fear of being judged essay

Fear of judgement: why we are afraid of being judged

Dr. Hannah Rose

If you have ever worried that poor performance in an evaluation will lead to a friend or colleague developing a negative opinion of you, then you are not alone. Fear of judgement by others is common.

Athletes may fear judgement if they do not win a race, students may dread the disappointment of others upon failing an exam, and professionals may worry that a work project will be criticised.

Psychologists refer to these feelings as a “fear of negative evaluation.” Let’s have a look at why we worry about what others think of us, and how we can better manage our fear of being judged. 

A fear of negative evaluation

In evolutionary terms, a fear of judgement makes sense as relating to the need to survive in society. For our ancestors, being evaluated favourably, rather than judged for any shortcomings, would have meant a higher chance of survival. Think about it: even today, success at work propagates a career, whereas poor performance may put you at risk of redundancy or loss of income.

It turns out, this fear of judgement can actually be measured. In their seminal study , David Watson and Ronald Friend developed the Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale (FNE) to assess levels of social anxiety. Watson and Friend’s FNE assessment requires a participant to answer “true” or “false” to thirty statements. The total score indicates whether someone is mostly relaxed, has some fear of evaluative situations, or is generally fearful of what others think of them. 

Questions in the FNE scale include:

• I often worry that people who are important to me won’t think very much of me.
• I worry about what people will think of me even when I know it doesn’t make any difference.
• I feel very upset when I commit some social error.
• If someone is evaluating me, I tend to expect the worst.
• I worry a lot about what my superiors think of me.

In 1983, a brief version of the FNE assessment — aptly called the “Brief FNE” — was created by Mark Leary, Professor of Psychology and Neuroscience at Duke University. Featuring just twelve statements, it offers a more succinct way to measure social anxiety. As with the original FNE scale, higher overall score indicates that you are more fearful of others judging your ability or performance.

Knowing where you lie on the scale is helpful, as your score can indicate how well you are able to judge your own talent. For instance, researchers reported that a high FNE score was more likely to lead an individual to perceive their attempt at public speaking as poor.

Feeling fearful of negative evaluation by others causes a speaker to focus on their awkward appearance or the number of long gaps in their speech. Positive aspects of the performance, such as appearing confident or self-assured, were more commonly overlooked by this group. Understanding that a high FNE may cause internal negative bias can therefore be helpful in assuaging any doubts you might have about your ability.

Furthermore, psychologists have found that having a high FNE score can negatively affect your performance. In 2012, Christopher Mesagnoa, Jack Harveya, and Christopher Janelle conducted a study with experienced basketball players. They found that players who scored highly on the Brief FNE questionnaire displayed increased anxiety that translated into a significant decrease in performance in a high-pressure shooting situation. The researchers concluded that the fear of performing badly can unfortunately increase the chance of poor performance. 

In 2015, psychologists in India reported that students were likely to perform worse when fear of negative evaluation or high levels of anxiety were present. Poor presentation was then noted to cause observers to develop negative feelings towards the performer, worsening their feelings of rejection. This instigated a vicious cycle of worsening anxiety and performance. Crucially, the study notes that it is possible to break this cycle if subjects can develop methods to improve their outward social performance.

Overcoming fear of judgement

As fear of negative evaluation can worsen your performance, it is important to find ways to manage your anxiety of being judged.

1. Find out about yourself

The first step in overcoming fear of judgement is to find out more about yourself. Fear is a human emotion designed to protect us from harm, but once it starts having a detrimental effect on your performance, you need to take control. Acknowledge that you might have some anxiety, and find out where you are on the FNE scale. If you have an average or high score, chances are you have some fear or apprehension about evaluative situations and how others perceive you as a result.

2. Write affirmations

If the FNE has confirmed that you have some fear of judgement, it is time to work on cultivating positivity. Research suggests that Writing affirmations can help to restore self-confidence and feelings of self-worth. By recognising your own qualities, you may be better placed to relieve anxieties about what others think of you. If you are confident in yourself, your abilities, and your performance, what others think is far less likely to matter.

3. Turn down fear

Once you have your affirmations in place, try to let go of memories of previous social judgement. If you still feel shame about an incorrect or poorly perceived contribution to a team meeting, it is time to stop dwelling on it. The remark might be holding you back, but it is likely that everyone else forgot about it months ago. Move on, and try to start afresh so that the past no longer affects your future.

4. Start saying yes

If anxiety has been holding you back, it will not improve if you continue to avoid anxiety-provoking situations. Agree to introduce a guest speaker, give a new colleague a tour of the office, or enrol on a professional qualification course. Start small, and as your experiences grow, so will your confidence. 

5. Get it over with

Waiting to give a presentation can be excruciating. The study of students in India found that although anxiety was high before and during a speech, this emotion often faded as soon as the speech ended. Offering to present first means you will feel anxious for the shortest time possible.

6. Perform with confidence

As we saw earlier, if your FNE is high, your presentation skills are likely to be better than you give yourself credit for. If you can ignore your inner critic so that your performance is not affected, others are more likely to perceive your presentation positively, breaking the cycle of poor performance. Use your affirmations to solidify your personal belief that you know what you are doing, and are capable of succeeding. Trust in your abilities, and your audience will, too. 

7. Make a personal investment

Investing in yourself is key to minimising your fear of judgement. Take a public speaking course, meet with a career coach, or sign up for a gym membership. Think about what will make you feel better about yourself to instil confidence and belief in your talents. For example, undergoing a course of CBT with a therapist has been shown to be particularly helpful in reducing social anxiety which may in turn reduce your fear of being evaluated negatively.

Fear of judgement is common, but it can make you doubt your ability and worsen your performance. Self-assessment of your social anxiety levels using the FNE scale will help you to understand how significantly that fear of negative evaluation is affecting your personal and professional life. Work on building self-belief, and try to nurture your self-confidence. Even though you might feel anxious, it is likely that you are performing more successfully than you think you are.

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15 Truths To Help You Overcome Your Fear Of Being Judged

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Do you live in fear of judgment?

Do you constantly worry what other people think about you?

Does this fear and anxiety negatively impact how you live your life?

If so, we’ve got some truths coming your way that will drive that fear out.

The more you can confront the thoughts you have, the less those thoughts will pop into your head, and the less influence they’ll have over your life.

Are you ready?

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you overcome your fear of being judged. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

1. You are enough.

You’ve probably heard this before, but have you actually stopped to think about what it means?

You – the person you are today, the person you were yesterday, and the person you’ll be tomorrow – are not lacking anything.

You are not deficient, not broken, and not incomplete.

You are enough.

Sure, you have flaws (and we’ll get to those), but these do not make you less than anyone else.

“I am enough.” – say this to yourself when you wake up every morning, and anytime you feel that fear of judgment rising inside of you.

2. You are way harder on yourself than others will be.

Listen, we get it, there are parts of yourself that you don’t particularly like.

Everybody feels the same.

But no matter how you think others will judge you, you have already judged yourself way harder.

If you realize this, it can be quite liberating.

There really isn’t anything anyone can say that you haven’t already said to yourself.

3. Judgments by people you don’t know are irrelevant.

Are you concerned with what strangers think about you?

Just stop for a second and ask yourself why.

You’re never going to interact with these people. They may look at you walking down the street or sitting across from you on the subway… but that’s where it ends.

They walk past, you get off the train, and Poof! they disappear from your life.

What they may or may not have thought about you has absolutely zero influence over your life because they are no longer in it.

4. Judgments by people you’ve just met are temporary.

We all judge other people when we first meet them .

It’s a shame, really, but it’s also a natural response.

What a person looks like, what they sound like when introducing themselves, how firm or floppy their handshake is – we make instantaneous judgments based on first impressions.

But first impressions don’t last. As important as they are made out to be, it’s what comes after that matters most.

And as people get to know you, it’s highly likely that any negative initial perceptions they had will soften and disappear.

Most people are inclined to like others rather than dislike them. It’s just easier that way.

So, however you think they might have judged you in the beginning, they are now looking for things to like about you – of which there is plenty, no doubt.

5. Judgments don’t always influence how a person interacts with you.

Even if someone does maintain a particular judgment about you, it doesn’t always make a difference to how they treat you.

We can have these thoughts about others and yet maintain a perfectly good relationship with them.

We may even really like them, in spite of our judgments.

So your fear of being judged needn’t always extend to a fear of how you will then be treated.

They are two different things.

6. Judgments can be positive too.

Have you ever stopped to think that people might be judging you positively?

Yes, judgment is not inherently negative. We just assume that when someone judges us, they are pinpointing something they don’t like about us.

In reality, many of the judgments we make are about things we do like in a person.

We admire their determination, we find them attractive, we are in awe at how well they can work a room.

You may not think so, but you have plenty of traits that others think highly of.

Don’t allow your fear of being negatively judged prevent you from being open to positive judgments.

7. People will judge you one way or another.

Those people who can’t help but judge others – they’ll find a way to judge you whatever you do.

So here’s the question you have to ask yourself: would you prefer to be judged for being your true self, or the self you try to project to the world?

The answer should be easy.

Why would you want to be judged for something that isn’t really you?

You wouldn’t, right?

If you’re going to be judged, you might as well show the world who you really are, and to hell with what they think.

It’s a darn sight easier to be yourself , after all.

8. A person’s judgment is a reflection of their own insecurities.

When someone judges you, it’s important to recognize where that judgment comes from.

In truth, their judgment of you is merely a reflection of something they dislike about themselves.

It might not be the exact thing that they are judging you for, but there’s a niggling insecurity somewhere beneath the surface that’s infiltrating their thoughts.

They have a pain point and it causes them to seek out the pain points in others so that they can feel less alone in their hurt.

Oftentimes, if you are yourself, people will judge you because they are jealous. They wish they could be their authentic self, but their own fear of judgment prevents them from showing it.

9. Most people are too busy fighting their own battles to care.

Life is hard and people are often consumed by the challenges they face in their lives.

Any judgments they may make about you are no more than passing thoughts before their mind returns to the things that truly trouble them.

Just ask yourself when the last time was that you spent any great length of time thinking nasty, judgmental thoughts about someone – outside of your close personal relationships, perhaps (people have fights, after all).

The little judgments we make mean so little to us in the grand scheme of our days.

They float away in our thought streams and pass out of sight.

Why fear these fleeting and insignificant thoughts of others?

In truth, it’s you who holds onto these judgments far longer than anyone else.

10. Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.

The above words were spoken by Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones.

They contain a very important message and a lesson we all need to learn.

Yes, we are flawed creatures. No one is perfect. Those who project a perfect facade have just as many cracks and blemishes under the surface.

But when you truly come to terms with those flaws, no one can make you feel bad by attacking them.

You have already accepted that they are a part of you (at least, right now – personal growth should not be ignored).

A person’s judgments – even their harsh words – will fall on deaf ears because you are at peace with the things they seek to target.

11. Just block the haters.

If there is someone who really wishes to hurt you by attacking you, the best thing you can do is to block them.

Remove them from your life in any way you can.

Remove them from your social media.

Refuse to engage with them in person.

Avoid seeing them altogether if you can.

Haters gonna hate – let them. That’s their pain talking, so don’t listen.

12. Humiliation and ridicule are rare.

If you fear being judged, you probably fear being humiliated or ridiculed too.

Truth is, it is highly unlikely that anything you do will result in these things.

You fear the moment when all eyes turn to you as you do something excruciatingly embarrassing.

That moment is not coming. It’s just a part of your imagination.

It’s such a rarity that it’s not worth getting worried about. Do you walk out the house and worry about getting struck by lightning? Because that is probably more likely.

13. The approval of others won’t make you truly happy or peaceful.

The opposite side of the coin to fearing judgment is seeking approval.

We don’t want to be judged – we want others to approve of us and validate our existence .

We want to feel worthy of being liked and loved.

But here’s the kicker: that approval you seek won’t bring you the happiness or inner peace you seek.

That can only come from within. No one can say or do anything to impart lasting happiness and contentment on you.

This is especially true if what is being approved of isn’t the real you anyway.

14. If you can stop judging others, you’ll stop fearing judgment.

Maybe you are so concerned about the negative judgments of others because are often the source of similar judgment.

If you look at people and see the worst in them, you’ll worry that the worst is what people are seeing in you.

If all you see is the flaws in a person, you’ll worry that your flaws are all others see in you.

So to break free from your fear of being judged, you must try to kick the habit of judging others.

Every time a judgmental thought creeps into your mind, challenge it by looking for something positive about the person in question.

If you can reduce the judgments you have about others, you’ll worry less about what other people might be thinking about you.

15. If you can stop judging yourself, you’ll stop fearing judgment.

The source of your fear is inside of you.

You see your flaws and you judge yourself harshly for them.

But this internal monologue extends into your interactions with the world.

You judge yourself and you expect that others must be judging you too.

Thus, by subduing your need to judge yourself, you’ll stop believing that others are judging you as well.

Again, it comes down to challenging your thoughts as they arise in your mind.

When a self-judgment springs up, provide a counter argument by focusing on something you like about yourself.

This will help to break the habit of self-loathing thoughts and thus overcome the fear you have of being judged by others.

Still not sure how to stop feeling judged by others? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist about it. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to explore your fear of judgment and provide tools and careful guidance so that you can overcome it.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Here’s that link again if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

You may also like:

• How To Be Less Judgmental And Stop Judging People (And Yourself) So Harshly
• 11 Signs You’re Being Too Hard On Yourself (And 11 Ways To Stop)
• How To Be Comfortable In Your Own Skin: 17 No Nonsense Tips!
• How To Not Care What People Think

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About The Author

Steve Phillips-Waller is the founder and editor of A Conscious Rethink. He has written extensively on the topics of life, relationships, and mental health for more than 8 years.

Fear of Judgement: Break Free and Stop Being Afraid of Others

About the Author

Bayu Prihandito is the founder of Life Architekture , a Certified Psychology Consultant and Life Coach for Men . Bayu empowers his clients to navigate life's challenges with clarity, confidence, fulfillment, and true meaning. His expertise has been featured in CNN, Fortune, Vice, Daily Mail, Metro, Cosmopolitan and many more.

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Table of Contents

Understanding fear of judgement, fear and anxiety in social settings, understanding the fear of negative evaluation scale (fne), judging and being judged, practical steps to overcome fear of judgement, final thoughts, frequently asked questions, key takeaways.

• Fear of judgement, often stemming from early life experiences, can limit us from expressing ourselves authentically and pursuing our true passions.
• Understanding the source of this fear, its social amplifiers, and its impact on our decision-making processes is crucial to overcoming it.
• Practical steps like fostering self-awareness, building resilience, and engaging in regular reflection can help mitigate this fear, enabling us to live more fulfilling lives.

The Fear of Judgement , that nagging feeling in your mind when you're about to make a decision or take an action, is a feeling most of us are familiar with. This fear, often seen as an invisible force, guides our actions, work and decisions, shaping the way we present ourselves to the world. Often, it limits us from being who we truly are and from expressing our unique traits.

The fear of judgement, also known as " social anxiety ", is more than just a personal quirk. It's a universal phenomenon, deeply rooted in our psychology and, for some, can become a debilitating condition.

Origins of Fear

Our ancestors needed the group's approval to survive in the primitive era. They relied on their social bonds for resources and protection. If they were rejected or judged by the group, their survival would be at risk. This is why, even today, our brains are wired to seek approval and fear judgement. The idea of being judged negatively by others triggers our survival instinct, creating a fear response .

While this fear had a practical use in a primitive context, it's no longer as relevant in our modern society. We no longer depend on a small tribe for our survival. Yet, the fear of judgement persists, deeply ingrained in our psyche.

Consequences of Fear of Judgement

Living in constant fear of judgement can be exhausting. It can restrict our actions, limit our potential, and lead to missed opportunities. Some of the key consequences include:

• Inauthenticity : The fear of judgement often leads us to hide our true selves. We might put on a facade or act differently to fit in, thus leading to a life of inauthenticity.
• Reduced Self-Esteem : Constant worry about how others perceive us can erode our erode our self-esteem , making us doubt our worth.
• Missed Opportunities : We may hold back from taking risks or pursuing opportunities because of the fear of judgement.

In the long term, fear of judgement can lead to feelings of isolation, depression , and anxiety . Hence, it's essential to confront this fear and find ways to overcome it.

Fear of judgement doesn't operate in a vacuum; it is often heightened in social settings. It manifests in various forms of social anxiety, from the fear of public speaking to the fear of interacting with a group. This fear can stem from past negative experiences, heightened sensitivity to others' reactions, or a general predisposition to anxiety.

The Role of Others in Amplifying Fear

The presence of others can significantly amplify our fear of judgement. This is due to a concept known as social amplification . When we believe we are being observed, our fear response can intensify. We become hyperaware of our actions and obsess over possible mistakes. The imagined scrutiny, whether real or not, heightens our sense of vulnerability and exacerbates our fear.

This heightened fear can then lead to overcompensation - over-preparing for tasks, avoiding social situations, or withdrawing from social interaction. Ironically, this avoidance can, in turn, lead to more fear and anxiety.

Group Dynamics and Fear

In group settings, fear of judgement can become even more pronounced due to group dynamics. The fear of being judged negatively by the group can lead to conformity, where individuals suppress their unique perspectives or ideas to fit in with the group consensus[^5^]. This can limit creativity and innovation in a group setting.

In addition, fear of judgement can lead to social comparison, where individuals constantly compare themselves to others in the group, leading to feelings of inadequacy and increased fear.

What is the Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale (FNE)?

In the world of psychology, various scales and assessments help identify, quantify, and measure specific emotional states and fears. The Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale (FNE) is one such tool. Developed by Watson and Friend in 1969, this instrument aims to measure social anxiety, or more specifically, apprehension about others' evaluations, distress over negative evaluations, avoidance of evaluative situations, and the expectation that people would evaluate oneself negatively.

The FNE is a 30-item questionnaire with responses captured on a 5-point Likert scale, ranging from " not at all characteristic of me " to " extremely characteristic of me ". This scale allows individuals to self-report the degree to which they fear negative evaluations from others.

Fear of Negative Evaluation and Its Impact

It's important to note that fear of negative evaluation extends beyond being afraid of receiving criticism. It includes worrying about making a negative impression, fears of saying something that might make one appear less intelligent or competent, and an overall fear of disapproval from others. Individuals with a high fear of negative evaluation often interpret ambiguous social interactions as negative and anticipate rejection.

The Role of the FNE in Understanding Fear of Judgement

The Fear of Negative Evaluation Scale can be particularly helpful in recognizing and diagnosing certain social anxieties and understanding their roots. For instance, someone with high FNE may be excessively concerned about what others think of them. This could potentially lead to avoidance behaviors, such as declining social invitations to avoid the risk of negative judgement.

Besides, an individual's FNE score can guide treatment and coping strategies. For example, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, exposure therapy, and other treatments that address and reframe negative thought patterns can be effective for individuals who score high on the FNE.

Understanding the role of the FNE scale can provide meaningful insights into our fear of judgement. This scale serves as a reminder that the fear of judgement isn't a singular, straightforward fear; it's a complex fear intertwined with our social perceptions and our interpretation of the world around us.

The act of judging and being judged is an intrinsic part of human interaction. We are constantly making judgments about others based on our experiences, biases, and values. Similarly, we are constantly being judged by people, whether we are aware of it or not. This interplay can be a significant source of anxiety, especially when we perceive these judgments as negative or harmful.

Anxiety Stemming from Negative Evaluations

The thought of being negatively evaluated can be a profound source of anxiety. This anxiety can be particularly intense when we feel we have made a mistake or failed in some way. Our mind can often leap to the worst-case scenario, imagining the harshest judgments and the worst outcomes.

Negative evaluations can also lead to rumination , where we repeatedly think about a negative event or judgement. This rumination can prolong our anxiety and even lead to other issues such as depression.

Making Decisions Based on Fear of Judgement

The fear of judgement can significantly influence our decisions, often leading to choices that are not in our best interest. We might avoid opportunities, refrain from expressing our opinions, or suppress our authentic selves in fear of being judged.

By making decisions based on fear of judgement, we are allowing others to dictate our lives. We limit our potential and hinder our personal growth .

Understanding how fear of judgement impacts our decision-making is the first step to reclaiming our autonomy and living a life true to ourselves.

Overcoming the fear of judgement requires conscious effort, self-awareness , and determination. It is a journey that takes time but can lead to profound personal growth and satisfaction. Here are some practical steps to help you start this journey:

Fear of judgement can often hold us back from truly living our best lives. It can steer us away from pursuing our passions and lead us to live out people' expectations instead of our own. However, with understanding, compassion, and deliberate practice, it's possible to mitigate the effects of this fear and grow from the experience.

At Life Architekture , we understand the transformative power of facing and embracing one's fears. Our offerings are tailored to equip you with the necessary tools to tackle these psychological hurdles. We believe in fostering an environment that encourages self-exploration and growth. Overcoming the fear of judgement is a journey, and we are here to support you every step of the way.

What exactly is fear of judgement?

How does fear of judgement develop, what are some practical steps to overcome fear of judgement, how can life architekture help me overcome fear of judgement, what is the impact of fear of judgement on mental health.

Published September 5, 2023

Updated January 7, 2024

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“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” ~Eckhart Tolle

A few months ago, I found myself on the busy streets of London’s Covent Garden.

It was a mild Friday evening in the capital and the masses were out celebrating the end of the working week, looking forward to the weekend ahead.

But that’s not why I was there.

I’d come to Covent Garden on that day for a special project.

For most of my life, the fear of what other people thought of me had kept me trapped. It had prevented me from reaching my full potential and from enjoying life to its fullest.

I couldn’t bring myself to dance in public for fear that people would point and laugh. At work I was unable to voice my opinions for fear they’d be thought stupid. And at my lowest point, even walking down the street became a struggle, as my mind ran wild with images of people talking about and laughing at me as I went by.

I lived a half-life. I knew I was missing out. I also knew I had so much more to contribute to this world. But I was paralyzed by the fear that if I put myself out there I’d be ridiculed and rejected.

And so the “real me” remained cocooned somewhere inside. I knew she was there, I knew who she was, but fear kept her trapped.

But sixteen months ago, things began to shift. Filled with an increasing sense that I wasn’t living my purpose and a vast emptiness from the lack of meaning my life seemed to have, I quit my corporate office job in search of answers, determined to live a more fulfilling life.

I made a commitment to myself then to face each and every one of my fears and to find a way to reconnect to the real Leah and let her out into the world.

The last sixteen months of my life have been challenging, as I commit every day to living a little further outside my comfort zone. But being in that space of discomfort and crossing the threshold from fear into courage has led to the fulfilment I craved as I realize just how much I’m capable of.

I’d be lying if I said I no longer gave a second thought to what others think, but for the most part I can push past that to do the things I know I need to do.

And so it is that I arrived in Covent Garden, in the hope of now encouraging others to free themselves of that fear of what others think and embrace life in its entirety.

And so there I stood, on the crowded streets of London that evening, holding a sign handcrafted from old cereal boxes, saying:

“How often does the fear of what other people think stop you from doing something?”

The reaction to this simple question left me gobsmacked.

People stopped and took notice.

Some smiled knowingly, acknowledging that their own lives had been affected by the fear of what others think.

Some nodded with something of a sad look on their face. Perhaps there was something they really wanted to do but were being held back by that fear.

Others engaged in conversation, sharing their stories of how the fear of what other people thought had touched their lives or how they’d learned not to care so much.

That day, I experienced for the very first time the extent to which the fear of what other people think affects our lives—all of our lives. What might we be capable of if we could let go of that fear?

I went home that evening having learned some valuable lessons…

You’re never alone.

Too often we suffer our fears in silence. We believe ourselves to be the only one.

Everywhere we look we seem to be surrounded by confident people.

But I’ve come to realize that everyone—those who appear confident or shy; extroverts of introverts—we all, each and every one of us, are struggling with our own fears.

When the fear of what other people think is holding you back, take a look around and remember, everyone is living with his or her own fear. You are not alone.

By confronting your fears, you help others confront theirs.

More than anything, when you stop caring what others think and set out to achieve your goals and dreams, you give others the power to do the same.

Someone is always watching and wishing they had your courage. By stepping up to your own fears, you really do help others face theirs.

Be vulnerable and honest. Being open about your fears and confronting them head on could be the greatest gift you ever give.

What you think they think isn’t the reality.

Those people over there? The ones you think are talking about you? Judging you? They’re not. Really. They don’t have time. They’re too busy worrying about what people are thinking about them!

And even if they were looking at you, judging you, talking about you, you can be almost certain they’re not saying the awful things you imagine.

Instead, they’re envying the color of your hair, your shoes, the way you look so confident.

What we think people think of us usually doesn’t come close to the reality.

Freedom from the fear of what others think is possible.

The fear of what other people think of us is like a cage.

Over time you become so used to being inside that cage you eventually come to forget what the outside might be like. You resign yourself to living within its walls.

By taking deliberate and purposeful action to overcome the fear of what others think of you, you slowly regain your freedom and escape from the confines of the prison you’ve created for yourself.

And life outside that cage? It’s pretty awesome!

It’s a place where you can be the person you always knew you were meant to be.

And that, being fully self-expressed, being everything you know you are, fulfilling your greatest potential in life, well, that’s the greatest feeling you could ever know.

Don’t let the fear of what other people think stop you from living the life you were born to live.

Photo by PhObOss

About Leah Cox

Leah is a writer, poet and spiritual guide focusing on themes of awakening, emotional healing, sensitivity, creativity and following the call of your own heart. Discover more of her work on her  website here  or  subscribe here for new writing every Tuesday .

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Overcoming the Fear of Judgment: Tips and Strategies to Embrace Authentic Self-expression

Jenna .

The fear of judgment can be paralyzing.

It can hinder our growth, stifle our creativity, and deter us from pursuing our dreams. But if we're constantly worried about what others think of us, we'll find ourselves living someone else's life instead of our own . Embracing authentic self-expression is the key to breaking free. Here are some tips and strategies to help you overcome the fear of judgment and live your most genuine life.

Related: 3 Mindset Shifts Every Creative Needs to Make

Tips for Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

Understand the source of fear.

Evolutionary Perspective : Humans, as social beings, evolved with an innate desire to fit in with the tribe. This was essential for our survival. Well, we haven’t completely outgrown that genetic tendency and in the modern world, this translates to a fear of rejection or ostracization.

Personal Experiences : Past negative experiences, especially during formative years, can shape our fear of judgment. Maybe we experienced rejection in art class from a teacher, or our first love dumping us. Recognizing these experiences can help in addressing the root of the fear.

Practice Self-awareness

Keep a journal (the ones I use are listed in my Amazon shop !) and note down instances when you felt judged or when you held back due to fear. Over time, patterns will emerge, and you can address specific triggers. We do this a LOT in my course The Art Within and I provide lots of journal prompts for your “Style Journal”.

Surround Yourself with Positive Influences

Cultivate relationships with individuals who encourage authenticity. Avoid naysayers or excessively critical people. Ain’t nobody got time for that! If it’s a family member who is judgey with you, boundaries! Seek out communities and groups that celebrate individuality.

Acknowledge Your Unique Worth

Understand that your value isn’t determined by others' opinions. Each of us has a unique blend of experiences, talents, and perspectives that make us irreplaceable. Solely seeking approval and attention from others is taking your power away and giving it to others. Prioritize self-acceptance first, the rest is a bonus!

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When you catch yourself thinking, “What will they think if I do this?”, challenge that thought. Ask yourself, “ What do I think? ” or “ Is this true to who I am? “

Limit Social Media Consumption

The constant barrage of curated perfection on social media can definitely exacerbate the fear of judgment. Take regular breaks, and remember that what's often being posted is often a highlight reel, not the full story.

Seek External Validation Less

The more you rely on external validation, the more you become enslaved to it. Instead, focus on internal validation. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and focus on personal growth.

Practice Exposure

The more you face your fears, the less power they hold. Start with small acts of authenticity and gradually push your boundaries. Want a small place to start practicing this? Try calling a friend when you feel the impulse, instead of ignoring the urge and going weeks without connecting.

Embrace Vulnerability

Understand that vulnerability is strength. When we open ourselves up and show our genuine selves, we forge deeper connections and inspire others to do the same.

Remember Everyone is Preoccupied

Most people are too concerned with their own lives to spend too much time judging yours. Even if they do, it's a fleeting thought in the grand scheme of things.

In the end, living an authentic life requires courage . It's about accepting ourselves, flaws and all, and understanding that our uniqueness is our strength. By continually challenging the fear of judgment and embracing who we truly are, we not only find inner peace but inspire those around us to do the same.

by Jenna Rainey 

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First thing I read this morning. I have a few of my paintings on display in my house. Family coming to visit soon, including my artist sister in law. Was uneasy about keeping them up, but now I have a new way of looking at things. Good advice Jenna.

As a creative who is just starting the journey into becoming a professional, these are just the tips that I needed as I start to publicly put myself and my work out there. They will become part of my Daily Affirmations. Thanks for sharing!

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4 Tips to Overcome Your Fear of Being Judged

Want to know exactly my secret to overcoming my fear of being judged? The answer is simple: I overcame my own insecurities.

The one thing I had to realize was that the only person really judging yourself is… yourself.

The concept is simple.

The process, however, is not.

Related post: How To Get Rid of Your Fear of Being Judged on Social Media

This post contains affiliate links, which means that I might get a commission on qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.

I’ve always been an open minded and compassionate person.

I would accept people for who they are and let them be.

Except for some people.

And that’s something I realized not so long ago, when I started my self-development journey .

With some people, I was extremely judgmental.

Why would I be so judgmental with some people, but so open minded with others that were so different than me?

And then it hit me.

The more a person was like me, the more judgmental I was with them.

The more different a person was, the easier it was for me to accept them for who they are.

I realized that there were parts of me that I hadn’t accepted yet .

I was not fully accepting myself for who I am.

And when I saw those parts of me in other people, I would feel triggered.

I would feel ashamed.

Therefore, I was judgmental with them.

In other words, if someone would do anything I would never let myself do out of fear of being judged, I would judge them.

That realization hit hard.

Where the fear of being judged comes from

This life lesson thought me that when you’re afraid of being judged, you simply see your own insecurities through the eyes of other people .

In other words, you think people judge you for behaviours that YOU are actually the only one to judge.

Makes sense?

Other people, they’re not judging you.

You are judging yourself.

Related post: The Origins of The Fear of Being Judged

4 Steps for overcoming the fear of being judged

I’ll go straight to the point.

If you want to overcome your fear of being judged, you need to accept the parts of you that you’re ashamed of .

You need to dig deep inside of you and do some healing.

The strategies I’m sharing helped me to overcome my fear of being judged.

But that’s not the one and only road.

And I’m warning you, this is not easy, nor fast.

Overcoming that fear is probably one of the deepest inner work you’ll ever do .

It won’t happen overnight, but the journey is totally worth it, trust me.

Related post: 6 Ways The Fear of Being Judged is Holding You Back

1. Getting aware of my triggers

The first step in making a change is acknowledging that something needs to change.

Therefore, the first step in overcoming my fear of being judged was to acknowledge what I needed to heal .

I needed to identify exactly what behaviours I wanted to stop feeling judged for .

And I did that by identifying the behaviours I was judging in other people.

In my case, I would judge people for not “being smart” or being “too loud” because I was afraid to look stupid and I often felt like I was “too much”.

Now, your turn.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What behaviours make me cringe?
• Do I ever feel ashamed of my friends when I’m with them? What are they doing when I feel this way?
• What type of social media content am I rolling my eyes to?
• What behaviours makes me think: “I would never do that”?

Start paying attention when you feel judgmental.

But try to not judge yourself for that. (Told you, this process is hard).

Start a journal and take notes.

2. Get out of your comfort zone

Now that you’ve identified what parts of yourself you’re not accepting, you need to break the cycle of shame .

And you’ll do that by slowly, little by little, doing things that push you out of your comfort zone .

Now you don’t have to do anything extreme.

Everyone has their own level of risk tolerance and you need to find yours.

For example, you can start by wearing a piece of clothes that you really like but you feel judged wearing.

And yes, you’ll feel very self-conscious when you do this .

But you’ll get used to it, and one day you won’t care anymore.

And that’s exactly how you’ll be able to overcome your fear of being judged, step by step.

Related post: Challenging Journal Prompts for Women’s Self Growth

3. Journal about your fear and how it affects you

Let me tell you about how I started journaling.

I had just broke up with my boyfriend and felt totally lost.

It wasn’t my first break up. But it was different this time.

I had the feeling that I needed to spend A LOT of time alone before I could be in a relationship again.

But I was almost 30.

At 29 and recently single… I started to believe that I was too late. I missed the boat.

How would I ever find a good person at this age? Especially that I felt it would take years before I’m ready to open up again.

Saying I was overthinking is an understatement.

My brain was boiling.

So I started journaling.

At first, I only took my journal when “I felt that I needed it”.

Meaning when something was occupying my mind so much that I couldn’t think straight anymore.

When this would happen, I could journal for hours.

So I started to make it a habit instead.

I started to journal every single morning. I would get up, make myself a coffee, sit in my couch and write.

At first I thought I wouldn’t know what to write.

But trust me… this wasn’t a problem.

When you start writing everything that’s on your mind, no matter how crazy you think it sounds… you simply cannot stop.

This was 4 years ago.

4 years of journaling. And I can’t describe how much it changed my life.

As of today, this is part of my daily morning routine, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

When I’m writing those lines, I’ve been travelling for almost 2 years and guess what… I’ve been journaling every single day since I left home.

Journaling has been such a great part in my healing, personal growth and self-discovery journey.

And I think it can help you, too.

My best advice: start now, and start small.

This post can help you get started.

Start with 2 minutes a day. 2 lines a day.

It doesn’t matter. Just start.

Make it a habit, and I promise you’ll thank me later.

Shop eco-friendly journals here

4. Don’t do this alone

Overcoming the fear of being judged alone is almost impossible.

We feel judged because we are ashamed of certain parts of us.

It’s very hard to overcome that feeling when there’s no one telling us that we have nothing to be ashamed of.

Because that’s not what we deeply believe.

And changing a deep belief about ourselves is one of the hardest thing we’ll ever do.

Related post:  7 Reasons Why It’s Important To Know Yourself

For so long I resisted the idea of seeing a therapist.

“I don’t need therapy” and “I’m not depressed” were the two things I would tell myself the most when I was thinking of therapy.

When I started my life transformation journey, I felt lost.

I read every book on self-development I could find and was journaling every day.

Which helped me a lot… but slooooowly.

There’s only so many pages I could read in a day.

But when I finally started therapy… I realized it was not about healing depression or needing help.

It was about getting a coach that would guide me in the right direction and accelerate my growth .

I’m grateful for the growth and transformation I went though in the past years.

I’m proud of the woman I’ve become, especially when I look back where I started.

But if there’s one thing I wish I did sooner, it’s seeking help from a professional .

If you’re here, you’re looking for solutions to overcome your fear of being judged and grow as a person.

You know how much your fear is blocking you from achieving your full potential.

So here’s my first advice: get support from a professional .

The good thing about 2023 is that we can do it online (try Calmerry !).

You can even start through text messaging if you’re not ready for live sessions!

Find a licensed professional online here.

4. Follow inspirational content

Finally, find inspiration everywhere you can.

Follow people who inspire you on social media.

Read self-help books, listen to motivational podcasts.

The more you consume this kind of content, the more it’ll eventually sink in.

Instagram accounts I follow:

@lewishowes

@melrobbins

@tonyrobbins

@themindsjournal

Self-help books that helped me:

Feel the fear and do it anyway

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

You Are a Badass

Permission to feel

Braving the Wilderness

Daring Greatly

The Gifts of Imperfection

Overcoming the fear of being judged: summary

Being able to be yourself without caring what anything thinks is truly a blessing.

Take that from a girl who has tamed her personality for 30 years and finally overcame her fear of being judged.

These strategies might take time and whole process might be hard… but you don’t deserve to hide yourself.

You deserve to accept who you really are without fear of being judged.

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My name is Marie-Pier and I'm here to help you to fear less and live more. I push people out of their comfort zone to help them grow, and I'm known for my ability to ask the right questions. I’ve decided to use my gifts to empower women to become better versions of themselves and achieve their full potential. Welcome to the community!

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What Can You Do If You Live In Fear Of Being Judged?

Social anxiety can involve the fear of acting in such a way around others that may cause judgment or a negative impression. Social anxiety disorder is a prevalent mental illness involving frequent social anxiety and fear of judgment. People with social anxiety disorder are often classified as shy, withdrawn, indifferent, or unfriendly. However, these stereotypes can take away from the core concept of the condition: the fear behind it and the behaviors that can follow.  

If you lived with a fear of being judged, you might be experiencing symptoms of social anxiety disorder. In these cases, it may be helpful to know how to cope with these symptoms and find hope for socialization.

What is social anxiety disorder? 

Over 12.1% of US adults live with social anxiety disorder, an anxiety disorder listed in the DSM-5. Those with social anxiety disorder often live with extreme fear or worry of being judged by others and can find their daily life limited. They may desire to socialize in their personal life, but their thoughts may freeze when they try to speak in front of others, especially around strangers or in a new environment. They could also struggle to make eye contact in social situations. 

Severe social anxiety may cause challenges in a professional or school environment, including one-on-one appraisals on knowledge, like an interview or test. Someone with social anxiety might feel devastated if teased or criticized or may interpret constructive criticism to the extreme. In addition, being the center of attention can prompt fear and exacerbate symptoms of social anxiety disorder.

Due to these fears and the unpleasant experience of anxiety and its associations, people with social anxiety disorder may avoid situations that could cause anxiety responses and symptoms. As a result, they might miss opportunities to enrich their lives or be misunderstood by others. It may be helpful to note that people with social anxiety disorder often crave connection with other people. However, their symptoms and fears can make it challenging to do so. 

Are shy children living with social anxiety disorder?

Some children feel ready to operate in a social environment away from their families by the time they go to school for the first time. However, other children experience extreme shyness, which may cause them to require more time to process their new surroundings. Children with shyness may sometimes be encouraged to socialize with patience. 

However, children teased, shamed, or ridiculed for being shy may develop a social phobia , which can lead to social anxiety disorder. They might not have learned to adapt to a social environment outside their family unit and started to fear it. Child guidance counseling that includes preparing your shy child for events may help them overcome the fear of new or unique situations.  

Note that having social anxiety is more than being "shy." Shyness is not a clinical diagnosis, but this trait can sometimes be a sign of social anxiety disorder. Not all shy children develop social anxiety, and not all people with social anxiety experience shyness as children. Adults who experience social anxiety for six months or more can qualify for a clinical diagnosis of social anxiety disorder.

Approaches to the fear of being judged

There are several approaches to addressing the fear of judgment that can come with social anxiety disorder, including the following. 

Going to a support group 

A support group may seem intimidating to those fearing social interactions. However, many public health organizations facilitate group therapy for individuals with social anxiety. Group therapy may be effective as a first step because a therapy group provides a safe, supportive environment to practice social interactions, cope with anxiety, and build confidence. 

It can also be validating to listen to the experiences of others with social anxiety. You may find you're better at social interactions than you realize as you speak with others in the group. You may also form friendships that help you practice social interactions outside the therapeutic setting. 

Challenging your thoughts 

Challenging your thoughts through exercises like cognitive restructuring may help you reduce thoughts that others are negatively judging your values or criticizing your work. For example, you might acknowledge that others are people like you, preoccupied with their own problems and solutions. They may not be as focused on your behavior, vocal tone, or eye contact as you are.  

Prepare yourself for new situations 

Practicing realistic thinking might not prevent the panic you feel before an interview or the despair at the thought of attending a class reunion, as social anxiety disorder can have a biological component. For that reason, a multi-faceted approach can help you teach your body relaxation and gain the tools to experience success and confidence. 

Prepare yourself as you might have been prepared as a small child to enter new environments and face new people and situations. Practice facing challenges in the safety of your home and among close friends. For example, you can practice an interview in front of a friend or family before it occurs. 

Meditate or practice mindfulness

Some people find value in meditating or mindfulness practice before attending an appointment, interview, or social function that causes anxiety. To start, try a few breathing exercises, listen to music, schedule a physical workout, shower, or use another technique that helps you relax. A guided meditation app can give you ideas if you're unfamiliar with standard practices. 

Other effective relaxation tools may include progressive muscle relaxation and visualization. With practice, these methods may train your nervous system and body's anxiety response to slow down, giving you the confidence to handle anxiety when it arises. 

What can you do with a fear of public speaking?

When living with social anxiety disorder, the fear of being judged can interfere with your academic and career performance. It might hinder your ability to speak in public and could make social gatherings awkward. If your anxiety is severe, you might avoid academic and professional pursuits altogether, leading you to miss out on an opportunity. 

If you have had social anxiety since early childhood and fear public speaking, you may start by learning about socialization, especially if you haven't had many positive social experiences. When social anxiety disorder becomes so extreme that it impacts many aspects of your life or causes depression, consider speaking to a mental health professional for support. 

In severe cases, a licensed medical professional may be able to provide medical support, including medication used to treat anxiety disorders or immediate panic. However, consult a licensed mental health professional for a diagnosis and treatment plan before starting, changing, or stopping a medication. 

Professional support options

Studies show that people who experience complex emotions related to social phobia can benefit from the support of online therapy, as it removes some social treatment barriers. For example, in a study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research,  the effects of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) on people living with social anxiety disorder and social phobia were examined. 

Treatment involved a nine-week online CBT program. After treatment, participants reported significant reductions in symptoms of social anxiety disorder, in addition to decreases in depression and generalized anxiety disorder and an increase in overall quality of life. These improvements were sustained at a five-year follow-up. These results can show how online therapy gives social agency to individuals. For example, you can choose between phone, video, or chat sessions with an online therapy platform. 

If you're experiencing symptoms of social anxiety disorder, you may not feel comfortable meeting face-to-face to talk with a therapist. Through an online platform like BetterHelp , you can participate in therapy treatment from home. Some online platforms offer messaging with your therapist, allowing you to ask questions outside of sessions and bring up points you felt nervous to mention during therapy. 

If you live with excessive fear of social interactions or have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, consider working with a mental health professional experienced in treating this condition. A counselor can help you to become aware of the link between your thoughts, anxiety response, and resulting behaviors to interrupt the anxious cycle and interact with others in the ways you seek.

What is glossophobia?

Glossophobia, also known as speech anxiety or the fear of public speaking, is a common phobia characterized by a strong fear or anxiety when speaking in front of an audience. This anxiety can manifest in various physical and emotional symptoms, such as nervousness, trembling, sweating, a racing heart, dry mouth, and a feeling of panic. People with glossophobia may have difficulty articulating their thoughts and may avoid public speaking situations .

What is the fear of failure and being judged?

The fear of failure and being judged is often referred to as atychiphobia and social anxiety, respectively. These two fears can be closely related and may even overlap in some individuals, as they both involve a fear of negative evaluation or criticism by others.

Atychiphobia (Fear of Failure): Atychiphobia is the fear of failing or not meeting one's own or others' expectations . People with this fear may worry about making mistakes, experiencing setbacks, or not achieving their goals. This fear can be paralyzing and may prevent individuals from taking a risk or pursuing new opportunities.

Social Anxiety (Fear of Being Judged): Social anxiety, or social phobia, is characterized by a fear of social situations in which one might be scrutinized, judged, or negatively evaluated by others. It often involves a fear of public speaking, meeting new people, or participating in social events. People with social anxiety may worry about embarrassing themselves, being criticized, or appearing foolish in social interactions.

What is the fear of judgment and embarrassment?

The fear of judgment and embarrassment is often associated with social anxiety, which is a common anxiety disorder characterized by a fear of n egative evaluation or scrutiny by others in social situations . People with social anxiety may often worry about having others judge them, being embarrassed, or being humiliated in social interactions. This fear can be triggered by various situations, such as public speaking, a job interview, meeting new people, or participating in social events. The specific terms for the fear of judgment and embarrassment may not be formally recognized phobias but are encompassed by the broader concept of social anxiety or performance anxiety.

Why do I hate being judged so much?

Hating or strongly disliking being judged is a common emotional response, and it can be influenced by various factors and experiences. Here are some reasons why you might dislike being judged:

• Fear of Rejection: Many people fear judgment because they associate it with the possibility of rejection or exclusion. Being judged negatively can lead to feelings of not being accepted or valued by others, which can be emotionally painful.
• Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem may be more sensitive to judgment because they already have a negative view of themselves. Negative judgment can confirm or reinforce these negative self-perceptions.
• Perfectionism: If you have high standards for yourself and a fear of making mistakes, the idea of being judged can be particularly distressing. You may fear falling short of your own or others' expectations.
• Past Experiences: Negative experiences with judgment or criticism in the past can leave lasting emotional impacts. These experiences can create a heightened sensitivity to judgment and negative thoughts in the future.
• Social Anxiety: Social anxiety is characterized by a fear of negative evaluation or judgment in social situations. It can lead to heightened self-consciousness and avoidance of social interactions.
• Cultural or Peer Pressure: Societal or peer pressures to conform to certain standards or norms can make judgment feel particularly burdensome.

What's the type of phobia that has the longest duration?

The duration and persistence of a phobia can vary significantly from one individual to another. Phobias are typically characterized by an intense and irrational fear of a specific object, situation, or concept. They can develop at any age and may be relatively short-lived or last for many years. The difference in the length of a phobia often depends on several factors, including the individual's experiences, coping strategies, and the nature of the phobia. 

Some phobias may improve or resolve with time, especially when individuals seek treatment such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or exposure therapy, which are effective for many phobias. In some cases, individuals may learn to manage their phobias and reduce their fear responses.

Is there a phobia of embarrassment?

Yes, there is a phobia related to the fear of embarrassment. It is known as "social embarrassment phobia," "social phobia," or "social anxiety disorder." Social anxiety disorder is a recognized mental health condition characterized by an intense fear of social situations where a person may be scrutinized, judged, or negatively evaluated by others. Being afraid of embarrassment may lead to avoidance of social interactions, talking or speaking in public, or struggling in situations where one might feel self-conscious.

People with social anxiety disorder may experience physical and emotional signs or symptoms when facing social situations , including blushing, sweating, trembling, a racing heart, difficulty speaking, and a strong sense of panic or fear. It can significantly increase stress and affect an individual's quality of life and their ability to engage in social, academic, or professional activities.

Having social anxiety disorder treated may include psychotherapy, with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) being a common and effective approach. Medication such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) may also be considered in some cases. If you believe you have social anxiety or a fear of embarrassment that is negatively impacting your life, it may be beneficial to seek professional help to receive a proper diagnosis and treatment.

• Why Do I Feel Broken And How Can I Snap Out Of It? Medically reviewed by Kimberly L Brownridge , LPC, NCC, BCPC
• Why Am I Feeling Unmotivated? How To Encourage Yourself To Be More Productive Medically reviewed by Paige Henry , LMSW, J.D.
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About Social Anxiety

Stop Worrying. Start Living.

5 Tips to Manage the Fear of Being Judged

July 19, 2019 by Arlin Cuncic, M.A.

How to Stop Worrying What Other People Think

Do you have a fear of being judged? Most people do, at least a little bit, but people with social anxiety tend to have an overblown fear of other people thinking badly of them.

If this is you, it might feel like you are at the mercy of other people’s judgments. As those what they think of you defines your worth. But, nothing could be further from the truth! As long as you let that be your guidepost, your self-esteem will rise and fall with what you think other people are thinking about you (yes, that’s a bit circular and convoluted).

Instead, consider the ways in which you can start to distance yourself from the fear that other people are judging you. Yes, people do judge from time-to-time, but a) it’s far less than you probably think, and b) anyone who judges you instead of trying to get to know you or help you—doesn’t deserve to make you miserable.

Build Your Self Esteem

The first tip to worrying less about being judged is to boost your own self esteem and sense of self worth. One way to do this is through daily affirmations for self esteem.

Say things to yourself daily that remind you of your unique qualities and that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.

It will be much harder to care what negative things people are thinking about you when you’re feeling good about yourself.

Be Less Judgmental 

This might not be immediately obvious, but it deserves mention. Sometimes when I overhear people making disparaging comments about others or running them down, I wonder if this is a pattern of thinking and it’s also the way that they talk to themselves.

One of the most common comments I hear along these lines is.. “Who does she think she is?” Imagine saying that about someone else. Take a step back. What are you really saying to yourself? When you put on a new outfit or land a new job, will you be secretly saying to yourself, “Who do I think I am?” Instead, why not say, “Doesn’t she look fabulous?” or “Isn’t she amazing?” Just try it, you’d be surprised how much your outer criticisms match your inner ones.

Manage Negative Thinking

We all can fall victim to negative thinking patterns. An easy way to break free from these patterns is to use a CBT worksheet like the one available in my free resource library. You can sign up for this at the bottom of this post.

In simplest terms, the way to combat negative thoughts is to take a step back and really ask yourself whether you are being realistic. If you’re not, then you need to replace your irrational thought with something that’s closer to the truth.

For the fear of being judged, this probably means letting go of thoughts that other people are always evaluating you and deciding that you don’t measure up. More realistically, it’s probably the case that some people judge you negatively some of the time, but the majority of people do not.

(Watch the video below for more tips on how to manage the fear of being judged)

Let Go of Perfectionism

At the root of the fear of being judged is the fear that you won’t be perfect . But WHY do you need to be perfect in the first place? Wouldn’t the world be an awfully boring place if we were all without flaws?

So… let them judge you! If someone else doesn’t like something about you, could that in fact mean that you just aren’t really suited to be friends? Not everyone has to like you, but the people who do will like you for who you are. Don’t edit your personality to try and be perfect; then nobody can get to know the real you. Be yourself, and let things work themselves out.

Live Your Best Life

Guess what? If you are doing amazing things that excite you, it’s going to be awfully hard to worry about other people’s judgments. And, if you are working hard to overcome any negative traits about yourself, then you should be doubly less concerned what other people think .

Really, truly, the best way to overcome the fear of being judged is to just be yourself and let things work themselves out from there. And if you’re not happy with some aspect of yourself, get working on it so that you feel more confident and less insecure the next time it comes up.

Related Articles about Fear of Being Judged

• Take a Self Esteem Test
• 12 Signs of Low Self Esteem
• 56 Affirmations for Low Self Esteem

WANT TO REMEMBER THIS? SAVE 5 TIPS TO MANAGE THE FEAR OF BEING JUDGED TO YOUR FAVORITE PINTEREST BOARD!

Reader Interactions

Vibhor Tiwari says

June 7, 2020 at 6:32 am

Nice post! I like the 3rd point most. If you’re really happy and are doing things that excite you, why would you worry about other people’s judgments? Very well written. We’ve covered the same topic, if interested check it out at https://www.theomegawithin.com/7-ways-to-counter-fear-of-being-judged/

atorrin says

June 16, 2020 at 4:10 pm

I’m glad you agree!

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Can I let you in on something?

I feel fear and self-doubt about my business and passions every single day. That’s feel , present tense — and I’ve been running this business for over 20 years.

In my early 20s, when I made my living doing many things — coaching, bartending, waiting tables, cleaning toilets, personal assisting, teaching fitness and dance — I was terrified of being judged by others.

I had self doubt out the wazoo, especially when it came to talking about my work with family and friends. I started my life-coaching practice at age 23. What did I even know about life? What would people think? Most people had never even heard of a “life coach” in the nineties.

When you forge your own path and step outside of the norm, you will be judged by others. And often, that judgment can feel harsh.

Often, the more unconventional you are, the more you can expect to have that “nobody gets me” feeling and all the fear and anxiety that comes along with it.

Especially in the beginning stages, when the people around you may not even understand what you’re trying to do, it’s crucial to get this fear under control.

Today I’m answering a question from Shannon who wrote in to ask:

I often feel like my family and friends don’t understand me, my passions, or my business. How do you get over the fear of judgement by others, especially from your family?

This is such a common question, especially from those of us following a different path than our friends and families.

How do you get over the fear of being judged by others so you can stay true to yourself and keep on truckin’ toward your dreams?

The Psychology Behind the Fear of Being Judged

To get over your fear, you should first understand where it’s coming from.

Let’s start with some A’s to your Q’s…

What Is the Fear of Being Judged?

We all have moments when we’re afraid of people’s judgment, no matter how confident we are.

It’s that feeling of stiffening up before you speak or biting your tongue because you’re worried what someone might think.

Sometimes this fear manifests as going along with something you don’t agree with just to be liked. Or feeling indecisive when you know you can’t please everyone.

You can’t be an important and life-changing presence for some people without also being a joke and an embarrassment to others. Here’s advice from Mark Manson how to stop caring about things that don’t matter and get on with what does.

An extreme fear of being judged in social situations might be a symptom of socialized anxiety disorder (a.k.a. “social anxiety”), which you can learn more about from the National Institute of Mental Health .

These tips for confronting your fear will help you build confidence and reduce your fear, but you may want to talk to someone about mental health treatment if you think you suffer from social anxiety.

Why Do We Care about Other People’s Judgments?

Have you ever felt insecure talking about what you do for a living? Or worried that everyone thinks you’re a fraud?

Your specific fear usually points to what’s most important to you , not necessarily to other people.

For many of us, we fear others will judge us for the things we judge in ourselves . We internalize critical thoughts like:

You don’t make enough money.

You should be married by now.

You have no idea how to run your own business.

You’re not good enough .

When you tell yourself these nasty lies, it’s easy to believe everyone else is thinking them, too.

I’ve been there.

When I was working several side jobs and launching my business, I was so scared people would think I was unfocused, flaky, or unprofessional. Why? Because I believed the myth that successful professionals stick to one thing.

Now, instead of trying to force myself into a career box, I embrace the power of being a multipassionate entrepreneur .

Caring about what others think of you doesn’t mean you’re weak, immature, or broken. It means you’re human.

Why Do We Hate Being Judged?

Humans are social animals. We crave community. Not in the way we crave mint chocolate chip ice cream, but in the way we crave broccoli. It’s essential to our well-being.

In psychology, our need for community is called “belongingness” (which sounds like a word a blogger invented, but it’s the real deal).

According to researchers , the need to belong “is so basic to human behavior that the first premise of virtually every theory of social or cultural behavior could be that people have a pervasive drive to form and maintain at least a minimum quantity of lasting, positive, and significant interpersonal relationships.”

On a biological level, feeling socially anxious stems from our need to be socially safe to survive.

And judgment = threat to your belonging. No wonder judgement is scary AF.

6 Steps to Get Over the Fear of Being Judged

Fearing the judgment of others is natural, normal, and no one escapes it entirely. So what’s the big deal? Especially if you do unconventional work or have unusual life goals, this fear could be holding you back.

Don’t let it. The world needs what you have to offer.

In this MarieTV, I share four action steps to help you get over the idea “Nobody gets me!” Keep reading after the video for two more ways to dissolve your fear.

Watch Video now

listen to this episode on the marie forleo podcast

Subscribe to the marie forleo podcast.

View Transcript

Download transcript.

Q and A Tuesday side to side, we dance together. As one today's question is from Shannon and Shannon writes, I often feel like my family and friends don't understand me, my passions or my business. How do you get over the fear of judgment by others, especially from family. Ooh, that's a juicy one. Shannon, real juicy Shannon. This is a really common question, especially for those of us who have unusual businesses, but the very first thing you need to do is this, to get a check, just set before you rest yourself, before you wreck yourself.

Hmm. Here's what I mean. Shannon. We, human beings have an ability to get others, to judge us for what we judge ourselves for. Ooh, that was deep. If you're at all insecure or unsure about what you do, you have an ability to evoke a reaction in others. It's as though you have this big blinking neon sign above your head that says, ask me about my business. So you can judge me for how weird it is. For example, when I was in my early twenties, I was really insecure about saying what I did for a living, because it was weird and nontraditional. Remember I did like five things. I was a hip hop dancer. I was a writer. I was a coach, all kinds of stuff. I would actually get people to ask me what I did for a living constantly. So here's, what's interesting. The moment that I stopped judging myself for being a weird multipassionate entrepreneur, the frequency of people asking hi, what do you do for a living?

Went down drastically. Coincidence? I think not. So the first and most important step is to stop judging yourself. Once you got that under control, here are four more action steps. You can take. Number one, don't just assume they're judgemental a-holes because they don't get what you do. What about this? What if you've never really taken the time to explain it to them? Number two, if you've explained it to them and they still think you're weird, then you need to stop trying to go for their approval, wanting to change how people think and feel about you is crazy. Like cuckoo crazy. Come on. Now that is therapy 1 0 1. Number three is to be happy. Now I know that sounds trie, but here's the thing. It's really hard for other people to judge you. If you're happy, you're making money and you're living your life. When I first started out, my parents didn't know what I did for a living.

And frankly, they still don't really understand it. All they know now is that I'm happy. I don't ask for money to borrow from them. I'm a happy camper. I call them all the time. I love them. That's it. But B number four is get a power posse. You really need to have a crew of people that you can hang with that really get you and your business for me. I have a whole crew of internet marketers that I can hang out with. We have drinks, we have fun, and I never have to explain what a squeeze page is. That's pretty cool. So Shannon, that is my a to your queue. Thank you so much for asking it. Now, if you have a story to share about people judging you or not getting what you do, leave your story in the comments below. If you like this video, like it, share it with your friends in social media land. And of course, if you never wanna miss an episode of Marie TV, come on over to MarieForle.com, Jump on the newsletter list and I will catch you next time. Thanks again for watching it's Q and A Tuesday. What do you think of this and this bling always trying something different.

DIVE DEEPER: Setbacks happen. Here’s how to stop feeling like a failure , get back up, and keep moving forward.

You’ve got important work to do. Take these six steps to let go of self-doubt and avoid being paralyzed by the fear of being judged:

• Don’t invite judgment. When we’re insecure about what we do, we might unwittingly nudge others to judge us for it. Like when you steer the conversation toward what you do for a living or nudge someone to ask you about your dreams for your future.
• Stop judging yourself. When you stop judging yourself, people will miraculously find less to judge about you. This doesn’t mean you have to be confident 100% of the time — all of us feel fear and self-doubt regularly. To keep working anyway, turn your focus outward to the people you serve, and away from your inner critic.
• Don’t assume people are judgmental a-holes. Sometimes, what you interpret as judgment from someone is just a lack of understanding. Have you ever taken the time to explain to them what you do? Give them a chance to get it before dismissing their lackluster response as judgey.
• Stop chasing people’s approval. OK, so maybe they are judging you. So what? You can’t change what people think about you, so don’t waste energy trying. Be true to yourself to achieve your true purpose.
• Be happy. I know that sounds trite, but here’s the thing: It’s hard for people to judge or criticize you if you’re happy, making money, and enjoying your life.
• Get a power posse. Pull together a group of people you can hang with and never have to explain what you do for a living. For me, that’s a group of other online business owners. When I’m with them, I never have to explain what a “funnel” is — that’s how I know I’m home.

Let Go of Judgment

The fear of harsh judgment can be creatively and spiritually debilitating, but only if you let it.

When you surround yourself with people who get what you do, let go of your own self judgment, and learn to love your life without others’ approval, you can let go of the fear and get on with sharing your special gifts with the world.

Now it’s time to turn this insight into action.

Grab a notebook, and spend five to 10 minutes writing your answers to these questions:

• Imagine the criticism you fear actually happens. What are three constructive and healthy ways you would deal with it?
• Write down 10 things you’d do if you had absolutely zero fear of judgment or criticism. Then pick one — and do it!

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Table of Contents

Journal to overcome the fear of judgment.

Have you ever found yourself: 

• Not putting your hand up in class when you knew the answer
• Not telling someone how you felt about them
• Not quitting the job you dreaded showing up to every day
• Not asking for the raise you knew you deserved
• Not sticking up for someone who was being gossiped about in a group setting

If one of these examples strikes a chord with you, you’re not alone. The truth is, we all desire to be liked. It’s part of human nature to desire social approval. In fact, our ancestors relied on this need to belong in social groups for survival . But this mental programming that tells us we should be liked and accepted by everyone can cause us to fear being judged and ultimately, come as a cost to our confidence and wellbeing. 

When we are afraid of judgment, it causes us to conform to societal norms, sacrificing our true, authentic selves. It causes us to believe that there's a right way and a wrong way to show up in this world. And when we hear that someone perceives us in a way that conflicts with how we want to show up, our immediate response is to mask who we are rather than focusing on who we want to be. 

But the reality is, no matter what we do, no matter how hard we try to please, we will be judged. Although this might leave a bitter taste in your mouth, think about the people you don’t like (I'm sure you can name a few). We are all in the same boat... being judged and judging others. 

So, we fear judgment, we do what we can to prevent it (and that usually means not being our authentic selves), and yet, we will be judged regardless. This paradox ultimately leads to pain. We feel pain when we hear that we are viewed in a negative light. We feel pain when we try so hard to be liked and we still aren't. We feel pain when we aren’t our true authentic selves.Preventing judgment is a game you cannot win. So, how do you overcome it? 

Acceptance.

I’m not here to tell you that you should just embrace negative judgments from others… it would be delusional to just get over it and not have an emotional response. It sucks and it hurts to be judged but rather than getting caught up in the struggle trap of trying to win likes and not succeeding, you can rest in the knowledge that it’s not a reflection of who you are. 

Overcoming the fear of judgment is a process. You can go about shifting your mindset with the tips below and a little help from journaling…

5 Ways to Change Your Mindset About Being Judged

#1 take ownership of who you are.

When you fully own your strengths and weaknesses, what people say about you will not affect you as much. You need to become confident in your skills and abilities so that when they are challenged by someone else, you’ll be able to brush it off. You also need to accept your weaknesses. When you try to resist and mask your weaknesses, there's a much larger emotional impact. You may experience shame or embarrassment about not being good in a certain area. Rather than trying to be good at something you're not, take ownership of the fact that you aren’t, and you won’t feel nearly as self-conscious. By taking ownership, what others think won’t matter because you know who you are better than anyone else. 

Journal prompts to help you take ownership of who you are:

• Who are you?
• What are your values?
• What are your strengths and weaknesses?
• What is important to you? 

#2 Remember, an opinion is just that - an opinion

We all have opinions, even you! Our opinions are formed based on our beliefs and perceptions of others so basically, they have nothing to do with who they are and instead have everything to do with how we choose to experience this world.

Our opinions are also fleeting. Do you spend time thinking about people you don’t like? Probably not. So if you’re scared that someone doesn’t like you and that happens to be the case, they probably spend very little time thinking about you. 

When you come to recognize that others' opinions have nothing to do with you and most people aren't actually thinking about you, the faster you will be able to shrug it off. At the end of the day, if someone has developed a negative perception of you, it was probably a result of minimal information they gathered from a brief interaction with you or from someone else. It’s safe to say that an opinion does not define who you are. 

Journal prompts to help you let go of others’ opinions:

• How is this one microscopic opinion impacting you?
• What is it stopping you from doing? (i.e. applying to that job you’ve always wanted or finally going to the gym)
• How is it causing you to behave?
• Is assigning so much weight and value to it worth it in the grand scheme of things? Why or why not?

#3 Judge others less

When you are judging others, it’s a reflection of how you feel about yourself. To make ourselves feel better and diminish our insecurities, we project our judgments about ourselves onto the people around us. If you find yourself judging others often, you most likely tend to experience a more intense emotional response when you experience judgment from others. Essentially, if you judge people less, the less you will internalize and be attuned to judgments from others.

Journal prompts to help you judge others less:

• Who do you find yourself judging the most?
• What qualities are they demonstrating?
• Why do these qualities irritate or annoy you?
• How does judging them make you feel about yourself?

#4 Recognize that others focus more on themselves

I mentioned this briefly before but I will say it again: people spend more time worrying about what others think about them than judging you! More often than not, your beliefs about how others view you are self-invented. 

It's essential to become mindful of these thoughts so that you can instead shift them to thoughts that serve you.

Journal prompts to help realize your beliefs are often not fact:

• What do I believe others are judging me for? Is my fear that people perceive me this way true? Is it based on facts or fiction?
• Describe your inner critic. When you look in the mirror, what do you say about yourself? How does this make you feel and behave? Is what you're saying true? How might you shift your thinking to thoughts that support and embrace your true authentic self? 

#5 You can control your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors

It comes down to you when it comes to responding to judgments. Inevitably, we will all be judged at some point in our lives. We need to let go of these fears, accept that we can choose how we respond, and be resilient in the process of overcoming the pain these perceptions can sometimes inflict. Rather than trying to prevent things that are bound to happen, you can accept what you can and cannot control while still being yourself throughout the process. 

Journal prompts for focusing on what you can control:

• What does this judgment say about me? Is it even true? 
• Do they have concrete evidence to back this up? Is it true in every single case? 
• Is preventing one person’s judgment worth the sacrifice of living an authentic life?
• Will I choose to give this judgment power over my life?

Let go of pleasing and start being

While I was writing this article, I came across a post on Instagram that said, “Don’t stop shining to please other people.” Overcoming the fear of judgment takes time and practice but it’s so worth it. You have an incredible light to share with this world and hiding who you truly are will only prevent so many people from benefiting from it. Your true authentic self deserves to shine.

Written by Guest Author, Hailey Rodgers

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10 Simple Ways To Overcome Your Fear Of Being Judged By Others

Once you stop fearing judgment, it no longer matters what other people think..

By Jill Weber — Last updated on Aug 10, 2023

People go to self-defeating lengths to elude the possibility of being negatively judged by others .

They avoid telling people what they want to tell them. They don’t speak up in class or at work meetings. They avoid telling their lover their true desires. They don’t ask for a raise. They won’t tell a new date where they’d like to go for dinner.

This fear of judgment is linked to the desire to be liked by everyone at all times. But because that is impossible, this is a losing game that keeps people from uninhibitedly experiencing and expressing their true selves.

RELATED: 10 Ways To Immediately Be Less Judgmental Of People You Disagree With

Let’s face it: humans are always judging others — good/bad or like/dislike, with lots of nuance in between. And as new information comes in, the human mind reassesses: It is an ongoing process.

Instead of avoiding the issue by not saying anything about your preferences, and working overtime to try to shape the people in your life so they won’t judge you, you can work to accept this process instead.

Why do people fear being judged by others?

The fear of being judged by others is a common and natural human emotion that stems from various psychological factors, including:

• Social acceptance and belonging
• Self-esteem and self-worth
• Fear of rejection
• Social comparison

Humans are social creatures, and a sense of belonging is essential for our emotional well-being. We often tie our self-esteem and self-worth to the opinions of others . When someone judges us negatively, it can shatter our self-perception and lead to feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness.

Humans even engage in social comparison to evaluate their abilities, beliefs, and behaviors. When we feel like we don't measure up to others' standards, the fear of judgment can arise as a defense mechanism to protect our self-concept.

Cultural norms and societal expectations play a role in shaping our fear of judgment. In societies where conformity is highly valued, the fear of deviating from norms can be especially strong.

RELATED: 4 Rare Traits Of People Who Know How To Think For Themselves

How to Stop Fearing the Judgment of Others

1. remember nothing lasts forever..

The reality is that the human brain has limited data reserves. Although we may make judgments, they are not significant enough to earn a place in our memory banks for eternity.

So when someone makes a judgment about you, chances are that moments or days later that judgment will have left their conscious awareness.

We build up our understanding of people, not on the minor mistakes or setbacks we observe, but by creating a schema based on the big things they do and say, and the patterns of how they interact with us and make us feel over time.

2. Know that judgment is unavoidable.

Stop trying to control the judgments of others. It has become part of our zeitgeist to demand that others not judge us. Think about popular statements such as, “No judgments,” and, “This is a non-judgment zone.” None of this really helps because you can’t control what others think.

Maybe they won’t express their judgment, but it doesn’t mean they can stop a physiological brain process. Instead, try to explain the context of what you are feeling so that those you are opening up to understand you and have compassion for you.

Compassion is judgment’s kryptonite . When it is present, judgments have little weight because people can imagine themselves feeling the same way.

3. Let them judge.

It can be liberating in an intimate relationship to just allow judgments to be present. Instead of stopping yourself from being open or vulnerable or from sharing something negative but important about yourself, do it anyway.

If you notice yourself holding back out of fear of judgment, ask yourself first: “What judgment do I fear will come from my opening up?“ and “What is it I fear will occur if they make that particular judgment about me?”

Once you identify the fear, try to reassure yourself or find a way that you could manage the fear if it did come to be. Remind yourself that close and intimate relationships deepen when people risk judgment.

If this openness doesn’t happen, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have done something wrong, but it may mean the person you are working to connect with doesn’t have the capacity for an emotionally intimate relationship.

4. Notice your own judgments.

There is no better way to care less about the judgments of others than to judge yourself and others less. Of course, judgment is unavoidable, but watch the language you use in your own head about the people and events in your life.

Change the focus of your judgments: Instead of “she sucks” or “he’s a loser,” ask yourself what effect the person has on you that you want to avoid or be aware of in the future. For example, “She never follows through with her commitments to me” or “He tells me he’s trying but I always end up disappointed.”

Move away from the good and bad character traits of those in your life to what is healthy and unhealthy for you.

RELATED: 3 Toxic Attitudes That Make You Seem Like A Complete Jerk

5. Write affirmations.

It's crucial to focus on fostering positivity in your life. Research indicates that practicing affirmations can be a helpful tool in rebuilding self-assurance and a sense of self-value. By acknowledging your own strengths and positive attributes, you can enhance your ability to overcome anxieties related to how others perceive you.

When you have confidence in yourself, your capabilities, and your achievements, the opinions of others become less significant and impactful. Embracing self-confidence and self-belief can liberate you from the burden of external judgment, empowering you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life.

6. Say 'yes.'

If anxiety has been preventing you from moving forward in various aspects of your life, avoiding anxiety-provoking situations may not be the best long-term solution. Instead, consider taking a proactive approach to address and overcome your fear of judgment. Start saying "yes" to new opportunities as they arrive in your life.

Each time you take a step outside your comfort zone and successfully handle the situation, your confidence will grow. Remember that growth comes from embracing discomfort and pushing yourself beyond your perceived limitations.

7. Stop chasing approval from others.

The opinions and perceptions that others hold about you are beyond your control, and attempting to alter them can be a futile and exhausting endeavor. Instead, focus your energy and efforts on embracing your authenticity and staying true to yourself .

It's natural to desire validation and acceptance from others, but it's essential to recognize that their judgments do not define your worth or determine your path in life. By accepting yourself for who you are and valuing your unique qualities, you can unlock your true potential.

RELATED: The 3 Things People Immediately Judge You On When You First Meet Them

8. Focus on being happy.

Regret can be an emotional burden that far outweighs the temporary discomfort of criticism. Instead of conforming to external expectations, choose to live authentically, aligning your actions with your inner values and aspirations.

Living a life true to yourself may require breaking free from societal norms and facing opposition from those who fail to understand your choices. It's worth it to focus on your happiness.

9. Remember that it's not about you.

When someone passes judgment on you, it's not really about you at all — it's a reflection of their own fears, limitations, and perceptions.

By understanding that the judgments of others are often a reflection of their own experiences and values, you learn not to take them personally. Instead, focus on aligning your choices with your own aspirations and values, free from the expectations and opinions of others.

10. Stop making assumptions.

Making assumptions often leads to misguided conclusions. You can never truly know what others think about you unless you give them the chance to express themselves. Preconceived notions and assumptions about people's opinions can lead us astray and rob us of potential support and understanding.

By being open and receptive to others' perspectives, you discover that some of your fears are unfounded, and can gain a newfound appreciation for the power of genuine communication and connection.

RELATED: To The People Who Are 'Concerned' With My Life Choices

Jill P. Weber , Ph.D. is a relationship expert and author. Her work has been featured in Psychology Today, USA Today, Nightline, Teen Vogue, Redbook, Family Circle, Seventeen, CNN, Associated Press, U.S. News and World Report, and Discovery Channel.

This article was originally published at Psychology Today . Reprinted with permission from the author.

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My Biggest Fear and How I Overcame It

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Published: Mar 17, 2023

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The Real Reason You're Afraid Of Judgment

Naturally, as humans, we want the world to see us as competent, attractive, and impressive; we don't like it when what we do or who we are is judged negatively. This seems pretty obvious, but it becomes a problem when our fear of judgment from others impacts how we live our lives. The root of feeling afraid of judgment comes from wanting to be liked all the time by everyone and not rejected ever (via Psychology Today ). This is, of course, impossible.

But it can be easy to get too focused on whether people like us and use other people's acceptance to validate our decisions and our self-worth; we may focus on the fear of not being enough in someone else's eyes (from Thrive Global ). We may be scared that our ideas will be considered silly, or be convinced people will think we're awkward or weird. So to prevent potentially being judged negatively, we may not open up to the world with our ideas and ourselves.

An extreme fear of judgment from others can become problematic and severe and could be a diagnosable social anxiety disorder , as noted by the  National Institute of Mental Health .

We'll be judged by others, but we need the self-confidence to know we're enough

We're often our own worst critics, and we may then assume that whatever negative thing we think about ourselves, other people will think that too (from Creative Live ). And research published in the " Journal of Personality and Social Psychology " has shown that our brains respond to negative input more strongly compared to positive input; it turns out, we're wired to focus on more negative stuff. It's all too easy to get caught up in that negative anxiety of potential judgement, fearing being "found out" as not good enough by others if we don't have the self-confidence to know that we're enough.

But there's really no way to never be judged by others; it's going to happen and we can't control what others think (from Psychology Today ). We can work to control how we think about ourselves, though. Tackling the fear of judgement is making sure that validation comes from within and not from external sources. Being compassionate with ourselves and filtering out our own negative self-judgement will help lessen the fear of judgement from others (from Business Insider ).

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My Lifelong Battle with the Fear of Being Judged

This piece revolves around my deep-seated fear of being judged, a sentiment that has plagued me since my early years. Whether it was ingrained in my personality or fostered by my environment, I always found myself avoiding social situations and constantly worrying about how others perceived me. This fear became a constant companion, leading me to steer clear of any situation that would put me in the spotlight. Consequently, I missed out on numerous opportunities that could have facilitated my personal growth.

My fear of judgment has transformed me into an extremely timid individual. I have consistently taken the path of least resistance, avoiding any actions that might make me stand out. Unfortunately, this only intensified my fear, resulting in social anxiety. I have remained confined within my comfort zone, never pushing myself to enhance my social and communication skills. However, my university experience has presented me with abundant opportunities to break free from this cycle.

In this essay, I will delve into the ways in which my fear of judgment has impacted my past and how I am currently striving to overcome it. I am resolute in confronting my fears and transforming into a more confident and extroverted person.

Shyness, in simple terms, refers to the act of evading social interactions or struggling with effective communication. Although I have always been an introvert, my initial experiences did not instill a fear of judgment within me.

My early school life was quite tumultuous as I attended a chaotic institution. I frequently fell victim to bullying and struggled academically. This undoubtedly contributed to my present disposition. Consequently, I was transferred to a different school, where my academic performance drastically improved. Though not particularly talkative, I actively participated in class and engaged in plays and presentations, albeit nervously when faced with an audience.

I received praise from my teacher for being quiet in class, so any deviation from that behavior resulted in reprimands. Disappointing my teacher deeply affected me, and I made it a point to remain silent in class for an extended period, even though I now realize that I had done nothing wrong at the time. This also played a part in shaping my current mindset.

In the 5th grade, I made a mess of two plays or presentations I was involved in, forgetting some of the lines I had memorized and falling into complete silence. It took me nearly half a minute to regain my composure and start speaking again. This incident triggered a fear of being judged and ridiculed, which is commonly known as social anxiety. This marked the beginning of a downward spiral.

Following that traumatizing experience, I began to shy away from participating in extracurricular activities and refrained from actively engaging in class discussions out of fear of providing the wrong answer and becoming a subject of laughter. As time went on, my confidence dwindled, and I fell into a state of depression. I started viewing myself as worthless and missed out on various social events and gatherings. Subsequently, I failed to forge strong friendships with anyone and immersed myself in playing video games at home. It is worth mentioning that I have closer connections with friends I’ve made online than with those in real life, which speaks volumes about my situation.

At some point during my college years, I experienced an epiphany and realized that I despised the person I had become. I knew that if I remained stagnant and squandered the opportunities presented to me in college and beyond, I would never achieve success in life.

During my university years, I made a personal commitment to myself to make changes in my life. I seized every opportunity to better myself, creating a daily schedule and sticking to it. I became more dedicated to my studies and successfully gained admission to my preferred university. I also made an effort to spend more time with friends, actively participate in class, and before I knew it, my college life was over. I now have a close circle of friends whom I still maintain contact with, and although I still have some fear of judgment, I am less shy than before. The next four years of university life are crucial for personal growth. It provides the ideal environment for learning, development, and becoming a better individual overall. Even though I may still be reserved in class, I try to be more talkative in order to connect with my classmates and get to know them better. I make it a point to greet my teachers and actively participate in class. Stepping out of my comfort zone, I even volunteer for interviews with societies. All these factors, coupled with upcoming opportunities such as class projects and events, will contribute to my personal growth. Little by little, I am starting to look forward to the future rather than being afraid of it.

Works Cited

• Alden, L. E., Taylor, C. T., & Mellings, T. M. (2008). Social anxiety and the interpretation of positive social events. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 22(4), 577-590.
• American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). American Psychiatric Publishing.
• Crozier, W. R., & Alden, L. E. (Eds.). (2011). International handbook of social anxiety: Concepts, research, and interventions relating to the self and shyness. John Wiley & Sons.
• Hofmann, S. G. (2007). Cognitive factors that maintain social anxiety disorder: A comprehensive model and its treatment implications. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, 36(4), 193-209.
• La Greca, A. M., & Lopez, N. (2008). Social anxiety among adolescents: Linkages with peer relations and friendships. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 36(3), 395-409.
• Leary, M. R. (2012). Social anxiety as an early warning system: A refinement and extension of the self-presentation theory of social anxiety. In L. A. Schmidt & W. B. Bard (Eds.), The Social Psychology of Communication (pp. 23-40). Psychology Press.
• Rapee, R. M., & Heimberg, R. G. (Eds.). (1997). Social phobia: Diagnosis, assessment, and treatment. Guilford Press.
• Stopa, L., & Clark, D. M. (2000). Social phobia and interpretation of social events. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 38(3), 273-283.
• Vriends, N., Becker, E. S., Meyer, A., & Michael, T. (2007). Social anxiety and overgeneralization of social events in adolescents. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry, 38(3), 304-313.
• Weeks, J. W., Heimberg, R. G., & Rodebaugh, T. L. (2008). The fear of positive evaluation scale: Assessing a proposed cognitive component of social anxiety. Journal of Anxiety Disorders, 22(1), 44-55.

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