my cat died essay

Candid conversation about grief . Beginners welcome.

My Cat’s Death Broke My Brain

It wasn’t just my heart that went to pieces when she left my side.

By Sarah Chauncey

Hedda (Courtesy of Sarah Chauncey)

The night my 20-year-old cat Hedda was euthanized, I pulled on sweatpants to take a walk and only later realized they were threadbare, possibly indecent, in back. It was a glitch in my brain — one of many to come —that took me by surprise.

I thought I was pretty prepared: For the previous four years, vets had given Hedda “weeks to months,” and every time, I’d burst into tears as my heart slowly fractured. I’d cried oceans before she took her last breath.

Also, I’d already experienced significant loss in my life: My mother died when I was nine, my three closest friends when I was in my early 20s, and my father when I was 36. I knew my heart would ache, I would cry, and my life would continue — re-shaped by the grief.

READ: My ‘Recovery Cat’ Would Never Recover

After Hedda’s death, I didn’t ruminate. I didn’t believe that she shouldn’t have died, or that I couldn’t go on without her. If you’d asked me, I would simply have said I felt sad.

But my brain told a different story.

We all know that grief affects our bodies, but we may not realize that includes our brains.

Our “upper brain” — our cerebral cortex — helps us make sense of the world, interpreting electrical signals into things like words, shapes, colors, and ideas. When we grieve, activity in those regions is dulled . Meanwhile, our ”lower brain” — including the limbic system, responsible for the “fight-flight-freeze response” — revs up.

However, the precise ways that grief affects the brain are very individual. Neuroscientist Shannon Odell, host of Internet show “Your Brain On Blank,” explains, “Grief is an incredibly complex process that seems to affect different people in different ways.” There is no “typical” for a grieving brain.

Here’s how my “grief brain” looked:

I lost track of time. It wasn’t just, “What’s the date today?” I had no idea how whether it was Friday or Tuesday. I did know when it was Wednesday at 4 p.m., though. For two months, my body somehow remembered the weekly anniversary of Hedda’s death. I’d be standing on a street corner, waiting for the light to change, and I’d feel a sudden heaviness in my chest. I’d glance at my phone, and sure enough — 4 p.m.
My dyslexia, normally mild, became pronounced for several days after Hedda’s death. Instead of only confusing certain letters or numbers, I mixed up words and inverted entire sentences.
For a full week, I had trouble processing sensory information. I stood in the bulk aisle of the grocery store, staring at items — might have been nuts, might have been coffee — without being able to process what they were or whether I liked them. I heard sounds but was unable to determine where they were coming from. My body felt foreign, as my mind attuned to my inner world. (This was not a great combination with the icy sidewalks of early December.)

READ: Had My Dog Come Back As a Squirrel?

It’s ironic, in a way. When Hedda came into my life, I was a 30-year-old entertainment writer, a Type A on antidepressants and anxiety meds. I chain-smoked and drank four liters of Diet Pepsi every day. By the time she left, not one of those things was true. In between, there had been multiple partners, apartments, jobs, and— most significantly — increasing mental health crises and ever-stronger medications. By 2008, when I had a full-on breakdown, most humans had written me off, but Hedda lay with me on the couch, one paw on my head, purring. When in 2010, against all logic and medical advice, I decided to go off medication and search for inner peace in a non-pharmaceutical way, she was there, too.

I don’t recall feeling so disoriented when my mother died. Rather than causing abrupt, short-term changes in my brain, that loss probably changed my developing brain in ways that were more gradual and lasting.

When three of my friends died at the height of the AIDS epidemic, it was the first time I realized that grief can break us open and make us gentle. When we’re forced to accept what seems unacceptable, the sharp edges of the ego dissolve, leaving us only with the raw experience of the moment. I remember wandering around Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C., and thinking, “No amount of chocolate Häagen Dazs can fix this.” Yet we had a community of activists, friends, and support workers, and we had all experienced the same thing. If grief is like living on a different planet, we had enough people to colonize it. We all experienced brain fog, and it became a collective “new normal” for a while.

My brain also didn’t derail when my father died. Although I grieved, he hadn’t been a significant part of my daily life since I was an adolescent.

By contrast, Hedda had slept on my bed almost every night for the previous two decades. She’d awakened me every morning at 5:59 a.m. on the dot with a swat to my mouth. If I worked past 9 p.m., she would come into my office and meow insistently. For the previous several years, I had rubbed pain medicine onto her ears twice daily, measured kidney and joint supplements onto her food, and given her subcutaneous fluids every week.

My grief for Hedda was my grief, and mine alone. I was lucky to have immense support from friends, but none of them had shared the unique bond between Hedda and me.

I often process events by writing about them, and this was no different. I wrote tens of thousands of words in the wake of Hedda’s death. I did it because I felt compelled to, but it turns out writing was good for me. Not only did it flood my brain with all the positive emotions associated with two decades of unconditional love; it also soothed my amygdala, the part of the brain that processes emotions, and re-focused my prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for thinking and reasoning. By the time the new year rolled around, about a month later, I’d begun to come back into the world — a world without Hedda, but a world I knew I could learn to navigate.

Sarah Chauncey is a writer and editor who has written for outlets from Comedy Central to EckhartTolle.com. She manages P.S. I Love You More Than Tuna, “a celebration of nine lives,” on Facebook and Instagram and has written an upcoming gift book for adults grieving their cats.

Tags: Cat Loss , Dyslexia , Grieving Brain , Mental Illness , Pet Loss , Science , sliderblog Published on January 31, 2019

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I Miss My Cat Like Crazy After He Died, (But Kept My Grief Secret)

We sat down with Michael Zadoorian , an accomplished writer and published author who shares the reasons why he hid his deep grief after his beloved cat, Bongo, died.

“My cat died, and I miss my cat, but I was embarrassed to admit it,” says Zadoorian. “The loss of a cat, and the grief that follows, is not something we’re good at talking about.”

In this article, Zadoorian shares his deeply personal journey of loss after the death of his cat, Bongo. He also shares some practical advice for what to do when your cat dies.

I Miss My Cat, But I Hide My Grief About His Death From My Family and Friends

I Miss My Cat Who Died, But I Can’t Express My Grief

“As a huge animal lover, I was really touched by the article that you wrote for the Huffington Post in which you share your grief after your cat, Bongo, died” shares our interviewer, Courtney Murdock.

“Would you share your story with our viewers?” asks Murdock.

Zadoorian’s beloved cat, Bongo.

“Sure. At around the end of last year, we found out that my cat, Bongo, was seriously ill, and he ultimately passed away,” replies Zadoorian.

“Afterwards, I found myself having a really hard time dealing with his death and I went through a long period of grieving very hard.

“I noticed that I was kind of hiding my grief as if I wasn’t allowed to have grief for my cat. It was a strange sort of thing.

“I had noticed at one of my vet visits leading up to Bongo’s death that there was a man there who was kind of ashamed of the grief that he had for his cat that just died.

“It started getting me thinking about men and cats and how we are perhaps allowed to grieve more for certain creatures than we are for other ones .

“So this is how I got the idea for the essay. I also wrote it as a kind of catharsis as well,” states Zadoorian.

“Yes, it must have been very therapeutic,” responds Murdock.

“Absolutely,” affirms Zadoorian.

“So that is really where it started and I just wanted to examine the idea of men and cats and grief and the ideas about how much people are allowed to grieve for a particular creature [after they have died].”

I Miss My Cat Enormously, but it Seems Absurd!

“What were some of the different emotions that you struggled with when you were grieving Bongo?” asks Murdock.

“Well, I think it was just sort of a grief. I mentioned one thing in the essay about weeping over his litter pan,” laughs Zadoorian.

“My other cat was there at the time and she was looking at the storage space where he usually sat, and it was strange just because I couldn’t help but see the absurdity of this.

“She was yowling because she didn’t get any closure or anything like that either. He [my cat Bongo] just disappeared one day.

So, this was just one of the kinds of things I kept noticing over and over again and I did notice myself sort of hiding my grief.

“I was also going through a lot of other things in my life at this particular time, so I think that that also contributed to this very, very intense reaction that I had.

“But, like I say in my essay, none of which is to diminish my love for my cat because I was crazy about him ,” shares Zadoorian.

Grief After the Loss of a Cat is not Validated by Society

“In your essay, you wrote that you felt like you had what many would consider an ‘inappropriate’ amount of grief for a cat’. Why do you think that society doesn’t validate deep grief after the death of a cat?” asks Murdock.

“You know, I’m not entirely sure and that is something that I at least wanted to examine or talk about in the essay,” explains Zadoorian.

“I talk about in my essay, you know—’How much is a 200-pound man allowed to grieve the death of a 10-pound tabby?'” laughs Zadoorian.

“It felt like I wasn’t allowed [to grieve] much. It was the sort of thing where people would just seem to have this attitude like, ‘Okay man, that’s enough. Shake it off. I don’t want to hear about [how your cat died]. It’s just a cat’.

“This is one of those things where in reactions after the article, I had a bunch of people come to me with similar stories like, ‘My husband was really upset about our cat dying and his friends are just saying things like, “Shake it off dude, it’s just a cat!” ’

“It just seemed like, ‘Why do we do this? Why are you not allowed to feel what you’re feeling?’

“So I definitely think that, especially men, are not allowed to feel that much , or we think that we aren’t allowed to feel that much.

“And this is also one of those stupid things that men do to each other as well. One of the many stupid things men do!” jokes Zadoorian.

“Let’s not get started on that!” laughs Murdock.

“Exactly!” smiles Zadoorian.

Cat Death Not Recognized Like Dog Death

“Do you think that we as a society value some pets more than others and does this translate into a greater understanding of grief for that type of animal?

“For example, do we understand grief after a dog dies more than we would understand grief after a cat, goldfish or a hamster dies?” asks Murdock.

“Yeah, I think that the world is more accepting of people grieving for a dog and I don’t know why that is .

“People love dogs and I don’t know if it has anything to do with size or weight. That is something that pops up a lot in [my essay] and why that is.

“But it is also about an emotional connection , and I do think that sure, you can have an emotional connection with a goldfish or a hamster.

“But with all of us and all of our pets, it’s about what we project onto them as well .

“But, dogs are king here in America and people love their dogs, which is wonderful and they should! But I think that there is more of an acceptance in grieving for a larger creature than a smaller one .

“It may tie into the whole [idea of] why we eat certain animals and why we don’t [eat others].”

“Oh absolutely!” affirms Murdock.

“‘Oh those are cute! Those are ugly—let’s eat those. It’s crazy—it makes no sense!” laughs Zadoorian.

Death of a Cat Hurts Just as Much as the Death of a Relative

“How would you explain to someone that the loss of a pet can hurt just as much as the loss of a relative, for example?” asks Murdock.

“You know, again, I think it’s about that emotional connection,” says Zadoorian. “You know there are people out there who love their animals more than they love their family .

“That can be a somewhat sad situation, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. You’re with your pets a lot.”

“Right, you care for them, you invest in them,” says Murdock.

“You care for them, they rely on you and they sense things in you,” says Zadoorian.

“This isn’t always the case for everyone with their family. You choose your pet, but you don’t choose your family.

“I really think that you feel what you feel, and it’s okay to grieve for your pet—your cat, your dog, your goldfish.

“And as far as people go, you know hopefully, if you’re lucky, you have a wonderful connection with your family. But, that is not always the case.

“So it is all about how and what you feel,” explains Zadoorian.

“Grief is such a personal experience and everyone grieves differently,” says Murdock.

“Absolutely!” affirms Zadoorian.

I Miss My Cat, So I'm on a Journey of Grief

I Miss My Cat, But I Want to Know When the Grief Ends?

“How long, in your experience, did it take you to feel a little better about the loss a beloved cat?

“When does the sadness go away? Does it go away? Should it go away?” asks Murdock.

“For me, it took a few months. We’re still missing him very much—he was a very special cat,” says Zadoorian.

“Whenever you read about grieving, a lot of people say you never really stop grieving you learn to live with your grief and I think that that is very true.

“You just sort of figure it out, and if you’re lucky, the things that used to make you cry will make you smile .”

“Well, just in anticipation of this interview last night, I was thinking of the family dog that I grew up with [that died].

“And those emotions of grief came back and I thought, ‘Wow, I haven’t just sat and thought about him in a long time,'” shares Murdock.

“I have a picture of the two of us on my dresser always, but I really started feeling those emotions of grief again.

“So, it really is true that grief never really goes away, you just learn to live with it and integrate it into your life,” says Murdock.

“Yeah, I think that’s absolutely true,” agrees Zadoorian.

What to do When Your Cat Dies?

“What is your best advice for someone out there who is grieving the loss of a cat or other pet?

“If I had to give one piece of advice, it would be to not go out and get a pet right away ,” emphasizes Zadoorian.

“I have a friend whose dog died and his wife was really broken up about it and he, as men often do, just wanted to fix things.

“So he wound up getting them another dog right away. The dog is very sweet, but he is not that dog [that died].

“I think that [the new] dog still has a little bit of a taint on it as being the replacement instead of the original.

“I think that it hurts a little bit to just be bereaved like that for however long it takes, but I do think that it helps ultimately.

“My wife and I hadn’t planned on getting another cat for a long time, but in our case, after about 4 months, our other cat was acting so sad and lost—I think that she was so used to always having another cat in the house,” explains Zadoorian.

“A companion,” says Murdock.

“Exactly,” replies Zadoorian.

“So we ended up getting a new cat earlier than we would have normally. We ended up adopting another cat after about four and a half months. It’s been working out really well.

“Our cat that we had before [Bongo died] is so much better now—much happier and healthier.

“Often annoyed and moving around a lot more,” laughs Zadoorian.

Is Adopting Another Cat Disloyal?

“This feeds nicely into my next question: ‘When you should consider adopting another pet?'” asks Murdock.

“I completely agree with you that you should not go out and get a new pet right away,” states Murdock.

“You might feel like you’re missing something and that getting a new pet will fix your feelings of grief, but it really won’t because it doesn’t replace that pet that [died] and you have to feel those feelings of grief.

“So, at what point do you consider adopting a new pet and what should you do if you have feelings like, ‘Am I being disloyal to the one that [died]?'”asks Murdock.

“I think that, like I said, you shouldn’t do something like that right away, it’s not going to be the same” says Zadoorian.

“You need to give yourself time.

“I think everyone requires a different amount of time, but if you still feel like you want to fill some kind of cat-shaped hole in your life, it might not be the right time yet .

“ You’ll know when you’re ready I think and be open to it. I also don’t think that there is any kind of disloyalty about it.

“A few people wrote me after the article came out and just said that there is no shame in going out and adopting another animal.

“You’re helping another cat or dog or some other animal, and this is a great way to honour the pet [that died] as well,” shares Zadoorian.

I Miss My Cat, But I Have Happy Memories

Cherishing Memories After the Loss of a Cat

“Here at Love Lives On , we believe in celebrating our loved one’s lives, now and forever,” says Murdock.

“You did something really great to ensure that Bongo’s memory lives on in your heart with the list that you created, and I thought it was a fantastic idea!

“Do you mind sharing a bit about this list you created about your cat?” asks Murdock.

“Sure, sure. It was when he was still around and not feeling well and I kind of knew that I was going to lose him, so I started writing down some things about him that I loved ,” shares Zadoorian.

“It was nice.

“It was a good thing for me to do and every once in a while I can look back on the list and remember things.

“Like the weird way he used to walk into a room and meow with a little question mark at end, as if he was saying, ‘What’s up?'” shares Zadoorian.

“I love the one about him curling into your sweater,” says Murdock.

“Yes!” laughs Zadoorian. “I’m at my writing desk right now. That’s something else I touched on in the article about cats and writers.

“He would jump up on the desk and nudge me until I would unzip my hoodie and he would climb in and sit there.

“And I would forget that he was in there because he was so comfortable until I would get up for a cup of coffee and realize I still had a cat in my sweatshirt.

“So I have a whole list of those things and it helped me. I wound up using a few of them in that essay as well.

“For me especially, but I think for people who might not even be professional writers, sometimes just writing a few of these things down and going through your feelings in that way and seeing them on a page or on a computer screen can be cathartic and really helpful,” shares Zadoorian.

Share Your Thoughts About Cat Loss

We appreciate Michael Zadoorian sharing his personal story with us. “My cat died. I miss my cat and I mourned him intensely. But now I cherish my memories,” he says. We hope that you find his insights on grief after a beloved cat has died helpful.

Have you ever grieved the loss of a special cat or another beloved pet? We would love to hear from you in the comments section below.

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Everything i know about a good death i learned from my cat, and i have her vet to thank.

By Elizabeth Lopatto
on February 23, 2015 01:39 pm

My cat has been dying for the last two years. It is normal to me now — it is simply the state of affairs. There's a rhythm to her medication: prednisone and urosodiol in the morning, urosodiol again in the evening, chemo every other day, a vitamin B shot once a week. And now, toward the end, painkillers. Over these last two years, I've come to suspect that my cat has gotten better, more comprehensive planning around her eventual death than most people do.

Dorothy Parker — Dottie, to her friends — is a cat I adopted in Brooklyn from a local vet; she made the cross-country hop with me to Oakland with minimal fuss. Her attitude, most of the time, is that of a 14-year-old Marxist in a Che Guevara T-shirt. One of her favorite moods is murder . She likes cuddling, hates strangers, and goes crazy for ice cream. She steals cheese. I live with a tiny, vicious alien, and I love her.

she's clawed out two years; i'd like longer, but that's not in the cards

We were lucky; she had an indolent leukemia — a slow-growing blood cancer. It responded well first to prednisone, then to chemotherapy when the prednisone alone was no longer enough. She’s clawed out two years; I’d like longer, but that’s not in the cards.

And this is where I feel I have been better served by my vet than many patients are by their doctors: we have had, for the last two years, a continuous conversation about Dottie’s end-of-life plan. No one has ever promised me a cure, or made me hope Dottie will beat cancer. I have not been shuttled from one expensive treatment to the next, in the hopes of another month or two. Some of this, doubtless, has to do with cost — I am paying for all her treatments, so my vet has to run through an itemized list of what she plans to do for Dottie so I can okay it. That also means that we talk about the risks and benefits of her treatments in great detail, so I can decide how best to treat her.

it is very difficult to look a person in the eye and tell her she is dying

But some of it, I suspect, is that it is very difficult to look a person in the eye and tell her she is dying — even though it may be the kindest possible thing to do. No one has to do that with a cat, and there’s only one person making Dottie’s decisions: me. I try to take what will make her happiest into account — it is the reason we pursued steroids as a main treatment, to keep the side-effects in check — but I don’t have to ask her how she wants to die.

Most Americans want to die at home ; most don’t do so. Only 19 percent of people ages 85 and older die at home . They die, instead, in the hospital or a nursing home .

A few years ago, "death panels" were a talking point for certain unscrupulous members of the political elite. The "death panels" conservative politicians scrambled to denounce were meant to provide people with the level of care my cat is receiving, to talk dying patients through how their death would go — so they could make their own decisions about where, when, and how they would die. So that maybe a few more Americans could die at home, surrounded by loved ones, instead of full of tubes in the ICU. The controversy these politicians created effectively torpedoed legislation that would have allowed more human beings to have the kind of dignity in death that my cat will have. That something so important was perverted for political purposes is a disgrace.

"Many critically ill people who die in hospitals still receive unwanted distressing treatments and have prolonged pain," the American Psychological Association — the largest professional organization of psychologists in the US — writes in its end-of-life care fact sheet . "Many fear that their wishes (advance directives) will be disregarded and that they will face death alone and in misery."

"many fear that their wishes will be disregarded and that they will face death alone and in misery."

Maybe some of it is that people don’t want to accept that death is coming; perhaps some patients want to rage against the dying of the light. But at least some of it is doctors, too. Doctors want to preserve hope in their patients — and probably also in themselves (one becomes a doctor to save lives, after all). "Talking about end of life is difficult for many physicians and their patients and has been a taboo topic in society generally," the APA writes. Doctors struggle to tell patients a cure is impossible; they’re often uncomfortable discussing treatment decisions, like whether the hospital or the home is the best setting for the patient. And some physicians believe they must do everything possible to prolong life no matter how much pain is involved. Some fear that offering palliative care and pain management suggests they’ve quit trying to help their patients, or that they’ve failed in their duties, the APA says. What’s more, few doctors receive education on these absolutely crucial conversations.

Doctors are increasingly recognizing this gap. The American Medical Association — the largest professional group of physicians in the US — has a statement on end-of-life care that focuses on doctors’ duties to alleviate suffering and listen carefully to patients’ needs. Every person, the AMA writes, should expect "the opportunity to discuss and plan for end-of-life care." That includes treatment preferences, worst-case scenarios, the chance to make a formal living will or advanced care directive, and help with creating these documents so they’ll be useful when needed. Patients should know their wishes will be honored, no matter whether they want "to communicate with family and friends, to attend to spiritual needs, to take one last trip, to finish a major unfinished task in life, or to die at home or at another place of personal meaning," the AMA says. Patients deserve "trustworthy assurance that dignity will be a priority" in death. They deserve the careful conversations that my vet and I had about my cat, at minimum.

patients deserve "trustworthy assurance that dignity will be a priority" in death

Dottie may make this decision for me; it’s possible one day soon I will wake up and discover that my cat did not. I’m not ready to line up euthanasia yet — and I don’t think she is, either — but I know what to expect. I know her life will end, and I’ve thought about how; I am prepared to deal with the logistics surrounding her death. And it’s because I’ve had difficult conversations with my cat’s health care provider that I’m ready. I only hope that when my own time comes, my doctor is as forthcoming as Dottie’s vet was.

Author's note: While we were editing this piece, Dottie abruptly got sicker — she began to vomit blood. She died at home on Sunday, February 22nd. Changing the tenses in this piece is a relatively simple edit; I cannot bring myself to make it.

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The New York Times

Opinionator | in my cat’s death, a human comfort.

In My Cat’s Death, a Human Comfort

Menagerie: Just between us species.

Recently, when I told a friend about my cat’s death from cancer, I found myself saying, “It was such a better experience than when my mom died!” I realized how crazy it sounded — I hadn’t meant to compare their deaths like accommodations on TripAdvisor — but it was true.

After the diagnosis in the vet’s office, a licensed social worker hugged me. She handed me tissues. We stayed in their office for nearly an hour.

My mother died 24 years ago, when I was still in my teens; she was given a diagnosis of metastatic melanoma on a Thursday night (her initial symptom was a stomachache) and died the following Saturday. During those nine days, as her condition worsened, the doctors told me what was happening only during brief, clinical updates in the hallway. The gastroenterologist had a bulbous, beige face; I called him Dr. Tuber. “She’s got a one in 1,000 chance, if you can get her to take the drugs and stop starving herself!” Dr. Tuber told me. He was frustrated that she had no appetite, since she was constantly vomiting. My father’s cardiologist, who we called Dr. Eeyore, stopped me in the hallway with news as well. “Statistically, men who lose their spouses have a big risk of a heart attack in the next year,” he said.

I never cried during these drive-by hallway death knells — I adhered to the unwritten hospital rule to remain stone-faced, like the guards at Buckingham Palace. When I needed to cry, I hid in a stall in the hospital bathroom. One afternoon, the social worker assigned to my mom caught me coming out of the stall, wiping my eyes. “What are you crying about? What’s wrong?” she asked, as if there was some inexplicable reason. I stood there, dumbfounded. “What you should do,” she told me, “is head down the street to Macy’s and go shopping.”

More than 15 years later, my husband and I dropped our cat, Sophie, off at the veterinarian for tests because she had a teary eye, as if she was weeping. When we picked her up, Dr. Young and her partner, Juliet, called us into their office and told us that Sophie was dying, also of skin cancer; she had squamous cell carcinoma, a tumor that had started in her mouth and created pressure, which caused her eye to tear. We discussed treatment, quality of life care, and the prognosis: she might live three months. Juliet, a licensed social worker, hugged me. She handed me tissues. We stayed in their office for nearly an hour. “We’ll give her the best care we can,” Juliet told us.

After that, Juliet called me regularly to check in. I told her how the only pet I’d lost was my overweight gerbil Snuffy, who died when he got stuck in the Habitrail and was now buried in a chocolate Pop-Tarts box in the yard of my childhood home in Queens. “Sophie’s the first animal I’ve truly loved,” I said. I told her how Sophie was my constant companion, since I worked at home; she liked to sleep in front of my laptop, like an ergonomic wrist pad. She had an epic romance with a cat we called Window Friend, who’d visit our fire escape daily to stare at Sophie longingly through the window; they’d press their faces against the glass like Pyramus and Thisbe. She liked to sit on our Brooklyn stoop in a large flowerpot and watch the passersby. She liked to eat my manuscripts.

And I thought often of how my mom died. We were at the foot of her hospital bed when she stopped breathing, and my sister screamed, and I cried. We were in a semiprivate room; everything we said was overheard by an older woman with a sharp face whose elderly mother was dying in the next bed. “Oyoyoyoyoy,” her mother kept chanting. That roommate had been an improvement over the woman who’d shared my mom’s room the night before: She wouldn’t stop shrieking. We tried to get my mother moved to another room, but they’d said none were available. The woman hollered all night long.

Three months after Sophie’s diagnosis, Dr. Young recommended surgery to try to extend her life a little longer, but a few minutes after the surgery ended, Sophie died. Zenny, a vet tech, brought her body to me swaddled in a pink blanket. He had tears in his eyes as he told me how quickly she’d changed — she’d been standing up after the surgery and recovering, and then she lay flat. She’d stopped breathing. They tried to revive her; they’d tried and tried, he’d said. Both Juliet and Dr. Young embraced me for a long time as I cried.

Sophie looked peaceful. She had pink bandages on her neck and her paw, with flower and heart stickers on them. I kissed her fur. Dr. Young and Juliet sat with me for over an hour and answered all my questions. Had the surgery been a bad decision? Would euthanasia have been better? Dr. Young assured me that it was what she would have done for her own cat. “Always remember that you did the right thing. Always hold that close to your heart. Never blame or doubt yourself,” she said.

I thought again of my mother’s death, and the bill that we received afterward from her longtime therapist, without a condolence note, charging us for a few phone calls my mom had made to her from her hospital bed as she was dying.

After my mom died, I blamed and doubted myself. I blamed myself for not staying overnight with her in the hospital, where she felt scared and lonely. I still blame myself for not working harder to get her moved from the shrieking woman’s room, and I wonder if that sleepless night hastened her death. I doubted whether I did everything I could to make her comfortable in her last days.

I blamed myself, too, when seven years after my mother’s death, Dr. Eeyore’s prophecy came true: my father felt a tightness in his chest, and I rode with him in a taxi to the same hospital where my mom had died. The staff ran tests in the ER and told me he was fine, but kept him overnight for observation. Dr. Eeyore called me the next day and told me to come at once. My father had suffered a major heart attack. When I arrived at the hospital, he was already dead. I only spent a few minutes with his body; I overheard a resident say, “We need that room.”

In Juliet’s office, they let me stay on their couch with Sophie’s body for as long as I wanted. My husband left work and met me there. “How long do you want to stay?” he asked me, staring at her body on my lap.

“Forever,” I said. I pictured myself wandering around the city, still holding my dead cat. Maybe my friends wouldn’t notice. Maybe they’d mistake her for a fur stole. When I’d told them about Sophie’s diagnosis, weeping, sometimes I felt ashamed to admit that I felt such deep grief over a cat. I wrote in my diary: “The strange thing is it’s not dissimilar from the grief I felt for Mommy and Daddy — how the grief displaces everything, and nothing feels the same anymore.”

More From Menagerie

Read previous contributions to this series.

Juliet called several times after Sophie died. She invited me to join a grief group that she ran, and though I never attended it, I liked knowing that I could if I needed it. I thought again of my mother’s death, and the bill that we received afterward from her longtime therapist, without a condolence note, charging us for a few phone calls my mom had made to her from her hospital bed as she was dying. Juliet never sent us a bill.

As the years passed and I tried to make sense of those deaths, at first I felt angry at Dr. Tuber and Dr. Eeyore for what I saw as their lack of compassion, especially compared to Dr. Young and Juliet. As time went on, though, the anger disappeared, and what was left was mostly questions. Was it because Sophie was an animal that her loss was easier to bear, and easier for Dr. Young and Juliet to give comfort? Or was it luck and the lack of it, to have encountered gentle care for my cat and harsh care for my parents?

In “A Natural History of Love,” Diane Ackerman writes that pets “help bridge that no-man’s-land between us and Nature.” When I think now of Sophie’s last days, I think that, because she was an animal, her loss felt more a part of the natural order, with its inevitable seasons and cycles of life and death. Humans spend so much of our lives railing against the idea of dying, or pretending that it doesn’t exist, or dreaming of eternal youth, or wishing to prolong our lives — and maybe it’s that fighting that made the experience of my parents’ deaths feel unbearable and inhumane, and made the death of my cat seem exceptionally human.

Margo Rabb is the author of the forthcoming novel “ Kissing in America .”

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How My Cat Died: A Heartbreaking Story

Losing a beloved pet can be one of the most challenging experiences in life. Grief is natural, and it can take time to process the loss. In this article, I will share the heartbreaking story of how my cat died. It is my hope that this story will serve as a reminder of the deep emotional bond that can exist between humans and their furry companions and inspire others to cherish their pets while they are still with them.

The Unbreakable Bond Between Us

My cat was not just any cat; she was my confidant, my companion, and my source of comfort. We were inseparable. The bond between us was so strong that we could understand each other without words. She was always there for me, and I was there for her.

The Day We First Met

The day I met my cat was a memorable one. She was a tiny kitten, with big green eyes and a fluffy coat. She was so curious and playful that I knew I had to take her home. From that moment on, we were inseparable.

Our Daily Routines and Adventures

Every day, my cat and I would go on adventures together. Sometimes, we would climb trees or run through the park. Other times, we would curl up on the sofa and watch a movie. We had a routine, and it was one that we both enjoyed.

The Emotional Support She Provided

My cat was not just a pet. She was also my emotional support. She would always know when I was feeling down, and she would curl up next to me and purr until I felt better. Her love was unconditional, and it made every day brighter.

The Warning Signs and Symptoms

Despite our close bond, I failed to pick up on the warning signs and symptoms that something was wrong with my cat. Looking back, I should have recognized that something was off, but I was blinded by my love for her.

Changes in Behavior and Appetite

My cat’s behavior started to change. She became lethargic, and she stopped playing. Additionally, she lost her appetite and was no longer interested in her favorite foods.

At first, I thought it was just a phase. Cats can be finicky eaters and sometimes lose interest in their food. However, as the days went by, I realized that this was not a passing phase. My cat’s behavior was becoming increasingly concerning, and I knew that something was wrong.

I tried to coax her into eating her favorite treats, but she refused. I also noticed that she was sleeping more than usual and seemed less interested in playing with her toys. These changes in behavior were a clear indication that something was not right.

Frequent Visits to the Vet

Of course, I took her to the vet immediately. The vet ran several tests and exams, but they were unable to diagnose the issue. My cat’s condition continued to deteriorate, and I felt helpless.

I was constantly worried about my cat’s health and well-being. I spent countless hours researching her symptoms and trying to find a solution. I even reached out to other pet owners online to see if they had any advice or similar experiences.

Despite all my efforts, my cat’s health continued to decline. She was losing weight rapidly, and her once shiny coat had become dull and unkempt. It was heartbreaking to see her suffer, and I felt like I was failing her as a pet owner.

The Importance of Regular Checkups

It was only after my cat’s passing that I realized the importance of regular checkups. Even if your pet appears healthy, it is crucial to take them to the vet for routine checkups to ensure that they are in good health. I wish I had done this for my cat.

Regular checkups can help detect any underlying health issues early on, which can prevent them from becoming more serious. It is also an opportunity to discuss any concerns or questions you may have with your vet.

As pet owners, it is our responsibility to ensure that our furry friends are happy and healthy. Regular checkups are just one way to ensure that we are meeting that responsibility.

The Heartbreaking Diagnosis

After weeks of tests and exams, my cat was finally diagnosed with a terminal illness. I was devastated. The vet suggested that I should prepare for the worst.

The Vet’s Prognosis

The vet told me that my cat would likely pass away within the next few months. There was no cure for her condition, and the best we could do was to keep her comfortable for as long as possible.

As I left the vet’s office, tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t believe that my beloved cat, who had been my constant companion for years, was now facing such a grim prognosis. I felt helpless, and I didn’t know what to do.

Coming to Terms with the Reality

Coming to terms with my cat’s diagnosis was one of the most challenging things I have ever done. I felt like I was losing a part of myself. However, I knew that I had to be strong for my cat and make the most of our remaining time together.

At first, I struggled to accept the reality of the situation. I couldn’t imagine life without my furry friend by my side. But as the days went by, I began to cherish every moment we had together. I spent hours cuddling with her, playing with her favorite toys, and giving her all the love and attention she deserved.

Despite the sadness I felt, I knew that I had to stay positive for my cat’s sake. She could sense my emotions, and I didn’t want her to feel any additional stress or anxiety. So, I made a conscious effort to focus on the good times we had shared and to create new memories that we could cherish together.

Seeking a Second Opinion

Feeling desperate, I sought a second opinion. Unfortunately, the prognosis was the same. My cat’s condition was terminal, and there was nothing more that could be done.

Although the second opinion confirmed what I already knew, I felt a sense of relief knowing that I had explored all of my options. I had done everything in my power to help my cat, and that was all that mattered.

As I continued to care for my cat in the weeks that followed, I found comfort in knowing that I was doing everything I could to make her comfortable and happy. I knew that our time together was limited, but I was determined to make the most of it.

The Final Days Together

Knowing that my cat’s time was limited, I made sure to make the most of our remaining days together. I wanted her to know how much I loved her and how grateful I was for our time together.

Making the Most of Our Time

We spent our days cuddling, playing, and just being present with each other. It was bittersweet, knowing that our time together was limited, but I am grateful for every moment we had. I remember how my cat would curl up next to me while I read a book or watched TV. Her purring was a soothing sound that filled my heart with warmth and joy.

During our time together, I also made sure to spoil my cat with her favorite treats and toys. She loved playing with a feather wand and chasing after toy mice. Seeing her happy and playful brought a smile to my face and made me forget about the inevitable goodbye that was looming.

Creating Lasting Memories

I also captured special moments of my cat in photos and videos. These memories are precious to me and serve as a reminder of the joy my cat brought me. I have a collection of pictures of my cat sleeping in funny positions, playing with her toys, and even wearing a silly hat on Halloween.

One of my favorite memories of my cat was when she would curl up on my lap and fall asleep while I worked on my laptop. Her soft fur and gentle breathing were a comforting presence that helped me focus and feel less stressed.

Preparing for the Inevitable

As painful as it was, I also had to prepare for the inevitable. I talked to the vet about my cat’s final moments and what I could expect. I wanted to make sure that my cat was comfortable and not in pain. The vet was kind and understanding, and she gave me advice on how to make my cat’s final moments peaceful and dignified.

On the day my cat passed away, I held her in my arms and whispered words of love and comfort to her. I could feel her heartbeat slowing down, and I knew that she was slipping away. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life, but I am comforted by the fact that she knew how much I loved her.

Losing a pet is never easy, but holding onto the beautiful memories and cherishing the time you had together can help ease the pain. My cat will always hold a special place in my heart, and I am grateful for the love and companionship she brought into my life.

The Day My Pet Died: How To Cope When Your Pet Passes Away

by Celes |
Filed in Emotional Mastery

January 28, 2015. I’ll never forget this day. It was the day my cat, Nancy Bird, died. He was two.

We (my husband and I) don’t know what led him to his death, and probably will never know. All we know is that he likely fell from one of the top floors of our building (we last saw him at the 9th floor before we went for our jog; an hour later we found his body on the ground floor). It’s either that (1) he slipped and fell by his own carelessness (quite unlikely), (2) he was surprised by someone/something and slipped and fell, or (3) someone pushed him off the building. We shudder to even consider the third possibility.

As we handled his dead body, all I could see was that he was completely motionless. The gentle expansions and contractions of his small body that I had come to associate as part of everyday living as I watched him sleep each night were no more. This is Nancy, the sweet human-like cat whom I had almost come to see as my child. Towards the final two months of Nancy’s life, Ken and I would often talk about our future with him in it. We would talk about how we were going to bring Nancy with us should we move house. We would talk about bringing Nancy to a new park, using the new cat carrier that we bought specially for him, so that he could explore a new place. I would always visit the pet shop every few days, looking at new treats and food to get for Nancy.

But no more.

Nancy and Kiki, two brothers in one of their usual sparring sessions. That’s Nancy on the right… ♥

For those of you who don’t have a pet, today’s post on how to cope with pet loss will probably be meaningless. You need not read any further. But for those of you who have a pet and/or lost a pet before, I hope this post will be of some value. Death comes to all living beings. For our little furry (or non-furry) ones, it just happens that they have a shorter natural life span than us, which means the odds are we’ll have to deal with losing them at some point in our life. Today, I share 8 tips to help you to cope with your pet passing away.

(For simplicity, I’ll be using the pronoun “it” for pets in this article. However, know that I acknowledge your pet as a complete living being, just like you and me.)

1) Decide what to do with your pet’s body

The common options are to (1) bury your pet, (2) cremate, and (3) dispose of the body in the trash bin. If you have a backyard or a garden, you can bury your pet there. For cremation, vet clinics should have this service, so check with them directly. Pet crematories are another option (in Singapore, there are Pets Cremation Center , Pet Hotel , and Mobile Pet Cremation ). As for option #3, if your pet has been with you for a good period, I believe it deserves a better sending off than being dumped into the bin.

For Ken and me, we chose to bury Nancy. We picked a private spot near our home, where the birds hang out and the sun shines brightly in the day — very fitting for him as he loved chirping at birds (yes, he could chirp like a bird!) and bathing in the sun. Ken, using non-existent gardening equipment, dug away for a good hour in the wee hours of the night before we finally set him into the ground with his favorite toy, some cat food, a wooden plank as his afterlife scratch post, and some water.

2) Give yourself time to grieve

Please ignore the people who tell you to “move on,” “cheer up,” or “get a new pet” when the news of your pet’s death has barely set in. I’m not saying that their advice is bad. They likely have the best intentions. But you need to give yourself time to grieve before thinking about “moving on.”

Do you know the five stages of loss? First proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book “ On Death and Dying ,” they are:

Denial — Where the person imagines a false, happier reality, such as imagining his/her pet is still alive.
Anger — Where the person, in realizing that this false, happier reality cannot exist, experiences anger at the world or even him/herself. “Why is this happening? How can God do this to me?”
Bargaining — Where the person tries to bargain with a higher power, such as a vet or even God, to improve the situation. “What if I do X? Perhaps he/she will come back?” “Can you bring him/her back through XXX?”
Depression — In realizing that the death is a fact, the person sinks into a state of sadness. He/she may isolate him/herself from the world to mourn and grief.
Acceptance — The person embraces that mortality and his/her pet’s death are a part of life. He/she begins to move on.

While these stages do not necessarily come in order (someone can jump from stage 1 to 4 then to 3), nor are all stages experienced by everyone, Kübler-Ross states that a person always experiences at least two of the stages . IMO, one has to fully work through the first 4 stages (whichever stages that apply) before reaching the “Acceptance” stage. Yet, because many take “Acceptance” as the ultimate end goal, they rush to get there without properly grieving. They force themselves to “accept” their loss when they’ve yet to deal with their emotions. They pretend to be happy and engage in mood-lifting activities when they’re still deeply aggrieved about their loss.

Please take time to properly grieve. I can’t tell you what’s the appropriate length of time; only you can decide. Your relationship with your pet is unique to both of you and there shouldn’t be any benchmark of an appropriate length. For some it can be weeks; for others it can be months; for those who had their pets from the day they were born all the way till their death, the grieving may well take a year or more.

For us, we only had Nancy for 6 months, yet the loss is real. I cried each day for the first 3 days; Ken also teared during this period. While I slowly worked on moving on after that, not a week goes by when I wouldn’t casually comment to Ken about how I miss Nancy and some random thing about him. I do this even today, 3 months after his death. I doubt I would ever stop talking about Nancy; he lives on forever in our hearts.

3) Revisit and celebrate memories of your pet

One of the steps that helped me to process my grief is revisiting my memories of Nancy and celebrating them. While Nancy was alive, we recorded a good number of video clips and took many pictures of him and his brother Kiki. After he died, especially in the first week, I watched these clips and reviewed the photos with Ken several times a day, to cherish our happy memories together. For every clip and every photo, I would recall the moment it was taken and feel grateful for it. I do this from time to time even today to celebrate our good times together.

I also started this list of Nancy’s traits and idiosyncrasies that made him so special, as part of honoring him and keeping him in our memory. For example, he had this special hiding spot at the second floor of our building where he would hang out and “sun bathe” every afternoon. He would walk us out whenever we left home and would wait by the stairs till we returned home each night. We truly believe he had a human consciousness, in that he had a very high level of awareness and seemed able to understand us. Whenever I spoke to him, he would respond with single, double, or triple meows and with varying intonations (depending on what I said). Every night, I would have a mini-conversation with him where I would say random things and he would respond to each line.

Him sneaking a bite out of my bread. This was during the 14-Day Healthy Living Challenge this year. :)

The brothers sleeping on the sofa. :) We noticed that they would always be in positions that “mirrored” each other, like here.

Nancy at my work desk, by the window. He liked this spot for the sunshine. :)

Nancy would wait by the stairs for us to come home each day

As you grieve your loss, revisit your past memories of your pet:

What do you love most about your pet? Pen these down in a list.
What made it so special to you? Add them to the list too.
Any videos and photos you took of/with your pet that you can look at, as you celebrate memories of it?
Where were its favorite spots and play areas? Revisit them and soak in good memories of/with it.

As you recall each memory, don’t rush through the recollection process. Play the memory thoroughly in your mind and try to remember as much of it as possible. Cherish that moment you had with your little one. Soak in the emotion you felt at that time, be it happiness, annoyance (at your pet, if it did something wrong), laughter, or sadness. Be grateful that you had this opportunity to experience this with it. Then process the next memory.

4) Know that it isn’t your fault

Some of you may blame yourself for your pet’s death, even when it has nothing to do with you. For example, I had a business friend, P, who blamed himself when his dog died, even though she died of old age. That’s because on the day she died, he rushed out of home for work instead of hugging her goodbye like he usually did. His dog passed away later that day. P was aggrieved beyond words. He couldn’t believe that his beloved pet’s last memory of him was him rushing off for some “stupid work” as opposed to hugging her and showing her affection.

In our coaching conversation, I told P that while it was unfortunate that he didn’t get to hug his dog in their final interaction, his dog’s memory of her life isn’t going to be made up of just that one memory. After all, she lived to a ripe old age of over 10 years, almost all of which were with P. How on earth would 10 years of happy memories be surpassed by that one moment where he didn’t hug her, because he had to go to work? This was even assuming that his dog felt upset at all, when she most likely — as a cognizant being with a deep relationship with her owner — understood that P didn’t hug her because he had to go to work, and not because he didn’t love her. Hearing this, P felt his grief lessen as he realized his self-blame was unwarranted, and simply an expression of his love for his dog.

For me, in the initial days, even weeks, after Nancy’s death, I had to reconcile that Nancy’s death wasn’t my fault. That’s because I kept wondering,

What if we didn’t go jogging? Because I was the one who suggested jogging to Ken, after which we went to jog — and the cats then followed us out of the apartment as they always would. Otherwise, they would be resting in our home and the fall would have been adverted.
What if we just took the cats into the lift as opposed to letting them roam the corridors? Then there would have been no fall to speak of.
What if I returned home straight after my jog, as opposed to accompanying Ken to get his dinner? I could have reached home before the ill-fated fall happened, and perhaps adverted Nancy’s death.

While either of these actions would have most likely adverted Nancy’s fall and thus death, the most important thing was to recognize that I’m not a fortune teller and neither I (nor Ken) could have predicted that Nancy would die that night. As Nancy’s semi-owner (he was a stray who would regularly visit our home; same for Kiki), we did the best we could, within the context of our situations. While we would do anything to bring him back, the reality is that Nancy is gone, and blaming myself isn’t going to bring him back. And I believe that Nancy wouldn’t want us to blame ourselves either.

Nancy perched by the window. He always liked to jump on platforms and higher ledges to get a better view of the world. I always felt that his eyes were very beautiful, dark with a black rim around them.

Perhaps you are blaming yourself for your pet’s death. Maybe you’re thinking, What if… ? , and the million other things you could have done to keep his/her alive.

However, recognize that death is a part of life, including death by accidents, illnesses, and old age. While you can try to account for every single possibility and detail, there are things you cannot be held responsible for ultimately. Know that sometimes, death is just a natural path that needs to happen. The best thing you can do then is to accept death, even accidental death, as part of life, grieve properly (i.e. by giving yourself time to grieve and properly processing your emotions), and then start the process of moving on.

5) Do not get a rebound pet

This will probably go against some advice on pet loss out there, but I do feel quite strongly about this. Please don’t get a rebound pet to help you transition out of your grief.

Why? Because firstly, I see it as just an easy way out to avoid dealing with the feelings of grief that come with loss. Secondly, I believe a living being should be treated as a unique being, as opposed to someone else’s rebound. This includes animals. Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, if your pet was as important to you as you claim it was, then perhaps you want to spend some time grieving, properly honoring it and cherishing your memories of it, as opposed to getting a new pet right away to block out your feelings of loss.

Does it mean you can’t ever get a new pet? No, you can. Just make sure that when you do so, it’s because you wish to have a new pet and you are ready to care for it as it, NOT because you miss your old pet and you want a new pet to help you cope with your loss. Chances are, you will treat your new pet the way you used to treat your old one, and you will expect it to behave and react the way your previous pet used to — which will not only be unfair to your new pet, but will likely lead to frustrations between both of you as it fails your definition of a “perfect” pet. Furthermore, what if your new pet is completely different from your old pet, even defiant — what are you going to do with this? Put it back to the shelter? Give it up? No way! Having a pet is an important responsibility, and just like you have delicately cared for your previous pet while it was around, any new pet you take in deserves to be cared for as a unique being, not to fill in another’s shoes.

6) Know that your pet is in a better place

My personal belief about life/death is that there is an afterlife. We are spiritual beings here with a physical existence, and when we die, our souls live on. For some of us, our souls reincarnate with new physical bodies. For others, our souls may remain as formless spirits to continue our higher path.

It’s the same for pets. For Nancy, I believe he is in a better place. Because he was such a different cat, in that he was more of a human than a cat through his human-like mannerisms and his high consciousness, Ken and I believe that he probably died before his time so that he can transit to his higher path. His soul was too big for his cat body, if this makes sense. Most likely, his next life will be a human. And perhaps as our child if Ken and I ever have kids — who knows?

For your pet, I believe it has had a good life. After all, both of you got to cross paths and it got to be with you. :) I’ve no doubt that you’ve cared for it the best you could while he was around, and it was well loved. Now that it has died, it’s time for it to move to a better place and start a new phase of life. Trust that it is now in a better place, and that you couldn’t have done more during his/her time on Earth. You already did what you could.

7) Know that your pet will always be a part of you / your life

Perhaps one reason why people find it hard to move on is because “moving on” to them means acknowledging that their pet is gone forever.

However, I prefer to see things in a different way. I feel that just because your pet is gone doesn’t mean that it is fully gone. After all, it was a part of your life before, and perhaps a big part of your life for some of you. Hence, it isn’t going to “disappear” from your life just because it is dead. Sure, its physical form is gone. Perhaps its food tray, pet food, pet sleeping bag, and litter box will be gone as well, if you do not intend to get a new pet. However, your pet lives forever — in your heart .

Think about it. Your memories are real. Your time together was real. Your happy moments together were real. And so is the relationship between the both of you. These things live on forever in us. They don’t just disappear or get eradicated just because the physical form of your pet is now gone.

Hence, beyond the initial feelings of grief, please don’t mourn the fact that it is gone. Rather, be happy that both of you got to cross paths and be a part of each other’s lives. While you could have had any other pet, you didn’t; similarly, while it could have had any other owner, it didn’t. Celebrate the fact that you had the opportunity to shower your pet with love and care, and that it got to touch you in such a special way (otherwise I’m sure you wouldn’t be reading this article on pet loss). This is a gift that you were granted and will continue to own throughout your life, even without your pet around.

8) Be ready to move on…

Finally, get ready to pick the pieces and move on.

If your pet had a consciousness (which I believe pets do), I believe it wouldn’t want you to grief for too long. I believe it’d want you to move on with your life and be happy.

One of the reasons why — I feel — us humans as a civilization grief over death is because most of us don’t know anything about the beyond. After all, we were born into this physical world and the only reality we are conscious of is this physical one. Hence, many of us think of the physical realm as the be-all and end-all of existence, and that when a living being is no longer of the physical realm, it is gone forever.

Yet, like I mentioned under point #6, I believe that we are spiritual beings living a physical existence at this moment. And that when we “die” in this realm, we don’t actually “die” — I believe our souls live on and move on to the after life. I believe the same for our pets as well.

Know that your pet’s soul lives on forever. It may not be on Earth anymore, but it is now in a better, higher place, as part of its trajectory through life. Perhaps it is now serving a greater role in the universe. Perhaps it has been reborn as someone else’s pet. Perhaps it is now one of your spirit guides (!). Perhaps it has even been reborn as a human! Whatever it is, it is working through its life path, and I believe your interactions with it must have helped it in its evolutionary path (just as its interactions with you must have helped you in your path as well).

As your pet progresses into its next life phase, it’s also time for you to move on. Time to remember your life’s message and to pursue it. Time to re-think your life goals and to work on them. Time to create your action plans for your long-postponed Quadrant 2 goals and to get cracking. Know that one of the best ways to honor your pet is quite possibly by living your life to the fullest and to use your memories of it to push you forward.

Know that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting your pet. Moving on means continuing to be who you are meant to be and to live the life you’re meant to live, while honoring your pet in the process. Because even though you’ve lost your pet physically , it’ll continue to have a special place in your heart that no other pet or human can replace. Remember, your pet lives on forever in the universe, and its physical death is merely a necessary step in its evolutionary path.

To all pet owners, cherish your pet(s) and love it (them) every day. Our time on Earth is limited, so there’s little reason to get sidetracked with material pursuits while neglecting the most important things — such as relationships, our personal growth, and our life purpose — in the process.

To you, if you just lost your pet recently, I empathize with your loss, truly. I hope the 8 tips here will help to guide you through this difficult process.

To Nancy, Mama and Papa will always love you. You may have left us physically but you will never leave our hearts. RIP Nancy Bird, we will always cherish you in minds and hearts… ♥

If you know someone who just lost a pet, pass this post on to them — it may help them through this dark time. Thank you. ♥

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How To Mend Your Heart After The Death Of A Beloved Cat

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When your cat is your family, you feel their loss as deeply as you would with any other loved one. They were with you every day, for both the good and the bad. Your cat was your sounding board when you were upset, your cuddle buddy on cozy nights, and your best friend no matter what. They were an important part of your life, and it’s natural for their death to be a heartbreaking, and even traumatic, experience.

Coping with those intense feelings of grief can put life at a standstill. It will always be difficult, but these tips from grief support professionals will help.

It’s normal for people to feel like they need to hold in their emotions. We do it to protect ourselves from the people who don’t understand our grief, and we think that by ignoring the pain, it will go away. But the truth is, holding back will not help. Grief is something that will fester and grow. It’s necessary to acknowledge those feelings before you can start the process of moving on.

To acknowledge your grief about the death of your cat, start with a single conversation. Choose a person who will not judge you or dismiss your feelings. They don’t need to say anything back, all they need to do is listen. Talk to them about your fondest memories of your cat since the first day you met until the day you said goodbye. If you don’t have anyone you’re comfortable talking with, there are support groups and hotlines meant for this exact purpose. And when you’re done talking, let yourself cry, scream, or pound a pillow. Do whatever you need to do to let your emotions out.

Here are a few grief support resources:

ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline: 877-474-3310
Cornell University Pet Loss Support Hotline: 607-253-3932
Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline: 508-839-7966
Ohio State University also has a resource guide for support groups, online chats, and hotlines. You can find it here .

Address Feelings Of Guilt

Since we can’t have our pets live forever, we settle for the hope that they’ll pass peacefully in their sleep after a long and happy life. But for many pet owners, this isn’t how it works. So many cat owners are faced with the difficult decision of euthanasia. And while euthanasia is an act of love meant to prevent pain and suffering, it’s never easy. Many cat owners face feelings of guilt along with their grief.

Instead of viewing euthanasia as ending your cat’s life, you need to see it as a gift. As hard as it is, it’s a decision that spares your beloved cat from suffering during their final days. If you’re feeling guilty, it helps to talk it out and face those feelings head on.

Find Closure

When a human family member passes away, people come together to recognize the loss and grieve together. There are funerals, memorial services, and special ceremonies dedicated to the deceased, but they also help the living find much-needed closure. Consider doing the same thing for your cat.

Many people find it helpful to have a small gathering where people can come together to celebrate a pet’s life. It can happen after a pet’s death, before a scheduled euthanasia, or even during the euthanasia procedure. If that doesn’t feel right, there are also other ways to recognize your loss. You could have a memorial made for your cat or make a donation to an animal shelter in their name. These types of acts can be extremely cathartic and help bring peace and understanding during a difficult time.

Don’t Feel Pressured to Move On

You might feel like you need to be “back to normal” within a few days after the death of your cat. Or maybe your friends and family were supportive at first, but now they’re pressuring you to move on. It’s important to remember that there is no timeline to grief. Grief is an individual process, and everyone must take it at their own pace.

Seek Help When You Need It

If the death of your cat starts to affect your long-term emotional health, you’re encouraged to reach out to a mental health professional. It is possible to develop symptoms of PTSD after the death of a beloved cat . Losing sleep, unexplained irritability, obsessive thoughts, panic attacks, and consistent nightmares are signs you need professional help. Talking to a trained professional can offer a way forward.

There will always be people that will say things like, “It was just a cat.” While these comments are hurtful, you have to know that they simply aren’t true. Psychologists say grieving a beloved pet can be just as painful (and even more so) than that of a human family member. It’s important to acknowledge those emotions and work through your feelings. There’s no doubting that it will be difficult. But take it one breath at a time and incorporate these strategies into your everyday life.

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43 comments.

Ironic to see this today, as I’m taking my dear little Annie over the Bridge in an hour. Not my first, not my last, but you’re absolutely right. It’s never easy. Annie is a rescue, as all my cats for 50 years have been. Unwanted, abandoned, unloved – I have wanted, kept and loved each and every one of them unconditionally. Annie is 17 or 18, in kidney failure and having breathing difficulty. Meds have given us a few extra years, but it’s time now. Dear little Annie.

So sorry to hear this, Renee. Annie sounds like she had an amazing life with you. Our thoughts are with you during this difficult time. Rest in peace, sweet Annie.

Sending hugs and loves ❤️🙏

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

I have been there, and I know very well how it feels. But, because of you, Annie had a good life. Sending love…

Our first pet cat Dodge died only 2 days ago of a heart attack. He was only 1 years old. His birthday is next month, and we never get to celebrate that with him. My chest is still very tight and I am still in grief. It is really painful. He was taken unexpectedly so soon.

We are now planning to adopt a new kitty. Not to replace our first pet, but because we still have so much love to give and also to help us cope with the pain

Yesterday, I took an Uber and weirdly it has taken a long route than usual. Then suddenly in the radio the music “See you again” by Whiz Khalifa started playing, I was really trying my best not to burst in soo much tears, and then the music finishes exactly as I have been dropped off to my destination.

I feel that was my cat message to me, that one day we will see each other again ❤️

I am sooo sorry for your loss of Annie. The gut-wrenching feelings that go with doing the right thing for our babies that feels all too wrong for us. Annie sound like your ❤️ Kitty. She has lived such a long, beautiful life with you. Take comfort in knowing you gave her a beautiful life. I unexpectedly had to help my Simba on 12/31/19 and just can’t get through the loss even though I’m surrounded be 13 additional loving kitty kids. Simba was my ❤️. I will continue to love the lost and unwanted shelter, stray and feral kitties, in honor of Simba but will never be the same. God bless you as you travel through the steps of grief. Don’t let anyone diminish your feelings of loss.

So sorry to hear of your loss. It is so hard. Annie was lucky to have such a caring and loving owner such as yourself. You gave her a loving home and she knew it and loved you in return. Take all the time you require to heal your broken heart. ??

When I lost my two 21-year old boys within a few months of each other, I was devastated. I ended up fostering a litter of 5 kittens, spaying and neutering and homing them as a memorial to Dash and Hobbes. It was a positive step forward for me, and the joy that is kittens helped me to deal with my pain, as well as putting 5 kittens into loving homes. I’d recommend this for anyone!

That’s so great, Alex! Yes, definitely agree that fostering and rescuing is a wonderful way to cope with the loss of a beloved cat. Also, Dash and Hobbs sound like they were well loved to both live to 21 years old!

It has been 2 years since my Izzie left and I still tear up thinking about her and I miss her EVERY day. She was my best friend.

I’m so sorry Donna. My Tootsie died today. And I know I will feel just like you do about Izzie.

My 18 1/2 year old cat died in my arms yesterday. I had her from 8 weeks old. She was very special as all cats are. I will sorely miss my Merritt. Have been sharing on FB and C&M. People have been so loving and supportive in their comments. My girl decided on her own when to die. I didn’t have to make that decision. I’m thankful for that this time.In time I will get more cats but I know I know I know I need to grieve for her for as long as it takes. No rush. And I’ll be gentle with my self.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, sweet Merritt.

Your sad story really resonated with me. My beautiful boy. Salem, passed on Valentine’s day.2017. The day before he passed, I told him to go. if he needed to. I told my son. to do the same. On the day he passed. I wasn’t quick enough to pick him up in my arms. I just managed to get my fingertips on him. My only consolation is, that it happened so quickly. However, it still doesn’t stop me missing him, but I know I will see him again, at the rainbow bridge. I know it’s easier said than done, but please try and focus on, the good times you had together, and know that, you will see your beautiful, darling boy again.

Hi Judy , I had to put down my precious calico Patch’s on May 1 , as she finally succumbed to renal failure. I did everything I could up until that point to give her the BEST quality of Life. She was with me for over 13 years, from just 2 months old. She was my baby girl. She would hug me, dance with me, my little girl. Here on Father’s Day , I really miss her not being here, especially. I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing her. She was my World. I’m getting ready to turn 66 , don’t know if I’ll get another. God Bless you and All of the other animal lover’s out there 🙏 .

My sweet boy died unexpectedly two weeks ago. These are great suggestions.. time also helps but our kitties grab our hearts forever.

Before I got to the last sentence of this article I am balling my eyes out! You see I had to make the most difficult decision of having my sweet boy, love of my life euthanized last year Jan. 9th. I was so blessed to love him and him love me for nearly 8 years. I feel for those who are going through the same. May we never forgot❤?

I lost my beloved Smokey in 2005 after having him in my life for almost 20 years. I was devastated and still miss him so much to this day. I have 3 other cats now and my oldest is 14 and I know that I will be just as devastated. They are more than pets they are family.

As someone that just lost my beloved Oscar (way too soon due to FeLV), the only comfort I can give is this: It hurts. Bad. But at the end of the day we can only take solace in the fact that although they were only part of our lives for a part of our life, we were their entire life, or at least the best part of it. We love them for the short time that they are here. Then we grieve, we cry, we mourn. All I can ask is that once you are ready, please find another animal that is in need and show that animal that humans aren’t as bad as they think. Give them the love that they so sorely miss and need.

My cat died last Monday, he wasn’t even there years old. I have lost a lot of older cats but never one do young. We adopted him at 6 months from a rescue. He was part Mainecoon and followed me around like a puppy dog. We were out of the country when he showed signs of being ill. By the time we came back he was looking like a very old kitty. The vet seemed hopeful but his little pancrious was apparently too angry and he died in the middle of the night. We also adopted two part simese girls who bonded with him. Now my husband and I as well as the other girls are grief stricken over the loss of a wonderful playful sweet boy…?? My husband and I keep having memories thinking we are seeing him and the girls walk around the house crying and looking for him… Too sad for even words…

After having my “Pretty Girl” for 15 years, ( she was abandoned in an apartment when I rescued her & she was 1-2 years old), a beautiful black smoke Persian, with big golden eyes & a sweet disposition. I had a male Norwegian Forest cat at the time & he was very jealous of her, hissing & growling at her, & she deferred to him, making no demands for attention. She was content for the first 3 years to just eat, sleep, & stay away from “ Meowser” as he was known. When he died from thyroid disease at the age of 17, ( he was a rescue also, from the SPCA) she became more social. She would catch a mouse & bring it to me, in her mouth, howling with glee as she dropped it at my feet, alive !! She never killed the mice she caught. Sweet puss,?. I took her to the Vet on January 30 th where she took her final journey on the Rainbow ? Bridge, after a year of being treated for thyroid disease, kidney disease & a tumor in the wall of her bladder, which was inoperable. I can’t even put into words just how much I miss her…??.

Just lost my Tiger on Sunday. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure on Saturday. That night he took a turn for the worse. I couldn’t watch him suffer any further. I made the call to the vets office that morning and scheduled for that afternoon. It was hard because Tiger was my sons first pet. Tiger was only 11 yrs old. CHF can either be treated if caught early or can go overnight. It hurts, and here I am still cleaning up cat beds and toys. Not ready to let them go just yet.

I am so sorry. CHF is terrible. We lost our kitty Tiberius to that two years ago. He was diagnosed and he lived another three months with medication and then all of a sudden it just took a very bad turn. Sending you a big hug.

I lost one of my boys unexpectedly one month ago. I am devastated, he just had that ability to know when I was upset and sad, he would be in my lap right away. He slept with me every time I slept during the last 10 days my mom was with me. He actually wiped my tears. He was so special to me. RIP Phantom

When my precious cat, Snicky, died I was devastated. Snicky died in my arms while we were listening to soft music. But, moments before he died he looked up over my shoulder towards the corner of the room. His eyes got very wide and he stared at something for several moments. I looked to see what it was and I could see nothing but something got his attention. He stared very intently at whatever was there. A moment later he died. Two years earlier three of my sweet sisters died. All were cat lovers. I prayed during those final weeks of Snicky’s life, he had kidney disease and a bad heart, that one or all three of my sisters would take care of Snicky when his time came. The last night of his life I told Snicky it was ok if he had to leave me. I told him he would be loved where he was going. Someone came and escorted my precious Snicky into the kingdom. I believe we that love our precious cats and dogs and Lose them to death will see them again one day…but they take a huge part of our hearts with them. Snicky had my heart from the day he decided to make my home his. I can’t wait to see his sweet face again one day down the road in the kingdom……..❤️

So very sorry Renee, I totally understand how you feel for your sweet Annie. I had to do the same for my precious Connie two weeks ago today, she was also a rescue kitty, approx. 12 years old. She was diabetic for the past 12 months which never really got under control even with twice daily insulin injections, in the end her kidneys gave up. My sweet baby girl is at peace at Rainbow Bridge now, my head understands but my heart hasn’t accepted it yet.

I just had to take my Suki on Monday to be euthanized. She was a beautiful yet challenging cat that I adopted at the rescue 12 years ago. I’m not sure how old she was saying but I think about baby three. She had severe thyroid disease and she couldn’t take the medication because she had a bad reaction to it. She constant chronic diarrhea and it was getting so bad she was going up to 15 or more times a day. It was time but I still feel terrible and of course after it’s done I always second-guess myself. I have three other healthy cats at home But for some reason the house was totally empty to me now.

I have found a great deal of relief after losing a kitty by making a donation quilt in “memory of” to the cat rescue that I foster for. Sometimes it takes more than one. Working with other cat-lovers gives me a support group who truly knows what I am feeling.

I just lost my Ebi Kitty a month ago. I feel the pain of his absence everyday. He was so young. Only a year and half, but he was the most special little dude. He was a rescued flame point siamese mix, and I gotta tell you, there is something about those siamese X, that are so special. A couple of weeks ago we lost him due to severe anemia, his body just wouldn’t produce red blood cells. The vets couldn’t perform a biopsy due to his weakened state, but they suspected lymphoma. One transfusion and $5000 later he seemed to improve, but the next day his counts were back down again. When there wasn’t another blood donor we made the difficult decision to let him go. Everyday I talk to him and wonder if the was more I could have done. It seems so wrong to be robbed of such a special soul so young.

My sweet Leo was putting to sleep yesterday after a big intestinal tumor was found. I’m devastated and feeling guilt because I never saw any symptoms of the tumor besides of throwing up which I thought it was normal. Leo lived 13 happy years, he never got sick until this tumor was found. He was my morning alarm, he never miss a morning to the bathroom without him being there with me. I did want euthanasia when the vet told me the tumor was huge. I didn’t listen to the vet because I was in disbelief and tried alternative medicine. Nothing worked and when he couldn’t even drink water I felt hopeless. I knew it was time but I just couldn’t imagine being the one to decide when he should leave earth. But I had to do it. I feel angry for having to choose euthanasia. But I could see the pain in his eyes and had to it. Now I full of regret why I didn’t do it earlier and avoid his suffering for even a little bit. He died in my arms and I hope he can forgive me for being a human full of mistakes! I’m just looking for some comfort for the pain and the whole my Leo left me!

Our beautiful Ophelia was taken suddenly from us on Tuesday evening after an RTA. The vet said she died quickly and did not suffer. My heart is breaking and I cannot stop crying. The pain is awful. She was only 18 months old and was so loving and playful. I only hope this pain will subside as it’s unbearable right now. She was loved so much.

I lost my cat months ago due to the vets fault it still feels like today i am crying while commenting he was my whole life till now i miss him and I can’t get over him and it hurts alot

I just lost my Jo and Stella cats in the last two weeks. I am so devastated. The pain is so intense it feels hard to breathe. My Stella had a very traumatic ending and i am having a very hard time with this. I believe they are in Heaven, and I will see them again, but it is so very painful. They were both 15, and were my heart.

I lost my lotje 2 days ago. I’ve never felt so heartbroken. She recently turned 19 years old. She’s been losing weight and eating badly. They suspected there was a tumor in her small intestine. I agreed to an operation and knew the risk.

But when they opened her up they saw she had mesothelioma. A cancer that doesn’t show up on scans or pictures. It was already very spread out. They recommended putting her to sleep and not let her wake up anymore. I agreed.

I know I did the right thing but a part of me keeps wondering why, how and if that was the right choice. Before the operation we were together for 24 hours. I made the most of that time knowing it was probably all last times.

I know it’s impossible but I just wish her back… Life is so much more difficult without her.

I understand how you feel. I refuse to believe my little one is gone. I just want to rewind time, put him in a hospital give him another chance, and I can’t. I feel barely functional. I’m so sorry.

My 4 year old had a stroke a few days ago and had to be euthanized. It was sudden , such a shock and a traumatic experience. No one locally would see him and I had to drive an hour to an emergency vet. He had such personality, slept with me, was so engaging and unusual. It is heartbreaking. I have three other cats that are missing him as well. I miss him terribly and see him in my minds eye everywhere I go in the house. I just keep telling myself its ok, I had no choice, and grieving is a process.

I am sorry for your loss, all. I am in grief as well, so sad that my best companion Blessy (13 years old American shorthair) passed away last 19 June, a sudden death due to a heart failure. Last 16 March,she had a stroke but then she was okay. Then three months later (19 June 2023), she had a laboured and open-mouth breathing and she was dead at home. I was so broken, so far Blessy used to accompany me to write my thesis. If love could have saved her, she would have lived forever.

I just lost my little baby Goose to a horrible fight with panleukopenia. The doc prescribed hospitalization but at the time the costs scared me and I did the minimal bringing him home after a few hours iv and giving him sub q fluids. I assisted fed him every hour at the end and his little body couldn’t hold anything. He made it four days, and they survive after five. I am heartbroken. I will never make the same mistake again. He would ride on my shoulder and cuddle every time I picked him up. He was my longest bottle fed baby, and from the second I picked him up for the first time we chose each other. I will love you forever Goosey you will always be with me.

My beautiful Rudy left me this afternoon after his final battle with kidney disease. I spent lovely time with him at the vet and despite his situation, when I rubbed his head, chin and cheeks, he started to purr, despite how ill he was feeling. He eventually started to snooze using my hand as a pillow as he always has done. That felt so wonderful, like we comforted each other. Then the drugs were administered and in a very short time, he was gone. The pain is overwhelming. We were inseparable companions.

We lost our beloved Loki a week ago today to a speeding driver, we got to say goodbye, although after he had passed, it was quick and luckily he wasn’t damaged, the neighbour saw it happen and bought him to us after he had died in her arms. He was 2 years old. We buried him in our garden where he used to lay. Now I barely function, just ‘going through the motions’ and everyday i sit and ponder and miss his little toothy meow for a cuddle. My husband is upset but seems to be coping so much better than me, and that makes me more sad. I want to feel better, but feel guilty when i have an hour or so that i do. I know we will adopt again, and sometimes it gives me hope but then i feel guilty for even thinking about it. Sometimes his photos make me smile, and sometimes they make me sob and wail. Its the times of day that are triggers for me, when i would be feeding him, when i would let him out, where he would sit…. I know time will ease our pain, especially mine, he came into our lives and completely took them over! Night night little man, Mummy & Daddy miss you more than words can say. Love you always baby boy. Xxx

Upon the death of a cat in my household, I promptly bury the cat in a suitable container in my backyard. I keep several whiskers and some fur from the animal for me to touch when I have the need. If I do not already have another cat in my home, I promptly go to the local animal shelter and adopt another cat. It works for me.

I very much sympathize with everyone here who has lost a cat. Over a 20 year timeframe, I’ve lost a handful of cats and might be losing the one I have now and it hurts so much because he’s such a good boy and he’s only seven and he doesn’t deserve to leave so soon. I’ve learned that each cat I lose it doesn’t get any easier. It’s still very very hard when I thin ll about each one. Some of the comments about still thinking about that cat years after they are gone, is very true. I wonder if I could have done a better job protecting them from what killed them. I have tried with each cat after loosing one to be a better pet mom than before. It’s just very hard when you still have loss after trying harder to be a better parent. I know each of the cats that I have lost had a really good life just still hurts to lose them.

I lost my boy, PePe Le Peu on June 8th, 2023. He was my everything. I had him from 6 weeks until he turned 18 years old. He passed away as I was holding him. I miss him terribly. I know that I will see him again, waiting for me on the other side of the Bridge. R.I.P. I love you. ❤️

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Losing a cat can be a life-changing event, one that can be as difficult as the loss of a human companion. The pain associated with such a loss can be devastating, whether the loss is sudden or has long been expected. Even when we understand that our cat’s life will end, our response can be significant when this time comes.

Our cats are our companions, and a constant presence in our daily lives. We experience the love they provide, delight in their behavior, and share life events. It’s no surprise that when they are no longer with us, we are often left with a significant void that can impact our daily life.

Understanding grief

Grief may be experienced in stages that can include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Not everyone experiences all of these stages, nor are they experienced in a particular order or for any prescribed period of time.

At first, we may find it difficult to believe that our cat is truly gone (denial), and when we acknowledge the reality, we can be angry. “It’s unfair that my cat had this accident or that illness. Other cats who are the same age are fine. Why did mine have to die?”

We bargain by asking “what if?” - type questions, believing that if we had only recognized an illness sooner, given medications on a more precise schedule, or hadn’t let the cat outdoors, s/he would still be with us. Sadness can set in, manifesting as low motivation, crying, or sleep difficulties. This feeling can range in intensity and can ease over time or persist.

Eventually, we accept that our cat is gone. When grieving, we may continue to feel sad while remembering our loss, but we typically regain a sense of normalcy as time passes. We are able to cope with life’s stresses, look to the future, and enjoy our usual activities.

If our daily functioning (such as sleep, eating, ability to perform regular tasks or interact with family and friends) continues to be compromised, we are likely to benefit from professional support.

Grief following euthanasia

The word euthanasia is derived from the Greek euthanatos , which translates as “good death”. The option of euthanasia is often considered to be a compassionate and reasonable alternative to prolonged suffering. Even when euthanasia feels like a kindness, making the decision to euthanize can be very difficult.

When to consult a professional

You deserve all the support that you need following the loss of your cat. For some people, family and friends can provide all needed support. Other people find professional support more useful.

People seek professional grief counseling (with a social worker, psychologist, family therapist, or other provider) for many reasons, including feeling uncomfortable sharing their loss with people they know, not feeling validated in their grief experience, having pre-existing concerns resurface with the loss of their cat, experiencing relational stress following the loss, or becoming concerned about impairments in daily functioning. If one is having trouble sleeping, eating, interacting with friends and family, performing daily tasks, or has any other concerns related to activities of daily living, consultation with a mental health professional can be a helpful support.

Coping with loss

There are a number of strategies to help cope with loss, including:

Choosing symbols of remembrance:

Organize a memorial gathering
If cremation was chosen, spread the ashes in a meaningful location
Save fur clippings
Plant a tree or flowers
Create a photo book or video
Make a donation in your cat’s name to an organization with importance to you

There are hundreds of memorializing options that can be found online, including jewelry, urns, garden stones, and other objects. These items are meaningful for some people; others prefer to keep their memories alone. You have to find what resonates with you.

Organizations and other resources

Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine Pet Loss Support Hotline
ASPCA Grief Counseling Hotline : 877.474.3310
Best Friends Animal Society

A Letter to My Cat, Who Died This Morning

Public Speaking Trainer and Author of "Get to the Point!"

When you took your final labored breaths this morning, I'm sorry I mistook them for typical heaves.

You were laying on the hardwood floor, looking under the bed; I thought you were staring at another cat or a toy. Maybe you were looking for the safe spot you go during thunderstorms.

By the time Anne and I realized something was terribly wrong, we were too late to help. Your eyes were open, but you were gone.

Seven years earlier, when we met, you weren't like the other shelter cats. Curiously calm, you roamed the place freely as if you worked there. You didn't meow -- only chirped.

Your ivory fur was soft and clean, pink skin peeking out around your eyes, nose, and at the edges of your ears. A coffee-brown cloud lay like a saddle across your back. Another capped your small head like a toupee.

As I rubbed your strong back, the volunteers told me how they'd rescued you from a vicious dog attack. But instead of avoiding the shelter's dogs, you obsessively stood by the door to the Big Dog room, desperate to enter. Were you looking to make peace with your attackers -- or perhaps hoping to settle the score, a crude shank hidden in your thick winter coat?

When Anne and I decided to adopt you, we'd just moved in together. Our plain one-bedroom apartment was the only thing she and I shared. Anne had her Accord; I had my Sentra. She had her canvas and paint; I had my laptop and jokes. I inherited her four cats, and she accepted the weekly anarchic comings and goings of my kids. Legacies of our independent lives were all around us, but I wanted something -- a living thing -- that would begin knowing us as we were in that moment.

Within minutes of bringing you home, you found a safe hiding spot under a pile of Anne's laundry and stayed there for hours. At first, you were very docile. But within days, you staged a dedicated campaign of terror against Daniel, Anne's oldest and sickest cat.

You also attacked any human foot that dared invade your sovereign circle. Every night, I'd flick off the light switch on the bedroom wall -- engulfing the room in darkness -- and then pause, as if a castle's moat separated the bed from where I stood. Like a crocodile, you were hiding somewhere in the dark middle, waiting to snap. More than a few times, you got me.

Anne assured me all you needed was time.

When Daniel died peacefully -- or so we'd like to believe -- you finally settled down. Then, for reasons locked away in your feline brain, you devoted yourself completely to me. The other cats cling to Anne like she's made of minced meat, but you were determined to be my cat.

When I came home, you ran to greet me. You sat behind my head when I was on the couch, and pressed your warm stomach against my neck. Often you licked my face with your sandpapery tongue like you were trying to scrape away stress. You loved the company of men -- the bigger, the better -- whether it was my dad snoozing on the couch after Thanksgiving dinner or two guys coming over to install a new dishwasher.

I could easily imagine you as you might have been in a former, human life: a fearless boy. An athlete. A daredevil. Someone very different from me. This made our close attachment all the more peculiar. But cats are peculiar, often unpredictable animals -- perhaps the only creatures in the animal kingdom that can hold a grudge, and throw up with intention. When they look at you like you've done something wrong, chances are you have.

I'll miss the night time without you, Sam. I'll miss your body curled behind my knees, and weighing heavily on my chest. I'll miss waking up to you at the foot of my bed, knowing you were there all night, purposefully.

You had a duty in life to love. Somehow, Sam, you knew that.

I knew it too. It was always in your eyes, Sam. Even in your final look for that distant, safe spot.

A version of this essay appears in Joel Schwartzberg's new collection " Small Things Considered "

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My Cat Died at Home, What Do I Do? 7 Vet-Reviewed Steps to Take

Image Credit: umaruchan4678, Shutterstock

Last Updated on January 31, 2024 by Catster Editorial Team

VET APPROVED

REVIEWED & FACT-CHECKED BY

Dr. Marta Vidal-Abarca

Veterinarian, BVSc GPCert (Ophthal) MRCVS

The information is current and up-to-date in accordance with the latest veterinarian research.

A pet’s passing is a painful and emotional time for everyone who loved and was loved by them. In some cases, we know when our pet is declining and can mentally prepare for their passing and say our goodbyes, but other times, it happens completely out of the blue. When you’re devastated by the loss of your pet, it can be even harder to think about what to do next.

This guide details important and practical steps to take when a cat passes away at home. We know that the process is difficult to think about, but we hope that in some way, this will help you navigate this confusing and heartbreaking time.

The 7 Critical Steps to Take When Your Cat Has Died at Home
1. Check Vital Signs

It’s important to be 100% sure that your cat really has passed away. Sometimes, in the final stages of life, a cat may appear dead because they’re lying completely still, but they could still be alive.

For this reason, it’s important to watch carefully and also try to listen to their breathing. Sometimes this is really shallow when a cat is dying, so it can be hard to tell if they’re breathing at all. Check if they have a heartbeat by placing your hand on the left side of their chest pulse. If you can’t be certain your cat has really passed, contact your vet for advice.

2. Put a Towel Under Your Cat

It’s completely normal for cats to release feces or urine after passing due to muscle and sphincter relaxation (though this doesn’t always happen), so you might want to place an absorbent material under them in case this occurs. This is a way of giving your cat the care and dignity they deserve.

3. Tuck the Legs In

Once rigor mortis—the state that causes a body to become stiff a few hours after death—sets in, it can make moving your cat’s body very difficult. Tuck the legs in towards the body to make transportation easier for you. Wrap your cat in a blanket, towel, or whatever you want to cover them with once they’re in the appropriate position.

4. Allow Other Pets to Smell the Cat

Allowing other pets to sniff the cat’s body is an important part of the grieving process for them. If they don’t know what has happened, this can cause confusion, as they’ll wonder why their friend has simply vanished. Before your cat’s body is removed for burial or cremation, give your other pets a bit of time to smell them so they can better understand what has happened.

5. Arrange Burial or Cremation Services

Now is the time to arrange burial or cremation services for your cat. You can either arrange for your cat to be collected by a pet burial or cremation service, bury your cat in your yard if your local laws allow this, or contact your veterinary office to find out if they offer cremation services .

You could also contact an animal shelter or organization for advice. Your local animal control service may also be able to collect and cremate your cat’s body , though the ashes may not be returned to you. However, some animal control organizations do allow for individual cremation with the return of ashes.

In terms of cremation, the two options are typically communal and individual. Communal cremations are less expensive, but your cat will be cremated with other pets, and you won’t be able to get your cat’s ashes back with this method. If you’d like to retrieve your cat’s ashes for burial or scattering, you can opt for individual cremation.

As for burials, you’ll need to check your state’s laws on whether burying a pet in your yard is permitted. If not, but you’d really like to have your cat buried, pet cemeteries are another option to consider.

a memorial cat picture near an indoor plant on a wooden table

6. Place the Body in a Cool Location

If you need to wait a while for your cat’s body to be picked up or taken to a cremation/burial provider, it’s important to keep it out of warm spots. Place the body somewhere cool and dry, like the basement, utility room, or garage.

7. Gather Support

You shouldn’t have to deal with the loss of your beloved cat alone. You might want to consider contacting someone you trust during this difficult time, whether that’s just someone to offer emotional support or to help you transport your pet to the burial or cremation provider or the vet office.

If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable talking to, pet loss support forums are an alternative way to connect with and be supported by other cat lovers.

Woman hugging a cat beside a christmas tree

How Do I Deal With the Loss of My Cat?

Everyone has a different approach to grief and methods of coping with it. It’s important to acknowledge that it’s completely okay to feel the way that you do. Your cat was your beloved friend, companion, and family member—it’s no wonder their passing has been so hard on you.

Sadly, some people just don’t “get” why losing a pet is such a big deal—these are not the kinds of people you want to be around right now. Don’t let anyone tell you to “snap out of it” or “get over it.”

Although there is no quick or easy way to navigate the murky waters of grief, there are some things you might consider trying.

Get in touch with people you trust for support.
Reach out to people in a pet loss support group, whether that’s in-person meetings or online.
Consider speaking with a therapist or bereavement counselor.
Pay tribute to your cat in your own way (e.g., lighting a candle, creating a memorial , taking a walk in their honor, etc.).
Look after yourself, whether that’s writing about how you feel, painting, having a lazy day, having a nice, long shower, lighting some candles—whatever makes you feel comfortable and peaceful.

Whether your cat has passed away at home or you’re preparing in advance for the possibility, we hope this guide has helped you navigate the immediate aftermath of pet loss. As pet parents ourselves, we also hope you find some peace and comfort in this very sad and difficult time.

https://www.humanesociety.org/resources/coping-death-your-pet
https://psychcentral.com/lib/grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet#how-long-does-grief-last
https://www.hospicevet.com/what-to-do-if-your-pet-dies-at-home/
https://texasanimalcontrolsolutions.com/aftercare-for-your-deceased-family-pet/
http://www.aaanimalcontrol.com/dead-animal-disposal.html
https://www.thesprucepets.com/handling-cat-remains-555231#toc-cremation
https://petcremationcolumbus.com/what-to-do-if-my-pet-dies-at-home/
https://www.patchandpurr.com.au/help-advice/when-a-pet-dies/at-home/
https://www.clocktimelesspets.com/2017/07/10/what-to-do-when-a-pet-dies-at-home/

Featured Image Credit: umaruchan4678, Shutterstock

About the Author

Kit Copson is a freelance writer and lifelong animal lover with a strong interest in animal welfare. She has parented various furry beings over the years and is currently a proud cat mom of two—one very chilled (unless hungry) Siamese and a skittish but adorable Domestic Shorthair—and dog mom of one—an adopted Bichon Poodle cross. When not writing about or spending time with animals, Kit can be found doodling in her sketchpad, reading, or more often than not, drinking tea.

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Why Losing a Pet Hurts So Much

And why the stages of grief are just as valid when your loss is an animal..

Posted August 22, 2016 | Reviewed by Lybi Ma

Understanding Grief
Find a therapist to heal from grief
The death of a pet can hurt as much as the loss of a close relative or friend. It is normal to feel devastated.
Often, individuals who live alone take longer to grieve because their companion played such an important role in their lives.
Grieving for a pet can take the form of the Elisabeth Kübler-Ross model of five stages of grief.

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” — Anatole France

A pet owner’s worst fear is losing a beloved companion. For those who have experienced this loss, there is usually a poignant story to share about a cherished dog or cat’s passing. From one pet owner to another, we understand the intense pain and emptiness that occurs after this loss. There is no correct way to grieve and work through this process, as everyone walks down a different journey with a pet.

A pet may symbolize a child, sibling , best friend, or long-term companion. Dogs and cats live an average of 13 years—enough time to truly enter and live in your heart. They become a part of your family and daily life. Your morning routine may not be complete without playing fetch or going on a walk with your dog or snuggling with your feline.

The death of a pet can be a truly traumatic experience and create a large void in our hearts and lives—comparable to losing a close family member or friend. As humans, we project onto our beloved pets our thoughts, emotions, and ideas: We see ourselves in our animals. The common belief that “owners come to look like their pets” may not be a literal truism but rather a figure of speech indicating that our pets are our self-objects.

My own four-legged family members

I have had seven dogs, so I could be biased when I call them "running love." Many people have known their dogs longer than their wives or children, so it is not surprising that their loss can be devastating even if it's not sudden. I didn't realize their stealthy Cupid effects until one of mine, a German Shepherd named Snitzel, went missing for three tearful days.

When a burly gravel truck driver made sexually provocative comments to my wife, Snitzel came running, without a word, snarling and taking up a protective position at her side, and that ended his comments and presence. And there are numerous examples of dogs rescuing humans, traits also observed in combat Marines and expressed in their mantra "Semper Fidelis" ( always faithful or always loyal ). Not surprisingly, a 1988 study in the Journal of Mental Health Counseling found that dog owners placed their dog as close as their closest family member and the closest of all in 38 percent of cases. 1

The magnitude of pet loss grief

A pet is truly a gift that can change your life and bring you monumental happiness and gratitude . Pets teach you responsibility, patience, kindness, discipline, playfulness, and, most importantly, unconditional love. Even if your dog chews your couch, scratches your doors, and manages to eat every sock you own, you still figure out a way to share your home and heart with your companion.

The death of a pet can hurt as much as the loss of a close relative or friend. It is common for humans to have conflicts with family members over religion, money, politics , and so forth—conflicts that may create emotional distance between them. Humans and pets do not have these types of conflicts—pets are 100 percent dependent on their human companions. Yes, you may become angry at your dog for chewing your shoelaces or leaving a “surprise” on your carpet, but these feelings of frustration and anger quickly dissipate after your pet looks up at you with funny ears and wide-open eyes.

According to an article that reviewed multiple studies and was published in the journal Society & Animals in 2002, the death of a companion animal can be as devastating as the loss of a human significant other.

Stages of grief

People who have never had a pet might not understand the loss and may invalidate your feelings as you go through the grieving process, but don’t allow them to dictate your feelings. It is normal to feel devastated after the loss of a pet. It is common to believe that your dog or cat will still be around to greet you at the door when you arrive home. Many people feel disloyal if they decide to adopt another pet.

In her book, On Death & Dying , Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief : denial , anger, bargaining, depression , and acceptance. People do not cycle through these stages in a lock-step manner, sometimes anger comes first or denial comes third. It doesn't matter.

Denial is a normal part of the grieving process. Just make sure you don’t deny your grief . Allow yourself to express your feelings in any way that benefits you. Expressing your feelings can be truly cathartic.

Anger is a normal stage of grieving and it is common for pet owners to become angry at the “why” and “how” their pet died. Was it a terrible accident? Was it an incurable disease or illness?

Becoming angry at the reason for the pet’s passing might eventually lead to bargaining . You might say things to yourself such as: “If only I could have three more days with Fido.” The constant “what ifs” and “if onlys” can be extremely stressful and unsettling.

Depression or sadness is another stage in the Kübler-Ross model and, for many, the longest stage. Some people will always hold a small amount of sadness in their hearts for their beloved pets.

Acceptance is the final stage, but accepting a loss does not mean forgetting the memories. At this stage, you may feel like your life is becoming normal again and you may even consider adopting another pet.

Everyone grieves differently

Grief has no timeline and no boundaries . Everyone grieves differently and for dissimilar lengths of time. Your level of grief may depend on your age and personality , your pet’s age and personality, and the circumstances of your pet’s death, as well as the relationship between you and your animal. Often, individuals who live alone take longer to grieve because their companion played such an important role in their lives. The same is true for disabled people who lose a therapy - or seeing-eye dog because the animal was not just a companion but also a vital aid to their daily tasks.

If you or a loved one has recently lost a pet, try to remember your companion by keeping the love alive. Maybe frame a photo of your pet, plant a tree in your pet’s memory , create a symbolic gravestone, or, if you cremate your pet, keep the ashes somewhere special. Keeping the memories of your beloved companion alive can be the healthiest way to get through the grief.

Contributed by Kristen Fuller, M.D.

1. https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/the-death-of-pet…

Ralph Ryback , M.D., has taught at many institutions including Harvard Medical School.

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Experience: my cat saved my life

When I first got my cat Charley, she was a tiny kitten, no more than five weeks old, and she wasn't eating. Her owner was at her wits' end and turned to me for help.

I took in this tiny scrap of black and white fur, and began to coax her to eat. I posted morsels of kitten food into her mouth every four hours and kept her basket by my bed so I could monitor her day and night. Charley began to rally and, as she grew, so did her attachment to me. She would never leave my side.

At times it became annoying, especially when she kept getting under my feet. She was so attached to me that she resented anyone else coming near. If my husband, Kevin, showed me any affection, Charley would wedge herself in between us. I had two other cats, but they were closer to Kevin and my daughter, so Charley became "mine". It was on her terms, though – as they say, a dog has a master, a cat has a slave. I was under no illusions that cats are anything but selfish.

I have been diabetic since I was 12 and need two injections of insulin a day. I can usually control my diabetes well, but once or twice, usually due to illness or exhaustion, I have ended up having a bad hypo, or hypoglycaemia, when your blood sugar drops to dangerously low levels, causing dizziness, palpitations and even loss of consciousness. Normally during a hypo, you can recover by eating something sweet, but sometimes the attack is so sudden, you don't get the chance.

I had been Christmas shopping all day and came home exhausted. I had some food and went to bed, but I obviously didn't eat enough, because that night I can remember getting up to go to the loo… and then nothing. My blood sugar must have dropped during my sleep and I collapsed in the bathroom.

Within minutes, the cat realised something was wrong. Instead of just sitting by my side, she went to our bedroom and jumped on the bed where Kevin, always a heavy sleeper, lay undisturbed. Then she began to pat his hand with her paw and lick his face, something she'd never done before.

We've no idea how long she continued this, but it must have taken a while for her to rouse him. He woke up because she was licking him, but he shooed her off the bed and fell back to sleep. Charley didn't give up, though, and kept on patting and licking, all the while making a strange squeaking noise that my husband had never heard her make before.

After batting her away another couple of times, he finally sat up. Charley instantly shot off the bed and out of the door. Kevin noticed that my side of the bed was empty, and followed the cat to the bathroom, where he found me unconscious on the floor. Thankfully, he had been trained in how to give me an injection of glucagon , which makes the body release glucose, and within minutes I came round. "What am I doing here?" I asked groggily.

Kevin told me what had happened and I couldn't believe it. Charley had actually made that logical jump – if she couldn't help me, she'd get someone who could. It still astounds me. You hear about dogs coming to the rescue of their owners, but cats are known for their independent spirit. It seemed so odd.

As I recovered with a drink and some toast, Charley sat on my lap, purring. She slept by my side that night, and the next day hovered around me. My other two cats slept through the whole thing – much more typical cat behaviour.

If Charley hadn't raised the alarm, who knows what would have happened? Would Kevin have woken up in time? I doubt it. Most probably I would have fallen into a diabetic coma, suffered brain damage, maybe died. Instead, thanks to Charley, I didn't even have to goto hospital. Soon after the incident, Charley got very ill with cat flu. It was my turn to look after her – the relationship is reciprocal.

Now I am more careful with my blood sugar levels – it has taught me an important lesson. It shook Kevin that I could become so ill so quickly – he hadn't had to inject me before. We were both so grateful to the cat.

As told to Emily Cunningham

Do you have an experience to share? Email [email protected]

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12 Ways to Say ‘Sorry for the Loss of Your Cat’

Updated 07/6/2023

Published 10/29/2020

Kate Wight, BA in English

Contributing writer

Discover how to say "sorry for the loss of your cat," including in a card, letter, or in-person.

Cake values integrity and transparency. We follow a strict editorial process to provide you with the best content possible. We also may earn commission from purchases made through affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualifying purchases. Learn more in our affiliate disclosure .

It can be difficult to know exactly what to say when someone loses a pet . Even if you want to express your condolences, you might be afraid of leaning on cliche turns of phrase.

After all, how many times do you really need to hear the phrase “ sorry for your loss ” or " I'm sorry to hear that " before it starts being repetitive? The thing is, it does a lot of good for people to have friends and loved ones reach out to them in times of grief.

Jump ahead to these sections:

How to say ’sorry for the loss of your cat’ in a card or letter, how to say ’sorry for the loss of your cat’ in a text or dm, how to say ’sorry for the loss of your cat’ in person.

Chances are, the people in your life won’t care if your condolences sound the same as what other people have said. They’ll just care that you’re there for them.

But if you’re worried about being redundant, you can try these other ways of expressing condolences for the loss of a pet.

When a family member passes away, you can probably assume that people are inundated with piles of condolence cards. But when a pet dies, they might not get any at all. Here’s what you can do to be there for someone who lost their cat.

1. “You’ve been on my mind so much lately. I wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking of you.”

If you’ve ever had a cat, you may know the feeling of having a silent shadow trailing them around their house.

After a loved one’s cat dies, they can feel very isolated without their feline friend. A message like this may help your loved one feel just a little less alone.

2. “You gave [pet’s name] such a great life.”

When a person or animal dies, humans sometimes do a strange thing. We stop referring to the deceased by name. If we talk about them at all, it’s usually in hushed voices, using vague terminology. It’s like we think that by saying “I’m sorry about your cat” instead of “I’m sorry about Freckles,” it’s less personal and won’t hurt as much. But it can be hard to never hear your pet’s name again.

Using the cat’s name in your condolence message is more personal and intimate. The message itself brings a positive note to what is undoubtedly a difficult time. It can be a good thing to remind the owner that his pet’s life was happy — it can give him some comfort.

3. “I found these pictures of [pet’s name] from that summer I stayed with you and I thought you might like to have them.”

If you’re sending a card, you can also go above and beyond and send a pet sympathy gift.

This one is simple and won’t cost you anything, but it can have a huge impact on the person you give it to. Getting to see images of a pet can be priceless for someone who is going through such a big loss.

Not planning to send pet sympathy gifts ? Why not text instead? Texts may seem informal but they’re a good way to quickly let someone know that you’ve heard about the loss. If you don’t want to wait to express your condolences, you can just reach for your phone.

These quick texts and phone messages are great examples of ways you can reach out.

4. “I know this was a really difficult decision you had to make. For what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.”

When a pet gets older or gets sick, its owners sometimes have to make very difficult choices. If your cat is struck with an illness, what’s his prognosis? Will treating the disease cure it or will it merely prolong the inevitable? If you are able to prolong your pet’s life, will your pet suffer as a result? Is it a kindness to put your pet down and spare the pet from pain and confusion?

If your friend made the choice to have a pet put down, reassure your friend that she made the best choice in a difficult situation. That may help assuage some of her pain.

5. “I just heard about [pet’s name]. He was such a funny cat with so much personality. I’ll miss getting to see him when I come to visit.”

One of the hardest things about losing a pet is realizing that no one else had quite a special bond with them that you did.

A friend might feel alone in his or her grief and it would mean a lot to have someone reach out and share specific memories of a deceased cat. Think of the things that would give you comfort to hear about a pet, then treat a person dealing with that kind of loss the way you would want to be handled.

6. “If you’d like to get out of the house for a while, let me know. We could go grab a coffee or take a walk.”

When you reach out to a friend, you can initiate a change of scenery as a way to help your friend out.

You may run into a friend or acquaintance and learn on the spot that they have lost a pet or you may plan to talk to them in person. These sentiments would be helpful to express in a situation where you learn about a pet’s death from an owner.

7. “I brought a decorative box with me. If you’d like, I can help you package up any toys or other items.”

Many people have a difficult time seeing their pet’s belongings after that pet dies. Objects like food and water bowls, collars, and toys can serve as painful reminders of a companion that is no longer there.

But it may take some time before a person feels comfortable throwing away or donating items that belonged to a beloved pet. Bring in a decorative box that can serve as a memory box.

You and your friend can gather up items that belonged to the late pet and keep them in one centralized location. This spares your friend from accidentally stumbling on objects that might hurt emotionally.

8. “I’m here to listen if you would like to talk.”

Everyone responds to death differently. Some people find it too painful to talk about a person or pet who has passed away. Other people find a lot of comfort in talking about their departed companions.

This sentiment lets your friend know that he can safely open up to you if chosen. But it’s noncommittal, so if your friend doesn’t want to speak, you’re also offering room to stay silent.

9. “This book really helped me a lot after my cat died a few years ago. I thought I would share it with you.”

When you have to cope with the death of a pet, it’s easy to feel very alone in your grief. Reading pet loss books can help you connect with other people who have shared their experiences with this kind of loss.

This sentiment can serve as a gentle reminder to your friend if you’ve experienced a similar loss. A friend may realize that she can reach out and talk to you if she wants someone who understands. Giving a book like this is also a practical, concrete gesture of support.

Express Condolences for the Loss of a Beloved Cat

For many people, losing a pet is as difficult emotionally as losing a friend or family member. Humans can form profound emotional bonds with their pets and the death of a pet can be incredibly traumatizing.

If someone you know is dealing with the death of their cat, it’s important to reach out and express your condolences. This can help your friend or loved one to know that he’s not alone in his grief and these messages can help you tell a friend “Sorry for the loss of your cat.”

If you're looking for more ways to support a friend after the death of pet, read our guides on pet memory boxes and pet memorial jewelry .

36 Supportive Things to Say to Someone Who Lost a Pet

How to Comfort Someone Who Lost a Pet: 11 Ideas

27 Valuable Tips for Coping With a Pet Loss

What to Say When Someone Euthanizes a Pet: 20+ Ideas

Sudden Cat Death: Tips for Understanding Why It Happens

One of the worst things a pet lover can experience is the sudden loss of their beloved cat. Trying to understand sudden cat death is excruciatingly painful. You want to make sense of what happened, consider what you could have done differently, and determine if there were health issues that you didn’t observe. It is most difficult to understand sudden cat death when it happens to a young animal. In this article, we discuss some of the possible causes of sudden cat death.

Feline Life Expectancy vs. Risk of Sudden Death

The life expectancy of cats can be anywhere from 14 to 22 years of age. There is a substantial difference in life expectancy depending on the individual cat lifestyle. Life expectancy can vary depending on if the cat is indoor only, indoor and outdoor, or outdoor only.

Indoor-only cats have the longest life expectancy, followed by cats that are both indoor and outdoor. Cats that live outdoors have the shortest lifespan, due to exposure to toxins, trauma, animal attacks, and infectious diseases. While this trend is a generalization, there are outdoor-only cats with good genes that are provided with a nutritious diet and veterinary care that have very long lifespans.

Possible Causes of Sudden Death in Cats

There are many causes of unexpected or sudden cat death.

As we consider illness and death in cats, one thing that is important to remember is that cats are very good at hiding their illness as a survival measure, which allows cats to be sick for a long time before anyone is aware. This can be especially true for those who spend everyday with their cat and don’t notice subtle changes like weight loss, shedding, sleeping more, or a dull hair coat. As our cats get older, we may believe that symptoms such as weight loss, less activity, and/or lethargy are from them slowing with age rather than from an illness.

Causes of sudden death in cats include:

Trauma. This is more frequent in outdoor cats, but can occur to any animal. Examples of trauma include being hit by a vehicle, attacks or bites from dogs or other animals, gunshot wounds, falls, or random trauma, such as being crushed in a recliner. To learn more – read Trauma and Injuries in Cats. Outdoor cats are also at risk of getting lost and inadvertently putting themselves in harm’s way. Microchipping your pet can improve the chances of being reunited before an accident occurs. Click here to learn more.
Toxins. Ingestion and/or exposure to toxins and medications is more common in outdoor cats, but can occur in indoor cats as well. Common toxins include antifreeze, potpourri , medications that contain acetaminophen , plant toxicity (such as from Easter lilies ), and ingestion of rat poison. To learn more about toxic items, go to Toxins in Cats .
Heart Disease. Heart disease may come with little to no warning sign. While some cats may have a history of a heart murmur, other cats can have no history of problems or abnormal symptoms. Some cats will demonstrate subtle symptoms such as playing less, sleeping more, decreased appetite, weight loss, or increased breathing rates. It is very common for cats to be of perfect health, only to show signs of illness rapidly and with grave circumstances. Cats with heart disease can develop difficulty breathing or have difficulty using their back legs, which may result in them crying out in pain. Some cat owners will simply find their cat dead without any indication of symptoms. The most common heart disease in cats is Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy (HCM) , a condition resulting in an abnormally thickened heart muscle. Feline heartworm disease can also cause sudden death.
Heart Failure. When heart failure occurs, it means that the heart is no longer able to keep up with normal demands and functions of the body. This most commonly causes a fluid accumulation in the lungs known as pulmonary edema . The most common underlying cause for heart failure is Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. Signs of heart failure most often include a subtle decrease in appetite, less engagement in normal activities, and an increased respiratory rate. Some cats will be so short of breath that they will appear to pant with their mouths open, and cats will carefully mask their signs until they are in a state of fulminant and life-threatening heart failure.
Heart Attack. A “heart attack” is the term commonly applied to people who have suffered a myocardial infarction (MI), often caused by coronary artery disease. The myocardium is the muscular tissue of the heart that receives nutrients and oxygen from the coronary arteries. Coronary arteries are small blood vessels in the heart muscle that bring blood from the aorta, which is the main artery of the body. When the muscle doesn’t receive normal blood supply, a heart attack occurs. Learn more about Heart Attacks in Cats .
Blood Clot. A blood clot, also called a thromboembolism, may be caused by many different health issues, including heart disease in cats. Blood clots can go to the brain, lungs, or blood vessels in the back legs, resulting in sudden death in cats.
Chronic Kidney Disease. Chronic renal failure (CRF) is a very common problem in cats. When the kidneys fail, they are no longer able to remove waste products that lead to the build-up of toxins in the blood. This produces clinical signs of kidney disease that include weight loss, decreased appetite, vomiting, and lethargy as the kidney disease progresses. Some cats with kidney disease will also have increased thirst and urination. This is most common in older cats, but can occur at any age. To learn more, read Chronic Kidney Disease in Cats .
Feline Urinary Obstruction. Feline urinary obstruction (UO) is an acute obstruction of the urinary tract , and although this disease can affect any cat, it is most commonly found in males. This is also known as a “Blocked Cat.” Typical signs are straining to urinate and crying. When untreated, most cats will die within 72 hours. To learn more, go to Urinary Obstruction in Cats .
Stroke in Cats. “Stroke” is a term commonly applied to people who have suffered a cerebrovascular accident (CVA) caused by cerebrovascular disease. A stroke is caused by the disruption of blood supply to the brain, which precipitates failure of nerve impulses to be transmitted from the brain to the rest of the body. The symptoms can come on quickly and cause sudden cat death. Signs of a stroke include difficulty walking, weakness, falling to one side, paralysis of one side of the body, and/or seizures. Click here to learn more about Strokes in Cats .
Infections. Severe infections, commonly known as sepsis, can cause a progressive group of symptoms including lethargy, anorexia, weight loss, dehydration, fever, and sudden death in cats.
Shock. Shock is defined as a profound life-threatening syndrome that results in low blood pressure and can lead to death. This can be caused by an allergic reaction, heart damage, severe infection (sepsis), trauma, blood loss, toxins, fluid loss, and spinal cord trauma. Cats with shock can die quickly, which may present as a sudden death.
High Blood Sugar in Cats. Severe symptoms caused by uncontrolled diabetes can lead to weakness, lethargy, vomiting, coma, and death. Learn more about Diabetic Ketoacidosis (DKA) in Cats .
Low Blood Sugar. Low blood sugar, also known as hypoglycemia, can cause lethargy, weakness, seizures, and sudden death. This can be an ill consequence of diabetes, from trauma, and/or various infectious diseases.

While it is extremely difficult to understand the loss of a beloved cat, especially at a young age, it does happen. There are reports of young athletes with no prior health problems suddenly dying while playing their sport, or a young “in shape” person in their 40s who goes out for a jog and drops dead. Sudden death can happen in cats as well, which can be just as devastating and make as little sense.

The only comfort you can take from this situation is knowing that you did the best you could and that you gave your cat a wonderful life. We at PetPlace hope this gives you some comfort.

"We almost died for these greens": A journey through my food desert

These new kids will never know what it’s like to get your head busted over some lettuce and i'm thankful for that, by d. watkins.

Urban farming is changing the world and leaving me more optimistic than my 14-year-old self could ever imagine. I believe easy access to fruits and vegetables will not only heal our bodies but transform our communities in general.

I say this because I was driving down Whitelock, a block in west Baltimore, a few weeks ago and saw a scrawny kid running up the street with a pillowcase-sized bag of what looked like kale or collards or something. He was in a black Nike Tech suit and some semi-laced Jordan 4s. “Shorty, hey kid,” I yelled to the spindly boy through my driver-side window. “What’s up?”

The kid shot me a confused look before he spat, “What you need OG?”

“I’m not trying to be funny, but where you get those vegetables from?”

He pointed down the block to a place called Whitelock Community Farm .

I Googled the spot, came across their Instagram and found a glorious collection of images of beautiful Black people growing fruits and vegetables. “I wonder why we didn't have this when I was coming up?” I thought to myself.

Initially, I wanted to roll up on them to buy a big bag of greens like the kid had, or grapes , or something, but I had so much running around to do and wasn't sure of when I would make it back to the house to put the groceries away. So I called my boy Dro, who started his health kick before me to put him on with Whitelock. “Yo, I’m over west,” I say. “They have a farm for the people around there. What east Baltimore have?”

“Dummy, I been buying local vegetables for like two years over east and west,” Dro laughed. “We got options now, Watkins. This ain’t 1995, wake up!”

“I see.”

“We deserve to have these goodies in reach, bro. Remember, we almost died for these greens!”

I laughed as we got off the phone. I have been traveling constantly over the past 10 years and may have overlooked some of the local developments. I was well aware of the two farmers markets held every Saturday and Sunday in Baltimore as they are my favorite spots — not just for vegetables, but to eat like a pig when I can. However, farms popping up in the middle of the neighborhoods is a development that's new to me.

Dro and I were trying to get in basketball shape: lean, bony and fast. And to do this we knew we had to cut out the fried foods from our beloved sub shops — the chicken boxes, the mozzarella sticks, the crunchy-crunchy onion rings — and incorporate more disgusting green vegetables and salads into our diets.

We did not know that salads were delicious. We were just living in the Sahara of food deserts, only coming across lettuce and tomatoes when they morphed into soggy assets on our chicken cheese steaks . A nd honestly, if the sub shop was out of lettuce and tomatoes, and just gave us damp heroes packed with greasy meat, we would scarf them down anyway.

“Bro, Rocky Stallone the Italian Stallion cracks an egg and drink that s**t,” Dro told me at the beginning of this journey. “Yeah, all protein, good for muscle.”

“Man, yuck. Does frying the egg take the protein out?” I asked. “'Cause eating an egg is eating an egg right? Why it got to be raw? I mean, Rocky ate the egg and lost to Apollo right?”

Dro laughed and said we could cook them, which was a huge step in the right direction for us. Breakfast used to be Lemonheads, Jolly Ranchers, Nerds, Boston Baked Beans, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos , and Butter Crunch cookies, all washed down by Sprite or Pepsi or Brisk Iced Tea.

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Yes, we ate like this, and our parents ate like this, and high blood pressure and high cholesterol and diabetes spread through our neighborhood like mustard. We only came across vegetables that came in cans. They lost all their firmness, were drenched in dangerous preservatives and were always cooked with meat for flavor, so they weren’t really vegetables anymore by the time they made it to our plates. This would not get us our desired results.

“Fried or raw eggs ain’t gonna do it man, we need proper guidance,” I told Dro. “We need to talk to Otis.”

“Good luck with that…”

Otis, who was about five years older than us, was easily the most ripped guy in the neighborhood, especially after he spent three years in the youth jail. We had to holler at him for the kind of advice we needed to get our bodies right. Otis used to be nice in basketball, too, everything we wanted to be, but he could never stay in school. He was always kicked out for fighting or missing class. Otis dropped out in the seventh grade and had been hustling outside of the sub shop ever since.

Dro wasn’t trying to talk to Otis. He didn’t really like mixing in with dealers, so I went solo.

Otis was on the block carrying on two conversations: One with a dude around his age and another with a pretty girl who seemed to smile at everything he said. We locked eyes.

“Shorty, what you up here for, who you lookin’ for?” he asked. I looked around, making sure he was talking to me. Otis ran the block and didn’t have a lot of time for childish games, so I went right in.

“Looking for you,” I said. Perplexed, Otis asked his audience to give him a second and pointed to the alley.

“Step into my office,” he said, walking off, pulling a thin blunt from behind his ear and sparking it. I followed him into the alley. “What you need from me, shorty?”

“Sorry to bother, man, but I want to dunk by the end of summer and make varsity as a freshman,” I said. “I need to get cut up like you.”

Otis blew smoke out of his nose, admiring his own muscular arms. “I used to be bigger, I need to get back on the pull-up bar,” Otis laughed.

He continued: “Shorty, stop sipping alcohol, beer and all that. I be seeing you. That’s one. Two, you need to eat raw vegetables, nothing cooked. Do that, try to do 50 pull-ups and 100 push-ups a day and you be cut like a bag of dope by August. Easy money. No drink, fresh food.”

I thanked Otis and blasted back to Dro with the information. Our only problem was finding the salads.

“Super Pride got salad ingredients, but no salad bar,” Dro said. "We need a salad bar.”

“Why we need a salad bar?” I asked. “Can’t we just make them ourselves?”

“Nah bro, I been to a salad bar with my mother,” he said. “They have meat and like 10 dressings and lil jalapeños and croutons and bacon bits and all that.”

Dro said this magic place was Santoni’s in Highlandtown, about a mile and a half from where we lived.

“That’s far!”

“This is for our future!” Dro said.

That mile meant we had to cross three different neighborhoods — including a sworn rival, even though we weren’t really into street politics — and pass about four sub shops (the equivalent of five-star restaurants, from our inexperienced perspective) to venture into Highlandtown, a place full of the most racist police officers in the city at that time.

"We wanted to dunk and we needed those damn salads."

Highlandtown used to be a white neighborhood and then it turned Black, which pissed the remaining white people off. So some of those remaining white people, mostly men, became cops and found joy in clubbing the new and visiting Black people occupying their space.

But we wanted to dunk. We needed those damn salads.

Our first few trips were smooth. We made it to Santoni’s unscathed and loaded our salads up with so much meat and cheese and ranch and honey mustard that it didn’t feel like eating boring vegetables. It was delicious — maybe because I didn’t leave much space for the vegetables.

On one trip a gun went off, and even though I don’t think it was for us, I wasn’t trying to find out, so I dropped my salad and blasted out of there. “You think that was a gun or a loud firecracker?” Dro asked.

“You want to find out?” I replied.

“Hell no!”

Dro and I beat a guy's ass on another trip. His name was Black Kenny; he had an older brother named Calvin who shot Dro’s older brother a few years earlier, leaving him in a wheelchair. There was also a trip where the two of us got stopped out by like 30 kids, but strangely, Dro held onto his salad and we split.

"These new kids will never know what it’s like to get your head busted over some lettuce and I’m thankful for that."

My favorite trip involved us getting chased all the way to Fayette Street where Crazy Ronald, who was like an uncle to us, spotted us in danger, whipped out a chainsaw — please don’t ask me where he got a chainsaw — and chased the guys who were chasing us, yelling, “Y’all look like my lunchhhh and I’m hungry!” (Disclaimer: No one was sawed in half or became a victim of cannibalism.)

I must admit that the running and fighting on these trips, not to mention the related anxiety, made us quicker and leaner, but after a few weeks, we realized the juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. Death should never be a consequence of venturing off to buy a salad.

Otis caught me on the block enjoying one of my salads toward the end of that journey, looked at my high-calorie concoction and burst into laughter. “What?” I asked.

“Let me see what you working with, shorty,” he said, taking my plate away. “Yo, all this weird pink-colored meat, cheese and ranch. This ain’t no salad, it’s a heart attack.”

“I don’t eat ham,” I shot back. “It’s turkey ham!”

Otis laughed harder. “Ain’t no such thing as turkey ham!”

I had no idea. All that risk and I was doing it wrong. But honestly, we both knew we went OD on the extras. I mean, risking so much to get those salads deserved a reward, right?

These new kids will never know what it’s like to get your head busted over some lettuce, and I’m thankful for that.

Seeing that kid run up the block with that sack of kale was wild inspiring. I hope urban farming continues to grow. I know Dro and I will always support it because, like he said, “We almost died for these greens!”

about this topic

I used to stare down the barrels of guns. Now I'm going to be a dad, and that's scarier
New year, new you? This green smoothie is so filling while also being incredibly nutritious
These simple mashed sweet potatoes are healthier than grandma's, but you won't notice the difference

D. Watkins is an Editor at Large for Salon. He is also a writer on the HBO limited series "We Own This City" and a professor at the University of Baltimore. Watkins is the author of the award-winning, New York Times best-selling memoirs “ The Beast Side: Living (and Dying) While Black in America ”, " The Cook Up: A Crack Rock Memoir ," " Where Tomorrows Aren't Promised: A Memoir of Survival and Hope " as well as " We Speak For Ourselves: How Woke Culture Prohibits Progress ." His new books, " Black Boy Smile: A Memoir in Moments ," and " The Wire: A Complete Visual History " are out now.

The Babe Paley in ‘Feud’ Is Not the Woman I Knew

An illustration of a woman surrounded by four swans.

By Belle Burden

Ms. Burden is a lawyer in New York.

The first time I saw Naomi Watts playing my grandmother Babe Paley in “Feud: Capote vs. the Swans,” she was in tears. She had just discovered her husband’s affair with Happy Rockefeller, the governor’s wife, finding him on the bedroom floor, scrubbing a stain of menstrual blood from their plush carpet. Babe summons Truman Capote to her Fifth Avenue apartment, her face set in distress, her mascara running. He tries to comfort her, handing her a Valium, reminding her that her marital arrangement is still worth it; she can buy a Matisse to soothe her broken heart.

None of this happened.

The torrid, bloodied scene is based in part on Capote’s short story “La Côte Basque, 1965,” published in Esquire in 1975, and on Laurence Leamer’s 2021 nonfiction book, “Capote’s Women.” In Capote’s story, the husband, a media titan who is given a different name, is never on the floor, never discovered by his wife; he scrubs the sheets in the bathtub and places them in the oven to dry. In his book, Mr. Leamer surmises that the governor’s wife in Capote’s story is Marie Harriman, not Ms. Rockefeller.

I can accept that details are changed when real people are fictionalized. I know it is hard to capture the ineffable magic of someone’s presence. There are no live recordings of Babe, no way for an actress to know how she moved and spoke. What I cannot accept is the theft of my grandmother’s narrative.

I was 9 when she died, the day after her 63rd birthday, in 1978. As a grandmother to me, my brother and my older cousins, she was magic. She let us run wild at Kiluna Farm, her house in Manhasset on Long Island. She insisted we join the adults at every meal. To entertain us, she would arrange a large piece of lettuce or spinach in her teeth, smiling, pretending it wasn’t there. We would dissolve into laughter, squealing, “Baba,” the name we called her. She cheered when my cousin Brooke directed us in elaborate skits performed for her guests after dinner.

My grandmother was tactile and affectionate. She always pulled me onto her lap, kissed the nape of my neck and told me what flavor she tasted — honey, marmalade, lavender. At bedtime, she used her long red manicured nails to compose imaginary paintings on my face. She let me try on all her jewelry, the two of us in front of her mirror, her graceful hands clasping necklaces around my neck, bracelets on my small wrists. She had fake versions of my favorite pieces made for me for Christmas, all perfectly arranged in a red lacquer box.

My grandmother was wounded by Capote taking the things she told him, changing them, betraying her confidence and her privacy, which she guarded fiercely. Now her life has been stolen and twisted again, posthumously, by the creators of “Feud,” including the executive producer Ryan Murphy, the writer Jon Robin Baitz and the director Gus Van Sant. In the show, Babe is drawn as the ultimate victim: of her husband’s infidelity, Capote’s betrayal, her failing health. In victimhood, in her constant suffering, in the dramatic fabrications, she becomes one-dimensional, a woman defined by surfaces — a woman defined by men, reconstructing her life to suit their needs.

I had planned to take the show lightly, to remind myself it was made to be fun, a campy romp. I did not expect it to upset me. But it is a strange thing to see one’s family portrayed on television, to see a beloved grandparent dying again, to see facts changed, stories embellished, demeaning details added for the sake of entertainment. Babe comes off fairly well, at least compared with the other fictionalized swans. Her fame, her status as an icon of the era, is burnished by the show. I should not complain. Yet, as I watched each episode, as the inaccuracies and misrepresentations stacked up, I felt furious, in defense of her.

In real life, the grandmother I knew wasn’t a pill popper or prone to drinking to excess. She would never have been so shallow as to be placated by a piece of art or jewelry. She wouldn’t have worn a shift dress, a clip hat or baggy pants. She was not, as Capote tells us in the show, an “ugly duckling” before a car accident in her teens; as recounted to me by my mother, Amanda Burden, my grandmother lost only her teeth in that accident, not her cheekbones, and she was, by many accounts, quite beautiful before the event. My grandmother quit smoking the day she was diagnosed with lung cancer; in almost every episode of the show, Babe smokes, even after chemotherapy sessions. According to my mother, the birthday party featured in the fifth episode, in which Babe ends up drunk in a bathtub, never happened. The writers of the show have embellished the facts of my grandmother’s life. The viewing public, including close friends of mine, have accepted this portrayal as the truth.

My grandmother was far more complex than that. She was brilliant. She was funny. She was rarely at rest. She read constantly. She could lead a conversation on any topic. She was an artist, drawing in pencil and sculpting in clay, skills she kept hidden from most of the world. She was tall — 5-foot-9 — and her entry into any room was regal, commanding. She had a steely strength, not a weepy one, and a warm and playful charisma. Her famous style was born from those things: intelligence and artistry.

The creators of “Feud” have made an entertaining and stylish show. But to my knowledge, no one in my family, not even my mother, was consulted by the creators, writers, directors or cast members to lend color or truth to Babe’s portrait, to her strengths and struggles, her complexities and contradictions. Had they asked us and a different portrait of my grandmother — faithful to her, multidimensional — had been drawn, the whole of the story would have had more shape, more tension, more depth.

What I wish more than anything is that my grandmother had lived long enough, and been bold enough, to tell her own story, claiming it before anyone had the chance to steal it from her.

Belle Burden is a lawyer in New York.

The Times is committed to publishing a diversity of letters to the editor. We’d like to hear what you think about this or any of our articles. Here are some tips . And here’s our email: [email protected] .

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An earlier version of this article misspelled the middle name of a writer. He is Jon Robin Baitz, not Rabin.

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Here are 12 facts you may not know about cat death (and animal death in general): 1. Cats die with their eyes open. It takes active muscle control to close the eyes. (The same is true of humans.) 2. Many cats "hide" when they are sick. This is a defensive mechanism to prevent predators from spotting them in a vulnerable state.
12 Ways to Say 'Sorry for the Loss of Your Cat'
After a loved one's cat dies, they can feel very isolated without their feline friend. A message like this may help your loved one feel just a little less alone. 2. "You gave [pet's name] such a great life.". When a person or animal dies, humans sometimes do a strange thing. We stop referring to the deceased by name.
Sudden Cat Death: Tips for Understanding Why It Happens
A stroke is caused by the disruption of blood supply to the brain, which precipitates failure of nerve impulses to be transmitted from the brain to the rest of the body. The symptoms can come on quickly and cause sudden cat death. Signs of a stroke include difficulty walking, weakness, falling to one side, paralysis of one side of the body, and ...
28 Loss of a Cat Quotes to Commemorate Passed Pets
Best Loss of a Cat Quotes. "What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us.". - Helen Keller. "Many beautiful angels are leaping through heaven with a meow.". - Unknown. "What greater gift than the love of a cat.". - Charles Dickens.
I am heartbroken by my cat's death : r/cats
When my first (long-term foster) cat died, I couldn't cope with the idea of losing another one, but at the same time I couldn't stand the unexpected silence of my house. ... I was in school at the time so I wrote an essay about death (which ironically helped a lot). I channeled my emotions into creative writing. I cuddled my pet's favorite ...
The Death of My Cat
560 Words2 Pages. The Death of My Cat. This fall, in the bleak and rainy days just after Thanksgiving, two members of my family died. The first, a great aunt, passed on after lingering for years in a nursing home. Her funeral was sad in that the only mourners, other than her sister and the immediate family, were an elderly couple who once lived ...
Essay on My Pet Cat for Students and Children in English
This short essay on the topic of My Pet Cat is suitable for students of class 6 and below. Short My Pet Cat Essay in English for Classes 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. My pet cat is a Persian Cat, and her name is Fluffles. My family and I named her Fluffles because of how fluffy and soft her white fur is. Sometimes, Fluffles camouflages with the carpet in my ...
Opinion
Karlotta Freier. 377. By Sarah Wildman. Ms. Wildman is a staff writer and editor in Opinion. A block from my house at the edge of Washington, there is a winding park with a road running through it ...
Japan must reform its refugee and immigration system to avoid further
Less than four years later, on March 6, 2021, Wishma died in an immigration detention centre in Nagoya, where she had languished for months, visibly unwell. She is reported to be the 18th person to die in such a facility since 2007 — a victim of draconian immigration laws in what may be the developed world's least welcoming country for ...
"We almost died for these greens": A journey through my food desert
Advertisement: "Dummy, I been buying local vegetables for like two years over east and west," Dro laughed, "We got options now, Watkins. This ain't 1995, wake up!". "I see.". "We ...
Opinion
March 6, 2024. Kristina Tzekova. By Belle Burden. Ms. Burden is a lawyer in New York. The first time I saw Naomi Watts playing my grandmother Babe Paley in "Feud: Capote vs. the Swans," she ...