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Cause and Effect of Broken Family: Exploring the Impact on Individuals and Society

Table of contents, causes of broken families, effects on individuals, consequences for society, addressing the impact, conclusion: fostering resilience and support.

• Amato, P. R. (2000). The consequences of divorce for adults and children. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 1269-1287.
• McLanahan, S., & Sandefur, G. (1994). Growing up with a single parent: What hurts, what helps. Harvard University Press.
• Heath, A. F., & Killewald, A. (2013). The importance of nonresident fathers for children's well-being. Annual Review of Sociology, 39, 149-170.
• Braver, S. L., Wolchik, S. A., Sandler, I. N., Sheets, V., Fogas, B., & Bay, R. C. (1993). A longitudinal study of noncustodial parents: Parents without children. Journal of Family Psychology, 7(1), 9-23.
• Wallerstein, J. S., & Kelly, J. B. (1980). Surviving the breakup: How children and parents cope with divorce. Basic Books.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Love — My Experience Growing Up from Broken Family

My Experience Growing Up from Broken Family

• Categories: Love

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Words: 1295 |

Published: Jun 5, 2019

Words: 1295 | Pages: 3 | 7 min read

Works Cited

• Ahmadi, S., & Sadeghi, H. (2015). The relationship between family function and mental health in female students of high schools in Tehran. Iranian Journal of Psychiatric Nursing, 2(2), 1-6.
• Bernstein, D. P., & Fink, L. (1998). Childhood Trauma Questionnaire: A retrospective self-report manual. The Psychological Corporation.
• Brazelton, T. B. (1992). Touchpoints: Your child's emotional and behavioral development. Addison-Wesley Publishing Company.
• Chauhan, P., Gupta, R., & Parmar, R. (2018). A study on parent-child relationship and mental health of adolescents. International Journal of Indian Psychology, 6(3), 124-131.
• Gardner, T. W., & Ward, S. (2016). Life span developmental psychology: Introduction to research methods. Routledge.
• Goodman, R. (2001). Psychometric properties of the strengths and difficulties questionnaire. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 40(11), 1337-1345.
• Hough, M. (2017). Marriage, divorce, remarriage. Open University Press.
• King, D. (2009). The impact of family breakdown on children's well-being: Evidence review. The Scottish Government.
• Lopez, F. G., Castro, N., & Rincón, P. (2013). Mexican-American men's and women's preferences for and attitudes toward counseling. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 60(2), 227-235.
• Santrock, J. W. (2017). Life-span development. McGraw-Hill Education.

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Having a Broken Family: What It Means and How to Cope

Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer and former staffer at TODAY on NBC and CBS News. She's also contributed to dozens of magazines.

Ivy Kwong, LMFT, is a psychotherapist specializing in relationships, love and intimacy, trauma and codependency, and AAPI mental health.  

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Even the most seemingly idyllic families face problems, and sometimes it can be hard to determine exactly how to go about navigating these issues. In the most extreme cases, certain problems can even lead to estrangement when relationships are severed for a prolonged period of time.

Often called broken families, there are many potential causes of estrangement between family members, and many of them come down to specific details surrounding the individuals and the situations involved. To find out more about what causes these relational rifts, as well as how to solve them, Verywell Mind tapped Frank Anderson, MD , a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, who specializes in the treatment of trauma.

"A broken family is one that includes unhealthy or severed relationships within the family unit," explains Anderson. "They are often associated with divorce but certainly can occur in an intact family where various members are in conflict with or estranged from each other." 

What Causes Estrangement Between Family Members?

While every relationship is unique, Anderson explained some common causes of estrangement among family members:

• Abuse: Anderson notes that this can include sexual, physical, or emotional abuse. While abuse is typically a result of some other factor (mental health problems, for example), it can cause relationship trauma and it's understandable if it complicates your ability to forgive.
• Mental health issues: If you or your family member faced mental health conditions or substance use issues that resulted in the estrangement, it's important to address those issues before moving forward with attempting to fix the relationship. If you were struggling with the issues, make sure you seek help from a therapist and then communicate to the family member that you have sought help and moved forward. If a family member was the one dealing with mental health issues, it's OK to ask them if they've addressed the issues by seeking out help.
• Financial abuse: Money can complicate any relationship, but this is especially true for loved ones. In a marriage, one person may be spending beyond the budget, or overly controlling with the money. Serious issues can arise when there is a death of a parent, and the children do not agree on how the assets are distributed among them. That said, many times these issues can be remedied by being open and honest about your concerns.
• Differing beliefs: This can come into play in a variety of ways—such as political or religious—and if it impacts your ability or your family member's ability to be kind and respectful, then it can become a major problem.
• Boundary crossings: This is perhaps especially true for immediate family members like parents or siblings. In these cases, it's especially important to make sure you've made the person aware of your boundaries so that they know exactly what it is that offends you. It's also important to listen to your family members if they are trying to explain their boundaries to you.
• Overly controlling parents or parental figures: While parents or parental figures often mean well , they can sometimes push too far when it comes to exerting their control. If this is carrying over into your personal life and impacting your relationships as an adult, it's important to make your parents aware of the ways they're affecting your life.
• Refusals to apologize: If you or a loved one are refusing to apologize , it's especially important to make sure you understand the other person's motives. If you feel that everyone's reasoning has been considered and there's still a refusal to apologize, this can cause a major rift.

How Do You Know When a Familial Relationship Is Worth Saving?

First off, it's important to be honest with yourself about the nature of the relationship you had with this family member before things went sour. Was it meaningful and positive or is the relationship's history lined with toxicity ? If you do find that it was meaningful and positive, it may be worth mending.

Broken families are repairable when the involved parties are willing to meet together, to listen to each other’s point of view, and to be able to freely discuss their differences with the intention of resolving the conflict and repairing the relationship.

How to Effectively Repair Relationships With Family Members

In order to effectively repair a relationship, Anderson emphasizes the importance of both parties' willingness to "forgo a defensive posture." By this, he means that each party should be willing to listen to the other, even if this means hearing things that are potentially hurtful. It also requires both parties to speak honestly and openly about their feelings.

"If at any time it becomes unsafe to anyone involved, each party should have the freedom to end the discussion, perhaps postpone it for another time or leave it without further follow-up if necessary," says Anderson.

If you want to speak with a family member, but you're worried that things will get too heated for either person, it may be helpful to enlist the help of a mediator.

"It is often helpful to have a third-party present to arbitrate the discussion," says Anderson. "The neutral party should be able to feel empowered to speak up when necessary and establish boundaries and guidelines for the ensuing discussion."

How to Accept That a Family Relationship Is Over

Sometimes, it is better to end the relationship completely. When a family member continues to be toxic, abusive, unapologetic, or unwilling to seek professional help, then you will not be able to successfully resolve conflict with this person and they will continue to hurt you.

It's important to note that you can forgive someone without reinstating a relationship with that person. In fact, it's better for your mental health if you forgive them because it can help you find peace.

"Forgiveness is something that is achieved internally," says Anderson. "It does not necessarily require the other person to be present in order for it to be meaningful, successful, and long-lasting."

Anderson emphasizes the importance of therapy when it comes to processing the end of any important relationship. While it may take some time, if you're open to mentally forgiving someone, you can move past it in a way that brings you internal peace.

"It is certainly possible, in the context of a supportive therapeutic setting, to work through, resolve, release, and forgive a family member who has hurt you, even if you don’t have contact with them," says Anderson.

A Word From Verywell

Relationships are complicated and even the most ideal family will have conflict at some point. Oftentimes, conflict can be resolved with effective communication, forgiveness, and sometimes the aid of professional help. Other times, the family unit is broken, conflict cannot be resolved, and you may find yourself estranged from certain family members.

It can be difficult to accept a relationship is broken, but maintaining healthy boundaries in your family relationships can prevent further pain.

Moving past hurtful things from the past is possible, and you will be better for it. Whether you need to forgive a family member for yourself or in order to mend a relationship, it's always best to make sure you do what's going to benefit your mental health.

By Brittany Loggins Brittany is a health and lifestyle writer and former staffer at TODAY on NBC and CBS News. She's also contributed to dozens of magazines.

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Causes and Consequences of broken family

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Family is said to be the first institution where one starts to equip oneself to grow. But differences have been found to each family. According to the administration and organizing family, each produces various kinds of character. Having healthy and happy family is what everyone’s dream. But many could not succeed it. Due to different problem, the healthy families have been broken up as well. When unwanted things are coming up, many families have been broken, and the members are separated. This is a tragic happening out of unrestricted reasons as well as unfortunate reasons. So, in this paper we will explore more on the causes of broken family and their consequences.

1. Broken family: Meaning and Implication: No matter how ideal a family in the terms of their relationship, there are still hardships and misunderstandings that will come along the way. It is just part of any relationship anyway. But, the sad part is when one of the family members gave up and the others have no choice but to accept and let go. Thus, the family starts to be broken.

When we say broken family, it is not distinct and strange thing, rather common and experiencing problem in and around us. Family life is in a crisis when some problems aroused and which causes separation of the members in the families, which is simply called broken family. However a mere separation due to education, job, etc is not broken family, even though the family members are staying away from each other.

To be broken in the family, there must be some crises which are arisen out of misconception, mistreating, misunderstanding, mis-acceptance, etc. Then the occurring crises lead to the divorce of parents, disposal of sons or daughters and leaving home by any members of that family. It is very controversial that whether to claim every splitting up is broken family, while they still run the family well. There are many families without father, mother, and other members but still conditionally and systematically running. They may not like to call them broken. Of course they are not broken, rather just some members left away.

2. Causes of Broken Family:

2.1. Parents’ divorce: In anytime, anywhere and anyhow, divorce is not healthy for the family life. But it happens. Divorce is claimed to be the main reason behind broken family. The common disputes between a husband and a wife are the financial issue, sexual misunderstanding, early marriage, teen pregnancy, education, health problem, etc. When the parents get divorced, usually either of them or sometime both of them leave home. Then the absence of either or both the parents will affect the family administration, then family become broken.

2.2. Death: It is obvious that death reduces the family strength. More adversely death sometime leads to broken family. Like other reason all death in the family do not necessarily bring any broken, but by the death of mother or father children become mother/father less. Moreover if the left partner live a drastic life in search of happiness after losing his/her partner, the results in the family could not be hale and hearty for the family life. Then it starts to be broken.

2.3. Misconception between family members: Apart from divorce parents and death, there can be a family problem caused by misconception between the members in the home. The reason may be differ from each other. However the most common reasons are drugs abusing, drinking alcohol, misbehavior manner and doing other intoxicant things by the father, sons or any other members. Then there comes misconception, ruining and anger, which in turn caused breaking the relationship of himself and herself from the family.

2.4. Unconditional administration: Failure in administration in the family is one cause for the breaking up of family. If the father or mother or any other heads fail to administer, there will be problems among the members of the family. They will be free to do whatever and however they like in the home and outside. Then the unsystematic and improper living will affect the remaining relationship in the family. If the relationship has been worsening, there will definitely be losing of caring which can lead to broken in the family.

2.5. Parental or friends influence: Another reason why a family has broken up is because of parental or friends influence. When a third party has involved itself in the matters inside the home, bad-mouthing will just likely to happen and misunderstanding will only grow worse. Everyone has friends; we used to share our problems with them. But there can be negative impact. To whom we thought helps will come, another unexpected advice may come. Many a time, broken family, particularly splitting up of parents took place due to the influences made by our friends.

3. Consequences of broken Family:

3.1. To the children: Children are the ones who suffer most of broken family. The immediate effect has been shot upon them. When a couple split up, it is the children that are greatly affected scarring them physically, emotionally and socially. Children are supposed to grow up in a healthy family where they could receive love, care and concern from their parents. However in the broken family, from where children would get such love and care? It is, therefore, children of the broken family are normally growing up with having low and bad manner. Children who make problem, rivalry and discontentment in the school or other gathering place are usually from the broken family. Most of children admitted in the Remand home, or other social centers due to some serious mistakes are brought up from broken family where there is no proper administration and proper living standard. Broken family is followed by financial problems generally. That is why; there are more tendencies for children to do stealing and robbing.

3.2. To the adolescence: The impact of having a broken home usually manifests in the adolescence experiencing the feeling of separation. It may cause an internal conflict which may result to depression, anxiety, disobedience, aggression and low self-esteem. On the other hand, broken family opens the door for the young people to live their life as they wish. When children are growing up, they like to learn something more and explore new thing as much as possible. They adjust with the new things quickly. In that situation if there is no proper guidance, they will learn and enjoy bad things more. It is hard to see young people of broken family behaving well manner. They usually have free time to roam around. There is no much controller who could guide them in the right ways. Controlling and guiding adolescents in a right way is difficult even in a proper family, how much more will it be in a broken family.

3.3. To the parents: The consequence of broken family to the parent is caused by death and other reasons apart from divorce. When they lose their children, they develop grieve and anxiety. Their mental suffering adversely affects their health. There are some parents lost their health and eventually died. There the breaking of the family is great lost for each and every members of the family.

3.4. To the Society: Broken family is a major problem of the society that should be given enough attention. The behavior of family setup affects the social, economic and political aspects of a country.More broken families produce more negative affects in the society. Society is built up with communitarian life of the people who live there in. However just and pleasant society will last on the strength and capacity of mutual care to each other. There should be proper living standard. In the mean time, society used to have serial problems of robbing, killing, raping, stealing, disturbing others, making some noise, etc. It is said that all these societal problems are coming out of people who do not get proper teaching at their home; usually those are broken families.

4. From Family counseling perspective: It is not possible to provide accurate and concrete suggestions, which are suitable to all situations of broken families. Therefore some few suggestions have been mentioned here with mixing up of the overcoming and preventing suggestions:

4.1. Re-marriage: If it is possible, remarriage is the first medicine to provide for broken family, particularly divorcing broken. But it may be difficult to remarry, basing on the situation how they get divorced. The divorced parents must reconsider the future effects of their deeds to their children. The children may grow up with having step-family or rather they will lose their nature of life if the family goes on as broken. To remarry, trying to develop new positive relationships within the family or between the couple is very necessary. Majority of the children support the remarry of their parents.

4.2. Coping with the conflict: This is the other step that we can look for the solution of broken family. To remarry, coping with the problem is a must. Let the parent started to use their strength to cope with the difficulties in the family, the children will follow.

4.3. Forgiveness in the family: Family problems have to be found in every home, whether is any kind of family. Due to some conflicts and some mistakes we made, the other members got discontentment. Whenever problems come in the family, mutual forgiveness is the needed step to be taken. Forgiveness will prevent the splitting up and it will also restructure the relationship.

4.4. Going on with the matter: Sometime there are impossibilities to cope with the problems, and unsolvable splitting has come. In that situation, remaining members need to strengthen themselves to go on with the matter. Whether they may lose father or mother, son or daughter, if there is no hope to get back the lost ones, they should go on with trying to have the proper running family. Here preparing them to have courage to go on is our responsibility.

4.5. Keeping family relationship unchanged: This is preventing suggestion that the family need to keep the relationship of the members unchanged or more keeping it more strength. To have that kind of family, there should be proper arrangement of doing things together. Some suggestions made by Drenda Keesee are:

4.5.1. Having family day once a week. Let a different family member choose the “perfect day” each week, keeping in budget, of course.

4.5.2. Praying on family day: Even if only for a few minutes, praying together creats better relationship.

4.5.3. Planning a break away from everyone and everything except spouse and children for some time is sometime to be practiced.

4.5.4. Engage teens in the planning process: Letting children or teens to help the father with research, reservations, and ideas is very meaningful points. Adventure is important, and can make you “way cool” to your teen.

4.5.5. Find something to do together. Doing something together as couple or family is another ideal developing relationship. Nearly any activity done together can inspire communication.

Conclusion: By being human beings we all have limitations and shortcomings, due to these we used to make problems for other for some time. Family filled with mutual love and care is the ideal for all of us. But because of such human incapacity, we cannot succeed it. Then conflicts aroused which caused broken family. There can be many reasons as we have discussed previously. There can also be various consequences in every development stages of life, even in the society.

However, it is to be noted that when there is problem and impact, there is also the solving idea. Broken family also can be solved at the same time, it could be prevented. In these ways we can go on with the broken family. Even though it has the adverse effects on the society, looking down and condemnation is not to be our responses. The Christian response and Counseling response should be rooted in this way, “My brothers, if someone is caught in any kind of wrong doing, those of you who are spiritual should set him right; but you must do it in a gentle way. And keep an eye on yourselves so that you will not be tempted, too. Help to carry one another’s burdens, and ion this way you will obey the law of Christ”(Galatians 6:1-2).

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Family conflict is normal; it’s the repair that matters, here's how to navigate the inevitable tension and disconnection in family relationships..

Three months into the pandemic, I had the urge to see my 28-year-old daughter and her husband, 2,000 miles away. She had weathered an acute health crisis, followed by community protests that propelled them both onto the streets to serve food and clean up neighborhoods. They were coping, but the accumulation of challenges made the mom in me want to connect with and support them. So, together with my husband, my other daughter, and her husband, our family of six adults and two dogs formed a new pod inside my daughter’s home in the steamy heat of the Minneapolis summer.

As I packed, a wisp of doubt crept in. We six hadn’t lived together under the same roof, ever . Would I blow it? Would I “flap my lips,” as a friend calls it, and accidentally say something hurtful? Some time back, in a careless moment of exhaustion, I had insulted my brand-new son-in-law with a thoughtless remark. He was rightfully hurt, and it took a long letter and a phone call to get us back on track.

My own siblings and I were raised inside the intractable rupture that was my parents’ marriage. Their lifelong conflict sowed discord and division in everyone around them. I worked hard to create a different, positive family climate with my husband and our children. My old ghosts were haunting me, though, and I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. 

Yet research shows that it’s not realistic, or possible, or even healthy to expect that our relationships will be harmonious all the time. Everything we know from developmental science and research on families suggests that rifts will happen—and what matters more is how you respond to them. With many families spending more time together than ever now, there are ample opportunities for tension and hurt feelings. These moments also offer ample invitations to reconnect.

Disconnections are a fact of life

Researcher Ed Tronick, together with colleague Andrew Gianino, calculated how often infants and caregivers are attuned to each other. (Attunement is a back-and-forth rhythm of interaction where partners share positive emotions.) They found that it’s surprisingly little. Even in healthy, securely attached relationships, caregivers and babies are in sync only 30% of the time. The other 70%, they’re mismatched, out of synch, or making repairs and coming back together. Cheeringly, even babies work toward repairs with their gazes, smiles, gestures, protests, and calls.

These mismatches and repairs are critical, Tronick explains. They’re important for growing children’s self-regulation, coping, and resilience. It is through these mismatches—in small, manageable doses—that babies, and later children, learn that the world does not track them perfectly. These small exposures to the micro-stress of unpleasant feelings, followed by the pleasant feelings that accompany repair, or coming back together, are what give them manageable practice in keeping their boat afloat when the waters are choppy. Put another way, if a caregiver met all of their child’s needs perfectly, it would actually get in the way of the child’s development. 
 “Repairing ruptures is the most essential thing in parenting,” says UCLA neuropsychiatrist Dan Siegel , director of the Mindsight Institute and author of several books on interpersonal neurobiology.

Life is a series of mismatches, miscommunications, and misattunements that are quickly repaired, says Tronick , and then again become miscoordinated and stressful, and again are repaired. This occurs thousands of times in a day, and millions of times over a year.

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Other research shows that children have more conflicts and repairs with friends than non-friends. Sibling conflict is legendary; and adults’ conflicts escalate when they become parents. If interpersonal conflict is unavoidable—and even necessary—then the only way we can maintain important relationships is to get better at re-synchronizing them, and especially at tending to repairs when they rupture.

“Relationships shrink to the size of the field of repair,” says Rick Hanson , psychologist and author of several books on the neuroscience of well-being. “But a bid for a repair is one of the sweetest and most vulnerable and important kinds of communication that humans offer to each other,” he adds. “It says you value the relationship.”

Strengthening the family fabric

In a small Canadian study , researchers examined how parents of four- to seven-year-old children strengthened, harmed, or repaired their relationships with their children. Parents said their relationships with their children were strengthened by “horizontal” or egalitarian exchanges like playing together, negotiating, taking turns, compromising, having fun, or sharing psychological intimacy—in other words, respecting and enjoying one another. Their relationships were harmed by an over-reliance on power and authority, and especially by stonewalling tactics like the “silent treatment.” When missteps happened, parents repaired and restored intimacy by expressing warmth and affection, talking about what happened, and apologizing.

This model of strengthening, harming, and repairing can help you think about your own interactions. When a family relationship is already positive, there is a foundation of trust and a belief in the other’s good intentions, which helps everyone restore more easily from minor ruptures. For this reason, it helps to proactively tend the fabric of family relationships. 
 That can begin with simply building up an investment of positive interactions:

• Spend “special time” with each child individually to create more space to deepen your one-to-one relationship. Let them control the agenda and decide how long you spend together.
• Appreciate out loud, share gratitude reflections, and notice the good in your children intermittently throughout the day or week.

You also want to watch out for ways you might harm the relationship. If you’re ever unsure about a child’s motives, check their intentions behind their behaviors and don’t assume they were ill-intentioned. Language like, “I noticed that…” or “Tell me what happened…” or “And then what happened?” can help you begin to understand an experience from the child’s point of view.

A Loving Space for Kids’ Emotions

Show love to your children by helping them process emotions

When speaking to a child, consider how they might receive what you’re saying. Remember that words and silence have weight; children are “ emotional Geiger counters ” and read your feelings much more than they process your words. If you are working through feelings or traumas that have nothing to do with them, take care to be responsible for your own feelings and take a moment to calm yourself before speaking.

In this context of connection and understanding, you can then create a family culture where rifts are expected and repairs are welcomed:

• Watch for tiny bids for repairs . Sometimes we have so much on our minds that we miss the look, gesture, or expression in a child that shows that what they really want is to reconnect.
• Normalize requests like “I need a repair” or “Can we have a redo?” We need to be able to let others know when the relationship has been harmed.
• Likewise, if you think you might have stepped on someone’s toes, circle back to check. Catching a misstep early can help.

When you’re annoyed by a family member’s behavior, try to frame your request for change in positive language; that is, say what you want them to do rather than what you don’t. Language like, “I have a request…” or “Would you be willing to…?” keeps the exchange more neutral and helps the recipient stay engaged rather than getting defensive.

You can also model healthy repairs with people around you, so they are normalized and children see their usefulness in real time. Children benefit when they watch adults resolve conflict constructively.


Four steps to an authentic repair

There are infinite varieties of repairs, and they can vary in a number of ways, depending on your child’s age and temperament, and how serious the rift was.

Infants need physical contact and the restoration of love and security. Older children need affection and more words. Teenagers may need more complex conversations. Individual children vary in their styles—some need more words than others, and what is hurtful to one child may not faze another child. Also, your style might not match the child’s, requiring you to stretch further.

Some glitches are little and may just need a check-in, but deeper wounds need more attention. Keep the apology in proportion to the hurt. What’s important is not your judgment of how hurt someone should be, but the actual felt experience of the child’s hurt. A one-time apology may suffice, but some repairs need to be acknowledged frequently over time to really stitch that fabric back together. It’s often helpful to check in later to see if the amends are working.

While each repair is unique, authentic repairs typically involve the same steps.

1. Acknowledge the offense. First, try to understand the hurt you caused. It doesn’t matter if it was unintentional or what your reasons were. This is the time to turn off your own defense system and focus on understanding and naming the other person’s pain or anger.

Sometimes you need to check your understanding. Begin slowly: “Did I hurt you? Help me understand how.” This can be humbling and requires that we listen with an open heart as we take in the other person’s perspective.

Try not to undermine the apology by adding on any caveats, like blaming the child for being sensitive or ill-behaved or deserving of what happened. Any attempt to gloss over, minimize, or dilute the wound is not an authentic repair. Children have a keen sense for authenticity. Faking it or overwhelming them will not work.

A spiritual teacher reminded me of an old saying, “It is acknowledging the wound that gets the thorn out.” It’s what reconnects our humanity.

Making an Effective Apology

A good apology involves more than saying "sorry"

2. Express remorse. Here, a sincere “I’m sorry” is sufficient.

Don’t add anything to it. One of the mistakes adults often make, according to therapist and author Harriet Lerner , is to tack on a discipline component: “Don’t let it happen again,” or “Next time, you’re really going to get it.” This, says Lerner, is what prevents children from learning to use apologies themselves. 
 Apologizing can be tricky for adults. It might feel beneath us, or we may fear that we’re giving away our power. We shouldn’t have to apologize to a child, because as adults we are always right, right? Of course not. But it’s easy to get stuck in a vertical power relationship to our child that makes backtracking hard.

On the other hand, some adults—especially women, says Rick Hanson —can go overboard and be too effusive, too obsequious, or even too quick in their efforts to apologize. This can make the apology more about yourself than the person who was hurt. Or it could be a symptom of a need for one’s own boundary work.   

There is no perfect formula for an apology except that it be delivered in a way that acknowledges the wound and makes amends. And there can be different paths to that. Our family sometimes uses a jokey, “You were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong, you were right, I was wrong,” to playfully acknowledge light transgressions. Some apologies are nonverbal: My father atoned for missing all of my childhood birthdays when he traveled 2,000 miles to surprise me at my doorstep for an adult birthday. Words are not his strong suit, but his planning, effort, and showing up was the repair. Apologies can take on all kinds of tones and qualities.

3. Consider offering a brief explanation. If you sense that the other person is open to listening, you can provide a brief explanation of your point of view, but use caution, as this can be a slippery slope. Feel into how much is enough. The focus of the apology is on the wounded person’s experience. If an explanation helps, fine, but it shouldn’t derail the intent. This is not the time to add in your own grievances—that’s a conversation for a different time.

4. Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and to prevent it from happening again. With a child, especially, try to be concrete and actionable about how the same mistake can be prevented in the future. “I’m going to try really hard to…” and “Let’s check back in to see how it’s feeling…” can be a start.

Remember to forgive yourself, too. This is a tender process, we are all works in progress, and adults are still developing. I know I am.

Prior to our visit, my daughter and I had a phone conversation. We shared our excitement about the rare chance to spend so much time together. Then we gingerly expressed our concerns.

 “I’m afraid we’ll get on each other’s nerves,” I said.

“I’m afraid I’ll be cooking and cleaning the whole time,” she replied.

So we strategized about preventing these foibles. She made a spreadsheet of chores where everyone signed up for a turn cooking and cleaning, and we discussed the space needs that people would have for working and making phone calls.

Then I drew a breath and took a page from the science. “I think we have to expect that conflicts are going to happen,” I said. “It’s how we work through them that will matter. The love is in the repair.”

This article is excerpted from a longer article on Diana Divecha’s blog, developmentalscience.com.

About the Author

Diana divecha.

Diana Divecha, Ph.D. , is a developmental psychologist, an assistant clinical professor at the Yale Child Study Center and Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, and on the advisory board of the Greater Good Science Center. Her blog is developmentalscience.com .

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The Causes and Effects of a Broken Family Essay Example

• Pages: 2 (503 words)
• Published: September 1, 2016
• Type: Research Paper

Family is the basic components of the society. A group of individuals living under one roof. We believe that the number one ingredients on youth’s happy life are their family that the parents are the most important source of youth’s behavior, which effect to their outlook in life.A family includes a householder and one or more people living in the same household who are related to the householder by birth, marriage, or adoption. All people in a household who are related to the householder are regarded as members of his or her family.

Marriage the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. Marriage in the eyes of God: A. The couple is married in the

eyes of God when the physical union is consummated through sexual intercourse. B. The couple is married in the eyes of God when the couple is legally married. C. The couple is married in the eyes of God after they have participated in a formal religious wedding ceremony.

A broken family is one where the parents (mother and father) of a child or children have split up and no longer share a single family home as a family unit. This is also known as a broken home.

What do you want to find out?

We want to find out the cause of having a broken family and how does it affect the youth and how they will react/act on it and the emotions that the children have to deal with.Will it be a positive or negative impac

to the child/children?

Cause of Broken Family:

•  The spouses fall out of love with each other.
• Financial pressure.
• One spouse who is not capable of commitment.
• Psychological disorders such as major depression and the person will not go for help.
• If the husband works long hours or works out of town and the wife seldom sees her husband and has a heavy load of raising their children.
• Sometimes having an over-bearing mother or mother-in-law living with the couple.
• A male partner that is lethargic about finding work to support his family.
• Alcoholism; drugs; hanging out in a gang.

Effects to the parents:

Child Abuse When parents are unhappy in their parental roles or when a frictional relationship exists between them, some babies become the target of anger and excitement. The babies are either neglected or abused. This might lead to unhealthy parent-child relationships.

Over Protective Parents who are over protected and prevented their children from doing what they are capable of doing. This might lead to abnormal fear of members outside and excessive shyness in the presence of strangers.

Failure to Develop Attachment Behaviour Failure to establish attachment behaviour leads to feelings of insecurity.

It is not quiet clear if what is the percentage of broken family in the Philippines, but as per estimation it consist at least 5 to 15%.

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Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

Students are often asked to write an essay on Effects Of Broken Family in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

Introduction.

A broken family refers to a family where parents live apart due to divorce, separation, or death. This situation can have different effects on the family members, especially children.

Emotional Effects

Kids in a broken family often experience emotional stress. They may feel sad, angry, or confused about the situation. This can lead to problems like depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Academic Performance

The emotional turmoil can affect a child’s focus in school. They might find it hard to concentrate on studies, leading to a drop in their academic performance.

Social Skills

Children from broken families might struggle with social skills. They may find it difficult to trust others and build healthy relationships. This can lead to loneliness and isolation.

Behavioral Issues

The stress and confusion can lead to behavioral issues. Children may become rebellious, aggressive, or withdrawn. They might also get involved in risky behaviors like substance abuse.

In conclusion, a broken family can have various negative effects on a child’s emotional health, academic performance, social skills, and behavior. It’s important to provide support and understanding to help them cope.

250 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

A broken family refers to a family where the parents are separated or divorced. This situation can have a big impact on the children and other family members.

Emotional Impact

The first effect of a broken family is the emotional impact on the children. Children may feel a deep sense of loss and sadness. They may also feel confused and scared about what will happen to them. This can lead to feelings of loneliness and depression.

Another effect of a broken family is on a child’s school performance. The stress and emotional turmoil can make it hard for a child to focus on their studies. This can result in lower grades and a lack of interest in school.

Children from broken families may also struggle with social skills. They may find it hard to trust others and form healthy relationships. This can lead to feelings of isolation and difficulty fitting in with their peers.

Behavioural Changes

Broken families can also lead to changes in a child’s behaviour. Some children may act out, become aggressive, or start to engage in risky behaviours. This is often a way for them to express their feelings of anger and frustration.

In conclusion, broken families can have a significant impact on a child’s emotional well-being, academic performance, social skills, and behaviour. It is important for parents, teachers, and other adults to provide support and understanding to help children cope with these challenges.

500 Words Essay on Effects Of Broken Family

A broken family is one where the parents are not living together. This can happen due to divorce, separation, or death. In such families, children often live with one parent or move between both. This situation can affect the children in several ways.

One of the main effects of a broken family is the emotional impact on children. They may feel sad, angry, or confused. They may blame themselves for their parents’ separation. This can lead to feelings of guilt and low self-esteem. They may also worry about the future and feel insecure.

A broken family can also affect a child’s performance in school. The stress and emotional turmoil can make it hard for them to focus on their studies. They may lose interest in school and their grades may drop. In some cases, they might even stop going to school.

Social Relationships

Children from broken families may have problems in their social relationships. They may find it hard to trust others and form close relationships. They may feel different from their peers who come from intact families. This can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness.

Behavioral issues are another effect of a broken family. Children may act out their feelings of anger and sadness. They may become rebellious or start behaving in harmful ways. They may also develop problems like lying, stealing, or bullying.

Long-Term Effects

The effects of a broken family can also be seen in the long term. Children may carry the emotional scars into their adult life. They may have problems in their own relationships and may fear commitment. They may also struggle with issues like depression or anxiety.

In conclusion, a broken family can have many effects on children. It can affect their emotions, academic performance, social relationships, behavior, and even their future. It’s important for parents and other adults to provide support and help children cope with these challenges. This can help minimize the negative effects and ensure that children have a chance to grow up healthy and happy.

Remember, not all children in broken families will face these issues. Some may cope well and even thrive. It depends on many factors like the child’s personality, the support they get, and how the parents handle the situation.

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Experience / Growing Up

My Experience of Growing Up in a Broken Family

Essay details

Sociology , Life

Sociology of the Family , Experience

Family Relationships , Growing Up , Personal Experience

• Words: 1286 (3 pages)

Please note! This essay has been submitted by a student.

Works cited

• Growing Up in a Broken Family: What Helps or Hurts Children?" by Carl E. Pickhardt, Psychology Today (2013). Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201305/growing-in-broken-family-what-helps-or-hurts-children
• The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children" by Michele L. Brennan, Psy.D., Verywell Family (2021). Available at: https://www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170
• Childhood Trauma and Its Lifelong Health Effects More Prevalent Among Minorities" by Diane J. Schmidt, NCC, Medical News Today (2021). Available at: https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/childhood-trauma-and-its-lifelong-health-effects-more-prevalent-among-minorities
• Growing up with an Alcoholic Parent" by National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA) (2021). Available at: https://www.nacoa.org/growing-up-with-an-alcoholic-parent/
• The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Abuse on Emotional and Behavioral Health" by Daniel J. Sheridan, Verywell Mind (2020). Available at: https://www.verywellmind.com/long-term-effects-of-childhood-abuse-4162091
• Growing Up With a Narcissistic Parent: What It Does to a Child" by Karyl McBride, Ph.D., Psychology Today (2011). Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201105/growing-narcissistic-parent-what-it-does-child
• The Effects of Childhood Trauma on Brain Development" by Stephanie Watson, Healthline (2021). Available at: https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/effects-of-childhood-trauma-on-brain-development
• Children of Alcoholics: Important Facts" by National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) (2021). Available at: https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohol-health/overview-alcohol-consumption/children-alcoholics-important-facts
• The Effects of Childhood Trauma on the Family System" by Sandra Ceren, GoodTherapy (2021). Available at: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/effects-of-childhood-trauma-on-the-family-system-0602184
• Children of Divorce and Adjustment" by Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D. and Sandra Blakeslee, American Academy of Experts in Traumatic Stress (2003). Available at: https://www.aaets.org/article44.htm

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Home / Essay Samples / Life / Divorce / Broken Families: Research on the Effects of Divorce

Broken Families: Research on the Effects of Divorce

• Category: Life , Sociology
• Topic: Divorce , Divorce Rate , Single Parenting

Pages: 3 (1425 words)

• Downloads: -->

Works Cited

• Foreman, P. G. (2017). The Christian Recorder, Broken Families and Educated Nations in Julia C. Collins’s Civil War Novel The Curse of Caste. African American Review, 50(4), 1063–1074. https://doi.org/10.1353/afa.2017.0161

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