essay about love and pain

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Love takes up where pain leaves off, brain study shows

October 13, 2010 - By Tracie White

Love-induced pain relief was associated with the activation of primitive brain structures that control rewarding experiences, such as the nucleus accumbens – shown here in color.

Intense, passionate feelings of love can provide amazingly effective pain relief, similar to painkillers or such illicit drugs as cocaine, according to a new Stanford University School of Medicine study.

“When people are in this passionate, all-consuming phase of love, there are significant alterations in their mood that are impacting their experience of pain,” said Sean Mackey , MD, PhD, chief of the Division of Pain Management, associate professor of anesthesia and senior author of the study, published online Oct. 13 in PLoS ONE . “We’re beginning to tease apart some of these reward systems in the brain and how they influence pain. These are very deep, old systems in our brain that involve dopamine — a primary neurotransmitter that influences mood, reward and motivation.”

Scientists aren’t quite yet ready to tell patients with chronic pain to throw out the painkillers and replace them with a passionate love affair; rather, the hope is that a better understanding of these neural-rewards pathways that get triggered by love could lead to new methods for producing pain relief.

“It turns out that the areas of the brain activated by intense love are the same areas that drugs use to reduce pain,” said Arthur Aron, PhD, a professor of psychology at State University of New York at Stony Brook and one of the study’s authors. Aron has been studying love for 30 years. “When thinking about your beloved, there is intense activation in the reward area of the brain — the same area that lights up when you take cocaine, the same area that lights up when you win a lot of money.”

The concept for the study was sparked several years ago at a neuroscience conference when Aron, an expert in the study of love, met up with Mackey, an expert in the research of pain, and they began talking.

“Art was talking about love,” Mackey said. “I was talking about pain. He was talking about the brain systems involved with love. I was talking about the brain systems involved with pain. We realized there was this tremendous overlapping system. We started wondering, ‘Is it possible that the two modulate each other?’”

After the conference, Mackey returned to Stanford and collaborated with postdoctoral scholar Jarred Younger, PhD, now an assistant professor of anesthesia, who was also intrigued with the idea. Together the three set up a study that would entail examining the brain images of undergraduates who claimed to be “in that first phase of intense love.”

“We posted fliers around Stanford University and within hours we had undergrads banging on our door,” Mackey said. The fliers asked for couples who were in the first nine months of a romantic relationship.

“It was clearly the easiest study the pain center at Stanford has ever recruited for,” Mackey said. “When you’re in love you want to tell everybody about it.

“We intentionally focused on this early phase of passionate love,” he added. “We specifically were not looking for longer-lasting, more mature phases of the relationship. We wanted subjects who were feeling euphoric, energetic, obsessively thinking about their beloved, craving their presence.

Sean Mackey

“When passionate love is described like this, it in some ways sounds like an addiction. We thought, ‘Maybe this does involve similar brain systems as those involved in addictions which are heavily dopamine-related.’ Dopamine is the neurotransmitter in our brain that is intimately involved with feeling good.”

Researchers recruited 15 undergraduates (eight women and seven men) for the study. Each was asked to bring in photos of their beloved and photos of an equally attractive acquaintance. The researchers then successively flashed the pictures before the subjects, while heating up a computer-controlled thermal stimulator placed in the palm of their hand to cause mild pain. At the same time, their brains were scanned in a functional magnetic resonance imaging machine.

The undergraduates were also tested for levels of pain relief while being distracted with word-association tasks such as: “Think of sports that don’t involve balls.” Scientific evidence has shown in the past that distraction causes pain relief, and researchers wanted to make sure that love was not just working as a distraction from pain.

Results showed that both love and distraction did equally reduce pain, and at much higher levels than by concentrating on the photo of the attractive acquaintance, but interestingly the two methods of pain reduction used very different brain pathways.

“With the distraction test, the brain pathways leading to pain relief were mostly cognitive,” Younger said. “The reduction of pain was associated with higher, cortical parts of the brain. Love-induced analgesia is much more associated with the reward centers. It appears to involve more primitive aspects of the brain, activating deep structures that may block pain at a spinal level — similar to how opioid analgesics work.

“One of the key sites for love-induced analgesia is the nucleus accumbens, a key reward addiction center for opioids, cocaine and other drugs of abuse. The region tells the brain that you really need to keep doing this,” Younger said.

“This tells us that you don’t have to just rely on drugs for pain relief,” Aron said. “People are feeling intense rewards without the side effects of drugs.”

Other Stanford contributors include research assistants Sara Parke and Neil Chatterjee.

Funding for the study was received from the Chris Redlich Pain Research Fund. Information about the Department of Anesthesia, which also supported the research, is available at http://med.stanford.edu/anesthesia /.

About Stanford Medicine

Stanford Medicine is an integrated academic health system comprising the Stanford School of Medicine and adult and pediatric health care delivery systems. Together, they harness the full potential of biomedicine through collaborative research, education and clinical care for patients. For more information, please visit med.stanford.edu .

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The Beauty of Broken Hearts: Learning to Love and Heal Your Inner Wounds

Feeling broken-hearted is a relatable experience — I don’t believe anyone has ever escaped the sorrow of a heart in hurt. We may deny it as a way of shielding ourselves because there may be some small comfort in the shadow of negation.

But in truth, we experience some level of heartbreak on a daily basis, even though we may not recognize it as such. Our hearts break for other people’s pain as much as our own and for the grief we inwardly feel yet find so hard to express .

A heartache many of us are accustomed to is one of a love lost or unrequited. Love often hurts. And pain is something that bonds us to another with the same intensity as love — both emotions are deeply profound and immense. We all have inner wounds that scream from the deepest recesses of our soul, and they only call to be heard and healed.

The Beauty of Broken Hearts: Learning to Love and Heal your Inner Wounds

I know what it’s like to have a broken heart. I know what it’s like to feel pain. There are a million ways to break a heart. I can relate – Diane Warren

As human beings we have the primal power to decimate hearts as much as we have the force to love them. We may not seek to harm another — yet we often do.

Vulnerability asks that we tear away our foundations of perceived safety so that we connect to each other with open hearts; and when we do so, pain too is a card on the table because this is what it means to love. Love is a beautiful odyssey that comes with risk.

We shout love from the roof tops and bury pain in a forsaken grave. We keep grief concealed and cover sadness in a blanket of denial because we just don’t want to feel pain. When we perpetuate that cycle — we never actually heal. We have become too good at foolishly protecting our pain .

The marriage of love and pain

The wound is the place where the light enters you. ― Jalaluddin Rumi

Love and pain are two sides of the same coin. We are transformed and metamorphosed by the power of them both. In pain we descend into what feels like an abyss of melancholy and in love we find redemption to ascend to great heights. How can we be fully exposed to appreciate love’s light without first being brave enough to chance pain’s darkness?

We should not fear pain. It is an intrinsic part of our story and a natural vessel to the fullness of living. If we fear pain, then we essentially leave love at that same door. Pain and sorrow have the capacity to break our hearts open so that we expand our understanding and awareness of love’s infinity. Grief may tarnish our heart but love will brush it on a canvas of faith to create a greater beauty from the sorrow .

Finding the beauty in broken hearts

For my part, I prefer my heart to be broken. It is so lovely, dawn-kaleidoscopic within the crack. ― D.H Lawrence

Our inner wounds and despair always serve our evolutionary gain. We can govern them with grace and dress them in love’s essence to find some beauty in the affliction. If we fail to find some valuable lesson then we remain tightly knit in that purgatory.

We are more likely to hurt another soul if we deny the howls of our own pain that seek to be absorbed, understood, and directed for a supreme purpose. There is a reason for everything, including every shadow of heartache that sits within us.

We must remember that we are not our wounds . Pain is never meant to insulate our hearts or enhance a fearful existence. The signature of what hurts us is underlined with a mark to embrace the glory of acceptance and instill fearlessness. If we allow our anguish to cushion or curb every decision we make then we have already lost the worthiness of that experience. Love does not live well or feel nourished in the oblivion of fear.

The-Beauty-of-Broken-Hearts-Learning-to-Love-and-Heal

Harnessing love to heal

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility. – Khalil Gibran

We are never given any experience or circumstance without having the innate capacity to overcome it. Time is not our healer — we are our own soul medics . Our times spent in the depth of heartbreak provide us with wisdom, humility, and the ability to penetrate our inherent truth. We synthesize ourselves through a higher love and understanding and forgo the bitterness that hurt can impel. Bitterness has nothing to offer us but further bewilderment and anxiety .

When we harness love to heal, we stir our soul into a sense of harmony and consonance. Love is found in forgiveness, acceptance, and in the bounty of hope that nestles so warmly inside our heart. This love lights our way through the darkness so we can galvanize strength and compassion for ourselves and others . We can create enlightened cycles rather than remain in historic ones that are locked into harrowing repeat.

When we mend, we are stronger

The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right. — Neil Gaiman

Our mind serves to protect us from pain; our heart seeks to heal it and be stronger through it. We should not sacrifice the wisdom that pain can impart by rejecting our inner calls to heal our sense of a broken heart.

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Christine is a fitness professional, motivational writer, and self-published author. She is passionate about inspiring people to be the best they can be, and helping them move past their perceived limits to reach their dreams by following their heart and their truth.

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woman holding heart balloon with plasters all over it illustrating the pain and hurt of love

Why is love so painful?

Why does love hurt so much?

Surely, of all the emotions you experience, love should be the one that is free from pain?

Unfortunately not.

Whilst love may be a feature of your relationship, it is just one thread in the emotional and mental tapestry that makes up a romantic connection.

Love is bound to these other aspects of your relationship, and so when you feel pain whilst in love, you associate that pain with the love.

The reasons for this pain are many…

Speak to a certified relationship counselor about this issue. Why? Because they have the training and experience to help you with any relationship problems you may be having. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for practical advice that is tailored to your exact circumstances.

1. No one can meet your fantasy expectations of perfection.

The early stages of a relationship are not concerned with love, but lust.

And lust leaves you blind to the imperfections of your new partner.

But lust soon fades and you are confronted with the stark realities of who this new person in your life really is.

You fell in lust with the fantasy person you have in your mind, and are then disappointed when you realize that your partner cannot live up to that fantasy.

This is painful because…

2. Acceptance is difficult.

Once you are free from the rose-tinted glasses of lust and can see more clearly, you realize that you are going to have to accept your new partner’s many flaws (as you perceive them).

But acceptance doesn’t come easy.

You may clash with your partner’s imperfections and seek to get rid of them.

You may try to change the other person to better fit the fantasy you had in your mind.

The hurt then comes in the form of…

a) Your partner’s inability to change as you would like.

b) Your inability to accept them for who they are.

Your conscious mind may be focussed on the first of these.

You may find your partner irritating in ways you never would have imagined when first lusting after them.

The second of these sources of pain may be deeper and less obvious.

Somewhere in your unconscious, you will feel very uneasy about the negative reactions you have to your partner’s flaws.

This is because you, too, feel the pain of not being accepted for who you are.

As you struggle to accept them, they will undoubtedly struggle to accept you.

They will rub up against your personality, your desires, your ways of doing things.

You will ask yourself why they can’t just accept you the way you are.

And the challenge of accepting one another will be the source of significant anguish.

The inevitable consequence of all this is…

3. You will hurt your partner.

Whether you like it or not, you will cause pain to the person you love.

It’s guaranteed in any relationship.

You will say or do things that hurt their feelings, intentionally or otherwise.

When you hurt someone, that hurt reflects back on you.

You believe you shouldn’t be capable of inflicting such pain on them because love should conquer all… or so you’ve been told.

But love can’t hold back the tide of emotion forever.

Eventually, the inevitable clashes that occur when two people form a bond will surface.

This conflict hurts not just because you feel attacked, but also because you realize you are capable of attacking the person you love.

This realization may shock you, and suddenly…

4. You doubt whether this person is right for you.

How can this person be right for you if you are capable of hurting each other?

What if there is someone out there who really is perfect for you?

These sorts of thoughts are painful.

They pull you this way and that, tearing you apart as you wrestle with them.

Doubt hurts because you fear you might be settling for less than you deserve or desire.

Every time your partner does something that you don’t like, these niggling thoughts enter your mind.

Or you might obsess about the suitability of your partner constantly. This steals away your inner peace – more pain follows.

Overthinking can also be a problem when…

5. You are anxious about the future of your relationship.

What does the future hold for you and your partner?

Will it be happy?

Will it live up to the expectations and dreams you have?

Will the relationship be fulfilling in the long term?

Because you can never know the answer to these questions, you might fret and worry about what lies ahead of you.

Yours might be the type of mind that drifts toward the negative. If so, your anxiety might be great.

Maybe you worry that your partner will fall out of love with you.

Or that they will be unfaithful.

Perhaps you fear being trapped in a long term relationship that you don’t feel works for you, but that you don’t know how to get out of.

Every second that you spend thinking such thoughts is a second that you suffocate the love you feel.

You might do this because…

6. You project past pain onto your current relationship.

If you’ve been hurt in the past – whether by a romantic partner or by some other loved one such as a parent – it’s easy to bring that pain into a new relationship.

You may project that pain onto your partner.

This pain has nothing to do with them and everything to do with you and your past.

You may know this from a rational perspective, but you struggle to not let it feed into how you think and act toward them.

You may distrust them because of a betrayal you suffered previously.

You may assume they will abandon you because that’s what an important figure from your past did.

You may feel like you’re not good enough for your partner because a previous lover emotionally abused you and made you feel that way.

This pain has its roots in other parts of your life, but the branches can grow and slowly block out the light shining on your current relationship.

This, among other things, means that…

7. Love can be overwhelming.

For most people, finding someone to love and share their life with is a key aspect of life.

But love, with all of the things that come with it, might sometimes be more than you can take.

It can literally overwhelm your mind to the point where it hurts to even think about it.

You may feel the need to withdraw from your partner and find some space to breathe.

Being overwhelmed about anything is hard enough, but it’s worse when it comes to love.

We’re led to believe that love is good, that love is easy, that love is joyful.

So you think you must be doing something wrong if you can’t handle the very thing you so desire.

Of course, it’s not love itself that brings you pain, but all the other stuff.

But it’s impossible to separate love from everything else, and so you associate the pain you’re feeling with the love that you feel.

This is partly because…

8. Love shines a light on all that is imperfect.

Love in total isolation is perfect.

You probably experience moments of this bliss from time to time.

But, as mentioned above, it’s rare to be able to separate love from everything else.

In fact, it’s often because of those moments of perfect bliss that you come to notice all that is imperfect.

Love shines a light on your own imperfections as you attempt to forge a life with someone else.

Love highlights all those things in your life that you may not be happy with.

Suddenly, you realize how impatient a person you can be, or how stubborn you are.

Or maybe you recognize that the way you are living your life is not in tune with who you are at your core.

This is not necessarily a bad thing.

Love challenges you to be a better, kinder, more compassionate person.

Love pushes you to lead a life that fulfills your soul.

The realization of all that is imperfect in you and your life is painful.

It wounds the ego, which believes itself to be perfect.

It challenges your own perceptions about who you are.

It causes you to rethink that which you were previously so certain of.

And this is accompanied by another realization that…

9. Change is painful.

Love drives change in many ways.

Not only the changes within yourself discussed above, but practical changes to your life in general.

New relationships can turn your life upside down.

A new person becomes the focus of a great deal of your time and emotional energy.

Other relationships can suffer.

Parts of your life that you could once dedicate time to are no longer such a priority.

Watching yourself change and your life change can be daunting. It can cause conflicting feelings.

This inner turmoil is not pleasant. But growth rarely is.

Because that’s what love stimulates – growth.

Call it change if you wish, but growth is a better way to describe it.

Love challenges you to grow as a person.

It drives you to work on your flaws.

It pushes you to improve your life and the lives of those you care about.

None of this comes easy. Growth almost always means some level of pain.

What can ease the pain of love?

It’s been said already, but it’s worth repeating: love itself is not the cause of your pain.

That pain comes from all of the thoughts and feelings that accompany love.

But there is a remedy for your pain: love.

Wait? What?

How can love ease the pain of love?

Read the first sentence of this section again: love is not the cause of your pain.

Quite the opposite.

It’s during those times when the love is being drowned out by everything else that you feel pain.

By focusing your mind wholly on the love you feel for someone, you can slowly begin to silence the cacophony of noise in your mind.

This will allow the love to re-establish itself and for the pain you feel to dissipate.

If you only take one thing from this article, let it be this: love is the solvent in which all pain dissolves.

Bring your mind back to love again and again and the hurt and pain will subside.

Are there issues in your relationship that are causing you pain? Chat online to a relationship expert from Relationship Hero who can help you figure things out.

About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.

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Why love literally hurts.

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Most of us see the connection between social and physical pain as a figurative one. We agree that “love hurts,” but we don’t think it hurts the way that, say, being kicked in the shin hurts. At the same time, life often presents a compelling argument that the two types of pain share a common source. Old couples frequently make the news because they can’t physically survive without one another. In one example from early 2012, Marjorie and James Landis of Johnstown, Pennsylvania, who’d been married for 65 years, died just 88 minutes apart.

Truth is you don’t have to be a sentimentalist to believe in broken hearts — being a subscriber to the New England Journal of Medicine will do. A few years ago a group of doctors at Johns Hopkins University reported a rare but lethal heart condition caused by acute emotional distress. The problem is technically known as “stress cardiomyopathy,” but the press likes to call it “broken heart syndrome,” and medical professionals don’t object to the nickname.

Behavioral science is catching up with the anecdotes, too. In the past few years, psychology researchers have found a good deal of literal truth embedded in the metaphorical phrases comparing love to pain. Neuroimaging studies have shown that brain regions involved in processing physical pain overlap considerably with those tied to social anguish. The connection is so strong that traditional bodily painkillers seem capable of relieving our emotional wounds. Love may actually hurt, like hurt hurt, after all.

A Neural Couple

Hints of a neural tie between social and physical pain emerged, quite unexpectedly, in the late 1970s. APS Fellow Jaak Panksepp, an animal researcher, was studying social attachment in puppies. The infant dogs cried when they were separated from their mothers, but these distress calls were much less intense in those that had been given a low dose of morphine, Panksepp reported in Biological Psychiatry . The study’s implication was profound: If an opiate could dull emotional angst, perhaps the brain processed social and physical pain in similar ways.

Panksepp’s findings on social distress were replicated in a number of other species — monkeys, guinea pigs, rats, chickens. The concept was hard to test in people, however, until the rise of neuroimaging decades later.

A breakthrough occurred in an fMRI study led by APS Fellow Naomi Eisenberger of University of California, Los Angeles. The researchers knew which areas of the brain became active during physical pain: the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC), which serves as an alarm for distress, and the right ventral prefrontal cortex (RVPFC), which regulates it. They decided to induce social pain in test participants to see how those areas responded.

Eisenberger and colleagues fed participants into a brain imaging machine and hooked them into a game called Cyberball — essentially a game of virtual catch. Participants were under the impression that two other people would be playing as well. In actuality, the other players were computer presets controlled by the researchers.

Some test participants experienced “implicit” exclusion during the game. They watched as the other two players tossed the virtual ball, but were told that technical difficulties had prevented them from joining the fun. Others experienced “explicit” exclusion. In these cases, the computer players included the participant for seven tosses, then kept the ball away for the next 45 throws.

When Eisenberger and colleagues analyzed the neural images of exclusion, they discovered “a pattern of activations very similar to those found in studies of physical pain.” During implicit exclusion, the ACC acted up while the RVPFC stayed at normal levels. (The brain might have recognized this exclusion as accidental, and therefore not painful enough to merit corrective measures.) During explicit social exclusion, however, both ACC and RVPFC activity increased in participants.

The study inspired a new line of research on neural similarities between social and physical pain. “Understanding the underlying commonalities between physical and social pain unearths new perspectives on issues such as … why it ‘hurts’ to lose someone we love,” the researchers concluded in a 2003 issue of Science .

In a review of studies conducted since this seminal work, published in the February 2012 issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science , Eisenberger offered a potential evolutionary reason for the relationship. Early humans needed social bonds to survive: things like acquiring food, eluding predators, and nursing offspring are all easier done in partnership with others. Maybe over time this social alert system piggybacked onto the physical pain system so people could recognize social distress and quickly correct it.

“In other words,” wrote Eisenberger, “to the extent that being separated from a caregiver or from the social group is detrimental to survival, feeling ‘hurt’ by this separation may have been an adaptive way to prevent it.”

Physical Pain Dies, Lost Love Doesn’t

Psychologists believe that physical pain has two separate components. There is the sensory component, which gives basic information about the damage, such as its intensity and location. There’s also an affective component, which is a more qualitative interpretation of the injury, such as how distressing it is.

Initial studies that followed Eisenberger’s pioneering work focused on the affective component. (The ACC, for instance, is closely related to affective pain — so much so that animals without that part of their brain can feel pain but aren’t bothered by it.) As a result, researchers began to think that while the qualitative aspects of social and physical pain might overlap, the sensory components might not.

Recently that thinking has changed. A group of researchers, led by Ethan Kross of the University of Michigan, believed that social pain might have a hidden sensory component that hadn’t been found because games like Cyberball just weren’t painful enough. So instead they recruited 40 test participants and subjected them to a far more intense social injury: the sight of an ex-lover who’d broken up with them.

Kross and colleagues brought test participants into a brain imaging machine and had them complete two multi-part tasks. One was a social task: Participants viewed pictures of the former romantic partner while thinking about the breakup, then viewed pictures of a good friend. The other was a physical task: Participants felt a very hot stimulation on their forearm, and also felt another that was just warm.

As expected from prior research, activity in areas associated with affective pain (such as the ACC) increased during the more intense tasks (seeing the “ex” and feeling the strong heat). But activity in areas linked with physical pain, such as the somatosensory cortex and the dorsal posterior insula, also increased during these tasks. The results suggested that social and physical pain have more in common than merely causing distress — they share sensory brain regions too.

“These results give new meaning to the idea that rejection ‘hurts,’” the researchers concluded in a 2011 issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences .

Still it’s not quite accurate to say that physical and social pain are exactly the same. As other research suggests, social pain may actually be much worse in the long run. A kick to the groin might feel just as bad as a breakup in the moment, but while the physical aching goes away, the memory of lost love can linger forever.

A research group led by Zhansheng Chen at Purdue University recently demonstrated this difference in a series of experiments. During two self-reports, people recalled more details of a past betrayal than a past physical injury and also felt more pain in the present, even though both events had been equally painful when they first occurred. During two cognitive tests, people performed a tough word association task significantly more slowly when recalling emotional pain than when recalling physical pain.

“Our findings confirmed that social pain is easily relived, whereas physical pain is not,” the researchers reported in a 2008 issue of Psychological Science .

Heart-Shaped Box (of Tylenol)

There is a bright side to the new line of research linking social and physical pain: Remedies for one may well double as therapy for the other. A group of psychological researchers, led by C. Nathan DeWall of the University of Kentucky, recently tested whether acetaminophen — the main ingredient in Tylenol — could relieve the pain of emotional distress as effectively as it relieves bodily aches.

In one experiment, some test participants took a 500-mg dose of acetaminophen twice a day for three weeks, while others took a placebo. All 62 participants provided self-reports on a “hurt feelings” scale designed to measure social exclusion. After Day 9, people who took the pain pill reported significantly lower levels of hurt feelings than those who took a placebo.

As a follow-up study, DeWall and colleagues gave either acetaminophen or a placebo to 25 test participants for three weeks, then brought them into the lab to play Cyberball. When participants were excluded from the game, those in the acetaminophen group showed significantly lower activity in their ACC than those in the placebo group — a sign that the painkiller was relieving social pain just as it normally did physical pain.

“For some, social exclusion is an inescapable and frequent experience,” the authors conclude in a 2010 issue of Psychological Science . “Our findings suggest that an over-the-counter painkiller normally used to relieve physical aches and pains can also at least temporarily mitigate social-pain-related distress.”

The effect breaks both ways. In another report from Psychological Science , published in 2009, a research group led by Sarah Master of University of California, Los Angeles, found that social support could relieve the intensity of physical pain — and that the supportive person didn’t even have to be present for the soothing to occur.

Master and colleagues recruited 25 women who’d been in relationships for at least six months and brought them into the lab with their romantic partner. They determined each woman’s pain threshold, then subjected her to a series of six-second heat stimulations. Half of the stimulations were given at the threshold pain level, half were given one degree (Celsius) higher.

Meanwhile the woman took part in a series of tasks to measure which had a mitigating effect on the pain. Some involved direct contact (holding the partner’s hand, a stranger’s hand, or an object) while others involved visual contact (viewing the partner’s photo, a stranger’s photo, or an object). In the end, contact involving a romantic partner — both direct and visual alike — led to significantly lower pain ratings compared to the other tasks. In fact, looking at a partner’s picture led to slightly lower pain ratings than actually holding his hand.

At least for all the hurt love causes, it has an equally powerful ability to heal.

As a child I suffered emotional and physical and sexual abuse..I was abandoned as a baby, and was adopted by a very sick person….my whole life has been about getting stable…which I am now. Now I have very severe physical pain. it started a few years back. Mostly burning nerve pain. They can’t find any answers other than to say their is something haywire in the neuro pathways to the brain…I keep wondering if it is stemming from my childhood. There was no love at all, only beatings…tried to take my life at 12. It is interesting that I have made a good life for myself, and now I have to deal with this debilitating pain. Sure would like to know if there is a correlation…

Studying polyvagal theory helped me understand my chronic pain quite a bit. Also there is an awesome book called The Body Keeps the Score. Understanding my rewiring has helped a lot.

Check out the book, ‘How to Heal Your Life’, by Louise Hay. It’s about the correlation of emotional pain and physical conditions/pain.

Heya Judy sorry to hear about all that you’ve been through and good for you for making a life for yourself. As for a link i’m sure there is. Look up talks given by Dr Gabor Mate

Much love judy

I hope you’ve gotten your answer before now, but want to share my experience.

Yes! There is a direct correlation! I was sexually abused at 11. The man hit me in my left arm after I refused to look at him play with himself. At age 49 I went through a heart breaking experience involving my spouse and son, and every time I felt anxious or nervous, my left arm would start hurting. It got so bad I could not move my arm after a very bad emotional night. It’s a lot to weite. Email me. Let’s talk!

I have had a history of sexual abuse and have recently begun my first real relationship with someone and when I am with them I start to tense up in my legs. I feel my nerves prick and find it hard to be around them not because I dislike them but from what I assume is a deep ingrained fear caused from my past. I feel for everyone posting here and am hoping that we can make a motion to better ourselves through the support and insight we provide.

I have been having a lot of heart twisting and rapid beating. I have had a very secluded life. I found out I have a very rare personality type for women. Growing up I was socially excluded, treated like an alien, parents fought every night and I found out other things, rape, depression the list goes on. I think my heart was broken so much it was dead. I am under a lot of stress, but I’m with a man whom I believe to be my soul mate. I’m wondering if my heart may have started beating more but the muscle is too week. I think I may have pots syndrome due to these problems.

My true love is with someone else, it hurts no matter where I am. Whenever I’m sitting in front of him, I can’t stop shaking. I can’t say anything either, it’s like the whole world see around me, and then I realize that I don’t stand a chance and I can’t stop crying

I also have a lot of issues from abandonment and being sexually abused as a child. I have all the same problems and pain with breakups or lost love, but I also experience pain when I’m in love and things are fine. I’ve always described it as loving someone to hard or too much, because it feels like so much that it really does hurt. A year ago I stumbled upon an article about HSP (Highly Sensitive Person). I was totally shocked when I read the characteristics of an HSP. It was like someone was describing every aspect of me. HSP is a personality trait and is thought to be genetic. It’s 20% of the population. The most common trait that I see in this thread is by the intensity of the pain and/or feelings that we feel. I bet most of the writers in this thread are HSP. It’s been proven scientifically that we feel pain more intensely. I used to think there was something wrong with me and that there was nobody else in the world like me because I knew I felt things differently then other people. When I found out about being HSP, I have a better understanding of myself and I don’t have that empty feeling of being all alone because I know it’s 20% of the population.

Do a search on HSP – Highly Sensitive Person and see if you fit. It will at least give you clarity and understanding and in time you will notice that finding out about it has definitely improved your life. You’ll quit second guessing yourself on first instincts and hopefully you won’t take things so personal because you’ll realize that it might be just how you’re perceiving something. I hope this helps someone because I can truly feel your pain.

So sorry that happened to you. I will say a prayer that you get better.

Dear judy, Tonight I was just scrolling around and saw your comment. I actually thought you wrote that about me. To hear that you went through so much pain. I could relaMy heart completely understand everything you have felt. I never can find anyone that has felt and seen what my parents did. I am now 40 and I work everyday to be better and to relearn everything I was brain washed to think. I want to chat with you if all possible. I know this is a old thread but I am hoping to reach you Tonight. I am sorry you felt so much pain. To find another that knows this life is once in my lifetime. Here is my email and you can contact me anytime. Don’t give up I say everyday and people like you and I have been to places most don’t even think of. So for me I hope you know that people like me need others that have been to those places also. So thank you for sharing your story and I would love to chat if you ever get bored. Love, forgiveness, and God are always with us.

I have experienced bad ear aches depression since the loss of love, medication has helped with the pain an depression,but the no love still emotionally hurts.

I am so sorry that happened. It is horrible and it is something that should never had happened to you. I am glad you are alive and I really hope you get to live a happy and safe life with people who love and trust you.

Im so sorry you had to experience this. You are valid, your life matters, you’re so strong. You are a survivor. i love u

Hi, check out the ACE study. There is a great deal of strong correlation with early childhood stressors and physical illness. https://www.acesconnection.com/ https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html

when me and my ex broke up for the first time, i felt extreme physical pain in my chest, to the point where i clutched at my chest and screamed and cried. it hurt like hell, and i wanted to die due to the amount of pain. but i am over that now… for the most part.

all it took was a new person to help me forget and learn to love again. btw…. i’m a girl, despite my name.

One year ago ex dumped me after 4 years together, my grandma died last year and my lovely dog girl I was so attached to, my only friend, this year. My son suffers from deep schizophrenia and is in hospital now. My financial situation is crap. How much more can you take? Recently I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. I don’t sleep, I practically don’t eat and I’m having this awful chest pain a few times a day. It just pops up out of the blue, even then when I’m not thinking about my misery. Stomach cramps I’m having is nothing compared to it. It bangs me, twists my heart, I can’t take a breath. It goes like that for some minutes then there’s this constant dull pain right in the middle of my chest. I read it’s called stress cardiomyopathy. Broken heart….

I know how this feels and I wondered about post traumatic . How are you now ?

Hi. Do you heal your stomach cramps? I have the same from many years. Im feel this day by day. Sometimes few seconds sometimes hours and “love butterfly” is always painful.

I was with my mum when she arrested and passed away. At the same time my mum was arresting I had chest pain. I have not mention it to anyone /family

abandonment and sexual disorders are their any studies related to this study of heart break.

I was adopted from Russia when I was 2 years old. The family that adopted me seems like they would be the best thing that I could have, but I keep looking at my friends and their family’s and how they all have a real mom and dad, and fit in with their family. It makes me want to cry thinking about why my biological mom wouldn’t of kept me. I live in Iowa a d I keep thinking about her. I don’t know what she looks like, and I want to know. My heart aches not knowing wether she loved me or not.

I believe your birth mother must have loved you very much to want you to have more than she could ever give you. I have never had a child, but adopted one myself and I hope you will be comforted by this.

preachhhhhhhh

Prayer and silence helps. I need to discipline myself to pray and to intentionally seek silence.

the first line is only wrong.it truely hurts when u fall in love.asked the one who had experienced it.I HAVE EXPERIENCED IN MY FRST TRUE LOVE.IT JUST FEEKS AS IF THE PAIN IN UR CHEST OR HEART WILL KILL U.U CRY ALL THE TIME.U CANT IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT HIMOR HER.IT JUST PHYSICALLY PAIN.so plz dont give wrong msgs and researches.i beg u

How can u reach out to someone who you cant see hold or hear bit want so bad that aline kills you

What you saying is so true and you actually feel like it’s just the two if you in the entire world.

Love doesn’t have to hurt but it can if you allow it too. Turning to God isn’t going to take it away.When you had been betrayed by a partner the betrayer and the betrayed are both hurting.. Its one of the most painful things to deal with when people fall out of love.. I can’t stand people that say move on. Crying is not a sign of weakness. I wish I had a magic wand but I don’t.. Therapists don’t help and neither do councilors.. They don’t know you.. Only you know you..:-)

No, in many cases therapists/counselors might not help… But, if that therapist or counselor knows pain and trauma of a similar degree, it can change everything. It takes someone who has walked down a similar broken path to understand. True, only you can know yourself. A therapist who doesn’t dwell on working within the box (because really, there is no box) or see you as another file or more paperwork.. They CAN make a difference and CAN help even the ones who everyone else has given up on… I’m speaking from both sides of that coin…

My wife died in September 2014. I watched her die twice: once on our couch as the paramedics worked on her and then when they removed life support. It’s the end of March 2015 – over 6 months since she died. I am still overwhelmed with the pain of losing her. If I didn’t have a 5 year old to care for I would have purposely followed her. My head aches and my chest hurts every time I think of her. My blood pressure is through the roof. The V.A. is worthless when it comes to help. We were both disabled veterans and there are times I wonder if their lack of care for her pushed her over. I’ve been given the crappy lie that “God had a plan for her, a plan of love.” No “god” of love would take a loving mother and wife away from a toddler and an adoring husband. Counselors have been no help whatsoever. All I know is I hurt so much and I wish she were here,

i know that God lives and that you will see your wife agian and never to be seperated agin. as you pray for comfort of yhe holy ghost you will be enveloped with his sweet peace in your body. God really soes live. i know it.

I found this article because I wanted to know why love (and precisely what you have been talking about, lost love) hurts so badly physically. I’m not sure what to think now that I know that it isn’t likely to go away.

How are you doing now

it makes me sick to think about these researchers torturing poor animals for the sake of this stupid study. shame on them. any normal human knows instinctively that separation from a mother hurts, that painful stimuli is. duh, painful. that love lost physically hurts. again, shame on them for hurting innocent animals for this stupid study

JD McLeod, i can’t agree more. I won’t even pretend to feel as significant and devastating a loss as you have, yet i understand your pain. I lost my mother three years ago (she was only 42) and i still think about her every day. I don’t believe in any “plan” for her. The only thing i believe is she had 3 different liver diseases (none of which born of alchohol abuse, she never drank) and each disease a great pain on its own. She doesn’t hurt anymore, but i do and it’s only the faint love of others that keeps me out of that abyss. I’d wish you the best but all i can hope to wish you is relief.

I have been married for 14 years but been with my husband for 23 years and I found out about him cheating. So the initial shock of it, I felt like he literally died, I mean I was in full on mourning. I did not understand but reading about all this it makes sense.

Evolution is a double edged sword, no doubt. There’s no hope to get my lost love back. Time for this pain to end!!! I need an evolutionary bypass because I don’t see having another romantic love in my life.

And I mean an evolutionary bypass BESIDES believing in an all-loving invisible being that’s going to care for you. Though I can see how that works. I have to be honest with myself about reality.

Justin, I couldn’t agree more about the futility of waiting for an imaginary being to solve our problems. I hope you have found peace after your loss. My husband died just a few days after you posted your comment (2016). I wanted to die as well, if no other reason than to stop the very physical pain. It has almost been 2 years and I can honestly say it does get better. I knew my husband would not want me to be miserable and give up a life he was denied so I set out to be happy, for him. I still have sad moments thinking of what could have been but the pain is gone and life goes on.

It comes as no surprise to me that science had findings connecting loss and physical pain. I have been running from emotional wounds surrounding abandonment all my life, as well as addictive behavior. I first became hooked on opiates in my early twenties. I always felt I was stuffing my emotions.

I dont understand what all these strange studies trying to proove…whatever, they r not going to lessen the pain anyway. i m totally disheartened now that this betrayal pain i m suffering which is hurting me so much that it has become a threat for life, cannot be done with. Its there to stay…no one can help me and i cannt live with this distress for all life…hurting n feeling robbed of all my emotions and feelings. This god thing and his plan…i simply dont agree with.

My boyfriend and I have what we think is separation anxiety and it’s a literal physical pain…

How are you now?

My husband and I have been married for 7 years recently his oldest daughter 17 going to live with us. My husband has severe PTSD and has had a couple of brain injuries from being deployed overseas. He’s been good about taking his medicine and things were going fine until here lately after his daughter came to live with us. He’s attacked me a couple of times since September and this time I finally decided that I needed to leave. I don’t want to but I have to. My emotions are so incredibly overwhelming that they’re manifesting physically. I can’t concentrate, I can’t eat, I constantly feel like I’m going to throw up, my stomach is in knots and I can’t stop the diarrhea. Can’t turn my brain off I can’t stop hurting. I hate how this feels. My heart and my soul feel literally broken

Stay strong. No one deserves any kind of abuse no matter what someone went through. You don’t deserve that. It feels like hell now but in time it will get better. It takes a long time but just take it day by day and I promise you you’ll be ok. It’s corny but so true that time really does heal. But you have to stay away and start anew. You did the right thing for everyone and by being strong you’re helping you too which matters, you matter. Well done on the positive steps you’ve taken to do that it wouldn’t have been easy but if you have done that for yourself you’ve already come through the hardest and can do anything from there even if at times it feels though and you will be ok in time. Just keep moving little steps each day. best wishes 🙂

my boyfriend and I have both in ways betrayed each other in our past relationship. we were together for 3 years and had a child together. she is now 10 months old and we broke up a month ago. it has been really hard for me to move on from the relationship that we were in even though it was so incredibly painful at times. I felt pain in my chest and stomach every day for at least 2 years and now that we are broken up I still feel it. the pain has gone down greatly but when he comes over to see our daughter I sometime feel my chest and stomach aching terribly. part of me wants to run back to him when it hurts so badly and another part of me wishes I never would have to see him again.

That must be really hard for you because raising a child up on your own must really be stressful but just stay strong and give the best to your child. Also know that people change throughout their lives and you can never live a perfect live. I hope everything will become easier for you.

Kayla, I am not sure if you will see this but I want you to know this same thing happened to me. You have to find a way to not see him. Find someone else to love. It will be a hard journey but trust me, you will love some one else one day. I will pray for you and your daughter.

Not having a life to share with someone can be very painful altogether.

Im so in love with a younger man 15 years my junior but we are so in love. Hes going away for a while back to Pakistan from Uk. The thing is we are not intouch at the moment and are saying nasty things to each other. I think its because we dont want to part so its easier to not see each other. Were soul mates and so in love so why is it like this

I just fell in love maybe for the first time.Inoticed my body aches for him. Was hoping I found true love…..and that I just wasnt in heat.Was wondering ,so comparing notes.So sorry for the ones hurting from losses….please try accepting Jesus….He really can make a difference…He is the healer!!!

So im in a relationship but every time i miss her my stomach hurts really bad…recently weve been split apart(moved away) and it got worse…her phone has been messing up and every time we talk on the phone it cuts us off and ends the call(bc she switched to a new phone but it’s not working) we tryy and try to call each other back but it duesnt work then my stomach starts to hurt again…dues anyone know why? If so please let me know and thank you

I couldnt get past the part where the scientist inflicted pain on animals by taking them away from their mothers. All that pain inflicted just so he could put a name on something we all, already knew.

When my ex of 3 years broke up with me, I became physically and psychologically ill. I had serious panic attacks and I developed a sinus infection that got so bad my mother had to carry me to the car and take me to the hospital. They told me if I had waited longer I would have died. I think my immune system was lowered because of heart break. i really believe that. It took me almost six years to fall in love with someone else. I still think about my ex daily.However I now love my husband.

It is just so relieving to find an honest thread of people here . I think it’s true you can suffer a secondary slight when your supposed friends just tell you to get over it and find another fast. Don’t experience anything don’t work on anything just get over it . Isn’t working it out your way getting over it ? Then The “ friends “ leave you because they feel you’re weak for not just changing your hair and getting new clothes and rebounding first … this all hurts even worse when you’re the one left … you didn’t ask For this And now you also lost the friends yet you’ve done the work to then go out and get some new clothes etc . And now you have no one to Go out with . It’s very lonely doing the right thing . Especially when you still wish the person you left the best of everything from Afar . And then once again no one would want to Understand that and thinks you just must line punishing yourself . So much sad misunderstanding . So much covering up to not feel . Maybe if people were more authentic and understanding the secondary slights wouldn’t occur . But they just want what’s best for them when they tell you to Move on fast right ?? Yeah and you must just want to be sad . I wish all you honest people out there suffering the knowledge that you do deserve to heal the right way. And I wish you people to see that and help you. I’m helping my daughter right now through this pain of being dumped out so that she can learn all she needs to and not cover it up and in doing so I Also lost many friends like she did. And yet, she sees so much now of how she could not have prevented this at all and how many things this young man presented with need to be dealt with or they will never be able to be a proper team as you have to keep the people you really love. It’s hard when One has the capacity and the other doesn’t and the one that does sits back is subject to this mental pain that doesn’t ever truly stop because they truly loved. The third slight . But yes the whole time you’re working on keeping going you have the mow Ex friends to deal with closing out . I would do it all again in order to see my daughter as strong as she is now but what kills me is I can see she will never forget him. She never chased after . And she has to see him Very often. And the people she let unfriend her . I am in Silence from The ones that unfriended Me. All because i wouldn’t push her to a new guy or hair or clothes faster . So I believe all you on here . Just like I know mine won’t ever forget but she has to keep going and eventually let new experiences find her . I hope you all have someone to stand by you.

A broken heart as many know can be excruciating pain however not letting go and moving on perpetuates that pain. How to let go and don’t look back has to be learned. Please try not to spend too much time on staying stuck reliving the pain. What I’ve learned is to get past pain you must allow yourself to grieve to get through it. I’ve gone in Youtube and googled various subjects relating to the possible reasons why my tolerance for pain has been too high. One answer is my chronic loneliness has caused me to make poor choices and finally after so much debilitating pain, I rather endure the pain of solitude than being continously beaten up emotionally. I can’t take another emotional beating. I’m learning to give myself the love I’ve yearned for and am learning to have faith in our father.

ME AND THIS BOY NAMED JOSH HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR TWO YEARS WE OFTEN ARGUE DUE TO HIS PROBLEMS HE HAS DEPRESSION AND IS VERY SENSITIVE IM ALREADY GOING THROUGH SERVERE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA FROM A REALLY BAD RELASHIONSHIP 3 YEARS AGO BUT NOW ME AND JOSH HAVE BEEN ARGUING LATELY AND I STOPPED TAKING MY ANTI-DEPRESSENTS SO NOW WERE OKAY BUT IT STILL HURTS EVERYTIME WE ARGUE I TRY MY BEST BUT IM FALLING APART MYSELF

I loved a girl.I wanted her only as .y life partner,but she don’t have any feeling on me.I am not able to stop thinking about her.Even I am feeling pain in the heart.i don’t know what to do,can anyone help me out..

I fell in deep love with a girl years and years ago. She is from another country and her work Visa expired. We were engaged and very much still in love. When I finally got her paperwork approved to get back she no longer wanted to be away from her home and I was young and afraid to make the move. Years went on and we both remarried. I still thought about her almost every day, which is probably unhealthy. She recently reached out to me and told me she still felt the same way that she felt years ago (about 10). In a way it made me happy that I was not alone in the feelings, but in another way it hurt almost worse to know. It’s almost a physical pain or a pulling at the heart. To know that we will probably always feel this way but will probably never even see each other again. I feel that she has a huge part of me and I wish that she didn’t. She is my soulmate and always will be. Nothing compares to true love. Never give up on something like that.

Love is the most beautifullest and most powerful feeling that ever exists for everyone and anything Alive with a beating heart. It’s something that happens naturally without knowing it will happen. It’s spontaneous when it comes just like when will lightening might strike. I believe in Love with all my heart. If I had it or if I don’t have it will be always my number one desire and then everything. Communication, the way you look into eachothers eyes say it all. Let your heart speak up and don’t be shy or afraid of any truth answer. Love you be you and LOVE. All or nothing, yes and no. That’s where we come from. From a real soul with a big heart. Start with loving around you..

I fall in love at a young age we broke up and we got back together but the painful thing is everyone wants us to broke up again but I love him but it’s to painful because everyone wants us to be over for good that’s painful I don’t get why everyone will but in I love my boyfriend to bits yes we have never fight like never ever but the thing people don’t get is that we care about each other and love each other so they can get out of my relationship with my boyfriend I have thought about dumping him but I can’t because I love him to much he makes my day everyday he really meaks me feel happy I won’t dump him because other people don’t want us to be together who cares about them

Why does love hurt? Is it because we aren’t able to tell our significant other how we truly feel? Are you able to Express yourself like you wanted? Will your significant other take time to hear and acknowledge the way you feel? My now ex significant other won’t. Even if he did, I still will feel hurt because I know it’s truly over. Hes is still in love with his ex. Now here I sit alone with his 5 year old child. Hoping love will make it my way soon.

I recently decided to “stop” loving someone because it was the right thing to do and the moment I realized there will never be an ‘us’ I felt this unbearable physical pain that I thought I was literally having a heart attack. My chest hurt so bad as if someone was drilling a hole from my chest to my back. I could not breathe for a few minutes and someone has had to massage my chest and give me a drink of water. Broken heart does manifest physically. It has been over 20 days now and it is getting easier but there are days when the pain just surprise me out of the blue, and I’d be back to square one, mourning, my heart tearing again over a love lost.

I am feeling pain as the possibility of losing the one l love exist. I am feeling pain realizing l love and don’t want to feel it. I am going to end the relationship. I don’t want to feel it any stronger when it comes

I am in love with someone so bad it makes my chest hurt

Social and physical pain have the same basis in neural control systems according to Perceptual Control Theory (PCT) — this being error signals produced by a difference between perceptual signals and related reference signals. When our perceptions differ from our references (ex., goals, standards, desires, …) error signals are produced. These error signals may lead to consciously perceived feelings (such as pain, uneasiness, and distress) and emotions (such as anger, fear, and shame). According to PCT, the error signals may also lead to behavior aimed at bringing one’s perceptions more in line with references for those perceptions, in order to reduce or eliminate the neural error signals being produced. If interested, information about PCT is available online (ex., at IAPCT.org) or in publications such as William T. Powers, “Behavior: The Control of Perception”, 2nd. edition, Benchmark Publications, 2005.

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Eric Jaffe is a regular Observer contributor and author of The King’s Best Highway: The Lost History of the Boston Post Road, the Route That Made America (Scribner, 2010).

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Teenage Love Realities: The Experience of Joy and Pain

Categories: Falling in Love First Love Teenage Love

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Published: Aug 14, 2023

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Ambiguous nature of teenage love and dating experience.

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Why does love hurt so much.

Why Is Love So Painful?

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This is your brain on heartbreak, why does getting dumped hurt physically meghan laslocky explains where that feeling comes from, and what it's good for..

As most of us know all too well, when you’re reeling from the finale of a romantic relationship that you didn’t want to end, your emotional and bodily reactions are a tangle: You’re still in love and want to reconcile, but you’re also angry and confused; simultaneously, you’re jonesing for a “fix” of the person who has abruptly left your life, and you might go to dramatic, even embarrassing, lengths to get it, even though part of you knows better.

What does our brain look like when we’re in the throes of such agonizing heartbreak? This isn’t just an academic question. The answer can help us better understand not only what’s going on inside our lovelorn bodies, but why humans may have evolved to feel such visceral pain in the wake of a break-up. In that light, the neuroscience of heartbreak can offer some practical—and provocative—ideas for how we can recover from love gone wrong.

Addicted to love

The earliest pairings of brain research and love research, from around 2005, established the baseline that would inform research going forward: what a brain in love looks like. In a study led by psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher, individuals who were deeply in love viewed images of their beloved and simultaneously had their brains scanned in an fMRI machine, which maps neural activity by measuring changes in blood flow in the brain. The fMRI’s vivid casts of yellows, greens, and blues—fireworks across gray matter—clearly showed that romantic love activates in the caudate nucleus, via a flood of dopamine.

The caudate nucleus is associated with what psychologists call “motivation and goal-oriented behavior,” or “the rewards system.” To many of these experts, the fact that love fires there suggests that love isn’t so much an emotion in its own right—although aspects of it are obviously highly emotional—as it is a “goal-oriented motivational state.” (If that term seems confusing, it might help to think about it in terms of facial expressions: Emotions are characterized by particular, passing facial expressions—a frown with anger, a smile with happiness, an open mouth with shock—while if you had to identify the face of someone “in love,” it would be harder to do.) So as far as brain wiring is concerned, romantic love is the motivation to obtain and retain the object of your affections.

But romance isn’t the only thing that stimulates increases in dopamine and its rocketlike path through your reward system. Nicotine and cocaine follow exactly the same pattern: Try it, dopamine is released, it feels good, and you want more—you are in a “goal-oriented motivational state.” Take this to its logical conclusion and, as far as brain wiring is concerned, when you’re in love, it’s not as if you’re an addict. You are an addict.

Just as love at its best is explained by fMRI scans, so, too, is love at its worst. In 2010 the team who first used fMRI scanning to connect love and the caudate nucleus set out to observe the brain when anger and hurt feelings enter the mix . They gathered a group of individuals who were in the first stages of a breakup, all of whom reported that they thought about their rejecter approximately 85 percent of their waking hours and yearned to reunite with them. Moreover, all of these lovelorn reported “signs of lack of emotion control on a regular basis since the initial breakup, occurring regularly for weeks or months. This included inappropriate phoning, writing or e-mailing, pleading for reconciliation, sobbing for hours, drinking too much and/or making dramatic entrances and exits into the rejecter’s home, place of work or social space to express anger, despair or passionate love.” In other words, each of these bereft souls had it bad .

Then, with appropriate controls, the researchers passed their subjects through fMRI machines, where they could look at photographs of their beloved (called the “rejecter stimulus”), and simultaneously prompted them to share their feelings and experience, which elicited statements such as “It hurt so much,” and “I hate what [they] did to me.”

A few particularly interesting patterns in brain activity emerged:

As far as the midbrain reward system is concerned, they were still “in love.” Just because the “reward” is delayed in coming (or, more to the point, not coming at all), that doesn’t mean the neurons that are expecting “reward” shut down. They keep going and going, waiting and waiting for a “fix.” Not surprisingly, among the experiment’s subjects, the caudate was still very much in love and reacted in an almost Pavlovian way to the image of the loved one. Even though cognitively they knew that their relationships were over, part of each participant’s brain was still in motivation mode.

Parts of the brain were trying to override others . The orbital frontal cortex, which is involved in learning from emotions and controlling behavior, activated. As we all know, when you’re in the throes of heartbreak, you want to do things you’ll probably regret later, but at the same time another part of you is trying to keep a lid on it.

They were still addicted. As they viewed images of their rejecters, regions of the brain were activated that typically fire in individuals craving and addicted to drugs. Again, no different from someone addicted to—and attempting a withdrawal from—nicotine or cocaine.

While these conclusions explain in broad strokes what happens in our brains when we’re dumped, one scientist I interviewed describes what happens in our breakup brains in a slightly different way. “In the case of a lost love,” he told me, “if the relationship went on for a long time, the grieving person has thousands of neural circuits devoted to the lost person, and each of these has to be brought up and reconstructed to take into account the person’s absence.”

Which brings us, of course, to the pain.

When you’re deep in the mire of heartbreak, chances are that you feel pain somewhere in your body—probably in your chest or stomach. Some people describe it as a dull ache, others as piercing, while still others experience it as a crushing sensation. The pain can last for a few seconds and then subside, or it can be chronic, hanging over your days and depleting you like just like the pain, say, of a back injury or a migraine.

But how can we reconcile the sensation of our hearts breaking—when in fact they don’t, at least not literally—with biophysical reality? What actually happens in our bodies to create that sensation? The short answer is that no one knows. The long answer is that the pain might be caused by the simultaneous hormonal triggering of the sympathetic activation system (most commonly referred to as fight-or-flight stress that ramps up heart and lung action) and the parasympathetic activation system (known as the rest-and-digest response, which slows the heart down and is tied to the social-engagement system). In effect, then, it could be as if the heart’s accelerator and brakes are pushed simultaneously, and those conflicting actions create the sensation of heartbreak.

While no one has yet studied what exactly goes on in the upper-body cavity during the moments of heartbreak that might account for the physical pain, the results of the aforementioned fMRI study of heartbroken individuals indicate that when the subjects looked at and discussed their rejecter, they trembled, cried, sighed, and got angry, and in their brains these emotions triggered activity in the same area associated with physical pain. Another study that explored the emotional-physical pain connection compared fMRI results on subjects who touched a hot probe with those who looked at a photo of an ex-partner and mentally relived that particular experience of rejection. The results confirmed that social rejection and physical pain are rooted in exactly the same regions of the brain. So when you say you’re “hurt” as a result of being rejected by someone close to you, you’re not just leaning on a metaphor. As far as your brain is concerned, the pain you feel is no different from a stab wound.

This neatly parallels the discoveries that love can be addictive on a par with cocaine and nicotine. Much as we think of “heartbreak” as a verbal expression of our pain or say we “can’t quit” someone, these are not actually artificial constructs—they are rooted in physical realities. How wonderful that science, and specifically images of our brains, should reveal that metaphors aren’t poetic flights of fancy.

But it’s important to note that heartbreak falls under the rubric of what psychologists who specialize in pain call “social pain”—the activation of pain in response to the loss of or threats to social connection. From an evolutionary perspective, the “social pain” of separation likely served a purpose back on the savannas that were the hunting and gathering grounds of our ancestors. There, safety relied on numbers; exclusion of any kind, including separation from a group or one’s mate, signaled death, just as physical pain could signal a life-threatening injury. Psychologists reason that the neural circuitries of physical pain and emotional pain evolved to share the same pathways to alert protohumans to danger; physical and emotional pain, when saber-toothed tigers lurked in the brush, were cues to pay close attention or risk death.

On the surface, that functionality wouldn’t seem terribly relevant now—after all, few of us risk attack by a wild animal charging at us from behind the lilacs at any given moment, and living alone doesn’t mean a slow, lonely death. But still, the pain is there to teach us something. It focuses our attention on significant social events and forces us to learn, correct, avoid, and move on.

When you look at social pain from this perspective, you have to acknowledge that in our society we’re often encouraged to hide it. We bottle it up. While of course it’s possible to be private about one’s pain and still deal with it, and it may not be so healthy to share your sob story with everyone you meet on the street, if you’re totally ignoring it and the survival theory holds true, then you’re putting yourself at risk because you’re not alerting others to a potential crisis.

The heartbreak pill?

Several studies, also using the hot probe + image + fMRI combo, have shown that looking at an image of a loved one actually reduces the experience of physical pain, in much the same way that, say, holding a loved one’s hand during a frightening or painful procedure does, or kissing a child’s boo-boo makes the tears go away. Science shows that love is effectively a painkiller, because it activates the same sections of brain stimulated by morphine and cocaine; moreover, the effects are actually quite strong.

On one level this suggests a wonderfully simple and elegant solution, albeit a New Agey one, to physical or emotional pain: All you need is love. And it bolsters the notion, faulty though it may be for some of us, that if you’re suffering from a broken heart, moving on fast can bring relief.

There’s a point, however, where this trend in fMRI research starts to enter a prickly realm: Because physical pain and emotional pain—like heartbreak—travel along the same pathways in the brain, as covered earlier, this means that theoretically they can be medically treated in the same way. In fact, researchers recently showed that acetaminophen—yep, regular old Tylenol—reduces the experience of social pain. “We have shown for the first time that acetaminophen, an over-the-counter medication commonly used to reduce physical pain, also reduces the pain of social rejection, at both neural and behavioral levels,” they write in their paper in the journal Psychological Science .

But some experts argue that the moment you put a toe on the slippery slope of popping pills to make you feel better emotionally, you have to wonder if doing so circumvents nature’s plan. You’re supposed to feel bad, to sit with it, to review what went wrong, even to the point of obsession, so that you learn your lesson and don’t make the same mistake again.

While they might not admit it, for biologists and psychologists, understanding love on a chemical level is tantamount to finding the holy grail. After all, the more we understand about love in terms of science . . . well then, the closer we are to understanding what makes humans human, an advance that might be on a par with physicists cracking the mystery of the space-time continuum.

Ultimately, all this progress points to one thing: treatment, with both painkillers and antiaddiction drugs. Perhaps recovering from heartbreak could be as simple as wearing a patch (Lovaderm!) or chewing a special gum (Lovorette!) or popping a pill (Alove!) that just makes the pain go away.

If you could take a pill that assured that you could fall in love, fall out of love, or stay in love on command, would you take it?

About the Author

Meghan laslocky.

Meghan Laslocky is the author of The Little Book of Heartbreak: Love Gone Wrong Through the Ages (Plume, 2012). She lives in Oakland and is a graduate of Middlebury College and the UC Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism.

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Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

Definition of love
What is love?
Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case, feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
The science behind attraction and attachment.
How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

Essay samples
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Why Is Love Painful?

Last Updated: September 26, 2023 Fact Checked

What "Love Is Pain" Means
Physical Pain of Heartbreak
Should love hurt?

Reasons Love May Emotionally Hurt

Expert interview.

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW and by wikiHow staff writer, Eric McClure . Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli specializes in individual and couples therapy focusing on relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. She is the author of “Love Hacks: Simple Solutions to Your Most Common Relationship Issues” which details the top 15 relationship issues and 3 quick solutions to each. She is also the award-winning and best-selling author of “Thriving with ADHD”. Kelli co-hosted an advice show on LA Talk Radio and was a relationship expert for The Examiner. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida. There are 13 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 2,206 times.

Everybody knows that love is fulfilling and wonderful, so why are there so many stories about how much pain and work love can be? Like all human emotions, love is complicated, and there are several ways in which love can be painful—both physically and emotionally. In this article, we’ll break down what the science says about love and pain, and share some insights on how you can identify whether you’re experiencing the beautiful pain that comes from a meaningful relationship working through the kinks, or the unnecessary pain that comes from questionable and toxic behavior.

Things You Should Know

The part of your brain that processes emotional pain overlaps with the part that senses physical pain. This is why you may feel physically hurt when you're upset.
It’s completely natural to experience some pain in a healthy relationship if you and your partner are honest about your wants and needs.
Most people experience pain early in a relationship because it’s scary to be vulnerable and open up emotionally to someone.

What does it mean when people say "love is pain?"

Step 1 Some people say “love is pain” to mean that breakups physically hurt.

This isn’t some kind of “it’s all in your head” phenomenon, either. Studies have shown that painkillers alleviate the physical symptoms that show up after a heartbreak. [2] X Research source

Step 2 On a less literal level, “love is pain” can mean relationships are tough.

This is not the kind of pain you want to shy away from if you’re in love. Perseverance and effort aren’t fun, but the rewards are so deeply potent that it’s worth it!

Can heartbreak physically hurt?

Step 1 Yes, heartbreak triggers the same part of the brain that causes pain.

This means that if you experience a breakup, your brain can interpret the signals like you’ve suffered a physical injury.

Step 2 Breaking up is chemically comparable to withdrawing from an addiction.

As a result, the loss of a romantic partner whom you loved dearly is chemically comparable to an alcoholic who can’t get a drink. In both cases, the pain can be severe and intense.

Should love hurt in a relationship?

Step 1 It’s totally okay for love to be a little scary or painful.

There’s never been a successful relationship that didn’t involve some kind of growing pains as both partners worked out the kinks and found a way to compromise.
If a relationship didn’t involve any friction or difficulty, it’d be a sign that each partner wasn’t being honest about their wants and needs.

Step 2 Your partner shouldn’t intentionally make you feel pain.

Just to be absolutely clear, you should not tolerate any physical or emotional abuse. Do not hesitate to reach out to friends or family if you need help getting out of a difficult situation .

Step 1 The fear of the unknown can be overwhelming.

Try to enjoy the moment and have fun. Nobody can tell the future, and worrying about what could happen shouldn’t ruin what’s happening now.
When you start imagining how things might fall apart, remember that the odds things go perfectly are just as likely!

Step 2 Relationships require vulnerability that can lead to pain.

These worries will dissipate over time as you realize that you can trust your partner. In fact, this kind of radical vulnerability will start to feel powerful and fulfilling—not painful.
Assume that your partner has good intentions if you're hesitant to open up. If they let you down, chances are it was by mistake and the two of you can work through it.

Step 3 A fading honeymoon phase can be scary.

It’s good that the honeymoon phase ends; this is when you two trade in your initial affections for something deeper, more fulfilling, and meaningful!
Don’t start freaking out if things suddenly feel a little more boring than they used to be. A little cooling off period is a sign you two are stable and healthy.
Try doing something neither of you has done before together to recreate that exciting honeymoon feeling (and grow closer in the process).

Step 4 You may doubt the relationship’s strength.

Not every relationship should last forever. If this one ends, take solace in the knowledge that you’re one step closer to finding your soulmate.
Talk to your partner about this. If you’re worried, they can reassure you that you’re spooked about nothing. If something is actually wrong, talking is the only way to resolve things.

Step 5 Commitment can be frightening if you aren’t used to it.

Do your best to work through your fear of commitment . If you can learn to let go and throw yourself into the deep end of the relationship without any hesitation, you’d be surprised by the joy you’ll find on the other side!

Expert Q&A

About This Article

Medical Disclaimer

The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.

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Essay on Love

Students are often asked to write an essay on Love in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Love

Understanding love.

Love is a powerful emotion, felt by all creatures. It’s a bond that connects us, making us care deeply for others. From family to friends, we experience love in different forms.

Types of Love

There are many types of love. We love our family unconditionally, our friends deeply, and our pets loyally. This shows love’s versatility.

The Power of Love

Love can bring happiness, comfort, and warmth. It can heal wounds and bring peace. The power of love is truly magical.

Love’s Challenges

Love isn’t always easy. It can bring pain and heartache. But overcoming these challenges strengthens love.

Love is a beautiful journey, filled with joy and challenges. It’s a fundamental part of life.

Also check:

10 Lines on Love
Paragraph on Love
Speech on Love

250 Words Essay on Love

The essence of love.

Love, a universal sentiment, is a complex and multidimensional concept that has been the subject of countless discourses and studies. It is a powerful emotion, a binding force that transcends physicality and enters the realm of the spiritual.

The Multifaceted Nature of Love

Love is not monolithic; it is multifaceted and varies in intensity and expression. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, or self-love. Each type is vital and contributes to our overall well-being. Romantic love, for instance, is often characterized by passion and intimacy. Platonic love, on the other hand, is grounded in intellectual connection and shared interests.

The Transformative Power of Love

Love has the power to transform individuals and societies. It fosters empathy, kindness, and understanding, breaking down barriers and promoting unity. Love can heal wounds, mend broken hearts, and inspire acts of selflessness and sacrifice. It is the catalyst for human growth and the foundation of our humanity.

Despite its beauty, love is not without challenges. It can lead to heartbreak, disappointment, and despair. However, these trials are part of the journey of love, teaching us resilience and the value of vulnerability.

The Enduring Mystery of Love

Despite our attempts to understand and define love, it remains a profound mystery. It is an experience that is deeply personal yet universally shared, a paradox that adds to its allure. Love, in its essence, is an exploration of the depths of the human heart, a journey into the soul’s innermost chambers.

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted, transformative, and enduring emotion that shapes our lives in profound and intricate ways. It is the essence of our humanity, a testament to our capacity for empathy, compassion, and connection.

500 Words Essay on Love

The concept of love.

Love, a four-letter word that encapsulates a plethora of emotions, is a universal concept that transcends all barriers. It is a deeply personal and subjective experience, yet it also serves as a communal bond that ties societies together. The complexity of love is such that it can be viewed from various perspectives, including biological, psychological, and philosophical.

Biological Perspective of Love

From a biological standpoint, love is a potent cocktail of chemicals. Neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and dopamine are primarily responsible for the feelings of attachment and pleasure associated with love. The release of these chemicals in the brain creates a sense of euphoria, leading to the emotional highs that are often associated with romantic love. This biochemical perspective, however, only scratches the surface of the profound complexity of love.

Psychological Perspective of Love

Psychologically, love is a dynamic process that evolves over time. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, it consists of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness and connectedness, passion involves intense feelings and sexual attraction, while commitment refers to the decision to remain with another. The balance between these components determines the type of love one experiences, ranging from infatuation (passion alone) to consummate love (a balance of all three).

Philosophical Perspective of Love

Philosophically, love is often viewed as an existential need. It is seen as a path to self-discovery and personal growth. The philosopher Plato suggested that love is the pursuit of the whole, a quest for completeness. This idea is echoed in the concept of ‘soulmates’ prevalent in popular culture. Yet, love is not solely about finding the ‘missing piece’; it is also about selflessly caring for another, seeking their happiness, and accepting them unconditionally.

Love as a Social Construct

Beyond individual experience, love is a social construct that shapes societal norms and values. It is a driving force behind many cultural practices and traditions. Love is celebrated through literature, music, and art, reflecting its deep-rooted significance in human society. It is a catalyst for social cohesion, fostering empathy and mutual understanding among individuals.

Conclusion: The Complexity and Importance of Love

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted concept that cannot be confined to a single definition. It is a biological process, a psychological state, a philosophical pursuit, and a societal bond. It is a complex interplay of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that profoundly influences our lives. Despite its complexity, or perhaps because of it, love remains one of the most enduring and universal aspects of the human experience. It is a testament to the depth and breadth of our capacity for connection, compassion, and growth.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

Essay on Lord of the Flies
Essay on Living Sustainably in Harmony with Nature
Essay on Living Abroad

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

1. "Love's Philosophy" by Percy Bysshe Shelley

2. "love's secret" by william blake, 3. "a glimpse" by walt whitman.

One of the most renowned pain poems about love is "Love's Philosophy" by Percy Bysshe Shelley. The poem beautifully illustrates the agony of unrequited love, as the speaker yearns for a reciprocal affection that remains elusive. The following excerpt showcases the profound sense of longing:

"And the river flows like a stream of glass , Where the meadow sleeps with the sky . "

These lines evoke a sense of pain and frustration, as the speaker compares the fluidity of nature to the stagnant state of their unfulfilled love.

William Blake's "Love's Secret" captures the anguish of love kept hidden, unable to be expressed openly. The poem delves into the pain of unspoken desires and the torment of unrequited love. Here is an excerpt that portrays the agony of concealment:

"Never seek to tell thy love, Love that never told can be; For the gentle wind does move Silently, invisibly."

These lines emphasize the silent suffering that accompanies unexpressed love, highlighting the pain of concealed emotions.

Walt Whitman's "A Glimpse" explores the bittersweet nature of love, capturing the simultaneous joy and heartbreak it can bring. The following lines demonstrate the profound impact of love on the human soul:

"A glimpse through an interstice caught, Of a crowd of workmen and drivers in a bar-room around the stove late of a winter night, and I unremark'd seated in a corner,

Of a youth who loves me and whom I love, silently approaching and seating himself near, that he may hold me by the hand."

These powerful words convey the exquisite pain of a love that can only be observed from a distance, as well as the intense longing for physical connection.

Pain poems about love provide a cathartic outlet for the complex emotions that accompany romantic experiences. Through the skillful use of language, poets immortalize the tumultuous nature of love, capturing both its joys and sorrows. The examples discussed in this article demonstrate the ability of pain poems to evoke intense emotions, allowing readers to reflect on their own experiences and find solace in the shared human condition. So, let us embrace the power of pain poems about love, as they serve as a testament to the profound impact love has on our lives.

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The Pain of Love - Essay Example

Everything enjoyable or pleasing comes with a cost. Essential commodities such as food, shelter, education or clothing are acquired at given price; implying that anything which improves ones life comes with a particular cost. The same applies to emotional needs. Apparently, love is not for free but rather, comes with a huge price which ought to be paid by parties involved. A person who is in love will ultimately pay the price for the feelings and emotions. Grief is considered to be an ultimate price for love just as fostered by Bucchianeri who asserted that so its true when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.

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Intense feelings and attachment associated with love make the parties involved to be vulnerable to pain. For instance, in a parent-child relationship, grieving is the ultimate cost, especially in the case of death. Children will experience the grief of burying their parents when they die, irrespective their parents advanced age. The pain and sorrow are even greater when the tables turn, and parents find themselves burying their children. In such instances, the parents' grief is immeasurable. They can do anything to bring their children back and offer themselves up to the death. However, their love for the children leads them to mourn regardless of how much time they had spent together before the death.

Grief is also the price paid by those involved in romantic love. Lovers come together to enjoy each other's company and affection. In a case of a breakup or anything that prompts the termination of such love experience, the grief will be overwhelming. Some lovers are left in a deep agony, wondering why life has been so cruel to them. This can be attested by many songs that usually demonstrate the pain of a failed romantic relationship. However, despite the grief emanating from loving, it is common for the lovers overlook the severity of the results by opting not to regret their attachments. In fact, after grieving, they will start cherishing and reminiscing on the moments spent with their loved ones while they were alive. It means that even with an imminent grief at the end, love is an underlying feeling in life.

Additionally, life is characterized by various relationships. Through the different stages of life, one meets colleagues, friends, business associates and other relations. Through regular interactions with various people can lead to close attachments which culminate into love. In this case, if the relationship with those, individuals or things is abruptly cut off will plunge the victim into a grieving mode. Surprisingly, if a person is fired from a job that he loves, he can agonize over it as part of mourning the lost attachment. Such relationships show that love does not have to be romantic, blood relations, or friendship. It can be an attachment to something and lead to grief when the interaction with such things is terminated untimely. In fact, even break-ups of intimate relationship cause untold miseries to one or both parties involved depending on the circumstances.

Agape love is also entangled with elements of grieving. The fall and degradation of man are alleged to have caused immense sorrow to God. According to various religious scriptures, God had nurtured a personal relationship with human beings. Their relationship was characterized by love, respect, and loyalty. However, Adam and Eve opts to disobey God by eating a forbidden fruit. This betrayal angers God which compels Him to chase them out of the Garden of Aden. Despite the anguish that God undergoes through, he has still harbored hopes of reconciling Himself with mankind. For instance, He decides to send his only beloved son, Jesus Christ to come and die for the sins of people. This is the greatest sacrifice that God made to humans; indicating His deep love to humanity. However, the sinful nature of individuals continues making God sorrowful. When the people do not love each other as God expects them, He grieves. Nevertheless, one lesson is learned from God's love to the Universe. Despite His grief caused by the human beings, He continues loving them and showering them with blessings. It shows that we cannot separate love from grief and that grief never takes away our ability to love. It follows that people should not shy away from loving regardless of the predictable ending, which is hurting.

Apparently, grieve is the core prize that individuals have to contend with whenever love is ended abruptly. The void left in the heart after losing a beloved one is devastating. The parent-child, intimate, person-object, and God-person relationships are significant when it comes to solidifying the claim people cannot live without loving. This implies that everyone who loves must be ready to mourn when the relationship ends. The intricate relationship is a cycle where one loves, grieves, loves again, grieves again and so forth until when they die, and other people are left to propel the vicious cycle.

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Short Essay: About Love

A couple of short essay examples about love.

Table of Contents

About Love Essay Example 1

Love is a universal emotion that has been written about and explored in literature, art, and music throughout human history. It is a complex feeling that can manifest in many different ways, including romantic love, familial love, and platonic love. While love can bring joy and happiness, it can also cause heartache and pain. However, research suggests that love can have both positive and negative effects on mental and physical health. In this essay, we will explore the different aspects of love, including its effects on health, and the importance of effort and communication in maintaining strong relationships.

Love is a complex emotion that can manifest in many different ways. One of the most common forms of love is romantic love, which involves a deep emotional and physical attraction to another person. This type of love is often associated with feelings of euphoria and passion, but it can also bring heartache and disappointment. Familial love, on the other hand, is the love between family members, such as parents and children, siblings, and grandparents. This type of love is often unconditional and enduring, providing a sense of security and belonging. Platonic love is the love between friends, which can be just as strong and meaningful as other forms of love.

Research suggests that love can have both positive and negative effects on mental and physical health. Studies have shown that people in loving relationships tend to have lower levels of stress and anxiety, better cardiovascular health, and longer lifespans. However, love can also cause negative health effects, such as depression and anxiety when relationships end. In addition, unhealthy relationships can lead to emotional and physical abuse, which can have long-lasting effects on mental and physical health.

Love requires effort and communication in order to maintain strong relationships and overcome challenges. Effort involves making time for one another, showing affection, and supporting each other through difficult times. Effective communication is also essential in building and maintaining relationships. This includes listening actively, expressing feelings and needs clearly, and resolving conflicts in a healthy and respectful manner. Without effort and communication, relationships can easily break down, leading to feelings of loneliness and isolation.

In conclusion, love is a complex emotion that can take many different forms. While it can bring joy and happiness, it can also bring heartache and pain. Research suggests that love can have both positive and negative effects on mental and physical health. Therefore, it is important to put in the effort and communication required to maintain strong relationships and overcome challenges. By doing so, we can experience the many benefits of love and create meaningful connections with others.

About Love Essay Example 2

Love is a complex emotion that has been the subject of literature, music, and art for centuries. It can be defined as a strong feeling of affection and attachment towards someone or something. Love takes many forms, including romantic love, familial love, and love between friends. In this essay, we will explore the different types of love and the impact they have on our lives. We will also examine the joys and sorrows that come with loving someone or something deeply.

Romantic love is perhaps the most well-known form of love. It is characterized by intense feelings of attraction, passion, and desire between two people. Romantic love is often associated with physical intimacy and can take many different forms, including long-term relationships, casual dating, and one-night stands.

When people are in romantic love, they often feel a range of emotions, including excitement, happiness, and nervousness. However, romantic love can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. When relationships end, it can be difficult to cope with the loss of someone who was once so important to us. Nevertheless, the joys of romantic love often outweigh the risks, as it can bring great happiness and fulfillment to our lives.

Familial love refers to the love between family members, including parents, siblings, and children. This type of love is often unconditional, which means that it is not based on factors such as physical appearance or success. Familial love is often characterized by a deep sense of loyalty and support, and it can be a source of great comfort and security.

However, familial love is not always easy. Family members can have conflicts and disagreements, and it can be difficult to navigate these relationships. In some cases, familial love can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak, such as when family members pass away or become estranged from one another. Despite these challenges, familial love is an important part of our lives, and it can bring us great happiness and fulfillment.

Love between friends refers to the deep affection and attachment that can develop between people who are not romantically involved. This type of love is often characterized by shared interests, experiences, and values. Friends can provide us with support, encouragement, and a sense of belonging.

However, love between friends can also be accompanied by challenges. Friends can have conflicts and disagreements, and it can be difficult to navigate these relationships. In some cases, friendships can end, and it can be difficult to cope with the loss of someone who was once so important to us. Despite these challenges, love between friends is an important part of our lives, and it can bring us great happiness and fulfillment.

In conclusion, love is a complex emotion that takes many different forms. Romantic love, familial love, and love between friends all have their joys and sorrows. While love can bring great happiness and fulfillment to our lives, it can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. Nevertheless, the importance of love in our lives cannot be overstated, as it is a fundamental part of what makes us human.

About Love Essay Example 3

Love is an emotion that has been the subject of countless songs, poems, and stories throughout history. It is a feeling that can take many forms and can be experienced in various relationships, including romantic, familial, and platonic. Love can bring great joy and fulfillment, but it can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. In this essay, we will explore the different forms of love and the ways in which it can affect our lives.

Love is a complex emotion that can take many forms. Romantic love is often the first type of love that comes to mind, and it is characterized by feelings of attraction, passion, and intimacy. This type of love can be experienced between two people of any gender and can lead to long-lasting relationships, marriage, and a family. Familial love is the love that exists between family members, such as parents and children or siblings. This type of love is often unconditional and can provide a sense of security and support. Lastly, platonic love is the love that exists between friends. This type of love can be just as strong as romantic or familial love, but it is not based on physical attraction or blood relations.

Love can bring great joy and fulfillment, but it can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. When love is reciprocated, it can create a sense of happiness and contentment that is difficult to describe. However, when love is not returned, it can lead to feelings of rejection, sadness, and even depression. In romantic relationships, heartbreak can occur when one partner decides to end the relationship or when infidelity is involved. In familial relationships, heartbreak can occur when a parent and child have a falling out or when siblings become estranged. In platonic relationships, heartbreak can occur when a friend moves away or when a friendship ends due to a disagreement.

Expressions of love can include physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and quality time spent together. Physical touch can include hugging, kissing, holding hands, or any other physical contact that shows affection. Words of affirmation can include saying “I love you,” complimenting your partner, or expressing your appreciation for someone. Acts of service can include doing something nice for your partner, such as cooking dinner or cleaning the house. Quality time spent together can include going on a date, watching a movie, or simply spending time talking and enjoying each other’s company. These expressions of love can help to strengthen relationships and create a sense of intimacy.

In conclusion, love is a complex emotion that can take on many forms and can affect our lives in various ways. It can bring great joy and fulfillment, but it can also be accompanied by pain and heartbreak. By understanding the different forms of love and the expressions of love, we can create stronger relationships and experience the full range of emotions that love can bring.

About Mr. Greg

Mr. Greg is an English teacher from Edinburgh, Scotland, currently based in Hong Kong. He has over 5 years teaching experience and recently completed his PGCE at the University of Essex Online. In 2013, he graduated from Edinburgh Napier University with a BEng(Hons) in Computing, with a focus on social media.

Mr. Greg’s English Cloud was created in 2020 during the pandemic, aiming to provide students and parents with resources to help facilitate their learning at home.

Whatsapp: +85259609792

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9 Painful Reasons Why Love Hurts So Much

1. No one can meet your fantasy expectations of perfection.

2. Acceptance is difficult.

3. You will hurt your partner.

4. You doubt whether this person is right for you.

5. You are anxious about the future of your relationship.

6. You project past pain onto your current relationship.

7. Love can be overwhelming.

8. Love shines a light on all that is imperfect.

9. Change is painful.

What can ease the pain of love?

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