essay on facebook kills face to face conversation

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How smartphones are killing conversation, a q&a with mit professor sherry turkle about her new book, reclaiming conversation ..

What happens when we become too dependent on our mobile phones? According to MIT sociologist Sherry Turkle, author of the new book Reclaiming Conversation , we lose our ability to have deeper, more spontaneous conversations with others, changing the nature of our social interactions in alarming ways.

Turkle has spent the last 20 years studying the impacts of technology on how we behave alone and in groups. Though initially excited by technology’s potential to transform society for the better, she has become increasingly worried about how new technologies, cell phones in particular, are eroding the social fabric of our communities.

In her previous book, the bestselling Alone Together , she articulated her fears that technology was making us feel more and more isolated, even as it promised to make us more connected. Since that book came out in 2012, technology has become even more ubiquitous and entwined with our modern existence. Reclaiming Conversation is Turkle’s call to take a closer look at the social effects of cell phones and to re-sanctify the role of conversation in our everyday lives in order to preserve our capacity for empathy , introspection, creativity, and intimacy.

I interviewed Turkle by phone to talk about her book and some of the questions it raises. Here is an edited version of our conversation.

Jill Suttie: Your new book warns that cell phones and other portable communication technology are killing the art of conversation. Why did you want to focus on conversation, specifically?

Sherry Turkle: Because conversation is the most human and humanizing thing that we do. It’s where empathy is born, where intimacy is born—because of eye contact, because we can hear the tones of another person’s voice, sense their body movements, sense their presence. It’s where we learn about other people. But, without meaning to, without having made a plan, we’ve actually moved away from conversation in a way that my research was showing is hurting us.

JS: How are cell phones and other technologies hurting us?

ST: Eighty-nine percent of Americans say that during their last social interaction, they took out a phone, and 82 percent said that it deteriorated the conversation they were in. Basically, we’re doing something that we know is hurting our interactions.

I’ll point to a study. If you put a cell phone into a social interaction, it does two things: First, it decreases the quality of what you talk about, because you talk about things where you wouldn’t mind being interrupted, which makes sense, and, secondly, it decreases the empathic connection that people feel toward each other.

So, even something as simple as going to lunch and putting a cell phone on the table decreases the emotional importance of what people are willing to talk about, and it decreases the connection that the two people feel toward one another. If you multiply that by all of the times you have a cell phone on the table when you have coffee with someone or are at breakfast with your child or are talking with your partner about how you’re feeling, we’re doing this to each other 10, 20, 30 times a day.

JS: So, why are humans so vulnerable to the allure of the cell phone, if it’s actually hurting our interactions?

ST: Cell phones make us promises that are like gifts from a benevolent genie—that we will never have to be alone, that we will never be bored, that we can put our attention wherever we want it to be, and that we can multitask, which is perhaps the most seductive of all. That ability to put your attention wherever you want it to be has become the thing people want most in their social interactions—that feeling that you don’t have to commit yourself 100 percent and you can avoid the terror that there will be a moment in an interaction when you’ll be bored.

Actually allowing yourself a moment of boredom is crucial to human interaction and it’s crucial to your brain as well. When you’re bored, your brain isn’t bored at all—it’s replenishing itself, and it needs that down time.

We’re very susceptible to cell phones, and we even get a neurochemical high from the constant stimulation that our phones give us.

I’ve spent the last 20 years studying how compelling technology is, but you know what? We can still change. We can use our phones in ways that are better for our kids, our families, our work, and ourselves. It’s the wrong analogy to say we’re addicted to our technology. It’s not heroin.

JS: One thing that struck me in your book was that many people who you interviewed talked about the benefits of handling conflict or difficult emotional issues online. They said they could be more careful with their responses and help decrease interpersonal tensions. That seems like a good thing. What’s the problem with that idea?

ST: It was a big surprise when I did the research for my book to learn how many people want to dial down fighting or dealing with difficult emotional issues with a partner or with their children by doing it online.

But let’s take the child example. If you do that with your child, if you only deal with them in this controlled way, you are basically playing into your child’s worst fear—that their truth, their rage, their unedited feelings, are something that you can’t handle. And that’s exactly what a parent shouldn’t be saying to a child. Your child doesn’t need to hear that you can’t take and accept and honor the intensity of their feelings.

People need to share their emotions—I feel very strongly about this. I understand why people avoid conflict, but people who use this method end up with children who think that the things they feel aren’t OK. There’s a variant of this, which is interesting, where parents give their children robots to talk to or want their children to talk to Siri, because somehow that will be a safer place to get out their feelings. Again, that’s exactly what your child doesn’t need.

JS: Some studies seem to show that increased social media use actually increases social interaction offline. I wonder how this squares with your thesis?

ST: How I interpret that data is that if you’re a social person, a socially active person, your use of social media becomes part of your social profile. And I think that’s great. My book is not anti-technology; it’s pro-conversation. So, if you find that your use of social media increases your number of face-to-face conversations, then I’m 100 percent for it.

Another person who might be helped by social media is someone who uses it for taking baby steps toward meeting people for face-to-face conversations. If you’re that kind of person, I’m totally supportive. 

I’m more concerned about people for whom social media becomes a kind of substitute, who literally post something on Facebook and just sit there and watch whether they get 100 likes on their picture, whose self-worth and focus becomes dictated by how they are accepted, wanted, and desired by social media.

And I’m concerned about the many other situations in which you and I are talking at a dinner party with six other people, and everyone is texting at the meal and applying the “three-person rule”—that three people have to have their heads up before anyone feels it’s safe to put their head down to text. In this situation, where everyone is both paying attention and not paying attention, you end up with nobody talking about what’s really on their minds in any serious, significant way, and we end up with trivial conversations, not feeling connected to one another.

JS: You also write about how conversation affects the workplace environment. Aren’t conversations just distractions to getting work done? Why support conversation at work?

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ST: In the workplace, you need to create sacred spaces for conversation because, number one, conversation actually increases the bottom line. All the studies show that when people are allowed to talk to each other, they do better—they’re more collaborative, they’re more creative, they get more done.

It’s very important for companies to make space for conversation in the workplace. But if a manager doesn’t model to employees that it’s OK to be off of their email in order to have conversation, nothing is going to get accomplished. I went to one workplace that had cappuccino machines every 10 feet and tables the right size for conversation, where everything was built for conversation. But people were feeling that the most important way to show devotion to the company was answering their email immediately. You can’t have conversation if you have to be constantly on your email. Some of the people I interviewed were terrified to be away from their phones. That translates into bringing your cell phone to breakfast and not having breakfast with your kids.

JS: If technology is so ubiquitous yet problematic, what recommendations do you make for keeping it at a manageable level without getting so hooked?

ST: The path ahead is not a path where we do without technology, but of living in greater harmony with it. Among the first steps I see is to create sacred spaces—the kitchen, the dining room, the car—that are device-free and set aside for conversation. When you have lunch with a friend or colleague or family member, don’t put a phone on the table between you. Make meals a time when you are there to listen and be heard.

When we move in and out of conversations with our friends in the room and all the people we can reach on our phones, we miss out on the kinds of conversations where empathy is born and intimacy thrives. I met a wise college junior who spoke about the “seven-minute rule”: It takes seven minutes to know if a conversation is going to be interesting. And she admitted that she rarely was willing to put in her seven minutes. At the first “lull,” she went to her phone. But it’s when we stumble, hesitate, and have those “lulls” that we reveal ourselves most to each other.

So allow for those human moments, accept that life is not a steady “feed,” and learn to savor the pace of conversation—for empathy, for community, for creativity.

About the Author

Jill Suttie

Jill Suttie, Psy.D. , is Greater Good ’s former book review editor and now serves as a staff writer and contributing editor for the magazine. She received her doctorate of psychology from the University of San Francisco in 1998 and was a psychologist in private practice before coming to Greater Good .

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The dying art of conversation – has technology killed our ability to talk  face-to -face?

Senior Lecturer, Media, Communication and Culture, Leeds Beckett University

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Melanie Chan does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.

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What with Facetime, Skype , Whatsapp and Snapchat, for many people, face-to-face conversation is used less and less often.

These apps allow us to converse with each other quickly and easily – overcoming distances, time zones and countries. We can even talk to virtual assistants such as Alexa, Cortana or Siri – commanding them to play our favourite songs, films, or tell us the weather forecast.

Often these ways of communicating reduce the need to speak to another human being. This has led to some of the conversational snippets of our daily lives now taking place mainly via technological devices . So no longer do we need to talk with shop assistants, receptionists, bus drivers or even coworkers, we simply engage with a screen to communicate whatever it is we want to say.

In fact, in these scenarios, we tend to only speak to other people when the digital technology does not operate successfully. For instance, human contact occurs when we call for an assistant to help us when an item is not recognised at the self-service checkout .

And when we have the ability to connect so quickly and easily with others using technological devices and software applications it is easy to start to overlook the value of face-to-face conversation. It seems easier to text someone rather than meet with them.

Bodily cues

My research into digital technologies indicates that phrases such as “word of mouth” or “keeping in touch” point to the importance of face-to-face conversation . Indeed, face-to-face conversation can strengthen social ties: with our neighbours, friends, work colleagues and other people we encounter during our day.

It acknowledges their existence, their humanness, in ways that instant messaging and texting do not. Face-to-face conversation is a rich experience that involves drawing on memories, making connections, making mental images, associations and choosing a response. Face-to-face conversation is also multisensory: it’s not just about sending or receiving pre-programmed trinkets such as likes, cartoon love hearts and grinning yellow emojis.

When having a conversation using video you mainly see another person’s face only as a flat image on a screen. But when we have a face-to-face conversation in real life, we can look into someone’s eyes, reach out and touch them. We can also observe the other person’s body posture and the gestures they use when speaking – and interpret these accordingly. All these factors, contribute to the sensory intensity and depth of the face-to-face conversations we have in daily life.

Speaking to machines

Sherry Turkle , professor of social studies of science and technology, warns that when we first “speak through machines, [we] forget how essential face-to-face conversation is to our relationships, our creativity, and our capacity for empathy”. But then “we take a further step and speak not just through machines but to machines”.

In many ways, our everyday lives now involve a blend of face-to-face and technologically mediated forms of communication. But in my teaching and research I explain how digital forms of communication can supplement, rather than replace face-to-face conversation.

At the same time though, it is also important to acknowledge that some people value online communication because they can express themselves in ways they might find difficult through face-to-face conversation.

Look up from your phone

Gary Turk , is a spoken word poet whose poem Look Up illustrates what is at stake by becoming entranced by technological ways of communicating at the expense of connecting with others face-to-face.

Turk’s poem draws attention to the rich, sensory aspects of face-to-face communication, valuing bodily presence in relation to friendship, companionship and intimacy. The central idea running through Turk’s evocative poem is that screen-based devices consume our attention while distancing us from the bodily sense of being with others.

Ultimately the sound, touch, smell and observation of bodily cues we experience when having a face-to-face conversation cannot be fully replaced by our technological devices. Communicating and connecting with others through face-to-face discussion is valuable because it is not something that can be edited, paused or replayed.

So next time you’re deciding between human or machine at the supermarket checkout or whether to get up from your desk and walk to another office to talk to a colleague – rather than sending them an email – it might be worth following Turk’s advice and engaging with the human rather than the screen.

• Social media
• Body language
• Text messages
• Face-to-face
• Conversations

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Does social media kill communication skills?

Being of "that certain age," I notice changes in society and trends that sometimes are beneficial and others that seem to impair our human nature.

Conversing and speaking in complete sentences seems to have gone by the wayside for some. Why? Pondering this question, which may seem inane to some, begs to be addressed and answered.

With social media consuming so much of our time, conversing with one another face to face has suffered. The busyness of our lives and over scheduling also takes a toll on the family. The percentage of families that sit down together to share dinner is steadily declining.

The dinner table used to be a place where those gathered shared their news of the day. Often it was where families discussed current events and had actual conversations. Fast food meant dinner was ready at the allotted time, not a bag of greasy takeout to be devoured in record time.

Email, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and a host of other ways to communicate have often taken the place of talking and sharing. Yes they are fast, available at all hours and easy, but should never take the place of verbal discussions.

Listening to some people as they try to put together a complete sentence is uncomfortable and can be agonizing. Lots of "you knows" and "umm" and "well" as they try to put together a string of words that make sense.

Maybe it's time to practice good verbal skills by requiring a class specifically addressing conversation skills. The main requirement would be to put away the cell phones and learn about eye contact, how to listen and how to gather your thoughts into complete sentences.

Social media has its place but should never be an exception to replace human contact. Tonight while having dinner, turn off the phones and begin the tradition of face to face communication. Take turns sharing your joys and concerns and practice the forgotten art of conversation.

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Deb McMahon is a retired educator and political activist living in Des Moines. Click here to read more of her work .

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Social Media Kills Face-to-Face Conversation Skills

In the recent years, an active role of the social media increases. For instance, in 2016 there were 1.86 billion registered users on Facebook, 284 million people who use Twitter and 200 million users of Instagram. Such a high number of users not only allows to establish a quick connection between the users worldwide, keep in touch with friends from all over the world but also contributes to a rapid spread of information from one corner to the world to the other. At the same time, a growing number of digitalization changes the concept of face-to-face conversations and contributes to the diminishing of the face-to-face conversation in the cases when that’s appropriate. Hence, the impact of the social media is ambiguous. On the one hand, social media help people to reconnect with one another from different corners of the world. In some cases, social media inspire the research on the changing social trends. Moreover, it helps to stay in touch with the individuals with whom you would be likely to lose connection after the first and maybe only encounter. For instance, while traveling elsewhere, a simple check-in on Facebook would easily connect you with someone you know from the city of your current location. Hence, social media facilitates the communication in many forms.

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At the same time, people lose the value of communication. Social media causes dependence, and people are sometimes too focused on their image on the social media instead of paying attention to the ongoing conversation. Another risks originating from the social media result in the cyberbullying, hacking accounts and stealing the information. That is an essential side effect from the use of social media.

To sum up, there is no clear answer to whether social media kills conversations or not. It mostly depends on what people refer to the social media for.

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In the recent years, an active role of the social media increases. For instance, in 2016 there were 1.86 billion registered users on Facebook, 284 million people who use Twitter and 200 million users of Instagram. Such a high number of users not only allows to establish a quick connection...

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Example Of Argumentative Essay On Facebook: Good Or Bad For Communication

Type of paper: Argumentative Essay

Topic: Sociology , Communication , Relationships , Internet , Website , Facebook , Family , Networking

Words: 1400

Published: 03/10/2020

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Social associations and the necessity of communication are the two human conditions that are universal. It is a widespread assumption that communication technologies assist in increasing and strengthening social ties (Keller). There are a number of opportunities that are provided by the Internet for social networking. Facebook is one of those opportunities. It is not an untold secret that Facebook has turned out as the most popular online tool. It has made writing letters and phone conversations a practice of the past. According to Pew Research Center, Facebook is used by more than 2/3 of adults who use the Internet. The pervasiveness of Facebook as a social media platform has made it one of the simplest tools to communicate with family and friends (Morse). There is no doubt that Facebook is a great means of communication that allows people to remain connected with their loved ones, no matter where in the world they are. There are a lot of people who consider Facebook to affect the natural communication. They assert that people spend most of their time on this website and use it to be in contact with their family, friends, and acquaintances. According to them, this consistent practice has entirely changed communication ways as compared to the past. They also consider Facebook as a means of affecting real relationships. They think so because people show more attentiveness and concerned for the virtual relationships instead of spending time with family members and other people in the real world. They also argue that the easiness of Facebook’s use to stay in touch with thousands of people has also dissuaded many people to interact through traditional means. In particular, it has affected the communication skills of teenagers who are needed to have face-to-face interactions for learning social norms. Therefore, the opponents of Facebook communication believe that it does not let young children develop social skills ("Effects of Facebook on Communication - Its Impact and Study"). I believe that the social relationships we have today are not undermined by technology as assumed. Facebook is a great communicating platform due to which personal relationships have augmented. It has increased online communication without replacing telephone and face-to-face conversations. Facebook has added to the mentioned offline forms of communication by “increasing the overall volume of contact” (Masket). Facebook users are able to stay in contact with people they already know. It means face-to-face relationships are enhanced and strengthened when people are able to communicate through this most renowned social media website. Both online and offline relationships and conversations are complemented by each other. Facebook is a medium that makes this interaction possible and stronger. In addition, the News Feed option in Facebook is a way to facilitate its users to remain aware of their contacts. Not only this, the size of Facebook has also been successful in encouraging communication as it facilitates new friendships. This website has increased the probability of communicating with people who share similar interests. Thus, people using Facebook do not have to go outside in order to be in contact with people. They can do so wherever they happen to be. In addition, it is also believed by many that Facebook has greatly impacted the socialization patterns as its users are more concerned for uploading their pictures and videos, updating minute-to-minute statuses, and commenting on posts and walls. This simply reflects the fact that they consider online socialization more important than gatherings in real life. According to their point of view, the excessiveness of Facebook use has killed communication in real-life. This is because people now prefer to meet on Facebook rather than meeting in person. In short, many people consider Facebook as a real life replacement as it impacts real relationships and strengthens online ones ("How Facebook is Killing Real Relationships?"). However, I do not agree with the above arguments presented by the opponents of Facebook and other social networking sites. I strongly believe that Facebook is serving as an important tool for enriching social lives. Furthermore, communicating through Facebook has also fulfilled peoples’ need for socialization, intimacy, social support, and independence. Profile construction, video and picture sharing, talking through instant messaging provided by Facebook have made it easier for people to continuously create, recreate and hone their individuality. It is worth-mentioning that a majority of Facebook users are teenagers. As they prepare themselves to enter the social world as adults, Facebook provides them an online social environment which allows them to interact with other people from the comfort of their homes (Koltow). As far as my beliefs are concerned, I think that Facebook has benefitted us in several ways. It is one of those social networks that have made people better individuals and societal participants. Communication through Facebook has helped in the organization of political activities and has also encouraged democracy. This is because people have started to voice their opinions and beliefs through Facebook that impacts other peoples’ mindsets. Social networking and communication via Facebook has allowed people to explore their unique identity. Moreover, it has also assisted in the development and provision of social cognitive skills. For instance, conversing with different people and getting to know their ideas polishes one’s skill to talk with perspective ("Are Social Networking Sites Good for Our Society?”). Similarly, the use of Facebook has reduced loneliness and has also improved wellbeing. It is especially helpful for people who are not good in socializing conventionally (Marshall). It is particularly helping those people who are separated or far away from their friends and family members. Facebook has brought people together regardless of the fact that they are physically separated. The best example in this regard is that of people who are employed in the armed forces. They use Facebook consistently to be in touch with their loved ones as this social networking site makes it easier for them to see and converse with their near and dear ones. I do not completely disagree with the idea that Facebook has several drawbacks. However, its positives and benefits have outweighed them. Facebook has let people to connect with each other (Lecky-Thompson). There are a lot of success stories including marriages, partnerships, business contracts, and other cheering endorsements that make Facebook a valid platform for communication and social interaction. In short, there is no potential harm in using Facebook as a means of communication. It needs to be understoos that this website is not harmful or damaging itself. It depends on the users that how they use it. It can be said that it is all about a fine and healthy relationship with technology, the Internet, and social media sites like Facebook (Taylor).

Works Cited

"Are Social Networking Sites Good for Our Society?”. ProCon. N.p., 13 Apr. 2011. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://socialnetworking.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=001614>. "Effects of Facebook on Communication - Its Impact and Study." GoCompu. N.p., 12 Nov. 2012. Web. 21 Oct. 2014. <http://gocompu.wordpress.com/2012/11/12/effects-of-facebook-on-communication-its-impact-and-study/>. "How Facebook is Killing Real Relationships?." TheCrowned. N.p., 10 Nov. 2011. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://www.thecrowned.org/how-facebook-is-killing-real-relationships>. Keller, M. "Social Media and Interpersonal Communication." Social Work Today. N.p., n.d. Web. 21 Oct. 2014. <http://www.socialworktoday.com/archive/051313p10.shtml>. Koltow, D. "How Facebook Helps Us Communicate." Science. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://science.opposingviews.com/facebook-helps-communicate-3274.html>. Lecky-Thompson, G. "FaceBook : Good or Bad for Communication." Suite. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <https://suite.io/guy-lecky-thompson/1tpx21g>. Marshall, M. "Why Facebook is Good For You." New Scientist. N.p., 6 Mar. 2009. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20126986.200-why-facebook-is-good-for-you.html>. Masket, S. "The Internet Is Improving the Way We Communicate." Pacific Standard. N.p., 2 June 2014. Web. 20 Oct. 2014. <http://www.psmag.com/navigation/nature-and-technology/networks-changed-social-media-internet-communication-82554/>. Morse, S. "How Facebook Helps Us Communicate." Small Business. N.p., n.d. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://smallbusiness.chron.com/facebook-helps-communicate-66432.html>. Taylor, J. "The Bad, the Ugly, and the Good of Children's Use of Social Media." The Huffington Post. N.p., 28 May 2013. Web. 22 Oct. 2014. <http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-jim-taylor/the-bad-the-ugly-and-the_b_3346768.html>.

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Why is the best essay writing service?

On the Internet, you can find a lot of services that offer customers to write huge articles in the shortest possible time at a low price. It's up to you to agree or not, but we recommend that you do not rush to make a choice. Many of these sites will take your money and disappear without getting the job done. Some low-skilled writers will still send you an essay file, but the text will not meet the required parameters.

is the best essay writing service because we provide guarantees at all stages of cooperation. Our polite managers will answer all your questions and help you determine the details. We will sign a contract with you so that you can be sure of our good faith.

The team employs only professionals with higher education. They will write you a high-quality essay that will pass all anti-plagiarism checks, since we do not steal other people's thoughts and ideas, but create new ones.

You can always contact us and make corrections, and we will be happy to help you.

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How to Order Our Online Writing Services.

There is nothing easier than using our essay writer service. Here is how everything works at :

• You fill out an order form. Make sure to provide us with all the details. If you have any comments or additional files, upload them. This will help your writer produce the paper that will exactly meet your needs.
• You pay for the order with our secure payment system.
• Once we receive the payment confirmation, we assign an appropriate writer to work on your project. You can track the order's progress in real-time through the personal panel. Also, there is an option to communicate with your writer, share additional files, and clarify all the details.
• As soon as the paper is done, you receive a notification. Now, you can read its preview version carefully in your account. If you are satisfied with our professional essay writing services, you confirm the order and download the final version of the document to your computer. If, however, you consider that any alterations are needed, you can always request a free revision. All our clients can use free revisions within 14 days after delivery. Please note that the author will revise your paper for free only if the initial requirements for the paper remain unchanged. If the revision is not applicable, we will unconditionally refund your account. However, our failure is very unlikely since almost all of our orders are completed issue-free and we have 98% satisfied clients.

As you can see, you can always turn to us with a request "Write essay for me" and we will do it. We will deliver a paper of top quality written by an expert in your field of study without delays. Furthermore, we will do it for an affordable price because we know that students are always looking for cheap services. Yes, you can write the paper yourself but your time and nerves are worth more!

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