expression of love essays

Essays About Love: 20 Intriguing Ideas for Students

Love can make a fascinating essay topic, but sometimes finding the perfect topic idea is challenging. Here are 20 of the best essays about love.

Writers have often explored the subject of love and what it means throughout history. In his book Essays in Love , Alain de Botton creates an in-depth essay on what love looks like, exploring a fictional couple’s relationship while highlighting many facts about love. This book shows how much there is to say about love as it beautifully merges non-fiction with fiction work.

The New York Times  published an entire column dedicated to essays on modern love, and many prize-winning reporters often contribute to the collection. With so many published works available, the subject of love has much to be explored.

If you are going to write an essay about love and its effects, you will need a winning topic idea. Here are the top 20 topic ideas for essays about love. These topics will give you plenty to think about and explore as you take a stab at the subject that has stumped philosophers, writers, and poets since the dawn of time.

For help with your essays, check out our round-up of the best essay checkers .

1. Outline the Definition of Love

2. describe your favorite love story, 3. what true love looks like, 4. discuss how human beings are hard-wired for love, 5. explore the different types of love, 6. determine the true meaning of love, 7. discuss the power of love, 8. do soul mates exist, 9. determine if all relationships should experience a break-up, 10. does love at first sight exist, 11. explore love between parents and children, 12. discuss the disadvantages of love, 13. ask if love is blind, 14. discuss the chemical changes that love causes, 15. outline the ethics of love, 16. the inevitability of heartbreak, 17. the role of love in a particular genre of literature, 18. is love freeing or oppressing, 19. does love make people do foolish things, 20. explore the theme of love from your favorite book or movie.

Defining love may not be as easy as you think. While it seems simple, love is an abstract concept with multiple potential meanings. Exploring these meanings and then creating your own definition of love can make an engaging essay topic.

To do this, first, consider the various conventional definitions of love. Then, compare and contrast them until you come up with your own definition of love.

One essay about love you could tackle is describing and analyzing a favorite love story. This story could be from a fiction tale or real life. It could even be your love story.

As you analyze and explain the love story, talk about the highs and lows of love. Showcase the hard and great parts of this love story, then end the essay by talking about what real love looks like (outside the flowers and chocolates).

This essay will explore what true love looks like. With this essay idea, you could contrast true love with the romantic love often shown in movies. This contrast would help the reader see how true love looks in real life.

An essay about what true love looks like could allow you to explore this kind of love in many different facets. It would allow you to discuss whether or not someone is, in fact, in true love. You could demonstrate why saying “I love you” is not enough through the essay.

There seems to be something ingrained in human nature to seek love. This fact could make an interesting essay on love and its meaning, allowing you to explore why this might be and how it plays out in human relationships.

Because humans seem to gravitate toward committed relationships, you could argue that we are hard-wired for love. But, again, this is an essay option that has room for growth as you develop your thoughts.

There are many different types of love. For example, while you can have romantic love between a couple, you may also have family love among family members and love between friends. Each of these types of love has a different expression, which could lend itself well to an interesting essay topic.

Writing an essay that compares and contrasts the different types of love would allow you to delve more deeply into the concept of love and what makes up a loving relationship.

What does love mean? This question is not as easy to answer as you might think. However, this essay topic could give you quite a bit of room to develop your ideas about love.

While exploring this essay topic, you may discover that love means different things to different people. For some, love is about how someone makes another person feel. To others, it is about actions performed. By exploring this in an essay, you can attempt to define love for your readers.

What can love make people do? This question could lend itself well to an essay topic. The power of love is quite intense, and it can make people do things they never thought they could or would do.

With this love essay, you could look at historical examples of love, fiction stories about love relationships, or your own life story and what love had the power to do. Then, at the end of your essay, you can determine how powerful love is.

The idea of a soul mate is someone who you are destined to be with and love above all others. This essay topic would allow you to explore whether or not each individual has a soul mate.

If you determine that they do, you could further discuss how you would identify that soul mate. How can you tell when you have found “the one” right for you? Expanding on this idea could create a very interesting and unique essay.

Break-ups seem inevitable, and strong relationships often come back together afterward. Yet are break-ups truly inevitable? Or are they necessary to create a strong bond? This idea could turn into a fascinating essay topic if you look at both sides of the argument.

On the one hand, you could argue that the break-up experience shows you whether or not your relationship can weather difficult times. On the other hand, you could argue that breaking up damages the trust you’re working to build. Regardless of your conclusion, you can build a solid essay off of this topic idea.

Love, at first sight is a common theme in romance stories, but is it possible? Explore this idea in your essay. You will likely find that love, at first sight, is nothing more than infatuation, not genuine love.

Yet you may discover that sometimes, love, at first sight, does happen. So, determine in your essay how you can differentiate between love and infatuation if it happens to you. Then, conclude with your take on love at first sight and if you think it is possible.

The love between a parent and child is much different than the love between a pair of lovers. This type of love is one-sided, with care and self-sacrifice on the parent’s side. However, the child’s love is often unconditional.

Exploring this dynamic, especially when contrasting parental love with romantic love, provides a compelling essay topic. You would have the opportunity to define this type of love and explore what it looks like in day-to-day life.

Most people want to fall in love and enjoy a loving relationship, but does love have a downside? In an essay, you can explore the disadvantages of love and show how even one of life’s greatest gifts is not without its challenges.

This essay would require you to dig deep and find the potential downsides of love. However, if you give it a little thought, you should be able to discuss several. Finally, end the essay by telling the reader whether or not love is worth it despite the many challenges.

Love is blind is a popular phrase that indicates love allows someone not to see another person’s faults. But is love blind, or is it simply a metaphor that indicates the ability to overlook issues when love is at the helm.

If you think more deeply about this quote, you will probably determine that love is not blind. Rather, love for someone can overshadow their character flaws and shortcomings. When love is strong, these things fall by the wayside. Discuss this in your essay, and draw your own conclusion to decide if love is blind.

When someone falls in love, their body feels specific hormonal and chemical changes. These changes make it easier to want to spend time with the person. Yet they can be fascinating to study, and you could ask whether or not love is just chemical reactions or something more.

Grab a science book or two and see if you can explore these physiological changes from love. From the additional sweating to the flushing of the face, you will find quite a few chemical changes that happen when someone is in love.

Love feels like a positive emotion that does not have many ethical concerns, but this is not true. Several ethical questions come from the world of love. Exploring these would make for an interesting and thoughtful essay.

For example, you could discuss if it is ethically acceptable to love an object or even oneself or love other people. You could discuss if it is appropriate to enter into a physical relationship if there is no love present or if love needs to come first. There are many questions to explore with this love essay.

If you choose to love someone, is heartbreak inevitable? This question could create a lengthy essay. However, some would argue that it is because either your object of affection will eventually leave you through a break-up or death.

Yet do these actions have to cause heartbreak, or are they simply part of the process? Again, this question lends itself well to an essay because it has many aspects and opinions to explore.

Literature is full of stories of love. You could choose a genre, like mythology or science fiction, and explore the role of love in that particular genre. With this essay topic, you may find many instances where love is a vital central theme of the work.

Keep in mind that in some genres, like myths, love becomes a driving force in the plot, while in others, like historical fiction, it may simply be a background part of the story. Therefore, the type of literature you choose for this essay would significantly impact the way your essay develops.

Most people want to fall in love, but is love freeing or oppressing? The answer may depend on who your loved ones are. Love should free individuals to authentically be who they are, not tie them into something they are not.

Yet there is a side of love that can be viewed as oppressive, deepening on your viewpoint. For example, you should stay committed to just that individual when you are in a committed relationship with someone else. Is this freeing or oppressive? Gather opinions through research and compare the answers for a compelling essay.

You can easily find stories of people that did foolish things for love. These stories could translate into interesting and engaging essays. You could conclude the answer to whether or not love makes people do foolish things.

Your answer will depend on your research, but chances are you will find that, yes, love makes people foolish at times. Then you could use your essay to discuss whether or not it is still reasonable to think that falling in love is a good thing, although it makes people act foolishly at times.

Most fiction works have love in them in some way. This may not be romantic love, but you will likely find characters who love something or someone.

Use that fact to create an essay. Pick your favorite story, either through film or written works, and explore what love looks like in that work. Discuss the character development, storyline, and themes and show how love is used to create compelling storylines.

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

Bryan Collins is the owner of Become a Writer Today. He's an author from Ireland who helps writers build authority and earn a living from their creative work. He's also a former Forbes columnist and his work has appeared in publications like Lifehacker and Fast Company.

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This essay focuses on personal love, or the love of particular persons as such. Part of the philosophical task in understanding personal love is to distinguish the various kinds of personal love. For example, the way in which I love my wife is seemingly very different from the way I love my mother, my child, and my friend. This task has typically proceeded hand-in-hand with philosophical analyses of these kinds of personal love, analyses that in part respond to various puzzles about love. Can love be justified? If so, how? What is the value of personal love? What impact does love have on the autonomy of both the lover and the beloved?

1. Preliminary Distinctions

2. love as union, 3. love as robust concern, 4.1 love as appraisal of value, 4.2 love as bestowal of value, 4.3 an intermediate position, 5.1 love as emotion proper, 5.2 love as emotion complex, 6. the value and justification of love, other internet resources, related entries.

In ordinary conversations, we often say things like the following:

• I love chocolate (or skiing).
• I love doing philosophy (or being a father).
• I love my dog (or cat).
• I love my wife (or mother or child or friend).

However, what is meant by ‘love’ differs from case to case. (1) may be understood as meaning merely that I like this thing or activity very much. In (2) the implication is typically that I find engaging in a certain activity or being a certain kind of person to be a part of my identity and so what makes my life worth living; I might just as well say that I value these. By contrast, (3) and (4) seem to indicate a mode of concern that cannot be neatly assimilated to anything else. Thus, we might understand the sort of love at issue in (4) to be, roughly, a matter of caring about another person as the person she is, for her own sake. (Accordingly, (3) may be understood as a kind of deficient mode of the sort of love we typically reserve for persons.) Philosophical accounts of love have focused primarily on the sort of personal love at issue in (4); such personal love will be the focus here (though see Frankfurt (1999) and Jaworska & Wonderly (2017) for attempts to provide a more general account that applies to non-persons as well).

Even within personal love, philosophers from the ancient Greeks on have traditionally distinguished three notions that can properly be called “love”: eros , agape , and philia . It will be useful to distinguish these three and say something about how contemporary discussions typically blur these distinctions (sometimes intentionally so) or use them for other purposes.

‘ Eros ’ originally meant love in the sense of a kind of passionate desire for an object, typically sexual passion (Liddell et al., 1940). Nygren (1953a,b) describes eros as the “‘love of desire,’ or acquisitive love” and therefore as egocentric (1953b, p. 89). Soble (1989b, 1990) similarly describes eros as “selfish” and as a response to the merits of the beloved—especially the beloved’s goodness or beauty. What is evident in Soble’s description of eros is a shift away from the sexual: to love something in the “erosic” sense (to use the term Soble coins) is to love it in a way that, by being responsive to its merits, is dependent on reasons. Such an understanding of eros is encouraged by Plato’s discussion in the Symposium , in which Socrates understands sexual desire to be a deficient response to physical beauty in particular, a response which ought to be developed into a response to the beauty of a person’s soul and, ultimately, into a response to the form, Beauty.

Soble’s intent in understanding eros to be a reason-dependent sort of love is to articulate a sharp contrast with agape , a sort of love that does not respond to the value of its object. ‘ Agape ’ has come, primarily through the Christian tradition, to mean the sort of love God has for us persons, as well as our love for God and, by extension, of our love for each other—a kind of brotherly love. In the paradigm case of God’s love for us, agape is “spontaneous and unmotivated,” revealing not that we merit that love but that God’s nature is love (Nygren 1953b, p. 85). Rather than responding to antecedent value in its object, agape instead is supposed to create value in its object and therefore to initiate our fellowship with God (pp. 87–88). Consequently, Badhwar (2003, p. 58) characterizes agape as “independent of the loved individual’s fundamental characteristics as the particular person she is”; and Soble (1990, p. 5) infers that agape , in contrast to eros , is therefore not reason dependent but is rationally “incomprehensible,” admitting at best of causal or historical explanations. [ 1 ]

Finally, ‘ philia ’ originally meant a kind of affectionate regard or friendly feeling towards not just one’s friends but also possibly towards family members, business partners, and one’s country at large (Liddell et al., 1940; Cooper, 1977). Like eros , philia is generally (but not universally) understood to be responsive to (good) qualities in one’s beloved. This similarity between eros and philia has led Thomas (1987) to wonder whether the only difference between romantic love and friendship is the sexual involvement of the former—and whether that is adequate to account for the real differences we experience. The distinction between eros and philia becomes harder to draw with Soble’s attempt to diminish the importance of the sexual in eros (1990).

Maintaining the distinctions among eros , agape , and philia becomes even more difficult when faced with contemporary theories of love (including romantic love) and friendship. For, as discussed below, some theories of romantic love understand it along the lines of the agape tradition as creating value in the beloved (cf. Section 4.2 ), and other accounts of romantic love treat sexual activity as merely the expression of what otherwise looks very much like friendship.

Given the focus here on personal love, Christian conceptions of God’s love for persons (and vice versa ) will be omitted, and the distinction between eros and philia will be blurred—as it typically is in contemporary accounts. Instead, the focus here will be on these contemporary understandings of love, including romantic love, understood as an attitude we take towards other persons. [ 2 ]

In providing an account of love, philosophical analyses must be careful to distinguish love from other positive attitudes we take towards persons, such as liking. Intuitively, love differs from such attitudes as liking in terms of its “depth,” and the problem is to elucidate the kind of “depth” we intuitively find love to have. Some analyses do this in part by providing thin conceptions of what liking amounts to. Thus, Singer (1991) and Brown (1987) understand liking to be a matter of desiring, an attitude that at best involves its object having only instrumental (and not intrinsic) value. Yet this seems inadequate: surely there are attitudes towards persons intermediate between having a desire with a person as its object and loving the person. I can care about a person for her own sake and not merely instrumentally, and yet such caring does not on its own amount to (non-deficiently) loving her, for it seems I can care about my dog in exactly the same way, a kind of caring which is insufficiently personal for love.

It is more common to distinguish loving from liking via the intuition that the “depth” of love is to be explained in terms of a notion of identification: to love someone is somehow to identify yourself with him, whereas no such notion of identification is involved in liking. As Nussbaum puts it, “The choice between one potential love and another can feel, and be, like a choice of a way of life, a decision to dedicate oneself to these values rather than these” (1990, p. 328); liking clearly does not have this sort of “depth” (see also Helm 2010; Bagley 2015). Whether love involves some kind of identification, and if so exactly how to understand such identification, is a central bone of contention among the various analyses of love. In particular, Whiting (2013) argues that the appeal to a notion of identification distorts our understanding of the sort of motivation love can provide, for taken literally it implies that love motivates through self -interest rather than through the beloved’s interests. Thus, Whiting argues, central to love is the possibility that love takes the lover “outside herself”, potentially forgetting herself in being moved directly by the interests of the beloved. (Of course, we need not take the notion of identification literally in this way: in identifying with one’s beloved, one might have a concern for one’s beloved that is analogous to one’s concern for oneself; see Helm 2010.)

Another common way to distinguish love from other personal attitudes is in terms of a distinctive kind of evaluation, which itself can account for love’s “depth.” Again, whether love essentially involves a distinctive kind of evaluation, and if so how to make sense of that evaluation, is hotly disputed. Closely related to questions of evaluation are questions of justification: can we justify loving or continuing to love a particular person, and if so, how? For those who think the justification of love is possible, it is common to understand such justification in terms of evaluation, and the answers here affect various accounts’ attempts to make sense of the kind of constancy or commitment love seems to involve, as well as the sense in which love is directed at particular individuals.

In what follows, theories of love are tentatively and hesitantly classified into four types: love as union, love as robust concern, love as valuing, and love as an emotion. It should be clear, however, that particular theories classified under one type sometimes also include, without contradiction, ideas central to other types. The types identified here overlap to some extent, and in some cases classifying particular theories may involve excessive pigeonholing. (Such cases are noted below.) Part of the classificatory problem is that many accounts of love are quasi-reductionistic, understanding love in terms of notions like affection, evaluation, attachment, etc., which themselves never get analyzed. Even when these accounts eschew explicitly reductionistic language, very often little attempt is made to show how one such “aspect” of love is conceptually connected to others. As a result, there is no clear and obvious way to classify particular theories, let alone identify what the relevant classes should be.

The union view claims that love consists in the formation of (or the desire to form) some significant kind of union, a “we.” A central task for union theorists, therefore, is to spell out just what such a “we” comes to—whether it is literally a new entity in the world somehow composed of the lover and the beloved, or whether it is merely metaphorical. Variants of this view perhaps go back to Aristotle (cf. Sherman 1993) and can also be found in Montaigne ([E]) and Hegel (1997); contemporary proponents include Solomon (1981, 1988), Scruton (1986), Nozick (1989), Fisher (1990), and Delaney (1996).

Scruton, writing in particular about romantic love, claims that love exists “just so soon as reciprocity becomes community: that is, just so soon as all distinction between my interests and your interests is overcome” (1986, p. 230). The idea is that the union is a union of concern, so that when I act out of that concern it is not for my sake alone or for your sake alone but for our sake. Fisher (1990) holds a similar, but somewhat more moderate view, claiming that love is a partial fusion of the lovers’ cares, concerns, emotional responses, and actions. What is striking about both Scruton and Fisher is the claim that love requires the actual union of the lovers’ concerns, for it thus becomes clear that they conceive of love not so much as an attitude we take towards another but as a relationship: the distinction between your interests and mine genuinely disappears only when we together come to have shared cares, concerns, etc., and my merely having a certain attitude towards you is not enough for love. This provides content to the notion of a “we” as the (metaphorical?) subject of these shared cares and concerns, and as that for whose sake we act.

Solomon (1988) offers a union view as well, though one that tries “to make new sense out of ‘love’ through a literal rather than metaphoric sense of the ‘fusion’ of two souls” (p. 24, cf. Solomon 1981; however, it is unclear exactly what he means by a “soul” here and so how love can be a “literal” fusion of two souls). What Solomon has in mind is the way in which, through love, the lovers redefine their identities as persons in terms of the relationship: “Love is the concentration and the intensive focus of mutual definition on a single individual, subjecting virtually every personal aspect of one’s self to this process” (1988, p. 197). The result is that lovers come to share the interests, roles, virtues, and so on that constitute what formerly was two individual identities but now has become a shared identity, and they do so in part by each allowing the other to play an important role in defining his own identity.

Nozick (1989) offers a union view that differs from those of Scruton, Fisher, and Solomon in that Nozick thinks that what is necessary for love is merely the desire to form a “we,” together with the desire that your beloved reciprocates. Nonetheless, he claims that this “we” is “a new entity in the world…created by a new web of relationships between [the lovers] which makes them no longer separate” (p. 70). In spelling out this web of relationships, Nozick appeals to the lovers “pooling” not only their well-beings, in the sense that the well-being of each is tied up with that of the other, but also their autonomy, in that “each transfers some previous rights to make certain decisions unilaterally into a joint pool” (p. 71). In addition, Nozick claims, the lovers each acquire a new identity as a part of the “we,” a new identity constituted by their (a) wanting to be perceived publicly as a couple, (b) their attending to their pooled well-being, and (c) their accepting a “certain kind of division of labor” (p. 72):

A person in a we might find himself coming across something interesting to read yet leaving it for the other person, not because he himself would not be interested in it but because the other would be more interested, and one of them reading it is sufficient for it to be registered by the wider identity now shared, the we . [ 3 ]

Opponents of the union view have seized on claims like this as excessive: union theorists, they claim, take too literally the ontological commitments of this notion of a “we.” This leads to two specific criticisms of the union view. The first is that union views do away with individual autonomy. Autonomy, it seems, involves a kind of independence on the part of the autonomous agent, such that she is in control over not only what she does but also who she is, as this is constituted by her interests, values, concerns, etc. However, union views, by doing away with a clear distinction between your interests and mine, thereby undermine this sort of independence and so undermine the autonomy of the lovers. If autonomy is a part of the individual’s good, then, on the union view, love is to this extent bad; so much the worse for the union view (Singer 1994; Soble 1997). Moreover, Singer (1994) argues that a necessary part of having your beloved be the object of your love is respect for your beloved as the particular person she is, and this requires respecting her autonomy.

Union theorists have responded to this objection in several ways. Nozick (1989) seems to think of a loss of autonomy in love as a desirable feature of the sort of union lovers can achieve. Fisher (1990), somewhat more reluctantly, claims that the loss of autonomy in love is an acceptable consequence of love. Yet without further argument these claims seem like mere bullet biting. Solomon (1988, pp. 64ff) describes this “tension” between union and autonomy as “the paradox of love.” However, this a view that Soble (1997) derides: merely to call it a paradox, as Solomon does, is not to face up to the problem.

The second criticism involves a substantive view concerning love. Part of what it is to love someone, these opponents say, is to have concern for him for his sake. However, union views make such concern unintelligible and eliminate the possibility of both selfishness and self-sacrifice, for by doing away with the distinction between my interests and your interests they have in effect turned your interests into mine and vice versa (Soble 1997; see also Blum 1980, 1993). Some advocates of union views see this as a point in their favor: we need to explain how it is I can have concern for people other than myself, and the union view apparently does this by understanding your interests to be part of my own. And Delaney, responding to an apparent tension between our desire to be loved unselfishly (for fear of otherwise being exploited) and our desire to be loved for reasons (which presumably are attractive to our lover and hence have a kind of selfish basis), says (1996, p. 346):

Given my view that the romantic ideal is primarily characterized by a desire to achieve a profound consolidation of needs and interests through the formation of a we , I do not think a little selfishness of the sort described should pose a worry to either party.

The objection, however, lies precisely in this attempt to explain my concern for my beloved egoistically. As Whiting (1991, p. 10) puts it, such an attempt “strikes me as unnecessary and potentially objectionable colonization”: in love, I ought to be concerned with my beloved for her sake, and not because I somehow get something out of it. (This can be true whether my concern with my beloved is merely instrumental to my good or whether it is partly constitutive of my good.)

Although Whiting’s and Soble’s criticisms here succeed against the more radical advocates of the union view, they in part fail to acknowledge the kernel of truth to be gleaned from the idea of union. Whiting’s way of formulating the second objection in terms of an unnecessary egoism in part points to a way out: we persons are in part social creatures, and love is one profound mode of that sociality. Indeed, part of the point of union accounts is to make sense of this social dimension: to make sense of a way in which we can sometimes identify ourselves with others not merely in becoming interdependent with them (as Singer 1994, p. 165, suggests, understanding ‘interdependence’ to be a kind of reciprocal benevolence and respect) but rather in making who we are as persons be constituted in part by those we love (cf., e.g., Rorty 1986/1993; Nussbaum 1990).

Along these lines, Friedman (1998), taking her inspiration in part from Delaney (1996), argues that we should understand the sort of union at issue in love to be a kind of federation of selves:

On the federation model, a third unified entity is constituted by the interaction of the lovers, one which involves the lovers acting in concert across a range of conditions and for a range of purposes. This concerted action, however, does not erase the existence of the two lovers as separable and separate agents with continuing possibilities for the exercise of their own respective agencies. [p. 165]

Given that on this view the lovers do not give up their individual identities, there is no principled reason why the union view cannot make sense of the lover’s concern for her beloved for his sake. [ 4 ] Moreover, Friedman argues, once we construe union as federation, we can see that autonomy is not a zero-sum game; rather, love can both directly enhance the autonomy of each and promote the growth of various skills, like realistic and critical self-evaluation, that foster autonomy.

Nonetheless, this federation model is not without its problems—problems that affect other versions of the union view as well. For if the federation (or the “we”, as on Nozick’s view) is understood as a third entity, we need a clearer account than has been given of its ontological status and how it comes to be. Relevant here is the literature on shared intention and plural subjects. Gilbert (1989, 1996, 2000) has argued that we should take quite seriously the existence of a plural subject as an entity over and above its constituent members. Others, such as Tuomela (1984, 1995), Searle (1990), and Bratman (1999) are more cautious, treating such talk of “us” having an intention as metaphorical.

As this criticism of the union view indicates, many find caring about your beloved for her sake to be a part of what it is to love her. The robust concern view of love takes this to be the central and defining feature of love (cf. Taylor 1976; Newton-Smith 1989; Soble 1990, 1997; LaFollette 1996; Frankfurt 1999; White 2001). As Taylor puts it:

To summarize: if x loves y then x wants to benefit and be with y etc., and he has these wants (or at least some of them) because he believes y has some determinate characteristics ψ in virtue of which he thinks it worth while to benefit and be with y . He regards satisfaction of these wants as an end and not as a means towards some other end. [p. 157]

In conceiving of my love for you as constituted by my concern for you for your sake, the robust concern view rejects the idea, central to the union view, that love is to be understood in terms of the (literal or metaphorical) creation of a “we”: I am the one who has this concern for you, though it is nonetheless disinterested and so not egoistic insofar as it is for your sake rather than for my own. [ 5 ]

At the heart of the robust concern view is the idea that love “is neither affective nor cognitive. It is volitional” (Frankfurt 1999, p. 129; see also Martin 2015). Frankfurt continues:

That a person cares about or that he loves something has less to do with how things make him feel, or with his opinions about them, than with the more or less stable motivational structures that shape his preferences and that guide and limit his conduct.

This account analyzes caring about someone for her sake as a matter of being motivated in certain ways, in part as a response to what happens to one’s beloved. Of course, to understand love in terms of desires is not to leave other emotional responses out in the cold, for these emotions should be understood as consequences of desires. Thus, just as I can be emotionally crushed when one of my strong desires is disappointed, so too I can be emotionally crushed when things similarly go badly for my beloved. In this way Frankfurt (1999) tacitly, and White (2001) more explicitly, acknowledge the way in which my caring for my beloved for her sake results in my identity being transformed through her influence insofar as I become vulnerable to things that happen to her.

Not all robust concern theorists seem to accept this line, however; in particular, Taylor (1976) and Soble (1990) seem to have a strongly individualistic conception of persons that prevents my identity being bound up with my beloved in this sort of way, a kind of view that may seem to undermine the intuitive “depth” that love seems to have. (For more on this point, see Rorty 1986/1993.) In the middle is Stump (2006), who follows Aquinas in understanding love to involve not only the desire for your beloved’s well-being but also a desire for a certain kind of relationship with your beloved—as a parent or spouse or sibling or priest or friend, for example—a relationship within which you share yourself with and connect yourself to your beloved. [ 6 ]

One source of worry about the robust concern view is that it involves too passive an understanding of one’s beloved (Ebels-Duggan 2008). The thought is that on the robust concern view the lover merely tries to discover what the beloved’s well-being consists in and then acts to promote that, potentially by thwarting the beloved’s own efforts when the lover thinks those efforts would harm her well-being. This, however, would be disrespectful and demeaning, not the sort of attitude that love is. What robust concern views seem to miss, Ebels-Duggan suggests, is the way love involves interacting agents, each with a capacity for autonomy the recognition and engagement with which is an essential part of love. In response, advocates of the robust concern view might point out that promoting someone’s well-being normally requires promoting her autonomy (though they may maintain that this need not always be true: that paternalism towards a beloved can sometimes be justified and appropriate as an expression of one’s love). Moreover, we might plausibly think, it is only through the exercise of one’s autonomy that one can define one’s own well-being as a person, so that a lover’s failure to respect the beloved’s autonomy would be a failure to promote her well-being and therefore not an expression of love, contrary to what Ebels-Duggan suggests. Consequently, it might seem, robust concern views can counter this objection by offering an enriched conception of what it is to be a person and so of the well-being of persons.

Another source of worry is that the robust concern view offers too thin a conception of love. By emphasizing robust concern, this view understands other features we think characteristic of love, such as one’s emotional responsiveness to one’s beloved, to be the effects of that concern rather than constituents of it. Thus Velleman (1999) argues that robust concern views, by understanding love merely as a matter of aiming at a particular end (viz., the welfare of one’s beloved), understand love to be merely conative. However, he claims, love can have nothing to do with desires, offering as a counterexample the possibility of loving a troublemaking relation whom you do not want to be with, whose well being you do not want to promote, etc. Similarly, Badhwar (2003) argues that such a “teleological” view of love makes it mysterious how “we can continue to love someone long after death has taken him beyond harm or benefit” (p. 46). Moreover Badhwar argues, if love is essentially a desire, then it implies that we lack something; yet love does not imply this and, indeed, can be felt most strongly at times when we feel our lives most complete and lacking in nothing. Consequently, Velleman and Badhwar conclude, love need not involve any desire or concern for the well-being of one’s beloved.

This conclusion, however, seems too hasty, for such examples can be accommodated within the robust concern view. Thus, the concern for your relative in Velleman’s example can be understood to be present but swamped by other, more powerful desires to avoid him. Indeed, keeping the idea that you want to some degree to benefit him, an idea Velleman rejects, seems to be essential to understanding the conceptual tension between loving someone and not wanting to help him, a tension Velleman does not fully acknowledge. Similarly, continued love for someone who has died can be understood on the robust concern view as parasitic on the former love you had for him when he was still alive: your desires to benefit him get transformed, through your subsequent understanding of the impossibility of doing so, into wishes. [ 7 ] Finally, the idea of concern for your beloved’s well-being need not imply the idea that you lack something, for such concern can be understood in terms of the disposition to be vigilant for occasions when you can come to his aid and consequently to have the relevant occurrent desires. All of this seems fully compatible with the robust concern view.

One might also question whether Velleman and Badhwar make proper use of their examples of loving your meddlesome relation or someone who has died. For although we can understand these as genuine cases of love, they are nonetheless deficient cases and ought therefore be understood as parasitic on the standard cases. Readily to accommodate such deficient cases of love into a philosophical analysis as being on a par with paradigm cases, and to do so without some special justification, is dubious.

Nonetheless, the robust concern view as it stands does not seem properly able to account for the intuitive “depth” of love and so does not seem properly to distinguish loving from liking. Although, as noted above, the robust concern view can begin to make some sense of the way in which the lover’s identity is altered by the beloved, it understands this only an effect of love, and not as a central part of what love consists in.

This vague thought is nicely developed by Wonderly (2017), who emphasizes that in addition to the sort of disinterested concern for another that is central to robust-concern accounts of love, an essential part of at least romantic love is the idea that in loving someone I must find them to be not merely important for their own sake but also important to me . Wonderly (2017) fleshes out what this “importance to me” involves in terms of the idea of attachment (developed in Wonderly 2016) that she argues can make sense of the intimacy and depth of love from within what remains fundamentally a robust-concern account. [ 8 ]

4. Love as Valuing

A third kind of view of love understands love to be a distinctive mode of valuing a person. As the distinction between eros and agape in Section 1 indicates, there are at least two ways to construe this in terms of whether the lover values the beloved because she is valuable, or whether the beloved comes to be valuable to the lover as a result of her loving him. The former view, which understands the lover as appraising the value of the beloved in loving him, is the topic of Section 4.1 , whereas the latter view, which understands her as bestowing value on him, will be discussed in Section 4.2 .

Velleman (1999, 2008) offers an appraisal view of love, understanding love to be fundamentally a matter of acknowledging and responding in a distinctive way to the value of the beloved. (For a very different appraisal view of love, see Kolodny 2003.) Understanding this more fully requires understanding both the kind of value of the beloved to which one responds and the distinctive kind of response to such value that love is. Nonetheless, it should be clear that what makes an account be an appraisal view of love is not the mere fact that love is understood to involve appraisal; many other accounts do so, and it is typical of robust concern accounts, for example (cf. the quote from Taylor above , Section 3 ). Rather, appraisal views are distinctive in understanding love to consist in that appraisal.

In articulating the kind of value love involves, Velleman, following Kant, distinguishes dignity from price. To have a price , as the economic metaphor suggests, is to have a value that can be compared to the value of other things with prices, such that it is intelligible to exchange without loss items of the same value. By contrast, to have dignity is to have a value such that comparisons of relative value become meaningless. Material goods are normally understood to have prices, but we persons have dignity: no substitution of one person for another can preserve exactly the same value, for something of incomparable worth would be lost (and gained) in such a substitution.

On this Kantian view, our dignity as persons consists in our rational nature: our capacity both to be actuated by reasons that we autonomously provide ourselves in setting our own ends and to respond appropriately to the intrinsic values we discover in the world. Consequently, one important way in which we exercise our rational natures is to respond with respect to the dignity of other persons (a dignity that consists in part in their capacity for respect): respect just is the required minimal response to the dignity of persons. What makes a response to a person be that of respect, Velleman claims, still following Kant, is that it “arrests our self-love” and thereby prevents us from treating him as a means to our ends (p. 360).

Given this, Velleman claims that love is similarly a response to the dignity of persons, and as such it is the dignity of the object of our love that justifies that love. However, love and respect are different kinds of responses to the same value. For love arrests not our self-love but rather

our tendencies toward emotional self-protection from another person, tendencies to draw ourselves in and close ourselves off from being affected by him. Love disarms our emotional defenses; it makes us vulnerable to the other. [1999, p. 361]

This means that the concern, attraction, sympathy, etc. that we normally associate with love are not constituents of love but are rather its normal effects, and love can remain without them (as in the case of the love for a meddlesome relative one cannot stand being around). Moreover, this provides Velleman with a clear account of the intuitive “depth” of love: it is essentially a response to persons as such, and to say that you love your dog is therefore to be confused.

Of course, we do not respond with love to the dignity of every person we meet, nor are we somehow required to: love, as the disarming of our emotional defenses in a way that makes us especially vulnerable to another, is the optional maximal response to others’ dignity. What, then, explains the selectivity of love—why I love some people and not others? The answer lies in the contingent fit between the way some people behaviorally express their dignity as persons and the way I happen to respond to those expressions by becoming emotionally vulnerable to them. The right sort of fit makes someone “lovable” by me (1999, p. 372), and my responding with love in these cases is a matter of my “really seeing” this person in a way that I fail to do with others who do not fit with me in this way. By ‘lovable’ here Velleman seems to mean able to be loved, not worthy of being loved, for nothing Velleman says here speaks to a question about the justification of my loving this person rather than that. Rather, what he offers is an explanation of the selectivity of my love, an explanation that as a matter of fact makes my response be that of love rather than mere respect.

This understanding of the selectivity of love as something that can be explained but not justified is potentially troubling. For we ordinarily think we can justify not only my loving you rather than someone else but also and more importantly the constancy of my love: my continuing to love you even as you change in certain fundamental ways (but not others). As Delaney (1996, p. 347) puts the worry about constancy:

while you seem to want it to be true that, were you to become a schmuck, your lover would continue to love you,…you also want it to be the case that your lover would never love a schmuck.

The issue here is not merely that we can offer explanations of the selectivity of my love, of why I do not love schmucks; rather, at issue is the discernment of love, of loving and continuing to love for good reasons as well as of ceasing to love for good reasons. To have these good reasons seems to involve attributing different values to you now rather than formerly or rather than to someone else, yet this is precisely what Velleman denies is the case in making the distinction between love and respect the way he does.

It is also questionable whether Velleman can even explain the selectivity of love in terms of the “fit” between your expressions and my sensitivities. For the relevant sensitivities on my part are emotional sensitivities: the lowering of my emotional defenses and so becoming emotionally vulnerable to you. Thus, I become vulnerable to the harms (or goods) that befall you and so sympathetically feel your pain (or joy). Such emotions are themselves assessable for warrant, and now we can ask why my disappointment that you lost the race is warranted, but my being disappointed that a mere stranger lost would not be warranted. The intuitive answer is that I love you but not him. However, this answer is unavailable to Velleman, because he thinks that what makes my response to your dignity that of love rather than respect is precisely that I feel such emotions, and to appeal to my love in explaining the emotions therefore seems viciously circular.

Although these problems are specific to Velleman’s account, the difficulty can be generalized to any appraisal account of love (such as that offered in Kolodny 2003). For if love is an appraisal, it needs to be distinguished from other forms of appraisal, including our evaluative judgments. On the one hand, to try to distinguish love as an appraisal from other appraisals in terms of love’s having certain effects on our emotional and motivational life (as on Velleman’s account) is unsatisfying because it ignores part of what needs to be explained: why the appraisal of love has these effects and yet judgments with the same evaluative content do not. Indeed, this question is crucial if we are to understand the intuitive “depth” of love, for without an answer to this question we do not understand why love should have the kind of centrality in our lives it manifestly does. [ 9 ] On the other hand, to bundle this emotional component into the appraisal itself would be to turn the view into either the robust concern view ( Section 3 ) or a variant of the emotion view ( Section 5.1 ).

In contrast to Velleman, Singer (1991, 1994, 2009) understands love to be fundamentally a matter of bestowing value on the beloved. To bestow value on another is to project a kind of intrinsic value onto him. Indeed, this fact about love is supposed to distinguish love from liking: “Love is an attitude with no clear objective,” whereas liking is inherently teleological (1991, p. 272). As such, there are no standards of correctness for bestowing such value, and this is how love differs from other personal attitudes like gratitude, generosity, and condescension: “love…confers importance no matter what the object is worth” (p. 273). Consequently, Singer thinks, love is not an attitude that can be justified in any way.

What is it, exactly, to bestow this kind of value on someone? It is, Singer says, a kind of attachment and commitment to the beloved, in which one comes to treat him as an end in himself and so to respond to his ends, interests, concerns, etc. as having value for their own sake. This means in part that the bestowal of value reveals itself “by caring about the needs and interests of the beloved, by wishing to benefit or protect her, by delighting in her achievements,” etc. (p. 270). This sounds very much like the robust concern view, yet the bestowal view differs in understanding such robust concern to be the effect of the bestowal of value that is love rather than itself what constitutes love: in bestowing value on my beloved, I make him be valuable in such a way that I ought to respond with robust concern.

For it to be intelligible that I have bestowed value on someone, I must therefore respond appropriately to him as valuable, and this requires having some sense of what his well-being is and of what affects that well-being positively or negatively. Yet having this sense requires in turn knowing what his strengths and deficiencies are, and this is a matter of appraising him in various ways. Bestowal thus presupposes a kind of appraisal, as a way of “really seeing” the beloved and attending to him. Nonetheless, Singer claims, it is the bestowal that is primary for understanding what love consists in: the appraisal is required only so that the commitment to one’s beloved and his value as thus bestowed has practical import and is not “a blind submission to some unknown being” (1991, p. 272; see also Singer 1994, pp. 139ff).

Singer is walking a tightrope in trying to make room for appraisal in his account of love. Insofar as the account is fundamentally a bestowal account, Singer claims that love cannot be justified, that we bestow the relevant kind of value “gratuitously.” This suggests that love is blind, that it does not matter what our beloved is like, which seems patently false. Singer tries to avoid this conclusion by appealing to the role of appraisal: it is only because we appraise another as having certain virtues and vices that we come to bestow value on him. Yet the “because” here, since it cannot justify the bestowal, is at best a kind of contingent causal explanation. [ 10 ] In this respect, Singer’s account of the selectivity of love is much the same as Velleman’s, and it is liable to the same criticism: it makes unintelligible the way in which our love can be discerning for better or worse reasons. Indeed, this failure to make sense of the idea that love can be justified is a problem for any bestowal view. For either (a) a bestowal itself cannot be justified (as on Singer’s account), in which case the justification of love is impossible, or (b) a bestowal can be justified, in which case it is hard to make sense of value as being bestowed rather than there antecedently in the object as the grounds of that “bestowal.”

More generally, a proponent of the bestowal view needs to be much clearer than Singer is in articulating precisely what a bestowal is. What is the value that I create in a bestowal, and how can my bestowal create it? On a crude Humean view, the answer might be that the value is something projected onto the world through my pro-attitudes, like desire. Yet such a view would be inadequate, since the projected value, being relative to a particular individual, would do no theoretical work, and the account would essentially be a variant of the robust concern view. Moreover, in providing a bestowal account of love, care is needed to distinguish love from other personal attitudes such as admiration and respect: do these other attitudes involve bestowal? If so, how does the bestowal in these cases differ from the bestowal of love? If not, why not, and what is so special about love that requires a fundamentally different evaluative attitude than admiration and respect?

Nonetheless, there is a kernel of truth in the bestowal view: there is surely something right about the idea that love is creative and not merely a response to antecedent value, and accounts of love that understand the kind of evaluation implicit in love merely in terms of appraisal seem to be missing something. Precisely what may be missed will be discussed below in Section 6 .

Perhaps there is room for an understanding of love and its relation to value that is intermediate between appraisal and bestowal accounts. After all, if we think of appraisal as something like perception, a matter of responding to what is out there in the world, and of bestowal as something like action, a matter of doing something and creating something, we should recognize that the responsiveness central to appraisal may itself depend on our active, creative choices. Thus, just as we must recognize that ordinary perception depends on our actively directing our attention and deploying concepts, interpretations, and even arguments in order to perceive things accurately, so too we might think our vision of our beloved’s valuable properties that is love also depends on our actively attending to and interpreting him. Something like this is Jollimore’s view (2011). According to Jollimore, in loving someone we actively attend to his valuable properties in a way that we take to provide us with reasons to treat him preferentially. Although we may acknowledge that others might have such properties even to a greater degree than our beloved does, we do not attend to and appreciate such properties in others in the same way we do those in our beloveds; indeed, we find our appreciation of our beloved’s valuable properties to “silence” our similar appreciation of those in others. (In this way, Jollimore thinks, we can solve the problem of fungibility, discussed below in Section 6 .) Likewise, in perceiving our beloved’s actions and character, we do so through the lens of such an appreciation, which will tend as to “silence” interpretations inconsistent with that appreciation. In this way, love involves finding one’s beloved to be valuable in a way that involves elements of both appraisal (insofar as one must thereby be responsive to valuable properties one’s beloved really has) and bestowal (insofar as through one’s attention and committed appreciation of these properties they come to have special significance for one).

One might object that this conception of love as silencing the special value of others or to negative interpretations of our beloveds is irrational in a way that love is not. For, it might seem, such “silencing” is merely a matter of our blinding ourselves to how things really are. Yet Jollimore claims that this sense in which love is blind is not objectionable, for (a) we can still intellectually recognize the things that love’s vision silences, and (b) there really is no impartial perspective we can take on the values things have, and love is one appropriate sort of partial perspective from which the value of persons can be manifest. Nonetheless, one might wonder about whether that perspective of love itself can be distorted and what the norms are in terms of which such distortions are intelligible. Furthermore, it may seem that Jollimore’s attempt to reconcile appraisal and bestowal fails to appreciate the underlying metaphysical difficulty: appraisal is a response to value that is antecedently there, whereas bestowal is the creation of value that was not antecedently there. Consequently, it might seem, appraisal and bestowal are mutually exclusive and cannot be reconciled in the way Jollimore hopes.

Whereas Jollimore tries to combine separate elements of appraisal and of bestowal in a single account, Helm (2010) and Bagley (2015) offer accounts that reject the metaphysical presupposition that values must be either prior to love (as with appraisal) or posterior to love (as with bestowal), instead understanding the love and the values to emerge simultaneously. Thus, Helm presents a detailed account of valuing in terms of the emotions, arguing that while we can understand individual emotions as appraisals , responding to values already their in their objects, these values are bestowed on those objects via broad, holistic patterns of emotions. How this amounts to an account of love will be discussed in Section 5.2 , below. Bagley (2015) instead appeals to a metaphor of improvisation, arguing that just as jazz musicians jointly make determinate the content of their musical ideas through on-going processes of their expression, so too lovers jointly engage in “deep improvisation”, thereby working out of their values and identities through the on-going process of living their lives together. These values are thus something the lovers jointly construct through the process of recognizing and responding to those very values. To love someone is thus to engage with them as partners in such “deep improvisation”. (This account is similar to Helm (2008, 2010)’s account of plural agency, which he uses to provide an account of friendship and other loving relationships; see the discussion of shared activity in the entry on friendship .)

5. Emotion Views

Given these problems with the accounts of love as valuing, perhaps we should turn to the emotions. For emotions just are responses to objects that combine evaluation, motivation, and a kind of phenomenology, all central features of the attitude of love.

Many accounts of love claim that it is an emotion; these include: Wollheim 1984, Rorty 1986/1993, Brown 1987, Hamlyn 1989, Baier 1991, and Badhwar 2003. [ 11 ] Thus, Hamlyn (1989, p. 219) says:

It would not be a plausible move to defend any theory of the emotions to which love and hate seemed exceptions by saying that love and hate are after all not emotions. I have heard this said, but it does seem to me a desperate move to make. If love and hate are not emotions what is?

The difficulty with this claim, as Rorty (1980) argues, is that the word, ‘emotion,’ does not seem to pick out a homogeneous collection of mental states, and so various theories claiming that love is an emotion mean very different things. Consequently, what are here labeled “emotion views” are divided into those that understand love to be a particular kind of evaluative-cum-motivational response to an object, whether that response is merely occurrent or dispositional (‘emotions proper,’ see Section 5.1 , below), and those that understand love to involve a collection of related and interconnected emotions proper (‘emotion complexes,’ see Section 5.2 , below).

An emotion proper is a kind of “evaluative-cum-motivational response to an object”; what does this mean? Emotions are generally understood to have several objects. The target of an emotion is that at which the emotion is directed: if I am afraid or angry at you, then you are the target. In responding to you with fear or anger, I am implicitly evaluating you in a particular way, and this evaluation—called the formal object —is the kind of evaluation of the target that is distinctive of a particular emotion type. Thus, in fearing you, I implicitly evaluate you as somehow dangerous, whereas in being angry at you I implicitly evaluate you as somehow offensive. Yet emotions are not merely evaluations of their targets; they in part motivate us to behave in certain ways, both rationally (by motivating action to avoid the danger) and arationally (via certain characteristic expressions, such as slamming a door out of anger). Moreover, emotions are generally understood to involve a phenomenological component, though just how to understand the characteristic “feel” of an emotion and its relation to the evaluation and motivation is hotly disputed. Finally, emotions are typically understood to be passions: responses that we feel imposed on us as if from the outside, rather than anything we actively do. (For more on the philosophy of emotions, see entry on emotion .)

What then are we saying when we say that love is an emotion proper? According to Brown (1987, p. 14), emotions as occurrent mental states are “abnormal bodily changes caused by the agent’s evaluation or appraisal of some object or situation that the agent believes to be of concern to him or her.” He spells this out by saying that in love, we “cherish” the person for having “a particular complex of instantiated qualities” that is “open-ended” so that we can continue to love the person even as she changes over time (pp. 106–7). These qualities, which include historical and relational qualities, are evaluated in love as worthwhile. [ 12 ] All of this seems aimed at spelling out what love’s formal object is, a task that is fundamental to understanding love as an emotion proper. Thus, Brown seems to say that love’s formal object is just being worthwhile (or, given his examples, perhaps: worthwhile as a person), and he resists being any more specific than this in order to preserve the open-endedness of love. Hamlyn (1989) offers a similar account, saying (p. 228):

With love the difficulty is to find anything of this kind [i.e., a formal object] which is uniquely appropriate to love. My thesis is that there is nothing of this kind that must be so, and that this differentiates it and hate from the other emotions.

Hamlyn goes on to suggest that love and hate might be primordial emotions, a kind of positive or negative “feeling towards,” presupposed by all other emotions. [ 13 ]

The trouble with these accounts of love as an emotion proper is that they provide too thin a conception of love. In Hamlyn’s case, love is conceived as a fairly generic pro-attitude, rather than as the specific kind of distinctively personal attitude discussed here. In Brown’s case, spelling out the formal object of love as simply being worthwhile (as a person) fails to distinguish love from other evaluative responses like admiration and respect. Part of the problem seems to be the rather simple account of what an emotion is that Brown and Hamlyn use as their starting point: if love is an emotion, then the understanding of what an emotion is must be enriched considerably to accommodate love. Yet it is not at all clear whether the idea of an “emotion proper” can be adequately enriched so as to do so. As Pismenny & Prinz (2017) point out, love seems to be too varied both in its ground and in the sort of experience it involves to be capturable by a single emotion.

The emotion complex view, which understands love to be a complex emotional attitude towards another person, may initially seem to hold out great promise to overcome the problems of alternative types of views. By articulating the emotional interconnections between persons, it could offer a satisfying account of the “depth” of love without the excesses of the union view and without the overly narrow teleological focus of the robust concern view; and because these emotional interconnections are themselves evaluations, it could offer an understanding of love as simultaneously evaluative, without needing to specify a single formal object of love. However, the devil is in the details.

Rorty (1986/1993) does not try to present a complete account of love; rather, she focuses on the idea that “relational psychological attitudes” which, like love, essentially involve emotional and desiderative responses, exhibit historicity : “they arise from, and are shaped by, dynamic interactions between a subject and an object” (p. 73). In part this means that what makes an attitude be one of love is not the presence of a state that we can point to at a particular time within the lover; rather, love is to be “identified by a characteristic narrative history” (p. 75). Moreover, Rorty argues, the historicity of love involves the lover’s being permanently transformed by loving who he does.

Baier (1991), seeming to pick up on this understanding of love as exhibiting historicity, says (p. 444):

Love is not just an emotion people feel toward other people, but also a complex tying together of the emotions that two or a few more people have; it is a special form of emotional interdependence.

To a certain extent, such emotional interdependence involves feeling sympathetic emotions, so that, for example, I feel disappointed and frustrated on behalf of my beloved when she fails, and joyful when she succeeds. However, Baier insists, love is “more than just the duplication of the emotion of each in a sympathetic echo in the other” (p. 442); the emotional interdependence of the lovers involves also appropriate follow-up responses to the emotional predicaments of your beloved. Two examples Baier gives (pp. 443–44) are a feeling of “mischievous delight” at your beloved’s temporary bafflement, and amusement at her embarrassment. The idea is that in a loving relationship your beloved gives you permission to feel such emotions when no one else is permitted to do so, and a condition of her granting you that permission is that you feel these emotions “tenderly.” Moreover, you ought to respond emotionally to your beloved’s emotional responses to you: by feeling hurt when she is indifferent to you, for example. All of these foster the sort of emotional interdependence Baier is after—a kind of intimacy you have with your beloved.

Badhwar (2003, p. 46) similarly understands love to be a matter of “one’s overall emotional orientation towards a person—the complex of perceptions, thoughts, and feelings”; as such, love is a matter of having a certain “character structure.” Central to this complex emotional orientation, Badhwar thinks, is what she calls the “look of love”: “an ongoing [emotional] affirmation of the loved object as worthy of existence…for her own sake” (p. 44), an affirmation that involves taking pleasure in your beloved’s well-being. Moreover, Badhwar claims, the look of love also provides to the beloved reliable testimony concerning the quality of the beloved’s character and actions (p. 57).

There is surely something very right about the idea that love, as an attitude central to deeply personal relationships, should not be understood as a state that can simply come and go. Rather, as the emotion complex view insists, the complexity of love is to be found in the historical patterns of one’s emotional responsiveness to one’s beloved—a pattern that also projects into the future. Indeed, as suggested above, the kind of emotional interdependence that results from this complex pattern can seem to account for the intuitive “depth” of love as fully interwoven into one’s emotional sense of oneself. And it seems to make some headway in understanding the complex phenomenology of love: love can at times be a matter of intense pleasure in the presence of one’s beloved, yet it can at other times involve frustration, exasperation, anger, and hurt as a manifestation of the complexities and depth of the relationships it fosters.

This understanding of love as constituted by a history of emotional interdependence enables emotion complex views to say something interesting about the impact love has on the lover’s identity. This is partly Rorty’s point (1986/1993) in her discussion of the historicity of love ( above ). Thus, she argues, one important feature of such historicity is that love is “ dynamically permeable ” in that the lover is continually “changed by loving” such that these changes “tend to ramify through a person’s character” (p. 77). Through such dynamic permeability, love transforms the identity of the lover in a way that can sometimes foster the continuity of the love, as each lover continually changes in response to the changes in the other. [ 14 ] Indeed, Rorty concludes, love should be understood in terms of “a characteristic narrative history” (p. 75) that results from such dynamic permeability. It should be clear, however, that the mere fact of dynamic permeability need not result in the love’s continuing: nothing about the dynamics of a relationship requires that the characteristic narrative history project into the future, and such permeability can therefore lead to the dissolution of the love. Love is therefore risky—indeed, all the more risky because of the way the identity of the lover is defined in part through the love. The loss of a love can therefore make one feel no longer oneself in ways poignantly described by Nussbaum (1990).

By focusing on such emotionally complex histories, emotion complex views differ from most alternative accounts of love. For alternative accounts tend to view love as a kind of attitude we take toward our beloveds, something we can analyze simply in terms of our mental state at the moment. [ 15 ] By ignoring this historical dimension of love in providing an account of what love is, alternative accounts have a hard time providing either satisfying accounts of the sense in which our identities as person are at stake in loving another or satisfactory solutions to problems concerning how love is to be justified (cf. Section 6 , especially the discussion of fungibility ).

Nonetheless, some questions remain. If love is to be understood as an emotion complex, we need a much more explicit account of the pattern at issue here: what ties all of these emotional responses together into a single thing, namely love? Baier and Badhwar seem content to provide interesting and insightful examples of this pattern, but that does not seem to be enough. For example, what connects my amusement at my beloved’s embarrassment to other emotions like my joy on his behalf when he succeeds? Why shouldn’t my amusement at his embarrassment be understood instead as a somewhat cruel case of schadenfreude and so as antithetical to, and disconnected from, love? Moreover, as Naar (2013) notes, we need a principled account of when such historical patterns are disrupted in such a way as to end the love and when they are not. Do I stop loving when, in the midst of clinical depression, I lose my normal pattern of emotional concern?

Presumably the answer requires returning to the historicity of love: it all depends on the historical details of the relationship my beloved and I have forged. Some loves develop so that the intimacy within the relationship is such as to allow for tender, teasing responses to each other, whereas other loves may not. The historical details, together with the lovers’ understanding of their relationship, presumably determine which emotional responses belong to the pattern constitutive of love and which do not. However, this answer so far is inadequate: not just any historical relationship involving emotional interdependence is a loving relationship, and we need a principled way of distinguishing loving relationships from other relational evaluative attitudes: precisely what is the characteristic narrative history that is characteristic of love?

Helm (2009, 2010) tries to answer some of these questions in presenting an account of love as intimate identification. To love another, Helm claims, is to care about him as the particular person he is and so, other things being equal, to value the things he values. Insofar as a person’s (structured) set of values—his sense of the kind of life worth his living—constitutes his identity as a person, such sharing of values amounts to sharing his identity, which sounds very much like union accounts of love. However, Helm is careful to understand such sharing of values as for the sake of the beloved (as robust concern accounts insist), and he spells this all out in terms of patterns of emotions. Thus, Helm claims, all emotions have not only a target and a formal object (as indicated above), but also a focus : a background object the subject cares about in terms of which the implicit evaluation of the target is made intelligible. (For example, if I am afraid of the approaching hailstorm, I thereby evaluate it as dangerous, and what explains this evaluation is the way that hailstorm bears on my vegetable garden, which I care about; my garden, therefore, is the focus of my fear.) Moreover, emotions normally come in patterns with a common focus: fearing the hailstorm is normally connected to other emotions as being relieved when it passes by harmlessly (or disappointed or sad when it does not), being angry at the rabbits for killing the spinach, delighted at the productivity of the tomato plants, etc. Helm argues that a projectible pattern of such emotions with a common focus constitute caring about that focus. Consequently, we might say along the lines of Section 4.3 , while particular emotions appraise events in the world as having certain evaluative properties, their having these properties is partly bestowed on them by the overall patterns of emotions.

Helm identifies some emotions as person-focused emotions : emotions like pride and shame that essentially take persons as their focuses, for these emotions implicitly evaluate in terms of the target’s bearing on the quality of life of the person that is their focus. To exhibit a pattern of such emotions focused on oneself and subfocused on being a mother, for example, is to care about the place being a mother has in the kind of life you find worth living—in your identity as a person; to care in this way is to value being a mother as a part of your concern for your own identity. Likewise, to exhibit a projectible pattern of such emotions focused on someone else and subfocused on his being a father is to value this as a part of your concern for his identity—to value it for his sake. Such sharing of another’s values for his sake, which, Helm argues, essentially involves trust, respect, and affection, amounts to intimate identification with him, and such intimate identification just is love. Thus, Helm tries to provide an account of love that is grounded in an explicit account of caring (and caring about something for the sake of someone else) that makes room for the intuitive “depth” of love through intimate identification.

Jaworska & Wonderly (2017) argue that Helm’s construal of intimacy as intimate identification is too demanding. Rather, they argue, the sort of intimacy that distinguishes love from mere caring is one that involves a kind of emotional vulnerability in which things going well or poorly for one’s beloved are directly connected not merely to one’s well-being, but to one’s ability to flourish. This connection, they argue, runs through the lover’s self-understanding and the place the beloved has in the lover’s sense of a meaningful life.

Why do we love? It has been suggested above that any account of love needs to be able to answer some such justificatory question. Although the issue of the justification of love is important on its own, it is also important for the implications it has for understanding more clearly the precise object of love: how can we make sense of the intuitions not only that we love the individuals themselves rather than their properties, but also that my beloved is not fungible—that no one could simply take her place without loss. Different theories approach these questions in different ways, but, as will become clear below, the question of justification is primary.

One way to understand the question of why we love is as asking for what the value of love is: what do we get out of it? One kind of answer, which has its roots in Aristotle, is that having loving relationships promotes self-knowledge insofar as your beloved acts as a kind of mirror, reflecting your character back to you (Badhwar, 2003, p. 58). Of course, this answer presupposes that we cannot accurately know ourselves in other ways: that left alone, our sense of ourselves will be too imperfect, too biased, to help us grow and mature as persons. The metaphor of a mirror also suggests that our beloveds will be in the relevant respects similar to us, so that merely by observing them, we can come to know ourselves better in a way that is, if not free from bias, at least more objective than otherwise.

Brink (1999, pp. 264–65) argues that there are serious limits to the value of such mirroring of one’s self in a beloved. For if the aim is not just to know yourself better but to improve yourself, you ought also to interact with others who are not just like yourself: interacting with such diverse others can help you recognize alternative possibilities for how to live and so better assess the relative merits of these possibilities. Whiting (2013) also emphasizes the importance of our beloveds’ having an independent voice capable of reflecting not who one now is but an ideal for who one is to be. Nonetheless, we need not take the metaphor of the mirror quite so literally; rather, our beloveds can reflect our selves not through their inherent similarity to us but rather through the interpretations they offer of us, both explicitly and implicitly in their responses to us. This is what Badhwar calls the “epistemic significance” of love. [ 16 ]

In addition to this epistemic significance of love, LaFollette (1996, Chapter 5) offers several other reasons why it is good to love, reasons derived in part from the psychological literature on love: love increases our sense of well-being, it elevates our sense of self-worth, and it serves to develop our character. It also, we might add, tends to lower stress and blood pressure and to increase health and longevity. Friedman (1993) argues that the kind of partiality towards our beloveds that love involves is itself morally valuable because it supports relationships—loving relationships—that contribute “to human well-being, integrity, and fulfillment in life” (p. 61). And Solomon (1988, p. 155) claims:

Ultimately, there is only one reason for love. That one grand reason…is “because we bring out the best in each other.” What counts as “the best,” of course, is subject to much individual variation.

This is because, Solomon suggests, in loving someone, I want myself to be better so as to be worthy of his love for me.

Each of these answers to the question of why we love understands it to be asking about love quite generally, abstracted away from details of particular relationships. It is also possible to understand the question as asking about particular loves. Here, there are several questions that are relevant:

• What, if anything, justifies my loving rather than not loving this particular person?
• What, if anything, justifies my coming to love this particular person rather than someone else?
• What, if anything, justifies my continuing to love this particular person given the changes—both in him and me and in the overall circumstances—that have occurred since I began loving him?

These are importantly different questions. Velleman (1999), for example, thinks we can answer (1) by appealing to the fact that my beloved is a person and so has a rational nature, yet he thinks (2) and (3) have no answers: the best we can do is offer causal explanations for our loving particular people, a position echoed by Han (2021). Setiya (2014) similarly thinks (1) has an answer, but points not to the rational nature of persons but rather to the other’s humanity , where such humanity differs from personhood in that not all humans need have the requisite rational nature for personhood, and not all persons need be humans. And, as will become clear below , the distinction between (2) and (3) will become important in resolving puzzles concerning whether our beloveds are fungible, though it should be clear that (3) potentially raises questions concerning personal identity (which will not be addressed here).

It is important not to misconstrue these justificatory questions. Thomas (1991) , for example, rejects the idea that love can be justified: “there are no rational considerations whereby anyone can lay claim to another’s love or insist that an individual’s love for another is irrational” (p. 474). This is because, Thomas claims (p. 471):

no matter how wonderful and lovely an individual might be, on any and all accounts, it is simply false that a romantically unencumbered person must love that individual on pain of being irrational. Or, there is no irrationality involved in ceasing to love a person whom one once loved immensely, although the person has not changed.

However, as LaFollette (1996, p. 63) correctly points out,

reason is not some external power which dictates how we should behave, but an internal power, integral to who we are.… Reason does not command that we love anyone. Nonetheless, reason is vital in determining whom we love and why we love them.

That is, reasons for love are pro tanto : they are a part of the overall reasons we have for acting, and it is up to us in exercising our capacity for agency to decide what on balance we have reason to do or even whether we shall act contrary to our reasons. To construe the notion of a reason for love as compelling us to love, as Thomas does, is to misconstrue the place such reasons have within our agency. [ 17 ]

Most philosophical discussions of the justification of love focus on question (1) , thinking that answering this question will also, to the extent that we can, answer question (2) , which is typically not distinguished from (3) . The answers given to these questions vary in a way that turns on how the kind of evaluation implicit in love is construed. On the one hand, those who understand the evaluation implicit in love to be a matter of the bestowal of value (such as Telfer 1970–71; Friedman 1993; Singer 1994) typically claim that no justification can be given (cf. Section 4.2 ). As indicated above, this seems problematic, especially given the importance love can have both in our lives and, especially, in shaping our identities as persons. To reject the idea that we can love for reasons may reduce the impact our agency can have in defining who we are.

On the other hand, those who understand the evaluation implicit in love to be a matter of appraisal tend to answer the justificatory question by appeal to these valuable properties of the beloved. This acceptance of the idea that love can be justified leads to two further, related worries about the object of love.

The first worry is raised by Vlastos (1981) in a discussion Plato’s and Aristotle’s accounts of love. Vlastos notes that these accounts focus on the properties of our beloveds: we are to love people, they say, only because and insofar as they are objectifications of the excellences. Consequently, he argues, in doing so they fail to distinguish “ disinterested affection for the person we love” from “ appreciation of the excellences instantiated by that person ” (p. 33). That is, Vlastos thinks that Plato and Aristotle provide an account of love that is really a love of properties rather than a love of persons—love of a type of person, rather than love of a particular person—thereby losing what is distinctive about love as an essentially personal attitude. This worry about Plato and Aristotle might seem to apply just as well to other accounts that justify love in terms of the properties of the person: insofar as we love the person for the sake of her properties, it might seem that what we love is those properties and not the person. Here it is surely insufficient to say, as Solomon (1988, p. 154) does, “if love has its reasons, then it is not the whole person that one loves but certain aspects of that person—though the rest of the person comes along too, of course”: that final tagline fails to address the central difficulty about what the object of love is and so about love as a distinctly personal attitude. (Clausen 2019 might seem to address this worry by arguing that we love people not as having certain properties but rather as having “ organic unities ”: a holistic set of properties the value of each of which must be understood in essential part in terms of its place within that whole. Nonetheless, while this is an interesting and plausible way to think about the value of the properties of persons, that organic unity itself will be a (holistic) property held by the person, and it seems that the fundamental problem reemerges at the level of this holistic property: do we love the holistic unity rather than the person?)

The second worry concerns the fungibility of the object of love. To be fungible is to be replaceable by another relevantly similar object without any loss of value. Thus, money is fungible: I can give you two $5 bills in exchange for a $10 bill, and neither of us has lost anything. Is the object of love fungible? That is, can I simply switch from loving one person to loving another relevantly similar person without any loss? The worry about fungibility is commonly put this way: if we accept that love can be justified by appealing to properties of the beloved, then it may seem that in loving someone for certain reasons, I love him not simply as the individual he is, but as instantiating those properties. And this may imply that any other person instantiating those same properties would do just as well: my beloved would be fungible. Indeed, it may be that another person exhibits the properties that ground my love to a greater degree than my current beloved does, and so it may seem that in such a case I have reason to “trade up”—to switch my love to the new, better person. However, it seems clear that the objects of our loves are not fungible: love seems to involve a deeply personal commitment to a particular person, a commitment that is antithetical to the idea that our beloveds are fungible or to the idea that we ought to be willing to trade up when possible. [ 18 ]

In responding to these worries, Nozick (1989) appeals to the union view of love he endorses (see the section on Love as Union ):

The intention in love is to form a we and to identify with it as an extended self, to identify one’s fortunes in large part with its fortunes. A willingness to trade up, to destroy the very we you largely identify with, would then be a willingness to destroy your self in the form of your own extended self. [p. 78]

So it is because love involves forming a “we” that we must understand other persons and not properties to be the objects of love, and it is because my very identity as a person depends essentially on that “we” that it is not possible to substitute without loss one object of my love for another. However, Badhwar (2003) criticizes Nozick, saying that his response implies that once I love someone, I cannot abandon that love no matter who that person becomes; this, she says, “cannot be understood as love at all rather than addiction” (p. 61). [ 19 ]

Instead, Badhwar (1987) turns to her robust-concern account of love as a concern for the beloved for his sake rather than one’s own. Insofar as my love is disinterested — not a means to antecedent ends of my own—it would be senseless to think that my beloved could be replaced by someone who is able to satisfy my ends equally well or better. Consequently, my beloved is in this way irreplaceable. However, this is only a partial response to the worry about fungibility, as Badhwar herself seems to acknowledge. For the concern over fungibility arises not merely for those cases in which we think of love as justified instrumentally, but also for those cases in which the love is justified by the intrinsic value of the properties of my beloved. Confronted with cases like this, Badhwar (2003) concludes that the object of love is fungible after all (though she insists that it is very unlikely in practice). (Soble (1990, Chapter 13) draws similar conclusions.)

Nonetheless, Badhwar thinks that the object of love is “phenomenologically non-fungible” (2003, p. 63; see also 1987, p. 14). By this she means that we experience our beloveds to be irreplaceable: “loving and delighting in [one person] are not completely commensurate with loving and delighting in another” (1987, p. 14). Love can be such that we sometimes desire to be with this particular person whom we love, not another whom we also love, for our loves are qualitatively different. But why is this? It seems as though the typical reason I now want to spend time with Amy rather than Bob is, for example, that Amy is funny but Bob is not. I love Amy in part for her humor, and I love Bob for other reasons, and these qualitative differences between them is what makes them not fungible. However, this reply does not address the worry about the possibility of trading up: if Bob were to be at least as funny (charming, kind, etc.) as Amy, why shouldn’t I dump her and spend all my time with him?

A somewhat different approach is taken by Whiting (1991). In response to the first worry concerning the object of love, Whiting argues that Vlastos offers a false dichotomy: having affection for someone that is disinterested —for her sake rather than my own—essentially involves an appreciation of her excellences as such. Indeed, Whiting says, my appreciation of these as excellences, and so the underlying commitment I have to their value, just is a disinterested commitment to her because these excellences constitute her identity as the person she is. The person, therefore, really is the object of love. Delaney (1996) takes the complementary tack of distinguishing between the object of one’s love, which of course is the person, and the grounds of the love, which are her properties: to say, as Solomon does, that we love someone for reasons is not at all to say that we only love certain aspects of the person. In these terms, we might say that Whiting’s rejection of Vlastos’ dichotomy can be read as saying that what makes my attitude be one of disinterested affection—one of love—for the person is precisely that I am thereby responding to her excellences as the reasons for that affection. [ 20 ]

Of course, more needs to be said about what it is that makes a particular person be the object of love. Implicit in Whiting’s account is an understanding of the way in which the object of my love is determined in part by the history of interactions I have with her: it is she, and not merely her properties (which might be instantiated in many different people), that I want to be with; it is she, and not merely her properties, on whose behalf I am concerned when she suffers and whom I seek to comfort; etc. This addresses the first worry, but not the second worry about fungibility, for the question still remains whether she is the object of my love only as instantiating certain properties, and so whether or not I have reason to “trade up.”

To respond to the fungibility worry, Whiting and Delaney appeal explicitly to the historical relationship. [ 21 ] Thus, Whiting claims, although there may be a relatively large pool of people who have the kind of excellences of character that would justify my loving them, and so although there can be no answer to question (2) about why I come to love this rather than that person within this pool, once I have come to love this person and so have developed a historical relation with her, this history of concern justifies my continuing to love this person rather than someone else (1991, p. 7). Similarly, Delaney claims that love is grounded in “historical-relational properties” (1996, p. 346), so that I have reasons for continuing to love this person rather than switching allegiances and loving someone else. In each case, the appeal to both such historical relations and the excellences of character of my beloved is intended to provide an answer to question (3) , and this explains why the objects of love are not fungible.

There seems to be something very much right with this response. Relationships grounded in love are essentially personal, and it would be odd to think of what justifies that love to be merely non-relational properties of the beloved. Nonetheless, it is still unclear how the historical-relational propreties can provide any additional justification for subsequent concern beyond that which is already provided (as an answer to question (1) ) by appeal to the excellences of the beloved’s character (cf. Brink 1999). The mere fact that I have loved someone in the past does not seem to justify my continuing to love him in the future. When we imagine that he is going through a rough time and begins to lose the virtues justifying my initial love for him, why shouldn’t I dump him and instead come to love someone new having all of those virtues more fully? Intuitively (unless the change she undergoes makes her in some important sense no longer the same person he was), we think I should not dump him, but the appeal to the mere fact that I loved him in the past is surely not enough. Yet what historical-relational properties could do the trick? (For an interesting attempt at an answer, see Kolodny 2003 and also Howard 2019.)

If we think that love can be justified, then it may seem that the appeal to particular historical facts about a loving relationship to justify that love is inadequate, for such idiosyncratic and subjective properties might explain but cannot justify love. Rather, it may seem, justification in general requires appealing to universal, objective properties. But such properties are ones that others might share, which leads to the problem of fungibility. Consequently it may seem that love cannot be justified. In the face of this predicament, accounts of love that understand love to be an attitude towards value that is intermediate between appraisal and bestowal, between recognizing already existing value and creating that value (see Section 4.3 ) might seem to offer a way out. For once we reject the thought that the value of our beloveds must be either the precondition or the consequence of our love, we have room to acknowledge that the deeply personal, historically grounded, creative nature of love (central to bestowal accounts) and the understanding of love as responsive to valuable properties of the beloved that can justify that love (central to appraisal accounts) are not mutually exclusive (Helm 2010; Bagley 2015).

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• Willigenburg, T. Van, 2005, “Reason and Love: A Non-Reductive Analysis of the Normativity of Agent-Relative Reasons”, Ethical Theory and Moral Practice , 8: 45–62.
• Wollheim, R., 1984, The Thread of Life , Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
• Wonderly, M., 2016, “On Being Attached”, Philosophical Studies , 173: 223–42.
• –––, 2017, “Love and Attachment”, American Philosophical Quarterly , 54: 235–50.

How to cite this entry . Preview the PDF version of this entry at the Friends of the SEP Society . Look up topics and thinkers related to this entry at the Internet Philosophy Ontology Project (InPhO). Enhanced bibliography for this entry at PhilPapers , with links to its database.

• Aristotle , Nicomachean Ethics , translated by W.D. Ross.
• Moseley, A., “ Philosophy of Love ,” in J. Fieser (ed.), Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy

character, moral | emotion | friendship | impartiality | obligations: special | personal identity | Plato: ethics | Plato: rhetoric and poetry | respect | value: intrinsic vs. extrinsic

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Before You Write a Love Essay, Read This to Get Examples

The day will come when you can’t escape the fate of all students: You will have to write a what is love essay.

No worries:

Here you’ll find tons of love essay topics and examples. No time to read everything? Scroll down to get a free PDF with original samples.

Definition: Essay on Love

First, let’s define what is love essay?

The most common topics are:

• Definition of love
• What is love?
• Meaning of love

Why limit yourself to these hackneyed, general themes? Below, I’ll show how to make your paper on love original yet relevant to the prompt you get from teachers.

Love Essay Topics: 20 Ideas to Choose for Your Paper

Your essay on love and relationship doesn’t have to be super official and unemotional. It’s ok to share reflections and personal opinions when writing about romance.

Often, students get a general task to write an essay on love. It means they can choose a theme and a title for their paper. If that’s your case,  feel free to try any of these love essay topics:

• Exploring the impact of love on individuals and relationships.
• Love in the digital age: Navigating romance in a tech world.
• Is there any essence and significance in unconditional love?
• Love as a universal language: Connecting hearts across cultures.
• Biochemistry of love: Exploring the process.
• Love vs. passion vs. obsession.
• How love helps cope with heartbreak and grief.
• The art of loving. How we breed intimacy and trust.
• The science behind attraction and attachment.
• How love and relationships shape our identity and help with self-discovery.
• Love and vulnerability: How to embrace emotional openness.
• Romance is more complex than most think: Passion, intimacy, and commitment explained.
• Love as empathy: Building sympathetic connections in a cruel world.
• Evolution of love. How people described it throughout history.
• The role of love in mental and emotional well-being.
• Love as a tool to look and find purpose in life.
• Welcoming diversity in relations through love and acceptance.
• Love vs. friendship: The intersection of platonic and romantic bonds.
• The choices we make and challenges we overcome for those we love.
• Love and forgiveness: How its power heals wounds and strengthens bonds.

Love Essay Examples: Choose Your Sample for Inspiration

Essays about love are usually standard, 5-paragraph papers students write in college:

• One paragraph is for an introduction, with a hook and a thesis statement
• Three are for a body, with arguments or descriptions
• One last passage is for a conclusion, with a thesis restatement and final thoughts

Below are the ready-made samples to consider. They’ll help you see what an essay about love with an introduction, body, and conclusion looks like.

What is love essay: 250 words

Lao Tzu once said, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” Indeed, love can transform individuals, relationships, and our world.

A word of immense depth and countless interpretations, love has always fascinated philosophers, poets, and ordinary individuals. This  emotion breaks boundaries and has a super power to change lives. But what is love, actually?

It’s a force we feel in countless ways. It is the warm embrace of a parent, filled with care and unwavering support. It is the gentle touch of a lover, sparking a flame that ignites passion and desire. Love is the kind words of a friend, offering solace and understanding in times of need. It is the selfless acts of compassion and empathy that bind humanity together.

Love is not confined to romantic relationships alone. It is found in the family bonds, the connections we forge with friends, and even the compassion we extend to strangers. Love is a thread that weaves through the fabric of our lives, enriching and nourishing our souls.

However, love is not without its complexities. It can be both euphoric and agonizing, uplifting and devastating. Love requires vulnerability, trust, and the willingness to embrace joy and pain. It is a delicate balance between passion and compassion, independence and interdependence.

Finally, the essence of love may be elusive to define with mere words. It is an experience that surpasses language and logic, encompassing a spectrum of emotions and actions. Love is a profound connection that unites us all, reminding us of our shared humanity and the capacity for boundless compassion.

What is love essay: 500 words

A 500-word essay on why I love you

Trying to encapsulate why I love you in a mere 500 words is impossible. My love for you goes beyond the confines of language, transcending words and dwelling in the realm of emotions, connections, and shared experiences. Nevertheless, I shall endeavor to express the depth and breadth of my affection for you.

First and foremost, I love you for who you are. You possess a unique blend of qualities and characteristics that captivate my heart and mind. Your kindness and compassion touch the lives of those around you, and I am grateful to be the recipient of your unwavering care and understanding. Your intelligence and wit constantly challenge me to grow and learn, stimulating my mind and enriching our conversations. You have a beautiful spirit that radiates warmth and joy, and I am drawn to your vibrant energy.

I love the way you make me feel. When I am with you, I feel a sense of comfort and security that allows me to be my true self. Your presence envelops me in a cocoon of love and acceptance, where I can express my thoughts, fears, and dreams without fear of judgment. Your support and encouragement inspire me to pursue my passions and overcome obstacles. With you by my side, I feel empowered to face the world, knowing I have a partner who believes in me.

I love the memories we have created together. From the laughter-filled moments of shared adventures to the quiet and intimate conversations, every memory is etched in my heart. Whether exploring new places, indulging in our favorite activities, or simply enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence, each experience reinforces our bond. Our shared memories serve as a foundation for our relationship, a testament to the depth of our connection and the love that binds us.

I love your quirks and imperfections. Your true essence shines through these unique aspects! Your little traits make me smile and remind me of the beautiful individual you are. I love how you wrinkle your nose when you laugh, become lost in thought when reading a book, and even sing off-key in the shower. These imperfections make you human, relatable, and utterly lovable.

I love the future we envision together. We support each other’s goals, cheering one another on as we navigate the path toward our dreams. The thought of building a life together, creating a home filled with love and shared experiences, fills my heart with anticipation and excitement. The future we imagine is one that I am eager to explore with you by my side.

In conclusion, the reasons why I love you are as vast and varied as the universe itself. It is a love that defies logic and surpasses the limitations of language. From the depths of my being, I love you for the person you are, the way you make me feel, the memories we cherish, your quirks and imperfections, and the future we envision together. My love for you is boundless, unconditional, and everlasting.

A 5-paragraph essay about love

I’ve gathered all the samples (and a few bonus ones) in one PDF. It’s free to download. So, you can keep it at hand when the time comes to write a love essay.

Ready to Write Your Essay About Love?

Now that you know the definition of a love essay and have many topic ideas, it’s time to write your A-worthy paper! Here go the steps:

• Check all the examples of what is love essay from this post.
• Choose the topic and angle that fits your prompt best.
• Write your original and inspiring story.

Any questions left? Our writers are all ears. Please don’t hesitate to ask!

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7 Ways to Express Your Love

Research has shown that giving and getting love is connected to happiness..

Posted February 14, 2017 | Reviewed by Abigail Fagan

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• Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
• Expressing love takes practice.
• Ways to express your love include listening to your partner, saying “please” and “thank you,” and offering help to others.
• Writing letters or poems of gratitude can also be powerful ways to express love.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” —Lao Tzu

Similar to other feelings, expressing love takes practice. However, feeling and displaying love can result in a huge shift in our lives. It’s important to remember that love comes in many forms. We can love our pets , our family members, our friends, and our significant others. Many people believe that love can solve many problems. As singers such as Perry Como, The Hollies, and Deon Jackson sang, “Love makes the world go round.” In essence, it’s a universal language.

Each of us probably has a different definition of love. In romantic love, there’s a magic that happens between two people. Psychologist Erich Fromm, in his classic book, The Art of Loving, writes about the magic of two strangers meeting, and suddenly the wall between them is let down, resulting in a sudden closeness and oneness. This “is one of the most exhilarating, most exciting experiences in life,” he says (p. 3).

Those who have experienced this feeling know that there’s a magical connection when you’re with the right person. It might seem as if the rest of the world is slipping away. The man or woman you’re with is your world for the time that you’re together, and everything just seems easier. While it might feel as if it’s a momentary or fleeting state of mind, the truth is, it is most often a long-term state of mind. As psychologist and author Melanie Greenberg (2013) says, there’s something special about the feeling of two hearts beating as one. In that moment, there’s a deep connection where you’re moved by how the other person is feeling and inspired to make him or her feel good. In general, there’s a deep sense of caring.

Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not, now is a good time to honor the concept of love. My father-in-law, who was one of 12 children, often spoke of his mother’s love by saying, “The more she loved, the more her capacity to love.” Love begets love and is indeed contagious.

Here are seven ways to express your love:

• Offer the gift of listening. Focus on others and hear what they’re really saying. Remember the 80/20 rule: Listen more, talk less. This allows others to share, and also gives you a chance to understand their feelings.
• Say please and thank you. This is a simple act you can practice every day, but many of us often forget to do so. It can make a huge difference in our lives.
• Tell your loved ones how much you love and appreciate them . A little love goes a long way. Many of us are guilty of taking people for granted, so it’s good to acknowledge those who’ve impacted our lives and those we could not live without.
• Offer to help someone in need . There’s always someone who needs something. Often helping others is a way to make you feel good, too. The person you help could be a close friend, neighbor, senior citizen, or challenged individual.
• Write a letter or send a card to someone you love and mail it. You’d be surprised by how much people appreciate this gesture. So many of us have gotten into the habit of exclusively sending e-mail, so it’s especially nice to receive a note in the mail.
• Write your loved ones a poem of gratitude . For some people, writing a poem is easier than for others. You can start by making a list of the reasons you love these individuals. You can also reminiscence about how you met them and what you hope your future together will look like. Also, consider reading love poems by Sufi poet Rumi, Leonard Cohen, or others.
• Practice the art of forgiveness . We often have little spats with loved ones, but as they say, “Pick your fights.” Try to release anger and frustration so that you can adopt a more positive attitude.

Fromm, E. (1956). The Art of Loving. New York, NY : Bantam Books

Greenberg, M. (2013). "10 Research-Based Truths About People in Love.

Diana Raab, MFA, Ph.D., is an author, speaker, educator, and survivor. She’s written nine books of nonfiction and poetry, including the recent Writing for Bliss and Writing for Bliss: A Companion Journal.

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250-500 Word Example Essays About Love and Romance

Got an Essay assignment about Love and Romance? Let us help you out with these inspiring Examples!

Love, an emotion that has captivated the hearts and minds of poets, authors, and artists throughout history, remains a profound and multi-faceted subject. While the depth and complexity of this emotion can make it a daunting topic to explore in an essay, the right resources can turn this challenge into a rewarding endeavor. For those looking to capture the essence of love and romance in their writing, our essay writer can be a beacon of inspiration and assistance. This tool, powered by Jenni.ai, offers a seamless journey through the essay-writing process, from brainstorming ideas to refining the final draft. 

Whether you're delving into argumentative, persuasive , or reflective essays about love, Jenni.ai ensures clarity, coherence, and a touch of elegance in your prose. It's a trusted companion for students, educators, and seasoned writers alike, simplifying the writing journey every step of the way.

1. The Evolution of Love: A Study of the Changing Nature of Romance throughout History

Introduction.

Love is one of humanity's most complicated and mysterious emotions. People have strived to comprehend and define Love throughout history, resulting in many works of literature, art, and music dedicated to the subject. Despite its universal appeal, the nature of Love has evolved significantly throughout time, reflecting evolving cultural, social, and economic situations. In this essay, we will look at the evolution of Love, from ancient times to the present.

Ancient Love

A. Greek and Roman Love

Love was viewed as a complex and varied feeling in ancient Greece and Rome, comprising characteristics of desire, friendship, and awe. Love was frequently represented as a tremendous force in ancient civilizations, capable of both propelling individuals to high heights of success and bringing them down into the depths of sorrow. This was especially true of romantic Love, which was glorified in epic poems like the Iliad and Odyssey , as well as works of art and literature depicting the hardships and sufferings of star-crossed lovers.

B. Medieval Love

A chivalric code known as courtly Love emerged in medieval Europe. Its core tenants were the importance of Love, honour, and devotion. During this time, romantic Love was typically portrayed as an unrequited emotion, with the lover pining for the affections of a faraway and unreachable beloved. Medieval poets and troubadours mirrored this romanticised picture of Love in their works by singing and writing about the highs and lows of passionate Love.

Modern Love

A. The Renaissance

The idealized picture of Love that had ruled for centuries was called into question by artists and intellectuals during the Renaissance, marking a turning point in the development of romantic relationships. During this time, romantic Love was portrayed as more tactile and visceral. Shakespeare, for instance, reflected the shifting beliefs of his day by exploring the nuanced and often tragic nature of Love in his works.

B. The Enlightenment

The concepts of reason and individuality began to gain root during the Enlightenment, and with that came a shift in how people saw Love. Political marriages and alliances were often formed based on Love, which was now considered a more sensible and practical feeling. Thinkers from the Enlightenment period, including Voltaire and Jean-Jacques Rousseau, shared this perspective on Love as a tool for bettering society and the individual.

C. The Modern Era

Today, the word "love" is most often used to describe a feeling one has when they are in a committed relationship or when one has achieved their own goals. Love has become a consumable good thanks to the spread of consumerism and the worship of the individual. The media and arts reflect this conception of Love by depicting it as a means to one's fulfillment and contentment.

The changing cultural, social, and economic conditions of each historical epoch are reflected in the history of Love. The essence of Love has changed dramatically throughout the years, from its idealised image in ancient Greece and Rome to its depiction as a spiritual tie in mediaeval Europe to its current identification with romantic relationships and personal fulfilment. Despite these changes, Love remains a strong and enduring force in human existence, inspiring numerous works of art, literature, and music and affecting how we live and interact with one another.

2. The Power of Love: Examining the Impact of Love on Our Lives and Relationships

Love is a strong feeling that may dramatically alter our life and the bonds we form with others. love, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, can unite us and improve our lives in countless ways., the benefits of love.

A. Improved Physical Health

Love has been demonstrated to improve physical health by decreasing stress, lowering blood pressure, and increasing immunity. The hormone oxytocin, which is released in response to social bonding and has been demonstrated to reduce physiological responses to stress, is thought to be at play here.

B. Enhanced Mental Health

In addition to its physical benefits, Love has been shown to have a beneficial effect on our mental health, lowering stress and anxiety levels and boosting our general sense of happiness. The protective powers of Love against the negative consequences of stress and other difficulties in life are well accepted.

C. Strengthened Relationships

A stronger tie may be formed between two people via the power of Love. Relationships of all kinds, whether romantic, familial, or platonic, may benefit from the strengthening effects of Love by increasing their levels of closeness, trust, and mutual understanding.

The Challenges of Love

A. Love can be painful

Sometimes Love hurts, as when a relationship ends or when we can't find the one we're looking for. One of life's most trying events is losing someone we care about, which may leave us feeling isolated, discouraged, and empty.

The Power of Love to Overcome Challenges

Despite these difficulties, Love may help us overcome them and grow closer to one another. The strength of Love is that it may help us learn and grow, both as people and as a community, via its many forms, such as forgiveness, compromise, and the willingness to persevere through adversity.

Finally, Love is a strong and transformational force that may profoundly influence our lives and relationships. Love may provide us joy, comfort, and a feeling of purpose, whether between friends, family, or romantic partners. Despite its numerous advantages, Love may also bring with it difficulties such as heartbreak and strife. Nonetheless, never underestimate the power of Love. 

It has the potential to draw people together and form deep, long-lasting bonds. Love has the power to make the world a better place, whether through acts of kindness, selflessness, or simply being there for one another. So, let us embrace Love in all of its manifestations and harness its potential to improve our lives and the lives of those around us.

3. The Science of Love: Understanding the Biology and Psychology Behind Love and Attraction

For millennia, people have been drawn and intrigued by the intricate and intriguing feeling of Love. Despite its enormous global significance, the science of Love is now being thoroughly investigated. This paper will investigate the biology and psychology of Love and attraction, delving into the different elements that impact these powerful emotions and how they form our relationships.

The Biology of Love

A. Hormone Function

Love is a biological process controlled by chemicals such as dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. These hormones influence our sensations of attraction, enthusiasm, and enjoyment and boost sentiments of trust and closeness.

B. The Influence of Genetics

Genetics also has an impact on Love and attraction, with some personality qualities and physical characteristics that are considered to be appealing to potential spouses being handed down from generation to generation. This suggests that particular preferences for specific sorts of people are hardwired into our genetics, influencing our romantic and sexual attraction patterns.

The Psychology of Love

A. The Role of Attachment Styles

Our attachment types, which we acquire from our early connections with our caretakers, also affect our Love. These attachment types can significantly influence our later relationships, influencing how we build and keep deep attachments with others.

B. The Impact of Social Norms and Values

Cultural Values

Social conventions and cultural ideas also impact Love and attraction, with societal expectations and values impacting our romantic and sexual impulses. These social conventions and cultural ideas influence everything from who we are attracted to and how we approach and pursue relationships.

The Meeting of Biology and

Love Psychology

The biology and psychology of Love are inextricably linked and interdependent, with one having a complicated and subtle impact on the other. This suggests that, while biology influences our sentiments of attraction and Love, our psychological experiences and beliefs may equally shape these emotions.

To summarise, love science is a complicated and intriguing discipline that encompasses the biology and psychology of this strong and transformational emotion. By investigating the elements that impact Love and attraction, we may gain a deeper understanding of the systems that underpin these feelings and how they shape our lives and relationships. The study of Love is a vital and beneficial effort, whether we seek Love, attempt to preserve Love, or wonder about the science underlying this feeling.

4. The Fine Line Between Love and Obsession: Exploring the Dark Side of Love

Love is a powerful and transformative emotion that can bring immense joy and fulfilment to our lives. But Love can also turn dark and dangerous when it crosses the line into obsession. This essay will examine the fine line between Love and obsession, exploring how Love can become unhealthy and dangerous.

The Characteristics of Obsessive Love

A. Unhealthy Attachment

Obsessive Love is characterized by an unhealthy attachment to another person, with the obsessed person becoming overly dependent on their partner for emotional fulfilment. This can lead to feelings of possessiveness and jealousy, as well as a need for constant attention and validation.

B. Control and Manipulation

Obsessive Love can also involve control and manipulation, with the obsessed person trying to control every aspect of their partner's life and behaviour. This can range from minor acts of manipulation, such as trying to dictate what their partner wears or who they spend time with, to more serious forms of control, such as physical abuse or stalking.

The Dark Side of Love

A. Stalking and Harassment

The dark side of Love can take many forms, with stalking and harassment being among the most extreme and dangerous forms of obsessive behaviour. Stalking and harassment can have serious and long-lasting consequences for the victim, causing fear, stress, and trauma that can impact their mental and physical well-being.

B. Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is another form of the dark side of Love, with physical, sexual, and psychological abuse being used as a means of control and domination. Domestic violence can have devastating consequences for the victim, often leading to serious injury or even death.

The Roots of Obsessive Love

A. Psychological Issues

Obsessive Love can have its roots in psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. These conditions can lead to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem, making it difficult for individuals to form healthy relationships.

B. Cultural and Social Factors

Cultural and social factors can also play a role in the development of obsessive Love, with certain societal beliefs and norms promoting possessiveness and control in relationships. This can include gender roles, expectations, and cultural beliefs about Love and relationships.

In conclusion, the fine line between Love and obsession is delicate and dangerous, with Love crossing over into unhealthy and dangerous territory when it becomes obsessive. By understanding the characteristics of obsessive Love and how it can take dark and dangerous forms, we can better protect ourselves and our loved ones from the negative consequences of this powerful emotion.

5. The Concept of Unconditional Love: An Analysis of the Ideal of Selfless Love

All kinds of different things count as Love since it's such a complicated and diverse feeling. Unconditional Love is frequently depicted as altruistic, all-encompassing, and unshakable, making it one of the most romanticized types. In this essay, I'd discuss the idea of unconditional Love, defining it and contrasting it with other types of affection.

An Explanation of Selfless Love

A. Selfless Love

The term "unconditional love" is commonly used to describe a type of Love that puts the other person's needs before its own. In this kind of Love, one person cares for another without any thought of return or compensation.

B. Love that encompasses everything

Many people use the term "all-encompassing" to express how unconditional Love embraces a person regardless of who they are or what they've done in their lives. A love like this doesn't depend on the other person changing or improving in any way; rather, it's an unconditional embrace of the person as they are.

The Ideal of Unconditional Love

A. Love Without Conditions

Unconditional Love is a romantic ideal in which the lover places no restrictions on the object of his affection. Since it involves so much giving of oneself, this kind of Love is typically held up as the pinnacle of romantic relationships.

B. Putting the Feeling into Action

However, since we are all flawed human beings, practising unconditional Love can be challenging in daily life. Although this may be the case, the ideal of unconditional Love is still significant since it motivates us to improve our Love and compassion towards others.

The Advantages of Unconditional Love

A. Stronger Connections

Unconditional Love has the potential to improve our connections with others, leading to deeper and more meaningful bonds. This kind of Love creates a non-judgmental and welcoming attitude towards people, which can assist to lessen conflict and improve understanding.

B. More Joy and Satisfaction

As a result of the more profound relationships it fosters, unconditional Love may also increase a person's sense of well-being and contentment. Finding Love like this may give our life new meaning and make us feel whole.

In conclusion, many of us hold unconditional Love as a relationship goal. Even if it's not always possible, the ideal of unconditional Love is worthwhile since it motivates us to increase our Love and compassion. The concept of unconditional Love may lead us to a more meaningful and happy lifestyle, whether our goal is to better our relationships or to find more pleasure and contentment in general.

6. The Importance of Communication in Love Relationships: A Study of the Role of Communication in Maintaining Love

Love relationships, like all others, benefit greatly from open lines of communication between partners. Connecting with one another on a regular basis, whether it's to chat about the day, express emotions, or problem-solve, is crucial to keeping the Love alive between you. This essay will discuss the significance of communication in romantic relationships, specifically how it helps couples stay together and grow closer over time.

Advantages of good communication

Increased Compatibility and Mutual Understanding

Love partnerships benefit significantly from open lines of communication that facilitate mutual understanding and closeness. Sharing our innermost ideas, emotions, and experiences with our partners via direct and honest communication strengthens our bonds with them.

Reduced Conflict

As we can better address difficulties and find positive solutions to differences when communicating effectively, we experience less conflict in our relationships. Relationships may be stronger and more loving by talking through differences and finding common ground.

The Difficulties in Expressing Your Feelings in a Romantic Relationship

A. Confusing Messages and Confused Intents

Good communication can sometimes be difficult, especially in romantic partnerships, despite its many advantages. Conflict, anger and a lack of trust may all result from poor communication and misunderstandings in relationships.

B. Vulnerability and Emotional Safety

Likewise, it takes courage and trust to open up and talk about your feelings with the person you love. It may be nerve-wracking to communicate our innermost thoughts and feelings with a partner because of the risk of being judged harshly or rejected.

The Importance of Active Listening

What is Active Listening?

Maintaining positive connections with others requires not just good talkers but also good listeners. Paying close attention to the other person as they speak and making an effort to get their viewpoint and requirements is an essential component of active listening.

The Benefits of Active Listening

The ability to listen attentively and process information can have a significant influence on interpersonal bonds. You may show your spouse how much you value their opinion and the commitment you have to the relationship by listening attentively to what they have to say.

Finally, it's important to note that communication is a cornerstone of successful, loving partnerships. Communication is crucial for developing and maintaining healthy relationships , whether it is via problem-solving, venting, or just listening. Your relationship may grow stronger and become more rewarding and loving if you put an emphasis on communicating well with one another.

Final Words

Love is a complicated and varied theme that has inspired numerous works of art, literature, and music. Whether it is the science of Love, the power of Love, or the development of Love, there is a great deal to learn and comprehend about this universal feeling. 

Students now have access to a potent tool that may assist them in writing essays about Love with ease and assurance thanks to Jenni.ai. From giving ideas and recommendations to leading you through the writing process, Jenni.ai is the ideal option for anyone who wants to write about Love and relationships. Why then wait? Sign up for a free trial of Jenni.ai today and explore its numerous writing perks!

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Essay on Love

Students are often asked to write an essay on Love in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Love

Understanding love.

Love is a powerful emotion, felt by all creatures. It’s a bond that connects us, making us care deeply for others. From family to friends, we experience love in different forms.

Types of Love

There are many types of love. We love our family unconditionally, our friends deeply, and our pets loyally. This shows love’s versatility.

The Power of Love

Love can bring happiness, comfort, and warmth. It can heal wounds and bring peace. The power of love is truly magical.

Love’s Challenges

Love isn’t always easy. It can bring pain and heartache. But overcoming these challenges strengthens love.

Love is a beautiful journey, filled with joy and challenges. It’s a fundamental part of life.

Also check:

• 10 Lines on Love
• Paragraph on Love
• Speech on Love

250 Words Essay on Love

The essence of love.

Love, a universal sentiment, is a complex and multidimensional concept that has been the subject of countless discourses and studies. It is a powerful emotion, a binding force that transcends physicality and enters the realm of the spiritual.

The Multifaceted Nature of Love

Love is not monolithic; it is multifaceted and varies in intensity and expression. It can be romantic, platonic, familial, or self-love. Each type is vital and contributes to our overall well-being. Romantic love, for instance, is often characterized by passion and intimacy. Platonic love, on the other hand, is grounded in intellectual connection and shared interests.

The Transformative Power of Love

Love has the power to transform individuals and societies. It fosters empathy, kindness, and understanding, breaking down barriers and promoting unity. Love can heal wounds, mend broken hearts, and inspire acts of selflessness and sacrifice. It is the catalyst for human growth and the foundation of our humanity.

Despite its beauty, love is not without challenges. It can lead to heartbreak, disappointment, and despair. However, these trials are part of the journey of love, teaching us resilience and the value of vulnerability.

The Enduring Mystery of Love

Despite our attempts to understand and define love, it remains a profound mystery. It is an experience that is deeply personal yet universally shared, a paradox that adds to its allure. Love, in its essence, is an exploration of the depths of the human heart, a journey into the soul’s innermost chambers.

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted, transformative, and enduring emotion that shapes our lives in profound and intricate ways. It is the essence of our humanity, a testament to our capacity for empathy, compassion, and connection.

500 Words Essay on Love

The concept of love.

Love, a four-letter word that encapsulates a plethora of emotions, is a universal concept that transcends all barriers. It is a deeply personal and subjective experience, yet it also serves as a communal bond that ties societies together. The complexity of love is such that it can be viewed from various perspectives, including biological, psychological, and philosophical.

Biological Perspective of Love

From a biological standpoint, love is a potent cocktail of chemicals. Neurotransmitters such as oxytocin and dopamine are primarily responsible for the feelings of attachment and pleasure associated with love. The release of these chemicals in the brain creates a sense of euphoria, leading to the emotional highs that are often associated with romantic love. This biochemical perspective, however, only scratches the surface of the profound complexity of love.

Psychological Perspective of Love

Psychologically, love is a dynamic process that evolves over time. According to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, it consists of three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness and connectedness, passion involves intense feelings and sexual attraction, while commitment refers to the decision to remain with another. The balance between these components determines the type of love one experiences, ranging from infatuation (passion alone) to consummate love (a balance of all three).

Philosophical Perspective of Love

Philosophically, love is often viewed as an existential need. It is seen as a path to self-discovery and personal growth. The philosopher Plato suggested that love is the pursuit of the whole, a quest for completeness. This idea is echoed in the concept of ‘soulmates’ prevalent in popular culture. Yet, love is not solely about finding the ‘missing piece’; it is also about selflessly caring for another, seeking their happiness, and accepting them unconditionally.

Love as a Social Construct

Beyond individual experience, love is a social construct that shapes societal norms and values. It is a driving force behind many cultural practices and traditions. Love is celebrated through literature, music, and art, reflecting its deep-rooted significance in human society. It is a catalyst for social cohesion, fostering empathy and mutual understanding among individuals.

Conclusion: The Complexity and Importance of Love

In conclusion, love is a multifaceted concept that cannot be confined to a single definition. It is a biological process, a psychological state, a philosophical pursuit, and a societal bond. It is a complex interplay of emotions, thoughts, and behaviors that profoundly influences our lives. Despite its complexity, or perhaps because of it, love remains one of the most enduring and universal aspects of the human experience. It is a testament to the depth and breadth of our capacity for connection, compassion, and growth.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Lord of the Flies
• Essay on Living Sustainably in Harmony with Nature
• Essay on Living Abroad

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

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The 5 Love Languages: How to Receive and Express Love

Olivia Guy-Evans, MSc

Associate Editor for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MSc Psychology of Education

Olivia Guy-Evans is a writer and associate editor for Simply Psychology. She has previously worked in healthcare and educational sectors.

Learn about our Editorial Process

Saul Mcleod, PhD

Editor-in-Chief for Simply Psychology

BSc (Hons) Psychology, MRes, PhD, University of Manchester

Saul Mcleod, PhD., is a qualified psychology teacher with over 18 years of experience in further and higher education. He has been published in peer-reviewed journals, including the Journal of Clinical Psychology.

The 5 Love Languages refer to five ways people express and experience emotional affection in relationships. Understanding these languages can benefit any relationship by ensuring partners effectively communicate care in a way most meaningful to each other.

Originally developed by marriage counselor Dr. Gary Chapman in his 1992 book, the five love languages are:

• Words of Affirmation : communicating affection through spoken and written praise, appreciation, encouragement, and frequent “I love you’s”.
• Quality Time : expressing love by fully focusing attention on your partner through shared activities, conversation, and togetherness.
• Physical Touch : showing care through intimate and affectionate physical contact like hugging, kissing, and sex.
• Acts of Service : doing thoughtful deeds and gestures to help make your partner’s life easier by relieving burdens.
• Receiving Gifts : giving meaningful surprises and symbolic presents to celebrate affection.

“I discovered the five love languages out of my counselling. They would sit in my office and one of them would say I just feel like he doesn’t love me or she doesn’t love me and the other person would say I don’t understand that, I do this and this and this, why would you not feel loved?” Dr. Gary Chapman on The Five Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

Someone whose love language is words of affirmation prefers love to be expressed through spoken words, praise, or appreciation.

Specific examples include:

• Compliments about their character or accomplishments
• Frequent “I love you”
• Words of praise when they do something well
• Encouraging text messages
• Thoughtful love notes
• Pet names or terms of endearment

People with this love language may feel hurt by excessive criticism or lack of verbal appreciation.

Partners can make them feel cared for by consciously expressing affection through spoken and written words.

Little comments that recognize their efforts like “dinner was delicious, thank you for cooking” go a long way.

They may say ‘I love you,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ and ‘I appreciate you’ to connect with their partner on a deeper level.

Quality Time

If someone’s love language is quality time , they really appreciate love and affection being expressed through undivided attention from their partner. 

Those with this love language feel most loved when their partner is fully engaged, such as:

• Making eye contact when speaking
• Actively listening without distractions
• Partaking in activities together
• Having meaningful conversations
• Sharing thoughts, feelings and desires

They dislike when their partner seems distracted, disinterested or frequently cancels plans.

Partners can fulfill this need by putting away phones, turning off the TV, facing each other, and asking open-ended questions to nurture intimacy through quality conversation. Planning regular date nights is also hugely meaningful.

Dr. Gary Chapman offers the following advice to express love as quality time:

“Quality time for example, an old-fashioned handwritten letter speaks to the person who has quality time as their language because they’re sitting there reading it and they’re thinking, man they took time to write this thing. And then again, they can read it again and again and hold it in their hand. So that really does speak to quality time people.”

Physical Touch

Those whose primary love language is physical touch feel the most love and appreciation through physical affection.

This includes:

• Holding hands
• Cuddling on the couch
• Stroking their arm/face casually in passing
• Sexual intimacy
• Sitting close together

A lack of physical connection causes someone with this love language to feel distant or unloved.

Partners can make them feel secure through small regular touches, such as a squeeze of the hand when out to dinner or an affectionate neck rub when relaxing at home together in the evenings.

Simply put, people who prefer physical touch want to feel emotionally connected to their partner physically, and it may be important for them to feel physically close to their partner every day.

Long-distance couples can also portray quality time and physical touch. Dr. Gary Chapman offers the following examples when a member of a couple is undertaking military service:

Physical touch, you would think that would be impossible half a world away. Well, one lady said this: “I knew my husband’s love language was physical touch, so when he was deployed, I put my hand on a sheet of paper, I traced my hand, and mailed it to him with a note that said put your hand on my hand, I want to hold your hand. When he came home, he said to me, every time I put my hand on that paper, I felt her. It’s not literal touch, but it’s emotional touch, and that’s what we’re talking about.”

A man said, “I knew her love language is physical touch so before I left I said to her, I’m gonna leave my jean jacket here, any time you need a hug, you put it on and I’ll hug you. She said, every time I put it on I felt his arms around me. So there are practical ways that we spell those out in that military edition.”

Acts of Service

If someone’s primary love language is acts of service , they may want love expressed to them through their partner helping them out through helpful deeds.

These can be:

• Doing chores like laundry, dishes, or cleaning without being asked
• Preparing their partner coffee in the morning
• Making their partner’s favorite home-cooked meal after a stressful day
• Volunteering to run errands like grocery shopping when busy
• Helping with tasks at work by proofreading or staying late
• Taking on extra childcare duties to allow partner personal time
• Planning date activities requiring effort like crafting or hiking

Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for their partner may communicate to their partner that their feelings do not matter.

Noticing when someone’s tired and proactively relieving their workload demonstrates caring better than just talking about helping. Following through reliably also builds trust.

Receiving Gifts

The final love language is  receiving gifts . Those with this as their primary love language feel most cared for by receiving gifts and cherish tangible symbols of love. This includes:

• Picking up a drink or treat for no occasion while out during the day
• Buying personalized gifts like a mug with a shared private joke
• Remembering favorite candy and surprising them with it
• Bringing home something that reminded them of their partner
• Making meaningful mix CDs featuring songs representing relationship moments
• Writing heartfelt cards celebrating milestones, achievements, or feelings

Even very small, frequent gestures (as opposed to large expensive presents) show the partner was thinking fondly of them.

Partners can nurture this need through spontaneous, unique gifts that reference inside meaning, not just generic presents on obligatory holidays.

People with this love language treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift giver put into getting the gift. Gifts could be physical items or even the gift of the partner themselves, such as going to surprise them when they do not expect it.

Someone with this love language may feel hurt if their partner never brings them meaningful gifts or forgets to give them a gift on special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries. 

What is My Love Language?

The five love languages are different ways that people express and experience love. Understanding your primary love language can enhance communication, deepen emotional connection, and foster a greater sense of intimacy in your relationships.

Ready to discover your love language? Let’s get started!

Words Of Affirmation

• Do you feel loved when someone compliments you or appreciates something you’ve done?
• How do you react when someone frequently says “I love you” or expresses their feelings towards you in words?
• Do verbal expressions of gratitude make you feel valued and respected?
• Do you feel most connected to your partner when they express their feelings for you verbally?
• Does it make you feel special when your partner expresses their love for you with special names or terms of endearment?
• Do you find written notes, letters, or messages expressing love particularly touching?
• Do you feel most connected to your partner when they spend uninterrupted time with you?
• How important is it for you to share experiences, activities, or hobbies with your partner?
• Do you value deep, meaningful conversations with your partner?
• How does it affect you when your partner is physically present but seems mentally distracted?
• Does it hurt you more when your partner cancels plans or doesn’t spend time with you compared to other disappointments?
• Do you feel more loved when your partner expresses affection through physical touch, such as holding hands or hugging?
• How important is physical intimacy to you in a relationship?
• Do you feel more connected to your partner when they casually touch you, like a hand on your shoulder or a brush of your arm?
• Is your first instinct to physically comfort your partner when they are upset?
• Does a lack of physical touch make you feel distant or unloved?
• Does physical closeness, like sitting next to each other or cuddling, make you feel loved?

Acts Of Service

• Does your partner assisting you with your responsibilities make you feel cared for?
• How important is it for you that your partner steps in to lighten your workload when you’re overwhelmed?
• How do you feel when your partner goes out of their way to do something that makes your day run more smoothly?
• Would you feel more loved if your partner cooked your favorite meal or cleaned up without being asked?
• Does it upset you more when your partner doesn’t follow through with something they said they would do, compared to other disappointments?
• Do you often express love by doing things for others that you know they would appreciate?
• Do you feel loved when you receive a gift that shows your partner was thinking of you?
• How important is it for you to receive tangible symbols of love from your partner?
• Does receiving a gift, regardless of its cost, make you feel appreciated and valued?
• How do you feel when your partner remembers special occasions with a thoughtful gift?
• Does the thought and effort behind a gift matter more to you than the gift itself?
• Does it hurt you more when your partner forgets to get you a gift for a special occasion compared to other oversights?
• Do you feel more loved when your partner surprises you with a small gift for no particular reason?
• Do you still keep and cherish gifts given to you by your partner a long time ago?

Love Languages in Relationships

Chapman concluded that people don’t give and receive love in the same ways and that everyone has a primary love language that speaks to them most deeply.

He found that patterns emerged in what his clients wanted from their partners. Five consistent patterns were found, which then became what he termed the 5 Love Languages. 

Essentially, Chapman found that his client’s partners may have been expressing love, but it was not in a meaningful way to their partners. They may instead have been receiving an expression of love that is not connected to their love language.

By finding out people’s love languages and the love language of their partner, Chapman suggests that this can help people ensure that they both truly feel loved.

Chapman explains that falling in love is a ‘temporary emotional high’ and that after the initial emotional obsession has died down, partners must put in the effort to pursue what he terms ‘real love.’

He stated that after time in a relationship, couples might forget how to have meaningful connections with their partners. However, through understanding and practicing their partner’s love language, they can rectify and revive these relationships.

All five love languages are equally important, but people differ on the ones they prefer. Some people may appreciate all five, while others may actively dislike one or more.

Chapman suggested several methods in his 1992 book for discovering people’s love languages. He developed the Five Love Languages Profile, which is an online scale ( found here)

Alternatively, individuals can ask themselves some of the following questions:

• ‘What does your partner do or not do that hurts deeply?’
• ‘What have you requested that your partner do more often?’
• ‘How do you regularly express love to your partner?’
• ‘What would your ideal partner be like?’

These types of questions allow people to see what is important to them and to pinpoint the desired ways they wish to receive love.

Although Chapman’s book was written in 1992, it has continued to help couples today.

How Love Languages Help Relationships

Promotes empathy and selflessness.

Using and being committed to understanding another’s love language encourages people to learn to focus on their partner’s needs rather than their own.

Selflessness can be promoted through knowing a person’s love language via time, effort, understanding, and emotional openness. This also encourages partners to step outside themselves and look at what makes another person feel significant.

Being able to view things from someone else’s perspective can promote empathy . If people can empathize with their partner, then they are likely to understand another’s love language and why their partners’ may be different from their own.

Creating empathy for another person can also increase emotional intelligence .

Emotionally intelligent people often put others’ needs before their own, as well as being considerate of others’ perspectives, experiences, and emotions.

Creates more meaningful actions

When couples start to understand and use each other’s love languages more often, the thing they do not only become more intentional but also more meaningful.

By focusing on actions that are known to be more valuable to their partner, time is not wasted on actions that their partner does not appreciate as much.

Encourages self-awareness

Becoming more knowledgeable about how their own and their partner’s love language works can promote self-awareness.

People can become more considerate about how they communicate with their partners, understand what they should or should not do, and make a conscious effort to improve their relationships.

Helps with personal growth

Personal growth can stem from someone being focused on something or someone outside of themselves. Being focused on someone else’s love language can force people to grow and change for the better, to the benefit of their relationship.

The five love languages can also encourage people to love others in ways that they may not have considered before or that are outside of their comfort zone.

Stronger relationships

Putting in time and effort and creating meaningful activities with a partner can strengthen relationships. As they learn more about each other, the intimacy levels, security levels, and happiness of couples should be increased.

Chapman used an analogy of ‘emotional love tanks’ to describe the levels of a couple’s relationships. He stated that low or empty love tanks could cause romantic withdrawal or falling out of love, harsh interactions, or inappropriate behaviors.

Couples with full love tanks, who speak in each other’s love languages, can deal with conflict and cope with their differences. Problems can arise when partners do not know their partner’s love languages or how to use them, so the love tank can empty over time.

However, understanding and learning to use each other’s love languages are necessary for filling the love tank and strengthening relationships.

Are The Love Languages Valid?

Chapman states that the five love languages are a universal construct that can be found in various countries.

Karandashev (2015) argues that love is indeed universal, but it can manifest differently according to different cultures.

For instance, physical touch, such as hugging, can express love in some cultures, but in others, it can be seen as a sexual expression.

Chapman’s theory was based on his own experiences as a counselor and lacked scientific rigor, especially as there is not much research on the five love languages.

One study by Egbert and Polk (2006) tested this validity on students. The results showed that the common love languages expressed by the students matched those of Chapman’s theory; this study is the first empirical support of the theory.

Likewise, Surijah and Septiarly (2016) aimed to validate the love languages theory. The five love languages scale seemed to show a promising reliability score, and there were found to be 17 items on the scale which were valid.

One study on love languages found that if someone perceived that their partner was using their preferred love language well, they had increased feelings of love and relationship satisfaction. This was the case for heterosexual and homosexual couples (Hughes & Camden, 2020).

The same researchers also found that women who perceived their partners were using their preferred love language well reported greater feelings of love compared to men’s perceptions. 

This suggests that love languages may be more effective in improving romantic relationships from a woman’s perspective.

Some issues with the theory are that some people may misuse their love languages, becoming competitive with their partners. Some may keep track of how many actions they have completed for their partner’s love language compared to how many their partner has done, which can put more of a strain on the relationship.

This can also pressure couples if some want their partners to express their love language consistently. Love languages should also not be seen as the main cure for a deteriorating relationship.

This theory may not be able to fix other relationship problems that may exist, and some couples may need further relationship guidance from professionals. For instance, if a relationship is toxic , abusive , or includes gaslighting behaviors, using love languages on their own may not fix the issues.

Love languages should thus be seen as one tool of many to aid communication.

The original model of the love languages written in the 1990s was focused on heterosexual married couples, Chapman often using ‘husbands’ and ‘wives’ when describing the partners.

This can be frustrating for those in homosexual relationships who wish to learn about the theory but may feel excluded.

However, the tools can be used by anyone if they are willing to overlook the heteronormative nature of the theory, as Hughes and Camden (2020) in their research found that homosexual couples benefitted from the love languages as much as heterosexual couples.

Lastly, the original works often described situations and gave advice that adhered to outdated gender stereotypes.

In a 1995 article by Chapman, some quotes included: ‘Isn’t it sweet when every day your wife has the breakfast table set with scrumptious food so you can get a good meal before you go to work…’, and ‘How about sending him food for lunch, or buying her new pots for her kitchen?’.

These gender stereotypes can make it frustrating for women to read, and they may dismiss the theory altogether. It may be that updating the love languages and using more inclusive language would make the theory feel more applicable to the general population.

Taking the outdated views out of consideration, the updated love language rating scales do not appear to be gender specific and can be applicable to anyone in any type of relationship.

Applying Love Languages for Relationship Success

While understanding the foundation of the five love languages provides useful conceptual knowledge, putting insights into action sustains relationships.

Single daters can identify their own primary love language and then evaluate potential partners based on compatible expression styles early on.

An acts of service person unlikely pairs well with a physically-focused lover lacking helping behaviors.

Long-term couples—no matter how familiar—benefit from rediscovering each individual’s potentially evolved love languages over years together.

Have open dialogues regularly exploring what currently makes each person feel connected beyond surface assumptions.

Regardless of status, conscious application nurtures bonds by caring more for what the other desires rather than what feels natural to give.

Speaking each other’s language—with loving action, not just loving words—makes relationships continually feel fulfilling despite life’s inevitable changes.

In practice, consider weaving weekly rituals nurturing all love languages into relating habits. For example, the words of affirmation partner sends a loving text each morning, the physical touch individual hugs upon reuniting each evening.

Staying fluent in love languages requires ongoing engagement, not a one-time quiz. Maintain intimacy through flexibility, meeting evolving emotional needs over the long-term.

In summary, this framework primarily provides a vocabulary, not a quick fix—simply applying labels without adapting expressions toward a partner’s needs breeds more isolation over time.

But invested partners willing to learn how each other’s dialects of desire change across the chapters of life often reach relationship success by loving well, not just fluently.

Frequently asked questions

Does my love language need to be the same as my partner’s to have a strong relationship.

It can be easier if your and your partner’s love language align since you are more likely to be aware of what your partner appreciates if it is similar to what you appreciate.

Despite this, having different love languages does not have to be an issue. As long as the preferred love language is communicated and each person has a good idea of how to show love to their partner, then it is as simple as that.

Issues may only arise if a partner refuses to show their partner’s preferred love language or is not willing to compromise. This can make their partner feel unloved and can break down a relationship over time.

Can love languages be used in other relationships?

Although the original theory discussed the use of love languages between romantic partners, it is possible to use love languages in other relationships: with friends, family members, and co-workers.

For example, if you know that your friend’s love language is words of affirmation, you can ensure you use this with them. You could say tell them ‘I’m so proud of you’, ‘I love spending time with you’, or ‘You’re such a good friend’.

You can even express love languages to yourself. For instance, if your primary love language is receiving gifts, you could treat yourself to something you have wanted for a while or have a day at the spa.

Overall, there are endless ways in which love languages can be expressed to all the people in your life.

Can someone have multiple preferred love languages?

It is very common for people to have a preference for more than one type of love language.

The types may even complement each other. For example, if someone’s love languages are quality time and physical touch, these may be easily accommodated together, for instance, by putting an arm around a partner while watching a movie.

It is also possible for our preferred love language to change over time. This is because our needs and wants constantly change, so the way we receive and show love can also change.

How is the triangular theory of love different from love languages?

The triangular theory provides a structural model of love’s components, while love languages focus on the methods of expressing and experiencing love.

The triangular theory’s structure gives a holistic view of love, allowing for the assessment of the depth and type of love someone might feel. It recognizes that love isn’t one-dimensional. For instance, a long-term couple might have strong intimacy and commitment, representing a deep emotional bond and dedication but might have reduced passion over time. Conversely, a new relationship might be characterized by intense passion but lacks the depth of intimacy or the long-term commitment, indicative of infatuation.

The concept of love languages offers a practical approach to understanding and improving interpersonal relationships. Knowing one’s own love language and that of their partner can significantly enhance the quality of the relationship.

Chapman, G. (1995). The five languages of love. Chicago: Northfield.

Chapman, G. D. (2015). The five love languages: The secret to love that lasts. Northfield Publishing.

Egbert, N., & Polk, D. (2006). Speaking the language of relational maintenance: A validity test of Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Communication Research Reports, 23(1), 19-26.

Hughes, J. L., & Camden, A. A. (2020). Using Chapman’s Five Love Languages Theory to Predict Love and Relationship Satisfaction. Psi Chi Journal of Psychological Research, 25.

Karandashev, V. (2015). A cultural perspective on romantic love. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture, 5(4), 2.

Surijah, E. A., & Septiarly, Y. L. (2016). Construct validation of five love languages. Anima Indonesian Psychological Journal, 31(2), 65-76.

What’s Your Love Language? https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language/

A Dozen Quick Hints

• 1. An expressive essay is about you , your thoughts, feelings, experiences, memories, and emotions. An expressive essay is written in the first person (I, me, and sometimes, we and us).   Use of the 2 nd person (you, yours) is not appropriate in this kind of essay .  
• An expressive essay is normally not subject to all the strict rules governing some other forms of college writing—for example, contractions and informal language might be allowable where they would not be permitted in informative writing. However, even though an expressive essay ordinarily uses a less formal style than other kinds of academic writing, you still must follow rules of grammar, spelling and word usage!   For example, do not call a person “that,” and make sure your sentence structure is correct.  
• It is customary in an expressive essay to use dialogue. English almost always requires joining-words for dialogue or quotes.    
• In expressive and descriptive writing, use descriptive language —that is, describe people, places, things and ideas that you make reference to, and do not simply name them.   Think in terms of the five senses :

Let your words carry the load, and do not rely on exclamation points . Even if the situation you describe is very exciting or emotional, avoid exclamations like: "Wow!"   " Damn!"   " Oh God!"   or the like.   And, never USE ALL CAPITALS to emphasize an exclamation.   This points you out as a childish writer. 

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62 English Idioms About Love to Express Romance Like a Native

Idioms add flavor to languages in unexpected ways.

They can have surprising meanings that are very far from the actual words. And native speakers love using them .

Some of these idioms describe the purest forms of love , others make fun of a person’s feelings and there are even a few that have sad meanings (like breaking up).

Read this post to learn about the 62 most used English idioms about love in all its forms .

1. To fall in love / to fall for someone

2.  to fall out of love, 3.  to be head over heels in love, 4.  a blind date, 5.  to be blinded by love / love is blind, 6.  sweep someone off their feet, 7.  those three little words, 8.  to have the hots for someone, 9.  love at first sight, 10.  to be a love rat, 11.  a match made in heaven, 12.  to be an item, 13.  puppy love, 14.  kiss and make up, 15.  to be lovey-dovey, 16.  to be the apple of someone’s eye, 17.  to be smitten with someone, 18.  to have a crush on someone, 19.  to be under someone’s spell, 20.  to tie the knot, 21.  to think that someone hung the moon, 22.  to be over the moon, 23.  to fall for someone hook, line and sinker, 24.  on the rocks, 25.  to take someone’s breath away, 26.  to pop the question, 27.  to be in a love triangle, 28.  to only have eyes for someone, 29.  to break up / to split up, 30.  to be the love of someone’s life, 31.  wear your heart on your sleeve, 32.  two peas in a pod, 33. steal someone’s heart, 34.  butterflies in your stomach, 35.  lovebirds, 36.  third wheel, 37.  playing hard to get, 38.  heart skips a beat, 39.  from the bottom of my heart, 40.  better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, 41.  stole my heart, 42. love’s young dream, 43.  all’s fair in love and war, 44.  break someone’s heart, 45.  distance makes the heart grow fonder, 46.  opposites attract, 47.  love is a two-way street, 48.  love’s labor lost, 49.  love-hate relationship, 50.  ride or die, 51.  king / queen of hearts, 52.  love nest, 53.  love is in the air, 54.  cupid’s arrow, 55.  love is a battlefield, 56.  to go weak in the knees, 57.  love knows no bounds, 58.  rekindle the fire, 59.  to wear the pants in the relationship, 60.  love will find a way, 61.  an old flame, 62.  to fan the flames of love, and one more thing....

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When you fall in love with someone, you have a strong attraction to or desire for them.

You first fall in love, and then, if it doesn’t go well, you can fall out of love, which normally means that you don’t love that person anymore.

If you are or fall head over heels in love with someone, it means you’re completely in love with them.

Going on a blind date doesn’t mean that your date is blind or that you can’t see them.

A blind date is just a romantic meeting between two people who haven’t met before.

Pro tip: My best friend went on a blind date nine years ago, and she and her husband have three children now!

It seems the metaphor of blindness appears often in expressions related to love.

Maybe this has to do with the fact that when we fall in love, we don’t see any defect (imperfection) in the other person, and we blindly (without thinking about it) do anything for them.

This is exactly the meaning of to be blinded by love and the expression love is blind . You love someone so much that everything looks perfect. You can’t see your significant other’s faults (imperfections).

Pro tip: Check out the series “Love Is Blind” on Netflix!

Though this idiom sounds somewhat dangerous, it’s actually a very good thing.

That’s because this idiom means that you’ve gone and made someone fall in love with you. The “sweeping off their feet” is a very good thing because the person is happy and feeling in love.

When someone refers to those three little words, they’re talking about the words I love you .

For some people, these words can be difficult to say, or they can even be taboo words (words you shouldn’t use) in some conversations.

If you don’t feel comfortable saying the words I love you, just use this expression instead!

Pro tip: Play the game “Taboo” to practice your English vocabulary!

If you have the hots for someone, you find them very attractive.

You can also use the word hot to describe someone who’s attractive.

This is an example of an expression that’s literal (it means what it says).

When you fall in love at first sight, you start having strong, romantic feelings the very moment you see a person for the first time.

Pro-tip: Listen to Kylie Minogue’s song, “Love at First Sight,” to practice this idiom.

Not all idioms about love are positive and full of nice feelings.

Many people normally don’t like rats, so maybe this is the reason why English has the idiom to be a love rat, which describes a person who’s unfaithful to their partner.

If a match is made in heaven, it means that two people are perfect for each other.

This is the kind of relationship many of us want in our lives.

On the other side, we have a match made in hell.

As you can imagine, a couple who are a match made in hell don’t have the best relationship.

When two people are an item, it means they’re together. They’re a couple.

Puppy English is cute, and so is puppy love.

But while it may be cute, it normally just describes infatuation (see the sixth idiom on this list), especially between children or teenagers.

This idiom is most often used by adults to describe young people who’re starting to discover feelings and attraction.

Pro-tip: Watch this video to learn more English vocabulary about puppies!

No, we’re not talking about English makeup (beauty product) vocabulary. We’re talking about making up .

To kiss and make up means that a couple solves a problem they had and reconciles (they make peace).

This expression doesn’t necessarily mean that two people kiss and apologize. It can also be used outside of couples when two people (for example, two friends) stop fighting and forgive each other.

Pro-tip: Practice this idiom with Dua Lipa’s and BLACKPINK’s superb song, “Kiss and Make Up.”

If you’re not a fan of PDA (public displays of affection), you probably don’t like couples who are lovey-dovey because this idiom is used to refer to couples that love showing how much they’re in love.

Simply put, the apple of your eye is the person you love the most.

This idiom can be used with a person you have romantic feelings for or with family members (especially kids) and even objects.

If you’re smitten with someone, you have strong feelings of affection or attraction for that person.

You can also use this idiom with animals and people.

Contrary to what you may think, to have a crush on someone doesn’t mean to destroy or be destroyed by someone.

It actually means that you have strong romantic feelings for someone, but normally you don’t know the person very well, and sometimes they may not even know you exist!

When you’re under someone’s spell , you’re very attracted to them romantically, but you’re also influenced by them.

This means that sometimes you can be manipulated by the other person (as if they had a real spell on you), so that’s probably why this idiom is normally used negatively.

When two people tie the knot, they get married.

If you think someone has hung the moon (and possibly the stars, too) in the sky for you to see, you definitely think they’re the most extraordinary person in the world.

Congratulations, you’re in love!

You can also use this expression when a little kid loves and admires an adult.

And since we’re talking about the moon, have you ever been over it?

If you’r e over the moon, you’re blissfully and happily in love.

However, you don’t have to be in love or even be talking about romantic feelings to be over the moon.

When someone falls for someone hook, line and sinker, it means they’re completely infatuated with them.

My friend, if your relationship is on the rocks, it’s having difficulties. You better kiss and make up (see the 14th idiom on this list) or break up   (see the 29th idiom on this list).

When someone takes your breath away, you have probably fallen in love with them. You think they’re so amazing that you forget to even breathe.

Things can also take your breath away when you think they’re awesome. They make you have intense feelings, too, but not the romantic kind explained above.

Pro-tip: Practice this idiom with one of the most superb classics in the history of music, Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away.”

When someone pops the question, they ask the person they love to marry them.

Triangles can be in a math book, in an orchestra and even in a relationship!

A love triangle is a romantic relationship that involves three people instead of two. For example, person A loves person B, but person B loves person C and person C loves person A… confusing!

To only have eyes for someone means that you look only at that one person romantically. You’re so in love with them that there’s no other option out there.

This is probably one of the saddest idioms on this list.

If a couple breaks up or splits up, they end their relationship.

If you’re the love of someone’s life, it means that they love you wholeheartedly (with their whole heart, or a lot), and you’re the most important person in their life. They’ll probably also tell you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you.

This means you openly display your emotions. No hiding here. If you’re in love, you look like you’re in love. If you’re angry, you’re scowling.

When two people (usually a couple or best friends) are so right for each other, we can say that they are like two little green peas in a pod . As you may have assumed, this idiom has nothing to do with the green legume. 

Although you can’t literally steal someone’s heart, you can convince them to fall in love with you. In English, you can say this is stealing someone’s heart , though the person who’s fallen in love most certainly still has their heart.

You know that feeling when you’re in love (or have a crush on someone) and when you think about them, you feel a light fluttery feeling in your stomach?

That might mean you’re in love. But hopefully there aren’t really butterflies in your stomach.

Here’s a video that describes why people feel this sensation:

When two people are in love and they seem just right for each other, we can call them lovebirds . After all, many birds do mate for life!

This is a bad thing usually. You know when you’re hanging out with a couple and they only have eyes for one another (meaning they really, really like each other)? 

This is when you may feel like a third wheel . Imagine a motorcycle or a bicycle. They only need two wheels!

This describes when you know someone likes you, but you want to really make them work for your attention. This is called playing hard to get . 

Many people do this because they want their suitor to work hard for their love.

Hopefully your heart doesn’t actually skip a beat, because this is a medical disorder!

But in English idioms about love, this is a very good thing. It means that someone is so striking or beautiful that when you look at them, you feel like your heart is skipping a beat .

To hear this idiom in context, listen to the song “Heart Skips a Beat” by Olly Murs:

Though your heart does have a bottom, that’s not what this idiom is about. 

What is actually means is that you are totally sincere in what you’re saying or feeling.

This common idiom means that you should try to find love in your life, even if it doesn’t work out. Because a lost love is better than never having one at all.

If someone steals your heart, you die, right? 

Not in the world of English idioms. Here, it means that you fell in love with the person who stole your heart.

This idiom means that love is naive. Young people fall in love quickly, but they also fall out of love quickly. So this idiom means that love makes everything young and innocent. And that’s a good thing unless you take it too far.

This idiom means that every behavior is acceptable in two situations: love and war. Of course you can’t take it too seriously.

People behave pretty badly when their jealous or when they get broken up with. And during war, they do really bad things. Nevertheless, it’s a great idiom.

Listen to Ronnie Milsap’s classic song “All’s Fair in Love and War” to hear this idiom in context:

You don’t want to break someone’s heart by hurting them. That’s exactly what this idiom tells us. If you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend out of the blue one day, you may break their heart.

So be careful with those you love.

This idiom reminds us that when you’re away from your lover, you may grow to love them even more. All the little annoyances will be gone and you’ll only remember the good stuff.

So maybe take a solo vacation once in a while.

Sometimes, two people seem like total opposites.

He’s a scientist and she’s a romance author, for example. Or he’s a neat freak and she’s one of the messiest people on earth.

Well this doesn’t mean that a relationship won’t work. Sometimes opposites attract.  

This idiom means that you have to put work into a relationship to make it work out. And since it’s a two-way street, this means that both participants in the relationship must put in some work.

This is a negative one. It means when one’s efforts to win someone’s affection or love go unrewarded.

Imagine you bought flowers for someone every day for a week, and wrote them love letters on the weekend. But the person receiving the flowers and love letters still has no interest in you. That’s love’s labor lost.

Sometimes with certain people, you love them so intensely that it almost (sometimes) feels like hate. 

At times like this, you realize how close love and hate are on the emotional spectrum. This is a love-hate relationship .

Your ride or die is your first choice person to spend time with. Your “partner in crime” is another idiom that means the same thing. 

Your “bestie,” (best friend) or your “bestie with benefits,” which means that you also have an intimate relationship.

Here’s a great song featuring this idiom:

A king or queen of hearts is someone that everyone loves. 

Most likely they’re intelligent, witty, funny and, on top of all of that, very attractive.

If you fall in love with someone, and spend a lot of time alone with them, your friend might start calling your apartment your love nest.

As if you’re two “love birds” together in a cozy little nest.

This idiom means that someone feels like someone is falling in love. It’s a feeling that love and romance is all around. Like in Paris in the spring, for example.

If someone gets shot with Cupid’s arrow , that means they’re going to fall in love. Cupid sounds dangerous, right?

Love can get pretty cruel at times. That’s what this idiom is about. But it also means that you have to fight for love and for your relationships.

You have to be a soldier on the battlefield of love. 

When you see someone who you think is attractive, you may feel like your knees are giving out.

If they happen to kiss you under some mistletoe (the small branch of a plant that gets hung in a doorway during Christmas), you may feel like you’re going to collapse, but in a good way. This is also called “swooning.”

You live in New York and he lives in Texas? No problem. She lives in Ecuador and only speaks Spanish and you don’t know the language? No worries.

Love knows no bounds.

Say you were in love at one time with someone and then the relationship ends. But then, a year later, you see him or her at a party and you feel like maybe you’d like to give it another try.

This is called  rekindling the fire. “Kindling” is small pieces of wood used to start a fire, and “fire” is often used as a metaphor for love.

The person who  wears the pants in the relationship  is the one who makes the decisions.

Though it probably has a questionable origin, the person who wears the pants has nothing to do with gender. 

Love will prevail, even in the hardest times. Say you’re broke and your boyfriend just broke up with you and then, on top of all that, your car gets stolen.

Well have no fear because soon enough, love will appear again in your life, making everything feel better.

An  old flame  is someone you used to be in a relationship with. An ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend that maybe you still have fond feelings about.

To start a fire, sometimes you have to fan it (or blow on it). This idiom uses the fire metaphor again to explain how building a relationship is similar to building a fire.

And on this sweet note, we’ve finished our list of love idioms!

As you’ve seen, there are a lot of idioms in English to talk about love and relationships.

Some of them are more positive than others, but they all have something in common: They’re often used by native English speakers and are a part of everyday conversations. You can see for yourself by watching the videos on the FluentU program. And while you watch, look for more romantic phrases to use with your own sweetheart.

The more idioms you learn, the better you’ll be able to express all the nuances this beautiful language has to offer.

Stay in love, my friends, and as always, happy learning!

If you like learning English through movies and online media, you should also check out FluentU. FluentU lets you learn English from popular talk shows, catchy music videos and funny commercials , as you can see here:

If you want to watch it, the FluentU app has probably got it.

The FluentU app and website makes it really easy to watch English videos. There are captions that are interactive. That means you can tap on any word to see an image, definition, and useful examples.

FluentU lets you learn engaging content with world famous celebrities.

For example, when you tap on the word "searching," you see this:

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Learn all the vocabulary in any video with quizzes. Swipe left or right to see more examples for the word you’re learning.

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How to Know When You Love Someone

Baby don't hurt me

Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Emily is a board-certified science editor who has worked with top digital publishing brands like Voices for Biodiversity, Study.com, GoodTherapy, Vox, and Verywell.

Verywell / Laura Porter

• How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

Is Love Influenced By Biology or Culture?

How to show love to another person.

• Tips for Cultivating

Negative Emotions Associated With Love

Take the love quiz.

When it comes to love, some people would say it is one of the most important human emotions . Love is a set of emotions and behaviors characterized by intimacy, passion, and commitment. It involves care, closeness, protectiveness, attraction, affection, and trust.

Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. 

Love is a physiological motivation such as hunger, thirst, sleep, and sex drive.

There are countless songs, books, poems, and other works of art about love (you probably have one in mind as we speak!). Yet despite being one of the most studied behaviors, it is still the least understood. For example, researchers debate whether love is a biological or cultural phenomenon.

How Do You Know You're Feeling Love for Someone?

What are some of the signs of love? Researchers have made distinctions between feelings of liking and loving another person.

Zick Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving

According to psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is made up of three elements:

• Attachment : Needing to be with another person and desiring physical contact and approval
• Caring : Valuing the other person's happiness and needs as much as your own
• Intimacy : Sharing private thoughts, feelings, and desires with the other person

Based on this view of romantic love, Rubin developed two questionnaires to measure these variables, known as Rubin's Scales of Liking and Loving . While people tend to view people they like as pleasant, love is marked by being devoted, possessive, and confiding in one another. 

Are There Different Types of Love?

Yup—not all forms of love are the same, and psychologists have identified a number of different types of love that people may experience.

These types of love include:

• Friendship : This type of love involves liking someone and sharing a certain degree of intimacy.
• Infatuation : This form of love often involves intense feelings of attraction without a sense of commitment; it often takes place early in a relationship and may deepen into a more lasting love.
• Passionate love : This type of love is marked by intense feelings of longing and attraction; it often involves an idealization of the other person and a need to maintain constant physical closeness.
• Compassionate/companionate love : This form of love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment.
• Unrequited love : This form of love happens when one person loves another who does not return those feelings.

Robert Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love

Specifically, psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his well-regarded triangular theory of love in the early 1980s. Much research has built upon his work and demonstrated its universality across cultures.

Sternberg broke love into three components—intimacy, passion, and commitment—that interact to produce seven types of love .

Love is most likely influenced by both biology and culture. Although hormones and biology are important, the way we express and experience love is also influenced by our own conceptions of love.

Some researchers suggest that love is a basic human emotion just like happiness or anger, while others believe that it is a cultural phenomenon that arises partly due to social pressures and expectations. 

Research has found that romantic love exists in all cultures, which suggests that love has a strong biological component. It is a part of human nature to seek out and find love. However, culture can significantly affect how individuals think about, experience, and display romantic love.

Is Love an Emotion?

Psychologists, sociologists, and researchers disagree somewhat on the characterization of love. Many say it's not an emotion in the way we typically understand them, but an essential physiological drive. On the other hand, the American Psychological Association defines it as "a complex emotion." Still, others draw a distinction between primary and secondary emotions and put love in the latter category, maintaining that it derives from a mix of primary emotions.

There is no single way to practice love. Every relationship is unique, and each person brings their own history and needs. Some things that you can do to show love to the people you care about include:

• Be willing to be vulnerable.
• Be willing to forgive.
• Do your best, and be willing to apologize when you make mistakes.
• Let them know that you care.
• Listen to what they have to say.
• Prioritize spending time with the other person.
• Reciprocate loving gestures and acts of kindness.
• Recognize and acknowledge their good qualities.
• Share things about yourself.
• Show affection.
• Make it unconditional.

How Love Impacts Your Mental Health

Love, attachment, and affection have an important impact on well-being and quality of life. Loving relationships have been linked to:

• Lower risk of heart disease
• Decreased risk of dying after a heart attack
• Better health habits
• Increased longevity
• Lower stress levels
• Less depression
• Lower risk of diabetes

Tips for Cultivating Love

Lasting relationships are marked by deep levels of trust, commitment, and intimacy. Some things that you can do to help cultivate loving relationships include:

• Try loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a technique often used to promote self-acceptance and reduce stress, but it has also been shown to promote a variety of positive emotions and improve interpersonal relationships. LKM involves meditating while thinking about a person you love or care about, concentrating on warm feelings and your desire for their well-being and happiness.
• Communicate. Everyone's needs are different. The best way to ensure that your needs and your loved one's needs are met is to talk about them. Helping another person feel loved involves communicating that love to them through words and deeds. Some ways to do this include showing that you care, making them feel special, telling them they are loved , and doing things for them.
• Tackle conflict in a healthy way . Never arguing is not necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship—more often than not, it means that people are avoiding an issue rather than discussing it. Rather than avoid conflict, focus on hashing out issues in ways that are healthy in order to move a relationship forward in a positive way. 

As Shakespeare said, the course of love never did run smooth. Love can vary in intensity and can change over time. It is associated with a range of positive emotions, including happiness, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but it can also result in negative emotions such as jealousy and stress.

No relationship is perfect, so there will always be problems, conflicts, misunderstandings, and disappointments that can lead to distress or heartbreak.

Some of the potential pitfalls of experiencing love include:

• Increased stress
• Obsessiveness
• Possessiveness

While people are bound to experience some negative emotions associated with love, it can become problematic if those negative feelings outweigh the positive or if they start to interfere with either person's ability to function normally. Relationship counseling can be helpful in situations where couples need help coping with miscommunication, stress, or emotional issues.

History of Love

Only fairly recently has love become the subject of science. In the past, the study of love was left to "the creative writer to depict for us the necessary conditions for loving," according to Sigmund Freud . "In consequence, it becomes inevitable that science should concern herself with the same materials whose treatment by artists has given enjoyment to mankind for thousands of years," he added.  

Research on love has grown tremendously since Freud's remarks. But early explorations into the nature and reasons for love drew considerable criticism. During the 1970s, U.S. Senator William Proxmire railed against researchers who were studying love and derided the work as a waste of taxpayer dollars.

Despite early resistance, research has revealed the importance of love in both child development and adult health.  

Our fast and free love quiz can help you determine if what you've got is the real deal or simply a temporary fling or infatuation.

Burunat E. Love is not an emotion .  Psychology . 2016;07(14):1883. doi:10.4236/psych.2016.714173

Karandashev V. A Cultural Perspective on Romantic Love .  ORPC. 2015;5(4):1-21. doi:10.9707/2307-0919.1135

Rubin Z. Lovers and Other Strangers: The Development of Intimacy in Encounters and Relationships: Experimental studies of self-disclosure between strangers at bus stops and in airport departure lounges can provide clues about the development of intimate relationships . American Scientist. 1974;62(2):182-190.

Langeslag SJ, van Strien JW. Regulation of Romantic Love Feelings: Preconceptions, Strategies, and Feasibility .  PLoS One . 2016;11(8):e0161087. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0161087

• Sorokowski P, Sorokowska A, Karwowski M, et al.  Universality of the triangular theory of love: adaptation and psychometric properties of the triangular love scale in 25 countries .  J Sex Res . 2021;58(1):106-115. doi:10.1080/00224499.2020.1787318

American Psychological Association. APA Dictionary of Psychology .

Wong CW, Kwok CS, Narain A, et al. Marital status and risk of cardiovascular diseases: a systematic review and meta-analysis .  Heart . 2018;104(23):1937‐1948. doi:10.1136/heartjnl-2018-313005

Robards J, Evandrou M, Falkingham J, Vlachantoni A. Marital status, health and mortality .  Maturitas . 2012;73(4):295‐299. doi:10.1016/j.maturitas.2012.08.007

Teo AR, Choi H, Valenstein M. Social Relationships and Depression: Ten-Year Follow-Up from a Nationally Representative Study . PLoS One . 2013;8(4):e62396. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0062396

Roberson PNE, Fincham F. Is relationship quality linked to diabetes risk and management?: It depends on what you look at . Fam Syst Health. 2018;36(3):315-326. doi:10.1037/fsh0000336

He X, Shi W, Han X, Wang N, Zhang N, Wang X. The interventional effects of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions and interpersonal interactions .  Neuropsychiatr Dis Treat . 2015;11:1273‐1277. doi:10.2147/NDT.S79607

Freud S. The Freud Reader . New York: W. W. Norton & Company; 1995.

Winston R, Chicot R. The importance of early bonding on the long-term mental health and resilience of children . London J Prim Care (Abingdon). 2016;8(1):12-14. doi:10.1080/17571472.2015.1133012

By Kendra Cherry, MSEd Kendra Cherry, MS, is a psychosocial rehabilitation specialist, psychology educator, and author of the "Everything Psychology Book."

Essay on Love for Students and Children

500+ words essay on love.

Love is the most significant thing in human’s life. Each science and every single literature masterwork will tell you about it. Humans are also social animals. We lived for centuries with this way of life, we were depended on one another to tell us how our clothes fit us, how our body is whether healthy or emaciated. All these we get the honest opinions of those who love us, those who care for us and makes our happiness paramount.

What is Love?

Love is a set of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs with strong feelings of affection. So, for example, a person might say he or she loves his or her dog, loves freedom, or loves God. The concept of love may become an unimaginable thing and also it may happen to each person in a particular way.

Love has a variety of feelings, emotions, and attitude. For someone love is more than just being interested physically in another one, rather it is an emotional attachment. We can say love is more of a feeling that a person feels for another person. Therefore, the basic meaning of love is to feel more than liking towards someone.

Get the huge list of more than 500 Essay Topics and Ideas

Need of Love

We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and deep-hearted because the fulfillment of this wish increases the happiness level. Expressing love for others benefits not just the recipient of affection, but also the person who delivers it. The need to be loved can be considered as one of our most basic and fundamental needs.

One of the forms that this need can take is contact comfort. It is the desire to be held and touched. So there are many experiments showing that babies who are not having contact comfort, especially during the first six months, grow up to be psychologically damaged.

Significance of Love

Love is as critical for the mind and body of a human being as oxygen. Therefore, the more connected you are, the healthier you will be physically as well as emotionally. It is also true that the less love you have, the level of depression will be more in your life. So, we can say that love is probably the best antidepressant.

It is also a fact that the most depressed people don’t love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also become self-focused and hence making themselves less attractive to others.

Society and Love

It is a scientific fact that society functions better when there is a certain sense of community. Compassion and love are the glue for society. Hence without it, there is no feeling of togetherness for further evolution and progress. Love , compassion, trust and caring we can say that these are the building blocks of relationships and society.

Relationship and Love

A relationship is comprised of many things such as friendship , sexual attraction , intellectual compatibility, and finally love. Love is the binding element that keeps a relationship strong and solid. But how do you know if you are in love in true sense? Here are some symptoms that the emotion you are feeling is healthy, life-enhancing love.

Love is the Greatest Wealth in Life

Love is the greatest wealth in life because we buy things we love for our happiness. For example, we build our dream house and purchase a favorite car to attract love. Being loved in a remote environment is a better experience than been hated even in the most advanced environment.

Love or Money

Love should be given more importance than money as love is always everlasting. Money is important to live, but having a true companion you can always trust should come before that. If you love each other, you will both work hard to help each other live an amazing life together.

Love has been a vital reason we do most things in our life. Before we could know ourselves, we got showered by it from our close relatives like mothers , fathers , siblings, etc. Thus love is a unique gift for shaping us and our life. Therefore, we can say that love is a basic need of life. It plays a vital role in our life, society, and relation. It gives us energy and motivation in a difficult time. Finally, we can say that it is greater than any other thing in life.

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How To Express Love

Expressing love can be done in many different ways, and individuals might have varying "love languages." You can show appreciation to a friend, family, spouse, or partner through touch, words, actions, quality time, gifts, and simply by giving them compliments. Many people consider saying "I love you" one of the most direct ways of telling someone you care. However, you can try other methods as well.

Benefits of expressing love 

Showing love allows you to meet social needs for love and belonging, as outlined in Maslow's  hierarchy of needs pyramid . Additionally, many psychological studies list social connection and positive feedback as essential for physical and mental health . We often learn about love and care when we are babies and children, depending on how our caregivers meet our needs. If love isn't expressed or our needs aren't met as kids, we may develop insecure attachments and struggle with adult relationships. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Love and gratitude may not have to be expressed in the same way for every person and every situation. However, it can show someone else that you care and value their place in your life. Additionally, it may improve the health of you both.

Nonverbal expressions of love

In some cases, individuals might make a point of expressing love through their actions. Non-verbal expressions of love may involve physical expressions of affection. These might be subtle, such as giving your partner a back rub when they are tired, trying to be physically close, holding hands, hugging, or planning a fun activity for you both to do together.

You can also try to express non-verbal love through your body language, such as smiling or leaning toward someone. Choosing to spend quality time with someone but not necessarily touching is another way to express care. 

Verbal expressions of love

"I love you," or other loving phrases can be verbal love. Some people might feel loved through other phrases like "thank you," "I miss you," or "you're important to me." Giving someone words of encouragement during a difficult time can also help them feel loved. You can also welcome your partner into family conversations or express love to a friend by telling them how much you value their friendship. 

Bragging about your loved one is another way to demonstrate love. Talking about your loved one's accomplishments can ensure your partner feels and understands how much you care for them. You can do this when you introduce your partner to friends, family members, and coworkers or post a photo of them and caption it in a way that shows your appreciation.  

Creative expressions of love

If non-verbal acts or verbal expressions aren’t feeling like enough, consider creating something for the people you love. Creating a gift can communicate devotion and thoughtfulness, especially if you put time and effort into it. You can give love to people in the following creative ways: 

• Write them a poem
• Create a scrapbook
• Create jewelry or a locket with a photo of you both 
• Create a photo memory book to celebrate major moments in your relationship
• Create a relationship time capsule to open in the future
• Share a laugh together by creating something that relates to an inside joke
• Write letters for your partner to open at different moments in their life 
• Create a playlist of their favorite songs and listen to it together

Exploring love languages

Learning to recognize your love language may help you determine what forms of expression you prefer. It can also help you identify or relate to the love languages of others.

The five love languages include:

• Physical touch
• Acts of service 
• Words of affirmation 
• Receiving gifts 
• Quality time

Each of these can represent a unique way to give and receive love. Differing love languages can initially cause friction within the relationship, as one or both partners might not feel appropriately loved and seen. Love languages are not ways to determine who is low maintenance; they are tools to help couples acknowledge and navigate the complexities of love.

If your partner wants physical touch (such as hugs, kisses, or cuddling while watching a film), but you want quality time (perhaps you value undivided attention and long conversations about the said film), both of you can consider practicing the love language of the other when giving love, as long as it doesn’t make either party feel overwhelmed. Note that consent is critical when giving a physical touch. It's important to talk to a partner about what they feel comfortable with and respect the boundaries they establish.

When expressing love may be unhealthy

In some instances, expressions of love may be unhealthy. In unrequited love or non-consensual relationships, do not try to express love without prior consent. For example, your friend might not be interested in romantic forms of love. If they express their disinterest and you try to send them a romantic letter, or inappropriate message, invade their personal space, or send a gift to their workplace, it could be considered  harassment or stalking. In these cases, it's essential to respect the person’s boundaries, and in some instances, walk away from the relationship entirely.

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

Therapy as a tool for healthy love

Expressing love can be multifaceted and varied. Each expression might depend on your relationship with your loved ones, your intimacy levels, and the depth of your love. There is no single way to correctly express your feelings, as long as it is healthy and consensual. The best way of expression for one relationship may not be the same for another.  Some parts of the relationship might see fewer expressions of love, as in moments of frustration or transition. Others might include grand expressions, such as a proposal or a wedding day. 

Many relationships can have ups and downs. If you're having trouble coming up with ways to say I love you daughter and son, therapy can be an effective way to learn ways to express love and strengthen your relationships.  Couples therapy can be difficult to arrange with an in-person therapist when you and your partner have busy schedules, so you might benefit from trying online counseling. 

A recent study indicates that couples who work with an online counselor find the format less judgmental than in-person therapy and as effective as other methods. Participants said that internet-based therapy allowed them to focus on the therapeutic process and offered a more robust sense of control and comfort than traditional face-to-face therapy. You can decide whether to partake in video, phone, or live chat sessions with your licensed therapist through online counseling. You and your partner can also gain worksheets and resources to support you in your relationship.

“I'm only two sessions in; however, JosuaRine has exceeded my expectations of this process. He has offered sensible and sound advice, guiding me in pursuit of my mental health goals, helping me work through relationships and tools that are useful during times of difficulty.”

“Judi helped me make a lot of decisions and be more communicative in my interpersonal relationships. She is a great listener and gives fantastic advice.”

Commonly asked questions

Below are some commonly asked questions about love and expressions of care. 

What are the five ways to express love?

The five love languages are quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gift-giving. They may be expressed in the following ways: 

• Gift Giving: Thoughtful presents, leaving positive notes, creating a present from scratch, creating a photo album of memories 
• Acts Of Service: Filling up your partner's gas tank, taking out the trash, sending your partner on an all-expenses-paid trip, offering to rub their feet after a long day, helping them fill out paperwork
• Words Of Affirmation: Writing love words for her through a long and thoughtful letter, leaving positive affirmations around the house, tell your partner you love them in multiple ways, being detailed when talking about love, and have meaningful conversations.
• Physical Touch: Giving a massage, kissing, having sex, holding hands, putting your hand on their shoulder in public, standing close together, hugging 

How do I express love to my partner?

There are many ways you can show love to your partner. Ask them what they would prefer and try to be present in that way for them. Even if they do not have the same form of expressing love as you, they might appreciate you making an effort to switch up your actions. Giving a person your undivided attention, asking about their life, and listening to what they say might make them feel special and loved.

What are the 5 ways of expressing love? What are the 7 signs of love language? What's a deeper word for love? How do you deeply express your feelings? How do I explain my feelings? How do you tell someone you love them? What are the 3 feelings in love? What are the 5 Cs of love? What is the strongest way to say I love you?

What is emotional love? What is the most romantic language? What's the most attractive love language? What are 4 ways to express feelings? How do you make love passionate? How do you show your partner you love them?

• The Role Of Trust And Expectations In Relationships Medically reviewed by Karen Foster , LPC
• I Think I'm In Love: How To Know About Your Feelings For Someone Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti , M.Ed, LPC
• Relationships and Relations

Love Languages: Expressing Love by Culture

Photo courtesy of Wessex Scene

By Amanda Cardini, Co-editor, Das Tor

The holiday of love is upon us and as every T-bird knows, expressing your feelings can vary widely by country and culture. While in English there is only one phrase for saying “I love you”, some languages have multiple ways and many cultures are more expressive than American culture. Societal rules about PDA (Public Displays of Affection) and even friendly greetings can be tricky to navigate in foreign countries. To find out more about cultural differences in the language of love, current T-birds shared their experiences from home.

Marissa Garay (MAGAM ‘19) – Mexico: Te amo

Valentine’s Day is celebrated in Mexico, and it is pretty much the same as in the U.S. It is sometimes called “Día del Amor y la Amistad” or Day of Love and Friendship. Most people only celebrate it with significant others- and sometimes friends. The gifts are very similar, typically flowers, chocolates, or balloons. In Spanish there are a couple ways of saying I love you.  Te amo  is mostly reserved for significant others, while  te quiero  can be said to friends, as well as  te quiero mucho , which can also be said to family such as parents. Some will say  te amo  to family and friends, but it is much less common. Mexican culture is much more expressive than American culture; there is more hand-holding and hugs, and it is overall more touchy-feely. The culture is somewhat masculine, so more often boys approach girls than the other way around.

Sanne de Schipper (MAGAM ‘19) – The Netherlands: Ik hou van je.

Valentine’s Day is celebrated, but is not as big as it is in the States. It has gained popularity more recently, but many people view it as more of a commercial thing, so overall it is not as popular as in the US. Some high schools will have roses available to send to friends. PDA is not common, it is seen even less so than in the U.S. Americans also tend to say “I love you” more than the Dutch, but within relationships there is a similar culture around saying “I love you” for the first time. It also does not matter whether a girl approaches a boy first or vice versa.

Betty Illioi (MAGAM ‘19) – Romania: Te iubesc

Romania does not have Valentine’s Day, but  Mărțișor is celebrated on March 1 . It is kind of similar to Valentine’s Day, but is celebrated on the Romanian first day of spring. Traditionally, a figurine is given to your crush, and more recently this has evolved into a small trinket with a bow given to family members or friends. Romanian life is pretty patriarchal, so the men always approach the women. “I love you” is much more reserved than in American culture; it is not used to describe random things or items, and the majority of the time it is said only to family members. Many Romanians believe Western cultures’ overuse of the phrase has caused it to lose its meaning.

Irene Kinyanguli (MAGAM ‘19) – Tanzania: Nakupenda

Valentine’s Day is celebrated but it is seen as very commercial. Western culture in general is spreading, but there are still big differences in expressing love. “I love you” is not said often. It’s more expressed by being there for someone in crisis and through presents. People don’t say mushy things like “I love you, I would die for you.” And when it comes to love, men are the dominant ones; they have to initiate it. We don’t expect men to be really emotional; men don’t cry, and it’s almost unexpected if a man says I love you. There is no PDA, everything is very toned down compared to the U.S. For example, I have never heard my parents call each other “darling” or any other pet names!

Jenny Li (MAGAM ‘19) – Taiwan:  我爱你 (Wo ai ni)

In Taiwan, “I love you” is more reserved for your husband or boyfriend and parents or siblings. If it’s a friend you just say I like you. For Valentine’s Day we have something special. We have regular Valentine’s Day, White Valentine’s Day, and the Lunar Month of July. On regular Valentine’s Day (February 14th) the boys give girls gifts. There are usually special Valentine’s Day meals in restaurants, and couples wearing matching T-shirts is very common, or at least matching colors. White Valentine’s Day (March 14th) is when the girls give gifts back to the boys. This is a newer trend as traditionally boys are supposed to reach out to girls first. The Lunar Month of July involves a story about a boy and a girl who were separated, but during the Lunar Month birds will build a bridge so they can meet in the middle. It is celebrated just like normal Valentine’s Day. We also have a new holiday on November 11th, Singles Day. Pocky, a Taiwanese snack, is given as a gift to single friends.

Love is in the air across the globe this time of year, despite the various ways of expressing it. Whether you’re spending this Valentine’s Day with someone special or with family and friends, there are plenty of ways to celebrate and spread the love. 

This article was originally published in  Das Tor , Thunderbird’s student newspaper.

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Five Ways to Express Love

There are many ways of expressing love, and most people have one or two ways that they most commonly demonstrate affection. These are also usually the same ways that they best identify and understand love when it’s offered to them. It’s important to understand how you and your partner feel and show appreciation, so that you can recognize when they are showing love, and adjust your own way of offering love to them so that they can truly feel it. Below are the most common five ways to express love.

Some people express and feel love through gift-giving. Giving flowers, clothes, a favorite treat, or a handmade item is one way people demonstrate that they are thinking about you.

Another way to express love is to do something kind or helpful for another person. By doing a chore or making a meal for your loved one, you can show them that they are important to you.

Spending quality time together is also an expression of love. When a person gives you their undivided attention, or makes time to take a walk or do another activity together, they are expressing that you are a priority in their life.

Love can be expressed through physical affection. Holding hands, giving a back rub, embracing, or kissing are often used to express love and attachment.

Some people feel and demonstrate love through words. Giving compliments and encouragement, saying “I love you,” and leaving notes of affection and appreciation are all ways of letting people know how much they mean to you.

If you and your partner have different ways of expressing and feeling love, it can lead to misunderstanding and frustration in your relationship—but it doesn’t have to. Most couples do love each other and want their partner to feel that love. Understanding how the other person shows and feels affection, and being willing to express your feelings in the way they best receive them, can help both of you to feel loved and fulfilled in your relationship.

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30 Romantic Ways To Express Your Love Through Words & Actions

We all love and deeply care about our partners but often wonder how to express our love in a relationship. Don’t wait around for special occasions such as birthdays and anniversaries. True love can only be expressed in an extraordinary way when it is said on an ordinary day. 

While the people in our lives know that we love them and care for them, it is always great to be told, in minor ways, that they are taken care of. 

While saying the words “I love you” literally is one act of showing love, a few words and actions here and there throughout the day can also show someone how much you love them and think about them.

How do you express your feelings to someone you love?

Expressing love to our loved ones is almost as important as receiving it. When we express our love for our loved ones, it makes them and us feel happy. Think about how happy it makes you feel when you find out someone loves you . 

People in your life deserve to feel the same way. It also motivates them to do the same for you. Expressing love is also a way to let your loved ones know that you are committed, loyal to them, and care about them. 

You may think it is not easy to express your love to people in your life, but it is straightforward – if you love someone, show it.

Not just love; it is important to express your feelings generally. Watch this video to understand it better.

Which brings us to the question, “How to express your love to someone?”

30 ways to show your love for someone

Here are some ideas about romantic ways to know how to express your love for someone – be it your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife. Some can also be used to express your love through words and actions to your family members, including mom, dad, son, daughter, brother, or sister.

According to Licensed psychologist  Silvana Mici :

When coming to your partner, you need to realize that actions are more valuable than words. Sometimes, even a small but detailed surprise can create a meaningful and romantic situation.

There is no best way to express love. From the smallest words to enormous expressions of love through gestures , almost anything can be used to express your love for your loved ones.

1. Randomly timed text messages

Everyone seems to be in the habit of expressing love to their loved ones in text messages timed to cliché perfection. 

For instance, a girlfriend may be used to flirting with her boyfriend by text message and saying I Love You to him at bedtime, while kids are used to expressing their love for their dads just on Father’s Day or on their birthdays.

One of the beautifully romantic ways to say ‘I love you’ is by sending an ordinary love-filled text message at a random time. Don’t wait for bedtime, anniversaries, and birthdays. This is one of the smallest but meaningful ways of expressing love to someone.

2. Love messages on sticky notes

If you have been looking for an idea of expressing love to someone through something small, cute love notes may do the trick. Sticky notes have more essential applications that span beyond reminders, phone numbers, and other work-related uses. 

Sticky notes or Post-in notes are unassumingly flirty, warm, surprising, and delightful when it comes to finding simple yet unique ways to express your love.

A husband can stick a romantic love note on a Post-it on his wife’s car window, while a wife can leave a flirty sticky note in her husband’s briefcase. 

A girlfriend can draw a big wink and a flirty kiss on a note to stick on the back of her boyfriend’s iPhone, while a boyfriend can stick a Post-it on his girlfriend’s backpack.

3. Expressing love with everyday gifting

The whole concept of gifting has been blown out of proportion in popular culture. Every gift does not need to be worth hundreds or thousands of dollars. If you are wondering how to express your love to someone, gifting may be a great idea.

People who love each other need to start embracing the idea of everyday gifting, and one of the easiest ways to do that is to look out for a not-so-expensive present.

Another fantastic way to show someone you love them is by giving them a small gift every once in a while. 

It can be something as silly as a candy bar, something as romantic as a single rose, or even something as geeky as a cute flash drive for a tech-loving boyfriend. 

You will be amazed at the range of gifting options you have for even less than twenty dollars.

Cheap gifting ideas to express your love

• Cheap imitation jewelry pieces
• Cute stationery items
• Fashion accessories
• Food items like chocolates, cupcakes
• Flowers, real or fake
• Paid app downloads
• Bath and beauty products
• Glassware, drinkware accessories, or single cutlery pieces
• Cell phone accessories
• Magazine subscriptions
• Video game downloads
• Showpieces, bedside table pieces
• Photo frames
• Books or e-books

4. Handmade cards

The notion of writing an I Love You message on a card that is bought off a store shelf is highly overrated. 

The routine of going to the store, browsing through various categories of greeting cards, choosing the one you like, and finally writing a message on it has a distinctly formal vibe. Such elaborate expressions are best left for anniversaries and birthdays.

Special occasions come only a couple of times every year, but you will need to express your love all year round. It is a myth that you need to be creative to make a handmade card. All you need is a blank piece of paper and a few colored pens.

Draw smiley faces, write some of the reasons why you fell in love, tell that person how beautiful or handsome they are, write something funny, or you can even write a love-filled poem. 

Your loved one will not score your card out of ten but, instead, will be smitten by the fact that you made an effort to express your love.

5. Nothing but hugs: Long and tight hugs at random moments

A long hug is a powerful expression of love and care. It has the power to soothe tense nerves, calm rising tempers, ease worried minds and communicate what words cannot. Ask anyone how they would feel if their partner greeted them with a long five-minute hug. 

Hugging someone randomly and holding on tightly to them will instantly make them feel loved. This tender moment will convey your love, and you won’t even have to speak a single word or emote a single expression. 

All you need to do is stand, hold your arms out, and embrace your loved one tightly. Hugs are one of the most underrated ways of how to express your love.

6. Love letters or long romantic emails

Their medium and form may have changed, but love letters are not out of vogue. The magic of a handwritten letter is irreplaceable, but you can choose to write an email if writing love letters by hand does not appeal to you.

Writing by itself is considered to be very therapeutic. Reading, on the other hand, is highly pleasurable. Writing a love letter or typing out a long romantic email will give you the chance to vent and pour out all your feelings. It is one of the most eloquent ways of how to express your love.

Your loved one will get a chance to sit on the couch with a warm beverage and enjoy the feeling of smiling when no one else is in the room as they read your love letter.

7. Wear a matching jewelry piece

Matching jewelry pieces can become a constant reminder of your love. They can include bracelets, pendants, and even rings.

Rings are often a popular choice for matching jewelry pieces. Pendants are also a good option because they will remain hidden under shirts and t-shirts.

8. Intimacy: Expressing love by physical intimacy

Physical intimacy has always remained a core and essential form of human expression in love. Intimacy is a passionate way to express love in a romantic relationship.

Couples should use physical intimacy as a way of expressing love for each other.

9. Expensive gifts to express love on special occasions

The primary purpose of expressing love daily is to convey feelings. But the act of expressing love on special occasions like milestone birthdays and relationship anniversaries could be a tangible acknowledgment of love.

Celebrate your love on such special occasions as birthdays or wedding anniversaries by buying expensive gifts . Suit your budget and pick from a wide range of expensive gifting ideas.

• Designer clothing
• High-end fashion accessories
• Top brand fragrances
• Gadget and cell phones
• iPad, iPhone, iPod
• Household appliances
• Medium to high-end jewelry pieces
• Expensive watches
• High-value gift cards
• Luxurious beauty products

10. Cuddling endlessly: Long and silent cuddles

Take a nap on Sunday afternoon by cuddling with your loved one on the couch. You and your loved one will wake up to the sight of each other’s sun-kissed faces.

Try this once, and you will realize that this silent form of expressing love and togetherness is more precious than any other feeling in the world.

If you are looking for the best ideas for expressing love to your partner, cuddling whenever you find the time will make them feel very loved.

11. Understand them

We all want someone who can understand us better than us.

Someone who can read our eyes and listen to our silence. It’s pretty challenging to find the ‘one’ with such compatibility. Nonetheless, if you’ve spent quite a reasonable amount of time together, you already understand your partner .

It’s about time you let them know that and express love. It gives a sense of satisfaction to your partner when they see no matter what, you will always understand them. 

12. Listen to them

Wondering how to express your love to your partner?

Express your love through listening. Offer them your ears. In love or relationships, it is never about one person. It is always the two of you. You would want your partner to listen to you, and they also wish for the same. They may have a lot to say and share with you.

No matter how busy or occupied you are, if you spend some time just listening to what they have to say, things will be okay and great. If you are wondering how to show love, just listening to them can help.

13. Be affectionate

We all are humans, and we do respond well to affection and emotion.

When you show affection to your partner at the end of either a challenging or just a typical day, you uplift their mood. Be affectionate to them and let them know that you stand by them. This is one of the most lucid ways to show love. 

14. Stand with them in good and in bad

How to show someone you love them? 

To love your partner means to be with them in good and wrong. Being there for them when they need you is one of the most important ways to prove you love someone. 

Related Reading: Being There for Your Spouse in Times of Need

15. Comfortable life

When you’re in love, all you want to do is to provide comfort to your partner. This could be from listening to their wishes and trying to fulfill them as much as you can. Offering them a good lifestyle and taking care of their needs is one of the answers to how to express your love. 

Each individual may have different ways to show love, and for some, providing the best for their loved ones may be it.

16. Spend quality time

Apart from offering tangible or materialistic comfort, it would be best to give them intangible happiness by spending some quality time with them .

Not spending enough time is one of the significant reasons relationships may not work out. It is understood that life can be busy with a lot of work and other commitments, and you might not spend a lot of time with them.

However, whenever you get time, or you’re with them, be with them. Don’t take any work calls or check your work emails. Go out on a romantic date now and then. Just spend time watching a favorite movie on a Sunday afternoon. 

Just being there is one of the best ways to express your love for someone.

17. Share your secrets

It’s not easy to trust someone, and when you do, don’t hide it. If you want to show someone you love them, start with the language of trust.

It’s a known fact that you would share your secrets with someone you deeply love and trust. It might not be easy to share secrets incredibly quickly, but do it when you’re comfortable. This gesture will show that you genuinely love your partner and trust them with your life. This openness is one of the romantic ways to express love. 

18. Mutual respect of opinion

Just because you both are in love doesn’t mean that you should agree to each and everything in the world. However, one of the actions that show love is mutual respect for opinions. 

There may be disagreements and arguments, but you must not let them harm your love for each other. So, when you’re saying you love them, show it through this gesture as well. 

19. Learn the art of forgiveness

How to express your love? Learn the art of forgiveness .

It’s easy to say but difficult to act on. No human is perfect. We all make mistakes, big or small. However, if you’re genuinely in love with your partner, you should learn to forgive their mistakes. If you want to point out one of the most important things to do for someone you love, let the mistakes go and learn to move on. 

20. Do some chores

Taking the load off your loved ones is one of the best ways to let someone know you love them. Do the dishes after they have finished cooking, fold the laundry for them – and it will show them you love them.

21. Cook their favorite meal

If you are looking for creative ways to show someone you love them, this may be the best idea. Food is a great way to express love. If your partner or family member likes a particular food, you could cook it for them to make them feel extra special and loved.

22. A spontaneous date

You may wonder how to express your love to your girlfriend or boyfriend. One way to show love through actions is a date which is always a great idea to express love. 

It gives you some time to spend together and do something special together. Take your partner on a spontaneous date to do something exciting, and they will feel loved and appreciated.

23. Give them undivided attention

How to act in love can be a difficult question to answer. However, if there is one thing that you must do for someone you love, it is to make them feel like an essential part of your life.

It is vital to spend time with your partner, but it is even more important to give them undivided attention. Put your phone away, sit with them, and have a good conversation . It means a lot to people, especially in today’s age when people are constantly distracted.

24. Understand their needs 

One of the most important ways to show affection is understanding. Understanding your partner’s needs and wants and considering them is a great way to express your love to them. From the smallest to the most extensive needs, knowing what they want from you or the relationship can make them feel valued.

25. Be their cheerleader

Words of encouragement are a great way to express your love for your loved ones. Affirmations can mean a lot to people, especially when they come from people they love when they need it the most.

26. Ask for their advice, and appreciate it

People like to be included in decisions, and that makes them feel loved and valued. If you want to make sure your partner feels loved, ask for their advice on important matters. 

Even when you think they know little about the subject, you could explain it to them, and they will appreciate the effort you put into it. Genuinely consider their advice and show love through appreciation for their help. 

27. Kiss them

A kiss is as simple as it gets but can mean a lot. Kiss them every chance you get, and even on the most unexpected occasions, it will make them feel the most loved. If you are looking for ways to show 

love to your girlfriend or boyfriend, something as simple as kissing them unexpectedly can help.

28. Look after them when they are ill

‘In sickness and in health’ – is a promise many people make to each other. Taking care of people you love when they are not doing their best physically or mentally is essential and shows how much you care for them and love them.

29. Compliment them

Simple, sweet, and genuine compliments can mean a lot. If you want to express your love to someone, tell them they look nice or you appreciate them, and they will feel loved by you. If you are looking for ways to show love to your boyfriend, girlfriend, or significant other, complimenting them can make them feel special.

30. Keep the romance alive

People start wondering if their partner even loves them, especially when they have been together for a long time. It is vital to keep the romance alive , even when it is the smallest of gestures. 

Bring them a flower on your way back home from work, write them a letter, or text them a thank you for the lunch they packed you. It will make them feel loved and appreciated. 

Actions speak louder than words

We have heard people say this all the time – that actions speak louder than words. While saying I love you to your loved ones comes naturally to us, and we may say it a few times, it is also important to make sure our actions speak the same thing.

As licensed psychologist Silvana Mici explains:

It is important to realize your partner’s character to make gestures that would be romantic to them. Remember that expressing love is a continuous process that requires effort, thoughtfulness, and intentionality. By incorporating a combination of words and actions into your relationship, you can nurture a deep and lasting connection with your partner.

Small gestures like the ones mentioned above go a long way in showing your partner what they mean to you. Make sure you express your love and feelings in your love language to make them feel appreciated and valued.

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Teri Bailey is a copywriter, working for the professional writing company essay4students.com . He is inspiring mentor and marketer. Teri is interested in marketing and reading detectives.  During his free time, he is baking for family and Read more playing with his dog Jack. Read less

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Biden Loves Ireland. It Doesn’t Love Him Back.

By Una Mullally

Ms. Mullally, a columnist for The Irish Times, wrote from Dublin.

If there’s one thing Irish people know about President Biden, it’s that he’s one of us. He says so all the time. “Remember,” he recalls his grandfather saying, “the best drop of blood in you is Irish.” He has a habit of quoting the poet Seamus Heaney and never lets an opportunity to recall his origins go to waste. His Secret Service code name, tellingly, is Celtic.

So when he visited Ireland last year, it felt like a homecoming. “Today you are amongst friends because you are one of us,” the speaker of Parliament announced before Mr. Biden addressed Irish lawmakers. If the trip took on the sheen of a wealthy Irish American searching for his roots, a constant of Irish tourism, it also cemented the bond between him and the country. When Mr. Biden referred to the Irish rugby team beating “the Black and Tans” — the notoriously brutal 1920s police force — as opposed to the All Blacks, as New Zealand’s rugby team is known, the gaffe became an instant, affectionate meme .

By the end of the trip, it was official: Mr. Biden loves Ireland, and Ireland loves Mr. Biden. But last October changed everything. After Hamas’s attacks, the Israeli bombardment of Gaza appalled the Irish. Mr. Biden, as the leader of Israel’s closest ally and chief military supplier, was seen to be enabling the devastation. That complicity has damaged both his reputation and his relationship with the Irish people, perhaps irreparably. His ancestral homeland no longer loves him back.

Ireland has long and emotional links to Palestinians, something the world has become steadily more aware of in recent months. The Irish government, for its part, unequivocally condemns the Oct. 7 Hamas attacks and repeatedly calls for the release of Israeli hostages. But it also urges restraint in Israel’s response, making multiple interventions at the European Union level and consistently calling for a cease-fire and a political solution to the carnage. Ireland knows all about cease-fires and peace building, after all.

On this matter, Ireland is something of an outlier in Europe. In a January poll , 71 percent of respondents in Ireland said they believed Palestinians lived under an Israeli apartheid system; in another poll in February, 79 percent said they believed Israel was committing genocide. By contrast, no more than 27 percent of people in seven Western European countries said they sympathized more with Palestinians than with Israelis. Here in Britain’s first colony — a status cast off through a war of independence — empathy for Palestinians is deeply rooted, born of shared historical experience.

This feeling has given rise to an extraordinary wave of pro-Palestinian actions in Ireland since the war began. The array of protests — countless concerts, fund-raisers and demonstrations calling for a cease-fire and an end to the bombardment of Gaza — goes far beyond any fringe concern. Protests in Ireland are large and spread across the country, with attendees diverse in age, class, ethnicity and political affiliation. They bring together trade unionists, Gaelic football players, journalists, ordinary citizens young and old, politicians, health care workers, L.G.B.T.Q. people and many more. It is a truly national phenomenon.

Around the world, chants at pro-Palestinian demonstrations are pretty similar. But over the winter, a specific chant took hold on Irish streets. Though St. Patrick’s Day was months away, protesters looked to the annual meeting in Washington between the Irish prime minister, or taoiseach, and the American president. At the Oval Office every March 17, the Irish leader presents to the American president a bowl of shamrock. The chant, taking notice of this tradition, was bracingly simple: “No shamrocks for Genocide Joe.”

It caught on, becoming the aural centerpiece of protests across the country, especially at the largest demonstrations on Saturdays in Dublin’s city center. It was transformed with a slight modification into a mural in Belfast, a city where Palestinian flags have long flown in nationalist communities; was spray-painted along tram tracks in Dublin; and took hold on social media, where people drew black shamrocks on the palms of their hands. Such agitation coalesced around the demand that the prime minister, Leo Varadkar, boycott this year’s White House visit.

Along with that demand, Mr. Biden became the focus of Irish ire. At protests he was rebuked by public figures, not least Bernadette Devlin McAliskey , a hero of the 1960s civil rights movement in the north of Ireland. In the press, commentators lined up to pass judgment on the American president, including the acclaimed novelist Sally Rooney , who characterized the assault on Gaza as “Biden’s war.” The criticism, at times, has been intimate. In County Louth, where Mr. Biden’s great-grandfather James Finnegan was born, a group of people gathered at a graveyard to castigate the president for betraying his roots.

The disapproval has cut through. While half of Irish voters would still rather Mr. Biden win re-election over Donald Trump, nearly a third would like to see neither man win the presidency. An open letter revoking “symbolic support” for his 2024 election campaign has been signed by 20,000 people. Given 80 percent of Irish people backed Mr. Biden in 2020 and his victory was widely welcomed, it is a startling decline in esteem for our emigrant son.

As calls to boycott the White House meeting and shamrock presentation grew, Mr. Varadkar’s own criticism of the war in Gaza became more robust. He spoke about the “hope” a cease-fire could bring and “believing in our shared humanity.” But he was never going to skip the trip. Strong relations with the United States are central to Ireland’s economic and foreign policy, after all. Even so, Irish people’s expectations for the visit, which offered an opportunity to impress on Mr. Biden their views, were high.

Mr. Varadkar did his best to relay the message. “Mr. President, as you know, the Irish people are deeply troubled about the catastrophe that’s unfolding before our eyes in Gaza,” he said at the shamrock presentation. “Leaders often ask me why the Irish have so much empathy for the Palestinian people. The answer is simple: We see our history in their eyes.”

This stirring speech turned out to be one of his final acts in office. Mr. Varadkar, worn out by the job, announced his resignation last week. Coming within a year of the next elections, the decision was certainly a surprise. But it did little to dampen the defiant mood in Ireland.

Mr. Biden often cites Mr. Heaney’s “The Cure at Troy.” “History says don’t hope/On this side of the grave,” the poem runs. “But then, once in a lifetime/The longed-for tidal wave/Of justice can rise up,/And hope and history rhyme.” As Irish people look across the Atlantic to Ireland’s great-grandson, many are waiting for that rhyme to land.

Una Mullally ( @UnaMullally ) is a columnist for The Irish Times.

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Heisman Trophy winner Caleb Williams addresses his controversial pink-painted nails and lipgloss

“It's just another way of expression,” said USC star quarterback Caleb Williams. 

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When Caleb Williams was caught dancing to Earth, Wind, and Fire during a recent USC basketball game, the world got a glimpse of his latest manicure: pink nails. He also wore lipgloss and had a pink phone case for the occasion.

While this is not the first time the USC star quarterback has lacquered his nails, this time, he began receiving backlash on social media. 

In a video posted to X , the Heisman Trophy winner, along with USC’s assistant athletic director Gavin Morris, addressed the haters head-on. 

“It’s been a long week for you,” Morris teased. “Let’s see what that phone look like; what the phone look like?” 

The expected No. 1 NFL draft pick responded, “The wallet’s white, the phone is pink, the case is clear.”

As for his nails, he added, holding up his hands, “Nails are clear.”

Then, leaning into the camera, Williams offered a quick retort to anyone hating on his style.

“Lips are pink — your girl love ‘em!” he quipped as Morris laughed.

When it comes to his nails, Williams, a Washington, D.C., native and the son of a former nail technician who used to paint his nails, has become known for buzzworthy game day manicures that often throw shade at his team’s opponent. 

While speaking to People magazine in August, Williams opened up about his penchant for painting his nails. 

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“I think the nails thing kind of took everybody by surprise,” he told the publication. “I’ve been doing it before college, but it took everybody by surprise, just because you don’t always see male athletes who play football paint their nails. But I think it’s just another way of expression.”

Considering how his game day manicures often feature explicit messages for his opponents , he added that he was going to be toning it down. 

“I’ve had a few talks with my coaches. But I’m gonna keep doing it and express myself,” he said.

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