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Being a single mom is the hardest, most empowering thing I’ve ever done

It isn’t easy—but it does teach you how strong you are.

By Sydney Hutt Updated April 27, 2022

When I told my own mother that my husband and I were splitting up , the first thing she asked me was, “Are you sure?” She’d raised my three siblings and I almost single-handedly and insisted that it was “the hardest thing she’s ever done.”

However, I didn’t take her worries too seriously. At the time, I was so jazzed on the idea of independence, too busy scream-singing The Pussycat Dolls’ “I Don’t Need a Man” in the shower that I regarded my mom’s advice about being a single mom as a bridge for Future Sydney to cross.

Related: To the mama just starting the co-parenting journey: The handoffs were the hardest part for me

Well, that future came soon enough. Once I was on my own, I realized that even if I’d already felt like I was doing 90 percent of the parenting and cleaning and general household running many of us moms take upon ourselves, that 10 percent made a huge difference.

1. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be

My husband and I had a routine where he would do the kids’ bath and put them to bed so I could get a break after he got home from work. After he moved out, suddenly that was completely on me, no matter how burned-out I felt .

And not only was I doing all the work during the day, but then once they were asleep there was no one there to help me clean up the hurricane-house, or fold the endless baskets of laundry or to remember to turn the dishwasher on before bed. There was no one to get up with the kids in the middle of the night either, to help soothe their tears, or put them on the toilet , or give out Tylenol for sudden fevers or scrub puke out of the carpet. No one to pick up the prescriptions or forgotten groceries, to catch the things I’d dropped or missed. I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t overwhelmed at first.

2. It’s empowering

Last week, after I killed the second spider I’d found in my house in a matter of days, I sent my mom a triumphant text bragging about my courage. After all, I’d always been able to shriek and have a man rush to crush whatever creepy-crawly had sent me fleeing onto the furniture. In response, my mom texted me back: “Living alone is empowering because it’s not easy.”

And that’s the truth: Being forced to rely entirely on myself for the first time since I was 20 has caused me take on a level of responsibility that’s ultimately made me much, much happier (though also more wrinkly).

3. It’s lonely

One thing I really didn’t expect was the intense isolation that comes with being a single mom. When you’re married, you’re often so used to your partner’s constant presence that you can crave having the house to yourself—an evening alone seems like bliss from a distance.

But quickly I discovered that aaaall that quiet was a huge adjustment. After I put the kids down each night, I was forced to face the long, empty hours before bed that seemed impossible to fill without a companion. The silence was unnerving, and I fantasized about moving into my mom’s house where I could be sure of conversation. But I resisted, and recently, amazingly, I’ve noticed that for the first time ever I’m actually learning how to be alone—and loving it too! But, the odd time I do want to go out…

Related: Motherhood can be lonely, but I want my child to understand the importance of community

4. It’s really tough to get a night away

When I was still married, after my husband got home I’d often take off to the grocery store solo. I’d take my time and stroll down the aisles, pushing my cart like I was a celebrity and they’d closed the store just for me. Sometimes I’d stop by a friends’ house for wine and child-free conversation or go for a drive just to enjoy not reaching backwards groping blindly for a toy as nursery rhymes blare through the speakers. Now that I live alone, I’ve lost that free child-minding a marriage partner offers, and I spend more evenings on the couch yelling at MasterChef Canada than I’d like to admit.

5. The time off isn’t really “off”

Most Friday nights, my ex will swing by and pick up our kids so they can spend the weekend with him. He brings them back on Sundays, meaning I have about one full day without them. Initially, I had ALL the feelings about this arrangement. (What would I do with so much free time?!)

But it turns out, that day off is usually just me catching up on the things I didn’t get a chance to do during the week−a list that is now much longer than it used to be.

Related: What do moms do on their days off? Work

6. You compromise more

There is one fewer parent to go around now and my kids definitely feel it. They act out more than they used to and it seems they’re very aware of the fact that they outnumber me. I’m also unable now to give them each as much of that all-important individual time they enjoyed before my husband and I split. The guilt about this can weigh pretty heavy at times, but I’m learning to recognize that while I’m not giving my girls everything, I really am doing the best I can—and that has to be good enough.

Related: 10 ways to get past conflict with your co-parent

7. You compromise less

Marriage is all about compromise, whether it’s agreeing on paint colors, or household chores or how to spend your money. Since I’ve moved out on my own, I’ve discovered that there is absolute liberation in not having to consider anyone else’s opinion.

My bedroom is the girliest it’s been since I was a teenager, I have books stacked in every corner of my house and if I don’t want to wash the dishes at the end of the night I really don’t have to. My home is entirely mine and it’s a freedom I plan on savoring, along with sleeping smack-dab in the center of the bed and hogging every last pillow.

8. You begin extreme vetting of potential partners

With all this independence and empowerment, I’ve become very unwilling to give up or even share my new life with anyone. I’m being cautious. I’m wary of needing someone too much, of leaning on them instead of myself—it would probably be an easy habit to slide back into. And even now that I am seeing someone, I’ve set serious limits, most of which equal moving about as fast as frozen molasses in terms of how much time and space I’ll devote to our relationship.

I’m not looking for someone to take back that 10 percent and make my life easier—after all, it’s the tough stuff that reminds me what I’m made of.

A version of this story was published July 16, 2017. It has been updated

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What You Don't Know Until You're a Single Mom

No one's around to pat you on the back — or tell you what to do.

But my little family with my 8-year-old and 10-year-old daughters is my greatest source of joy. Sure, there's no partner on hand to tell me after a difficult day that I'm doing a good job — but there's no one around to tell me I should be doing it any different, either. Along the way, I've learned a few things.

1. You alone are responsible.

Every time you pass that stray sock on the stairs that fell out of the laundry basket, you inexplicably hope that someone will pick it up for you. It will live there until you do it.

2. You can't threaten your kids with "wait until your father gets home!"

You're judge, jury, executioner. And then you become comforter of the very child you just scolded. It's complicated.

3. Nobody's eating the leftovers.

Those Tupperware containers in the fridge are one of many reminders that the man of the house is gone. Your notion of how much food to make is all out of whack. Soon you will stop making meals that have leftovers . Because without a husband to please, chicken nuggets for the kids and wine and a salad for you is a damn fine meal.

4. You get to use all of the closets.

Spread your clothes out . Let them breathe. The shower, too. All of those hair products you wanted to try, then couldn't throw out even though you didn't like them? There's room for all of them in the shower, because it's all yours now.

5. You can bring the catalogs inside.

When the catalogs arrive, chock full of tech gadgets or sports gear that you can't afford, you no longer have to hide them from your spouse. You can even let the kids cut them up to make a collage, then give that to daddy for Father's Day. Easy peasy.

6. Some broken stuff will stay broken.

The leaky faucet can be fixed by placing a bucket in the sink, then using the caught water for plants. The broken garage door that is holding your car hostage requires a repairman . Choose your battles.

7. There won't be any unexpected charges on the credit card statement.

You know exactly what you bought , and owe, because you're the only one shopping. Unless you aren't, and there's fraud protection for that. But mostly, your budget is yours.

8. The dog poop out back is all yours, too.

Talk about fun!

9. Sick days are brutal.

Sick kids mean not getting anything done as you comfort and care of them, trying to create remedies from the stuff on hand so that you don't have to take a sick child to the store, all while trying not to come in direct contact with them, because then you will become the sick one, and there is no backup to cover for you when you are ill . You get up with a fever and get the kids off to school. Because that's what single moms do. This will feel like hell at the time, but will in fact be all the proof you ever needed that you are an epic badass.

10. Resign yourself to smaller celebrations.

Kids can't buy extravagant birthday or mother's day gifts for you. Because you're the one who does all the shopping. And how do you take them shopping and pay for a gift without seeing what it is? So gifts aren't bought. They're made. Which means more anyway.

11. Vacations can be a challenge.

Navigating airports, lengthy flights , car rentals , and long car rides as a solo parent will seem too daunting to even consider. Do it anyway, just to prove to yourself that you can. And to show your kids how amazing you really are. Years later they won't remember that you forgot to take the liquids bag out at security and held up the whole line of cranky travelers, but they will remember swimming with you in the hotel pool and being the center of your universe for that moment.

Cassandra Dunn is the author of novel The Art of Adapting (Touchstone/Simon & Schuster).

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The beauty of being a single mom people don't understand

The summer I was 31, I put my belongings in storage and went to Europe. I told everyone I was planning to finally finish my novel, but in reality, I was hoping to meet my future husband. I went on Tinder dates across Europe before I settled in Dublin, Ireland, for a few months. 

By the fall, I was back in the U.S. I didn’t have a husband, or a boyfriend. But I was pregnant, and committed to raising my child as a single mom . The details matter less and less with each passing year, and I try to keep them relatively opaque to preserve my daughter’s privacy. But her dad isn’t in the picture or on her birth certificate. Since the first day I saw the double pale pink line on the pregnancy test, it’s just been the two of us. And I am so grateful for that.

In my 20s, I worked at a women’s magazine, primarily focused on sex and relationship content. My circle of friends was predominantly women. I saw relationships as a means to an end. By the time I hit 30 and more of my friends were becoming partnered, I felt unmoored and panicky. I was done with my life as a single woman, but unsure what I wanted for the future. I would approach dates like job interviews, trying to cast the person in front of me for the role of husband. Did he have a stable job? Great. A good relationship with his family? Awesome. Did he want kids in the future? Then I would do whatever I could to ensure we would have a second date. I didn’t have time to talk about favorite books or musical tastes or what inspired him. If he sounded good on paper, then he was the right fit for me. To me, having a partner was essential to “ladder up” in the game of life. While I knew this wasn’t a healthy approach to relationships, I also didn’t really see an alternative. I wanted a family. And a husband was the way to get it.

But then, my unexpected pregnancy changed everything — starting with my outlook.

The more things I did by myself — even things that people around me said couldn’t be done, like taking care of a newborn alone — the more I realized I didn’t need a partner. In fact, I realized that in many ways, I didn’t want one.

I went to the hospital in labor on the subway, by myself. I came home three days later, cesarean-section-sore, by myself. For the first seven months of being a parent, my daughter came everywhere with me, simply because there was no one else to watch her. Were there sleepless nights? Of course. Hours of endless Googling the afternoon she rolled off the bed onto the carpeted floor? Without a doubt. But there was also a sense of calm growing inside me. The more things I did by myself — even things that people around me said couldn’t be done, like taking care of a newborn alone — the more I realized I didn’t need a partner. In fact, I realized that in many ways, I didn’t want one.

This became more apparent as I saw how easily resentments could grow in relationships . I saw partnered friends struggle with compromises and have disagreements about child-rearing. Everything from which foods to introduce to their infants to where to send their child to day care was a topic for discussion, and often disagreement. Not needing to compromise made me rely on my own intuition and become incredibly comfortable with my own internal voice and compass. 

I was also falling in love, and it looked nothing like what I had imagined. Instead of falling in love with a potential partner, I was experiencing love for the first time with my child. I was entranced by her opinions and her personality, the way she loved animals and sang off-key to the “Frozen” soundtrack and the millions of other things she did that were toddler-typical but also unique to her. She had mannerisms that I recognized from my own childhood pictures — a half smile, bright blue eyes — but was so very much herself. 

She was also completely dependent on me. Everything from the jobs I took to where I lived was decided within the lens of what was best for her. But rather than feel resentful, I felt empowered. I had the ability to put someone else above myself. 

Rather than feel resentful, I felt empowered. I had the ability to put someone else above myself.

In my 20s, I dated one man for six months, which is my longest romantic relationship to date. His biography — lawyer, smart, wanted kids in the future — checked all the right boxes. One night, he called me because he had sprained his wrist during a workout. “I don’t want to be by myself tonight. I think I need someone here,” he said. I remember bristling in annoyance. I had a huge work project due the next day. My plan had been to spend the weekend holed up in my apartment, alone, completing it. In fact, I had liked being by myself, without anyone interrupting me. I didn’t want to be with him, and I didn’t want anyone depending on me. But I felt the right thing to do was to put aside my own needs and go take care of him for the evening, even though I was resentful and angry.

We broke up not long after, but that experience worried me. Maybe, I thought, it was proof I wasn’t meant for relationships. His request had been so normal. Why had it made me so angry? It wasn’t until I was parenting Lucy did I realize what love without expectations felt like. I was learning to parent while learning to love, and it was a deep, intense, healing journey that would have been impossible if I had just fallen into a relationship because someone checked the right boxes.

I don’t want to say that being a solo parent is easy. It’s not. I’ve made a ton of compromises in my career to have the flexibility needed for taking care of a young child. The parent-child relationship when there’s only one parent and one child can be incredibly intense. I never want Lucy to feel responsible for my emotions, and I want her to realize that while this is a life that makes sense for me, it’s not one that makes sense for everyone. I would love her to be able to have that deep, all-consuming love with a partner that eluded me in my twenties. But I know now that it’s also fine if she doesn’t. 

Today, Lucy is 8. And I know a child is very different from having a partner. But as so many of my friends’ and acquaintances’ marriages crumbled due to COVID and other factors, I’m so thankful for the stability that I was able to give Lucy by recognizing that my potential as a parent was independent of my potential as a partner.  

In the past two years, I’ve also started going on dates. I’ve lost the need to couple up, which has meant I’m a lot more genuine on dates. I’ve lost the “pick me, pick me” mentality of my 20s and finally have the perspective I needed to determine: Do I like this person? I also have confidence in knowing what is right for me. I know that I will never settle into something that isn’t the right fit, and that’s something I want Lucy to learn, too. I want her to learn she has inner strength and resolve inside her. But most of all, I want her to know that sometimes, living life out of order can be magical, empowering and exactly the right path.

Do you have a personal essay to share with TODAY? Please send your ideas to  [email protected] .

Anna Davies is a writer, editor and content strategist living in Jersey City, New Jersey, with her daughter. She has written for The New York Times, New York, Glamour and others. She loves traveling and sharing the adventures she has with her daughter on Instagram @babybackpacker . 

I Was Raised By A Strong Single Mom, And This Is What I Learned

My mom was the kind of parent who literally kept everything.

Every footprint Christmas ornament, every handmade Mother’s Day card — everything . I didn’t realize this until I got married and inherited a ginormous chest full of those nostalgic little treasures. It weighed a ton, and was chock-full of memories from every phase of my life.

One such treasure I discovered was a picture drawn in 1990. I would’ve been six at the time. It was captioned “MK’s Future Family” at the top, followed by a drawing of a mother, 4 children, a dog, and two horses. Completely absent from the family setup? A dad.

Back then, the school counselors used to worry about my art work. They believed that, because I was a child of divorce , the lack of father figures in my art work was indicative of deeply-rooted relationship insecurity.

It’s kind of funny to me now, because the truth was quite the contrary . I didn’t draw a picture of a husband in my future for the same reason I didn’t add a whale or a cat. I just figured I wouldn’t need one .

I’m a mom now, and although I decided against whales and cats, I do have a husband who is very much the love of my life. But I also know that if I had to make our home without him, God forbid, I could. You see, I inherited far more from my strong, single mother than I could ever cram into that clunky ass trunk. And the life lessons she imparted in me are just as treasured.

Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it does matter.

They say the best things in life are free, but really, shelter and food are pretty awesome and those things cost money. Growing up in my household, things were pretty tight. Only money could have relieved the pressure my mother was shouldering at the time. There is no stress quite like financial insecurity. My strong, single mother taught me that while money doesn’t buy happiness, it does matter . And remembering that truth has compelled me to work my tail off and make certain I could provide for my kids independently if it ever became necessary.

Gender roles are a joke.

Believe me when I say, I am grateful for the man that is in my house. I get stumped by the occasional pickle jar, and he’s happy to step up and handle the more physically demanding tasks in our home. (Also, I love him. So there’s that.) But, my mother didn’t have the luxury of a live-in handy man. And yet, I still remember eating pickles. The grass got mowed, the oil in our minivan was changed, and more than once I remember seeing my mother with a hammer in one hand, a nail between her teeth, and determination painted on her face. My mother got shit done, and she managed to do it without a husband. She was a walking middle finger to societal gender roles, and her example is one I intend to follow.

Parenting requires sacrifice.

Parenting is hard as hell. My husband and I often feel we are near a breaking point, and that’s in a two-parent household. My mother managed that load by herself. The amount of self-sacrifice that it required for her to bring us up in a loving home, while simultaneously providing for our care still blows my mind. Single mothers are deserving of all the applause (and absolutely zero of the stigma) .

I can be enough.

I imagine my mother was pretty damn terrified when she realized the burden of raising three children fell squarely on her shoulders. But she rose to the occasion without hesitating. Watching my mother work full time, finish her degree, and put food on our table taught me that, if it ever became necessary, I could be enough for my children. It might be hard as hell, and I might sacrifice some years of my life, but I could do it. The truth is, our little family struggled a great deal, financially. But even in those hard times, we knew we had one another — and as we discovered, that was enough.

My mother taught me all of these things and more. Being raised by a strong mama made me who I am today, and I will forever be grateful.

This article was originally published on Feb. 18, 2018

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My Partner Isn’t Just “Out of Town”

How to understand single parents when you’re not one..

A couple of years ago at Christmastime, my now-5-year-old daughter started crying on the way home from school. “I only got to make ONE Christmas gift at school and I gave it to Daddy! Now I don’t have one for you!” My eyes teared up as well. I hated that my daughter felt different for being the child of divorce. She was the only child in her church-based preschool whose parents weren’t married. In the school directory we were the only set of parents with different last names. And, as I’ve become accustomed to, she was the only child who would need to make two gifts for her parents at Christmas.

I think of this situation often when I’m hanging out with a married mom and they describe their spouse’s temporary absence as leaving them a solo parent:

“Kevin worked so much when we were first married; I was basically a married single mom.”

“Well, Kristin’s out of town. I’m a married single mom this weekend!”

“Damien is so busy studying for his boards that I’m pretty much a married single mom!”

As a single mom who studies communication in families, these statements strike me as both oxymoronic and pretty insensitive. These moms don’t feel different because of their lack of a partner. Their kids don’t question why the families in the books they read don’t look like their family. These moms experience stress because the person they are used to having alongside them is temporarily out of commission.

I’ve been a single mom since my daughter was weeks old; single parenting is a lifestyle, not a situation to weather until my spouse comes home or passes the bar exam. Unless we marry someone who wants to co-parent (and the research shows that many do not ), single moms live each day knowing that we will parent for the next 24 hours on our own. And the next week on our own. And the next year.

And while single parenting is challenging in obvious ways—there’s no one to pass your kid off to when you’ve just had too much, you do all of the transportation and logistics yourself, there’s no divide-and-conquer at bedtime—legit single parenting differs in ways most temporary solo parents might not recognize.

As single moms, we are bombarded by (often inaccurate) messaging that our kids will have poorer outcomes than their friends with married parents. I’m a researcher who studies families, and when I take a quick dive into the family communication, psychology, or sociology literature, I see an endless list of disadvantages associated with having a single mom. Research shows that kids of single moms can have poorer academic outcomes. Some have trouble with romantic relationships, starting in adolescence. These outcomes can result from father absence: Kids whose fathers aren’t significantly involved might experience threats to their well-being as a young adult. Other negative outcomes are tied specifically to divorce. Some research shows that parental divorce among minor children has consequences for both parent–child relationships and health across the life course, a primary reason why divorce is considered an adverse childhood experience ( ACE ) when predicting lifelong health and opportunity. The messaging around these findings is especially pointed if single moms are Black. Media, especially conservative media, exploits this research and uses it to argue for the inferiority of Black parenting. Much of this inaccurate messaging has origins in late-20 th -century “welfare queen” imagery and carries forward into current media.

As a mom of a 5-year-old who seems well-adjusted, this constant messaging weighs on me. As a scientist, I know that these studies show association, not causation. But decades of internalizing negative messaging about single parenting still causes me to fear for my child’s health and well-being. As a result, I overcompensate so that she doesn’t become a statistic. I don’t hire babysitters and go out at night. I don’t date during my parenting time. She will enter kindergarten this year never having been enrolled in full-time daycare, a choice I might have weighed differently if I were still married to her father.

But while my fears aren’t completely unfounded, more recent research suggests that children of all racial and ethnic groups who have experienced divorce do just as well as children from intact families, achieving similar scores on measures of academic success and subjective well-being . In other words, kids who live with their divorced single mom do just as well in school and are just as happy as kids whose parents are married. Single parenthood does not appear to affect kids’ educational achievement , and a childhood with a supportive parent (mom or dad) who maintains a controlled environment at home can lead to happier kids.

This uncertainty is something “married single moms” don’t experience. They might have other fears about their children’s development, but those fears don’t revolve around their family composition. They might even be more likely to work hard at their marriage for fear that their kids will face similar challenges. But as married parents, they don’t have to confront the reality that their kids are perceived as already disadvantaged.

Single moms and our kids also encounter stigma and stereotyping in media. It’s rare to read a children’s book to my daughter that doesn’t include a family with both a mom and a dad (this is also frustrating for queer parents). When my daughter was a baby, I gravitated toward Anna Dewdney’s Llama Llama series because Llama Llama lives with only his mom. In the Llama Llama Valentine’s Day book, the UPS buffalo arrives with flowers for Mama Llama, at which point I (still) exclaim “WHO DO YOU THINK THE FLOWERS ARE FROM?! MAYBE MAMA’S BOYFRIEND OR GIRLFRIEND?!” (Or maybe the hot UPS buffalo?) Sure, I overdo it, but I always choose to capitalize on the rare occasion that there is a single mom in a book.

Much of the stigma and stereotyping in media comes from the (often substantiated) belief that single moms are more likely to be poor (and Black) than married moms. Research shows that perceptions of single parents are most strongly shaped by beliefs about economic resources. In short, single moms are seen as less-than because people perceive them as struggling financially. In fact, in one experiment , participants in a phone survey described single parents as less likely to be able to provide for their children’s basic needs than other types of “different” parents (adoptive or gay/lesbian couples). And other studies show that research participants blame single moms for their circumstances because their kids are perceived as being born out of wedlock or raised without a father figure.

This stigma perpetuates with media rated well beyond PG. I turned on Tyler Perry’s movie The Single Moms Club the other day, only to encounter yet another story about single moms who can’t handle their kids. Of the five moms, two are Black: one lives in the projects, has an older child in jail, and struggles to make ends meet. The other Black mom’s ex-husband has a drug problem and is an absent father. Of the two white women, one is a lawyer who is a single mother by choice, and the other white mother struggles to cope with the “rough” consequences of divorce: She can no longer employ the nanny. The remaining Latina mom is afraid to tell her ex-husband about her new boyfriend; her main conflict in the movie stereotypically revolves around her divorce-imposed sexual repression. The moms spend the movie trying to redeem themselves in the eyes of the school for their kids’ poor behavior, finally becoming closer to their kids in the process.

The problematic trope of the single mom with an unruly child seems even more trite when framed by the tired racial tropes Perry employs in the movie. These are not messages that moms whose partners are out of town for the weekend or enrolled in an evening MBA program internalize. Media doesn’t root their kids’ behavior problems in their romantic relationships. And when their kids do exhibit problematic behavior, they don’t fear that this behavior will be attributed to their “broken home.”

Finally, as a single mom, I don’t have the joy of experiencing my child’s growth alongside another adult. This is perhaps the starkest difference between my permanent single motherhood and my friends’ temporary lack of a co-parent. My daughter’s first step, her first words, the first time she wrote her name—these types of milestones are often witnessed only by me. Similarly, when it comes to concerns I have about her social, physical, or emotional development, there’s no one to share with. Sure, I have loads of friends and family, and I do share with them, probably a little too much. But this is not a substitute for the feedback loop provided by co-parenting.

Even when married moms are left alone to parent for a weekend or longer, another person exists who is inextricably linked to both the mom and her child. That person is not going to be annoyed or inconvenienced by a text or a call with a funny or concerning anecdote. Married moms became parents alongside their partner and there is someone else who has a similar experience of their kid in real time.

To be sure, there are degrees of single parenthood. I have it easier than many of my single-mom peers. I live close to my child’s father, and although he has much less parenting time than me, he’s consistently involved. Me having a good job provides my daughter an advantage, because research shows that for middle-class single moms, it is less important that my ex is involved in my daughter’s life and her schooling than it would be if we were poor. And as a white woman, my child’s behavior may be attributed to our family arrangement, but it will never be attributed to my race and our family arrangement.

And married-parent involvement varies. Moms married to first responders, long-haul truckers, or spouses struggling with addiction may not feel that they are in a partnership. Some spouses just aren’t attentive or helpful regardless of their occupation. And sadly, married women with children and a husband actually perform more housework than single moms.

The following Christmas, my daughter came home from her new, more diverse preschool with two gifts, one for me and one for her dad. As I effusively thanked her teachers for this very important act, they downplayed my gratitude. For them, our family composition did not make my daughter an outlier. Uncoincidentally, they are both single mothers. And they are both women of color. I will never know what it’s like to have my status as a single mom scrutinized alongside my race. But I realized then that while I can’t choose what the news or children’s books suggest about our family, I can choose schools and organizations that acknowledge the strength that comes from single parenting, and the blessing of our small but loving family.

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Peer-reviewed

Research Article

Growing up with a single mother and life satisfaction in adulthood: A test of mediating and moderating factors

Affiliation German Institute for Economic Research, Berlin, Germany

* E-mail: [email protected]

Affiliation Department of Psychology, University of Warwick, Coventry, United Kingdom

• David Richter, 
• Sakari Lemola

• Published: June 15, 2017
• https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639
• Reader Comments

Single parenthood is increasingly common in Western societies but only little is known about its long-term effects. We therefore studied life satisfaction among 641 individuals (ages 18–66 years) who spent their entire childhood with a single mother, 1539 individuals who spent part of their childhood with both parents but then experienced parental separation, and 21,943 individuals who grew up with both parents. Individuals who grew up with a single mother for their entire childhood and to a lesser degree also individuals who experienced parental separation showed a small but persistent decrease in life satisfaction into old age controlling childhood socio-economic status. This decrease was partly mediated by worse adulthood living conditions related to socio-economic and educational success, physical health, social integration, and romantic relationship outcomes. No moderation by age, gender, and societal system where the childhood was spent (i.e. western oriented FRG or socialist GDR) was found.

Citation: Richter D, Lemola S (2017) Growing up with a single mother and life satisfaction in adulthood: A test of mediating and moderating factors. PLoS ONE 12(6): e0179639. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639

Editor: Jacobus P. van Wouwe, TNO, NETHERLANDS

Received: November 15, 2016; Accepted: June 1, 2017; Published: June 15, 2017

Copyright: © 2017 Richter, Lemola. This is an open access article distributed under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution License , which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, provided the original author and source are credited.

Data Availability: Data are available from the German Socio-economic Panel Study (SOEP) due to third party restrictions (for requests, please contact [email protected] ). The scientific use file of the SOEP with anonymous microdata is made available free of charge to universities and research institutes for research and teaching purposes. The direct use of SOEP data is subject to the strict provisions of German data protection law. Therefore, signing a data distribution contract is a precondition for working with SOEP data. The data distribution contract can be requested with a form. The form is provided here: http://www.diw.de/documents/dokumentenarchiv/17/diw_01.c.88926.de/soep_application_contract.pdf . For further information the SOEPhotline at either [email protected] or +49 30 89789- 292 can be contacted.

Funding: The authors received no specific funding for this work.

Competing interests: The authors have declared that no competing interests exist.

Introduction

Single parenthood is increasingly common in Western societies, with 27.5% of children in the US currently being raised in single-parent households—more than 80% of them in households headed by single mothers [ 1 ]. Although the importance of studying the long-term consequences of single parenthood on children is clear, there is still a dearth of knowledge on the relative strength of long-term effects of single parenthood on children’s well-being at different stages of the adult life-span as well as on the involved mechanisms. Therefore, we study differences in life-satisfaction across adulthood related to differences in childhood family structure in a large representative German panel study. We focus on life-satisfaction in adulthood as a highly desirable characteristic which is assumed to play a crucial role for the populations' health, longevity, and citizenship [ 2 , 3 ].

There are three main pathways by which being raised by a single mother may produce a long-lasting impact on well-being in adulthood. First, children in single-mother households are more likely to suffer from less effective guardianship and a higher likelihood of family distress and conflicts (e.g., [ 4 ]). It is well established that two-parent families generally provide more emotional resources to children than single-parent families (e.g., [ 5 , 6 ]). In a related vein, children, whose parents divorce, exhibit slightly lower psychological well-being and social adjustment than children from stable two-parent families (e.g., [ 5 , 7 , 8 – 10 ]). The experience of parental divorce may cause further emotional distress to the child [ 5 , 11 ] and may eventually lead to an insecure attachment representation [ 5 , 12 ]. Prolonged family distress and insecure attachment representation may in turn complicate the development of social skills and make it more difficult to engage in satisfying intimate relationships which may eventually also hamper life-satisfaction during adulthood [ 12 ].

A second pathway of impact is related to the generally lower socio-economic status and increased risk of economic deprivation among children in single-mother households (e.g., [ 4 ]). Economic deprivation affects children's adjustment and well-being in multiple ways. Children from poor households are at increased risk to live in a low quality home environment and poor neighborhood conditions. They are more often exposed to harsh parental rearing practices and poor parental mental health, and they more often receive suboptimal nutrition and suffer from poor physical health [ 13 ]. Finally, economic deprivation also increases the likelihood of these children to enter careers with poor socio-economic prospects and to show poor social integration when they reach early adulthood [ 5 ].

A third pathway can be summarized as the ‘missing-father hypothesis.’ In popular science, it has been discussed that children need both a mother and a father, presuming that fathering involves distinct and necessary qualities which are particularly important for gender identity formation in boys (e.g., [ 14 , 15 ]). There is also evidence that the absence of a father is associated with an increase in antisocial behaviors in boys, including violence, criminality, and substance abuse [ 16 ] and a decrease in social adjustment in general [ 5 ].

The present study

In the present study, we examine whether general life satisfaction is lower among adults raised by a single mother than for adults raised in two-parent families. To do so, we compare the general life satisfaction of adults reared by their single mothers with respondents who grew up with both parents. As single parenthood and parental divorce are associated with parental socio-economic background and education, we statistically control for parents’ education and occupational prestige along with the respondents’ age and sex.

We expect to find a dose-response relationship, that is, that adults who spent at least part of their childhood in a two-parent family are affected less—despite the significant stresses associated with the experience of parental separation [ 5 ]. We expect a smaller decrease in general life satisfaction in this group, as the parent who left the family may still provide resources to support children when they enter adulthood—which is less likely when the parent has never lived together with the child.

Second, we test mediation models namely whether the association between childhood family structure and general adulthood life satisfaction is mediated by life outcomes that may be summarized as adulthood life success, including educational attainment, employment status, occupational prestige, net income, physical health, integration into social networks, and success in romantic relationships as there is evidence that these life-circumstances are affected in a negative way by growing up in a single parent household and/or by having experienced parental divorce [ 5 ]. We hypothesize that differences in these life circumstances during adulthood partly explain the difference in general adulthood life satisfaction between individuals who have been raised by single mothers and their counterparts who grew up with both parents.

Third, we test moderation of the effects by three possible moderating variables, age, gender, and societal system where the children grew up. Regarding age differences one might assume that the effects of single parenthood wane across the adult life-span following the general psychological principle that the longer ago a negative experience the smaller the imposed impact (e.g., [ 17 ]). Regarding gender differences we test the idea frequently echoed in popular science, namely that men who were raised by single mothers are more disadvantaged in adulthood than their female counterparts. Finally, regarding the question if different societal systems differentially affect the role of childhood family settings for adulthood life satisfaction we compare individuals who grew up in the Federal Republic of Germany and in the German Democratic Republic. The western oriented Federal Republic of Germany (FRG) and the socialist German Democratic Republic (GDR), which existed between 1949 and 1990, differed sharply in terms of several variables that may possibly be relevant for single parent families namely divorce rate, female participation in the labor market, and child day-care infrastructure. The divorce rate in the socialist GDR was nearly twice as high as in the FRG and female participation in the labor market was at 89% compared to 55% in the FRG in 1990 [ 18 ]. Even more drastic difference existed with regard to the child day-care infrastructure; more than half of the children who grew up in the socialist GDR were in regular day-care, which was free of charge, while less than 2% were in day-care in the FRG at the end of the 1980s [ 19 ]. Due to these differences we expect that children who grew up with single mothers in the socialist GDR were less disadvantaged compared to their counterparts who grew up with both parents than children who grew up with single mothers in the FRG; we expect this, as the higher divorce-rate may have reduced the stigma associated with single parenthood in the GDR, moreover, single motherhood was possibly related with relatively less economic burden in the GDR compared to the FRG.

The data are from the SOEP (Version 30), which is an ongoing, nationally representative longitudinal study of private households in Germany running since 1984. Comprehensive information about the data collection, design, respondents, variables, and assessment procedures is reported in Wagner, Frick, and Schupp [ 20 ].

The sample comprised of 26,936 adults born after 1946, of whom 24,123 adults between the ages of 17 and 66 years ( M = 37.86 years, SD = 13.50 years; 52.1% female) were analyzed in the present paper. Given the present study’s focus on the effect of single parenthood vs. growing up with both parents, we categorized the participants into three subgroups: individuals who lived with both parents up to the age of 15 ( n = 21,943), those whose parents separated and who lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years ( n = 1539), and those who lived with a single mother up to the age of 15 ( n = 641). Data from 2813 respondents were excluded who had spent part of their childhood in different family settings (e.g., raised by the mother and a new partner, by a single father with or without a new partner, or by other relatives; among the excluded respondents there were 207 individuals who grew up with a single father for 1–14 years and 21 individuals who grew up with a single father for 15 years, respectively).

Regarding the societal system where the children grew up, in the FRG, 18,186 respondents grew up with both parents up to the age of fifteen, 1234 lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years, and 483 lived with a single mother up to the age of fifteen. In the former GDR, 3757 respondents grew up with both parents up to the age of fifteen, 305 lived with their mothers for between one and fourteen years, and 158 lived with a single mother up to the age of fifteen.

Although life satisfaction has been measured since the very beginning of the SOEP study in 1984, the information on where respondents had spent the first fifteen years of their lives was only available for respondents who entered the panel after the year 2000. During the fourteen years of data collection, respondents reported their general life satisfaction (‘All things considered, how satisfied are you with your life in general?’) at the end of each yearly interview using an 11-point scale ranging from 0 ( completely dissatisfied ) to 10 ( completely satisfied ), a measure with high reported reliability and validity [ 21 ]. To minimize error variance and to get a global indicator of adult well-being, general life satisfaction was estimated by aggregating all data available to build a mean-score ( M = 7.33, SD = 1.49). On average, respondents provided 4.71 ( SD = 4.29; range = 1–14) data points of general life satisfaction.

When entering the panel study, respondents reported where they had grown up in the first fifteen years of their life (“How many years of your childhood (up until age fifteen) did you live with the following persons? Please round off to the nearest year”). For our analyses, we used data from the response options “with both your father and mother (biological or adoptive)” and “with your mother without a new husband or partner”.

The participants also reported their socio-economic status (SES) in childhood (i.e., their parents’ education and occupational prestige), their own SES in adulthood (i.e., employment status, occupational prestige, education, and net income), their physical health status during adulthood (the number of visits to the doctor, reverse-coded), their social integration in adulthood (number of friends, number of visits to/from friends, and number of visits to/from family members), and success in romantic relationships (their relationship status and if they were divorced). Descriptive statistics of the study variables for the three subgroups are presented in Table 1 .

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https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.t001

Occupational prestige was scored from 13 to 78 using the Standard International Occupation Prestige Score index (SIOPS; [ 22 ]). Occupational prestige was not available for 5377 (22.3%) of the respondents and for 12,331 (51.1%) mothers and 7097 (29.4%) fathers of respondents. In most cases these individuals had no occupational prestige due to being homemakers or being unemployed. In rare cases, however, participants also did not know their parents’ occupation. Missing occupational prestige was scored with the lowest value possible following the rationale that being unemployed or homemaker is regarded as lower in prestige than all other paid work. Respondents’ general occupational prestige was estimated by calculating the mean of all yearly data available.

Education of parents measured when respondents entered the panel and scored from 1 to 3 (no education [ 1 ]: no school attendance, no degree obtained, other degree obtained, or respondent did not know; low education [ 2 ]: lower-track secondary school; and high education [ 3 ]: intermediate-track or upper-track secondary school). Education of respondents was scored using the International Standard Classification of Education (ISCED-1997; [ 23 ]. Prior to the analyses respondents’ ISCED-Scores were collapsed into three categories (low education [ 1 ]: ISCED-Scores 0, 1, and 2; medium education [ 2 ]: ISCED-Scores 3 and 4; and high education [ 3 ]: ISCED-Scores 5 and 6). Missing information on education ( n = 138, 0.6%) was scored as the lowest category.

Yearly data on the employment status of respondents were coded to generate a continuous index (full-time employment was coded 1.0, regular part-time employment or vocational training were coded 0.5, marginal, irregular part-time employment was coded 0.25, and not employed was coded 0.0) and collapsed into a mean score to represent the general employments status of respondents across the years they reported their life satisfaction.

The number of doctor visits as well as their generalized monthly net income in EUR were estimated by calculating the mean of all yearly data available.

Social network status was measured in the years 2003, 2008, and 2013. Respondents reported how often they “visited or were visited by neighbors, friends, or acquaintances” and how often they “visited or were visited by family members or relatives” on a 1 ( daily ) to 5 ( never ) scale. In the analysis, the scales of these variables were reversed. In addition, respondents answered the question “how many close friends would you say that you have?”. Respondents’ general social network status was estimated by calculating the mean of all data available.

Respondents’ partnership status was coded (with partner was coded 1.0, no partner was coded 0.0) and collapsed into a mean score to represent the respondent’s general relationship status across the years they reported their life satisfaction. Similarly, we coded whether respondents’ marital status was “divorced” (divorced was coded 1.0, all other marital statuses were coded 0.0) for the years they reported their life satisfaction and collapsed the data into a mean score.

Intercorrelations of all study variables are depicted in S1 Table .

In a first step, respondents’ z-standardized general life satisfaction served as the dependent variable in hierarchical multiple regression analyses. In this analysis, dummy-coded variables were used to represent the childhood family settings of the subgroups. These analyses controlled respondents’ age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex as well as parents’ education (dummy coded) and parents’ occupational prestige (standardized). Age was centered before age 2 and age 3 were calculated.

In a second step, analyses of variance were conducted to test whether indicators of adulthood life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and success in romantic relationships varied significantly in the three aforementioned subgroups. Again, respondents’ age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex as well as parents’ education (dummy coded) and occupational prestige (standardized) were entered into the equations to control for these background variables.

In a third step, mediation analyses were conducted to test whether differences in adulthood life satisfaction related to childhood family structure were mediated by indicators of adulthood life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and success in romantic relationships in adulthood. These possible mediators of the effect of childhood family settings on general life satisfaction were entered in three blocks. In model 1 (baseline model), parents’ education (dummy coded) and occupational prestige (standardized) were included into the equation to control for childhood SES. In model 2, respondents’ own education (dummy coded), occupational prestige (standardized), employment status (centered), and net income (standardized) were entered as one block representing adulthood SES. In model 3, respondents’ adulthood physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse coded, and centered) was entered to the equation. Finally, in model 4 respondents’ number of friends (centered), visits to/from friends (centered), visits to/from family members (centered), partnership status (centered), and having been divorced (centered) were entered as one block representing adulthood social integration and success in romantic relationships.

First, we compared the variance explained by childhood family settings (only controlling age, age 2 , age 3 , and sex) with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the control variables of model 1 (childhood SES) had been entered to the regression model. Second, we compared the variance explained by childhood family settings in model 1 (only controlling childhood SES) with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 2 (adulthood SES) had been entered to the regression model. Third, we compared the variance explained by the childhood family settings in model 2 with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 3 (model 2 mediators plus physical health) had been entered to the regression model. Finally, we compared the variance explained by the childhood family settings in model 3 with the variance that childhood family settings explained after the mediators of model 4 (model 3 mediators plus adulthood social integration and success in romantic relationships) had been entered to the regression model.

Additionally, we also evaluated indirect paths of childhood family settings on adulthood general life satisfaction via these mediators employing the Structural Equation Modeling module of stata 13. Here, all possible indirect paths were tested in individual models controlling age, age 2 , age 3 , sex, and childhood SES.

In a fourth step, we included interaction terms into the regression analyses to analyze if the effects of the childhood family structure on adulthood life satisfaction varied depending on respondents’ sex and age when completing the questionnaire following the procedure proposed by Aiken and West [ 24 ]. In addition, we tested whether associations of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction in adulthood differed for individuals who grew up in the FRG or the GDR.

The analyses were conducted with SPSS 20 and stata 13.

Childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction

The main analyses showed a significant association of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction. Compared to people raised by both parents, respondents reared by a single mother for between 1 and 14 years or for the entire first 15 years of their lives reported significantly lower general life satisfaction than the group reared by both parents. The effect sizes for the difference in life satisfaction between the two groups reared by a single mother and the group reared by both parents were in the small range (1–14 years: d = 0.10 p < .001, entire first 15 years: d = 0.19, p < .001). Fig 1A depicts the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction across the adult life-span controlling for childhood SES. The values underlying Fig 1A are reported in Table 2 , Model 1. The association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction was not moderated by respondents’ age or respondents’ sex (for further details see below).

A. Association of general life satisfaction with childhood family settings across the adult life-span controlling for respondents’ sex and childhood SES. 1B. Association of adulthood life outcomes (adulthood SES, physical health, social integration, and romantic relationship success) with childhood family settings controlling for respondents’ sex, age, and childhood SES.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.g001

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.t002

Childhood family settings and adulthood life circumstances

Fig 1B depicts the various domains of adult life outcomes including adulthood SES, physical health, adulthood social integration, and romantic relationship success separately for individuals who grew up with both parents, who lived with a single mother for between one and 14 years (i.e., individuals whose parents separated at some point in childhood), or who spent their first 15 years living with a single mother, controlling for childhood SES. Growing up with a single mother was associated with lower SES in childhood including lower parental education and occupational prestige (mother’s education p < .01, all other p s < .001). Growing up with a single mother was further related to the participants’ own SES in adulthood including employment status, occupational prestige, and net income. This association exhibited evidence of a dose-response relationship: individuals who spent their first 15 years living with a single mother reported lower SES in adulthood than individuals who spent between 1 and 14 years living with a single mother, who again were lower than their counterparts who lived with both parents throughout childhood, controlling for their childhood SES (all linear trends p < 0.05).

Participants who spent their first 15 years with a single mother further showed a lower degree of social integration during adulthood, including a smaller number of friends and fewer visits to/from family as well as less success in romantic relationships, including a lower probability of living with a partner and a higher probability of having been divorced, controlling for childhood SES (linear trends p < 0.05). Again the effect was somewhat stronger for participants who lived with a single mother for their first 15 years compared to their counterparts whose parents separated at some point during childhood. Generally, the effect sizes were in the modest range, and no significant association between childhood family settings and physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse-coded) and number of visits to/from friends was revealed after controlling childhood SES (see also S2 Table ).

Mediation of the effect on life satisfaction by adulthood life circumstances

Mediation analyses revealed that a large part of the variance in life satisfaction between different childhood family settings was explained by childhood SES, including differences in the education and occupational prestige of the respondents’ parents (i.e., 29% of the variance; see Table 2 , Model 1). Inclusion of respondents’ own education, occupational prestige, employment status, and net income during adulthood into the model attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with general life satisfaction by a further 20% (Model 2). Inclusion of physical health (Model 3) attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with life satisfaction by a further 6%. Finally, inclusion of respondents’ social integration and success in romantic relationships attenuated the association of the different childhood family settings with life satisfaction by a further 16% (Model 4). However, the differences in general life satisfaction between respondents who lived with both parents for their first 15 years of life and either group of respondents reared by a single mother remained significant in all models, even when all adulthood life circumstances were controlled for.

Evaluation of the indirect paths between ‘growing up with a single mother for 1–14 years vs. with both parents’ and general life satisfaction revealed that paths mediated by respondents’ education, employment status, physical health, and number of friends were significant (p < 0.05, see Fig 2 ). Regarding indirect paths between ‘growing up with a single mother for the entire childhood vs. with both parents’ and general life satisfaction, paths mediated by respondents’ education, employment status, occupational prestige, net income, number of friends, visits to/from family, partnership status, and experience of divorce in adulthood were significant (p < 0.05, see Fig 2 ).

Indirect paths were estimated separately in individual models but illustrated here together in one model for presentational parsimony. All models controlled age, age2, age3, sex, and childhood SES. Values are unstandardized path coefficients with 95% confidence limits. Life satisfaction, occupational prestige and net income were standardized; employment status, physical health (number of doctor visits, reverse coded), number of friends, visits to/from family, partnership status, and having been divorced were centered.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.g002

Moderation of the effect of life circumstances on life satisfaction by sex

Testing sex differences regarding the role of these adulthood life circumstances for life satisfaction revealed that physical health (i.e., the reverse-coded number of doctor visits; men: β = .09, t = 2.46, p > .05, women: β = .20, t = 5.80, p < .001, sex × physical health interaction: t = 2.66, p < .01) and number of friends (men: β = .05, t = 1.17, p = .241, women: β = .16, t = 4.61, p < .001, sex × number of friends interaction: t = 2.54, p < .01) were more strongly associated with life satisfaction among women who spent between 1 and 14 years of their childhood living with a single mother when compared to their male counterparts. No respective interactions with sex were found for those who spent 15 years living with a single mother.

Moderation of the effect of childhood family settings on life satisfaction by age, sex, and societal system (FGR vs. GDR)

Moderation effects of the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction by respondents’ age and respondents’ sex were non-significant when controlling for respondents’ childhood SES (age: F (6, 24104) = 0.807, p = .564, all age × years with single mother interactions: t < 0.45, p > .656; sex: F (2, 24108) = 2.554, p = .078, sex × 1–14 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.74, p = .081, sex × 15 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.51, p = .131), indicating that the effect does not change with age and does not differ between men and women. In addition, the association between childhood family settings and adulthood life satisfaction did not differ significantly between individuals who grew up in the FGR or the GDR ( F (2, 24107) = 0.734, p = .480, Societal System × 1–14 years with single mother interaction: t = 1.14, p = .253, Societal System × 15 years with single mother interaction: t = 0.34, p = .731). This effect remained non-significant ( F (2, 13687) = 0.834, p = .453) when the sample was restricted to individuals born between 1946 and 1974 who lived for their whole childhood until the age of fifteen in the FRG or GDR, respectively.

This is the first study to show that growing up with a single mother is related to a stable although modest reduction in general life satisfaction across the adult life-span until old age when adjusting for poor childhood SES. Individuals who spent their entire first 15 years of life living with a single mother showed on average approximately twice the reduction in life satisfaction compared to individuals who spent only part of their first 15 years with a single mother, which is consistent with a dose-response relationship. This suggests that growing up with a single mother throughout all of childhood and early adolescence and the related lack of resources from the father more than outweighs the well-described negative effects related to parental separation [ 5 , 7 – 9 ].

The reduction in adulthood life satisfaction was partially mediated by the individuals’ living conditions, including their lower socio-economic status and educational level, lower physical health status, and poor social integration and romantic success in adulthood. This finding is consistent with studies on adult well-being after parental divorce [ 5 , 25 ]. The decrease in adulthood life satisfaction was not moderated by age, thus we could not find waning of the effect of single parenthood with increasing distance to childhood. This is in contrast to evidence on negative life events during adulthood including divorce, bereavement, and unemployment for which the general principle of adaptation holds positing that the impact of an negative event decreases with increasing time since the event has happened (e.g., [ 17 , 26 ]). However, and in contrast to studies on effects of negative life events during adulthood we here studied long-term effects of enduring childhood family settings which are possibly more likely to lead to long-term changes to the set-point of general life-satisfaction during adulthood. Moreover, we could not find evidence supporting the widely held notion from popular science that boys are more affected than girls by the absence of their fathers. However, we did find that in females who experienced parental separation during childhood, the effect was more strongly mediated by poor physical health and a smaller number of friends than in their male counterparts.

Finally, we did not find evidence for differential associations between growing up with a single mother in the western oriented FRG compared to the socialist GDR––this although one might expect that the higher divorce rate in the GDR could have reduced the stigma associated with single parenthood in the GDR. Moreover, one might expect that the higher rate of female participation in the work force as well as the higher number of children in day-care in the socialist GDR might have mitigated inequalities between children raised in single parent households compared to children from two-parent households in the GDR.

However, our finding of a non-significant difference between the FRG and the GDR is consistent with comparisons between children raised by single parents in states with well-established welfare systems such as Norway as compared to children from single parents from states with less well-established welfare systems such as the US who neither found any differences [ 27 ]. One explanation for the lack of differences in such comparisons can be summarized by a relative deprivation perspective which holds that existing small economic differences may still matter a lot in societies with a more even distribution of goods and which is in contrast to an absolute economic deprivation perspective [ 26 ]. A second explanation for finding no differences between the FRG and the GDR is that our respondents who grew up in the GDR responded to the study many years after the breakdown of the socialist state of the GDR in 1990. The breakdown of the socialist system has lead to many changes and new economic hardships to a part of the population [ 28 ]. It remains possible that such economic hardships might have stroke adults who grew up with a single mother more strongly than their counterparts who grew up in two-parent families as they possibly also received less support from their father while they were already adults. A third explanation for finding no differences between the FRG and the GDR is that the socio-emotional resources provided by the father were also lacking in single-parent households in the GDR. The deprivation from the father's socio-emotional resources may have outbalanced the effects of some possibly more favorable societal circumstances for single-parents in the GDR.

As a limitation of the study, it remains impossible to derive causality as growing up in a single-mother household and adulthood life satisfaction might both be influenced by a third variable such as genetic factors. In this respect, there is evidence that the risk of divorce is up to 30–40% hereditary which is mediated by personality traits such as negative affectivity [ 29 ]. In a similar vein, it is possible that the direction of the causal influence between the factors that we tested as mediators and life satisfaction are different than we have specified them. For instance it is possible that the relationship between physical health and life satisfaction is reverse involving an impact of life satisfaction on physical health.

A further limitation lies in the measurement of the childhood family settings which were reported retrospectively during adulthood. While it may be assumed that adults are able to reliably report whether they spent the entire childhood vs. only a part of their childhood with a single mother, this variable may still be subject to memory distortions. Furthermore, regarding the possible mediating factors of the effect of childhood family settings on adulthood life satisfaction, physical health could have been measured in a more sophisticated fashion. In the present study it was assessed by the number of visits to the doctor, while more objective measures of physical health such as a doctor’s examinations or physical fitness tests might have revealed different findings.

In conclusion, the present study shows that growing up with a single mother—in particular if the father is absent for the entire childhood—predicts a small but stable decrease in life satisfaction across adulthood that is partly explained by lower socio-economic status and educational achievement, inferior physical health, poor social integration, and lower likelihood of romantic relationship success in adulthood. Contrary to expectations this effect was not moderated by sex, age, or the societal system in which the childhood was spent. Thus, the differences in life satisfaction were similar for younger and older, male and female, as well as participants who spent their childhood in the western oriented FRG or in the socialistic GDR.

Future cross-cultural research comparing effects of family settings on adulthood life-outcomes in several studies from different cultures may identify macro-level protective factors that could be targeted to improve the prospects of single parents and their children.

Supporting information

S1 table. intercorrelations of study variables..

* p < .05. ** p < .01. *** p < .001.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s001

S2 Table. Estimated marginal means of adulthood life circumstances by childhood family settings controlling participants' sex, age, and childhood SES (z-standardized on full sample; M , SE in brackets) .

Values with different superscripts vary significantly ( p < 0.05; Bonferroni-corrected).

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s002

S1 File. SPSS-Syntax of the main analyses. Stata-syntax of the mediation analyses.

Those not using SPSS or stata may check the included output-file.

https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0179639.s003

Author Contributions

• Conceptualization: SL DR.
• Data curation: DR.
• Formal analysis: DR.
• Methodology: SL DR.
• Validation: SL DR.
• Visualization: SL DR.
• Writing – original draft: SL DR.
• Writing – review & editing: SL DR.
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Essay on “The Roles of a Single Mother”

Mothers are arguably some of the best multi-taskers in the world today. The sheer amount of responsibilities they need to juggle makes them a combination of nurturer, caregiver, teacher, nurse, cheerleader, disciplinarian and more. I would know—I’m a mother, myself. If there is something even more challenging than being a mother, though, it is being a single mother with no parents to help you out. My situation is a little different from other single mothers, however. Aside from the aforementioned roles, I also took on the additional roles of full-time student and part-time worker. Thankfully, I’ve learned enough from the University of Hard Knocks with respect to balancing school and family life. Most of my time is devoted to caring for my children. My studies take second place, with work coming in third and the remaining fraction of my time left for the rest.

Unfortunately, juggling all of the things I’ve mentioned above does not necessarily translate into calmness and ease all the time. In fact, it often leads to role strain. There are times when I actually wish I had help in the form of a helpmate—someone who could look after the kids while I sought that much-needed break. My children are precious to me, yet there are admittedly days when they seem semi-precious. This most often happens when their needs prevent me from keeping up with my homework. Sometimes, my assignments have to take a backseat to more pressing needs like feeding them, cleaning them or helping them with their own assignments. My social life is almost non-existent as a result of this (Szakaly, “Role Strain in Caregiving”).

The good news is that my part-time job doesn’t really feel like work. In fact, it feels more like an interesting diversion —a chance to go out and meet new people and help someone out. The benefits work both ways: the people I reach out get their needs met and I get the chance to forget my own problems for a while (Howe, “Meeting the Challenge of Being a Single Mom”). It is also a great opportunity for me to connect with someone other than my kids and it helps me grow in a fun way.

Then there are the rough days when the frustration sets in . During these dark times, I continuously remind myself of my reason for doing this precarious balancing act: to provide a better life for my kids. When they are sleeping, I take the time to ground myself, to pray and to ask God for the strength to do what is right (Szakaly, “Role Strain in Caregiving”). At first glance, it would seem as if I am the sum of these statuses and nothing more. Most people look at me and see a struggling mother, a part-time worker and a student, and rightly so, for these things are part of my current life. However, I am working hard to be more than just them. I know that God put me on Earth for a reason. Part of my life’s meaning comes from discovering that reason and living it out to the best of my ability. One day, I will not only live out my potential—I will transcend it as well.

In closing, I see my status as a single mother as a supreme challenge . It tests my conviction and my courage on a daily basis to the point where I question and doubt myself. Nevertheless, all it takes is a prayer and one look at my sleeping children to get me back on track. As God has showed me time and time again, it is in dying to myself daily and in trusting Him completely that I discover the person that I really am and the life that I am truly meant to live .

Works Cited

Howe, Michele. “Meeting the Challenge of Being a Single Mom.” Powertochange.com. Power to Change Ministries, n.d. Web. 26 April 2012. Szakaly, Jennifer. “Role Strain in Caregiving.” Jenniferszakaly.hubpages.com. Hubpages, n.d. Web. 26 April 2012.

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Home Essay Samples Life Single Parenting

Navigating College as a Single Mother

Table of contents, a multifaceted journey, resilience and grit, unique perspective and empathy, strength in diversity, a vision for the future, conclusion: a journey of triumph.

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Single Mothers: Navigating a Complex Journey

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20 Scholarships for Students from Single-Parent Households

According to the Pew Research Center , approximately one quarter of children in the United States are raised in single-parent families. While it’s not as uncommon as it once was, growing up as the child of a single parent can carry its own set of unique opportunities and challenges. Some children report closer familial relationships, while others struggle to make ends meet. For single-parent families that only have one income, educational costs can represent an especially significant burden. Fortunately, there are a number of high-quality scholarships that provide financial assistance to students raised by single moms, dads, or other single guardians.

To qualify for many of these single-parent scholarships, you’ll need to complete the free application for federal student aid (FAFSA®) and calculate your expected family contribution (EFC) to your college education. Not sure how to begin? Use our custom tools to figure out your EFC and answer the FAFSA®’s trickiest questions . Then sign up for Going Merry to find even more scholarships specifically for you. 

20 Scholarships for Children of Single Parents  

It doesn’t matter if you lost a parent to illness or an accident, or if your parents simply divorced when you were young: These awards apply to dependent children from single-parent households of all kinds. So, if you were raised by a single mom or dad, start your scholarship search here. 

1. Vincent Bennett Jr. Memorial Scholarship

Amount: $20,000

Provider : First Responders Children’s Foundation

Eligibility Requirements :

• Minimum GPA of 2.7 on a 4.0 scale
• Enrolled or planning to enroll in a college, university, or technical or vocational institution
• Child of a law enforcement officer or firefighter who died in the line of duty

Application Requirements: Transcript, 3 letters of recommendation, student aid report, financial aid award letter, proof of U.S. citizenship or legal permanent residency, proof of acceptance or enrollment, personal statement, headshot, list of honors and awards, picture of first responder’s ID or letter from employer

Named for Vincent Bennett Jr., a passionate member of the First Responders Children’s Foundation, this four-year award provides financial support to one exceptional college freshman each academic year. To be eligible for the Vincent Bennett Jr. Memorial Scholarship, you must be the child of a firefighter or law enforcement officer who was killed while on duty. While there’s no required field of study, students pursuing engineering will be given preference. Community service and high academic achievement will also help set you apart.

2. The Toby Merrill Scholarship

Amount: $9,700

Provider : The Toby Merrill Scholarship Fund

• Minimum GPA of 2.5 on a 4.0 scale
• Enrolled or planning to enroll full-time in a college or university

Application Requirements: Essay, list of extracurricular activities, list of honors and awards

Toby Merrill was a committed dad, husband, and friend who tragically lost his life to cancer. To honor Toby, his family and friends created the need-based Toby Merrill Scholarship to help students who have lost a parent pay for their higher education. Because Toby was committed to community service, scholarship recipients will need to complete 10 volunteer hours each year to renew their scholarship. While it’s not a requirement for entry, the award gives priority to students experiencing hardship due to bereavement and/or cancer. 

3. First Responders Children’s Foundation Scholarship

Amount: Varies

• Biological child, adopted child, or stepchild of a first responder who died in the line of duty 

If you’re the child of a first responder who was killed in the line of duty, the First Responders Children’s Foundation Scholarship could help you pay for college. The award amount varies each year, but the maximum award amount is $6,250, and it can be renewed annually for up to four years. Priority goes to applicants whose parent passed away while on the job. (Stepchildren of deceased first responders qualify, too, as long as they were listed as a dependent on tax returns prior to the first responder’s death.)

4. Jennifer Casey Alderman Scholarship Award

Amount: $10,000

Provider : Twisted Pink

• Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, or Tennessee resident
• Minimum GPA of 3.0 on a 4.0 scale
• Child of a parent who died from metastatic breast cancer 

Application Requirements: Essay

Twisted Pink works to further research and access to care for people with metastatic breast cancer. In honor of Jennifer Casey Alderman, a mother and wife who lost her life to the disease, the organization created the Jennifer Casey Alderman Scholarship Award . To apply, you’ll need to write an essay about any topic of your choosing. (Need help with your essay? Use Going Merry’s essay tips to help you write the perfect one.) You’ll also need to provide proof of your eligibility via an obituary, death certificate, or letter from your parent’s medical oncologist. Scholarship recipients can renew the award each subsequent year for $2,500 annually. 

5. Ava’s Grace Scholarship

Amount: $5,000

Provider : The Scholarship Foundation of St. Louis

• Missouri or Illinois resident (limited to the following Illinois counties: Bond, Calhoun, Clinton, Jersey, Macoupin, Madison, Monroe, or St. Clair counties) 
• Minimum GPA of 2.0 on a 4.0 scale
• Enrolled or planning to enroll in a college or university
• Child of a parent who is or has been incarcerated in a U.S. penitentiary (state or federal)

Application Requirements: Transcript, completed FAFSA®, student aid report, personal statement, resume

The Scholarship Foundation of St. Louis sponsors the Ava’s Grace Scholarship for students who have at least one incarcerated parent. The award was named for Ava, who founded the scholarship in response to her own mother’s incarceration and her desire to use education to break the incarceration cycle. To qualify, you must have been a resident of Missouri or a few select counties in Illinois for a minimum of two years. Priority goes to students with an expected family contribution (EFC) of $1,500 or less. (If your EFC is greater than $1,500, you can still apply, but you’ll need to demonstrate extenuating circumstances.) In your personal statement, write about how having an incarcerated parent has affected your education, development, and goals for your future. This grant program is renewable for up to eight semesters. 

6. The 9/11 Promise Scholarship

Provider : 9/11 Promise

• Under the age of 25
• Child of a first responder or armed-services member who died in the line of duty 

Application Requirements: 2 letters of recommendation, essay, personal statement, list of honors and awards

The 9/11 Promise Scholarship was originally created to honor those who lost their lives in the 9/11 terrorist attack in New York City. Today, the award goes to 11 deserving young students whose lives have been irreparably changed due to the loss of a first-responder parent. The amounts vary between $5,000 and $15,000. This college scholarship can be used to fund undergraduate or graduate studies as well as to finance a trade or vocational degree. The essay prompt asks students to write about what they’ve learned by having a first responder for a parent. (You’ll also need to provide proof of death and documentation of your parent’s service.)

7. ReWritten Scholarship

Provider : ReWritten

• Enrolled or planning to enroll in a college, university, or trade or vocational school
• Child raised by a single mother

Application Requirements: Personal statement

Statistically, children raised without fathers are more likely to live in low-income communities, face imprisonment, die by suicide, or run away from home — but ReWritten wants to re-write that story. To support students from fatherless households, they’ve created the ReWritten Scholarship . The award ranges from $500 to $5,000 and is intended to help college students gain access to a brighter future. To apply, students should submit a written plan for their higher education and demonstrate financial need. 

8. Life Lessons Scholarship Program

Provider : Life and Health Insurance Foundation for Education

• 17 to 24 years of age
• Child of a parent or legal guardian who is deceased 

If you’ve lost a parent or guardian, the Life Lessons Scholarship Program is aimed at helping you afford higher education. This award is open to both undergraduate and graduate students. To apply, write an essay or record a three-minute video discussing how the death of your parent impacted your life and your plans for your future. This award is sponsored by Life and Health Insurance Foundation for Education, so if relevant, be sure to explain how a lack of appropriate life insurance impacted your family financially. The award amount varies, but the total amount for all prizes (usually around 40 total) will be $250,000. 

9. The Family Scholarship Fund

Provider : The American Society of Safety Professionals Foundation

• Child of a parent who died in a workplace incident

Application Requirements: Transcript, essay

As part of their mission to support those in occupational safety or health careers, the American Society of Safety Professionals Foundation created the Family Scholarship Fund . The fund works to offset college costs for students who have lost a parent in a workplace incident. The award amount varies by year and financial need. Because application requirements are fairly open-ended (students can be pursuing a degree either full-time or part-time, for example), the selection committee considers each application on an individual basis. For the best chance of winning, write an essay detailing how the loss of your parent affected your life.   

10. Operation Second Chance Scholarship

Amount: $3,500

Provider : Operation Second Chance

• Enrolled as a high-school senior
• Child of a veteran who died from injuries related to combat deployment

Application Requirements: Transcript, student aid report, proof of acceptance or enrollment

Operation Second Chance works to support veterans and their families. To that end, the nonprofit offers its Operation Second Chance Scholarship to the children of veterans killed in combat. To apply, you must be a high school senior planning to pursue higher education in the upcoming school year.  There is no GPA or standardized test score requirement, and students can be planning to attend any kind of post-secondary school: community colleges, universities, vocational schools, and trade schools are all fair game for eligibility.  

11. Colwell Law Single Parent Scholarship

Amount: $1,000

Provider : Colwell Law

• Enrolled in a college or university
• Child raised by a single parent

Application Requirements: Transcript, essay, resume

Colwell Law, a firm that specializes in family and divorce practice, understands how much of a financial burden it can be for single moms and dads to send their kids to college. To help bridge that gap in financial support, they endow the Colwell Law Single Parent Scholarship . The award is open to children of single parents as well as to single parents themselves. The application includes an essay where applicants should share how living in a single-parent household has shaped their values, character, and goals. 

12. The Quell Foundation Survivor Scholarship

Provider : The Quell Foundation Irene Pasierb Memorial Fund

• Minimum GPA of 3.4 on a 4.0 scale
• Child of a parent, caregiver, or sibling who died due to suicide

Application Requirements: Transcript, personal statement

The Quell Foundation Irene Pasierb Memorial Fund is passionate about improving education and reducing the stigma around mental illness. The Quell Foundation Survivor Scholarship is given annually to students who have lost a parent, caregiver, or sibling to suicide. The scholarship opportunity is open to current high school seniors planning to pursue a bachelor’s degree, as well as to current undergraduate and graduate students. Your personal statement should include how your family member’s death has affected your life and education. (Refer to our tips to craft a compelling personal statement that will help you stand out from the crowd.) 

13. Encore Protection Victims of Drunk Driving Scholarship

Provider : Encore Protection

• Child of a parent who died due to a drunk-driving accident  

Encore Protection provides roadside assistance to drivers across the United States. As part of their goal to improve driver safety, Encore is passionate about ending drunk driving. In an effort to support this cause, they’ve created the Encore Protection Victims of Drunk Driving Scholarship . This award helps students who have lost a parent to a drunk driving accident afford post-secondary education. To apply, you’ll need to write an essay addressing the effects of drunk driving — both on you and on the community at large. 

14. The Lisa Michelle Memorial Fund Scholarship

Provider : The Lisa Michelle Memorial Fund

• Child of a parent who died due to alcohol, drug, or prescription drug abuse

Application Requirements: Transcript, proof of acceptance or enrollment, essay

The Lisa Michelle Memorial Fund was created in honor of Lisa Michelle, a mother who tragically lost her battle with addiction. The Lisa Michelle Memorial Fund Scholarship supports one deserving student each year who has lost a parent to alcohol or drug abuse. This scholarship opportunity asks students to write an essay about their experience of losing a parent to addiction. In your statement, be sure to explain how a college education will impact both you and your family.  

15. FOZA Scholarship for Maternal Mental Health Awareness

Provider : Friends of Zayne Adams, Inc. 

• Black/African American, Hispanic/Latinx, and/or Native American
• Enrolled or planning to enroll in a college, university, or trade or vocational school 
• Child of a parent who died by postpartum depression-related suicide 

Postpartum depression is a common and often undiscussed illness that affects up to approximately 15% of new mothers, according to the National Library of Medicine . Zayne Adams’s mother was one of them. After he lost her in the first month of his life, his mother’s friends and family came together to create the FOZA Scholarship for Maternal Mental Health Awareness . This scholarship award helps children who have lost a mother due to postpartum depression-related suicide. To apply, you’ll need to write an essay expressing why community service is important to you. This award is open to students pursuing undergraduate, associate’s, and/or trade degrees. 

16. Tuition and Fee Exemption for Children of Deceased or Disabled Veterans Grant

Amount: Full tuition and fees

Provider : State of Indiana

• Indiana resident
• Under the age of 33 
• Child of a U.S. armed-forces member who died or was permanently disabled in the line of duty

Application Requirements: Completed FAFSA®, student aid report

Unlike a lot of scholarships on this list, the Tuition and Fee Exemption for Children of Deceased or Disabled Veterans Grant is a grant program funded by the Indiana Department of Education. This program was specifically created for students who both reside and plan to pursue a college degree in the state of Indiana. To maintain eligibility, students must remain enrolled in a degree program at a public university or college. If you qualify for this grant, you will have up to eight years to use the assistance, so you can pause your studies at any time and come back to school later as needed.

17. Redrick Leijon Nicholas Williams Scholarship

Provider : Greater Emmanuel Temple Church

• Los Angeles county resident 
• Black/African American male 

Application Requirements: Transcript, 3 letters of recommendation, essay, video essay

Greater Emmanuel Temple Church, a cornerstone of the local Black community in Los Angeles, created the Redrick Leijon Nicholas Williams Scholarship to support Black men raised by single mothers. The award gets its name from a strong community leader and Greater Emmanuel Temple Church member who worked tirelessly to help his single mother support his four younger siblings. To honor his strength, this award goes to one graduating high school senior each year. You must be entering either a two- or four-year program to qualify. In addition to a written essay, students must submit a 90-second video about their mother, including her sacrifices and the role she played in the applicant’s life. 

18. The Foster Hope Award

Amount: $500

Provider : Foster Hope

• Wisconsin resident
• Enrolled in a college or university 
• Have experienced an adverse life event

Application Requirements: Transcript, 2 letters of recommendation, proof of residency, essay

Originally created for children raised in the foster care system, the Foster Hope Award has been expanded to include all Wisconsin students who have experienced childhood hardship. To win it, you must have experienced an adverse life event — like losing a parent — and be able to write an essay explaining how you’ve demonstrated hope in the face of adversity. Applicants who are a resident of Central Wisconsin or have attended the Royal Family Kids Camp will receive preference during the selection process. You’ll also need to be attending a college or university in-state.  

19. Iraq and Afghanistan Service Grant

Provider : U.S. Department of Education

• Child of a U.S. armed forces member who died during service in Iraq or Afghanistan
• Ineligible for the Pell Grant based on your expected family contribution, but meet all other Pell Grant eligibility requirements 

Application Requirements: Completed FAFSA®, student aid report, proof of U.S. citizenship or legal permanent residency

The Iraq and Afghanistan Service Grant is a grant program funded by the U.S. Department of Education. To be eligible, you must not qualify for the Pell Grant due to your EFC but must meet the other Pell Grant requirements for financial need and U.S. citizenship. The award amount varies each year, but cannot exceed the amount of your tuition. If you qualify, you’re eligible to receive this grant for up to 12 semesters. All you have to do to renew is continue to fill out the FAFSA® each year. 

20. Children of Veterans Tuition Grant

Provider : State of Michigan

• Michigan resident 
• 16 to 26 years old 
• Child of a U.S. armed-forces member who died or was permanently disabled due to service 

The Children of Veterans Tuition Grant is a grant program designed to help Michigan students earn the college degrees of their dreams. To qualify, you must have a parent who is a veteran and who died or was permanently disabled during the course of their service. The award is renewable for up to four years or for $11,200 as long as the recipient maintains an overall GPA of 2.25 or higher. The scholarship amount varies based on financial need as determined by the FAFSA® and your course load, but the maximum for a full-time student is $2,800 per year. 

Get more scholarships delivered to you with Going Merry

Losing a parent — either to death or to personal circumstances — can come with unimaginable grief, not to mention serious financial hardship. That’s especially true if you grew up in a low-income community. Only having one breadwinner can make pursuing a college education more difficult, but it doesn’t have to prevent you from receiving your degree. Thanks to the growing number of scholarship opportunities for children from single-parent homes, financial assistance is within reach. 

If you need help keeping track of application deadlines, making sense of financial aid, or finding other relevant scholarships, Going Merry has you covered. Our intuitive, easy-to-use platform curates awards just for you based on your financial need, personal preferences, and interests.Simplify your scholarship search and application process by signing up for Going Merry today. 

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Research shows how single moms are doing quite well at raising kids all on their own

Conventional  societal norms  insist that the proper development of a child will only happen if they have a mother and father as they grow up. Somehow, the aspect of a single mother raising children on her own has always been subject to social stigma. A study conducted by the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology shared on  ScienceDaily  found that children raised by single mothers had no differences from those raised by heterosexual two-parent families. The only difference they found was that mothers who were single by choice had a stronger social support network.

Mathilde Brewaeys, who works in the Centre of Expertise on Gender Dysphoria at the VU University Medical Centre, Amsterdam, spoke about how social support was a key component for mothers who were single by choice. Most other assumptions about kids growing up without a father arise out of scenarios where the parents have divorced . Brewaeys explained, "The assumption that growing up in a family without a father is not good for the child is based mainly on research into children whose parents are divorced and who thus have experienced parental conflict."

In addition, there is also a stark difference between mothers who become single as a result of divorce and mothers who choose to be single. One is intentional and the other is not. Brewaeys conducted the study by comparing 69 mothers who were single by choice and 59 mothers from heterosexual two-parent families, all of whom had a child between the ages of 1.5 and 6 years. She examined the relationship between the parent and child, the mothers' social support network and the kids' well-being .

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Brewaeys found there were no major differences in kids raised in both family types.  Single mothers differed as they had more social support and also wanted more. This social support could come in many forms, such as family, friends, neighbors or even a nanny . It led her to conclude how important it was for single mothers to have social support. The behavior of the kids was also relatively the same between both types of families. The study concluded that there was no difference between children raised by single mothers and those in heterosexual two-parent families.

One could even say that single mothers form a special bond with their children, seeing as how they are the only parents. A few months back, Avery-who goes by @adorableaves on TikTok-showcased letters between her mother and from a journal that was over a decade old. Her mother, Billie Sue, creatively helped her daughters express their emotions by getting them journals. The first letter contains Avery's annoyance with her sibling and how she found it difficult to be around her.

Sue calmly diffuses the situation, asking her to be respectful and saying that she liked it when the two sisters got along. In another letter, Avery expressed how she wished her parents had not gotten divorced and how they should all be one happy family. Her mom replied, "I have often wished we were together too because I can understand how hard it is to have your mom and dad in different places. Just know that we both love you so much. You truly are the best parts of both of us."