essay about fear of growing up

Keeping Up With Dave!

essay about fear of growing up

MY FEAR OF GROWING UP, MATURITY AND RESPONSIBILITY: AN ESSAY KIND OF RANT

A series of uncoordinated thoughts and unrelated pictures to give this letter life..

essay about fear of growing up

The thing with being self-aware is you realize how much you don’t know yourself – every single day.

I think it’s because we are constantly changing, and our conscious mind is too slow to keep up with the changes that we’re making, or maybe it’s too tired, or too bored.

I'm scared of growing up.

I'm scared that if I grow up and change into a person capable of achieving all I need to achieve, people won’t accept me anymore.

This fear is exacerbated by the fact that it feels like people aren’t accepting me now.

I’m also scared of growing up because I fear it will make me “not fun anymore.”

I want to be fun.

I remember that I’ve always had the childhood fear of being rejected. This is apparently a common fear, but every person – you and I – experiences it differently.

I thought I had gotten over this fear, but apparently, I haven’t.

The question is why am I scared of being rejected. I already know that not everybody will like me.

Intrinsically, I think it comes down to the fact that I want the people I like, admire and accept to like, admire and accept me too.

I don’t know if that makes sense.

My Childhood

essay about fear of growing up

I was not a popular kid. I don’t think I was. I differentiated myself a lot, and I was never concerned with the idea of trying to fit in.

I wasn’t made into an outcast though, in fact when people got to know me they found me amusing and interesting. I was easy to talk to, and in my own way, very funny.

I used to like that about myself. Now, it feels like that person is far away from the person I am now.

So, I guess in a way, I want to get back to being that person.

On Being Smart

essay about fear of growing up

I want to get back to being that Dave who is weird and fun and surprisingly very smart.

I say “surprisingly” because I always did my best to not appear smart as my first impression.

That’s not how it is anymore, intelligence cannot be toned down forever,

But I'm thinking now and I want you to engage in this thought process with me;

Do you realize how people don’t like other people who act ‘smart?’

It’s not that they don’t admire intelligence; they just don’t want to be reminded of their own lack.

This sentence isn’t enough to walk you through my thought process, allow me break it down a little further.

You probably don’t like people who act like they know everything.

That’s because those people are usually proud, pompous, always in their heads and never concerned with the feelings of others.

essay about fear of growing up

But it may even be more than that,

Why is it that most of the time, it is the smart kids who are the ones always bullied, left out and turned into outcasts?

Most of these intelligent kids were just trying to socialize by talking about the things they loved and were genuinely interested in – values we want everyone to have.

Yet they were mocked and rejected for it.

But here is where it even gets deeper:

When other kids see that intelligent kids are being bullied and cast out for being so smart, their thought process goes

Well I shouldn’t be smart either so that I'm not thrown out from the group and left alone. I don’t want to be lonely.

This is the way most people go on living their lives and hiding their full potential just so they can fit in.

They don’t try hard at the things they care about, some don’t even try at all – they do anything to remain a part of the group.

This brings me to this point:

Humans Are Social Animals.

essay about fear of growing up

You and I are social animals.

We need community to survive.

We need people to survive.

And while this doesn’t mean the same thing to everybody, we should accept that at our core, we need the presence of other human beings in order to thrive.

This is why in a way society is important.

People validate us when we can’t validate ourselves.

People accept us when we can't accept ourselves.

People see us.

They understand and love us.

They take us in for who we are, no matter how ugly, and we are happier because of it.

And that’s because we know they can be ugly too.

I think my fear of growing up and being rejected actually makes sense.

Because when you think about growing up, this is the thought process you get into (or at least I got into):

If I became a person who got what they wanted to get in a world where most people talk about their dreams and never put in the work to achieve them, would I be ostracized?

Would I be made into an outcast?

Would people think of me like they think of the heroes, the billionaires and role models we look up to on TV, but in reality never want to hang around?

Would they think of me as intimidating? Someone to stay away from before he gets angry at you for not doing the thing you know you should be doing.

I don’t know.

Maybe, I will.

Maybe I will find a new set of people.

But what if these ones don’t want me either?

These Fears Are Useless

essay about fear of growing up

A close friend once told me that if I continued to focus on how people are/would reject me, then I’ll get into a mental space where I exclude myself from groups and friendships, and then blame it on people for rejecting me.

She had a point.

Adulthood & Maturity

Adults aren’t fun people.

At least most of them aren’t.

And how can they be?

They’re consistently burdened with the responsibility of their selves, their loved ones, their jobs and what other personal obligation they work to fulfill.

It’s really hard to see these people happy.

essay about fear of growing up

Or maybe, they define happiness differently from the way we did when we were kids.

 I don’t know. It’s just a thought.

As a child you love your free time, games, friends, parties.

You become teenagers/young adults and you still love the same thing, but now you can add sex, drugs and alcohol into the mix.

The difference between childhood and maturity is responsibility .

And my god is responsibility scary.

Because it means we will change into people who aren’t fun.

And what are we scared of the most intrinsically?

Not being fun.

Self-sabotage behavior stops us from growing up.

Self-sabotage is when we destroy the effort we put into achieving something with our own hands.

You can see it in relationships, friendships and money.

essay about fear of growing up

Think of a girl who finally gets into the relationship she’s always wanted acting in irrational ways that gets her kicked out of her relationship.

Or a gambling man betting all the money he just won – as high as millions of dollars – knowing subconsciously that he will lose it, and still never stops being a gambler.

Self-sabotage behavior is tied to things unconscious negative associations you may have.

What do I mean?

If you grow up thinking that all rich people are assholes and bad people, then you will always sabotage yourself when you have the opportunity to make big money because you have associated rich people with being bad people.

And you’ve resolved in your mind that you don’t want to be a bad person.

Another example could be if you were constantly excluded as a child, you would begin to think people hate you or come to you only when they want something.

This means that when someone wants to genuinely be your friend you won’t let them because you’ve made the negative association that people are your friends only when they want something.

And when somehow, by some miracle, someone stays to actually be your friend, you project your negative emotions unto them and soon they leave.

You prove yourself right, by acting in ways that make sure that you are right.

It’s a vicious cycle, difficult to break.

Re-defining Happiness

essay about fear of growing up

My point being, at my core, I associate adulthood and taking responsibility as a thing that’s not fun and that does not make you happy.

And guess what?

I want to be fucking happy man.

I want to be happy all day, every day, or at least, on most days.

And the thing is I find happiness in people. I find it in their laughter, in their love, in their solidarity.

If I'm going to be rejected by people, then I'm not going to be happy…

And if I'm not going to be happy, then I don’t want to fucking grow up.

I don’t care about carrying the responsibility of the world on my shoulders.

The world can burn for all I care, as long as I am happy.

This brings me to another thought.

Does this mean I have to re-define happiness?

essay about fear of growing up

When the people I love and care about are happy, I'm happy.

And when they’re not, I'm not.

That’s how it is most of the time.

And I'm sure, in a weird cycle kind of way, when I’m happy, they’re happy too.

So I suppose what I should be thinking of is making myself happy so that they, too, can be happy.

I know that I'm my best self when I'm happy and in a good mood.

This means that if I'm intrinsically happy, I can find ways to make them happy without losing my sense of self.

I can get them to open up to me, to talk to me.

Ideally, it sounds legit.

In the end the question I still have to answer is what do I want for myself?

Figuring Life Out

essay about fear of growing up

Recently a cute girl with full lips made a statement in a judgmental kind of tone, she said, I already have my life figured out.

She made this claim because of my consistency in putting out these letters and my lack of fear on what I’ll do when I graduate.

It irked me a little bit, but I don’t blame her.

She, like I am, is scared of being an adult too.

She’s scared of carrying responsibility.

Hell, we all are.

Why do you think unhappy people are the ones with unplanned pregnancies and forced marriages?

They haven’t fully learned how to take care of themselves and now you're forcing them to take care of another human being?!

Don’t be ridiculous!

Anyway, that’s a story for another day.

My point is, young lady, if somehow you’re reading this, I haven’t had my life figured out yet.

I don’t know what I want from life yet.

I don’t know what I want for myself yet.

And when I figure that out, then maybe, just maybe, you can say that I have my life figured out.

I doubt it though; I’ve read a lot of things those successful people say.

And the most recurring thing they always confess is they’re trying to figure things out, every single day.

Maybe because they, too, are self-aware that they’re constantly changing, and their conscious mind is too slow to keep up with the changes that they’re making, or too tired, or too bored.

I don’t know yet,

What I do know is I’ll talk to you next week,

But until then,

P.S: if you liked this letter, please subscribe

Want to reach out to me? Hit the button below.

essay about fear of growing up

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I Don't Want to Grow Up: What Should I Do About That?

Ariane Resnick, CNC is a mental health writer, certified nutritionist, and wellness author who advocates for accessibility and inclusivity.

essay about fear of growing up

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

essay about fear of growing up

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  • Explanations

When to Be Concerned

How to get help.

If you've ever thought to yourself, "I don't want to grow up," then you're not alone. Let's face it: being an adult can feel like a bit of a disappointment compared to what we pictured the future would be like when we were kids. The burden of adult responsibilities and the restrictions imposed by our realities can make being a grown-up downright unappealing compared to the freedom we imagined we'd have.

Back when we had bedtimes, couldn't choose our clothes, and had our meals decided for us by our parents or caregivers, many of us thought that one day, when we were grown up, everything would be better. We imagined a world where we could eat whatever we wanted, stay up all night playing video games, and watch endless television.

What we didn't picture was getting tired in the middle of the afternoon, being bogged down with responsibilities, and having to eat our veggies to keep our bodies healthy. In addition to these daily inconveniences, it doesn't help that reaching many of the milestones of adulthood is more challenging than ever before. For example, buying a house is much more difficult today than it was for previous generations—especially without help from parents.

At a Glance

If you think growing up sounds like a lousy thing to do, you're far from alone. However, just because many people feel this way doesn't mean it's conducive to a good or functional life. Ahead, we'll examine why a person might feel like they don't want to grow up, then look at some solutions to make being a mature adult a little bit easier.

Reasons Someone Might Not Want to Grow Up

There's no one main reason that any person feels like they don't want to grow up, but there are some commons ones. These are a few examples of why someone may be hesitant to grow up.

A Lack of Good Adult Role Models

Not having solid role models can negatively affect adolescent behavior. By the same token, having good role models can have a positive impact on youth behavior.

If you don't have the opportunity to witness how wonderful life as an adult can be, and you see only negative examples of adulthood, it's understandable that you don't feel great about the idea of growing up.

And while you might not have realized when you were young that you didn't have solid role models, it still may have affected your view of adulthood in important ways.

Adulting Isn't Always Fun

Even if you have a career you love and are passionate about, work can be challenging—and sometimes it just doesn't feel fun. It can also not feel fun to have to schedule your own appointments, to go to the dentist, to work through therapy , or to be a parent yourself and have to take care of others.

The fact that being a grown-up isn't always the great time we all hoped it would be can make a person feel like they just don't want any part in it. This may seem a little silly to those adults who are very responsible and love it, but it's a valid feeling.

We're programmed to seek new experiences, which in turn makes us happier as people —and being an adult, performing the same duties day in and day out can feel pretty repetitive and mundane.

Being Alone Is Scary

As a child, you're rarely by yourself. Parents or caregivers are who you start and end your day in the company of, and in between that you spend your time in school, which is full of peers and teachers.

As an adult, though, you may find yourself completely solitary, especially if you live alone and don't have a social job that involves working much with other people.

Being alone can feel scary, and it can make a person want to revert to younger days, when they were around friends more. It can also be much more challenging to make friends as an adult, or to find other people who also take part in hobbies you enjoy .

Childhood Trauma

Dealing with abuse, neglect, or other childhood trauma can age you before your time. You might not have had good adult role models, but even if you did, trauma can make growing up feel particularly unappealing.

Undergoing childhood trauma at the hands of adults can lead to confusion about the roles adults have in the lives of children, too. Also, children who experience trauma often feel like adults before they're of legal age, so it makes sense they aren't looking forward to adulthood when they do technically get there.

Aging Is Considered Unattractive

Our society is incredibly youth-focused. Twenty-something actors are often cast as parents to teenagers, who are themselves also twenty-something actors.

News outlets share photos of celebrities getting older in a way that age shames them, as if it was a crime to age.

We talk about people being "over the hill" and "put out to pasture" as if older folks have less value than young ones. Who wants to move from a young person to an older one, knowing that? It makes sense that the ageism in our society leads people to not want to grow up.

Fear of Death

A fear of death is called thanatophobia . While it's perfectly normal to have some fear of death or dying, getting preoccupied with the idea can lead you to worry about getting older or growing up.

Everyone will eventually die, but that fact shouldn't affect your life. After all, you're alive right now!

The more you fixate on being afraid to die, the more it might be intimidating to grow up. Growing up is synonymous with getting older, which bring you closer to the eventual inevitability of death.

What to Do When You Don't Want to Grow Up

Now that you understand some of the reasons why a person might not want to grow up, let's look at some action steps that might help give you better feelings about being an adult.

Keep Healthy Elements of Youthfulness

There's no rule book that says you have to give up everything about being young. In fact, members of Gen X, who are in their 40s and 50s now, are notorious for not dressing like adults. Many have tattoos, or colored hair, as well.

You can absolutely continue expressing yourself in the manner that feels best to you, even if you're an adult. Adulthood is about your actions more than it's about your appearance.

So, if your hesitancy of growing up is centered around you not being able to express yourself, you should be aware that as an adult, you get to dictate that yourself—and you can be as youthful as you want to be, while still being responsible and mature.

Focus On the Joyful Parts Of Adulthood

Sure, there are certainly difficult parts of growing up, but there are some pretty amazing ones, too. Getting to stay up late talking with a friend, spontaneously going out for ice cream, or taking yourself out to see live music are just a few examples of things adults can do on their own that kids cannot.

By focusing on the positive parts of adulthood rather than just the negative ones, you can reframe your attitude . And once you do, growing up might not seem all that bad after all!

Attitudes are known for shaping behavior, which means that by choosing to enjoy the happy parts of adulthood, you can bring yourself to take part in even more of them.

Discover the Beauty of Personal Growth

It may feel safe to be a child, but there is so much to be said for how proud you can feel when you experience self-growth.

The quest to be a better person is an unending one, and it can bring you joy. It can also be incredibly rewarding, because by growing as a person yourself, you can also improve the lives of others.

You can choose to grow in ways that directly affect other people, such as choosing to embark on an anti-racism journey . Or you can begin a gratitude practice, keeping tabs about what in your life you're grateful for. If you aren't sure where to start, you can look at self-help books to decide what path feels right for you.

Press Play for Mental Strength Tips

Hosted by therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast shares five mental strength exercises you can do right from your couch (like practicing gratitude). Click below to listen now.

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Sometimes, the desire to not grow up can also be a sign of a more serious problem. If these feelings are accompanied by other symptoms, for example, it might be a sign of a mental health problem such as depression or anxiety. Signs to look for include:

  • Losing interest in things that used to bring you joy
  • Not having the energy or motivation to do anything
  • Withdrawing from friends and family
  • Excess fatigue, changes in appetite, and changes in sleep
  • Avoiding people, places, or situations due to feelings of anxiety or fear

If you are experiencing such symptoms, it is important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling. They can evaluate your symptoms, make a diagnosis, and recommend treatments that can help (which might involve psychotherapy, medication, and/or lifestyle changes).

In some cases, avoiding growing up can take a severe toll on a person's life, relationships, and ability to function. Sometimes referred to as " Peter Pan syndrome ," such tendencies can lead to emotional immaturity and excessive dependence on others.

This can harm relationships and may lead to struggles with substance use and unemployment.

If you are struggling to deal with the expectations and responsibilities of adulthood, there are things you can do to get help. Talking to a mental health professional is a great place to start.

A therapist can work with you to develop coping skills to help you manage the things you find the most stressful about being a grown-up. Instead of avoiding these tasks, you'll be able to tackle them effectively without feeling overly stressed.

Examples of healthy coping strategies that can help you deal with the challenges of being an adult include:

  • Leaning on your social support system
  • Practicing mindfulness meditation
  • Getting regular exercise
  • Utilizing good sleep habits
  • Journaling to cope with stress
  • Using visualization to picture yourself dealing with challenges
  • Developing your time management skills to maintain a regular routine and schedule
  • Using conflict-resolution tactics to handle difficulties in your relationships
  • Maintaining a sense of humor
  • Developing a sense of optimism

Establishing a healthy work-life balance can also be beneficial. Managing the stresses of adulthood is that much harder when it feels like your work life is encroaching on your personal life.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries to separate your work and home life can give you the time and space you need to do things that bring you peace and joy.

Keep in Mind

Growing up can be incredibly daunting. Know that you aren't alone in having difficulties on this topic, and that there are many different avenues you can take to get yourself on the path of becoming a happy adult.

Doing things that help you feel young, focusing on the joyful aspects of adulthood, and staying on a path of self-discovery can help make being a grown-up more joyful. If you're still struggling, talk to a mental health professional about things you can do to manage the stresses of adult life.

Joint Center for Housing Studies of Harvard University. How many young homebuyers get support from their parents and how much of a difference does it make? .

Atif H, Peck L, Connolly M, et al. The impact of role models, mentors, and heroes on academic and social outcomes in adolescents .  Cureus . 2022;14(7):e27349. doi:10.7759/cureus.27349

Heller AS, Shi TC, Ezie CEC, et al. Association between real-world experiential diversity and positive affect relates to hippocampal-striatal functional connectivity .  Nat Neurosci . 2020;23(7):800-804. doi:10.1038/s41593-020-0636-4

Colich NL, Rosen ML, Williams ES, McLaughlin KA. Biological aging in childhood and adolescence following experiences of threat and deprivation: A systematic review and meta-analysis .  Psychol Bull . 2020;146(9):721-764. doi:10.1037/bul0000270

Dimitroff LJ, Sliwoski L, O’Brien S, Nichols LW.  Change your life through journaling--The benefits of journaling for registered nurses .  JNEP . 2016;7(2):p90. doi:10.5430/jnep.v7n2p90 

By Ariane Resnick, CNC Ariane Resnick, CNC is a mental health writer, certified nutritionist, and wellness author who advocates for accessibility and inclusivity.

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A young woman sits on a couch struggling with a phobia of growing up

Why Teens and Young Adults Suffer From a Phobia of Growing Up

Teens and young adults are developing strong phobias around growing up. Fears over climate change, growing wealth inequality, and social isolation exacerbated by the pandemic have contributed to increased anxiety over entering adulthood.

By: Britt Brewer

Clinically Reviewed By: Don Gasparini Ph.D., M.A., CASAC

January 13, 2023

Table of Contents

Peter pan syndrome. Arrested development. These phrases are commonly used to describe young people who seem to have difficulty transitioning into adulthood. But these terms also carry negative baggage with them – painting a picture of a petulant child who refuses to grow up. 

What if the mental state underpinning a reluctance to enter adulthood is far more complex, rooted in genuine fear, and exacerbated by trauma? 

‍ Nearly half of U.S. adults , mostly in their early 20s, still live at home with their parents, numbers we haven’t seen since the Great Depression. The Covid-19 pandemic certainly contributed to this trend. But the larger issue is a collective anxiety roiling a generation of young people saddled by student debt, rising housing costs, and an imminent climate crisis . And it’s not just younger generations who’re doubtful over their future– most U.S. citizens agree that young adults are facing an uphill battle as they grow older.

Several mitigating factors have contributed to a recent uptick in young adults developing a phobia of growing up (like the Covid-19 pandemic and an appearance and age-obsessed social media ) which we’ll cover in a bit. 

What is the phobia of growing up?

A fear of growing up can be characterized by an inability or unwillingness to take on adult responsibilities, and a tendency to resist the transition into adulthood.

Young adults who experience this phobia may find it hard to commit to relationships, struggle with financial responsibility, and often view making long-term plans, or setting goals, as overwhelming. Though this phobia is not officially recognized as a psychiatric disorder, it can have a significant impact on a person’s life and executive functioning.

Although fear of adulting might not have an official diagnosis, an excessive fear of aging, or growing old, is known as gerascophobia. Patients who suffer from gerascophobia see the process of aging as a legitimate threat, and will go to great lengths to slow down, or hide growth. This condition is often a combination of cognitive, behavioral, and physiological elements, and can be intensified by different environmental factors like trauma and sexual abuse.  

It should be noted, however, that phobias about entering adulthood, and taking on adult responsibilities, are in no way symptoms of gerascophobia–a condition concerned with a specific fear around the physical and biological act of aging. 

It’s unclear if gerascophobia is anecdotally on the rise , or if it’s just being discussed more in recent years. There’s a distinct possibility people are becoming more aware of gerascophobia due to increased social media and internet usage, which may lead to more people seeking help for their fear.

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What makes an adult an adult.

The definition of adulthood varies from person-to-person and culture-to-culture. For the purposes of this article, we’ll define the period of the adult transition that occurs between the ages of 18-29 as “emerging adulthood” – a term coined by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, Ph.D. from Clark University.

Arnett argues that the three biggest qualifiers for establishing an adult identity are: 

  • Accepting responsibility for yourself
  • Ability to make independent decisions
  • Becoming financially independent

Those might sound like “normal” signifiers to older generations. But today’s young adults suffer more from social isolation , depression , and anxiety than others that came before them. These conditions can often make managing daily decisions difficult, let alone goal-setting for the future. 

If living day-to-day is a constant struggle for sufferers of depression and anxiety, then entering adulthood can feel like an impossible challenge. 

The pandemic’s impact on the phobia of growing up

The Covid-19 pandemic exacerbated existing mental health issues among teens and young adults – an age group whose rates of depression and anxiety were already high even before the pandemic, according to a recent Surgeon General’s report .

Studies have cited different reasons for this upward trend in reportage of depression and anxiety amongst young people. One rationale has to do with more discussions around mental health in the media, schools, and at home. However, a willingness to talk more openly about mental health is one small part of the story of the ongoing crisis. Other contributing factors are increased academic pressures, and an over reliance on digital media over real-life peer-to-peer interactions, which can lead to greater isolation.

The pandemic’s massive fatality rates, alongside the constant drumbeat of death in the news, ratcheted up pre-existing anxieties, more specifically death anxieties (defined by The North American Nursing Diagnosis Association as a feeling of being unsafe, or having a fear related to death or near-death). Additionally, separation anxiety in kids and young adults ballooned once schools reopened , and/or when parents or caretakers went back to work. The safe harbor of home in the midst of a global pandemic was threatened by this dramatic shift in routine – and many young people were afraid to leave their parents, or even their domiciles. 

And if kids and teens experienced high levels of separation anxiety when leaving home, they most certainly faced social anxiety when reentering in-person schooling after mostly interacting with peers over Zoom.  

An even more troubling statistic concerns the increased incidents of child and domestic abuse during the pandemic. Childhood trauma can lead to the development of unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as avoidance, denial, fawning , and escapism, which can further contribute to an individual’s inability to fully take on adult responsibilities.

Yes, depression and anxiety can cause those who suffer from them to have a gloomy outlook of the future, and even fear what’s to come. But that’s not the only reason young adults resist, or feel ill-equipped, to enter adulthood. Depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders inhibit the kind of thought and action necessary for gaining independence and responsibility –two key tenets of emerging adulthood. 

A mother comforts her son who is afraid of growing up and leaving home

Social media effect and the phobia of growing up

It’s no secret that social media can be detrimental to growth and development. The negative effects of social media on kids, teens, and young adults has been widely documented – with reports correlating sleep disruption, ADHD, cyberbullying, and increased anxiety to high rates of social media usage.

Not only that, but social media can contribute to a “culture of comparison,” wherein young adults become increasingly obsessed with self-image, and often develop a preoccupation with youth and impossible beauty standards. This unhealthy obsession can curdle into mental and emotional distress, with drastic repercussions like higher rates of suicide and suicide ideation. 

Another striking data point is young people’s decreased satisfaction with life in general due to social media.

‍ A recent study reported that during early adolescence, heavy use of social media predicted lower life-satisfaction ratings in the subsequent year. Not only that, but increased usage of social media also can affect brain development in adolescents . 

teen looking outside worried because of his fear of the outdoors

Phobias 101

Alex Bachert, MPH

The culmination of these factors and distressers cannot be ignored, and likely are a major reason for young people’s increasingly dim outlook of their future. However, social media is here for the time being, so countering its negative effects is now more important than ever. 

If you’re a parent or caretaker, there are different methods of mediation to allay the negative effects of  social media – like limiting screen time, or having frank discussions with a young person you believe is being negatively impacted.

When it comes to this issue, there’s no magic pill solution – the process often relies on trial and error to find what’s best for the teen or young adult in your life. 

How Charlie Health can help 

Are you a young person struggling with a phobia of entering adulthood? Or, are you coping with distressing thoughts about taking on adult responsibilities? If so, Charlie Health may be able to help you.

Our personalized intensive outpatient program provides mental health treatment for teens, young adults, and families dealing with a variety of struggles, including phobias around emerging adulthood. In our program, you will be matched with a trauma-informed therapist who meets your specific needs, and connected with a group of peers from similar backgrounds who face similar struggles to help you remember you are not alone. 

Coping with trauma can be very difficult, but with trauma-informed care and a supportive community, you can push forward, grow, and even thrive after trauma. Help is here now. We’re available 24/7 to get you started on your healing journey. 

https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/sad-depression-affects-ability-think-201605069551&sa=D&source=docs&ust=1673494333284041&usg=AOvVaw1mU_tKJwyZNnAgCXqXITv8

https://www.chla.org/blog/adolescent-and-young-adult-medicine/how-help-teens-the-negative-impacts-social-media

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List of Phobias: Common Fears and Symptoms

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Focus on the Family

Why do Children Have the Fear of Growing Up?

Fear of growing up

In the face of the fear of growing up, we can help to bring hope, excitement, and victory back into our kids’ lives. God’s word is full of wisdom, and we must not take it for granted.

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes

Growing up is a part of life. It’s a progression and yet, kids find themselves afraid of the very thing they desire—freedom. I’ve asked adults and older kids what they fear the most about growing up. And I concluded there are two things we all have in common— the fear of failure and insecurities .

These days most kids I’ve talked to who are entering their senior year in high school are concerned because they don’t feel equipped for adulthood.

Furthermore, once they graduate high school, many don’t have a good direction of what they want in their lives . And it’s alarming that they stay in this mindset longer than they should.

Table of contents

Understanding the fear of growing up, “is it worth it”, fear of being alone.

Since I didn’t go to college immediately after high school, I moved out when I was 18 years old and found a job. I couldn’t allow myself to stay at home comfortably while I figured out my life. So, I resisted the temptation to stay home. Little did I know that getting a job at a bank was going to turn into a career.

The expectation was to be independent and self‐sufficient—to be responsible was admirable and I wanted to prove to my family that I could take care of myself. I remember thinking that failure was not an option. Was I afraid of failing? Did I feel insecure? Absolutely! More times than I’m willing to admit.

However, I wanted to persevere and become self‐sufficient and independent. I wasn’t the only one who had this kind of mindset. My friends did the same thing. Either they went to college, or they moved out and got a full‐time job to support themselves.

I am certain they were afraid too, but the fear didn’t cripple us—it motivated us. Unfortunately, our kids today often struggle with motivation. Rather, they feel hopeless or defeated , and this fuels the fear of growing up.

What Fuels the Fear of Growing Up?

My 22‐year‐old son is in college and works part‐time. One day he asked me, “Mom, what if my hard work doesn’t pay off and I fail?” Naturally, when things feel extremely tough and we want to give up because we are not seeing the immediate benefit of our hard work, doubt enters our mind . We begin to question if this is even worth it.

Fortunately, my son experienced challenges in his childhood.  This allowed me to remind him of other times in his life when things were tough. He didn’t give up then, and he was able to experience victory. This motivated him to keep on going and to persevere.

If we make things too easy for our kids while they are young, we rob them of the opportunity to develop character and integrity. I’m reminded of Galatians 6:9 , “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season, we will reap, if we do not give up.” Sometimes it takes a while for us to enjoy the fruit of our labor.

It’s interesting that as much as we are connected to people in different parts of the world, we are more afraid of being alone today. Our kids have so many friends and followers on their social media accounts, yet they feel lonely . Unfortunately, this contributes to their fear of growing up.

Could it be that our society has focused more on the quantity rather than the quality of our relationships? I believe it’s important to teach our kids authenticity and the difference between friends, family, and acquaintances. This allows them to effectively guard their hearts.

We need to ask God to give our kids discernment and wisdom. It is a good idea for us to ask God for the same things as well. Proverbs 27:6 says , “Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” Kids frown upon being alone. In their minds, a sign of acceptance is having many friends or being in a dating relationship.  

Instead, we know it is in our alone time that we learn about ourselves. Alone with God and meditating on His words allow us to connect with Him. We need to remind our kids of this and to explain this to them. Of course, the best way we can teach our kids this is to live it ourselves.

Preparing our Kids to Confront the Fear of Growing Up

Below are some of the ways we can prepare our kids for the path that God has in their lives, especially when they fear growing of up.

Suffering can be good. Allow our kids to suffer the consequences of their actions. We can’t always save them from the pain of bad choices. The consequences are smaller in their younger years. Over time they will learn that for every decision they make there is a consequence—good or bad.

As they grow up, they will learn to think before they act and hopefully make better choices or hopefully avoid negative consequences that last a lifetime. Romans 5:3‐4 says that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.

Basic life skills . We need to teach our kids decision‐making, problem‐solving, and coping with stress. These are learned over time. These skills are critical because we know as adults that we use them daily. I can understand the fear if they don’t have these skill sets.

Practicality, this looks like allowing them to process their thoughts so they can learn how to solve a problem. We guide them through it and explain why this decision is better than the other. Next, we help them discern the difference between what they are feeling and what is the truth. Ultimately, we teach them how to have emotional intelligence .

It is equally important that we teach them how to manage their money and to give to others in need. Additionally, many people don’t have a budget; therefore, they don’t know what is coming in and how much is going out. Without a budget, we can find ourselves in a place we didn’t intend to be which can lead to unnecessary stress or the fear of growing up.

Remind our kids that they are created for God’s purpose. They’re not here to impress the world or others. Whatever you are doing, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ ( Colossians 3:23‐24 ). When we fully understand this passage, the burden of trying to meet everyone’s expectations is lifted, because we know we only need to please God.

In the face of the fear of growing up, we can help to bring hope, excitement, and victory back into our kids’ lives . God’s word is full of wisdom, and we must not take it for granted. It is there for us to share with our kids so they can see that the God we worship is bigger than our fears and challenges. We don’t walk alone in this world when we surrender our lives to Him—He is our guide when we belong to Him.

© 2022 Maria Miller, Used by Permission. All rights reserved

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About the Author

Maria Miller

Maria Miller

Maria Miller was born in Manila, Philippines, and lived there until she was 10 years old. She lived in Japan for another five years before she finally settled in Colorado Springs, Colorado. She has been married to Jon Miller for 23 years and has children from 18 to 24 years of age. Maria is currently a portfolio manager for a bank and has been in banking for 26 years.

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  • v.2014; 2014

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Severe Growing-Up Phobia, a Condition Explained in a 14-Year-Old Boy

Laurencia perales-blum.

Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León, Francisco I. Madero Avenue W and Gonzalitos Avenue, 64460 Monterrey, NL, Mexico

Myrthala Juárez-Treviño

Daniela escobedo-belloc.

We present the clinical case of a 14-year-old boy with gerascophobia or an excessive fear of aging, who felt his body development as a threat, to the point where he took extreme measures to stop or otherwise hide growth. He had a history of separation anxiety, sexual abuse, and suffering bullying. He presented with anxious and depressive symptoms and food restriction, criticized his body image, had negative feelings towards the maturation process, suffered at the thought of being rejected, and was preoccupied with certain physical characteristics. We conducted an analysis of biological, psychological, and environmental factors and their possible interactions and established treatment with psychotherapy and fluoxetine. Because of the favorable results, this approach could be considered a good option in such cases.

1. Introduction

Gerascophobia is a fear of growing or aging [ 1 ]. Fear is an unpleasant emotion that occurs in response to a source of danger, whether real or imaginary, and has cognitive, behavioral, and physiological components [ 2 ]. It can also develop from the displacement of an emotion that arises from another environmental stressor (e.g., sexual abuse) [ 3 ].

The origin of phobias is multifactorial. It is caused by interactions between biological, psychological, and social/environmental factors. With regard to biology, children with an inhibited temperament who show apprehensive, hesitant, or distress reactions to new stimuli have a greater risk of developing clinical problems of anxiety [ 4 , 5 ]. Psychologically, people with anxiety pay more attention to threat-related stimuli and have cognitive distortions that are consistent with anxiety [ 6 ]. Regarding environmental/social factors, it has been found that overprotective or very critical parents contribute to the development of anxiety [ 7 ]. Children can also learn to respond with fear through direct negative experiences [ 8 ].

2. Case Presentation

The patient is a 14-year-old adolescent whose problem started two and a half years ago due to an excessive fear of growing. He does not eat much because according to his own research food contains nutrients needed for physical development; in addition, he adopted a stooped posture to hide his height and began to distort his voice, using lower volume and higher pitch than usual, and he has also been searching the Internet to learn how not to ejaculate. He is greatly concerned with the development of secondary sexual characteristics. Every time he notices a physical change that indicates that he is growing, he feels fear and anxiety, to the point that has considered undergoing multiple surgeries to hide it. If people tell him that he is taller or older, he becomes extremely upset and cries. Due to the restriction in food intake, he has a weight loss of more than 12 kg. He is currently in the 25th percentile, according to the BMI for his age; however, he does not perceive any alterations in body image. Other discrepancies with regard to his physical appearance also coexist; he has Latin American features but his ideal of beauty is that of a Caucasian, “like Hollywood stars,” according to his own definition. He admires everything related to the United States. He has never been there but has plenty of information collected through the media. Although he believes that this fear is grossly excessive, he argues that the expectations that adults face are excessive: getting a partner, being independent, and having more responsibility and financial solvency. He also believes that once he reaches that age, he is more likely to get sick and die, all of which are very overwhelming.

Due to this problem, two years ago he consulted with a psychologist who treated this intense anxiety with cognitive behavioral therapy, gradually exposing him to the feared stimuli and using relaxation techniques; however, desensitization/habituation when facing his fears was not possible. After a year of 2-3 sessions per week his therapist together with his parents decided to refer him to our institution to continue his therapy, since it has a specialized area for treating adolescents and children.

With regard to his medical history, at age 5, he was diagnosed with separation anxiety disorder, for which he received psychotherapy once a week for a few months. The results were good and he achieved total remission. At age 6, he was sexually abused. A neighbor, 16 years of age, made him look at and touch his genitals and the neighbor also touched the patient. The parents noticed an emotional change in their child with a greater tendency to cry and later he also avoided going over to play with the neighbor's brother, who was his age, but it was not until he started treatment with the psychologist two years ago that he was able to talk about the sexual abuse he received during his childhood. He does not remember how long this went on, but he did recognize that the incident was repetitive. In sixth grade, he was a frequent victim of bullying (2-3 times a week). As for his family, his mother is an anxious person with dependent characteristics, while his father is rigid and often makes comments in a tone that the child sees as judging.

The rest of his development was normal. His mother had a normal pregnancy, planned and desired, with adequate prenatal care. There were no peri- or postnatal complications. The child was born at term by vaginal delivery with a birth weight of 3,950 g. He was discharged the next day with his mother and was breast-fed for 1 year and was weaned at 6 months. In the first months of life, he is described as calm. He was always under the care of his mother, who devoted all her time to the home. Psychomotor development was as expected: he sat at 6 months of age and walked and said his first words when he was 1 year old. The mother denies problems in movement coordination. He was toilet trained at the age of 2 years and 1 year later he also had nocturnal control. He slept with his parents until the age of 4 and in the same room until he was 6.

On arrival, the Birleson Depression Scale [ 9 ] was applied and the child had a score below the cutoff; the Anorectic Behavior Observation Scale (ABOS) [ 10 ] screening was positive; on the Body Shape Questionnaire (BSQ) [ 11 , 12 ], a mild body image dissatisfaction was detected; a very high fear of maturity and interpersonal distrust (both in the 95th percentile) were identified in the Eating Disorder Inventory (EDI) [ 13 , 14 ]. Accordingly, he had a significantly higher score in anxiety (4.6) and avoidance (3.5) in the Attachment Scale. On the Rorschach test, an elevated Armstrong and Loewenstein Trauma Content Index [ 15 ] and Perry and Viglione Critical Content [ 16 ] were found.

Regarding parental attitudes towards the problem, excessive care was provided by the mother, responding to changes in the patient's behavior with an attitude that corresponded to that of a much younger child: she would sing lullabies so he could sleep, chose the clothes that he would wear each day, combed his hair, and answered the questions that he was asked, not giving him the chance to answer. During consultations, she would cry when talking about the problems they faced as a family and openly expressed her despair and feeling that this was something that could not be fixed.

The father was angry with this scenario. He believed that his son was doing this to annoy or to get back at him for having been away such a long time due to his work. He tried to solve the problem by putting corrective posture belts on him and squeezing the curvature area tightly with his hands. The parent-child conflicts were constant until both chose to maintain a greater distance, further reducing communication. They even went so far as to avoid being in the same room.

As for treatment, since arrival at the institution and to date, psychotherapy has been provided. For one month and a half a crisis intervention model was used, attending with a frequency of 2-3 times per week. Retrospectively, a mentalization-based [ 17 ] approach has been used that has continued to this day with 50-minute sessions once a week.

From the beginning, the therapeutic alliance was prioritized because it is within a safe relational context where people can think, feel, and talk about traumatic events and thus reduce dissociative strategies; cognitive affect-regulation strategies identifying and naming emotions, being able to tolerate those which are dysphoric and favoring the pleasant ones have been modeled; the patient's affections have been validated, empathizing with him; situations are clarified, developing thoughts/feelings; feelings are related to the circumstances and emotions/reactions of others; exercises where he could practice the process of “reading minds”, which means perceiving and interpreting human behavior, considering mental states (Mentalization). Thus, an autobiographical narrative has been built where the meaning of mental states may reflect and explore past and present issues. Now the young man has a greater ability to understand that his reactions are based on something, which is the result of what happens to us in relation to others.

He was trained to know that what people think/feel is not obvious and other people may not know how he feels.

Fluoxetine 20 mg/day was started, increasing the dose to 40 mg/day after 6 weeks, obtaining an improvement of symptoms. He is currently seen with an upright posture and a natural tone of voice with no problems detected in his eating pattern. He has recovered 6 kg of weight; the ABOS scale is below the cut-off point for eating disorders. Mild body dissatisfaction persists in the BSQ and in the EDI great improvement is observed in almost all areas (obsession for thinness, body dissatisfaction, perfectionism, interpersonal distrust, and interoceptive awareness), except fear of maturity. The most obvious difference is in interpersonal distrust, which is currently in the 50th percentile. He attends school and has good performance. He has friends and participates in extracurricular activities (English classes). He does not show anxiety due to the presence of body hair or when he wears clothes that correspond to his age. He is able to imagine the future, living on his own and working as an actor, and this is an idea he likes; however, he continues to express a fear of commitment and responsibilities that he feels will be required of him in adult life.

Because the parents were overwhelmed and were not able to contain the patient, they were suggested to enter the family-to-family [ 18 ] course created by Dr. Joyce Bourland, founder of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, and they accepted this recommendation. This course is led and taught by trained family members of people living with mental illness and addresses biological/physical, psychological/emotional, and social/occupational aspects. The parents and the sister attended the 12 sessions, which are held once a week and have duration of 2.5 hours each.

Here, issues such as psychosocial disabilities and brain function are addressed; problem-solving skills and dealing with crises and relapses are learned; rehabilitation, expressing emotions at home, empathy, and techniques to improve communication are also covered, as well as WHO recommendations for addressing mental illness. At the end, his good performance/understanding was clearly seen; therefore, they were offered to be instructors of this movement.

Also, systemic family therapy was simultaneously carried out, lasting 60 minutes, once a week, for a total of 12 sessions. Therapy was aimed at improving family functioning, increasing the understanding and support among its members, unfocalizing the symptomatic patient, and increasing the skills of problem solving and coping techniques. Emphasis was placed on the strengths that the family has and the interactions that occur between its members. The mother tended to infantilize the patient, while the father tried to get away from him.

3. Discussion

Few cases of gerascophobia have been reported. We conducted various electronic searches and found only one article where two similar cases of fear of aging (in adults) are reported. These were conceptualized as “Dorian Gray syndrome,” characterized by dysmorphic-body symptoms, social phobia, and denial of the personality structure process toward maturity given by a reductionist view where too much emphasis is placed on the outward appearance. In the two patients mentioned, treatment was carried out by seeking to establish a climate of trust in the doctor-patient relationship and psychodynamic mediation was also done. The authors recommend intensive psychotherapy and, if necessary, the use of antidepressants and/or antipsychotics [ 19 ]. These cases have in common with our case the presence of anxiety, depression, self-criticism of body image, refusal to process maturation, grief at the thought of being rejected (related to attachment anxiety), and concern for their hair; however, in the “Dorian Gray Syndrome” the lack of hair is the concern, while in this case it was its appearance.

This patient showed an atypical eating behavior, although he did not meet criteria for an eating disorder, a finding that occurs in teenagers with difficulty in adjusting to the physical changes they are experiencing, which leads them to develop behaviors that produce a health risk. A history of sexual abuse is also common in young people with eating behavior problems. This could be a coping mechanism used to face a complex posttraumatic stress disorder or atypical depression [ 20 ]. In a study of 208 adolescent patients who were admitted to a psychiatric hospital, a subdiagnosis of significant concern with their weight and body image was found, although they did not meet the criteria for body dysmorphic disorder. Of the adolescents with these concerns, 22% had high scores of posttraumatic stress, dissociation, and worry or stress about sexuality. This group also shared high levels of anxiety, depression, and suicidality with the group suffering from dysmorphic disorder and eating disorder [ 21 ].

Specific phobia, such as gerascophobia, has a prevalence of 4–6%. It has been stated that several limbic structures contribute to the generation of this condition: the amygdala, the septum-hippocampus, and the hypothalamus-brain stem. These form part of a system that organizes the reactions to danger. Phobias and posttraumatic stress disorder are aspects of fear that could be considered conditioned. They involve processing discrete stimuli that can be considered a danger resulting in an exaggerated response. However, it is unusual to find a direct association between the catastrophic event and the phobic object [ 22 ]. This contrasts with the case described here, where the fear of developing physically could be attributed to a signal related to a danger of sexual abuse.

Trauma can be defined as an event that prevents the organization and storage of the experience at an explicit, reflective, and symbolic level. Instead, it is organized in intense emotional states and feelings that have no linguistic components. This dissociation is a fundamental part of the traumatic experience [ 23 ]. In the Rorschach test, elevated levels associated with posttraumatic stress and dissociative symptoms were found. In our patient, they reflect his concern and dissatisfaction with body image and the threat he experiences to his physical integrity.

Sexual abuse contributes to the development of anxiety disorders (such as phobias) because the victim develops a belief that the world is a dangerous place, where he/she has little control over what happens. In fact, greater prevalence of anxiety problems in people with a history of abuse has been seen [ 24 , 25 ]. This explains why this boy had such a high score in the interpersonal distrust subscale of the EDI. One should also consider the fact that sexual abuse sensitizes the victim to the effects of subsequent traumatic exposures, which illustrates why the patient developed the fear to grow after bullying at school. Such awareness can be justified by the neural changes that stressful life events during childhood generate in the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal system, resulting in a persistent elevation of corticotropin releasing factor. The origins of the biological alterations that predispose to PTSD are not clear, but there is evidence that caregivers help modulate cortisol levels, a fact that supports the hypothesis that a lack of emotional availability generates a stress response in the child that in turn could trigger dysregulation that results in a greater risk for developing PTSD. It has even been postulated that early attachment experiences may be determinants of gene expression [ 23 ].

In adolescence, attachment insecurity, especially anxiousness, is a factor that determines the relationship between the various traumatic experiences of childhood, the onset of eating symptoms, and the impact that the media has on the development of body dissatisfaction [ 26 – 28 ]. The effect of attachment insecurity depends, at least in part, on the implicated affective-cognitive regulation strategies [ 29 ]. Furthermore, sexual abuse contributes to a feeling of shame and inadequacy and of incompetence and negative self-assessment [ 30 ].

Some hypothesize that an anxious temperament is a risk factor that predisposes to feeding problems, likely due to functional abnormalities in the limbic structures involved. Children with an inhibited temperament are very likely to have a highly reactive amygdala, which confers risk for developing separation anxiety disorder and social phobia. They are also more reactive to the expressions of signals that indicate internal states [ 23 ], which justifies why the patient was very likely to develop psychopathological symptoms when feeling rejected by peers. Feeding problems also reflect certain personality traits: cognitive restraint, resistance to change, rigidity, and tendency to obsessions [ 31 ]. The teenager described here has strong resistance and fear of body and social changes that accompany growth.

The body image is composed of a cognitive-affective component, one behavioral component, and one perceptual component. Within the behavioral component, the strategies are control and avoidance. When there is sexual abuse, the body may be associated with certain aspects of trauma and therefore develop avoidance of some body aspects [ 32 ], which is why this boy, unconsciously, seeks to prevent sexual maturation. Furthermore, in vulnerable individuals, having to leave their family to find their own niche and face emotional and sexual intimacy increases the feeling of a lack of control, which is a contributing factor to the fact that this boy refuses to grow [ 33 ]. He feels that the requirements of adult life are overwhelming; they are too complex.

Sexual abuse in addition to increasing the risk of posttraumatic stress disorder also increases twofold the risk of developing an eating disorder, without altering the perceptual component (as in anorexia). Our patient sees himself as a thin person, but he has body dissatisfaction, which is common in patients who have been victims of abuse [ 32 ]. It is believed that body dissatisfaction may be the factor that concatenates sexual abuse and feeding problems. Sexual abuse has a significant and lasting impact on identity, body image, self-regulation, and interpersonal function [ 28 ].

It was decided to use a mentalization-based therapy because, in victims of traumatic events, the capacity that enables them to make sense of their own and others' experiences [ 33 ] is inhibited [ 34 ]. Mentalization refers to the representational process where emotions/impulses are transformed into symbolic elements. This elaboration of the inner world and therefore of reflective capacity is a determinate factor to tolerate negative emotions and thus this factor prevents a discharge through an impulsive, excessive, or inappropriate behavior. It can be considered that there is a poor mentalization ability when the patient has a state of concreteness (in this case, the attempt to stop physical growth), without a greater reflective ability [ 35 ]. It is known that when a traumatic event occurs, the person's sense of basic security and his/her relationships with others are lost; distrust in the skills to face the future is generated and there is a loss in the ability to conceive mental states, particularly when intense emotional states are experienced, even to the point of conceiving that all that exists is the physical world. This creates a lack of flexibility that is known as psychic equivalence, where thoughts are perceived as reality. This prevents perceiving other perspectives. The ability to interact with others at a mental level is replaced by attempts to alter thoughts/feelings through action [ 36 ]. Phobias may be related to internal experiences, such as thoughts/feelings/fantasies/sensations. These are not based solely on fear but are also the result of negative predictions that are conditioned. Traumatized individuals come to avoid aspects of their normal lives, evading taking healthy risks, changes, or intimacy. It is common for them to have high prevalence of apprehension, due to a deficit in affect-regulation skills, and mentalization. This can be considered a defensive dissociative mechanism that is directed at intolerable feelings and experiences of trauma, preventing its meaning being understood. Thus, the previously neutral stimuli come to evoke in a sensorimotor manner the traumatic event with a great emotional burden. A verbal or conscious access to this memory is not possible; it is only evoked when there is a trigger. With the increase in mentalization/symbolization, traumatic memories are converted into narrative memories, ensuring their understanding and integration into the autobiographical memory [ 37 ].

Finally, it is important to provide adequate treatment to parents, who in response to trauma can cause the adolescent to have difficulty setting goals, ideas, and values, which are necessary to give a sense of continuity and cohesion [ 38 ].

4. Conclusion

In this case, biological (anxiety problems at an early age), psychological (interpersonal distrust), and environmental (exposure to trauma) risk factors were detected, which converged to result in an excessive fear of growing. Most mental problems rarely have a single cause, but a chain of events that involves genetic, environmental, social, and biological risk factors [ 28 ]. Because in the above process psychotherapy based on mentalization, attachment theoretical framework, and fluoxetine worked favorably, this could be considered a suitable strategy for similar symptoms.

Conflict of Interests

The authors declare that there is no conflict of interests regarding the publication of this paper.

A Conscious Rethink

11 Ways To Ease Adulting Anxiety And Beat The Fear Of Growing Up

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young woman experiencing adulting anxiety

Let’s face it: “adulting” can be excruciating at times.

There’s work and family obligations, household chores, a seemingly endless array of bills, and nowhere near enough time to sleep.

One day, we’re carefree kids playing with friends during summer holidays, and the next we’re trying to figure out why our knees are making those weird sounds.

Sure, adulthood brings certain freedoms that we didn’t have when we were living with our families, but many people get seriously anxious about adulting in general.

Why is that? And how can one get over the fear of growing up? That’s what this article will aim to answer.

Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you get over your fear of growing up. You may want to try speaking to one via BetterHelp.com for quality care at its most convenient.

What is adulting anxiety?

In basic terms, adulting anxiety is the feeling of fear and worry stemming from one’s coming of age and the transition from childhood to a life of responsibility and obligation. In other words, it is the fear of growing up.

The belief that one can’t handle adulthood often accompanies adulting anxiety. A person may feel overwhelmed by the reality of becoming an adult and all the additional pressure that heaps on your shoulders.

What causes it?

Fear of failure..

The number one cause of adulting anxiety is the fear of getting something wrong, or of being a failure in a broader sense.

When you’re an adult, you’re expected to be able to fend for yourself. This means maintaining gainful employment so you can support yourself and take care of your family if you have one.

But what if you can’t get a job—the job market isn’t kind to everyone and it can take a long time to find any work, let alone work that you’d like to do.

And even when you do find a job, if you do poorly at it, you risk getting fired. The spiraling thoughts that start with that possibility don’t end well…

If you lose your job, you won’t have money. Not having money means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or mortgage, or buy food. The next steps after that include destitution, homelessness, and likely illness—both for you and your loved ones. All that’s left after that is death, which is inevitable for everyone, but we’ll touch upon that more later.

The desire to remain care- and worry-free.

Children don’t have massive weights of worry on their little shoulders: that’s what their parents deal with in order to keep the littles healthy and carefree.

When kids are aware of the crushing responsibilities that come with adulthood, they “grow up too fast” and may suffer from panic and depressive issues.

When they reach adulthood, the training wheels and kid brakes come off. Now, they have accountability and responsibilities of their own, and many people don’t like that at all.

As a result, many don’t want to grow up and will go to great lengths to avoid doing so. Some might self-sabotage in school or work so as to remain in a state of arrested development. After all, adulting is hard.

If their parents are still alive, they might try to stay at home as long as possible. That way, they can continue to spend their time playing games and hanging out with friends, and—most importantly—they can continue to be cared for by their parents .

Abdication of personal responsibility.

That last factor mentioned above is often the biggest draw, because it alleviates the weight of adult responsibility. If other people are responsible for them and their wellbeing, then if everything goes to hell in their lives, it’s someone else’s fault: not theirs.

As a result, they won’t have to deal with the stress that comes with the consequences of their actions (or lack thereof). Some people even expect their families to help raise their children if they don’t want to step up to the plate and take responsibility for the results of their own procreation. If and when the kids don’t turn out the way they liked, then that becomes someone else’s fault too.

Fear of dying.

To grow up means that one is aging, which is associated with old age and death. Many people seem to feel that if they cling to their youth by any means possible, then they’ll somehow stay young forever and cheat the Reaper.

Obviously, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Death can happen at any time, and behaving like you’re still a teenager isn’t a magical elixir against imminent mortality.

Some people are scared to grow up because they are terrified of dying. They try to avoid the mere thought of dying through orthorexic eating, surgery, and so on, but that’s all superficial.

How to overcome a fear of growing up.

Like all other fear-related issues, the best way to diffuse (and thus eliminate) the fear is to recognize where it’s springing from—the root source, if you will. Much like a disease, you wouldn’t treat the symptoms without trying to discern what’s causing the problem to begin with.

With that said, here are some things that will broadly help most people who suffer from adulting anxiety.

It is a good idea to seek professional help from one of the therapists at BetterHelp.com as professional therapy can be highly effective in helping you to work through your adulting anxiety

1. Look at the shinier side of the coin.

Many people who try to avoid adulting at all costs focus on the downsides and detriments to adulthood, rather than the benefits. If you’re dealing with adulting anxiety, then turn your attention to all the plus points that come with being of the age of majority.

First off, you are now a completely sovereign human being. Were you ever held back from doing things you wanted to do at your parents’ place because of the “my house, my rules” idea? Well, when you live on your own, you make your own rules. You don’t need to ask permission to order pizza at 5am on a Wednesday or have several people over for some late-night frolics.

As long as you’re not doing anything illegal, you’re quite free to live life on your own terms. Dress how you like, get tattoos and piercings, and date whoever makes you happiest. You don’t have to justify your choices to your family, nor do you require their permission or blessing to do anything anymore.

Your life: your rules.

This is especially important to remember when and if someone tries to guilt or manipulate you by informing you that you need to “take responsibility” for one thing or another. It’s important to look behind their words to their motivations if and when they pull this on you. Are they trying to get you to do something for them? Or shift you into a direction that you don’t want to take?

Whenever it comes to a responsibility or obligation, determine how you’ll benefit from it in turn. Think of it like an investment or a reward. If you take responsibility for cooking a meal, you’ll have tasty food to enjoy and share with others. But if you’re being asked to do manual labor for someone, what’s in it for you? Has there been an agreement regarding monetary compensation? Or are they just trying to get free labor out of you?

You have a set number of minutes to live, so choose how you spend your time wisely. Don’t let people try to force you into doing things you don’t want to do. You are the ruler of your own life and destiny, so take the reins and move in the direction of your own choosing.

2. Recognize that there is leeway as far as obligations go.

There will be some areas in which you have to take responsibility for things, but in many other cases, you can choose which responsibilities you take on. This will depend a lot on factors like income and living situation, but there are usually options other than taking everything on yourself.

If you live alone, you may have to do a great deal by yourself simply because there’s no one else to do it for you. That said, if you’re making decent money, you can delegate and outsource a bit. You can pay a cleaning company to come in a couple of times a month, or sign up with a meal service to drop pre-prepared dishes at your place a few times a week.

If you have a shared living situation—with housemates or a partner—you can divide up domestic work to suit everyone’s individual strengths. As an example, if one person loves to cook and another is a clean freak, then the former can take point on meal prep while the other does a lot of the tidying.

3. Practice doing easy adult-y things (and make them fun!).

This tip works well whether you’re still young and living at home or older and trying to regroup from a bout of paralyzing existential angst.

Yes, being an adult is hard at times, and there are a number of things we *have* to do in order to stay alive and reasonably functional. These include bathing, keeping our clothes relatively clean, and feeding ourselves. Since these are necessities that will have to be done by us, the best thing we can do is try to see them less as “chores,” and more like opportunities.

Basically, change the dialog from “I HAVE to do X” to “I have the OPPORTUNITY to do X.”

Make bathing and self-care more pleasurable by using products that you love. Spend a bit of extra money on body wash or shampoo that makes you feel amazing.

Do you hate doing laundry? Analyze why. Is it because you feel like it’s a waste of time? You could be doing something else you love instead? That’s not an excuse if you have your own washer/dryer, but is understandable if you need to go to a laundromat weekly to wash all your stuff. If you’re stuck doing the latter, try to make it as pleasurable as possible.

Take a book or tablet with you and do something you love while everything is washing and drying. Then take everything home, turn on the TV, and fold while being entertained. Before you know it, all will be folded and put away, and you’ll have caught up on your show.

How about food? Can you cook, or do you just get takeout? Expand your repertoire by learning how to make the dishes you love best. This might involve asking your parents or grandparents to teach you how to make that recipe you adore. Or you can find some great chefs and home cooks on YouTube and get busy in the kitchen. Make food preparation a pleasure rather than an obligation and you’ll be amazed at how much happier you feel.

The more you practice doing adult things, the less your fear of adulting will affect you, until one day it will be gone.

4. Learn to shift direction on the fly.

Doing the things above on your own will teach you to be more adaptive. Many people freak out when things don’t unfold the way they want them to, but those who can adapt to circumstances and find other solutions end up using that adaptivity in other areas of their lives.

As an example, let’s say you’re baking something but halfway through you realize that you don’t have any sugar. That’s cool… You can use honey, maple syrup, or even jam instead. Run out of laundry detergent? Grate bar soap and mix it with baking soda for a quick and easy solution.

Being able to adapt on the fly can be hugely beneficial across the board. It’ll train your mind to seek alternative solutions whenever you come across an obstacle, and you’ll soon learn that you can overcome any problem simply by finding a different way around it. If you can’t go through, then climb over or around. Or dig underneath. There’s always another solution, so there’s no need to panic. Simply change direction.

You may feel like you can’t handle adulthood, but the more you learn to adapt and roll with things rather than fighting against them or crumpling in a heap, the more emotionally resilient you’ll feel. Soon enough, you’ll be able to put your adulting anxiety behind you.

5. Stay present and focused on what you want to do now.

People often fall into anxiety spirals when they start to overanalyze everything. Their minds will drift into “what if?” land, and they’ll freak out about all the things that could possibly go wrong.

If you’re the type of person who worries about all the potential variables and is scared of growing up because of it, bring yourself back to the present moment. Do what you can with what you have right now, and deal with whatever happens when it happens.

And what if it all works out just fine? After all, how many things that you freaked out about in the past actually unfolded the way you feared they would?

Try to think back to when you were a child and were utterly engrossed in what you were doing. When you were a toddler, did you spend your time trying to figure out what training you’d need to do a triathlon? Or were you focused entirely on learning how to walk?

Furthermore, when you learned how to walk, do you think you were concentrating on placing each foot in front of the other? No. Your goal was to get yourself over to the cookie you were eyeing or the dog you wanted to pet. Your body followed your mind and did what was necessary to get you to your chosen destination.

Aim to get back into that mindset. If there’s something you want to do now, put your thoughts and energy toward attaining that goal—not all the maybes that may unfold down the line. You don’t think about inhaling and exhaling when you’re out for a walk; you just walk. Do the same with every endeavor you undertake, and you’ll feel a lot less anxiety overall.

On a similar note…

6. Enjoy the learning process.

Just about all of us have known at least one person who has held back from doing something they loved because they didn’t know how to do it already and didn’t want to screw up. The motivations and explanations behind these behaviors may vary, but ultimately the fear of failure is what held them back from a lot of joy and accomplishment.

After all, if they didn’t try it at all, then they wouldn’t fail for sure, right? But that’s a terrible way to live a life.

Remember the toddler making their way toward the cookie? How many times do you think you fell on your ass when you were learning how to walk? More times than you could count, most likely, yet you persevered. Furthermore, you probably don’t remember falling down much at all.

You once had to learn everything you know now, and this is pretty much the same for every skill on the planet. The unknowns that terrify us are swiftly forgotten after we’ve practiced them for a while. You may hate being an adult, but that feeling will subside the more you practice, the more you learn, and the more you master the things you must do as an adult.

Have you ever been nervous about all the skills you needed to learn at a new job, but then after a month or two, you did them all like they were second nature? Much of life is that simple. What initially seems daunting and scary ends up being the easiest thing in the world after you’ve done it a few times.

The key here is to…

7. Allow yourself to fail.

This is a vital part of the learning process, and it is pretty much inescapable. Just like little toddler you face planted when learning to walk, adult you is going to mess up in a lot of different ways.

Unless you’re juggling chainsaws to impress someone, there’s little that can’t be fixed after you’ve messed up. Mistakes at work can be rectified. Broken items can be repaired or replaced. Missteps in relationships can be worked through with communication.

Once you recognize and accept that you ARE going to mess up, then you’ll feel a lot less anxiety about it. It’s kind of like knowing that you’re going to get wet because it’s raining outside. Instead of avoiding every raindrop, you just let the rain fall and change into dry clothes when you get home.

As soon as you’re no longer bracing against a situation, it stops being a big deal. It’s a case of “yeah, this is going to suck, but it’s not going to last forever.” You’ve been through some uncomfortable or challenging things before, right? Are you still going through them? Probably not.

In fact, you might not even think about those things anymore at all. They might have terrified you when you were gearing up to face them, but now they don’t come to mind unless someone else actively mentions them or you find weird mementos that remind you of them.

Failing is actually a gift in your circumstances because it will remind you that what you imagine in your head as you battle adulting anxiety is always going to worse than the worst case scenario in reality.

8. The most daunting situations are almost always less insurmountable than you think.

Have you ever avoided doing something because you just knew it would be a massive bugbear? Maybe it was paperwork that you were nervous about attending to or a cleaning project that was so intense that you were overwhelmed to the point of paralysis. Either way, there are only two options when it comes to situations like these:

  • Ignore it and let it build until it becomes atrocious to deal with
  • Face it, and get it over and done with

I’ll give you an example here. For a few years, we’d had a ton of stuff accumulating in a storage room in the basement, and it was a nightmare in there. We had been avoiding even going into that room because the awareness of just how much work needed to be done to clear it out was too overwhelming. As a result, the mess of boxes, old TV sets, and various bits of detritus just sat there.

We kept avoiding taking care of the issue because there was always something “more important” or fun to do instead.

Finally, we agreed that if we didn’t take action, that room would remain unusable forever. So we set aside a few days to finally take care of the issue. We geared up with old clothes and rubber gloves, put on some great tunes, and resigned ourselves to the fact that we were about to “waste” about three days clearing that mess out.

Do you know how long it took us to clear it out entirely? A few hours.

What we had assumed would be a monumental task that would eat away days of our lives ended up being over and done with in less time than we would have spent watching The Return of the King . Best of all, we discovered some absolute treasures as we cleared that space out. There were childhood photos we had forgotten about, a favorite screwdriver we had given up as lost, and so on.

Best of all, the relief and sense of accomplishment we felt after clearing it out was indescribable. That was a massive task crossed off our to-do list, and unless some natural disaster strikes, it’s unlikely we’ll ever have to do that again. Even better, we now had more space in the house to work with!

Know that this type of experience is common as you move through life, and tackling it head on is almost always the best course of action. Face your fears and anxieties, and you’ll discover that they’re usually as easily transmuted as the previous tasks.

9. Work on discovering your inner strength, and know that you’ve got this.

One reason why so many people have anxiety about adulting is that other people have tried to take their personal power from them.

This often happens when someone has insecure or controlling parents. Instead of being taught vital life skills and being encouraged to take care of problems on their own, these folks are coddled and either overprotected or prevented from becoming more independent.

This is because the parent has made their children their reason for being, and if the kids develop a strong sense of self, then the parent doesn’t know what to do with themselves anymore.

The way to overcome this is to become your own pillar. Learn how to set boundaries, and defend them well. Become your own best advocate, and spend your time and effort working on the skills and strengths you know you have.

Pursue educational and career paths that are important to you, not other people. Develop hobbies and skills that make you happy, rather than pandering to others’ wants or suggestions.

Most importantly, know that you’ll figure it out. If others are trying to make you feel fearful so you stay dependent on them, don’t let their fearmongering hold you back. No matter what happens, you’ll get through it. People have been muddling through existence on this planet for hundreds of thousands of years, and they’ve been doing just fine. You will too.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for guidance.

Are there older or otherwise more experienced people in your life whom you can turn to for instruction or guidance? If so, don’t hesitate to reach out to them for advice when you feel like you need it. After all, these are people who have a lot of life experience under their belts. They’ve been through a lot and have accrued a massive amount of life skills.

It can only benefit you to learn from their experience, as long as they aren’t going to treat you badly in the future because of it.

Some elders like to lord things over younger people and make fun of them for needing help. If the older folks you know are thusly inclined, then you’re likely better off to muddle through on your own, figure things out by watching tutorials online, or ask friends who can teach you instead.

That said, if you’re lucky enough to have parents or grandparents who have helpful skills and are eager to pass their knowledge on to the next generation, then let them do so. You never know when the skills they teach you may come in handy. I wouldn’t know how to handle an axe if I hadn’t asked my Grandpa to teach me how to chop wood, and my partner’s cooking skills were honed by her grandmother’s side.

If you don’t have family members like this, then see if you can connect with others in your community. There are usually learning opportunities at community centers or even meetup groups that you can join. At places like these, you have the chance to draw on the knowledge that others have accrued, while offering them your time and friendship in return.

Furthermore, even if certain methods seem a bit antiquated, you can either adapt them for modern needs or use them as-is if required. For instance, you may have the world’s most high-tech oven in your kitchen, but if an elder teaches you how to rig up an outdoor camp stove, you’ll still be able to cook if there’s a major power outage.

Yes, you’re a strong, independent adult, but that doesn’t mean that you’re all alone in the world. There are always resources available to you, if you’re open to them.

11. Make peace with the idea of death.

This isn’t meant to be a downer, and it shouldn’t make you feel afraid of anything. Far from it. In fact, we’re hoping to inspire the opposite effect, here.

Many people are absolutely terrified of the idea of death. As a result, they either live recklessly as if to thumb their noses at mortality or cling to an age in which they felt safe from the grim specter of death that’s looming on the road ahead of them.

When you make peace with the fact that all of us have an expiry date, however, it’s an immensely freeing experience. You don’t have to worry about avoiding it because it’s inevitable, so that’s a massive weight off your shoulders.

Furthermore, it’s freeing to realize that you have carte blanche to live your life to the fullest, in exactly the manner you want to, because it’s all going to end one day.

So many people say, “If I knew I was dying, I would do X thing I’ve always wanted to do.” They hold back from doing what’s authentic and important to them thanks to other people’s judgements or fear of potential failure. The only thing that would allow them the freedom to do what they wanted is if they knew it would all be over soon, and they’d only have a small window of opportunity to do that thing.

Do the thing. None of us know how much time we have left, but accepting that on a soul-deep level allows us to live life fearlessly. There’s nothing to be afraid of, other than an unlived life.

Remembering the phrase “memento mori” (remember death) isn’t meant to be scary, but is instead a reminder to be present and enjoy every moment, since we might never have another.

Rather than thinking of life as “growing up,” simply see it as “growing.” You’re here to experience amazing things and to have joy. Don’t hold yourself back from that due to fear of the unknown or failure. There is nothing to fear.

Still not sure how to stop being scared of growing up? Talking to someone can really help you to handle whatever life throws at you. It’s a great way to get your thoughts and your worries out of your head so you can work through them.

Speak to a therapist rather than a friend or family member. Why? Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. They can help you to challenge your thoughts and offer tailored advice to make you feel more comfortable about being an adult.

BetterHelp.com is a website where you can connect with a therapist via phone, video, or instant message.

While you may try to work through this yourself, it may be a bigger issue than self-help can address. And if it is affecting your mental well-being, relationships, or life in general, it is a significant thing that needs to be resolved.

Too many people try to muddle through and do their best to overcome issues that they never really get to grips with. If it’s at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward.

Click here if you’d like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started.

You’ve already taken the first step just by searching for and reading this article. The worst thing you can do right now is nothing. The best thing is to speak to a therapist. The next best thing is to implement everything you’ve learned in this article by yourself. The choice is yours.

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About The Author

essay about fear of growing up

Finn Robinson has spent the past few decades travelling the globe and honing his skills in bodywork, holistic health, and environmental stewardship. In his role as a personal trainer and fitness coach, he’s acted as an informal counselor to clients and friends alike, drawing upon his own life experience as well as his studies in both Eastern and Western philosophies. For him, every day is an opportunity to be of service to others in the hope of sowing seeds for a better world.

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What to Read When You’re Afraid of Growing Up

Kendra allen.

  • April 5, 2019

essay about fear of growing up

Two facts about growing up are forgiving your child self and picking out outfits everyday. I’m good at neither of these things—which is why When You Learn the Alphabet is what it is.

I essentially wrote all of it between the ages of nineteen and twenty-two—years when I had everything to say but knew nothing. I never felt like an adult, I only felt afraid. I describe When You Learn the Alphabet as a bunch of mad stories because once I began taking writing seriously, everything I didn’t realize I was angry about started to reveal itself in abundance. I thought I was simply completing assignments, but, surprisingly, I was crafting an essay collection.

I was (am) in a constant frenzy of having feelings about everything, remembering, unlearning, and reinterpreting. I was (am) looking for any way to express every wrong I felt happened to my bloodline and/or to me, and get it out of my body for good. I’ve failed tremendously along the way, but in taking on this task I learned that sometimes you wrong yourself the most. but the books listed below gave me solace.

Through these writers, I learned how to disguise my anger with sadness, to amplify my anger with politics, to suppress my anger with humor, and to simply experience my anger and live it. I’ve found myself constantly revisiting these books, hoping to cultivate a way to present my thoughts. Some of these books were introduced to me more recently, and others were found through decades of hiding behind books in order to avoid myself. I’ve chosen these books because of how well they get to their roots, and because I could feel the angry child in all of them.

Bone Black: Memories of Girlhood by bell hooks Few things make me happier than books that aren’t afraid to get to the point sooner rather than later, and bell hooks ain’t a beat around the bush kind of writer. This is the book that taught me that telling the truth don’t take that long. I read Bone Black my second year of undergrad and felt an immense jealously that I could never be so plain yet so powerful, especially in memoir. This book is the exact book I dream of writing someday. It changed all of my expectations of what story is, and could be, making me comfortable with simply moving on once I had nothing more to say. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that is more than three pages. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that’s not doing tremendous work for black folk and little black girls. There’s not a chapter in Bone Black that doesn’t take the air out of your windpipe.

essay about fear of growing up

How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America by Kiese Laymon I didn’t have a favorite book until I read this one. How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others in America was the first essay collection I read and it changed everything I previously thought about writing essays, and of what “personal essay” even meant. This is one of the most marked-up, most re-read, and most honest books I own. I had never encountered a writer who spoke how I spoke without their language being guarded and redirected, which was a big thing for me. And if we talking ’bout craft, Laymon found a way to make himself a border to protect the content; he found a way to make his content a conversation, and to make the essay cause the reader to question how they subscribe to America’s fabricated narratives. Endless gems. Endless laughs. Endless relatability. This was the first book to make me feel comfortable enough to use my own voice—no matter how grammatically incorrect it is, no matter its interests, no matter how passionate it can get—and to stand up in whatever I wrote on the page.

essay about fear of growing up

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison I don’t know how I can think about style, or writing, period, without thinking of Toni Morrison and the endless times she’s demonstrated the multitudes of ways to tell a little black girl’s story. The Bluest Eye is the perfect example. Being that it’s Morrison’s debut novel, the way she tackled the hard truths of Pecola’s particular girlhood through the secondary characters not only exemplifies that she’s on an entirely differently level when it comes to skill, but also that she’s on a different level when it comes to evoking a image and a feeling that ties you to every character in this book. It’s a timeless piece of work and a master class on craft and story. I love you, Ms. Morrison. Please marry me.

essay about fear of growing up

Flyy Girl by Omar Tyree I’m obsessed with coming-of-age stories no matter what medium they’re presented in. Flyy Girl was one of the first to come into my life. I remember being a child and all of the older, teenaged girls reading it while simultaneously living it. The book’s protagonist Tracy Ellison was the quintessential black girl. She was my best friend. She was my cousin. Some parts of her were even me. I thought Tracy was so fly and so flawed and I saw pieces of her in every girl around me. Omar Tyree made her real and a reflection. He mapped out her mental, physical, sexual, and emotional journey from the ages of six years old through twenty with style, grace, fun, pain, and most importantly, dialogue that felt like home. Every time I revisit Flyy Girl , it’s like I’m catching up to Tracy a little bit more than I previously had.

essay about fear of growing up

Loving in the War Years by Cherrie Moraga There are certain songs that have the ability to transport you to a specific time and place. Fortunately, there are books that trigger past lives as well. Loving in the War Years is one of few that do this for me. Words like “wow” cannot do it justice. What a woman. What a talent. The fear in the language, the fearlessness in the language, the loud activism—it’s suffocating and all-consuming. Loving in the War Years is genre-bending, multilayered, multiethnic brilliance. Moraga is doing something I didn’t know was possible: to make one thing everything only for it to be named a collage when in fact it is a life. Easily the most beautiful, infuriating, loving, and loveless book I’ve ever read and I’m so thankful to have found it.

essay about fear of growing up

White Girls by Hilton Als This book, although amazing in its entirety, is on this list for one essay alone. The first essay in this collection, “Tristes Tropiques,” is probably the greatest essay I’ve ever read. First, it’s eighty-four pages. I love the balance of seamlessly blending the personal with the cultural. I love all the questions. I love all the lyricism. I damn near am in love with Als himself. If we’ve ever had a conversation about nonfiction, I’ve more than likely mentioned “Tristes Tropiques” and pronounced it incorrectly. Every sentence feels like a privilege to read. Something I love about this essay, and this book for that matter, is I often feel like I’m not smart enough to read Als. Actually, I know I’m not smart enough to read him, but here, every line is doing the work to make me understand him. Just read this: “No one seemed to understand what we were talking about most of the time. There was no context for them to understand us, other than their fear and incomprehension in the presence of two colored men who were together and not lovers, not bums, not mad.” And Als doesn’t stray from providing the context, in a way that feels like a kiss goodbye.

essay about fear of growing up

Chasing Destiny by Eric Jerome Dickey I have a deep, deep, love for black ass fiction that doesn’t care about being too black or too niche. Chasing Destiny was one of the books I found on my mama’s bookshelf when I was about twelve. I had no business reading it. It’s too much sex, too much violence, too much trauma, too many drugs, too many mistakes. But I was hooked, because “too much” was just a reality. I read it over and over again. Each time, I could not wait to see what happened to all of the characters. There was not a moment that dragged on too long. It was exciting, and I quickly learned excitement is an imperative element in any reading experience no matter how daring a book’s concept is perceived to be. I’ll never understand why the masses refuse to take these “urban fictions” seriously, and are instead satisfied with being bored to death by books and calling them classics, but I digress.

essay about fear of growing up

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley Speaking of classics, if I let my English teacher from twelfth grade tell it, I didn’t know how to read at all until she taught me how to read Frankenstein . This was the first book I had to take line-by-line notes on, and I book I’ll probably never read again because of this. But, in hindsight, I found deeper meaning in a monster; I found that monsters aren’t always the villain; and I found that authorial intention, and watching that vision unfold, can coexist while also being entertaining. I guess I should say thank you to that teacher for helping me search for an author’s intentions just as much as I search for a story’s meaning. Shoutout to Ms. Rob.

essay about fear of growing up

The Coldest Winter Ever by Sister Souljah All I’m gonna say is, The Coldest Winter Ever is my classic American novel and we gotta stop disrespecting Sister Souljah’s pen in these streets. The Coldest Winter Ever should never leave the best-seller’s list, if we’re being completely honest. Your favorite author couldn’t even fathom creating a Winter or a Midnight or a Natalie or a Bullet and making them human. Humanity isn’t even a word that would cross their minds. I’m still waiting for it to be adapted into a movie. Please let me cast it, or write it, or just be in the room while it’s made.

essay about fear of growing up

Men We Reaped by Jesmyn Ward I lucked out on finding this book because Jesmyn Ward’s reputation precedes her. I’d never read any of her fiction, but during a workshop someone mentioned Men We Reaped and said they’d read it in a day. When I got my hands on a copy, it took me longer than a day to read it, but that’s because I was too in awe of the time, intention, and discipline it must have took to write through this concept and not stray away from it. I was too busy taking in every line, too busy trying to keep these men—these boys—alive as long as I could. I didn’t want any of their stories to end. Out of the thousands of books I’ve read in my lifetime, Men We Reaped was the first book that ever made me cry.

essay about fear of growing up

Don’t Let Me Be Lonely by Claudia Rankine With most of Rankine’s work, the general consensus is: What is this? The first time I asked this was when I read Don’t Let Me Be Lonely. There’s pictures. There’s poems that could be essays that could also be stories. It’s unidentifiable, but it’s so striking you can’t help but participate in trying to figure it out. I admire Rankine’s lack of explanation. I’m envious of how freeing that must feel for her as a writer. I want to stop over-explaining, and Don’t Let Me Be Lonely helped to me realize it. Also, I’m not into naming things but I’m obsessed with titles, and Don’t Let Me Be Lonely is pure fire.

essay about fear of growing up

The Color Purple by Alice Walker Form can take a book from mediocre to innovative. The Color Purple is everything but mediocre, and Walker’s choice to tell this story through letters only amplifies her genius. I’m intrigued by the different ways we can write a chronological narrative and how to place the reader on a rollercoaster of emotions without exhausting them. When I come across books like The Color Purple , I have to admit that skill this flawless may be something that can’t be taught. Even with all the nuance and difficult content, The Color Purple is an easy and enjoyable read, and if any other writer attempted to do this, the bridge might be impossible to cross. If this book taught me anything, it taught me about the distribution of time and how to delegate it between your characters. And, it taught me to be loud.

essay about fear of growing up

Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin I adore Baldwin in any genre, but my favorite is fiction-writing Baldwin. I was introduced to his words, to his voice, later than any living thing should be. I’d never read someone who wrote exactly how they spoke. The long-winded sentences, the punctuation stacking, the pause that’s so present on and off the page. When I read Giavonni’s Room, I felt heartbroken by everything the book held in its less than two hundred pages. The things Baldwin does with time, with desire, with anger, are unmatched. Everything written feels like an uppercut to the chin. Take this dialogue between David’s parents, for instance:

“…all I want for David is that he grows up to be a man. And when I say a man, Ellen, I don’t mean a Sunday school teacher.” “A man,” said Ellen, shortly, “is not the same thing as a bull. Good-night.”

I mean, there’s really nothing more to say; we’re all just somebody’s child.

And to close out this wonderful list, we just had to include Kendra’s debut essay collection, When You Learn the Alphabet , forthcoming April 15 from University of Iowa Press!  – Ed.

When You Learn the Alphabet by Kendra Allen Kendra Allen’s first collection of essays—at its core—is a bunch of mad stories about things she never learned to let go of. Unifying personal narrative and cultural commentary, this collection grapples with the lessons that have been stored between parent and daughter. These parental relationships expose the conditioning that subconsciously informed her ideas on social issues such as colorism, feminism, war-induced PTSD, homophobia, marriage, and “the n-word,” among other things. These dynamics strive for some semblance of accountability, and the essays within this collection are used as displays of deep unlearning and restoring—balancing trauma and humor, poetics and reality, forgiveness and resentment. When You Learn the Alphabet allots space for large moments of tenderness and empathy for all black bodies, but especially all black woman bodies—space for the underrepresented humanity and uncared for pain of black girls, and space to have the opportunity to be listened to in order to evolve past it.

essay about fear of growing up

Kendra Infinite Allen is the author of award-winning essay collection When You Learn the Alphabet and poetry collection The Collection Plate . Born and raised in Dallas, TX, she loves laughing and leaving. Her work can be found on and in Repeller, Southwest Review, Frontier, The Rumpus , and more.

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Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D.

Adolescence

Early adolescence and anxiety about growing up, separating from childhood and entering adolescence (ages 9 - 13) can be scary..

Posted April 15, 2013

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Most young people do not separate from the comparative simplicity, stability, and shelter of childhood and enter the more uncertain, more complex, and more dangerous world of adolescence (usually between the ages of 9 and 13) without experiencing some anxiety about old comforts they must give up and new challenges they must undertake.

This is why so many mixed messages are given to parents at this conflicted age: “Hug me”/ “Don’t touch me”; “Tell me what to do”/ “Stop telling me what to do”; “Listen to me”/ “I have nothing to say”; “Help me”/ “Let me do it”; “Include me”/ “Leave me alone.” Feeling justifiably confused, parents ask themselves: “Which way does our pre-teen want it?” The answer is both ways depending on the mood of the moment because she is feeling honestly mixed about growing up -- eager and anxious at the same time.

She wants to act older on the one hand, but she also wants to stay younger on the other; she wants more independence, but she doesn’t want to give up comfortable dependencies; she wants parents to let go, but she also wants parents to hold on; she wants to leave the world of childhood behind, but she’s not ready to release all her precious child interests, belongings, and relationships. The adventurous part of her is excited about growing up, but the insecure part of her is afraid as she struggles to accept a hard bargain. Resolving to no longer be treated and defined as a “just a child” any more, she closes the door to those early years. Henceforth, she cannot go home to childhood again.

Because early adolescence is such an anxious and ambivalent time for the young person, it is an awkward time for parents, and complicated. Parents have to honor what the young person says he wants, like trying more freedom and independence, and yet they have to provide what the young person says he doesn’t want, but actually does -- a continuing family structure to define what must and must not be done that he can rely upon for safety and security. This creates another source of ambivalence for the early adolescent.

The young person resents parents for limiting his freedom, but wants their protections in world that has suddenly grown dauntingly large compared with the childhood that now seems attractively but unacceptably small. So he pushes against and pulls away from parental authority, but after all his complaint, argument, and protest is said and done, he most often gives his compliance and consent to their limits and demands.

Why? The answer is because the early adolescent knows he now has more freedom of choice than is good for him, knows that they can’t actually force him or stop him, knows that he needs them to make a lot of life decisions for him, and when they do he feels more protected that way. In a host of areas in his life, he trusts their judgment more than his own, even though he would never admit this to them. Criticism is easier for him to give. The age of thankless parenting has arrived.

In general, it is better for the early adolescent to be angry at parents for providing too much protection than anxious because they have provided too little. After all, the purpose of parental directions and prohibitions is to give the young person ‘choice points’ (to comply or not) for going along with the family structure that parents safely provide. When this oversight is not given, the young person is left with no choice but to figure what is best and right to do, or to rely for guidance on the influence of immature peers. Parents must always give the clear option of living within a family structure so the young person has a prescribed code of personal conduct he can decide to follow. That he sometimes elects not to is no excuse for parents to discontinue providing it.

Then there is feeling more out of control. What the young person discovers, and what parents observe, are common changes in behavior that indicate how the self- management system that worked well in the simpler, sheltered childhood years is no longer sufficient to handle the social complexity of adolescent growth. For example, a middle school is not as simple as was an elementary school.

So there are signs of slippage everywhere: increased disorganization, distractibility, confusion, scattered attention , forgetfulness and losing belongings, inconsistency and impulsivity, to name a few. In the words of one dad: “All of a sudden it’s like the wheels have come off the truck.” Lots of children appear to careen into early adolescence, and the experience is not a comfortable one: “What’s the matter with me!” Important for parents to remember at this juncture is that their impatience and irritation are not helpful; their supervisory support and coaching are what is needed.

Immigrant parents and teens often differ in how easily they adapt to their new home.

Although parents have only occasionally reported to me an early adolescent openly declaring “I don’t want to grow up!” it is very common for a young person to announce this growth reluctance in non-verbal ways. For example, socially a child who was confident and outgoing becomes the early adolescent who is more inclined to stay home and decline invitations from friends. Emotionally, the child who was calm and relaxed becomes the early adolescent who is nervous and worried, but can’t explain why. Physically, the child who functioned without major health complaints becomes the early adolescent who is prey to mysterious ailments the doctor cannot pin down, aches and pains with no readily identifiable cause. Life support habits that used to be taken for granted like eating well and digesting well and sleeping well, now become challenging to accomplish, creating anxiety in the young person that she or he is not functioning well. One way or another, the early adolescent’s system can feel out of whack for a while.

While treating these alterations seriously and sympathetically, even medically checking them out, it helps if parents can see them as passing and not permanent, as enabling and not disabling. They are often associated with anxiety at making this very hard transition from childhood into early adolescence. About six months or so seems to be a reasonable expectation from what I have seen for the young person to gather the determination to struggle forward, overcome these self-created obstacles, and start engaging with the new challenges at hand.

During this adjustment anxiety to the onset of adolescence, what I believe is playing out is the acute conflict between the forces of regress (clinging onto the comforts of childhood) arrayed against the forces of progress (daring the challenges of growing up), fearful regression slowing the process down, but progress courageously moving forward and prevailing in the end. Always important for parents to remember: adolescence is an act of courage.

What can make this conflict more painful and protracted is when parents resist the onset of their beloved child’s adolescence too. They sense this change is a point of no return after which they will never have their daughter or son as little child ever again, ending that golden time in their relationship. They can’t bear the thought of losing the endearing and adoring child she was and so keep inviting her back by treating her in old childlike ways – recalling old fun times they used to have together, applying old terms of affection, engaging in old family pastimes, providing kiddie comforts, even giving her the old kinds of gifts that were once a source of childish delight.

One of the hardest parts of growing up, and of parenting too, is accepting the necessity of letting go.

For more about parenting adolescents, se my book, “SURVIVING YOUR CHILD’S ADOLESCENCE (Wiley, 2013.) More information at: www.carlpickhardt.com

I welcome suggestions and questions for future blogs.

Next week’s entry: Attachment Parenting of Children/Detachment Parenting of Adolescents

Carl E Pickhardt Ph.D.

Carl Pickhardt Ph.D. is a psychologist in private counseling and public lecturing practice in Austin, Texas. His latest book is Holding On While Letting Go: Parenting Your Child Through the Four Freedoms of Adolescence.

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What Is a Fear of Growing Up & Do I Have It?

It’s ironic how kids, especially teens, want freedom, but many fear the natural process that brings what they desire. Growing up is an immutable part of life, and we must all go through it, regardless of our fears and doubts.

The responsibilities that come with being an adult aren’t fun at all, at least not for many young people. However, most people get over this type of thinking with time.

Unfortunately, a few people actually have a mental disorder that makes them cringe at the thought of growing up and may experience physical symptoms such as headaches and panic attacks. This phobia is known as gerascophobia – the fear of growing up or aging.

Although this phobia is rare , occurring in about 4% to 6% of the population, it can affect both children and adults. It is common for children and teenagers to fear growing up because of the responsibilities that come with being an adult.

On the other hand, younger and older adults with gerascophobia are concerned about potential drawbacks of aging, such as disabilities, loneliness, loss of vigor, loss of beauty, and other issues associated with aging.

Do you have a fear of growing up? What causes it, and how can you manage the phobia? Keep reading to find answers.

What Is a Fear of Growing Up?

The fear of growing up or aging is known as gerascophobia – an irrational and persistent anxiety about getting old.

A person with this phobia may recognize that their fear is abnormal but continue to experience it as real. That’s why telling someone to snap out of their fear hardly solves the problems.

Age-related anxiety is not limited to a specific age group. People in all stages of life can develop this phobia, although it shows up differently depending on a person’s age. Here is what gerascophobia looks like in children, teens, young adults, and older adults.

  • Children : Kids may become fearful of increased responsibilities at school and home and may even develop negative attitudes because of this. The fear of growing up can also trigger separation anxiety in children . In addition to this, children may also worry excessively that their parents or primary care providers will grow old and die, leaving them without care and love.
  • Teens and young adults : Teenagers and young adults with gerascophobia may experience anxiety about becoming less attractive, independent, and popular. They may also associate aging with depression, dementia, and unhappiness, so they will go the extra mile to stay forever young. This is especially the case with teenagers who are constantly exposed to negative messaging about aging.
  • Older adults : Gerascophobia in older adults may manifest as constantly being afraid of death, developing chronic illness, and the uncertainty of retirement. It might also show up as being afraid to lose your independence because of a disability or lack of youthful vigor.

Negative Effects of the Gerascophobia

father and son having some issues

Although it is normal to have some concerns about growing old or experience some uneasiness about aging, most people come to terms with growing up. However, the phobia can take a toll on the physical and mental health of the few who don’t get over this fear.

First, it can lead to strong dissatisfaction with your physical appearance, which can cause poor self-image and low self-esteem. People who allow unrealistic beauty standards to put them under unnecessary pressure might have an underlying anxiety about aging. Some may even resort to cosmetic surgeries to reduce the signs of physical aging.

Left unchecked, negative perceptions about growing old can lead to increased stress and depression . This is especially the case with people who avoid social interactions to prevent situations that will trigger age-related anxieties.

Self-imposed isolation because you don’t want others to think you are growing older or unattractive can lead to loneliness, as it prevents you from maintaining healthy social connections.

Some people who fear aging can also develop poor eating habits, such as under-eating to slow down growth. The 14-year-old boy with a severe case of gerascophobia who attempted to prevent physical development by not eating much food is a prime example.

While this is an extreme case, many people under-eat in the hope of staying attractive. Unfortunately, poor eating habits can result in skin problems, hair loss, and falling ill more often.

How to Know if You Have Gerascophobia

depressed girl sitting in the dark room

Common symptoms of gerascophobia may include:

  • Palpitations
  • Inability to relax
  • Panic attacks
  • Excessive sweating
  • Breathlessness

These symptoms are not specific to gerascophobia, so it might be difficult to determine whether your inability to relax results from the phobia or something else.

However, there is a strong indication that you might have an irrational fear of growing up or aging if, in addition to these symptoms, you observe that you:

  • Persistently think of dying or death.
  • Tend to avoid situations (such as birthdays) and people (such as old classmates) that may remind you of aging. 
  • Steer clear of physical activities (such as hiking) that may cause physical wearing of your body.
  • Tend to use anti-aging products and treatments excessively.
  • Avoid seeing a doctor for a diagnosis of the condition because they may tell you that you are aging.

Common Triggers of Gerascophobia

It is unclear what causes the fear of growing up or aging, but what we believe about aging certainly plays a huge role in how we feel about the natural process. While experts aren’t sure whether or not the phobia is a genetic problem, many of the triggers are well-known.

Some of them include:

1. Personal Experience With Older People

Living with older adults in your home gives you a front-row seat to witness all the issues associated with aging. You get to see how these adults face mobility issues, financial difficulties, various health problems, and a general decline in vigor.

All of these can make any younger person a bit worried about growing older. And if you have gerascophobia, the situation will definitely increase your anxiety.

2. Age-Based Discrimination

Whether in the workplace, school, or social situations, certain considerations or opportunities might be limited to people within a specific age group. A person with a debilitating fear of growing up can easily get worked up or react badly if they are discriminated against because they are “too old” to be considered.

3. Annual Events

Death remembrance or anniversaries, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and New Year celebrations can trigger anxiety because they are yearly reminders that we are getting older.

Beyond growing older, these events can make individuals with an irrational fear of growing up see how the passage of time makes them more fragile, less attractive, and less independent.

4. Pressure from the Anti-Aging Beauty Industry

The beauty industry makes a ton of money from anti-aging products and treatments. Unfortunately, individuals with a heightened fear of aging are under continuous pressure to undo or fight the natural process of growing older because of the propaganda from the anti-aging beauty industry.

5. Negative Messages about Aging in the Media

Many young people are easily influenced by what they see in the media, especially social media. And youthfulness is often celebrated on social media, where most teens and younger adults spend a significant amount of time daily.

This explains why they are often self-conscious and worry excessively about physical appearances. Such exposure can trigger deep-rooted insecurities, particularly as it relates to feeling unworthy because they are growing older.

How to Manage Gerascophobia

upset girl sitting near the lake

What should you do if you think you have a fear of growing up? You probably already know that worrying isn’t very helpful, so you should look for a more practical solution to help you deal with the fear.

If you think your child’s fear of growing up is abnormal, consider empowering your child by exposing them to positive thinking activities for children.

But if you are the one facing this fear, here are a few strategies to help you cope with it.

1. Engage in New and Exciting Activities

Avoidance behavior and self-imposed isolation rarely help anyone feel fresh. On the contrary, these attitudes can lead to loneliness, boredom, and cognitive decline. A better way to manage your fear of aging is to find ways to participate in new activities and meet new people rather than hiding away from people. 

Whether it is a new hobby or interest, starting a new activity can make you feel challenged and help you feel alive.

2. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Spend time with people who are happy with their bodies and proud of themselves just the way they are. These supportive people will inspire you to love yourself – flaws and all – and will also nudge you back on track when you start worrying too much about the normal process of aging.

3. Think of Aging as a Privilege

Aging is a gift. If you are an older adult, pause and think about the people you knew at a younger age. Not all of them live long enough to experience the natural process of growing old and all the many blessings, experiences, and excitement it brings.

When you shift your perspective in this way, it can help you cope better with the idea of growing old.

4. Stay Healthy

Focus on eating a well-balanced diet rather than obsessing over cosmetic products to keep your skin supple and youthful. Your body needs real nutrients to stay healthy and not mere surface dressing.

Also, include regular exercise in your daily routine, even if it is for only 10 to 15 minutes. Regular physical activities combined with healthy nutrition can help you age gracefully, so you don’t have to worry about losing vigor prematurely.

5. Seek Professional Help

While most people will eventually get over their fear of growing up, a few others won’t.

The good news is that you don’t have to tackle gerascophobia all by yourself if your fear of growing up is persistent and abnormal.

I strongly recommend seeking professional help if the fear of growing up negatively affects your daily functioning.

Final Thoughts

The fear of growing up is far more common than many people realize. Nearly all of us are afraid of old age and its associated problems to some extent. You may not have full-blown aging anxiety or gerascophobia, but you may entertain a certain degree of concern about growing up.

Indeed, growing up can be scary for children, and aging can be worrisome for adults. However, it is a natural part of life that brings lots of prospects and adopting a more positive outlook on life can help you cope with growing up better.

Unfortunately, those with gerascophobia have a debilitating fear of growing up or aging, and the phobia interferes with their daily activities. If this is you, consider seeking professional help.

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The Fear Of Growing Up

Can you hear the old Toys ‘R Us jingle in your head?

“I don’t want to grow up. I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid. They’ve got a million toys at Toys ‘R Us that I can play with. I don’t want to grow up because if I did, I couldn’t be a Toys ‘R Us kid.”

Growing up can be scary. Many kids dream of the day when they can be an adult and take full control over their own lives, but not every kid has that dream. The fear of growing up is a real phobia that can lead children and teens to some extreme decisions.

What It Means to Be Afraid of Growing

A boy in Mexico began feeling afraid of growing up when he turned 11. He was so scared that his body would grow that he deprived himself of the foods he needed. It was a decision that would cause him to lose over 25 pounds.

At the same time, he would distort his voice, so it would seem like he was younger than he really was. This boy would even stoop over to make it seem like he was shorter than he happened to be.

This boy’s fear got to the point where he considered having voluntary surgery performed to have his body growth permanently restricted.

It is an extreme example of gerascophobia, which is the literal fear of becoming an adult.

What Causes People to Be Afraid of Growing Up?

Adults have a lot of responsibilities that most children do not have. Just that fact alone can be enough to trigger a phobia.

In many cases, however, the fear of growing up is caused by multiple environmental factors. A mother may treat their child like a baby. Younger siblings in a home may receive more attention than the child in question. Teasing about height or body development could enhance these feelings.

Body changes can also be scary. Going through puberty is a life-altering experience. There is fear and anxiety associated with new sexual development characteristics. For some children, the response is to avoid the situation instead of adapting to it or confronting it.

Over time, the fear of growing up will eventually ease. Extreme incidents of fear can often be treated. There are times we may all want to go back to childhood, but getting older is something to treasure, not fear.

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How To Deal With The Fear Of Growing Up

Fear Of Growing Up

Many of us have also tried, as children, to brew some sort of magical potion that will keep us as children forever, so that we don’t have to become an adult.

This is completely understandable, growing up and becoming an adult is scary.

Your life changes and the world suddenly becomes much harder because you are in charge of yourself, with all the responsibilities that it entails.

How can we deal with the fear of growing up?

On a basic level, the fear of growing up is equal to a fear of the unknown.

It is also a fear of things going badly, or of not living up to the expectations you have set up for yourself.

For some, this fear of growing up can be very severe, so it is important to develop coping mechanisms and to understand where it stems from.

At the end of the day, growing up is inevitable.

Time is unforgivable and does not stop just because you wish it.

You will eventually grow up and will be faced with all of those fears.

The good news is that reality is never as bad as fear makes it out to be.

You will survive. You will make it through. You will grow up, but you will be okay.

In this post we’ll go over some more ways you can use to help you overcome the dear of growing up.

Table of Contents

Why Do People Fear Growing Up?

The fear of growing up is a lot more common than we might think and is completely normal.

In fact, as it is so closely related to a fear of the unknown, it’s practically in our basic instincts to be afraid of what might come from the future and of our lives once we’ve grown up.

One of the main reasons for which the fear of growing up is so common is that growing up signifies change.

And not just small changes, but big life-altering changes that can impact the course of your life.

It’s a pretty big deal.

For many, growing up means getting separated from the familiar sense of security that comes from living at home or with your family, where everything is taken care of and is easy.

Moving away from the safety of your home and family means facing the world alone, and that’s pretty scary.

It signifies having to face the world with your own skills and resources, and with how tough the world is, there are many things that can go wrong.

This is why it’s completely normal to be afraid and to develop anxiety around the idea of it.

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The prospect of navigating an adult world can also be deeply unsettling because many feel unprepared for it or incapable of achieving success within it.

You are suddenly faced with concepts you don’t quite understand.

Like complicated procedures and errands that you haven’t been fully taught, and many responsibilities that can become overwhelming.

Overcoming Your Fear

Overcoming fear

In many ways, you have already overcome your fear of growing up.

You might be confused about this, but look at it this way.

You’ve already grown up, and you are still growing up, day after day.

Things now are different from say, three years ago. There has always been some sort of change happening in your life.

However, we understand that growing up and entering an adult world, is an even bigger change.

So how can you overcome this fear?

The first thing you need to understand is that this fear never fully goes away.

This isn’t a bad thing.

In fact, fear is a vital mechanism that humans have developed to improve the chances of survival.

Fear is a warning signal inside our brains, to let us know that we have to prepare for something.

Instead of letting the fear paralyze you, take is as that warning sign.

Acknowledge your fear of growing up, and take it as a chance to prepare yourself so that you can overcome that fear.

If you feel prepared for those changes, they won’t look as scary, and you will feel a lot more prepared.

Coping Mechanisms For Growing Up

The best way to overcome or cope with your fear of growing up is to use that fear as the push you need to start preparing yourself for the many changes that will come.

If you work towards that change of growing up, instead of hiding from it or avoiding any thoughts about it, it will stop being such an unknown.

Instead it will become a transitioning period in which you adapt to new circumstances and actively pursue the course that your life will take.

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This active approach to change puts you in command of your situation.

And with fewer things left up to doubts and chance, you will feel a lot more secure.

A good exercise to do is to make a list of the things you are looking forward to when you grow up and your life changes.

You can also make a list of the things you want to accomplish, and start setting out plans or stepping stones for the journey ahead.

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It is important to balance out the fear with excitement for positive and good things that change will bring.

Growing up brings about a lot of problems and difficulties.

But it also comes with a lot of positive new things that you will have access to, so try focusing on that!

Another thing you can do as a coping mechanism is to determine the things that won’t change.

It’s good to have a strong and secure base to fall back on.

Which are things that will stay the same no matter what the future brings?

Perhaps it is your family, and the love and support your parents will always give you, no matter what.

Perhaps it is a stuffed toy that you can always take with you, as a reminder that the past is not lost.

It is simply a bit further away because you’re moving to new phases in your life.

  • Read now: See how the Johari Window helps with self awareness

Growing up shouldn’t be about losing something, but gaining many new things.

Final Thoughts

Fear of growing up is far more common than we think, and it is a completely normal reaction to change and an uncertain future.

It is that sense of the unknown, and the expectation of hardship and difficulties, that makes leaving the security and safety of childhood very hard.

However, it is important to take an active approach to growing up.

This make the doubts turn into projects, and you are placed in command of the changes as they take place.

Always remember that although growing up can be scary, it also brings about many exciting prospects in life.

And many new chances that you didn’t have access to before!

Don Dulin

Jon Dulin is the passionate leader of Unfinished Success , a personal development website that inspires people to take control of their own lives and reach their full potential. His commitment to helping others achieve greatness shines through in everything he does. He’s an unstoppable force with lots of wisdom, creativity, and enthusiasm – all focused on helping others build a better future. Jon enjoys writing articles about productivity, goal setting, self-development, and mindset. He also uses quotes and affirmations to help motivate and inspire himself. You can learn more about him on his About page .

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Why “Growing Up” is Scary (And 3 Ways to Battle Adulting Anxiety)

essay about fear of growing up

“You’re going to be an adult in less than a year.”

I’ll never forget the day I realized there were only a few months until I would turn eighteen. Only a few months until I would be a legal adult, which meant I needed to start acting like one. I needed to “grow up.”

For some, the idea of “growing up” means freedom–you can do whatever you want, no longer under parental restraints. Personally, however, “growing up” has always caused me anxiety. At any mention of “adulting,” I’d avert my eyes and change the subject.

And I think a lot of teenagers could say the same.

But what makes teenagers fear the future, and what can we do to fight those fears? Well, like Brett and Alex write in Do Hard Things , society often attempts to sell teenagers a series of lies about themselves, lies that lead to this paralyzing fear of “growing up.”

Here’s how three of these lies convince teens that “adulting” can be scary, and three ways to fight those fears.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR THE UNKNOWN

The first lie society tells teens is that we should fear the unknown . Psychology Today claims, “Feeling scared of the unexpected [is] normal as adolescence gets underway.”

Notice the word “normal” here–-society expects teens to fear anything uncommon, a viewpoint that completely contradicts the “do hard things” mentality. But if we adolescents barricade ourselves within the realm of “normal,” we won’t make a difference in the world.

So yes, stepping out and doing hard things does require venturing into the unknown. And yes, that can be scary. But that doesn’t mean we need to stop.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.” When the unknown threatens to scare us, this verse is a perfect reminder that we were not created to fear anything –-including the unknown.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR RESPONSIBILITY

The second lie society tells teenagers is that we should fear responsibility . Even the thesaurus shuns the idea, with words like “burden,” and “liability” topping the list of synonyms for responsibility.

But is responsibility really so bad? 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I spoke like a child … When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.” While as children we are free to imagine and play, Paul writes that once we “grow up,” we have to start acting like it.

This is where responsibility comes into the picture. But what would happen if you took an “adulting” responsibility like going to work and thought of it as a blessing?

You’re probably thinking, A blessing? How can work be a blessing? But just think–-right now, almost 15% of Americans are out of work. Yet, God has blessed you with the opportunity to serve Him with your talents every day!

So how can we combat the fear of responsibility? Start looking at your responsibilities as blessings, and your fear will melt away.

SOCIETY TEACHES US TO FEAR FREEDOM

Finally, society teaches us freedom is scary. No, you didn’t read that wrong. The same freedom Americans have fought for since the dawn of our nation often scares teenagers.

So why do adolescents find the freedoms of adulthood overwhelming? The Institute for Faith, Work, and Economics answers the question: “We are scared of freedom because the burden is heavy,” an article states. “We do not trust ourselves or others to carry [this burden].”

Even though freedom seems like it should mean we can do whatever we want, “freedom” from other people’s expectations means we have to create our own. Creating our own expectations means responsibility, and as we’ve already seen, responsibility can seem scary.

Considering this, what does the Bible say about responsibility? Well, the apostle Paul writes in Galatians 5:13 that freedom is not a burden, but rather an opportunity to serve. Instead of letting others dictate our behavior, teens should embrace the freedoms of adulthood and use them to spread the love of Christ.

THREE WAYS TO BATTLE ADULTING ANXIETY

So, now that we know why “growing up” often seems scary, what can we do? How can we get excited about maturing in a world that tells us we should do the opposite? Here are three ideas.

1. Prepare for your future

Like I mentioned earlier, the unknown can be scary. That doesn’t have to be a bad thing, but there are ways to limit how much “unknown” you have to deal with. The more familiar you are with the possibilities of your future, the closer you will be to conquering your adulting anxiety. For instance, if your fears are rooted in college, schedule a visit to a few campuses you’re interested in. If you’re scared of driving on your own, set aside time to practice with an instructor.

2. Explore God’s promises about your future

The Bible is called the Sword for a reason–-it’s an excellent tool for fighting against fear! Along with stories about adolescents who grew up to do amazing things (think David, Ruth, and Joseph), the Scriptures are full of encouraging promises about Christian teens’ futures. Some of my favorites are found in Philippians 1:6 and Jeremiah 29:11.

3. Pray about your future

Finally, talk to God about your fears. In Philippians 4:6-7, Paul writes that when we pray, the Lord replaces our fears with “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.” I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have peace like that than spend my days in fear!

So why do teenagers fear the future? Adulting anxiety occurs when teens believe the lies the world tells us about our lives and ultimately don’t trust God with our futures.

Knowing this and armed with tools to fight these fears, let’s step out as a generation of teenagers who will, instead of running away, embrace the freedoms, responsibilities, and unknowns that come with adulthood.

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About the author

essay about fear of growing up

is a freshman at the University of Georgia studying English and Media Studies. When she’s not writing for her blog Anna Kay, Anna Kay . Anna enjoys reading memoirs and historical fiction, traveling, worship nights, and spending time with friends at Athens coffee shops. Anna hopes to someday work in the Christian media industry, hopefully writing/producing movies and social media. You can find Anna online on her blog or on Instagram, at @annakaywrites.

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Fear of growing up consumes young adults

Fear of growing up consumes young adults

Our society is riddled with young adults doing anything and everything not to grow up. Could it be that millions of people share the same psychotic phobia dubbed gerascophobia: the fear of growing up? 

When I was a kid I just wanted to be older, be like my older sister, become an adult and have responsibilities. But now I have an outrageous amount of responsibilities to deal with every day.

Where did my eagerness go? Why do I postpone everything in avoidance? Because being an adult is not glamorous. 

Everyone told me, “Slow down kid,” or “Act your age. Your time will come.” These were not threats, they were wise words of advice, but I just wouldn’t listen. 

It’s truly around the holidays when I begin to feel nostalgic. All the memories and traditions slowly began to fade away over the years, especially being the youngest child. As soon as the youngest is “too old” for dressing up on Halloween or presents from Santa, it stops being a tradition in the house. 

The last time I dressed up and went out around my childhood neighborhood I had no idea it would be the last time. You never know when a tradition you’ve counted on for years will just stop. We get too busy, too old or too mature to care about the fun and exciting things in life. 

Nowadays on Halloween, I have to buy candy if I want to enjoy a treat instead of having buckets of it given to me for free like when I was a child. 

After watching scary movies, I have to be the one to check under the bed for monsters instead of having my parents do it for me. My roommates just won’t do it anymore either…weird. 

When discussing the future and growing up with fellow college students, I began by asking, “Are you scared of growing up?” and I seemed to receive a common answer. Generally a shrug or a nervous chuckle saying, “Aren’t we all?”

There seems to be a constant pressure looming over students in college to graduate on time and get the best internship to set yourself up for a job in the right career field. If you’re really worried about the future, sometimes the thought of finding a successful job in order to support a hypothetical family can nag at you too. 

It’s the 10th week of school, and in stressful times like these, the instinct to revert into a nostalgic wasteland is heavy; however, it’s important to understand that there are resources to help us combat these thoughts. 

First of all, the future might be scary and uninviting at times, but it brings growth and new possibilities along with it. If we’re not growing as a person, then what’s the point? We should commit time to something we’re passionate about. People who are happy in their jobs are doing things they’re passionate about and are making it work. 

Are you worried about future employment? Speak to your academic advisor or visit the Career Services office. Or find someone in the community pursuing the career you’re interested in and speak with them about how they got where they are today. 

It’s pretty easy to just sit there and worry all the time about things you can and can’t change. But from personal experience, you don’t really feel better about things until you take action into your own hands. 

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Growing Up Is Scary

We all have our dreams of what we’re going to do after high school whether it be going to college or finding work or even traveling the world for a while. The reality is that in the way of those dreams are nightmares (nightmares that come with growing up) I’m talking about becoming independent and making your own decisions. When we’re young we love to imagine how our lives are gonna be after high school and how we’re going to be getting away from our parents, having fun with our friends on the weekends not worrying about writing papers in school. The thing is life after high school is a scary thing to think about mostly having to make your own decisions and relying on yourself instead of your parents or friends. Once you hear these reasons it’ll make you want to get a happy meal to remind you of when you were a carefree kid. I’m sure we’ve all been there in our lives when we we’re hitting puberty, worrying about braces, getting zits and hair everywhere, and we just wanted to have our freedom and to be independent. Average whiney teenage girl: “You never let me do anything FUN! Or make my own decisions! OMG! UGH! I wish you would leave me alone! AND LET ME LIVE MY LIFE!!!!1! !!1! 2.” #I’msomature #itsmylife Average whiney teenage boy: “mom I don’t wanna pull my pants up , sagging and swaggin is what makes me ME it’s my style and I’m gonna grow up to be a rapper like Two-Pac Shake-your-butt and B.I.G E. FAT and lil’ puff-pants-party-pee-prince or whatever his name is this month” I’m sure many of us remember saying this or something similar when our parents wouldn’t let us go out. But at that age ‘making our own decisions’ and ‘being independent’ was just us in our adolescence wanting to go out with our friends not go to work from 6AM to 6PM, pay for our own cell phone bill and apply to college. Once you turn 18 you’re expected to be self-reliant and individual by society but what they didn’t tell you is you’re expected to be in debt from college loans, rent, insurance, having fun and so on. Another reason that makes growing up bad is everyone asking you what you wanna do when you grow and then question you’re decision like you’re planning to kidnap the president or something. Mom: “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” 5 year old child: “I wanna be a FBI agent” Mom: “how wonderful! Well just remember the sky’s the limit” Mom: “what do you wanna be when you grow up?” High school student: “I wanna be a FBI agent” Mom: “yeah… there’s no way you’ll ever be good enough for the FBI pick something else ” Isn’t that a weird thing to think about? I mean when we’re little we were told we could be whatever we wanted to be (like president or a football player) and then when we’re 18 we’re told to be something practical with a high income like a doctor or an architect. I’m not saying it’s bad to be contemplating what you’re gonna do after high school, but when everyone showers you with questions like • What are you gonna be? • How are you gonna be that? • Why do you want to be that? • How much are you going to get paid? • Where are you gonna go? • Are you moving out or what? • Do you even have a job? • Where do you see yourself in 5 years? • How are you gonna pay for the national debt? • How are you going to make our economy better? • What are you going to do to save the whales? • How are you going to make the future a better place for the children? • What are you going to do to improve global relations? • Why do I have so many questions? • What’s the meaning of life? Sure it can be overwhelming and stressing when you’re flooded with questions and have little answers at the moment but there upsides to growing up too. For one you get the freedom you always wished for as a teen and learn to be a responsible adult. Growing up may seem scary but when you’re planned for it and work hard to reach your goal it’s not so hard to be self-reliant and independent. Unfortunately some of us are less prepared than others and we want to go back to times of being a carefree kid hopefully you don’t turn out to be one of those people now if you’ll excuse me it’s lunch time. “Hey mom can I get a happy meal” Mom: “why do you want a happy meal when you’re 17?” “I just want to be reminded of when I was a carefree kid” Mom: “you just want the toy don’t you?” “Yes”

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essay about fear of growing up

Become a Writer Today

Essays About Growing Up: 5 Examples and 7 Prompts

Essays about growing up help us view and understand various experiences from different perspectives. Check out our top examples and prompts for your writing.

How do you know when you’ve finally grown up? Me, it happened when I was in high school. I realized I matured when I had no qualms about looking for ways to help my family financially. I didn’t think I had a choice, but at the same time, I desperately wanted to aid my parents in ensuring we had food on the table. 

I was a fast food crew member, a librarian, and many other odd jobs I could talk about for hours. Some judge my parents’ poor financial literacy when I tell my stories, but I never did. All of it was a part of my growing up; without these experiences, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. 

Growing up is a unique experience for every person, influenced by our surroundings and influences. With so many variables, each person has their own story about growing up; take a look below to see the best example and prompts to begin writing your own. You might also like these essays about youth .

5 Essay Examples

1. social influences on children’s growing up by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 2. growing up in the 626 by katie gee salisbury, 3. growing up in poverty determines the person’s fate by anonymous on gradesfixer.com, 4. growing up on the streets by writer bernadette, 5. growing up with hearing loss by anonymous on ivypanda.com, 1. what does growing up mean, 2. the effect of my environment on my growth, 3. growing up rich or poor, 4. family values and growing up, 5. growing up with siblings, 6. your best memories growing up, 7. changes while growing up.

“Human growth and development is a complicated process which is inevitably impacted upon by socioeconomic circumstances within which an individual is growing up.”

To demonstrate the social influences that can impact a child’s experiences growing up, the essay offers several credible citations from professionals, such as Damon and Lerner, the writer and editor of “ Handbook of Child Psychology .” It looks at how social factors, such as living conditions, access to resources, and others, can affect a child’s overall development as they grow. Ultimately, the writer believes that parents play a huge role in the development of their children. You can also check out these essays about development .

“Something welled up inside my throat. All of a sudden I felt a burning urgency to stake a claim, to assert that I was one of them, that I too belonged in this group. ‘Hey guys, I’m Chinese too,’ I ventured. A classmate who carpooled with my family was quick to counter, ‘Katie, that doesn’t count.'”

Salisbury shares her experiences as an overachieving Asian-American, focusing on her grievances at being biracial, not connecting to her heritage, and people’s assumption of her being white. She talks about her life in 626, the area code for Arcadia, Southern California, where most Asians reside. At the end of her essay, Salisbury offers facts about herself to the reader, recognizing and accepting every part of herself.

Looking for more? Check out these essays about time .

“Economic mobility is the ability of someone or a family to move up from one income group to another. In the United States, it is at an all-time low and is currently decreasing.”

The author shares their opinion on how a family’s financial situation shapes their children’s future. To back up their claim, the essay provides relevant statistics showing the number of children and families in poverty, alongside its dramatic effects on a child’s overall development. The writer mentions that a family’s economic incompetence can pass on to the children, reducing their chances of receiving a proper education.

“As a young black woman growing up on the hardcore streets of North Philadelphia, you have to strive and fight for everything. The negativity and madness can grab and swallow even the most well-behaved kids.”

Bernadette opens her readers’ eyes to the harsh realities of being a young black woman throughout her essay. However, she also expresses her gratitude to her family, who encouraged her to have a positive mindset. Her parents, who also grew up on the streets of North Philly, were determined to give her and her siblings a proper education. 

She knows how individuals’ environments impact their values ​​and choices, so she fought hard to endure her circumstances. She also notes that the lack of exposure to different social norms results in children having limited thinking and prevents them from entertaining new perspectives. You might be interested in these essays about dream jobs .

“The world is not accommodating to people with hearing disabilities: apart from professionals, barely anyone knows and understands sign language. On top of that, many are merely unaware of the fact that they might be hurting and making a deaf person feel disrespected.”

The essay discusses critical issues in children growing up with hearing impairments. It includes situations that show the difference between a child growing up in an all-deaf family and a non-deaf environment. While parental love and support are essential, deaf parents should consider hearing impairment a gift and be aware of their children’s needs. 

If you are interested in learning more, check out our essay writing tips !

7 Prompts for Essays About Growing Up

Growing up is a continuous sequence where we develop and experience significant changes in our bodies and how we think and feel. It’s the transition between being a child and an adult, so define what childhood and adulthood entail in your essay.

Then, describe how an individual grows up and the indications that they progressed physically and intellectually. For a fun addition to your essay, include questions your readers can answer to see if they have matured.

Essays About Growing Up: The effect of my environment on my growth

Many studies show how people’s environments, such as home, community, and school, affect growth. These environments significantly impact an individual’s development through interactions. For this prompt, write about the factors that influence your overall development and explain how you think they affected you. For example, those who studied at a religious school tend to be more conservative.

Money is essential for survival, but only some have easy access. Most people act and make decisions based on how much money they have, which also influences their behavior. In this prompt, cite several situations where money affects parents’ decisions about their children’s needs and wants and how it affects the children as they grow up.

Discuss how financial constraints impact their emotions, perceptions, and choices in life. Choose high, average, and low-income households, then compare and contrast their situations. To create an in-depth analysis, use interview research and statistical data to back up your arguments.

Studies show that children understand rules and have already formed their behaviors and attitudes at seven. Before this age, children are surrounded by relatives who teach them values through experiences within the family. For this prompt, use real-life examples and factual information to discuss the importance of good parenting in instilling good values ​​in children.

Essays About Growing Up: Growing up with siblings

Growing up with siblings is an entirely different experience growing up versus being an only child. Use this prompt to explain how having a brother or sister can impact a child’s progress and discuss its pros and cons. For instance, having siblings means the child has more role models and can get more emotional support. However, it can also mean that a child craves more of their parent’s attention. Discuss these points in your essay, and decide the “better” experience, for a fun argumentative essay.

In this essay, choose the best memories you had from childhood to the current day that has contributed significantly to your principles and outlook. Describe each memory and share how it changed you, for better or worse.

Talk about the changes people expect as they grow up. These physical, emotional, or mental changes lead people to act and think more maturely.  Add studies demonstrating the necessity of these changes and recount instances when you realize that you’ve grown up. For example, if before you didn’t care about your spending, now you’re more frugal and learned to save money. For help with your essay, check our round-up of best essay writing apps .

essay about fear of growing up

Maria Caballero is a freelance writer who has been writing since high school. She believes that to be a writer doesn't only refer to excellent syntax and semantics but also knowing how to weave words together to communicate to any reader effectively.

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Russia preparing for military confrontation with West, says Estonia

Estonian army reservists build a fence on a border with Russia near Meremae

Reporting by Andrius Sytas in Vilnius, editing by Ed Osmond

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Andrius covers politics and general news in the Baltics - Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania, the three key states along the NATO's eastern flank, the staunchest supporters of Ukraine and the most vocal critics of Russia in NATO and the European Union. He wrote stories on everything from China pressuring German companies to leave Taiwan-supporting Lithuania to Iraqi migrants hiding in the forest at the Belarus border to a farmer burning grain for heat during the energy crisis.

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Russian opposition leader Alexei Navalny died on Friday after collapsing and losing consciousness at the penal colony north of the Arctic Circle where he was serving a long jail term, the Russian prison service said.

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Senior US official warns of security threat amid reports of Russian nuclear capability in space

Republican House intelligence chair, Mike Turner, says Biden officials should declassify information about threat, while House speaker Mike Johnson says there was no need for panic

The head of the House intelligence committee, Mike Turner, has called for the Biden administration to declassify information on what he called a “serious national security threat”, which was later reported to involve Russian plans to deploy nuclear weapons in space.

In his statement, Turner, an Ohio Republican, gave no details about the supposed security threat.

Talking to reporters at the White House later on Wednesday, the national security adviser, Jake Sullivan, expressed surprise at Turner’s statement saying he was due to meet the “gang of eight” (congressional leaders with special security clearance for classified briefings) on Thursday. But Sullivan did not give any details of the planned meeting.

ABC News and the New York Times cited unnamed sources as saying that the security threat Turner was referring to involved Russia’s potential deployment of a nuclear anti-satellite weapon in space. The New York Times said US allies had also been briefed on the intelligence, which was not deemed to represent an urgent threat, as the alleged Russian capability was still in development.

It is not clear whether the new intelligence alert is connected to a Russian launch on 9 February of a Soyuz rocket carrying a classified defence ministry payload.

“Russia has been conducting several experiments with manoeuvring satellites that might be designed to sabotage other satellites,” Hans Kristensen, director of the nuclear information project at the Federation of American Scientists, said. He pointed out that any such deployment of nuclear weapons in space would violate the 1967 Outer Space Treaty, to which Moscow is a signatory.

“The issue is not so much about an increased nuclear weapons threat per se but that it would increase the threat against other countries’ space-based nuclear command and control assets. It would be highly destabilising.”

Pavel Podvig, an expert on Russian nuclear forces , said: “I am very skeptical (to put it mildly). Unfortunately, it’s impossible to categorically rule out anything these days. But still, I don’t think it’s plausible.”

Kristensen suggested that a Russian threat to put nuclear weapons in space, thus destroying yet another non-proliferation treaty, could be the latest in a long line of Vladimir Putin’s moves designed to add to pressure on the US and its allies to end their military support for Ukraine.

Daryl Kimball, the head of the Arms Control Association, said a nuclear anti-satellite weapon made little practical sense.

“You don’t need a nuclear weapon to blow up a satellite in orbit. All objects in space are so delicate, that you can do something with much less than a nuclear detonation,” Kimball said. “Plus, it’s completely illegal.”

The House speaker, Mike Johnson, said there was no need for panic over the alleged, unnamed threat. He said he was not allowed to discuss classified information but told reporters: “We just want to assure everyone steady hands are at the wheel. We’re working on it and there’s no need for alarm.”

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Fear and Ambition Propel Xi’s Nuclear Acceleration

China’s leader built up a nuclear arsenal, steeling for a growing rivalry with the United States. Now China is exploring how to wield its newfound strength.

Soldiers stand at attention as missiles roll by during a military parade.

By Chris Buckley

Reporting from Taipei, Taiwan

Nineteen days after taking power as China’s leader , Xi Jinping convened the generals overseeing the country’s nuclear missiles and issued a blunt demand. China had to be ready for possible confrontation with a formidable adversary, he said, signaling that he wanted a more potent nuclear capability to counter the threat.

Their force, he told the generals, was a “pillar of our status as a great power.” They must, Mr. Xi said, advance “strategic plans for responding under the most complicated and difficult conditions to military intervention by a powerful enemy,” according to an official internal summary of his speech in December 2012 to China’s nuclear and conventional missile arm, then called the Second Artillery Corps, which was verified by The New York Times .

Publicly, Mr. Xi’s remarks on nuclear matters have been sparse and formulaic. But his comments behind closed doors, revealed in the speech, show that anxiety and ambition have driven his transformative buildup of China’s nuclear weapons arsenal in the past decade.

From those early days, Mr. Xi signaled that a robust nuclear force was needed to mark China’s ascent as a great power. He also reflected fears that China’s relatively modest nuclear weaponry could be vulnerable against the United States — the “powerful enemy” — with its ring of Asian allies.

Now, as China’s nuclear options have grown, its military strategists are looking to nuclear weapons as not only a defensive shield, but as a potential sword — to intimidate and subjugate adversaries. Even without firing a nuclear weapon, China could mobilize or brandish its missiles, bombers and submarines to warn other countries against the risks of escalating into brinkmanship.

“A powerful strategic deterrent capability can force the enemy to pull back from rash action, subduing them without going to war,” Chen Jiaqi, a researcher at China’s National Defense University, wrote in a paper in 2021. “Whoever masters more advanced technologies, and develops strategic deterrent weapons that can leave others behind it in the dust, will have a powerful voice in times of peace and hold the initiative in times of war.”

This article draws on Mr. Xi’s internal speeches and dozens of People’s Liberation Army reports and studies, many in technical journals, to trace the motivations of China’s nuclear buildup. Some have been cited in recent studies of China’s nuclear posture ; many others have not been brought up before.

Mr. Xi has expanded the country’s atomic arsenal faster than any other Chinese leader, bringing his country closer to the big league of the United States and Russia. He has doubled the size of China’s arsenal to roughly 500 warheads , and at this rate, by 2035, it could have around 1,500 warheads — roughly as many as Washington and Moscow each now deploy, U.S. officials have said. (The United States and Russia each have thousands more warheads mothballed.)

China is also developing an increasingly sophisticated array of missiles, submarines, bombers and hypersonic vehicles that can deliver nuclear strikes. It has upgraded its nuclear test site in its far western Xinjiang region, clearing the way for possible new underground tests, perhaps if a superpower arms race breaks out.

A major shift in China’s nuclear power and doctrine could deeply complicate its competition with the United States. China’s expansion has already set off intense debate in Washington about how to respond, and it has cast greater doubt on the future of major arms control treaties. All while U.S.-Russian antagonism is also raising the prospect of a new era of nuclear rivalry.

Mr. Xi and President Biden have calmed rancor since last year, but finding nuclear stability may be elusive if Beijing stays outside of major arms control treaties while Washington squares off against both Beijing and Moscow.

Crucially, China’s growing nuclear options could shape the future of Taiwan — the island democracy that Beijing claims as its own territory and that relies on the United States for security backing. In the coming years, Beijing may gain confidence that it can limit the intervention of Washington and its allies in any conflict.

In deciding Taiwan’s fate, China’s “trump card” could be a “powerful strategic deterrence force” to warn that “any external intervention will not succeed and cannot possibly succeed,” Ge Tengfei, a professor at China’s National University of Defense Technology, wrote in a Communist Party journal in 2022.

Xi’s Nuclear Revolution

Since China first tested an atomic bomb in 1964, its leaders have said that they would never be “the first to use nuclear weapons” in a war. China, they reasoned, needed only a relatively modest set of nuclear weapons to credibly threaten potential adversaries that if their country was ever attacked with nuclear arms, it could wipe out enemy cities.

“In the long run, China’s nuclear weapons are just symbolic,” said Deng Xiaoping, China’s leader, in 1983, explaining Beijing’s stance to the visiting Canadian prime minister, Pierre Trudeau. “If China spent too much energy on them, we’d weaken ourselves.”

Even as China upgraded its conventional forces starting in the 1990s, its nuclear arsenal grew incrementally. When Mr. Xi took over as leader in 2012, China had about 60 intercontinental ballistic missiles capable of hitting the United States.

China was already increasingly challenging its neighbors in territorial disputes and saw danger in the Obama administration’s efforts to shore up U.S. power across the Asia-Pacific. In a speech in late 2012, Mr. Xi warned his commanders that the United States was “stepping up strategic containment and encirclement around us.”

Beijing worried, too, that its nuclear deterrent was weakening. Chinese military analysts warned that the People’s Liberation Army’s missiles were growing vulnerable to detection and destruction as the United States made advances in military technology and built alliances in Asia.

Official Chinese accounts of history reinforced that fear. People’s Liberation Army studies often dwell on the Korean War and crises over Taiwan in the 1950s, when American leaders hinted that they could drop atomic bombs on China. Such memories have entrenched views in Beijing that the United States is inclined to use “nuclear blackmail.”

“We must have sharp weapons to protect ourselves and killer maces that others will fear,” Mr. Xi told People’s Liberation Army armaments officers in late 2014.

Late in 2015, he took a big step in upgrading China’s nuclear force. In his green suit as chairman of China’s military, he presided over a ceremony in which the Second Artillery Corps, the custodian of China’s nuclear missiles, was reborn as the Rocket Force, elevated to a service alongside the army, navy and air force.

The Rocket Force’s mission, Mr. Xi told its commanders , included “enhancing a credible and reliable nuclear deterrent and nuclear counterstrike capability” — that is, an ability to survive an initial attack and hit back with devastating force.

From Tunnels to Silo Fields

China is not only on a quest for more warheads. It is also focused on concealing and shielding the warheads, and on being able to launch them more quickly and from land, sea or air. The newly elevated Rocket Force has added a powerful voice to that effort.

Researchers from the Rocket Force wrote in a study in 2017 that China should emulate the United States and seek “nuclear forces sufficient to balance the new global situation, and ensure that our country can win the initiative in future wars.”

China’s nuclear deterrent long relied heavily on units dug into tunnels deep in remote mountains . Soldiers are trained to go into hiding in tunnels for weeks or months , deprived of sunlight, regular sleep and fresh air while they try to stay undetected by enemies, according to medical studies of their grueling routine.

“If war comes,” said a Chinese state television report in 2018, “this nuclear arsenal that shuttles underground will break cover where the enemy least expects and fire off its missiles.”

The Rocket Force expanded quickly, adding at least 10 new brigades, an increase of about one-third, within a few years, according to a study published by the U.S. Air Force’s China Aerospace Studies Institute. China has also added more road- and rail-mobile missile launchers to try to outfox American satellites and other detection technology.

Chinese fears of American abilities have nonetheless remained. Even as China was rolling out road-mobile missiles, some experts from the People’s Liberation Army argued that they could be tracked by ever more sophisticated satellites.

A solution, some analysts from the Rocket Force argued in 2021, was to also build clusters of launch silos for missiles, forcing U.S. forces to try to detect which ones housed real missiles and which ones had dummies, making it “even harder to wipe them out in one blow.”

Other Chinese studies made similar arguments for silos, and Mr. Xi and his commanders seemed to heed them. The boldest move so far in his nuclear expansion has been three vast fields of 320 or so missile silos built in northern China. The silos, safely distant from U.S. conventional missiles, can hold missiles capable of hitting the United States.

The expansion, though, has hit turbulence. Last year, Mr. Xi abruptly replaced the Rocket Force’s two top commanders, an unexplained shake-up that suggests its growth has been troubled by corruption. This year, nine senior Chinese military officers were expelled from the legislature , indicating a widening investigation.

The upheaval could slow China’s nuclear weapons plans in the short term, but Mr. Xi’s long-term ambitions appear set. At a Communist Party congress in 2022, he declared that China must keep building its “strategic deterrence forces.”

And even with hundreds of new silos, Chinese military analysts find new sources of worry. Last year, Chinese rocket engineers proposed reinforcing silos to better shield missiles from precision attacks. “Only that can make sure that the our side is able to deliver a lethal counterstrike in the event of a nuclear attack,” they wrote.

Tough Decisions

Chinese leaders have said that they want peaceful unification with Taiwan, but may use force if they deem that other options are spent. If Beijing moved to seize Taiwan, the United States could intervene to defend the island, and China may calculate that its expanded nuclear arsenal could present a potent warning.

Chinese military officers have issued blustery warnings of nuclear retaliation over Taiwan before. Now, China’s threats could carry more weight.

Its expanding array of missiles, submarines and bombers could convey credible threats to not just cities in the continental United States, but to American military bases on, say, Japan or Guam. The risk of a conventional clash spiraling into nuclear confrontation could hang over decisions. Chinese military analysts have argued that Russian nuclear warnings constrained NATO countries in their response to the invasion of Ukraine.

“The ladder of escalation that they can apply now is much more nuanced,” said Bates Gill , the executive director of Asia Society Policy Institute’s Center for China Analysis. “The implicit message is not just: ‘We could nuke Los Angeles.’ Now it’s also: ‘We could wipe out Guam, and you don’t want to risk escalation if we do.’”

Beijing’s options include 200 or so DF-26 missile launchers , which can swap between conventional and nuclear warheads and hit targets across Asia. Chinese official media have described Rocket Force units practicing such swaps , and boasted during a military parade about the missile’s dual convention-nuclear role — the kind of disclosure meant to spook rivals.

In a real confrontation, Washington could face difficult decisions over whether potential targets for strikes in China may include nuclear-armed missile units, and in an extreme whether an incoming DF-26 missile may be nuclear.

“That’s going to be a really tough decision for any U.S. president — to trust that whatever advice he’s getting is not risking nuclear escalation for the sake of Taiwan,” said John K. Culver , a former C.I.A. senior analyst who studies the Chinese military. “As soon as the U.S. starts bombing mainland China, no one is going to be able to tell the U.S. president with conviction exactly where China’s line is.”

Chris Buckley , the chief China correspondent for The Times, reports on China and Taiwan from Taipei, focused on politics, social change and security and military issues. More about Chris Buckley

Israel’s war on Gaza update: Hezbollah-Israel cross-border fire intensifies

With Israel eyeing Rafah assault, fears of regional conflict grow as Hezbollah and Israeli military step up clashes.

Blood stains cover the ground next to a a car wrecked in a reported Israeli drone attack, as Lebanese army soldiers secure the area in the village of Jadra between Beirut and the southern city of Sidon

This live page is now closed. Follow along with our ongoing coverage of Israel’s war on Gaza here .

  • Dozens of trapped people flee Nasser Hospital during deadly sniper attacks after Israeli forces ordered hundreds to evacuate.
  • Israel launches “extensive wave of attacks” on southern Lebanon after “deep” rocket strikes kill one and wound eight others. Lebanon’s Hezbollah says one of its fighters killed in Israeli response.
  • UN chief Antonio Guterres condemns an Israeli drone attack on two journalists in Gaza that left both men in critical condition.
  • Israel’s attacks on Gaza have killed at least 28,576 Palestinians and wounded 68,291 others since October 7. The death toll in Israel from the October 7 Hamas-led attacks stands at 1,139.

Thanks for joining us

To learn more about diplomatic efforts to end Israel’s war on Gaza, watch this .

And you can always read more about the conflict  here .

Here’s what happened today

We will be closing the live blog soon. Here’s a recap of the day’s main events.

  • Israel carried out a series of air strikes in Lebanon following a Hezbollah strike that killed an Israeli soldier on a base in northern Israel. Several Lebanese civilians were killed, marking one of the bloodiest days since Hezbollah and Israel began trading fire at the beginning of the war on Gaza.
  • More than 1,500 patients, medical workers, and displaced people remain trapped in Khan Younis’s Nasser Hospital, which Israeli forces have ordered evacuated. Reports have emerged of dire conditions and people coming under fire from Israeli forces, and the World Health Organization says it has been blocked from the facility since January 29.
  • A report by the Israeli human rights group B’Tselem has found that Israeli authorities are using the war on Gaza to crack down on Palestinian agricultural activities in the occupied West Bank, part of a trend of heightened repression there.
  • The Biden administration says that Israel is refusing to allow vital shipments of flour into Gaza, despite previous reassurances. Under Israel’s assault, large portions of Gaza’s population are facing acute food insecurity and famine.

WATCH: Families left with memories of cousins killed by Israeli snipers

Three-year-old Imad Abu Al-Qare’a and his cousin Hadeel were killed by Israeli snipers.

Now, their families only have memories of the two.

Watch our video to learn about their lives and how they were killed:

Biden shields Palestinians in US from deportation 

The US president has signed a decree to protect Palestinians in the country from deportation for 18 months because of the deteriorating conditions in Gaza and the rest of the Palestinian territories.

“While I remain focused on improving the humanitarian situation, many civilians remain in danger; therefore, I am directing the deferral of removal of certain Palestinians who are present in the United States,” Biden says in the order.

Palestinians convicted of a felony, deemed a “danger to public safety” or whose presence is determined to have “potentially serious adverse foreign policy consequences” will not be protected by the decree.

Biden, a staunch supporter of Israel’s war on Gaza, also ordered the Department of Homeland Security to issue work permits for Palestinians who fall under the order.

U.S. President Joe Biden holds a campaign rally ahead of the state's Democratic presidential primary, in Las Vegas, Nevada, U.S.

Al Jazeera’s Ismail Abu Omar in ‘dangerous’ condition

Our colleagues at Al Jazeera Arabic report, citing medical sources, that the health condition of Ismail Abu Omar, the network’s injured correspondent in Gaza, has taken a turn for the worse after he experienced bleeding and a drastic drop in blood pressure.

Abu Omar and cameraman Ahmad Matar were severely wounded in an Israeli attack yesterday.

Al Jazeera’s Moamen Al Sharafi described Abu Omar’s status as “dangerous”.

“His situation deteriorated suddenly over the past couple of hours, unfortunately. We had spoken to him yesterday and today, and he appeared to be in stable condition,” Al Sharafi said, adding that Abu Omar will undergo an emergency medical operation at the European Hospital near Khan Younis.

In videotaped remarks earlier, Abu Omar professed that Gaza journalists “will continue the coverage” despite Israeli attacks.

PRCS shows ambulance riddled with Israeli bullet holes

The Palestine Red Crescent has shared a video via X that it says shows one of its ambulances that was severely damaged at the hands of Israeli soldiers.

The video clearly shows bullet holes in the front windscreen of the ambulance.

The PRCS says that the ambulance was shot at and its crew assaulted “while they were attempting to transfer oxygen cylinders from Nasser Hospital to Al-Amal Hospital about a week ago”.

Per the Geneva Convention governing the laws of war, medical transports are to be respected and protected in all circumstances.

A video shows the Israeli occupation targeting a Palestine Red Crescent ambulance directly with gunfire and brutally assaulting its crew while they were attempting to transfer oxygen cylinders from Nasser Hospital to Al-Amal Hospital about a week ago. The occupation claimed at… pic.twitter.com/F6M8YXvKrq — PRCS (@PalestineRCS) February 14, 2024

Israel says latest South Africa ICJ measure serves Hamas

Israel has said that South Africa “continues to represent the interests of the Hamas terrorist organisation” after the country asked the ICJ, where Israel faces allegations of committing genocidal acts in its campaign in Gaza, to consider additional steps against an anticipated Israeli assault on Rafah.

More than half of Gaza’s population has been forced to seek shelter in the city near the border with Egypt, many of them moving there following evacuation orders from Israel in other parts of the Strip.

“South Africa continues to represent the interests of the Hamas terrorist organisation and is trying to deny Israel the fundamental right to defend itself and its citizens,” said Israeli Foreign Ministry spokesperson Lior Haiat.

Rafah assault would be fulfillment of Israeli promise to ‘flatten the strip’

While Israel has said that it will seek the evacuation of the hundreds of thousands of displaced Palestinians trapped in Rafah before launching a military operation there, Middle East specialist Hafsa Halawa says Israel’s destructive campaign has rendered much of Gaza unlivable.

“It [Rafah] sits right at the border with Egypt. It’s seen by the Egyptians as a major breach of their national security, and ultimately it brings the question of where will these 1.3 to 1.4 million people go?” Halawa told Al Jazeera’s Inside Story programme.

“The rest of Gaza is effectively uninhabitable, there are no services, we’ve heard the talk of famine for months now, and now we’re at a stage where this is really the Israeli government enacting what they promised on the first week after the attacks of October 7, which is to flatten the Strip.”

Tent city in Rafah

Israeli raid on south Lebanon kills four

An Israeli attack on the city of Nabatieh has killed four people from the same family, Lebanon’s state-run National News Agency reports.

The agency said the victims included Hussein Berjawi, his wife and two children. Several Lebanese journalists and activists shared photos of Amani Berjawi, a young woman killed in the attack who worked at the Lebanese International University.

Today has seen some of the most widespread Israeli bombings in Lebanon since the outbreak of the war on Gaza. A Hezbollah attack on northern Israel earlier had killed an Israeli soldier and injured several others.

Israeli leaders have pledged to push Hezbollah off Israel’s northern border, including by force if necessary. Hezbollah has said that its military operations against Israel will stop when the Israeli assault on Gaza ends.

PHOTOS: Hezbollah shows off what it says is captured Israeli drone

The Lebanese group has released a video via its Telegram channel showing a drone it says was captured while flying near the Lebanese border late last week.

The model of the drone is the Skylark I-LEX, which per manufacturer Elbit Systems is an aerial reconnaissance drone.

In the video, writing in Hebrew can clearly be seen on the drone.

Captured Israeli drone

Palestinian diplomat shares details of Israel’s killing of his relatives

Husam Zomlot, ambassador to the UK, has identified the Palestinian girl who was found hanging from a wall in Gaza, half of her body severed, as his wife’s cousin.

Seven-year-old Sidra Hassouna was killed along with her family when Israel shelled a residential building in Rafah. The family had been displaced from the north of Gaza and took shelter in the south.

“My wife’s aunt Suzan, her husband Fouzy Hassouna, two of their sons, Muhammad and Karam, Karam’s wife Amouna and her three children [7-year-old twins Sidra and Suzan, and 15-month-old Malik] were all killed,” Zomlot wrote on X.

This is 7 year old Sidra, the cousin of my wife. The impact of the Israeli missile was so powerful it flung her out, leaving her mutilated body dangling from the ruins of the destroyed building in Rafah 48 hours ago. My wife’s aunt Suzan, her husband Fouzy Hassouna, two of their… pic.twitter.com/0RFgyPUdzu — Husam Zomlot (@hzomlot) February 14, 2024

Marwan Barghouti moved from Ofer prison to isolation, Ben-Gvir confirms

The Palestinian leader who is currently incarcerated in an Israeli prison has been placed in isolation because he allegedly has been using his contacts and influence to encourage the outbreak of a third Intifada in the West Bank, National Security Minister Itamar Ben-Gvir says on X.

Barghouti, who was imprisoned during the second Intifada, consistently tops polls on the question of succession following current PA President Mahmoud Abbas.

Marwan Barghouti

Why hasn’t US Congress passed Israel funding?

The White House has once again called on legislators to pass a foreign funding bill that includes $14bn for Israel. Although Israel enjoys bipartisan support on Capitol Hill, Congress has struggled to approve the assistance amid conflicting agendas in Washington.

For a bill to pass in Congress, it has to be approved by both the House of Representatives and the Senate. Then it goes to the desk of the president. If he signs it, it goes into law.

This week, the Senate approved the Israel funding bill, which also includes billions in aid for Ukraine and Taiwan as well as funds for humanitarian assistance for Gaza and the West Bank.

But Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson has said he will not allow the legislation, which would be likely to pass in the chamber, to come to a vote because it fails to strengthen the security of the southern US border.

Conversely, the House had passed a $17bn assistance bill for Israel, but Democrats, who control the Senate, blocked it because it does not include funding for Ukraine.

Bottom line, the overwhelming majority of US legislators want more US taxpayer funds for Israel despite allegations of genocide in Gaza. However, the issue has been caught in a complex web of political priorities, including aid to Ukraine and immigration policy.

mj

Medical workers and patients still trapped in Nasser Hospital

The situation remains critical at Nasser Hospital in Khan Younis amid reports of Israeli forces consistently firing on the facility after issuing evacuation orders.

“The Israeli forces have been completely surrounding the medical facility as they are also telling people to flee from the hospital under very intense bombardment in the city of Khan Younis,” Al Jazeera correspondent Tareq Abu Azzoum reported from Rafah.

“There are still people, alongside medical workers, trapped inside the facility and the medical complex as they continue caring for patients,” he added.

If you’re just joining us

It is now 10:45pm (20:45 GMT) in the occupied Palestinian territories and Israel. Here are some of the latest developments:

  • The Gaza Health Ministry says the Israeli army has asked “the administration of Nasser Medical Complex to evacuate the remaining displaced persons. More than 1,500 displaced people are still inside”.
  • White House National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan says the Israeli government has not allowed shipments of flour into Gaza despite promises to the US government.
  • A WHO spokesperson says the UN agency has been denied access to Nasser Hospital in Khan Younis since January 29.
  • Houthi-affiliated media have reported new rounds of US and UK strikes on targets inside Yemen.

US ‘devastated’ by killing of Palestinian-American teen by Israel

The US State Department’s Office of Palestinian Affairs has decried the killing of 17-year-old Mohammad Ahmad Khdour, who was fatally shot by Israeli forces this week.

“The United States has no greater priority than the safety and security of US citizens. We urgently call for a quick, thorough, and transparent investigation, including full accountability,” the office said in a social media post.

The statement echoes Washington’s calls for an investigation into the killing of Tawfiq Ajaq, another 17-year-old US citizen killed in the West Bank last month. But Israel rarely holds its forces and settlers accountable for attacking Palestinians.

In 2022, Israel also killed two US citizens: Al Jazeera correspondent Shireen Abu Akleh and Omar Assad .

US President Joe Biden is currently working with Congress to secure $14bn in additional aid for Israel.

We are devastated by the killing of 17-year-old U.S. citizen Mohammad Ahmad Khdour. The United States has no greater priority than the safety and security of U.S. citizens. We urgently call for a quick, thorough, and transparent investigation, including full accountability. pic.twitter.com/RqIXdWG3sj — U.S. Office of Palestinian Affairs (@USPalAffairs) February 14, 2024

Israeli foreign minister says UNRWA cannot be part of Gaza aid distribution

Israeli Foreign Minister Israel Katz has told German counterpart Annalena Baerbock that UNRWA cannot be part of humanitarian assistance in Gaza “under any circumstances”. The remarks come as Israel blocks vital shipments of humanitarian assistance for Gaza, claiming that the UN agency collaborates with Hamas.

Several nations, including Germany, suspended aid to UNRWA, which the UN has said plays an indispensable role in humanitarian efforts in Gaza, following Israeli allegations that a handful of the agency’s employees took part in the October 7 attacks. Israel has not offered any evidence for the claim.

“We discussed ways to ensure that the humanitarian aid does not reach the hands of the Hamas murderers – and I told her that UNRWA cannot under any circumstances be part of the aid and that other alternatives must be found. UNRWA is the problem, not the solution,” Katz said in a social media post after the meeting.

a child sits on white bags and is pushed by an adult

Israeli crimes ‘igniting’ West Bank: Palestinian ministry

The Ministry of Foreign Affairs has condemned the “Israeli army and settler crimes” in the occupied West Bank, including East Jerusalem, including the continuing home demolitions and land confiscation.

“The Israeli government is challenging all calls and efforts to establish calm in the occupied West Bank. It is leading us down a path that widens the conflict,” a statement read.

“The international community’s failure to put an end to the genocide in Gaza and the violations by settlers and the occupation in the West Bank is encouraging the Israeli government to persist in carrying out its crimes.”

Israeli army chief: ‘We are now focused on being ready for war in the north’

Chief of Staff Herzi Halevi says the army is preparing for war in the north, in a reference to Lebanon.

“We are now focused on being ready for war in the north. If it does not end in war, it will not end with any compromise to the achievements,” he says.

“We are intensifying the strikes all the time, and Hezbollah are paying an increasingly heavy price. The next campaign will have a very strong offensive, and we will use all of our tools and capabilities,” Halevi continues.

Germany says Israeli assault on Rafah would be ‘humanitarian catastrophe’

German Foreign Minister Annalena Baerbock has said that an Israeli assault on Rafah would be a humanitarian disaster, with more than one million Palestinian trapped with nowhere to flee.

During a visit to Israel, Baerbock told reporters in Jerusalem: “1.3 million people are waiting there in a very small space. They don’t really have anywhere else to go right now … If the Israeli army were to launch an offensive on Rafah under these conditions, it would be a humanitarian catastrophe.”

Islamic Jihad says it fired rockets towards Israeli towns around Gaza

The Quds Brigades, the armed wing of the Palestinian group, says it launched the rocket attack at 9pm local time (19:00 GMT).

Separately, Israeli newspaper Haaretz reported that rocket alarms were activated in Zikim and Ashkelon in southern Israel.

UN says ‘dangerous’ escalation in Lebanon must stop

The United Nations has expressed concern about mounting tensions on the border between Israel and Lebanon, following a series of deadly exchanges earlier today.

“The recent escalation is dangerous indeed and should stop,” UN secretary-general spokesperson Stephane Dujarric said, adding that peacekeepers from the UN mission in Lebanon had noticed “a concerning shift in the exchanges of fire between the Israeli armed forces and armed groups in Lebanon”.

Health Ministry: State of panic persists among those present at Nasser Hospital

Gaza Health Ministry spokesperson Dr Ashraf al-Qudra has given an update on the situation at Nasser Medical Complex in Khan Younis, which has been under Israeli attack for nearly three weeks.

Here are a few key things he said:

  • The Israeli occupation asks the administration of Nasser Medical Complex to evacuate the remaining displaced persons. More than 1,500 displaced people are still inside.
  • 190 Nasser Medical Complex staff and 299 of their family members are still inside it.
  • 273 patients who cannot move and 327 companions are still present in the departments of Nasser Medical Complex.
  • ▪️Sewage water is flooding the emergency department and we need coordination to maintain the sewage network. Medical and non-medical waste accumulates in departments and hospital courtyards, which threatens a health disaster.
  • The countdown begins for the electrical generators to stop within 72 hours at the latest.
  • A severe shortage of drinking water, personal hygiene water, and dialysis as a result of targeting water tanks, their breakdown, and the inability to maintain them.

Israeli raid hits Nabatieh, deep inside south Lebanon

Several Lebanese media outlets reported the attack, but it remains unclear what the target was.

Earlier today, Israel carried out air raids on several villages in the Nabatieh governorate, but targeting the city itself could prove to be an escalatory move.

We will bring you more information as we receive it.

Top US official confirms Israel not allowing flour into Gaza

White House National Security Adviser Jake Sullivan says the Israeli government has not allowed the aid into Gaza despite promises to the US government.

Sullivan also addressed the expected Rafah offensive, the possible truce deal and Lebanon escalation. Here’s what he had to say:

  • “That flour has not moved the way that we had expected it would move, and we expect that Israel will follow through on its commitment to get that flour into Gaza.”
  • The US is asking Israel to formulate a “credible” plan for its Rafah assault that would consider: protecting civilians in the crowded city, ensuring the flow of aid and the proximity of the fighting to the Egyptian border.
  • “Innocent civilians in Gaza suffered extraordinary pain and loss these last four months.”
  • The US backs an extended pause in the fighting through a captives deal, but wants to see Hamas “ultimately defeated”.
  • Washington will continue to work to ensure that Israelis are safe from the “threat” of Hezbollah at the country’s northern border.

Fears grow in Gazan city of Rafah ahead of potential Israel ground operation

Over 1 million Palestinians have fled to Rafah to avoid the fighting.

TEL AVIV and LONDON -- Before war erupted between Israel and Hamas in October, the city of Rafah in the southern Gaza Strip was home to around 250,000 people. Now, the population has swelled to an estimated 1.4 million, according to the United Nations, and residents are living in fear of a potentially major Israeli military ground operation on the horizon.

Rafah has been earmarked as the next area to be targeted by Israeli ground forces, similar to what has already been seen in Gaza City and Khan Younis further north.

MORE: As Israel warned Gaza civilians to evacuate, IDF bombs struck city described as sanctuary

“We will fight until complete victory and this includes a powerful action also in Rafah after we allow the civilian population to leave the battle zones,” Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu said Wednesday in a post on X, formerly known as Twitter.

"The areas that we've cleared north of Rafah are -- plenty of areas there, but we are working out a detailed plan to do so, and that's what we've done up to now," Netanyahu told ABC's "This Week" on Sunday. "We're not, we're not cavalier about this. This is part of our war effort to get civilians out of harm's way. It's part of Hamas' effort to keep them in harm's way. But we've so far succeeded, and we're going to succeed again. Those who say that under no circumstances should we enter Rafah are basically saying, lose the war, keep Hamas there."

Last week, Netanyahu requested the Israeli military to come up with a “dual plan” to evacuate the civilian population in Rafah before “disbanding” Hamas battalions allegedly located there, according to his office.

The Israeli military has not yet issued a formal evacuation order to the residents of Rafah, which was once thought of as a safe zone amid the fighting in Gaza. Many of those currently living there have been displaced more than once since the war began, according to the International Committee of the Red Cross. Satellite imagery obtained by ABC News shows a sprawling tent city in Rafah that has expanded around the outskirts to accommodate the refugee population.

The Israeli military launched a daring raid in Rafah that freed two Israeli hostages from an apartment building where they were held captive in the city on Monday. A wave of Israeli airstrikes accompanying the raid killed dozens of people, according to Gaza’s Hamas-run Ministry of Health. Around 100 hostages are still believed to be held by Hamas and other Palestinian militant groups in Gaza, according to Israeli officials.

MORE: Visual analysis shows 60% of Gaza now under evacuation orders

PHOTO: PALESTINIAN-ISRAEL-CONFLICT-DISPLACED

Abdullah Abu Adra, a resident living in Rafah, told ABC News an explosion caused part of his roof to fall in. He said his hand was injured, and, although his children were not hurt, he said they "did not stop crying." The sound of bombing was "everywhere" during the strikes, he said.

“Where shall we go? Where shall we go?” Abu Adra said. “By God, it is a terrifying thing. To be honest, by God, they say there is still safe areas. Where is it?”

In response to criticism about the impact of the war on the civilian population, Israel has said Hamas deliberately hides among civilians and bears responsibility for the casualties. Hamas has denied that its group members shelter behind civilians.

The United Nations’ top court has ordered Israel to do all it can to prevent the deaths of civilians during its military operations in Gaza. Meanwhile, the United States has publicly called on Israel to come up with a realistic plan to protect civilians if its ground forces enter Rafah, and multiple aid agencies have sounded the alarm over the potentially “catastrophic” consequences. Other countries -- including the U.K., France, Germany and Canada -- have issued warnings and urged for a cease-fire.

ABC News has verified several videos showing columns of people leaving Rafah in anticipation of the possible assault.

MORE: Some Gazans say they're forced to use bird feed in place of flour

“Military operations in Rafah could lead to a slaughter in Gaza,” Martin Griffiths, the U.N.’s Under-Secretary-General for Humanitarian Affairs and Emergency Relief Coordinator, said in a statement Tuesday. “They could also leave an already fragile humanitarian operation at death’s door … The international community has been warning against the dangerous consequences of any ground invasion in Rafah. The Government of Israel cannot continue to ignore these calls.”

Negotiations between the warring sides on a potential cease-fire and hostage deal currently were held in Egypt this week, offering to a glimmer of hope for the people of Rafah. But many are still fearing the worst.

“I feel that it’s over,” Rama Radmi Abu Al-Ainin, a 10-year-old Palestinian girl staying in one of Rafah’s many crowded shelters, told ABC News on Wednesday. “That now any second we will become martyrs.”

ABC News' Samy Zayara contributed to this report.

Related Topics

  • Israel-Hamas at war

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  1. Why People Fear Growing Up and Functioning as Adults

    There are five major aspects to the fear of growing up: Symbolic separation from parents and other individuals who have offered some sense of security. This occurs as we mature, form a new and ...

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    It's responsibility and sacrifice and this panicky feeling in your stomach that you're behind everyone else your age. But it's also amazing. It just might not be what we envisioned. Being scared to grow up is natural. Every day, you're diving into uncharted territory. Every year, you're changing and evolving and taking on new challenges.

  3. MY FEAR OF GROWING UP, MATURITY AND RESPONSIBILITY: AN ESSAY ...

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    Withdrawing from friends and family. Excess fatigue, changes in appetite, and changes in sleep. Avoiding people, places, or situations due to feelings of anxiety or fear. If you are experiencing such symptoms, it is important to talk to a doctor or mental health professional about how you are feeling.

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    In the face of the fear of growing up, we can help to bring hope, excitement, and victory back into our kids' lives. God's word is full of wisdom, and we must not take it for granted. Estimated reading time: 6 minutes. Growing up is a part of life. It's a progression and yet, kids find themselves afraid of the very thing they desire ...

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  8. Why Are People Afraid to Grow Up?

    1. Symbolic separation from parents and other individuals who have offered some sense of security. This occurs as we mature, form a new and different identity, choose our own path in life and establish new relationships. These types of separation experiences can arouse a sense of loss related and fear.

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