effective listening skills essay

Effective Listening Essay

Introduction, importance of listening, barriers to effective listening, strategies for effective listening, reference list.

Listening is an important element in the process of communication. Communication is basically about sending and receiving information. The most basic thing in communicating is ensuring the right message is received exactly as intended.

Both sender and receiver have to take proactive measures to ensure they send and receive the right messages. People use different media to communicate.

However, whether on the telephone or any other media, I am personally convinced that listening is necessary for any two people to understand each other.

This is a reflective paper in which I am going to share views on the importance of listening in communication, barriers to listening, and strategies of perfecting listening skills.

Many mistakes happen in individual’s lives just because they did not listen effectively. When it comes to business, getting exactly what the client, customer or supervisor is saying is very poignant. It is only through listening and getting the information right that one can respond appropriately.

Relationships are built on reciprocity in communication. A true interpersonal relationship is one in which people react and respond to each other appropriately.

Therefore, listening is important in personal communication, for success at work and in building interpersonal relationships (Battell, 2006, p. 2).

Language use could be very intriguing if one took the time to think about words and their usage. I realize that due to equivocal qualities of given words; one can say one thing and mean completely a different thing.

Unless the context of words is well understood, words can seriously affect communication. Apart from equivocal words, there are words with similar sounds, e.g., cap and cab. I had a cousin who had many fights with his dad due to mishearing the words used.

Uncle would send him for the gardener, and my cousin would come back with a kitten. The issue was not with his ears; my cousin was just hyperactive and never listened enough.

Due to not listening keenly, he would often respond wrongly, and people around him interpreted it for mischief. However, he was a simple obedient boy who just had too many things going at every one given time.

Good interpersonal relationships are built on effective listening to each other. Sometimes, a relationship can go on for years simply because one of the parties is a good listener. The moment he or she also chooses to give up on listening, such relationships end.

I once had a very close friend. We did many things together and enjoyed each other’s company. We never argued much, but on the few occasions we would disagree, she would say to me “the only problem is that you never listen.”

To this, I would retort with more angry words to the effect that I listen but cannot entertain crap in the name of listening. This friendship died years back but going through literature on listening; I have learned a lot that would have made my time with the friend even more awesome.

I realize that most arguments between us resulted from lack of effective listening on my part. My friend was somehow submissive, and I now notice that the relationship worked only as long as she was submissive and took in all my crap.

I never listened to her seriously because whenever she would raise a concern, I always had a hand-offish response ready. Therefore, we were in a friendship but, in essence, I did not relate to her. I simply never gave a chance to her perspective.

I was always the one with plans, and she only followed and supported me. This kind of arrangement fed my ego and made me feel like the controller of sorts.

Having learned from the described cases, I realize how critical listening is in families, marriages and at the workplace. Listening to each other at the workplace is crucial for several reasons. The people we meet at the workplace come from very different backgrounds.

Their way of self-expression or generally how they speak may be somehow different from what we are used to. Organizations are about customer delight to make profits.

Customer delight is built on internal synergy in the organization. Internal synergy is only achieved through good communication among employees. Successful companies know how to rally their employees into powerful teams that deliver on organizational objectives.

At the heart of any effort at rallying people is persuasion. Persuasion requires recognition of specific needs that information should address. For managers to understand employees under them, they have to learn to listen (Adair, 2009, p. 158).

Some employees may be good at technical work but very poor when it comes to self-expression; only patient listening can help such employees to tell exactly what they want or need.

Through active listening to employees, managers can create programs that optimize the usage of human resource in the organization.

Apart from internal synergy, successful organizations are those that manage to form lasting relations with customers, suppliers and other partners (Adair, 2009, p. 211). Once again, to connect with a customer, one has to identify the real need of the customer.

I once witnessed a very amusing case in a certain customer care center. I entered the care center, and one customer care agent was in a heated engagement with an enraged customer. Realizing, he was not going to find the help he needed; the customer made to leave.

But then some other customer agent motioned to the customer to go to his desk. After a few minutes, I overheard the customer saying “that is all that I wanted,” and he was smiling. I also smiled knowing too well what had happened.

In my opinion, the first customer care agent did not listen to the customer and did not identify where the problem was. If the customer had gone with the unresolved problem, most likely he would have switched product providers or badmouthed the company.

There are two major categories of barriers to effective listening, i.e., an individual’s disposition and distractions in the external environment (Brown, 2010). While writing about effective listening, I thought seriously about my interaction with friends.

I notice that some of my friends are better listeners than others. I also notice that in some instances I have been a better listener than others. Thinking about it all, I tend to think that personal insecurities are the biggest inhibitor to effective listening.

In most cases, we argue with our friends because we want to prove that our point of view is right (Brown, 2010). On their part, they also argue vehemently, because they want to prove that their point of view is right.

On close inspection, it is clear that arguments are often not about the rightness of view per se but something to do with me as a person is right.

Given an individual’s we are often too keen on being right, we focus on what we are saying to others and forget completely about what others are saying to us.

It is very interesting to be a bystander in a heated debate. In often cases, the heat is not about the rightness of views or ideas but the people themselves; they desire to appear superior or more right in themselves.

The second barrier to effective listening is distractions. In the world of today, people want to do a hundred things at the same time.

They are sharing serious issues with a friend while at the same time they are fully concentrated on a computer game or busy chatting on facebook or some other social network. Multitasking is a good skill, but it has to be managed properly.

The environment matters a lot when it comes to listening. If two people have to talk seriously, a noisy environment will bar proper communication.

There are two major barriers to effective listening i.e. a person’s disposition and distractions in the external environment; therefore, strategies employed for effective listening have to address both.

Secondly, although it is often assumed that only the receiver should listen, effective listening should be mutual between sender and receiver.

People’s attitude or disposition matters a lot when it comes to how they interact with others (Battell, 2006, p. 3). As indicated, personal insecurities and desire to win arguments often make individuals focus on what they are saying and forget what the other party is saying.

In actual sense, even before someone completes explaining what he or she is saying, the other will already be busy formulating his or her next line of attack. In arguments with friends, I have often found myself very frustrated.

And in some other cases, after a real heated argument, I find myself laughing when it is all over. Post-argument analysis often reveals that each of us had his or her position. We both tried to help each other see a point and how right it is.

Along the way, there was excruciating evidence showing that either all positions are right or one is more right than the other, but we all hold our ground because of deep-seated desire to be the right one; to win.

From the communication literature, I have read, it is clear that interpersonal interactions should not be about winning and losing. Rather, they are opportunities for mutual improvement through learning from one another.

Even in situations when one is outrightly wrong, and the other is outrightly right, the one with the right perspective should be able to learn from the wrongness of the other (Cohen, 2002, p. 96).

Communication should be about persuading others while at the same time giving them a chance to persuade you. Therefore, the right disposition should be assertiveness and humility as opposed to aggressiveness or boisterousness.

This approach to communication is well illustrated in the process of bargaining in business. There are people who approach negotiating or bargaining in business as aggressors while others approach the process as consensus seekers (Cohen, 2002, p. 84).

The two approaches merit in given situations. However, cohesive seeking negotiations or bargaining helps build more long term relationships.

A cohesive approach means that both parties state their terms and they amicably, on a win-win basis, seek the position that is mutually satisfying. Whenever any party adopts a defensive position, the chances of listening to each other become compromised.

Effective listening requires that the parties be interested in what the other is saying. When something is interesting, e.g., when an interesting soap opera is on air, we normally switch off everything else to concentrate.

Therefore, if we are truly interested in what others have to say to us, we have to switch off everything else and focus. By doing this, we are more likely to hear exactly what they have to say to us and even note how they say it. Concentration is a very important element in listening.

The purpose of listening is to get what the other means; as he or she says it. This can only be achieved through proper preparation to concentrate and listen.

Preparation to listen to starts with choosing the right place and time. This means that for every kind of communication, parties have to know the right where and when.

Choosing to tell someone something very important in a crowded place and expecting the other person to listen is counter-productive. The place has to warranty the possibility of capturing the full attention of the receiver.

The listener has also to know where there are too many distractions and either move away or choose another time when he or she can listen without interference.

When in an interaction, good listening requires that we digest the information from others. Digesting or evaluating takes time; thus one needs to refrain from quick responses or gut reactions to whatsoever others say (Wilson, 1998, p. 17).

However, as we listen and digest, it is advised that we show how alert we are; none verbally. One classic way that people use to show that they are listening is to nod their head or maintain eye contact.

The easiest way to know someone is not listening is by noting nonverbal clues, e.g., playing with things, shifting in the chair uncomfortably or not maintaining eye contact (Wilson, 1998, p. 17).

Secondly, a speaker can know when one is not listening from how fast he or she interjects or cuts others off. Interrupting what others are saying is a sure way of telling them that what they are saying is not of interest.

If it is very necessary that one has to interject, he or she has to explain why he or she is interrupting. Listening requires that once in a while we interrupt the speaker for clarification, to note something, to offer some additional information or to beg for more details (Wilson, 1998, p. 32).

One way of interjecting politely is by first illustrating that what the speaker has just said is clear. Therefore, paraphrasing helps the other to know that you are keenly following everything.

A polite question is also an acceptable way of interrupting a speaker. Great conservationists are good at asking questions. I tried this trick on my friends, and it works just fine.

When I do not have much to say to friends, I realized, the best way to having a great conversation is by asking them about issues that are of real interest.

In interpersonal interactions, individuals are always eager to get their views and arguments out; they seek to be understood. What many of us do not realize is that others can only understand us if we are also keen on understanding them.

To understand others, i.e., what they mean to say, we have to listen to them. Listening is an art that is developed with practice. The first step to listening is appreciating that what others are saying to us is of value.

Showing interest or being interested and encouraging others to say what they want to say is critical to understanding them.

From my observations, I realize that when we show interest and understanding to others, they are more likely to reciprocate by also showing interest or trying to understand what we say to them. Therefore, in whatsoever context, listening is pivotal for any meaningful interpersonal interaction.

Adair, J. (2009). Effective Communication: The Most Important Management Skill of All Sydney: Pan Macmillan.

Battell, C. (2006). Effective Listening . Chicago: ASTD Press.

Brown, J. (2010). Ten Obstacles to Empathic Communication . Center for Non-Violent Communication. Web.

Cohen, S. (2002). Negotiating Skills for Managers. New York: McGraw-Hill Professional.

Wilson, D. (1998). Listening Skills. Illinois: Mark Twain Media Publishing Inc.

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Essay on Listening Skills

Students are often asked to write an essay on Listening Skills in their schools and colleges. And if you’re also looking for the same, we have created 100-word, 250-word, and 500-word essays on the topic.

Let’s take a look…

100 Words Essay on Listening Skills

Importance of listening skills.

Listening skills are vital in all aspects of life. They help us understand others, learn new things, and build strong relationships.

Types of Listening

There are different types of listening: active, passive, and empathetic. Each type is useful in different situations.

Improving Listening Skills

To improve your listening skills, pay attention, avoid distractions, and show empathy. Practice also plays a key role in enhancing these skills.

Benefits of Good Listening

Good listeners are successful in personal and professional life. They can solve problems, make better decisions, and foster positive connections.

250 Words Essay on Listening Skills

Introduction.

Listening skills are an integral part of effective communication that often goes unappreciated despite their significant role in our personal and professional lives. They involve not just hearing the words spoken, but also comprehending and interpreting them to understand the underlying message.

The Importance of Listening Skills

In an academic setting, students with good listening skills tend to excel as they can understand and retain information more effectively. In professional environments, these skills help in building strong relationships, solving problems, and making informed decisions. They are crucial in team collaboration, as they foster understanding and mutual respect among team members.

Improving listening skills requires conscious effort. It begins with giving undivided attention to the speaker, avoiding distractions, and being genuinely interested in the conversation. It also involves practicing patience, not interrupting the speaker, and providing feedback to ensure understanding.

Active Listening

Active listening is a step further. It involves showing empathy, asking relevant questions, and paraphrasing to confirm comprehension. This not only enhances understanding but also makes the speaker feel valued and heard, strengthening the relationship.

In conclusion, listening skills are an essential part of effective communication. They play a crucial role in academic achievement, professional success, and personal relationships. By practicing active listening, we can enhance these skills and improve our interactions with others.

500 Words Essay on Listening Skills

Listening is an integral part of communication, a skill often overlooked in our fast-paced, technology-driven world. It is more than just hearing the words spoken by another person; it involves understanding and interpreting these words in a meaningful way.

Listening skills are crucial for effective communication and are a fundamental requirement in many professional environments. They can enhance our relationships, improve our understanding of the world, and foster effective problem-solving and decision-making. By actively listening, we can better comprehend others’ perspectives, ideas, and emotions, leading to more empathetic, meaningful interactions.

The Art of Active Listening

Active listening is a more involved form of listening where the listener not only hears the words but also understands and interprets them. It involves giving feedback, such as nodding or paraphrasing, to show understanding. This kind of listening also requires one to avoid distractions, maintain eye contact, and show empathy towards the speaker. Active listening can lead to better understanding, improved relationships, and more effective communication.

Barriers to Effective Listening

Several barriers can hinder effective listening. These include physical distractions, such as noise or discomfort, and psychological distractions, like preconceived notions or emotional bias. Additionally, cultural differences can also pose a challenge, as they can lead to misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the speaker’s words. Overcoming these barriers requires conscious effort and practice.

Improving listening skills is a continuous process that involves practicing active listening, being aware of and overcoming barriers, and developing empathy. Here are a few strategies:

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness helps us focus on the present moment, making it easier to concentrate on the speaker’s words without being distracted. 2. Provide feedback: Giving feedback, such as nodding or paraphrasing, can show the speaker that you are actively engaged in the conversation. 3. Ask questions: Asking questions not only shows your interest but also helps to clarify any misunderstandings. 4. Respect cultural differences: Understanding and respecting cultural differences can help avoid misinterpretation and foster better communication.

In conclusion, listening skills are a vital part of effective communication. They require active engagement, understanding, and empathy. By practicing active listening and overcoming the barriers to effective listening, we can improve our communication skills, enhance our relationships, and better understand the world around us. Indeed, the art of listening is a skill that, when mastered, can open a world of possibilities and deeper connections.

That’s it! I hope the essay helped you.

If you’re looking for more, here are essays on other interesting topics:

• Essay on Interview Skills
• Essay on Interpersonal Skills
• Essay on Importance of Soft Skills

Apart from these, you can look at all the essays by clicking here .

Happy studying!

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What Great Listeners Actually Do

• Jack Zenger
• Joseph Folkman

It’s about more than keeping quiet.

What makes a good listener? Most people think is comes down to three components: not interrupting the speaker, following along with facial expressions, and being able to repeat back almost verbatim what the speaker has just said. According to research from Zenger and Folkman, however, we’re doing it all wrong. Instead of thinking of a good listener as a sponge —absorbing everything but providing little feedback — a skilled listener should be thought of as a trampoline who amplifies and supports a speaker’s thoughts by providing constructive feedback. Engaging in a two-way conversation is essential, according to data, and Zenger and Folkman define six levels of listening, all meant to help listeners develop this skill.

Chances are you think you’re a good listener.  People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills , in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average.

• Jack Zenger is the CEO of Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy. He is a coauthor of the October 2011 HBR article “ Making Yourself Indispensable ” and the book  The New Extraordinary Leader: Turning Good Managers into Great Leaders   (McGraw Hill, 2019). Connect with Jack on LinkedIn .
• Joseph Folkman is the president of   Zenger/Folkman, a leadership development consultancy. He is a coauthor of the October 2011 HBR article “ Making Yourself Indispensable ” and the book The Trifecta of Trust: The Proven Formula for Building and Restoring Trust   (River Grove, 2022). Connect with Joe on LinkedIn .  

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7 Active Listening Techniques For Better Communication

It's time to start having more intentional conversations

Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety." She has a Master's degree in psychology.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and international bestselling author. Her books, including "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," have been translated into more than 40 languages. Her TEDx talk,  "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong," is one of the most viewed talks of all time.

• How to Improve

Active listening is a communication skill that involves going beyond simply hearing the words that another person speaks. It's about actively processing and seeking to understand the meaning and intent behind them. It requires being a mindful and focused participant in the communication process.

Active listening techniques include:

• Being fully present in the conversation
• Showing interest by practicing good eye contact
• Noticing (and using) non-verbal cues
• Asking open-ended questions to encourage further responses
• Paraphrasing and reflecting back what has been said
• Listening to understand rather than to respond
• Withholding judgment and advice

Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD explains, "Active listening requires de-centering from one’s fixed position to be fully present with another. It helps people feel more understood and strengthens relationships as it signals a willingness to sit with the other’s perspective and empathy for their situation instead of singular focus on oneself."

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In communication, active listening is important because it keeps you engaged with your conversation partner in a positive way. It also makes the other person feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of a successful conversation in any setting—whether at work, at home, or in social situations.

Romanoff continues, "Ultimately, it shows respect and value for the other person’s needs, concerns, and ideas as the listener is actively signaling the other person matters to them."

When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying.

7 Active Listening Techniques

The word "active" implies that you are taking some type of action when listening to others. This involves the use of certain strategies or techniques. Here are seven active listening techniques to consider.

1. Be Fully Present

Active listening requires being fully present in the conversation. This enables you to concentrate on what is being said. Being present involves listening with all your senses (sight, sound, etc.) and giving your full attention to the speaker.

"Being fully present involves the skill of tuning into the other person’s inner world while stepping away from your own. This is a power skill in deeply connecting and sitting with another’s emotions," says Romanoff.

To use this active listening technique effectively, put away your cell phone, ignore distractions, avoid daydreaming, and shut down your internal dialogue. Place your focus on your conversation partner and let everything else slip away.

2. Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

As much as 65% of a person's communication is unspoken. Paying attention to these nonverbal cues can tell you a lot about the person and what they are trying to say. If they talk fast, for instance, this could be a sign that they are nervous or anxious. If they talk slowly, they may be tired or trying to carefully choose their words.

During active listening, your non-verbal behaviors are just as important. To show the person you're truly tuned in, use open, non-threatening body language. This involves not folding your arms, smiling while listening, leaning in, and nodding at key junctures.

It can also be helpful to pay attention to your facial expressions when active listening so that you don't convey any type of negative response.

3. Keep Good Eye Contact

When engaged in active listening, making eye contact is especially important. This tells the other person that you are present and listening to what they say. It also shows that you aren't distracted by anything else around you.

At the same time, you don't want to use so much eye contact that the conversation feels weird. To keep this from happening, follow the 50/70 rule. This involves maintaining eye contact for 50% to 70% of the time spent listening, holding the contact for four to five seconds before briefly looking away.

4. Ask Open-Ended Questions

Asking "yes or no" questions often produce dead-end answers. This isn't helpful during active listening as it keeps the conversation from flowing. It also makes it difficult to truly listen to the other person because there isn't much you can gain from a short, non-descriptive response.

Instead, ask open-ended questions to show that you are interested in the conversation and the other person. Examples of open-ended questions you may use when active listening include:

• Can you tell me a bit more about that?
• What did you think about that?
• What do you think is the best path moving forward?
• How do you think you could have responded differently?

The key to open-ended questions is to have a framework of curiosity about the other person. It signals genuine interest – making the other person feel valued and enables you to better understand them," adds Romanoff.

Open-ended questions encourage thoughtful, expansive responses, which is why they are often used by mental health therapists.

5. Reflect What You Hear

After the person has spoken, tell them what you heard. This active listening technique ensures that you've captured their thoughts, ideas, and/or emotions accurately. It also helps the other person feel validated and understood while keeping any potential miscommunications to a minimum.

One way to reflect what you've heard is to paraphrase. For example, you might say, "In other words, what you are saying is that you're frustrated" or "I'm hearing that you're frustrated about this situation." Summarize what you've heard and give the person the opportunity to say whether you've captured their meaning or intent.

If you'd like to better understand something the person has said, ask for clarification. But don't focus so much on insignificant details that you miss the big picture.

6, Be Patient

Patience is an important active listening technique because it allows the other person to speak without interruption. It also gives them the time to say what they are thinking without having to try to finish their sentences for them.

Being patient involves not trying to fill periods of silence with your own thoughts or stories. It also requires listening to understand, not to respond. That is, don't prepare a reply while the other person is still speaking. Also, don't change the subject too abruptly as this conveys boredom and impatience.

During active listening, you are there to act as a sounding board rather than to jump in with your own ideas and opinions about what is being said.

7, Withhold Judgment

Remaining neutral and non-judgmental in your responses enables the other person to feel comfortable with sharing their thoughts. It makes the conversation to a safe zone where they can trust that they won't be shamed, criticized, blamed, or otherwise negatively received.

Ways to be less judgmental when listening include:

• Expressing empathy for the person or their situation
• Learning more about different people and cultures
• Practicing acceptance of others
• Recognizing when you may be judging the other person, then stopping those thoughts

Active Listening Example

What does active listening look like? Here is an example of a conversation in which several different active listening techniques are used.

Lisa : I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I had a fight with my sister, and we haven't spoken since. I'm upset and don't know who to talk to.

Jodie : No problem! Tell me more about what happened. (open-ended question)

Lisa : Well, we were arguing about what to do for our parents' anniversary. I'm still so angry.

Jodie : Oh that's tough. You sound upset that you're not speaking because of it. (reflecting what was heard)

Lisa : Yes, she just makes me so angry. She assumed I would help her plan this elaborate party—I don't have time! It's like she couldn't see things from my perspective at all.

Jodie : Wow, that's too bad. How did that make you feel? (another open-ended question)

Lisa: Frustrated. Angry. Maybe a bit guilty that she had all these plans, and I was the one holding them back. Finally, I told her to do it without me. But that's not right, either.

Jodie : Sounds complicated. I bet you need some time to sort out how you feel about it. (withholding judgment)

Lisa : Yes, I guess I do. Thanks for listening—I just needed to vent.

Why Active Listening Is Important

Getting into the habit of active listening can have positive impacts in many key areas of your life. It can affect your relationships, your work, and your social interactions.

In Relationships

Active listening helps you better understand another person's point of view and respond with empathy. This is important in all types of healthy relationships , whether with a spouse, parent, child, another family member, or friend.

Being an active listener in your relationships involves recognizing that the conversation is more about the other person than about you. This is especially important when the other person is emotionally distressed.

Your ability to listen actively to a family member or friend who is going through a difficult time is a valuable communication skill. It helps keep you from offering opinions and solutions when the other person really just wants to be heard.

Active listening at work is particularly important if you are in a supervisory position or interact frequently with colleagues. It helps you understand problems and collaborate to develop solutions . It also showcases your patience, a valuable asset in the workplace.

In some cases, active listening while on the job can help improve workplace safety. For instance, if you are in the healthcare field, engaging in active listening can help reduce medical errors and prevent unintentional patient harm.

During Social Situations

Active listening techniques such as reflecting, asking open-ended questions, seeking clarification, and watching body language help you develop relationships when meeting new people . People who are active and empathic listeners are good at initiating and maintaining conversations.

Active listening helps others feel more emotionally supported. This can be beneficial when interacting with a person who has social anxiety . According to research, emotional support impacts the left dorsolateral prefrontal cortex of the brain, resulting in decreased feelings of distress for socially anxious individuals.

Press Play for Advice on Active Listening

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares the value of listening to others, featuring psychiatrist Mark Goulston.

Follow Now :  Apple Podcasts  /  Spotify  /  Google Podcasts  

Ways to Improve Active Listening

We've all been in situations where our "listeners" were distracted or disinterested. Or maybe you want to improve your own active listening skills so you don't do this to others.

Here are a few ways to be a better active listener yourself, or to encourage others to do the same:

• Encourage your own curiosity . The more curious you are about something, the easier it becomes to want to know more. This naturally causes you to ask more questions and to seek to understand, which are two of the core foundations of active listening in communication.
• Find a topic that interests you both . This works particularly well when engaging in small talk as you get to know one another. If you both have passion for the topic, it becomes easier to stay fully engaged in the conversation.
• Practice your active listening skills . Like with any skill, being good at active listening takes some practice. Be patient with yourself as you go through the learning process . Continuing to practice these skills may just inspire the person you're conversing with to do the same. By seeing you demonstrate active listening, they might become a better listener too.
• Understand when exiting the conversation is best . If you're talking with another person and they are clearly uninterested in the conversation, it may be best to end that conversation respectfully. This can help keep you from feeling annoyed and unheard.

If you find that you are having trouble with listening, you might benefit from professional treatment. Other options include engaging in social skills training or reading self-help books on interpersonal skills.

Keep in Mind

Active listening is an important social skill that has value in many different settings. Practice its many techniques often and it will become second nature. You'll start to ask open-ended questions and reflect what you've heard in your conversations without much (if any) thought.

"Ultimately, active listening helps the speaker feel more understood and heard—and helps the listener have more information and understanding. On both ends of active listening—people feel more connected and collaborative which is why it is such a vital tool when it comes to communication," says Romanoff.

If you find active listening techniques difficult, consider what might be getting in your way. Are you experiencing social anxiety during conversations or do you struggle with attention ? Getting help for these types of issues can help you improve your active listening skills, making you a better listener overall.

Frequently Asked Questions

Active listening helps you build trust and understand other people's situations and feelings. In turn, this empowers you to offer support and empathy. Unlike critical listening, active listening seeks to understand rather than reply. The goal is for the other person to be heard, validated, and inspired to solve their problems.

The three A's of active listening are attention, attitude, and adjustment. Attention entails being fully tuned in to the speaker's words and gestures. The proper attitude is one of positivity and open-mindedness. Adjustment is the ability to change your gestures, body language, and reactions as the speaker's story unfolds.

Reflection is the active listening technique that demonstrates that you understand and empathize with the person's feelings. In mirroring and summarizing what they've said, they feel heard and understood.

There are numerous ways to improve your active listening skills. One is to watch skilled interviewers on talk and news shows. Another is to research active listening techniques online and try them often in your everyday conversations, noting the speakers' reactions and looking for areas that need improvement.

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Jahromi VK, Tabatabaee SS, Abdar ZE, Rajabi M. Active listening: The key of successful communication in hospital managers . Electron Physician . 2016;8(3):2123-2128. doi:10.19082/2123

Jones SM, Bodie GD, Hughes S. The impact of mindfulness on empathy, active listening, and perceived provisions of emotional support . Communic Res . 2016;46(6):838-865. doi:10.1177/0093650215626983

Nishiyama Y, Okamoto Y, Kunisato Y, et al. fMRI study of social anxiety during social ostracism with and without emotional support . PLoS One . 2015;10(5):e0127426. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0127426

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By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of "Therapy in Focus: What to Expect from CBT for Social Anxiety Disorder" and "7 Weeks to Reduce Anxiety." She has a Master's degree in psychology.

Husband and Wife (detail, 1945) by Milton Avery. Gift of Mr and Mrs Roy R Neuberger. Photo by Allen Phillips/ Wadsworth Atheneum

The art of listening

To listen well is not only a kindness to others but also, as the psychologist carl rogers made clear, a gift to ourselves.

by M M Owen   + BIO

Writing in Esquire magazine in 1935, Ernest Hemingway offered this advice to young writers: ‘When people talk, listen completely… Most people never listen.’ Even though Hemingway was one of my teenage heroes, the realisation crept up on me, somewhere around the age of 25: I am most people. I never listen.

Perhaps never was a little strong – but certainly my listening often occurred through a fog of distraction and self-regard. On my worst days, this could make me a shallow, solipsistic presence. Haltingly, I began to try to reach inside my own mental machinery, marshal my attention differently, listen better. I wasn’t sure what I was doing; but I had crossed paths with a few people who, as a habit, gave others their full attention – and it was powerful. It felt rare, it felt real; I wanted them around.

As a culture, we treat listening as an automatic process about which there is not a lot to say: in the same category as digestion, or blinking. When the concept of listening is addressed at any length, it is in the context of professional communication; something to be honed by leaders and mentors, but a specialisation that everyone else can happily ignore. This neglect is a shame. Listening well, it took me too long to discover, is a sort of magic trick: both parties soften, blossom, they are less alone.

Along the way, I discovered that Carl Rogers, one of the 20th century’s most eminent psychologists, had put a name to this underrated skill: ‘active listening’. And though Rogers’s work was focused initially on the therapeutic setting, he drew no distinction between this and everyday life: ‘Whatever I have learned,’ he wrote, ‘is applicable to all of my human relationships.’ What Rogers learnt was that listening well – which necessarily involves conversing well and questioning well – is one of the most accessible and most powerful forms of connection we have.

T he paucity of my listening powers dawned on me as a byproduct of starting to meditate. This is not to make some claim to faux enlightenment – simply to say that meditation is the practice of noticing what you notice, and meditators tend to carry this mindset beyond the yoga mat, and begin to see their own mind more clearly. Among a smorgasbord of other patterns and quirks, what I saw was a self that, too often, didn’t listen.

The younger me enjoyed conversation. But a low, steady egoism meant that what I really enjoyed was talking. When it was someone else’s turn to talk, the listening could often feel like a chore. I might be passively absorbing whatever was being said – but a greater part of me would be daydreaming, reminiscing, making plans. I had a habit of interrupting, in the rather masculine belief that, whatever others had to say, I could say better for them. Sometimes, I would zone out and tune back in to realise that I’d been asked a question. I had a horrible habit, I saw, of sitting in silent linguistic craftsmanship, shaping my answer for when my turn came around – and only half-listening to what I’d actually be responding to.

The exceptions to this state of affairs, I began to see, were situations where there existed self-interest. If the subject was me, or material that might be of benefit to me, my attention would automatically sharpen. It was very easy to listen to someone explaining what steps I needed to take to ace a test or make some money. It was easy to listen to juicy gossip, particularly of the kind that made me feel fortunate or superior. It was easy to listen to debates on topics where I had a burning desire to be right. It was easy to listen to attractive women.

Bad listening signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them

On bad days, this attentional autopilot constricted me. On topics of politics or philosophy, this made me a bore and a bully. People avoided disagreeing with me on anything, even trivial points, because they knew it would balloon into annoyance and a failure to listen to their reasoning. In my personal life, too often, I could forget to support or lift up those around me. The flipside of not listening is not questioning – because, when you don’t want to listen, the last thing you want to do is trigger the exact scenario in which you are most expected to listen. And so I didn’t ask my friends serious questions often enough. I liked jokes, and I liked gossip; but I’d forget to ask them the real stuff. Or I’d ask them things they’d already told me a week ago. Or forget to ask about their recent job interview or break-up.

This is where bad listening does the most damage: it signals to the people around you that you don’t care about them, or you do but only in a skittish, flickering sort of a way. And so people become wary of opening up, or asking for advice, or leaning on you in the way that we lean on those people we truly believe to be big of heart.

All of the above makes for rather a glum picture, I know. I don’t want to overstate things. I wasn’t a monster. I cared for people and, when I concentrated, I could show it. I was liked, I made my way in the world, I apparently possessed what we call charisma. Plenty of the time, I listened fine. But this may be precisely the point: you can coast along in life as a bad listener. We tend to forgive it, because it’s common.

Kate Murphy, in her book You’re Not Listening (2020), frames modern life as particularly antagonistic to good listening:

[W]e are encouraged to listen to our hearts, listen to our inner voices, and listen to our guts, but rarely are we encouraged to listen carefully and with intent to other people.

Why do we accept bad listening? Because, I think, listening well is hard, and we all know it. Like all forms of self-improvement, breaking this carapace requires intention, and ideally guidance.

W hen I discovered Rogers’s writings on listening, it was confirmation that, in many conversations, I had been getting it all wrong. When listening well, wrote Rogers and his co-author Richard Evans Farson in 1957, the listener ‘does not passively absorb the words which are spoken to him. He actively tries to grasp the facts and the feelings in what he hears, and he tries, by his listening, to help the speaker work out his own problems.’ This was exactly the stance I had only rarely adopted.

Born in 1902 – in the same suburb of Chicago as Hemingway, three years earlier – Rogers had a strict religious upbringing. As a young man, he seemed destined for the ministry. But in 1926, he crossed the road from Union Theological Seminary to Columbia University, and committed himself to psychology. (At this time, psychology was a field so new and so in vogue that, in 1919, during negotiations for the Treaty of Versailles, Sigmund Freud had secretly advised Woodrow Wilson’s ambassador in Paris.)

Rogers’s early work was focused on what were then called ‘delinquent’ children; but, by the 1940s, he was developing a new approach to psychotherapy, which came to be termed ‘humanistic’ and ‘person-centred’. Unlike Freud, Rogers believed that all of us possess ‘strongly positive directional tendencies’. Unhappy people, he believed, were not broken; they were blocked. And as opposed to the then-dominant modes of psychotherapy – psychoanalysis and behaviourism – Rogers believed that a therapist should be less a problem-solver, and more a sort of skilled midwife, drawing out solutions that already existed in the client. All people possess a deep urge to ‘self-actualise’, he believed, and it is the therapist’s job to nurture this urge. They were there to ‘release and strengthen the individual, rather than to intervene in his life’. Key to achieving this goal was careful, focused, ‘active’ listening.

That this perspective doesn’t seem particularly radical today is a testament to Rogers’s legacy. As one of his biographers, David Cohen, writes , Rogers’s therapeutic philosophy ‘has become part of the fabric of therapy’. Today, in the West, many of us believe that going to therapy can be an empowering and positive move, rather than an indicator of crisis or sickness. This shift owes a great deal to Rogers. So too does the expectation that a therapist will allow themselves to enter into our thinking, and express a careful but tangible empathy. Where Freud focused on the mind in isolation, Rogers valued more of a merging of minds – boundaried, but intimate.

On bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle

Active listening, for Rogers, was essential to creating the conditions for growth. It was one of the key ingredients in making another person feel less alone, less stuck, and more capable of self-insight.

Rogers held that the basic challenge of listening is this: consciousnesses are isolated from one another, and there are thickets of cognitive noise between them. Cutting through the noise requires effort. Listening well ‘requires that we get inside the speaker, that we grasp, from his point of view , just what it is he is communicating to us.’ This empathic leap is a real effort. It is much easier to judge another’s point of view, analyse it, categorise it. But to put it on, like a mental costume, is very hard. As a teenager, I was a passionate atheist and a passionate Leftist. I saw things as very simple: all believers are gullible, and all conservatives are psychopaths, or at minimum heartless. I could hold to my Manichean view precisely because I had made no effort to grasp anyone else’s viewpoint.

Another of my old mental blocks, also flagged by Rogers, is the instinct that anyone I’m talking to is likely dumber than me. This arrogance is terrible for any attempt at listening, as Rogers recognises: ‘Until we can demonstrate a spirit which genuinely respects the potential worth of an individual,’ he writes, we won’t be good listeners. Previously, on bad days, I would wait hawk-like for things I could correct or belittle. I would look for clues that this person was wrong, and could be made to feel wrong. But as Rogers writes, to listen well, we ‘must create a climate which is neither critical, evaluative, nor moralising’.

‘Our emotions are often our own worst enemies when we try to become listeners,’ he wrote. In short, a great deal of bad listening comes down to lack of self-control. Other people animate us, associations fly, we are pricked by ideas. (This is why we have built careful social systems around not discussing such things as religion or politics at dinner parties.) When I was 21, if someone suggested that some pop music was pretty good, or capitalism had some redeeming features, I was incapable of not reacting. This made it very hard for me to listen to anyone’s opinion but my own. Which is why, Rogers says, one of the first skills to learn is non-intervention. Patience. ‘To listen to oneself,’ he wrote, ‘is a prerequisite to listening to others.’ Here, the analogy with meditation is clear: don’t chase every thought, don’t react to every internal event, stay centred. Today, in conversation, I try to constantly remind myself: only react, only intervene, when invited or when it will obviously be welcome. This takes practice, possibly endless practice.

And when we do intervene, following Rogers, we must resist the ever-present urge to drag the focus of the conversation back to ourselves. Sociologists call this urge ‘the shift response’. When a friend tells me they’d love to visit Thailand, I must resist the selfish pull to leap in with Oh yeah, Thailand is great, I spent Christmas in Koh Lanta once, did I ever tell you about the Muay Thai class I did? Instead, I must stay with them: where exactly do they want to go, and why? Sociologists call this ‘the support response’. To listen well is to step back, keep the focus with someone else.

A nice example of Rogers’s approach, taken from his career, is his experience during the Second World War. Rogers was asked by the US Air Force to assess the psychological health of gunners, among whom morale appeared low. By being patient, and nonjudgmental, and gentle with his attention, Rogers discovered that the gunners had been bottling up one of their chief complaints: they resented civilians. Returning to his hometown and attending a football game, reported one pilot, ‘all that life and gaiety and luxury – it makes you so mad’. Rogers didn’t suggest any drastic intervention, or push any change in view. He recommended that the men be allowed to be honest about their anger, and process it openly, without shame. Their interlocutors, Rogers said, should begin by simply listening to them – for as long as it took, until they were unburdened. Only then should they respond.

Much like meditating, listening in this way takes work. It may take even more work outside the therapy room, in the absence of professional expectation. At all times, for almost all of us, our internal monologue is running, and it is desperate to spill from our brain onto our tongue. Stemming the flow requires intention. This is necessary because, even when we think an intervention is positive, it may be self-centred. We might not feel it, Rogers says, but, typically, when we offer our interpretation or input, ‘we are usually responding to our own needs to see the world in certain ways’. When I first began to observe myself as a listener, I saw how difficult I found it to simply let people finish their sentences. I noticed the infinite wave of impatience on which my attention rode. I noticed the slippery temptation of asking questions that were not really questions at all, but impositions of opinion disguised as questions. The better road, I began to see, was to stay silent. To wait.

The active listener’s job is to simply be there, to focus on ‘thinking with people instead of for or about them’. This thinking with requires listening for what Rogers calls ‘total meaning’. This means registering both the content of what they are saying, and (more subtly) the ‘ feeling or attitude underlying this content’. Often, the feeling is the real thing being expressed, and the content a sort of ventriloquist’s dummy. Capturing this feeling involves real concentration, especially as nonverbal cues – hesitation, mumbling, changes in posture – are crucial. Zone out, half-listen, and the ‘total meaning’ will entirely elude us.

Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists?

And though the bad listener loves to internally multitask while someone else is talking, faking it won’t work. As Rogers writes, people are alert to the mere ‘pretence of interest’, resenting it as ‘empty and sterile’. To sincerely listen means to marshal a mixture of agency, compassion, attention and commitment. This ‘demands practice’, Rogers said, and ‘may require changes in our own basic attitudes’.

Rogers’s theories were developed in a context where one person is attempting, explicitly, to help another person heal and grow. But Rogers was always explicit about the fact that his work was ‘about life’. Of his theories, he said that ‘the same lawfulness governs all human relationships’.

I think I started off from a lower point; by nature, I think my brain tends toward distraction and self-regard. But one would not need to be a bad listener to benefit from Rogers’s ideas. Even someone whose autopilot is an empathetic, interested listener can find much in his work. Rogers did more than anyone else to explore listening, systemise its dynamics, and record his professional explorations.

Certainly, being a good listener had an impact on Rogers’s own life. As another of his biographers, Howard Kirschenbaum, told me, Rogers discovered that ‘listening empathically to others was enormously healing and freeing, in both therapy and other relationships’. At his 80th birthday party, a cabaret was staged in which two Carl Rogers impersonators listened to one another in poses of exaggerated empathy. The well-meaning gag was a compliment; in a somewhat rare case of intellectuals actually embodying the ideas they espouse, Rogers was remembered as an excellent listener by everyone who knew him. Despite the kind of foibles that can weigh down any life – a reliance on alcohol, a frustration with monogamy – Rogers appears to have been a decent man: warm, open, and never cruel.

That he was able to carry his theories into his life should give encouragement, even to those of us who aren’t world-famous psychologists. Everyone wants to be listened to. Why else the cliché that people fall in love with their therapists? Why else does all seduction start with riveted attention? Consider your own experience, and you will likely find a direct correlation between the people you feel love you, and the people who actually listen to the things you say. The people who never ask us a thing are the people we drift away from. The people who listen so hard that they pull new things out of us – who hear things we didn’t even say – are the ones we grab on to for life.

P erhaps above all, Rogers understood the stakes involved in listening well. All of us, when we are our best selves, want to bring growth to the people we choose to give our time to. We want to help them unlock themselves, stand taller, think better. The dynamic may not be as direct as with a therapist; there is more of an equal footing – but when our relationships are healthy, we want those around us to thrive. Listening well, Rogers showed, is the simplest route there. Be with people in the right way, and they become ‘enriched in courage and self-confidence’. They feel the releasing glow of attention, and develop an ‘underlying confidence in themselves’. If we don’t want this for our friends, then we are not their friends.

Indeed, such is the generosity of active listening that one can view the practice as one that borders on the spiritual. Though Rogers traded theology for psychology in his early 20s, he always maintained an interest in spirituality. He enjoyed the work of Søren Kierkegaard , an existentialist Christian; and, over the years, he had public discussions with the theologians Paul Tillich and Martin Buber . In successful therapy sessions, said Rogers, both therapist and client can find themselves in ‘a trance-like feeling’ where ‘there is, to borrow Buber’s phrase, a real “I-Thou” relationship’. Of his relationship to his clients, Rogers said: ‘I would like to go with him on the fearful journey into himself.’

Perhaps this is a bit rich for you; perhaps you would rather frame active listening as simply good manners, or a neat interpersonal hack. The point is: really listening to others might be an act of irrational generosity. People will eat up your attention; it could be hours or years before they ever turn the same attention back on you. Sometimes, joyfully, your listening will yield something new, deliver them somewhere. Sometimes, the person will respond with generosity of their own, and the reciprocity will be powerful. But often, nothing. Only rarely will people notice, let alone thank you, for your efforts. Yet this generosity of attention is what people deserve.

And lest this all sound a bit pious – active listening is not pure altruism. Listening well, as Rogers said, is ‘a growth experience’. It allows us to get the best of others. The carousel of souls is endless. People have deeply felt and fascinating lives, and they can enfranchise us to worlds we would never otherwise know. If we truly listen, we expand our own intelligence, emotional range, and sense that the world remains open to discovery. Active listening is a kindness to others but, as Rogers was always quick to make clear, it is also a gift to ourselves.

Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel

Rogers became a hero of the 1960s counterculture . He admired their utopian dreams of psychic liberation and uninhibited communication; late in life, he was drawn to the New Age writings of Carlos Castañeda. All of this speaks to one of the key critiques of Rogers’s philosophy, both during his lifetime and today: that he was too optimistic. Rogers recognised himself that he was, in Cohen’s words, ‘incorrigibly positive’. His critics called him a sort of Pollyanna of the mind, and thought him naive for believing that such simple interventions as empathy and listening could trigger transformation in people. (Perhaps certain readers will harbour similar critiques about my own beliefs as expressed here.)

Those inclined to agree with this assessment of Rogers will probably think that I have overstated the case. Listening as love? Listening as spiritual practice? But in my own life, a renewed approach to listening has improved how I relate to others, and I now believe listening is absurdly under-discussed. Good listening is complex, subtle, slippery – but it is also right here, it lives in us, and we can work on it every day. Unlike the abstractions of so much of ethics and so much of philosophy, our listening is there to be honed, every day. Like a muscle, it can be trained. Like an intellect, it can be tested. In the very same moment, it can spur both our own growth and the growth of others. Brains learn from other brains, and listening well is the simplest way to draw a thread, open a channel. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I couldn’t write nonfiction that anyone else actually wanted to read until I began trying to truly listen.

‘The greatest compliment that was ever paid me,’ said Henry David Thoreau, ‘was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.’ Left on autopilot, I can still be a bad listener. I’ll interrupt, finish sentences, chivvy people along. I suspect many of the people I know still find me to be, on balance, an average listener. But I try! With anyone I can impact – and especially those whose souls I can help to light up – I follow Rogers; I offer as much ‘of safety, of warmth, of empathic understanding, as I can genuinely find in myself to give.’ And I open myself to whatever I can learn. I fail in my attentions, again and again. But I tune back in, again and again. I believe it is working.

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Home — Essay Samples — Education — Listening — The Art of Active Listening

The Art of Active Listening

• Categories: Listening Perception Skills

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Published: Jan 29, 2019

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• Comprehensive (Informational) Listening:- Students listen for the content of the message.
• Critical (Evaluative) Listening:- Students judge the message.
• Appreciative (Aesthetic) Listening:- Students listen for enjoyment.
• Therapeutic (Empathetic) Listening:-Students listen to support others but not judge them.

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• INTERPERSONAL SKILLS
• Communication Skills

Listening Skills

Search SkillsYouNeed:

The SkillsYouNeed Guide to Interpersonal Skills

Interpersonal Skills:

• A - Z List of Interpersonal Skills
• Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment
• What is Communication?
• Interpersonal Communication Skills
• Tips for Effective Interpersonal Communication
• Principles of Communication
• Barriers to Effective Communication
• Avoiding Common Communication Mistakes
• Social Skills
• Getting Social Online
• Giving and Receiving Feedback
• Improving Communication
• Interview Skills
• Telephone Interviews
• Interviewing Skills
• Business Language Skills
• The Ladder of Inference
• Top Tips for Effective Listening
• The 10 Principles of Listening
• Effective Listening Skills

Barriers to Effective Listening

• Types of Listening
• Active Listening
• Mindful Listening
• Empathic Listening
• Listening Misconceptions
• Non-Verbal Communication
• Personal Appearance
• Body Language
• Non-Verbal Communication: Face and Voice
• Verbal Communication
• Effective Speaking
• Conversational Skills
• How to Keep a Conversation Flowing
• Conversation Tips for Getting What You Want
• Giving a Speech
• Questioning Skills and Techniques
• Types of Question
• Clarification
• Emotional Intelligence
• Conflict Resolution and Mediation Skills
• Customer Service Skills
• Team-Working, Groups and Meetings
• Decision-Making and Problem-Solving
• Negotiation and Persuasion Skills
• Personal and Romantic Relationship Skills

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Listening is the ability to accurately receive and interpret messages in the communication process.

Listening is key to all effective communication. Without the ability to listen effectively, messages are easily misunderstood. As a result, communication breaks down and the sender of the message can easily become frustrated or irritated.

If there is one communication skill you should aim to master, then listening is it.

Listening is so important that many top employers provide listening skills training for their employees. This is not surprising when you consider that good listening skills can lead to better customer satisfaction, greater productivity with fewer mistakes, and increased sharing of information that in turn can lead to more creative and innovative work.

Many successful leaders and entrepreneurs credit their success to effective listening skills. Richard Branson frequently quotes listening as one of the main factors behind the success of Virgin.

Effective listening is a skill that underpins all positive human relationships.

Spend some time thinking about and developing your listening skills – they are the building blocks of success.

See our pages: Employability Skills and Customer Service Skills for more examples of the importance of listening in the workplace.

Good listening skills also have benefits in our personal lives, including:

A greater number of friends and social networks, improved self-esteem and confidence, higher grades at school and in academic work, and even better health and general well-being.

Studies have shown that, whereas speaking raises blood pressure, attentive listening can bring it down.

Listening is Not the Same as Hearing

Hearing refers to the sounds that enter your ears. It is a physical process that, provided you do not have any hearing problems, happens automatically.

Listening, however, requires more than that: it requires focus and concentrated effort, both mental and sometimes physical as well.  

Listening means paying attention not only to the story, but how it is told, the use of language and voice, and how the other person uses his or her body. In other words, it means being aware of both verbal and non-verbal messages. Your ability to listen effectively depends on the degree to which you perceive and understand these messages.

Listening is not a passive process. In fact, the listener can, and should, be at least as engaged in the process as the speaker. The phrase ‘ active listening ’ is used to describe this process of being fully involved.

See our pages: Active Listening and Types of Listening for more information.

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen.  Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention.

Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen

We Spend a lot of Time Listening

Adults spend an average of 70% of their time engaged in some sort of communication.

Of this, research shows that an average of 45% is spent listening compared to 30% speaking, 16% reading and 9% writing. (Adler, R. et al. 2001). That is, by any standards, a lot of time listening. It is worthwhile, therefore, taking a bit of extra time to ensure that you listen effectively.

Based on the research of: Adler, R., Rosenfeld, L. and Proctor, R. (2001) Interplay: the process of interpersonal communicating (8th edn), Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt .

The Purpose of Listening

There is no doubt that effective listening is an extremely important life skill. Why is listening so important?

Listening serves a number of possible purposes, and the purpose of listening will depend on the situation and the nature of the communication.

To specifically focus on the messages being communicated, avoiding distractions and preconceptions.

To gain a full and accurate understanding into the speakers point of view and ideas.

To critically assess what is being said. (See our page on Critical Thinking for more).

To observe the non-verbal signals accompanying what is being said to enhance understanding.

To show interest, concern and concentration.

To encourage the speaker to communicate fully, openly and honestly.

To develop an selflessness approach, putting the speaker first.

To arrive at a shared and agreed understanding and acceptance of both sides views.

Often our main concern while listening is to formulate ways to respond. This is not a function of listening. We should try to focus fully on what is being said and how it's being said in order to more fully understand the speaker.

Effective listening requires concentration and the use of your other senses - not just hearing the words spoken.

Listening is not the same as hearing and in order to listen effectively you need to use more than just your ears.

See our page: The Ten Principles of Listening .

Further Reading from Skills You Need

Our Communication Skills eBooks

Learn more about the key communication skills you need to be a more effective communicator.

Our eBooks are ideal for anyone who wants to learn about or develop their interpersonal skills and are full of easy-to-follow, practical information.

To improve the process of effective listening, it can be helpful to turn the problem on its head and look at barriers to effective listening, or ineffective listening.

For example, one common problem is that instead of listening closely to what someone is saying, we often get distracted after a sentence or two and instead start to think about what we are going to say in reply or think about unrelated things. This means that we do not fully listen to the rest of the speaker’s message.

This problem is attributed, in part, to the difference between average speech rate and average processing rate. Average speech rates are between 125 and 175 words a minute whereas we can process on average between 400 and 800 words a minute. It is a common habit for the listener to use the spare time while listening to daydream or think about other things, rather than focusing on what the speaker is saying.

Of course the clarity of what the speaker is saying can also affect how well we listen. Generally we find it easier to focus if the speaker is fluent in their speech, has a familiar accent, and speaks at an appropriate loudness for the situation. It is more difficult, for example, to focus on somebody who is speaking very fast and very quietly, especially if they are conveying complex information.

We may also get distracted by the speaker’s personal appearance or by what someone else is saying, which sounds more interesting.

These issues not only affect you, but you are likely to show your lack of attention in your body language.

Generally, we find it much harder to control our body language, and you are likely to show your distraction and/or lack of interest by lack of eye contact, or posture. The speaker will detect the problem, and probably stop talking at best. At worse, they may be very offended or upset.

Our page on Barriers to Effective Listening explains more about common listening problems, and our page Listening Misconceptions details some of the common myths and misconceptions about listening.

Finally, it is important not to jump to conclusions about what you see and hear. You should always seek clarification to ensure that your understanding is correct.

See our pages: Clarification and Reflection for more information.

How well do you listen? Take the: Interpersonal Skills Self-Assessment

More on listening, continue to: Mindful Listening | The 10 Principles of Listening Effective Listening Skills | Barriers to Effective Listening

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Essay: Active listening

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Active listening is a communication technique used in counselling, training and conflict resolution, which requires the listener to feed back what they hear to the speaker, by way of re-stating or paraphrasing what they have heard in their own words, to confirm what they have heard and moreover, to confirm the understanding of both parties. When interacting, people often “wait to speak” rather than listening attentively. They might also be distracted. Active listening is a structured way of listening and responding to others, focusing attention on the “function” of communicating objectively as opposed to focusing on “forms”, passive expression or subjectivity. There are many opinions on what “active listening” is. A search of the term reveals interpretations of the “activity” as including “interpreting body language” or focusing on something other than or in addition to words. Successful communication is the establishment of common ground between two people’understanding. Agreeing to disagree is common ground. Common ground can be false, i.e., a person says they feel a certain way but they do not. Nevertheless it is common ground, once accepted as understood. Dialogue, understanding and progress can only arise from that common ground. And that common ground cannot be established without respect for the words as spoken by the speaker, for whatever reason. Thus the essence of active listening is as simple as it is effective: paraphrasing the speakers words back to them as a question. There is little room for assumption or interpretation. It is functional, mechanical and leaves little doubt as to what is meant by what is said. “The process is successful if the person receiving the information gives feedback which shows understanding for meaning. Suspending one’s own frame of reference, suspending judgment and avoiding other internal mental activities are important to fully attend to the speaker. Comprehension is “shared meaning between parties in a communication transaction”. This is the first step in the listening process. The first challenge for the listener is accurately identifying speech sounds and understanding and synthesizing these sounds as words. We are constantly bombarded with auditory stimuli, so the listener has to select which of those stimuli are speech sounds and choose to pay attention to the appropriate sounds (attending). The second challenge is being able to discern breaks between discernible words, or speech segmentation. This becomes significantly more difficult with an unfamiliar language because the speech sounds blend together into a continuous jumble. Determining the context and meanings of each word is essential to comprehending a sentence. This is the second step in the listening process. Memory is essential to the listening process because the information we retain when involved in the listening process is how we create meaning from words. We depend on our memory to fill in the blanks when we’re listening. Because everyone has different memories, the speaker and the listener may attach different meanings to the same statement. However, our memories are fallible and we can’t remember everything that we’ve ever listened to. There are many reasons why we forget some information that we’ve received. The first is cramming. When you cram there is a lot of information entered into your short term memory. Shortly after cramming, when you don’t need the information anymore, it is purged from your brain before it can be transferred into your long term memory. The second reason is that you aren’t paying attention when you receive the information. Alternatively, when you receive the information you may not attach importance to it, so it loses its meaning. A fourth reason is at the time the information was received you lacked motivation to listen carefully to better remember it. Using information immediately after receiving it enhances information retention and lessens the forgetting curve (the rate at which we no longer retain information in our memory). Retention is lessened when we engage in mindless listening, where little effort is made to listen to a speaker’s message. Mindful listening is active listening. Listening is an interaction between speaker and listener. It adds action to a normally passive process. The speaker looks for verbal and nonverbal responses from the listener to if the message is being listened to. Usually the response is nonverbal because if the response is verbal the speaker/listener roles are reversed so the listener becomes the speaker and is no longer listening. Based on the response the speaker chooses to either adjust or continue with his/her communication style. Active listening involves the listener observing the speaker’s behavior and body language. Having the ability to interpret a person’s body language lets the listener develop a more accurate understanding of the speaker’s message. When the listener does not respond to the speaker’s nonverbal language, (s)he engages in a content-only response which ignores the emotions that guide the message. Having heard, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker’s words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker’simply stating what was said. In emotionally charged communications, the listener may listen for feelings. Thus, rather than merely repeating what the speaker has said, the active listener will describe the underlying emotion (“You seem to feel angry,” or “You seem to feel frustrated, is that because … ?”). Individuals in conflict often contradict each other. This has the effect of denying the validity of the other person’s position. Ambushing occurs when one listens to someone else’s argument for its weaknesses and ignore its strengths. The purpose is to attack the speaker’s position and support their own. This may include a distortion of the speaker’s argument to gain a competitive advantage. Either party may react defensively, and they may lash out or withdraw. On the other hand, if one finds that the other party understands, an atmosphere of cooperation can be created. This increases the possibility of collaborating and resolving the conflict. In the book Leader Effectiveness Training, Thomas Gordon, who coined the term “active listening,” states “Active listening is certainly not complex. Listeners need only restate, in their own language, their impression of the expression of the sender. … Still, learning to do Active Listening well is a rather difficult task …” Active listening is used in a wide variety of situations, including public interest advocacy, community organizing, tutoring, medical workers talking to patients,HIV counseling, helping suicidal persons, management,counseling and journalistic settings. In groups it may aid in reaching consensus. It may also be used in casual conversation or small talk to build understanding, though this can be interpreted as condescending. A listener can use several degrees of active listening, each resulting in a different quality of communication. The active listening chart below shows the three main degrees of listening: repeating, paraphrasing and reflecting. Listening barriers may be psychological (e.g. emotions) or physical (e.g. noise and visual distraction). Cultural differences including speakers’ accents, vocabulary, and misunderstandings due to cultural assumptions often obstruct the listening process. The first of these is the shift response which is the general tendency in a conversation to affix the attention to you. There is competition between individuals for attention and a focus on self by shifting the topic; it is a me-oriented technique. The listener shifts from a passive position, receiver, to an active role, sender. This is a type of conversational narcissism; the tendency of listeners to turn the topic of conversations to themselves without showing sustained interest in others listening. With conversational narcissism there is a tendency to overuse the shift response and under use the support response. A support response is the opposite of a shift response; it is an attention giving method and a cooperative effort to focus the conversational attention on the other person. Instead of being me-oriented like shift response, it is we-oriented. It is the response most likely to be used by a competent communicator To use the active listening technique to improve interpersonal communication, one puts personal emotions aside during the conversation, asks questions and paraphrases back to the speaker to clarify understanding, and one also tries to overcome all types of environment distractions. Judging or arguing prematurely is a result of holding onto a strict personal opinion. This hinders the ability to be able to listen closely to what is being said. Furthermore, the listener considers the speaker’s background, both cultural and personal, to benefit as much as possible from the communication process. Eye contact and appropriate body languages are seen as important components to active listening. Effective listening involves focusing on what the speaker is saying; at times the listener might come across certain key words which may help them understand the speaker. The stress and intonation may also keep them active and away from distractions. Taking notes on the message can aid in retention. There are several misconceptions about listening. The first of these is listening and hearing are the same thing. Hearing is the physiological process of registering sound waves as they hit the eardrum. We have no control over what we hear. The sounds we hear have no meaning until we give them their meaning in context. Listening on the other hand is an active process that constructs meaning from both verbal and nonverbal messages. Active Listening has been developed as a concept in music and technology by Fran??ois Pachet, researcher at Sony Computer Science Laboratory – Paris. Active listening in music refers to the idea that listeners can be given some degree of control on the music they listen to, by means of technological applications mainly based on artificial intelligence and information theory techniques, by opposition to traditional listening, in which the musical media is played passively by some neutral device

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