Think you can get into a top-10 school? Take our chance-me calculator... if you dare. 🔥

Last updated March 21, 2024

Every piece we write is researched and vetted by a former admissions officer. Read about our mission to pull back the admissions curtain.

Blog > Common App , Essay Advice , Personal Statement > The Best Way to Write College Essays About Moving

The Best Way to Write College Essays About Moving

Admissions officer reviewed by Ben Bousquet, M.Ed Former Vanderbilt University

Written by Alex McNeil, MA Admissions Consultant

Key Takeaway

Moving’s a big deal, especially when you’re in high school.

New state, new city, new school, new family dynamics, new friends—new everything, it may seem.

If you’ve recently moved, or if you’ve moved a lot throughout your life, you might be thinking about writing your college essay about moving.

Moving can work well as a personal statement topic, particularly when the experience shows your resilience and ability to adapt to new situations.

But because the topic is somewhat common, it can be risky if not done well.

In this post, we go over a few ways to approach a college essay about moving to avoid some of the biggest pitfalls and cliches.

Three Ways to Approach Your College Essay About Moving

Across the tens of thousands of college essays we’ve read, the following three approaches tend to produce great college essays about moving. They help writers avoid cliches and focus in on something deeply meaningful and strengths-based (remember: that’s the whole point of a college essay to begin with!).

Personal Insight

The first way you can think about your personal statement is by considering how your story about moving can reveal a personal insight about yourself to admissions officers.

Let me give you an example.

Emma moved from rural Montana to Los Angeles for her mom’s job. Sure, she could write about how she was shocked by the drastic weather differences, how she had to learn how to navigate a big city, or how she went from being in a school with 50 students to one with over 3,000.

Those topics would be interesting, but none would help us learn much about who Emma is or why we should admit her to our school.

To reveal a personal insight, Emma will have to be a bit more vulnerable and strategic. Let’s say that Emma wants to study agriculture. Emma’s college essay about moving would be more effective if it explored how she came to realize her love of agriculture only after she left her rural hometown.

Family Context

But maybe moving didn’t teach you something about yourself. Maybe it taught you about your family. Or perhaps you feel like admissions officers need to know about your family’s story to truly understand you.

This approach appears most often among students whose families have moved a lot because of a parent’s job or among those who have had a lot of changes in their home lives. Sharing your story, including the details of how a situation affected you personally, can help admissions officers learn about where you come from.

You can write about your experiences through the lens of resilience, diversity, or even joy or curiosity.

Lesson Learned

Finally, you can also approach your college essay about moving by reflecting on a significant lesson you learned throughout the process. Note that the key word here is significant .

Lessons like “I learned that I was strong and could handle anything thrown my way” or “I learned who my true friends were” are nice lessons, but they aren’t weighty enough for a college essay. Those kinds of lessons are too generic to actually tell admissions officers anything about who you are.

Let’s return to Emma for this example.

Instead of writing about how moving influenced her to study agriculture, Emma could also write about the lessons in diversity she learned when moving from a homogenous rural town to a big, diverse city.

Two Cliches to Avoid in Your College Essay About Moving

Okay, now that we’ve gone over three solid approaches, let’s go over what not to do.

Since college essays about moving are pretty common, you’ll want to avoid these overused and cliche methods. Your admissions officers will have read them a thousand times already, so they won’t be doing you any favors.

“Moving was the worst thing that ever happened to me…even though it wasn’t that bad.”

Listen. I know that moving can be really difficult. If moving was truly the most difficult thing you’ve experienced, then consider one of the approaches from above.

But too many applicants overstate the difficulty of their move solely because they think they have to write about something traumatic to get into college.

This approach leads to inauthentic essays that appear like they’re trying to pull the wool over the admissions officer’s eyes.

You don’t need to write about trauma, or even a difficult topic in general, in your college applications.

“Moving caused my grades to drop.”

The other big cliche that surfaces again and again in college essays about moving is the big Grade Drop following a move.

Moving can be such a disruption that it’s unsurprising if it affected your grades. It also makes sense that you want admissions officers to know that there’s a legitimate (and temporary) reason behind those less-than-perfect grades on your transcript.

But the problem with this approach is that it takes one of the most valuable pieces of application real estate—your personal statement—and fills it with information that probably belongs in the Additional Information section of the Common App.

Instead, save your personal statement for a topic that draws out your strengths and says something meaningful about who you are.

The Big Picture

Not every college essay needs to be written about a challenge. If your experience with moving has deep personal meaning, you can try it out in your personal statement.

But remember that you can also address something like moving in your additional information section.

Ultimately, you need to craft essays that say something personal about you while showcasing your strengths. It’s all part of what it means to create a cohesive application narrative .

Liked that? Try this next.

post preview thumbnail

How to Write a Personal Statement for Colleges

post preview thumbnail

12 Common App Essay Examples (Graded by Former Admissions Officers)

post preview thumbnail

The Incredible Power of a Cohesive College Application

post preview thumbnail

How A Selective Admissions Office Reads 50k Applications In A Season

"the only actually useful chance calculator i’ve seen—plus a crash course on the application review process.".

Irena Smith, Former Stanford Admissions Officer

We built the best admissions chancer in the world . How is it the best? It draws from our experience in top-10 admissions offices to show you how selective admissions actually works.

Home — Application Essay — Nursing Schools — Moving: College Admission Essay Sample

one pixel image

Moving: College Admission Essay Sample

  • University: University of Pennsylvania

About this sample

close

Words: 397 |

Published: Jul 18, 2018

Words: 397 | Pages: 1 | 2 min read

From the first day, one thing became painfully obvious--if I didn’t get moving, I would get run over. It started off easy; I made sure to travel in the right direction. The tempo was slow. It was a cinch to fix a mistake without being noticed or running into another marcher. Eight steps forward, eight steps back. Stay in line with the people in front of me. Simple. But then the tempo sped up, everyone started moving in different directions from different places on the field, a crowd was cheering from the stands, I had to play music from memory, I was eighteen inches taller because of that huge, sparkly plume on top of my hat, and if I made a wrong move, I could have a trombone slide hitting the back of my head.

Say no to plagiarism.

Get a tailor-made essay on

'Why Violent Video Games Shouldn't Be Banned'?

As a marcher on the field, I was responsible for only myself. If I knew my spot in the show, I had succeeded. It was easy to give myself a pat on the back and call it a day--I’d done my job, right? Yes, but there’s a perspective beyond that. I may have been moving, all of my own accord and on the right pathway, but I had no sense of the effect my movements had on the people around me or how they contributed to the marching show as a whole. That was the drum major’s job, not mine.

But now I am the drum major and that is my job. Up on the podium, I can pick out every member of the band by name, and I see each of them learn to march their spot in the show. I see everyone’s effort to get their part right and fix their mistakes. Just like them, I have my part to learn. I memorize tempo and time changes, cues and salutes, all aspects of my personal, present success. However, unlike members of the band, I have a responsibility to see the greater goal. It’s my job to understand how their movements work together and contribute to success as a band and not just success as an individual.

Keep in mind: This is only a sample.

Get a custom paper now from our expert writers.

Taking the experience and lessons learned as a drum major, I will move not only with confidence and conviction, but I will also strive to perceive how my movements will impact the world around me as well as my future successes.

Cite this Essay

Let us write you an essay from scratch

  • 450+ experts on 30 subjects ready to help
  • Custom essay delivered in as few as 3 hours

Get high-quality help

author

Dr Jacklynne

Verified writer

  • Expert in: Nursing Schools

writer

+ 121 experts online

By clicking “Check Writers’ Offers”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy . We’ll occasionally send you promo and account related email

No need to pay just yet!

Remember! This is just a sample.

You can get your custom paper by one of our expert writers.

121 writers online

boy

Are you interested in getting a customized paper?

Still can’t find what you need?

Browse our vast selection of original essay samples, each expertly formatted and styled

Related Essays on Nursing Schools

When I was ten months old, I grabbed onto the coffee table and hauled myself up, arms shaking, fists clenched, knees wobbling; ten minutes later, much to my parents’ dismay, I was sprinting around the house, choppy bangs [...]

A few days ago, I watched a video titled “People React to Being Called Beautiful,” made by a student, Shea Glover. She filmed various other students and told them she was “taking photos of things find beautiful.” The various [...]

As someone who is passionate about making a positive impact on the world and improving the health of those around me, I am excited about the opportunity to pursue a career in nursing. Throughout my life, I have been drawn to [...]

Now in three more seconds, we take a right turn-yup, 1, 2, 3 trees, that means we’re at the railroad tracks. Hold on! I forgot my bach urtext today. Oh well, I have it memorized. Winging it? Pff, not a problem. Wait. I wonder [...]

Maybe, I could be the next Lorene Cary, whose novel, The Price of a Child was selected to unite the city under the 2003 “One Book, One Philadelphia” project. Maybe, I could be one of the few students who stay up until three in [...]

She was the toughest; she was the best. She was also the most influential teacher I have ever had. Ms. William, my sixth grade teacher, was never one to settle for second-best. As a demanding teacher, she hadn’t always been [...]

Related Topics

By clicking “Send”, you agree to our Terms of service and Privacy statement . We will occasionally send you account related emails.

Where do you want us to send this sample?

By clicking “Continue”, you agree to our terms of service and privacy policy.

Be careful. This essay is not unique

This essay was donated by a student and is likely to have been used and submitted before

Download this Sample

Free samples may contain mistakes and not unique parts

Sorry, we could not paraphrase this essay. Our professional writers can rewrite it and get you a unique paper.

Please check your inbox.

We can write you a custom essay that will follow your exact instructions and meet the deadlines. Let's fix your grades together!

We use cookies to personalyze your web-site experience. By continuing we’ll assume you board with our cookie policy .

  • Instructions Followed To The Letter
  • Deadlines Met At Every Stage
  • Unique And Plagiarism Free

college essay examples about moving

We use cookies to enhance our website for you. Proceed if you agree to this policy or learn more about it.

  • Essay Database >
  • Essays Samples >
  • Essay Types >
  • College Essay Example

Moving College Essays Samples For Students

161 samples of this type

Over the course of studying in college, you will inevitably have to compose a lot of College Essays on Moving. Lucky you if putting words together and transforming them into meaningful text comes naturally to you; if it's not the case, you can save the day by finding a previously written Moving College Essay example and using it as a model to follow.

This is when you will certainly find WowEssays' free samples collection extremely helpful as it contains numerous professionally written works on most various Moving College Essays topics. Ideally, you should be able to find a piece that meets your criteria and use it as a template to build your own College Essay. Alternatively, our expert essay writers can deliver you a unique Moving College Essay model crafted from scratch according to your individual instructions.

Good Moving Headquarters Overseas Essay Example

Inspiring essay about portfolio analysis, introduction, free you can't be neutral on a moving train essay: top-quality sample to follow.

Don't waste your time searching for a sample.

Get your essay done by professional writers!

Just from $10/page

Free Using Language Of The Moving Image To Convey An Idea/Theme Essay: Top-Quality Sample To Follow

Free comparison essay sample, compare and contrast gary soto's moving away and cold as heaven by cofer, tavistock’s projective identification: essay you might want to emulate, good essay about non-engaged cohabiters – these couples live together with no plans to marry. they make up 6% of all cohabiters (didonato, 2014), i’m in the 6%, good negotiation with difficult people essay example, reading responses {type) to use as a writing model, example of essay on managing risks in organizations, part a. scattergram exercise:, proper essay example about the major freight transportation modes in the us, existential therapy critique {type) to use as a writing model.

(Author, Department, University,

Corresponding Address and email)

Steam turbine power generation system: a top-quality essay for your inspiration, the vestibular system: vor and vcr essays examples, vestibular projections.

Vestibular projections in the central nervous system consist of vestibular end organs which communicate with the brain stem and the cerebellum via the vestibular branch of the eighth cranial nerve. These nerves are also connected to the auditory fibers. Thus damage caused to these structures can cause both vestibular and auditory disturbances. The vital function of the vestibular system is to coordinate head and eye movements. The ability of the eye to stay focused on an object even while the head is moving is brought about by the vestibular system.

Vestibular Cochlear Nerve

Good flipped essay example, exemplar essay on the physics of soccer to write after, good essay about anonymous, religious change among the aztecs.

Annotated Bibliography Berdan, Frances, Aztec Archaeology and Ethnohistory, pp. 215-296. NY: Cambridge University Press (2014).

The source tells of the history and religion of the Aztec people.

Burkhart, Louise. “The missionary missionized.” In her The Slippery Earth: Nahua- Christian Moral Dialogue in Sixteenth-Century Mexico, pp. 15-45. Tucson: University of Arizona Press (1989).

This source tells about the implementation of Christianity on Aztec society.

Sample essay on the melting, proper essay example about medicine, good definition of value-at-risk essay example, value-at-risk.

Introduction Risk assessment is essential in portfolio management. A portfolio manager has the duty of maximising returns of the portfolio of the assets for each level of risk. Alternatively, a portfolio manager should minimise the risk of the portfolio at any level of return of the portfolio. Several models are used in assessing the risk involved in a portfolio of investments. Value-at-risk is widely applied in determining portfolio risk. We explore the concept of value-at-risk and its usage in portfolio management.

Good Essay About The Effects Of Exposure To Better Neighborhoods On Children: New Evidence From The Moving To Opportunity Experiment

Draw topic & writing ideas from this essay on market competitiveness.

This section of the report covers market competitiveness analysis for e-sonic encompassed with to determine deserved pay-policy mixes, conduct external market analysis, generate pay grades and ranges for each job. The new business venture requires hiring personnel in all business disciplines, aimed to recapture the market, using market competitive compensation strategy.

Market Competitiveness Strategy

In order to determine the market competitive package for 15 positions under consideration, it is important to first define the pay policy mix, conduct analysis of the external market, and generate pay ranges and grades for each job position.

Administrative Assistant

“news from home” film review: the newcomer’s dilemma essay template for faster writing, good benchmark assignment - data analysis case study essay example, courseprofessor, expertly written essay on simple exponential smoothing for forecasting to follow, free ethnic stratification essay example, essay on railways for cars, exemplar essay on leadership to write after, contrasting dream sequences in woolf and poe: example essay by an expert writer to follow, the water molecules journey essay samples, considerations of writing assessment essay examples, good essay about considerations of writing assessment, proper essay example about postmodernism and the introduction of new dimensions of architecture, transgender safety in public restrooms essay template for faster writing, example of microsoft essay, inspiring essay about the way virgin mobile should structure their pricing, virgin mobile: pricing for the first time, good example of essay on acme fireworks: business form, us 311: business law i, basic interpretation of robert bresson’s dictum essay samples, final essay: robert bresson’s dictum & film analysis of “a man escaped”, a-level essay on science fiction story for free use, the future of food, scene analysis: shaun of the dead, shaun and ed leaving home essays examples, sample essay on film comparison, free essay on gantt chart /bar chart, business decision making 3 of 3, free preliminary strategic audit of at&t essay example, the baghdad follies essay example, free mba 555 – risk management week 1 assignment essay sample, define the production possibilities curve (ppc)., good art diagnostic paper essay example, suzhou river essay sample, facebook: free sample essay to follow, the contemporary american cinema essay sample, expertly crafted essay on a career in business administration, example of rethinking america’s immigration policy essay, god’s existence is logically necessary by anselm essay template for faster writing.

Philosophy and God

Free Essay On Aviation Baggage Services

Automated storage/retrieval system essays examples.

With the increasingly expanding size of the warehouses, libraries and other storage facilities, and the rising number of items that need to be stored, organized, kept account of and retrieved on a regular basis, the question of optimizing storage space and speeding up the process of placing and retrieving items in the storage is very relevant. Nowadays this task is often delegated to the automated storage and retrieval system (ASRS), which can handle items of various sizes and weights: from heavy pallet loads in the large warehouses to a single book in a library.

Good Example Of Understanding Ideas Of The Black And White Essay

“a raisin in the sun” by loraine hansberry essay example, ben ottewell of gomez - david mcmillin of fort frances essays examples, applying theories essays example.

Education has done little to improve social mobility. To what extent does this statement provide an accurate reflection of the role of education in contemporary Britain?

Essay On How The Us Changed In Terms Of Economics Politics And Social Structures

Industrialism, essay on business ideas and products.

1(a) What is meant by the term random sample (line 34)?

The term random sample means a part of a population chosen for investigation without following any specific scientific pattern. The elements of the sample are chosen without following a definite pattern.

1(b) State the formula for calculating ‘market share’ percentage (line 50)?

Market share percentage=

1 (c) Tom believes that the level of spending per visit by his customers will stay the same in 2011 and 2012. Based on the information in the case study, how many customers is he anticipating in 2012?

Number of customers expected=8350 customers.

Password recovery email has been sent to [email protected]

Use your new password to log in

You are not register!

By clicking Register, you agree to our Terms of Service and that you have read our Privacy Policy .

Now you can download documents directly to your device!

Check your email! An email with your password has already been sent to you! Now you can download documents directly to your device.

or Use the QR code to Save this Paper to Your Phone

The sample is NOT original!

Short on a deadline?

Don't waste time. Get help with 11% off using code - GETWOWED

No, thanks! I'm fine with missing my deadline

If you're seeing this message, it means we're having trouble loading external resources on our website.

If you're behind a web filter, please make sure that the domains *.kastatic.org and *.kasandbox.org are unblocked.

To log in and use all the features of Khan Academy, please enable JavaScript in your browser.

College admissions

Course: college admissions   >   unit 4.

  • Writing a strong college admissions essay
  • Avoiding common admissions essay mistakes
  • Brainstorming tips for your college essay
  • How formal should the tone of your college essay be?
  • Taking your college essay to the next level
  • Sample essay 1 with admissions feedback
  • Sample essay 2 with admissions feedback
  • Student story: Admissions essay about a formative experience
  • Student story: Admissions essay about personal identity
  • Student story: Admissions essay about community impact
  • Student story: Admissions essay about a past mistake
  • Student story: Admissions essay about a meaningful poem

Writing tips and techniques for your college essay

college essay examples about moving

Pose a question the reader wants answered

Don't focus exclusively on the past, experiment with the unexpected, don't summarize, want to join the conversation.

  • Upvote Button navigates to signup page
  • Downvote Button navigates to signup page
  • Flag Button navigates to signup page

Good Answer

20 Successful College Essay Examples + Why They Worked (2023)

Ultimate List of College Essay Examples

Today I'm going to show you 20 essays that worked that will help inspire you and start you on your way to writing your own successful essays.

In this post, I've included:

  • Personal Statement examples
  • Supplemental essay examples
  • University of California essays
  • Links to hundreds more essay examples

If you're looking for college essay examples, you've found the right place.

Let's get started.

Ryan

Writing your college essays can be challenging.

And in 2023, with many schools dropping test scores from their application, your college essays are one of the most important parts of your application if you want to get accepted.

That means there's a whole lot more opportunity for students without the best SAT or ACT scores to boost their chances of admission by writing outstanding essays.

20 of My Favorite EssaysThatWorked

One of the best ways to write your own successful essays is to read and learn from past essays that worked.

Here's 20 of our favorite college essays examples. From Personal Statement examples to "Why this college?" supplements, find any type of essay you're looking for.

I've chosen these examples because they represent almost every type of essay you'll need to write.

Plus, they are all high-quality examples that have an authentic voice , one of the most important parts of a great essay.

Table of Contents

Personal statement essay examples.

  • 1. The Itch
  • 2. Paint Dance
  • 3. Football Manager
  • 4. Restaurant Job

Additional Personal Statement Examples

Additional Common App Essay Examples

University of California Essay Examples

  • 5. Summer Counselor
  • 6. Teaching Talent
  • 7. Linguistics
  • 8. Linguistics Society
  • 9. New Perspectives

Supplemental Essay Examples

  • 10. Fermat's Last Theorem
  • 11. Bug Fixing
  • 12. Why UPenn?
  • 13. Story of My Name
  • 14. Ideal College Community
  • 15. Why Computer Science
  • 16. Volunteering at Hospital
  • 17. Why Carnegie Mellon
  • 18. Why NYU?
  • 19. Moving Places
  • 20. Double Major

Ready to get inspired to write the next great admissions essays?

Let's jump right in.

Part 1: Personal Statements That Stand Out

Essay Examples: Writing the Personal Statement

Your Personal Statement essay is arguably the most important essay you'll write.

Since it's sent to every college you apply to, you need to carefully choose how you use your 650 words.

In this section, I'll show you several examples of successful Common App essays accepted into the most selective colleges.

Let’s dive right in.

Most students write their personal statement essay on their Common Application.

That's why it's called your Common App essay .

If you're having trouble starting your essay, be sure to check out some Common App inspiration .

Here are some of the best Common App essay examples that have gotten students into top colleges.

Below are some of our favorite personal statement essay examples from the Ivy League and other top-20 colleges.

College Essay Example #1: The Itch

This Common App personal statement was accepted into Stanford University .

Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words)

Slowly, my passion emerged from pretense and envy into reality.

Why This Essay Works:

This essay is all based upon the metaphor of "the itch" representing a desire to understand the world. By using a central theme, such as a metaphor, you can create a thread of ideas that run throughout your essay. If you want to use a metaphor, make sure it clearly relates to the idea you're trying to express, rather than choosing one just because it is a creative or unique approach. In this case, there is perhaps no better metaphor than "the itch" which would capture their main idea, so it works well.

Instead of "telling" their ideas, this essay does a lot of fantastic "showing" through specific anecdotes. Sentences like "I learned to sing the blues before I knew the words..." capture a lot about the author's character and background without having to say it outright. By showing the reader, you allow them to draw their own conclusions rather than just having to accept what you're telling them. Using specific language also creates a more vibrant and interesting essay. Rather than saying "I loved learning as a kid," this student shows it using a concrete example: "my favorite book was an introduction to fulcrums".

Writing about other people in your essay can be a great way to tell things about yourself. Known as a literary "foil," by describing other people you can show your own values without stating them plainly. In this essay, the author shows their value (of being passionate about learning) by first recognizing that value in somebody else, "Kikki" in this case. By writing about people in your life, you can also create a sense of humility and humanity. Nobody is an "island," meaning that everyone is influenced by those around us. Showing how you draw inspiration, values, or lessons from others will show more about your character than simply telling admissions would.

In general, listing activities in your essay is a bad strategy, because it is repetitive of your activities list and comes across boring. However, this essay manages to list their activities in the 3rd-to-last paragraph by connecting them to a central idea: how their newfound passion for learning sparked all these new engagements. Listing activities can be okay, but only if they have a clear purpose in doing so. In this case, the purpose is to show how these activities are representative of their new passion for learning. But the purpose for listing activities could also be to show a specific value, provide examples for your idea, demonstrate your new perspective, etc.

College Essay Example #2: Paint Dance

This Common App personal statement was accepted into Williams College .

Common App Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)

This student uses figurative language, particularly personification, which makes their writing more engaging. Rather simply telling a story plainly, implementing aspects of creative writing such as metaphors, personification, and symbolism, can engage the reader in your story.

This essay deals with their struggles—particularly in overcoming fear of failure while painting. By showcasing your challenges, you not only create a more relatable persona, but it makes your successes far more impactful. Everyone has struggles, and reflecting upon those challenges is what will help you convey self-growth.

What They Might Improve:

Although this student reflects on the concept of fear, they don't go much deeper than surface-level reflections. This essay does pose some interesting questions, like "Why was I afraid of something I had not yet encountered?" but these questions are cut short and not satisfyingly explored. Admissions officers are impressed with genuine, deep reflection. To get there, you need to push past surface-level takeaways and try taking your ideas always one step further.

"Fear" is a central theme of this essay, but the main idea of overcoming fear is repeated excessively, without adding new ideas. It is important that your essay "goes somewhere" and doesn't stay stuck at the surface of your ideas. You want to go deep into your ideas, which means avoiding repetition at all costs, and only referencing a previous idea if you're adding something new: a new perspective, context, nuance, broader application, etc.

College Essay Example #3: Football Manager

This Common App personal statement was accepted into the University of Pennsylvania .

Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)

This essay has lighthearted moments in it, such as recognizing how being a football manager "does not sound glamorous" and how "we managers go by many names: watergirls..." Using moments of humor can be appropriate for contrasting with moments of serious reflection. Being lighthearted also shows a sense of personality and that you are able to take things with stride.

The reflections in this essay are far too generic overall and ultimately lack meaning because they are unspecific. Using buzzwords like "hard work" and "valuable lessons" comes off as unoriginal, so avoid using them at all costs. Your reflections need to be specific to you to be most meaningful. If you could (in theory) pluck out sentences from your essay and drop them into another student's essay, then chances are those sentences are not very insightful. Your ideas should be only have been able to been written by you: specific to your experiences, personal in nature, and show deep reflection.

Although this essay uses the topic of "being a football manager," by the end of the essay it isn't clear what that role even constitutes. Avoid over-relying on other people or other's ideas when writing your essay. That is, most of the reflections in this essay are based on what the author witnessed the football team doing, rather than what they experienced for themselves in their role. Focus on your own experiences first, and be as specific and tangible as possible when describing your ideas. Rather than saying "hard work," show that hard work through an anecdote.

More important than your stories is the "So what?" behind them. Avoid writing stories that don't have a clear purpose besides "setting the scene." Although most fiction writing describes people and places as exposition, for your essays you want to avoid that unless it specifically contributes to your main point. In this essay, the first two paragraphs are almost entirely unnecessary, as the point of them can be captured in one sentence: "I joined to be a football manager one summer." The details of how that happened aren't necessary because they aren't reflected upon.

In typical academic writing, we're taught to "tell them what you're going to tell them" before telling them. But for college essays, every word is highly valuable. Avoid prefacing your statements and preparing the reader for them. Instead of saying "XYZ would prove to be an unforgettable experience," just dive right into the experience itself. Think of admissions officers as "being in a rush," and give them what they want: your interesting ideas and experiences.

Learn the secrets of successful top-20 college essays

Join 4,000+ students and parents that already receive our 5-minute free newsletter , packed with top-20 essay examples, writing tips & tricks, and step-by-step guides.

Students

College Essay Example #4: Restaurant Job

This Common App personal statement is an accepted Tulane essay .

Common App Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. (250-650 words)

Piano Man plays on repeat in Used To Be’s Island Eatery, a high-volume bar and restaurant in the town of [Location] on the Jersey shore. Balding men and blonde women sway to the song as they sit on the wooden barstools, chatting and laughing about their lives.

Rather than "telling," it's important to always back up your points by "showing." This means using anecdotes, examples, and specific references to help the reader come to the same conclusion as you. Anybody can "tell" things, but by showing them you are giving proof, which makes your points more convincing and compelling.

An effective strategy for having interesting ideas is to reflect upon what you've learned as the result of an activity or experience. Lessons are important because they show self-growth, which admissions officers are looking for. It can also be a good idea to compare and contrast your lessons with other areas of your life. For example, how do your lessons from an extracurricular activity differ or translate over to your academics? Or vice versa?

One of the most common "mistakes" in essays is to not go deeper into your ideas. Most students gravitate towards surface-level ideas, which can be a good starting point, but should ideally be taken further. Admissions officers have read thousands of essays, so it's important that your ideas are unique, specific to you, and interesting. To get to those "deeper" ideas, keep asking yourself questions. For example, if you start with the idea of "positivity is key for this job," then keep asking yourself "Why?" Repeat that process many times and think critically, and eventually you'll come to more interesting and compelling ideas.

Avoid writing like fiction books, which have lots of descriptions that build a world or environment. Instead, only describe the things that matter to your main point. Since you have a limited number of words to use, it is vital that each sentence has a clear purpose. In this essay, many descriptions are ultimately unnecessary to their main point. Does it matter that "balding men and blonde women sway to the song as they sit on the wooden barstools"? No, and this only distracts from what is ultimately more valuable: your ideas and reflections.

Want to read more Common App essay examples?

If you're looking for more outstanding Common App essays, check out our Common App guide with examples.

For more, check out our list of top personal statement examples .

Part 2: UC Personal Insight Questions

Essay Examples: UC Personal Insight Questions

Your UC essays are more important in 2022, now that UC's have dropped SAT and ACT scores from your application.

And if you're looking to write great UC essays, the best place to start is by learning from essays that worked in the past.

If you're looking for tons of UC essay examples, you're in the right place.

Every student applying to University of California must write four Personal Insight Questions. Each short essay must be fewer than 350 words each.

Check out our guides and examples for UCLA essays and UC Berkeley essays .

Within those posts, you'll be able to read dozens of the best UC Personal Insight Questions.

College Essay Example #5: Summer Counselor

This essay was accepted into UCLA .

UC PIQ #1: Describe an example of your leadership experience in which you have positively influenced others, helped resolve disputes or contributed to group efforts over time. (350 words max)

Each summer for the last eight years, I have attended a four-week residential summer camp on Orcas Island, first as a camper and more recently as a staff member. As a counselor-in- training last summer, my role shifted from one centred around my own enjoyment to one catering to the fulfilment of others. I welcomed this change of pace gladly, as the ability to positively impact the next generation of campers in a similar way to how my own counselors impacted mine thrilled me.

At first, I was unconvinced that I was being the role model I had envisaged of myself, as I was daunted by my new responsibility as staff. However, my uncertainty dissipated when one of the campers I had worked closely with in the sailing classes I taught wrote me a heartfelt letter towards the end of the session claiming that spending time with me had been one of the highlights of his summer. This small affirmation struck me deeply, and I was incentivised to continue putting all my energy into hopefully similarly affecting as many others as I could.

One of the most challenging parts of the summer was when I acted as an assistant counselor to a group of six 2nd-grade boys for a week, living with and supervising them for the whole time. I recall one particular moment when all six started yelling over the minor grievance of whose turn it was to take the dirty dishes back to the kitchen that meal. I tried diffusing the situation peacefully but, in the end, it required a firmer stance to get them to calm down. It was tough for me to take a harder line with them, but it was a valuable lesson that being assertive, yet still kind, is an effective method for future situations.

I cannot wait to apply for a full counselor position next summer, as each year I learn more from camp about what it is to be a compassionate leader, a convincing role model, and a team player.

  • Specific Example : For UC essays, it's important to directly and clearly answer the prompt. This student does a good job of using a specific moment that clearly answers the prompt.
  • Honest About Challenges : You don't have to present yourself as a perfect human being. Instead, by showing your flaws and challenges, it makes you more relatable. This student does that well by admitting: "I was unconvinced that I was being the role model I had envisaged of myself."

What They Might Change:

  • Give More Details : In addition to stating "...it required a firmer stance to get them to calm down," it's better to show this. How did you act in that moment? How can you illustrate that assertiveness, without just stating it?

College Essay Example #6: Teaching Talent

UC PIQ #3: What would you say is your greatest talent or skill? How have you developed and demonstrated that talent over time? (350 words max)

My greatest talent is teaching. I love the opportunity to help others and seeing them develop and improve as a result of my input is always so rewarding.

My principle teaching outlet is as a diving coach. My favourite part about this job is that it is so dynamic, and each session is different. Some days the divers are in a great mood, dive impressively, and will jest with you nonstop which, being extroverted, fills me with energy and is a genuinely enjoyable evening. These sessions are so easy to coach as you can present yourself as a friend to the divers and deepen the trust that exists between you. However, other nights the kids are tired and unenthusiastic and coaching becomes far more challenging. I have to be stricter with them while simultaneously finding ways to motivate them, such as introducing little competitions or rewards for training hard. Over time, I have gotten much more confident at adjusting my coaching attitude towards the signals I pick up from the divers and it has made my job significantly easier.

This year, I have taken on the additional responsibility of leading the Learn to Dive squad, the largest group of divers at my club. At first, it was tough for me to adjust to my new role as it entailed more work with other coaches, helping them to develop their own coaching ability and monitoring the progression of their divers, as well as with kids of my own. However, I have grown to love this new element of my job, despite the challenge of instructing coaches older than myself, as it has forced me to develop my teaching ability in new ways. I have had to analyse my own teaching methods in order to explain them to other coaches and this both helped them to understand how to improve, but also allowed me to refine and develop how I coach my own divers.

Teaching is such an important part of my life because it allows me to learn and increase my own knowledge while making a positive impact on others.

College Essay Example #7: Linguistics

This Personal Insight Question essay was accepted into UCLA among others.

UC PIQ #6: Think about an academic subject that inspires you. Describe how you have furthered this interest inside and/or outside of the classroom. (350 words max)

While reading Tolkien's The Silmarillion , I was struck by the elegance of the Elvish script he included. Upon further research, I discovered that he had created an entire language – Quenya – to accompany the Lord of the Rings trilogy. The idea that a language could be crafted and cultivated like a piece of art was both illuminating and inspiring to me. I had heard of Esperanto previously, but I believe Tolkien wasn’t trying to change the world with his creation. His goal was simply to create a language for the pleasure of it, and to enrich his storytelling and worldbuilding.

The revelation that language could be more than just a tool for communication triggered a love for linguistics that persists to this day. I voraciously tore through reference grammars and college textbooks alike, including An Introduction to Historical Linguistics by Lyle Campbell.

I even tried to emulate Tolkien and create a language of my own. Whether at school taking classes in Spanish, French, Italian, Latin, and Ancient Greek, or at home studying the phonology of Brazilian Portuguese on my own, languages excited and motivated me to learn more. I was awarded the Arthur Beatty award for outstanding linguist in the year as a result of my dedication to the language program at school.

Watching Game of Thrones reintroduced me to conlanging in the form of Dothraki and rekindled my interest, prompting me to write my IB extended essay on the historical etymology of Spanish. It was a challenging project, but I loved every minute of my research. While my friends were lamenting their boredom at poring over endless journals on topics they didn’t enjoy, I was studying a subject for which I am truly passionate. I hope to continue my study of language in university, and one of my goals in life is to be trilingual. I have no doubt that languages will continue to inspire me throughout life, and I hope to be able to share some of this passion with others along the way.

College Essay Example #8: Linguistics Society

Here's another UCLA essay that worked.

UC PIQ #7: What have you done to make your school or your community a better place? (350 words max)

Throughout my time at school, I have tried to share my passions and interests with others in various ways.

With the help of a friend, I reinvigorated and reinvented the school linguistics society, transforming it from a dull discussion of past exam questions to a seminar-style session where I have presented and analysed various interesting aspects of language. We have covered topics ranging from phonetics to historical sound change, and it has attracted a loyal troop of linguists who relish the weekly meetings almost as much as I do.

I have also channelled my passion for teaching into volunteering as a Spanish teacher at another local elementary school. Leading a class of thirty students can be a challenge, mainly as that many students are often hard to control. Nevertheless, I have planned and carried out lessons there each week for the last three years and have learnt a lot from it. I have found that as my confidence has grown, so the students have started to listen to and respect me more. They gain more from the lessons, as is evident from their progress at the end of each semester, and my enjoyment and fulfilment has risen. I am glad to have had a positive impact on their learning, and that I have been able to teach a subject that genuinely interests me.

Finally, I was appointed as a school prefect for senior year. In this role, I have been involved with a number of charity initiatives, such as organising bake sales and sponsored sporting events to raise money for the Make a Wish foundation, as well as various pastoral activities such as mentoring incoming freshman and guiding prospective parents around the campus. I love being a prefect as it allows me to give something back to the school that has been a huge part of my life for the last several years. I hope my legacy is that students feel more comfortable and confident in the school environment, and that they are inspired to become leaders as I have been to give back to the community in turn.

College Essay Example #9: New Perspectives

This essay was accepted into UC Berkeley .

Seconds after our teacher announced our project groups ​I heard the familiar, pitchy voice of the most irritating person in the class yell my name. Just like my worst nightmare, I had been put in a group to work with Eva; the annoying girl who had a weird obsession with horses. At that moment, I knew that it was going to be the longest project of my life.

Eva was extremely difficult to work with; she would always interrupt me, stubbornly stuck to what she wanted, and did not listen to a thing I said. Two weeks of tension and no progress flew by until one day during class, Eva went on another ramble about her horses.

Although I wasn't ready to hear her talk about horses again, I let her continue. What was another rant about horses turned into a conversation about the mental disorders Eva faced and how she relied on horse riding as therapy. After that conversation, our progress took a complete 180. I was eager to learn more, and we finished the project with more purpose and meaning. My perspective changed entirely.

I was moved by Eva’s passion for horse riding and encouraged her to start a club on campus where she could share her passion with others. Beyond this project, I helped Eva defend her riding center during city council meetings because it was on the verge of being shut down. In exchange, working with Eva taught me how to be more open-minded, more patient, more understanding; values of which I personally lacked my entire life. ​I began to cooperate with people with a more accepting and considerate mentality, understanding that people work in different ways.

I’m glad I chose to work through the project with Eva because I grew as a leader in a way that I would have never expected. I know I could have easily done the project by myself, but instead, I worked through our disagreements and bickering. S​haring this experience with Eva unearthed my ability to lead using patience and understanding, which are now essential assets to my leadership capabilities.

Part 3: Supplemental Essay Examples

Essay Examples: Supplemental Essays

Many top colleges require students to supplemental essays.

Each school may ask different prompts or none at all. And often your answers will be more specific and directly about the school.

In this section, you'll find supplemental essay examples from top universities. I've included a variety of prompts to cover common supplemental prompts, from "Why this college?" to major and area of study questions

Let's jump into the essays.

In addition to the your personal statement or statement of purpose (SOP), many colleges also require supplements.

These supplemental essays are often specific to the school and ask you to answer a specific question, such as "Why this college?" or "Why this major?"

In this section, you'll find supplemental essay examples from top universities. I've included a variety of prompts to cover common supplemental prompts that you may encounter.

College Essay Example #10: Fermat's Last Theorem

This supplemental essay was accepted into Cornell University .

Prompt: Cornell Engineering celebrates innovative problem solving that helps people, communities…the world. Consider your ideas and aspirations and describe how a Cornell Engineering education would allow you to leverage technological problem-solving to improve the world we live in. (250-650 words)

For "Why Us?" college essays, one of the most important parts is to show ways you imagine being involved on campus. This student does a great job of showing that they've done their research about Cornell, by connecting their passion for studying heart disease to specific initiatives already taking place on campus. Try researching what events, research, or programs are being conducted. By referencing those specifics, you can create convincing reasons of why this school is fit for you.

When discussing your intended area of study, one effective strategy is to identify a problem that you see. This problem can be in the field itself, your community, or the world. Then, you can connect this problem to yourself by showing how you'd want to help solve it. Don't try to tackle it entirely yourself, but show how you'd "take bites" out of this larger problem. It is also important that you identify potential solutions to the problem. You definitely don't (and shouldn't) have all the answers, but what do you see as potential steps for combatting the issue?

Using technical language, such as referencing "semi-elliptical curves" and "modular form" in this essay, will help show your in-depth knowledge and passion. Don't be afraid to use technical jargon like this, and don't worry if admissions officers may not know all the terms. As long as they have context and knowing the terminology isn't critical to understanding your point, including "nerdy" language will make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your intelligence.

If you have personal connections to the school you're applying to (such as legacy, family members who work there, students or faculty you're close with), it can be a good idea to reference those connections. Showing personal connections to the school makes admissions think, "They're already practically one of us!" Just make sure that these connections aren't contrived: only write about them if you have a clear purpose within your essay for introducing them. In this essay, the student references their brother who attended Cornell, but does so in a way that naturally ties into the rest of their reasons for "why Cornell."

College Essay Example #11: Bug Fixing

Here's another Cornell essay that worked .

Prompt: Describe two or three of your current intellectual interests and why they are exciting to you. Why will Cornell's College of Arts and Sciences be the right environment in which to pursue your interests? (650 words max)

College Essay Example #12: Why UPenn

If you enjoyed the UPenn Common App essay , here's a supplement that was also accepted into the University of Pennsylvania .

Prompt: How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (650 words max)

This essay does a great job of conveying a thoughtful and candid applicant. Their phrasing, although verbose in some places, comes across genuine because the author walks you through how they learned about the school, what they're looking for in a school, and why the school would offer those specific things. Phrases like "I didn't know if I could honestly see myself studying that" are conversational and natural-sounding, which help create a sincere tone.

By referencing specific programs, like "Penn in Washington" as well as various minors and concentrations, it is clear this student has done their research about the school. One of the most important aspects for a "Why Us" essay is to find specific and unique opportunities and name them in your essay. These could be things like specific professors and their work, campus and its location, interesting classes, unique internship/study-abroad/job programs, special events, and many more. The key is referencing things that are entirely unique to the school and not many other schools too. Avoid broad terms like "renowned faculty" or "interdisciplinary studies" because virtually all colleges offer things like this, and these are some of the most over-used and artificial reasons used in "Why Us" essays.

This essay has many moments of repetition that are unnecessary. In general, avoid repeating your ideas and when editing, ask yourself of each sentence: does this add something distinctly new and important to my essay? There are two common mistakes that often create repetition: prefacing your ideas and summarizing your ideas. Unlike academic writing, you don't need to "prepare" the reader for what you're going to say, and you don't need to conclude it with a summary. By doing so, you only create unnecessary repetition and take up words which could otherwise be used to include new specific details or ideas.

This essay spends nearly half of its words explaining the "interdisciplinary" opportunities at UPenn. However, this reason is quite superficial and not at all unique to Penn, as almost all colleges offer some sort of interdisciplinary study (i.e. combining your interests or studying multiple fields). Talking about "interdisciplinary study" is one of the most common reasons students use in their "Why Us" essay, and it often comes across as generic and unoriginal. Instead, look for offerings that no other (or very few other) schools provide. Narrow down your reasons "why" to make them more specific to the school, even if they are smaller scale. You can mention things like "interdisciplinary studies" or "diverse student body" briefly as a reason why, but don't make them one of your primary reasons why, unless you have something particularly unique about it.

College Essay Example #13: Story of My Name

This interesting essay is a Dartmouth essay that was admitted. Enjoy!

Prompt: The Hawaiian word mo’olelo is often translated as “story” but it can also refer to history, legend, genealogy, and tradition. Use one of these translations to introduce yourself. (250-300 words)

My name is Eoin Hourihane and my entire life, no one has ever pronounced my name correctly. My genealogy is Irish and my name is spelled this way because every male in the Hourihane family, for the past seven generations, has been named John. Since my older brother's name is John, my dad decided to honor his heritage, which gives me my dual citizenship, and name me the old Gaelic for John: Eoin.

I am the youngest of six which brings with it the never-ending comparisons, teasing, and constant bickering; add to that being small for my age until the age of twelve, and you can imagine my household. We have all been raised to be independent, to love nature (except Princess Ali), and to work our hardest at everything we do.

I have always loved math, playing hockey (ice or floor), matzah ball soup, the Beatles and Queen. As a kid, I was into Percy Jackson and a series of books with titles that all ended in “-ology,” the churros at the hockey rink in Jamestown, Bang party snaps, t-shirts by Tobuscus, and my two stuffed cats - one with a mortarboard, and the other with a Star of David on its front left paw. I have dreamt of being a biomedical engineer and creating a glass eye that can see, knowing the intricacies of the human body and its responses to environmental and internal stimuli, and performing surgery on the brain.

I have celebrated Chanukah and Christmas, honoring my Jewish mother and my Catholic father, but not truly affiliating with either. I am a liberal thinker who follows current events closely, and I am eager to explore the world outside of Buffalo, NY, participate in an academic environment that will challenge me, and live among a community of learners.

College Essay Example #14: Ideal College Community

This supplement was accepted into Columbia University .

Prompt: List a few words or phrases that describe your ideal college community. (150 words max)

Filled with activity around the clock. A place to come home to.

Trying to get past locked doors (literal and metaphorical).

Offering intellectual freedom and curiosity, without forcing specialization. Accommodating students who are unwilling to wait to make a difference. Willing to look critically at itself.

Socially conscious and politically active.

Never taking its eye off the national or global stage.

Buzzing with so much life it flows beyond the campus into the outside world.

So much life that sometimes it intimidates, that it yearns for more hours in the day. With too many options to choose from, Too much to do in four years.

Filled with clever eyes that see new ideas in the lessons of history.

Diverse of origin, of culture, of opinion, of religion, of personality, Diverse like an international center of thought and ideas and passions. An urban wonderland.

Supporting of extraordinary ambitions.

College Essay Example #15: Why Computer Science

This essay was accepted into Columbia University . To read more exceptional Columbia essays, be sure to check out our list for more Columbia essay examples .

Prompt: For applicants to Columbia College, please tell us what from your current and past experiences (either academic or personal) attracts you specifically to the field or fields of study that you noted in the Member Questions section. If you are currently undecided, please write about any field or fields in which you may have an interest at this time. (300 words max)

Studying computer science gives me the opportunity to be in a field that evolves so quickly I can always be on the forefront and do cutting-edge work. This summer at an ad-tech company, I moved the data science team’s analysis programs to a novel cluster-computing engine (Kubernetes), which can manage and distribute tasks across thousands of computers at once. Kubernetes is so new that barely any information has circulated about it. Because of this novelty, I was able to publish the first existing documentation of a data science pipeline in Kubernetes.

Computer science can also automate the manual drudgery of life. For example: to manage my clubs, I’ve written a program that checks for emails from members with excuses for missing meetings and automatically logs their absences.

Since computers have become the platform for every science, coding allows me to contribute to numerous fields. When I started at Einstein College of Medicine last year, I knew nothing about computational biology. Our project showed me that basic programming was all I needed to find fascinating results in the mostly unstudied mountains of genomic data.

As a person, I’m drawn to seemingly impossible challenges, in particular, the quest to teach machines and create mechanical consciousness. When I started taking online courses in AI, I became fascinated by the gradient descent method in machine learning. The method casts complex input data (e.g. photos) as thousand-dimensional surfaces and attempts to descend to the lowest points (minima) of those surfaces. It works best on data with underlying patterns, like pictures of human faces. This indicates that, in some way, the very nature of what a ‘face’ is, what unique structure is shared by nearly all faces, is found in the minima that AI models descend towards. My dream is to do foundational artificial intelligence research.

College Essay Example #16: Volunteering at Hospital

This essay was accepted into the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill . Want to read more UNC essay examples? Check out our list of the best UNC essays for this year.

Prompt: We hope you’ll share with us the activities that you’ve found especially worthwhile. We also hope you won’t feel compelled to tell us everything you’ve ever done or, worse yet, to do things that mean little to you just because you think we expect them.

Low-profile pursuits can be just as meaningful as ones that draw more attention, and fewer activities can be just as good, and sometimes even better, than more activities. For example, although starting a new club can be a great experience and helpful to others, so can caring for siblings, parents, or grandparents, working outside the home to put food on the table, or being a good and caring friend.

For these reasons, although we’re glad to receive complete résumés, we don’t require or encourage them. Instead, if you choose to submit something that goes beyond what you’re providing through your Common Application, keep it brief; focus less on including everything and more on choosing and explaining the things that have meant the most to you; and upload it here. (650 words max)

Everywhere I looked, I saw a sea of white coats and scrubs; there was constant beeping of the heart monitors, and the smell of disinfectant was strong.

There I stood - a diminutive, awkward high school kid - lacking in experience and confidence, ready to begin volunteering at Vidant Medical Center. Perhaps the very same qualities that made me nervous were what put patients at ease. Many patients, especially younger ones who were uncomfortable speaking with medical professionals, seemed much more comfortable in my presence. I have learned this quality is how I have been able to make a difference - by connecting with many of the younger patients who were nervous just like me. I’ll always remember the two eight-year-old brothers who were waiting as their father got an MRI.

In some ways, they were also like me - they loved sports, and had an interest in math and science. As they were waiting, we talked about everything, from who they thought would win the NBA championship title to me giving them tips on how to remember their multiplication tables. This interaction put them at ease and kept them from becoming restless.

Every time I step into the hospital, I strive to connect with people. I find that I am able to make a difference not strictly due to my tasks of escorting and discharging patients but because of connection and rapport that I establish with them.

My initial nervousness about whether or not I would be able to assist sick and injured patients soon gave way to relief and gratification as I learned that I was indeed able to help them, by bringing a smile to those I escort, discharge, or deliver meals . I’ve met people I might never have met otherwise, and we’ve shared our thoughts and talked about our experiences. I have come to look forward to their company, who, despite their conditions, are still able to smile every day and enjoy engaging in conversation with me - and vice versa.

Even when volunteering in areas of the hospital where I’m not in contact with patients as often, such as doing food preparation, I always make sure to visit the patients I escort after my shift, to talk to them and uplift their spirits. Volunteering at a hospital reminds me every day how fortunate I am to be in good health and of the rewards of helping those who aren’t. While my job as a volunteer at the hospital may not result in the discovery of a cure for cancer, I am happy to have had an opportunity to contribute to improving the experiences of the children and young adults coping with their hospital stays.

College Essay Example #17: Why Carnegie Mellon

This essay was accepted into Carnegie Mellon University . Want to read more essays that worked for CMU? Check out our list of Carnegie Mellon essays that worked .

Prompt: Why Carnegie Mellon? (650 words max)

With a strong background in computer science and communications, I hope to incorporate both into a future career of building data systems, conducting research, and consulting for organizations that serve underrepresented citizens.

Specific details and anecdotes will almost always be more compelling than less specific ones. In this essay, the student does a great job of including specific, "nerdy" details, such as "an association test between melanoma associated variants and survival outcome." These details demonstrate your in-depth knowledge of an area and make your essay more engaging.

This essay does a fantastic job of addressing real-world problems and emphasizing the "bigger picture" impact of their studies. Rather than just explaining what they want to study, this student explains how their education will help them have an impact on the world. Make an argument for what problems you see in the world and how you could potentially help solve them.

For "Why Us?" college essays, one of the most important parts is to reference unique aspects to the school. Almost all colleges have strong academics, great faculty, etc. So instead of referencing those points, reference what makes the school unique and different. In this essay, the student talks about "CMU's Technology Consulting in the Global Community" program, which is both highly specific to CMU and relevant to their own interests.

In general, you should avoid simply listing your achievements. This student has many remarkable activities and experiences, but it comes across less interesting because the first half of the essay is simply describing these accomplishments.

For "Why Us?" essays, it is also a good idea to reference the values the school represents. Each school has a different "culture" and type of student body, and admissions wants to know how you will fit in.

College Essay Example #18: Why NYU?

This essay was accepted into New York University . Writing your NYU essays doesn't have to be stressful if you get inspired by these examples.

Prompt: Why NYU?

We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivated you to apply to NYU? Why have you applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and or area of study? If you have applied to more than one, please also tell us why you are interested in these additional areas of study or campuses. We want to understand - Why NYU? (400 words max)

Living in a suburb my whole life, I've always felt as if I lived in a two-dimensional plane. I can go left, right, forward, and backward.

In a suburb, however, it is nearly impossible to get any meaningful altitude. Upon visiting New York City during the summer before my senior year, however, I found myself gazing up at the skyscrapers soaring high above me. I've always loved the views mountains and buildings; both from above and below. I also have spent time studying Mandarin, and Shanghai would offer a unique opportunity to further my linguistic studies while engaging in cultural immersion.

Beyond settings, NYU has the capacity and the resources available for me to engage in research in quantum computation. Playing video games got me into math and science beyond just playing with my calculator as a baby. There were practical applications of the numbers, and I wanted to understand how it all worked in order to get the best equipment and maximize ammo efficiency. I would watch "Mythbusters" and try to come up with my own hypothesis and see if it matched their conclusion.

In 8th grade, I figured out that I loved science along with math, but I didn't exactly know what science I loved. At the time I was in "physical science" and I did enjoy the class a lot, but I always thought of physics as "speed distance time" triangles which were no fun at all. I was convinced to take AP Physics in my junior year with my friends, and I loved it. It was almost every week we would learn something that completely altered my perception of the universe.

Once I learned about quantum physics and how it basically destroys our understanding of everything, I knew I wanted to pursue it further, and be at the forefront of quantum research.

At NYU, not only can I take courses to learn about the subject, but I can also participate in research through the "Center for Quantum Phenomena". Taking advanced courses and conducting research in a new setting, such as New York or Shanghai, can offer me a new perspective and a breath of fresh air. Conversely, I can help over NYU a new perspective on critical thinking and problem-solving. I chose to apply to NYU because NYU is fit for me, and I am fit for NYU.

College Essay Example #19: Moving Places

This essay was accepted into Pomona College . Check out this Pomona supplement that worked.

Prompt: For Pomona students, the College’s location in Southern California is integral in shaping their experience. Tell us about a location, real or fictional, that has shaped you in a meaningful way. (650 words max)

In supplements where they aren't specifically asking you to write about the school, it can still be a good idea to connect to the school subtly. In this prompt, Pomona isn't asking for "Why Pomona," but the author still manages to imply their interest in the school by referencing Pomona's location near the "San Gabriel Mountains" and "East L.A." This is a subtle way of making the essay feel targeted for Pomona specifically, rather than this essay being reused for other schools, without answering the prompt in a way they aren't looking for.

This essay starts off with a strong metaphor, comparing a "Swiss Army knife" to blankets, which implies the many uses of blankets. This is a captivating hook because it is creative and makes sense when thought about, but isn't something immediately obvious. Throughout the essay, "blankets" become a symbol of being able to adapt to new locations and environments. By using "blankets" as a common thread through the essay, it makes their writing about various locations still feel connected. Even though the prompt is asking for "a location," this manages to work because "blankets" becomes the unifying symbol that ties together multiple locations.

By describing the luxurious-sounding places they've traveled, this essay could come across as privileged. Although coming from privilege isn't necessarily a bad thing for applying to colleges, emphasizing that privilege (especially nonchalantly) could come across as "entitled." This essay doesn't necessarily come across that way, but over-emphasizing your privilege could come across as not recognizing that privilege or "out of touch" with others who may come from less privilege. Instead, it may be better to acknowledge your privilege and show gratitude—emphasizing how those opportunities have allowed you to make a positive impact on others.

College Essay Example #20: Double Major

Here's another liberal arts essay that worked, again for Pomona College .

Prompt: Most Pomona students enter the College undecided about a major, or they change their minds about their prospective major by the time they graduate. Certainly we aren’t going to hold you to any of the choices you’ve made above. But, in no more than 250 words, please tell us why you’ve chosen the academic programs (or undecided!) that you have listed. (250 words max)

I’m sitting backstage at my first international piano competition, anxiously awaiting my turn to perform. Unconsciously, I massage my right wrist, still recovering from a recent injury. The young man beside me feels my nervousness and starts a conversation.

As we whisper, I notice him rub his hands together uncomfortably. “What’s wrong?” I ask, quickly leaving my own wrist alone. He suppresses a nervous laugh, then quietly details the long and unsuccessful surgery that shattered his dream of becoming a professional musician. His hands were permanently damaged.

“Alessandra Fang,” the judges call. I stand up, walk to the main stage and look back to see him encourage me with a stiff, crooked thumbs-up. As my fingers dance on the keys, I observe the fragile muscles and ligaments under my skin.

I realize in that moment that it is not in a massive concert hall where I wanted to change people’s lives, but on a smaller stage: an operating room. As an artist who has had her share of painful, music-related injuries, my goal is to become a musician’s physician, and blend my greatest two passions so that I might bring relief to those around me, while understanding their musical and anatomical plight.

I wish to pursue both Biology and Music programs at Pomona College. I want to become a hand surgeon while still developing my artistry on the piano. After all, surgery also has its own cadence, complexity and composition.

Want to read more EssaysThatWorked?

Want to read hundreds more college essay examples?

Check out our other lists of accepted college essays for top schools. We've gathered the best essays that worked for colleges like:

  • UC Berkeley
  • University of Michigan, Ann Arbor
  • Stanford University
  • Columbia University
  • Brown University
  • Johns Hopkins University
  • Duke University
  • Northwestern University
  • Princeton University
  • University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
  • University of Southern California

And dozens more! In total, we've gathered hundreds of admitted essays from top schools.

Want to check them out all in one place?

Try out our new Essay Library ! It's a searchable database of hundreds of essays admitted to top schools.

What You Can Learn From These Essays

With the number of applicants to top schools skyrocketing, it’s becoming more and more difficult for students to get accepted. To stand out from the crowd, you'll need to write interesting essays.

In this article and on our site, we've compiled hundreds of successful college essay examples so that you can see how other students got accepted and learn exactly what to do in order to help make your application a success too.

In this post you can learn from successful essays from Ivy League universities and other top schools like:

  • University of Pennsylvania
  • Dartmouth College
  • Cornell University
  • University of Virginia

Let me know, which essay example was your favorite?

Ryan Chiang , Founder of EssaysThatWorked

Want to read more amazing essays that worked for top schools?

Hey! 👋 I'm Ryan Chiang, the founder of EssaysThatWorked.

Get our 5-minute free newsletter packed with essay tips and college admissions resources, backed by real-life examples from admitted students at top-20 schools.

Meet the Author

Ryan Chiang

I'm Ryan Chiang and I created EssaysThatWorked - a website dedicated to helping students write college essays they're proud of. We publish the best college admissions essays from successful applicants every year to inspire and teach future students.

You might also like:

25 Elite Common App Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)

25 Elite Common App Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)

20 Brilliant Personal Statement Examples + Why They Work

20 Brilliant Personal Statement Examples + Why They Work

UCLA Acceptance Rate By Major & Program 2023

UCLA Acceptance Rate By Major & Program 2023

37 Unique "Why This College" Essay Examples for Top-20 Colleges

37 Unique "Why This College" Essay Examples for Top-20 Colleges

23 College Essay Tips to Stand Out

What do outstanding essays have in common? Here are our 23 most effective strategies based on lessons from admitted students.

No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

By signing up you agree to Terms and Privacy Policy

college essay examples about moving

Now available for November 2023 ...

The College Essay Workshop

Join my on-demand step-by-step course for crafting outstanding college admissions essays, plus 1-on-1 help.

Here's everything needed to write essays worthy of Top-20 colleges.

Google Rating

Join our students who have earned acceptances to schools like...

See exactly how students wrote admitted essays for top schools.

Our 231 essay examples show you how ordinary students wrote outstanding essays that helped their applications - all in their own words.

These aren’t just essay examples - but real acceptance stories, from real students who share their most intimate details with you - down to their real essays and exact profiel stats.

How do I find a unique topic? How do I write a great essay? And how do I stand out?

Our 231 essay examples break down these exact questions. Every type of essay prompt, student, and school.

You’ll realize these students are just like you - and that, deep down, you can do it too.

college essay examples about moving

Princeton Admitted Essay

People love to ask why. Why do you wear a turban? Why do you have long hair? Why are you playing a guitar with only 3 strings and watching TV at 3 A.M.—where did you get that cat? Why won’t you go back to your country, you terrorist? My answer is... uncomfortable. Many truths of the world are uncomfortable...

college essay examples about moving

MIT Admitted Essay

Her baking is not confined to an amalgamation of sugar, butter, and flour. It's an outstretched hand, an open invitation, a makeshift bridge thrown across the divides of age and culture. Thanks to Buni, the reason I bake has evolved. What started as stress relief is now a lifeline to my heritage, a language that allows me to communicate with my family in ways my tongue cannot. By rolling dough for saratele and crushing walnuts for cornulete, my baking speaks more fluently to my Romanian heritage than my broken Romanian ever could....

college essay examples about moving

UPenn Admitted Essay

A cow gave birth and I watched. Staring from the window of our stopped car, I experienced two beginnings that day: the small bovine life and my future. Both emerged when I was only 10 years old and cruising along the twisting roads of rural Maryland...

Over 200 more admitted essays like these...

Learn the secrets behind outstanding application essays.

College essays are confusing. And it's not your fault. You're not taught how to write them in school.

How should I structure my essay? Can I use humor? What makes a truly great essay?

There's so much conflicting advice out there.

And with people selling "magic formulas" and "structures" to follow... it's easy to be led astray.

You’ll get access to courses, live events, a dedicated essay coach, and countless resources to help you write your best essays.

You finally have a place where you can ask these questions, get advice, and see exactly how admitted students before you did it.

You’re no longer figuring out everything on your own. You're no longer stuck wondering.

Everything you get

231 essays analyzed

Explore our database of 200+ admitted essays from top-20 colleges. Filter by prompt, school, topic, word count, and more. Get expert insights into why they worked and what you can learn from them.

Exclusive access to essay editing

You'll get access to our essay editing services, which is only offered for members. You can get your essays reviewed personally by me (Ryan). I'll give you detailed feedback on how to improve your essays and make them stand out.

Dedicated essay coach & support

You'll get access to our private community, where you can ask questions and get help from me directly. I'll be there to answer your questions and provide unlimited personalized advice.

44 in-depth video lessons

Learn the secrets behind outstanding essays. We break down the entire process, from brainstorming to writing and editing. You'll learn how to write amazing college essays for any prompt, with step-by-step guides and actionable tips.

26 downloadable guides

Get our best tips and tricks in easy-to-read guides. Learn what makes great essays, how to brainstorm your best topics, and how to write specific parts like a powerful hook and memorable ending.

Tons of bonuses

Get the Ultimate College Application Planner, my 154-Point Essay Checklist, and more. You'll also get a free copy of my eBooks, including 23 College Essay Tips to Stand Out and more.

Don't take our word for it

Some names have been changed to protect the privacy of our students and parents.

" Ryan, I want to express our great appreciation to you for your help on George's application essays. You have provided invaluable resources! P.S. I will certainly recommend you to our friends. "

college essay examples about moving

" Ryan—David got into The University of Michigan!!! Only 4 kids got in out of 200 that applied at his school!!! Thank you so so much for everything "

college essay examples about moving

" Thank you for the incredible help Ryan - both Hannah and I have said repeatedly that we could not have done it without you! "

college essay examples about moving

" Thank you for your help with my essays back in November, including my Yale supplements. Just wanted to let you know I ended up getting into and committing to Yale! "

college essay examples about moving

" I feel so much more reassured to press the submit button now. I wish I knew about your site sooner! "

college essay examples about moving

" ... Invaluable to me during the college admissions process! It gave me a different perspective to look at my essays. "

college essay examples about moving

" Initially I was skeptical about my essay's idea and whether it was properly reflected in my writing. This gave me a clear direction! "

college essay examples about moving

Don't miss out on writing your best college essays.

© 2018- 2023 Essays That Worked . All rights reserved.

Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our Terms and Conditions , Privacy Policy , and Cookie Policy .

We have no affiliation with any university or colleges on this site. All product names, logos, and brands are the property of their respective owners.

Essays That Worked

college essay examples about moving

The essays are a place to show us who you are and who you’ll be in our community.

It’s a chance to add depth to something that is important to you and tell the admissions committee more about your background or goals. Below you’ll find selected examples of essays that “worked,” as nominated by our admissions committee. In each of these essays, students were able to share stories from their everyday lives to reveal something about their character, values, and life that aligned with the culture and values at Hopkins.

Read essays that worked from Transfer applicants .

Hear from the class of 2027.

These selections represent just a few examples of essays we found impressive and helpful during the past admissions cycle. We hope these essays inspire you as you prepare to compose your own personal statements. The most important thing to remember is to be original as you share your own story, thoughts, and ideas with us.

college essay examples about moving

Ordering the Disorderly

Ellie’s essay skillfully uses the topic of entropy as an extended metaphor. Through it, we see reflections about who they are and who they aspire to be.

college essay examples about moving

Pack Light, But Be Prepared

In Pablo’s essay, the act of packing for a pilgrimage becomes a metaphor for the way humans accumulate experiences in their life’s journey and what we can learn from them. As we join Pablo through the diverse phases of their life, we gain insights into their character and values.

college essay examples about moving

Tikkun Olam

Julieta illustrates how the concept of Tikkun Olam, “a desire to help repair the world,” has shaped their passions and drives them to pursue experiences at Hopkins.

college essay examples about moving

Kashvi’s essay encapsulates a heartfelt journey of self-discovery and the invaluable teachings of Rock, their 10-year-old dog. Through the lens of their companionship, Kashvi walked us through valuable lessons on responsibility, friendship, patience, and unconditional love.

college essay examples about moving

Classical Reflections in Herstory

Maddie’s essay details their intellectual journey using their love of Greek classics. They incorporate details that reveal the roots of their academic interests: storytelling, literary devices, and translation. As their essay progresses, so do Maddie’s intellectual curiosities.

college essay examples about moving

My Spotify Playlist

Alyssa’s essay reflects on special memories through the creative lens of Spotify playlists. They use three examples to highlight their experiences with their tennis team, finding a virtual community during the pandemic, and co-founding a nonprofit to help younger students learn about STEM.

More essays that worked

We share essays from previously admitted students—along with feedback from our admissions committee—so you can understand what made them effective and how to start crafting your own.

college essay examples about moving

Application Workshops

Our interactive workshops—on topics like the college search process and essay preparation—will help you build your strongest application when you’re ready to apply.

REGISTER FOR AN APPLICATION WORKSHOP

Application tips in your inbox

Join our mailing list to receive insights from our admissions committee, event invites, and other resources for your college journey.

Quick Links:

  • Majors, Minors & Programs
  • Application Deadlines & Requirements
  • College Planning Guide

PrepScholar

Choose Your Test

Sat / act prep online guides and tips, 53 stellar college essay topics to inspire you.

author image

College Essays

feature_orange_notebook_pencil_college_essay_topics

Most colleges and universities in the United States require applicants to submit at least one essay as part of their application. But trying to figure out what college essay topics you should choose is a tricky process. There are so many potential things you could write about!

In this guide, we go over the essential qualities that make for a great college essay topic and give you 50+ college essay topics you can use for your own statement . In addition, we provide you with helpful tips for turning your college essay topic into a stellar college essay.

What Qualities Make for a Good College Essay Topic?

Regardless of what you write about in your personal statement for college , there are key features that will always make for a stand-out college essay topic.

#1: It’s Specific

First off, good college essay topics are extremely specific : you should know all the pertinent facts that have to do with the topic and be able to see how the entire essay comes together.

Specificity is essential because it’ll not only make your essay stand out from other statements, but it'll also recreate the experience for admissions officers through its realism, detail, and raw power. You want to tell a story after all, and specificity is the way to do so. Nobody wants to read a vague, bland, or boring story — not even admissions officers!

For example, an OK topic would be your experience volunteering at a cat shelter over the summer. But a better, more specific college essay topic would be how you deeply connected with an elderly cat there named Marty, and how your bond with him made you realize that you want to work with animals in the future.

Remember that specificity in your topic is what will make your essay unique and memorable . It truly is the key to making a strong statement (pun intended)!

#2: It Shows Who You Are

In addition to being specific, good college essay topics reveal to admissions officers who you are: your passions and interests, what is important to you, your best (or possibly even worst) qualities, what drives you, and so on.

The personal statement is critical because it gives schools more insight into who you are as a person and not just who you are as a student in terms of grades and classes.

By coming up with a real, honest topic, you’ll leave an unforgettable mark on admissions officers.

#3: It’s Meaningful to You

The very best college essay topics are those that hold deep meaning to their writers and have truly influenced them in some significant way.

For instance, maybe you plan to write about the first time you played Skyrim to explain how this video game revealed to you the potentially limitless worlds you could create, thereby furthering your interest in game design.

Even if the topic seems trivial, it’s OK to use it — just as long as you can effectively go into detail about why this experience or idea had such an impact on you .

Don’t give in to the temptation to choose a topic that sounds impressive but doesn’t actually hold any deep meaning for you. Admissions officers will see right through this!

Similarly, don’t try to exaggerate some event or experience from your life if it’s not all that important to you or didn’t have a substantial influence on your sense of self.

#4: It’s Unique

College essay topics that are unique are also typically the most memorable, and if there’s anything you want to be during the college application process, it’s that! Admissions officers have to sift through thousands of applications, and the essay is one of the only parts that allows them to really get a sense of who you are and what you value in life.

If your essay is trite or boring, it won’t leave much of an impression , and your application will likely get immediately tossed to the side with little chance of seeing admission.

But if your essay topic is very original and different, you’re more likely to earn that coveted second glance at your application.

What does being unique mean exactly, though? Many students assume that they must choose an extremely rare or crazy experience to talk about in their essays —but that's not necessarily what I mean by "unique." Good college essay topics can be unusual and different, yes, but they can also be unique takes on more mundane or common activities and experiences .

For instance, say you want to write an essay about the first time you went snowboarding. Instead of just describing the details of the experience and how you felt during it, you could juxtapose your emotions with a creative and humorous perspective from the snowboard itself. Or you could compare your first attempt at snowboarding with your most recent experience in a snowboarding competition. The possibilities are endless!

#5: It Clearly Answers the Question

Finally, good college essay topics will clearly and fully answer the question(s) in the prompt.

You might fail to directly answer a prompt by misinterpreting what it’s asking you to do, or by answering only part of it (e.g., answering just one out of three questions).

Therefore, make sure you take the time to come up with an essay topic that is in direct response to every question in the prompt .

Take this Coalition Application prompt as an example:

What is the hardest part of being a teenager now? What's the best part? What advice would you give a younger sibling or friend (assuming they would listen to you)?

For this prompt, you’d need to answer all three questions (though it’s totally fine to focus more on one or two of them) to write a compelling and appropriate essay.

This is why we recommend reading and rereading the essay prompt ; you should know exactly what it’s asking you to do, well before you start brainstorming possible college application essay topics.

body_girl_thinking_bubble_idea

53 College Essay Topics to Get Your Brain Moving

In this section, we give you a list of 53 examples of college essay topics. Use these as jumping-off points to help you get started on your college essay and to ensure that you’re on track to coming up with a relevant and effective topic.

All college application essay topics below are categorized by essay prompt type. We’ve identified six general types of college essay prompts:

Why This College?

Change and personal growth, passions, interests, and goals, overcoming a challenge, diversity and community, solving a problem.

Note that these prompt types could overlap with one another, so you’re not necessarily limited to just one college essay topic in a single personal statement.

  • How a particular major or program will help you achieve your academic or professional goals
  • A memorable and positive interaction you had with a professor or student at the school
  • Something good that happened to you while visiting the campus or while on a campus tour
  • A certain class you want to take or a certain professor you’re excited to work with
  • Some piece of on-campus equipment or facility that you’re looking forward to using
  • Your plans to start a club at the school, possibly to raise awareness of a major issue
  • A study abroad or other unique program that you can’t wait to participate in
  • How and where you plan to volunteer in the community around the school
  • An incredible teacher you studied under and the positive impact they had on you
  • How you went from really liking something, such as a particular movie star or TV show, to not liking it at all (or vice versa)
  • How yours or someone else’s (change in) socioeconomic status made you more aware of poverty
  • A time someone said something to you that made you realize you were wrong
  • How your opinion on a controversial topic, such as gay marriage or DACA, has shifted over time
  • A documentary that made you aware of a particular social, economic, or political issue going on in the country or world
  • Advice you would give to your younger self about friendship, motivation, school, etc.
  • The steps you took in order to kick a bad or self-sabotaging habit
  • A juxtaposition of the first and most recent time you did something, such as dance onstage
  • A book you read that you credit with sparking your love of literature and/or writing
  • A school assignment or project that introduced you to your chosen major
  • A glimpse of your everyday routine and how your biggest hobby or interest fits into it
  • The career and (positive) impact you envision yourself having as a college graduate
  • A teacher or mentor who encouraged you to pursue a specific interest you had
  • How moving around a lot helped you develop a love of international exchange or learning languages
  • A special skill or talent you’ve had since you were young and that relates to your chosen major in some way, such as designing buildings with LEGO bricks
  • Where you see yourself in 10 or 20 years
  • Your biggest accomplishment so far relating to your passion (e.g., winning a gold medal for your invention at a national science competition)
  • A time you lost a game or competition that was really important to you
  • How you dealt with the loss or death of someone close to you
  • A time you did poorly in a class that you expected to do well in
  • How moving to a new school impacted your self-esteem and social life
  • A chronic illness you battled or are still battling
  • Your healing process after having your heart broken for the first time
  • A time you caved under peer pressure and the steps you took so that it won't happen again
  • How you almost gave up on learning a foreign language but stuck with it
  • Why you decided to become a vegetarian or vegan, and how you navigate living with a meat-eating family
  • What you did to overcome a particular anxiety or phobia you had (e.g., stage fright)
  • A history of a failed experiment you did over and over, and how you finally found a way to make it work successfully
  • Someone within your community whom you aspire to emulate
  • A family tradition you used to be embarrassed about but are now proud of
  • Your experience with learning English upon moving to the United States
  • A close friend in the LGBTQ+ community who supported you when you came out
  • A time you were discriminated against, how you reacted, and what you would do differently if faced with the same situation again
  • How you navigate your identity as a multiracial, multiethnic, and/or multilingual person
  • A project or volunteer effort you led to help or improve your community
  • A particular celebrity or role model who inspired you to come out as LGBTQ+
  • Your biggest challenge (and how you plan to tackle it) as a female in a male-dominated field
  • How you used to discriminate against your own community, and what made you change your mind and eventually take pride in who you are and/or where you come from
  • A program you implemented at your school in response to a known problem, such as a lack of recycling cans in the cafeteria
  • A time you stepped in to mediate an argument or fight between two people
  • An app or other tool you developed to make people’s lives easier in some way
  • A time you proposed a solution that worked to an ongoing problem at school, an internship, or a part-time job
  • The steps you took to identify and fix an error in coding for a website or program
  • An important social or political issue that you would fix if you had the means

body_boy_writing_notebook_ideas

How to Build a College Essay in 6 Easy Steps

Once you’ve decided on a college essay topic you want to use, it’s time to buckle down and start fleshing out your essay. These six steps will help you transform a simple college essay topic into a full-fledged personal statement.

Step 1: Write Down All the Details

Once you’ve chosen a general topic to write about, get out a piece of paper and get to work on creating a list of all the key details you could include in your essay . These could be things such as the following:

  • Emotions you felt at the time
  • Names, places, and/or numbers
  • Dialogue, or what you or someone else said
  • A specific anecdote, example, or experience
  • Descriptions of how things looked, felt, or seemed

If you can only come up with a few details, then it’s probably best to revisit the list of college essay topics above and choose a different one that you can write more extensively on.

Good college essay topics are typically those that:

  • You remember well (so nothing that happened when you were really young)
  • You're excited to write about
  • You're not embarrassed or uncomfortable to share with others
  • You believe will make you positively stand out from other applicants

Step 2: Figure Out Your Focus and Approach

Once you have all your major details laid out, start to figure out how you could arrange them in a way that makes sense and will be most effective.

It’s important here to really narrow your focus: you don’t need to (and shouldn’t!) discuss every single aspect of your trip to visit family in Indonesia when you were 16. Rather, zero in on a particular anecdote or experience and explain why and how it impacted you.

Alternatively, you could write about multiple experiences while weaving them together with a clear, meaningful theme or concept , such as how your math teacher helped you overcome your struggle with geometry over the course of an entire school year. In this case, you could mention a few specific times she tutored you and most strongly supported you in your studies.

There’s no one right way to approach your college essay, so play around to see what approaches might work well for the topic you’ve chosen.

If you’re really unsure about how to approach your essay, think about what part of your topic was or is most meaningful and memorable to you, and go from there.

Step 3: Structure Your Narrative

  • Beginning: Don’t just spout off a ton of background information here—you want to hook your reader, so try to start in the middle of the action , such as with a meaningful conversation you had or a strong emotion you felt. It could also be a single anecdote if you plan to center your essay around a specific theme or idea.
  • Middle: Here’s where you start to flesh out what you’ve established in the opening. Provide more details about the experience (if a single anecdote) or delve into the various times your theme or idea became most important to you. Use imagery and sensory details to put the reader in your shoes.
  • End: It’s time to bring it all together. Finish describing the anecdote or theme your essay centers around and explain how it relates to you now , what you’ve learned or gained from it, and how it has influenced your goals.

body_pen_crinkled_up_paper

Step 4: Write a Rough Draft

By now you should have all your major details and an outline for your essay written down; these two things will make it easy for you to convert your notes into a rough draft.

At this stage of the writing process, don’t worry too much about vocabulary or grammar and just focus on getting out all your ideas so that they form the general shape of an essay . It’s OK if you’re a little over the essay's word limit — as you edit, you’ll most likely make some cuts to irrelevant and ineffective parts anyway.

If at any point you get stuck and have no idea what to write, revisit steps 1-3 to see whether there are any important details or ideas you might be omitting or not elaborating on enough to get your overall point across to admissions officers.

Step 5: Edit, Revise, and Proofread

  • Sections that are too wordy and don’t say anything important
  • Irrelevant details that don’t enhance your essay or the point you're trying to make
  • Parts that seem to drag or that feel incredibly boring or redundant
  • Areas that are vague and unclear and would benefit from more detail
  • Phrases or sections that are awkwardly placed and should be moved around
  • Areas that feel unconvincing, inauthentic, or exaggerated

Start paying closer attention to your word choice/vocabulary and grammar at this time, too. It’s perfectly normal to edit and revise your college essay several times before asking for feedback, so keep working with it until you feel it’s pretty close to its final iteration.

This step will likely take the longest amount of time — at least several weeks, if not months — so really put effort into fixing up your essay. Once you’re satisfied, do a final proofread to ensure that it’s technically correct.

Step 6: Get Feedback and Tweak as Needed

After you’ve overhauled your rough draft and made it into a near-final draft, give your essay to somebody you trust , such as a teacher or parent, and have them look it over for technical errors and offer you feedback on its content and overall structure.

Use this feedback to make any last-minute changes or edits. If necessary, repeat steps 5 and 6. You want to be extra sure that your essay is perfect before you submit it to colleges!

Recap: From College Essay Topics to Great College Essays

Many different kinds of college application essay topics can get you into a great college. But this doesn’t make it any easier to choose the best topic for you .

In general, the best college essay topics have the following qualities :

  • They’re specific
  • They show who you are
  • They’re meaningful to you
  • They’re unique
  • They clearly answer the question

If you ever need help coming up with an idea of what to write for your essay, just refer to the list of 53 examples of college essay topics above to get your brain juices flowing.

Once you’ve got an essay topic picked out, follow these six steps for turning your topic into an unforgettable personal statement :

  • Write down all the details
  • Figure out your focus and approach
  • Structure your narrative
  • Write a rough draft
  • Edit, revise, and proofread
  • Get feedback and tweak as needed

And with that, I wish you the best of luck on your college essays!

What’s Next?

Writing a college essay is no simple task. Get expert college essay tips with our guides on how to come up with great college essay ideas and how to write a college essay, step by step .

You can also check out this huge list of college essay prompts  to get a feel for what types of questions you'll be expected to answer on your applications.

Want to see examples of college essays that absolutely rocked? You're in luck because we've got a collection of 100+ real college essay examples right here on our blog!

Want to write the perfect college application essay?   We can help.   Your dedicated PrepScholar Admissions counselor will help you craft your perfect college essay, from the ground up. We learn your background and interests, brainstorm essay topics, and walk you through the essay drafting process, step-by-step. At the end, you'll have a unique essay to proudly submit to colleges.   Don't leave your college application to chance. Find out more about PrepScholar Admissions now:

Hannah received her MA in Japanese Studies from the University of Michigan and holds a bachelor's degree from the University of Southern California. From 2013 to 2015, she taught English in Japan via the JET Program. She is passionate about education, writing, and travel.

Ask a Question Below

Have any questions about this article or other topics? Ask below and we'll reply!

Improve With Our Famous Guides

  • For All Students

The 5 Strategies You Must Be Using to Improve 160+ SAT Points

How to Get a Perfect 1600, by a Perfect Scorer

Series: How to Get 800 on Each SAT Section:

Score 800 on SAT Math

Score 800 on SAT Reading

Score 800 on SAT Writing

Series: How to Get to 600 on Each SAT Section:

Score 600 on SAT Math

Score 600 on SAT Reading

Score 600 on SAT Writing

Free Complete Official SAT Practice Tests

What SAT Target Score Should You Be Aiming For?

15 Strategies to Improve Your SAT Essay

The 5 Strategies You Must Be Using to Improve 4+ ACT Points

How to Get a Perfect 36 ACT, by a Perfect Scorer

Series: How to Get 36 on Each ACT Section:

36 on ACT English

36 on ACT Math

36 on ACT Reading

36 on ACT Science

Series: How to Get to 24 on Each ACT Section:

24 on ACT English

24 on ACT Math

24 on ACT Reading

24 on ACT Science

What ACT target score should you be aiming for?

ACT Vocabulary You Must Know

ACT Writing: 15 Tips to Raise Your Essay Score

How to Get Into Harvard and the Ivy League

How to Get a Perfect 4.0 GPA

How to Write an Amazing College Essay

What Exactly Are Colleges Looking For?

Is the ACT easier than the SAT? A Comprehensive Guide

Should you retake your SAT or ACT?

When should you take the SAT or ACT?

Stay Informed

Follow us on Facebook (icon)

Get the latest articles and test prep tips!

Looking for Graduate School Test Prep?

Check out our top-rated graduate blogs here:

GRE Online Prep Blog

GMAT Online Prep Blog

TOEFL Online Prep Blog

Holly R. "I am absolutely overjoyed and cannot thank you enough for helping me!”
  • Share full article

Advertisement

Supported by

Letter of Recommendation

What I’ve Learned From My Students’ College Essays

The genre is often maligned for being formulaic and melodramatic, but it’s more important than you think.

An illustration of a high school student with blue hair, dreaming of what to write in their college essay.

By Nell Freudenberger

Most high school seniors approach the college essay with dread. Either their upbringing hasn’t supplied them with several hundred words of adversity, or worse, they’re afraid that packaging the genuine trauma they’ve experienced is the only way to secure their future. The college counselor at the Brooklyn high school where I’m a writing tutor advises against trauma porn. “Keep it brief , ” she says, “and show how you rose above it.”

I started volunteering in New York City schools in my 20s, before I had kids of my own. At the time, I liked hanging out with teenagers, whom I sometimes had more interesting conversations with than I did my peers. Often I worked with students who spoke English as a second language or who used slang in their writing, and at first I was hung up on grammar. Should I correct any deviation from “standard English” to appeal to some Wizard of Oz behind the curtains of a college admissions office? Or should I encourage students to write the way they speak, in pursuit of an authentic voice, that most elusive of literary qualities?

In fact, I was missing the point. One of many lessons the students have taught me is to let the story dictate the voice of the essay. A few years ago, I worked with a boy who claimed to have nothing to write about. His life had been ordinary, he said; nothing had happened to him. I asked if he wanted to try writing about a family member, his favorite school subject, a summer job? He glanced at his phone, his posture and expression suggesting that he’d rather be anywhere but in front of a computer with me. “Hobbies?” I suggested, without much hope. He gave me a shy glance. “I like to box,” he said.

I’ve had this experience with reluctant writers again and again — when a topic clicks with a student, an essay can unfurl spontaneously. Of course the primary goal of a college essay is to help its author get an education that leads to a career. Changes in testing policies and financial aid have made applying to college more confusing than ever, but essays have remained basically the same. I would argue that they’re much more than an onerous task or rote exercise, and that unlike standardized tests they are infinitely variable and sometimes beautiful. College essays also provide an opportunity to learn precision, clarity and the process of working toward the truth through multiple revisions.

When a topic clicks with a student, an essay can unfurl spontaneously.

Even if writing doesn’t end up being fundamental to their future professions, students learn to choose language carefully and to be suspicious of the first words that come to mind. Especially now, as college students shoulder so much of the country’s ethical responsibility for war with their protest movement, essay writing teaches prospective students an increasingly urgent lesson: that choosing their own words over ready-made phrases is the only reliable way to ensure they’re thinking for themselves.

Teenagers are ideal writers for several reasons. They’re usually free of preconceptions about writing, and they tend not to use self-consciously ‘‘literary’’ language. They’re allergic to hypocrisy and are generally unfiltered: They overshare, ask personal questions and call you out for microaggressions as well as less egregious (but still mortifying) verbal errors, such as referring to weed as ‘‘pot.’’ Most important, they have yet to put down their best stories in a finished form.

I can imagine an essay taking a risk and distinguishing itself formally — a poem or a one-act play — but most kids use a more straightforward model: a hook followed by a narrative built around “small moments” that lead to a concluding lesson or aspiration for the future. I never get tired of working with students on these essays because each one is different, and the short, rigid form sometimes makes an emotional story even more powerful. Before I read Javier Zamora’s wrenching “Solito,” I worked with a student who had been transported by a coyote into the U.S. and was reunited with his mother in the parking lot of a big-box store. I don’t remember whether this essay focused on specific skills or coping mechanisms that he gained from his ordeal. I remember only the bliss of the parent-and-child reunion in that uninspiring setting. If I were making a case to an admissions officer, I would suggest that simply being able to convey that experience demonstrates the kind of resilience that any college should admire.

The essays that have stayed with me over the years don’t follow a pattern. There are some narratives on very predictable topics — living up to the expectations of immigrant parents, or suffering from depression in 2020 — that are moving because of the attention with which the student describes the experience. One girl determined to become an engineer while watching her father build furniture from scraps after work; a boy, grieving for his mother during lockdown, began taking pictures of the sky.

If, as Lorrie Moore said, “a short story is a love affair; a novel is a marriage,” what is a college essay? Every once in a while I sit down next to a student and start reading, and I have to suppress my excitement, because there on the Google Doc in front of me is a real writer’s voice. One of the first students I ever worked with wrote about falling in love with another girl in dance class, the absolute magic of watching her move and the terror in the conflict between her feelings and the instruction of her religious middle school. She made me think that college essays are less like love than limerence: one-sided, obsessive, idiosyncratic but profound, the first draft of the most personal story their writers will ever tell.

Nell Freudenberger’s novel “The Limits” was published by Knopf last month. She volunteers through the PEN America Writers in the Schools program.

Become a Writer Today

Essays About Moving to a New Country: Top 5 Examples

Being in a new country comes with both disadvantages and opportunities to thrive. If you are writing essays about moving to a new country, check out our guide.

Most of us can say that we have moved homes at least once before; if this is daunting on its own, what more a completely different country? People often move to have better opportunities for a job or a lower cost of living, but moving to a new country gives us a chance to thrive beyond that. A life-changing experience also presents us with many challenges, some quick to face and others that take months or even years to overcome. 

The experience of moving to a new country is only what you make of it. You can learn so much from such a dramatic lifestyle change, but only if you embrace it and make the most of it. This is not to say you shouldn’t feel stress, sadness, or confusion with the change, but change is constant in life and should not be shunned. Take advantage of the opportunity and thrive.

5 Top Essay Examples

1. moving to a new country essay by rosh, 2. what nobody will tell you about moving to a new country by zulie rane, 3. getting adjusted after moving to a new country by laura mueller, 4. how to cope with stress when moving abroad by josh jackman, 5. when moving to a new country please don’t do this by iva ursano, 1. why move to a new country, 2. where would you move, and why, 3. advantages and disadvantages of moving to a new country, 4. my experience moving to another country, 5. migration and immigration today, 6. lessons a new country can teach you.

“It goes without saying that moving to a new place is a thrilling adventure. The endless list of foods that you have never tasted before, visiting places that you have always seen on the television screen, smells and sounds that have captured your imagination and experiencing the cultures and traditions that are outright different from yours is something that no one wants to miss.”

In this essay, Rosh lists why one might want to move to a new country. These include professional growth, a new adventure, and making new friends. Moving can be a great new experience that can teach you a lot while being exciting at the same time. Rosh also describes a few problems to consider when moving to another country, such as the language barrier and financial issues. 

Looking for more? Check out these essays about moving to a new place .

“I wish I’d had a little more perspective back then. I wish I’d been a little better at detangling what I liked and what I didn’t like, and what the root cause was. I wish I’d been less caught up in the idea of myself as a worldly traveler, and a little more honest about what I aimed for in life. I wish I’d believed I could have stayed and made a difference about the things I cared about, instead of fleeing east.”

Rane discusses how she left Georgia, U.S.A., for the U.K. and why she regrets it. She was at odds with the slow pace of life, her peers’ political views, and her high school experience, so she decided to apply for college abroad. However, reflecting on it now, she is homesick and regrets her decision. She laments how moving is idealized without showing the negative aspects of such a change. 

“Think about the things that you’d like to achieve after moving to a new country, be it becoming fluent in the language, finding a job, finding a group of friends, etc. Then take active steps to achieve it. Working toward distinct goals will give your day’s purpose at a time when everything may seem so up in the air, and the goals themselves will help you become more a part of your surrounding community.”

In her essay, Mueller writes about several tips that can help you get used to a new country, such as learning a bit of the language and culture, going out to explore, and adjusting your routine to one more standard for the country you are in. Most importantly, she suggests setting new goals for your new country, so you have something to focus on. Mueller also stresses the importance of staying connected with your loved ones back home. Check out these essays about home .

“If moving abroad is all you think about for most of the next year, it will take your joy and your sanity – so take a break every so often. When you feel like you’re underwater, clear your thoughts, take a deep breath or five, and give yourself a moment to be silent. Then consider doing something else for a while, before you tackle the next moving issue.”

Similarly to Mueller, Jackman lists down several ways to adjust to the stress that comes with moving to a new country, such as selling some of your unnecessary belongings and listing what you are excited about. He also discusses the importance of self-care, saying it’s fine to take a break and relax, even taking time off work if necessary. You might also be interested in these articles about immigration .

“It was horrible. Downright pathetic. I showed up as an entitled North American not realizing that I’m the stranger here now. I’m the visitor. I’m the guest. If I didn’t like it, any of it, I could move. No one forced me to live here. Actually, no one even invited me or asked me to move here. Not a soul. I did this on my own.”

Ursano reflects on how she was when she moved to Guatemala, fresh from Canada. Having moved from a first-world country to a third-world country, she was, at first, incredibly entitled. She constantly complained about the internet service, language barrier, and “dirty” city. She explains that when you move to a different place, it can take a while to get used to it. But now, she loves Guatemala and never wants to leave. 

6 Prompts To Help You Begin Writing On Essays About Moving To A New Country

Essays About Moving To A New Country: Why move to a new country?

People move to other countries for many reasons, whether financial, social, political, or otherwise. In your essay, research the most common causes of moving to another country. Cite surveys, statistics, and research to support your claims, and be sure to explain your points adequately. 

Think of a country you would want to move to and consider the advantages and disadvantages. Then, for your essay, briefly describe your chosen country and explain what makes it so appealing to you. Then, describe some aspects of the country that make you want to move there, such as culture, economic opportunity, and laws. 

As stated previously, moving has its advantages and disadvantages. First, think of the different obstacles and opportunities moving to a new country may pose and discuss each one in your essay. Then, conclude whether you would personally want to move to a new country; consider whether it would be worth it or not. 

Looking for more? Check out these essays about personal growth .

If you have moved to another country before, reflect on this time and write about it in your essay. Describe why you or your family decided to move, how you initially felt moving and how your feelings changed over time. Also, explain how this big step in life has helped make you who you are today.

Essays About Moving To A New Country: Migration and immigration today

In an increasingly connected world, more and more people are leaving their countries to move to new ones. Research this phenomenon and discuss its causes and implications for the countries involved. You can also discuss statistics related to this, such as the nations where most people flee or go to. Lastly, discuss your feelings on this matter and how you would like to see this resolved: do you think more should be done so that people don’t feel the need to leave their countries? Answer this question in your essay.

Moving can give you a whole new outlook on life and can teach you a lot. Based on personal experience and research, decide on some lessons and life skills that moving to a new country can give you, including independence, tolerance, and an understanding of a new culture. Then, describe how each of these can make you a better person. 

Tip: If writing an essay sounds like a lot of work, simplify it. Write a simple 5 paragraph essay instead.If you’re still stuck, check out our general resource of essay writing topics .

college essay examples about moving

Martin is an avid writer specializing in editing and proofreading. He also enjoys literary analysis and writing about food and travel.

View all posts

Logo for University of Minnesota Libraries

Want to create or adapt books like this? Learn more about how Pressbooks supports open publishing practices.

9 10 Academic Goals Examples to Supercharge Your Student Success

Becoming a successful student involves more than just going to classes and remembering facts for the test. It is about establishing a mentality of learning and evolving continuously, and distinct academic goals are a key aspect of that. These are the lights that lead the way and help you stay on track as you navigate through the trials and tribulations of your studies, whether it’s the demands of testing or the stuff that life throws at you. But, just as importantly, by clearly defining and outlining your academic objectives, you give your study a sense of intention and purpose. Whether it’s achieving a particular GPA, mastering a challenging topic, or participating in enriching extracurricular, strong academic Goals are the foundation of both short- and long-term academic success.  

academic goals examples

Establishing concrete goals and the quest of excellence are frequently linked in the academic sphere. Before delving into these Academic Goals Examples, it is important to recognize services like Scholarly Help that provide workable ways to handle several Tasks. With options like pay someone to do my online class , Scholarly Help ensures you stay on track without compromising other responsibilities. This comprehensive guide explores ten powerful academic goals examples designed to elevate your student success to unprecedented heights. Whether your academic goals are designed to improve your critical thinking habits, advance your time management skills, or explore interdisciplinary thinking to further your academic career, they should provide students with a path toward overall intellectual and personal development. Rounding up different students through carefully structured college academic goals. All must necessarily form the basis of individual reality and opportunities.

Mastering Time Management

One of the building blocks for academic achievement is the effective management of time. The ability allows students to combine studies with other activities, namely work, daily life, or personal life. To manage time effectively, learners are recommended to:

  • Plan a Weekly Schedule: set certain hours and days to work, study, and engage in other activities; 
  • Set Priorities: determine poses that are urgent and important, then focus on a solution; 
  • Do not Get Distracted: if some activities or processes are distracting, generate disadvantages.

Enhancing Study Skills

Improving study abilities might result in better comprehension and recall of course material. Students should focus on:

  • Active Learning Techniques: Engage with the material such as holding discussions, teaching others, and transforming what one learned to real-life application. 
  • Effective Note-Taking: Employ methods like Cornell Note-taking System to organize and refresh notes. 
  • Regular Review Sessions: Set regular study dates to refresh one’s memory and prepare for exams.

Setting Specific Academic Targets

Setting clear, specific targets helps students stay motivated and measure progress. Examples of specific academic goals include:

  • Achieve Specific GPA:   Aim to reach or maintain a specific grade point average each semester.
  • Improving Grades in Challenging Subjects: Identify subjects where improvement is needed and set goals accordingly.
  • Completing Assignments Ahead of Deadlines: Plan to finish assignments before the due date to allow time for revisions.

Expanding Knowledge beyond the Classroom

Gaining knowledge outside the classroom can enhance academic performance and provide a broader perspective. Students can achieve this by:

  • Reading Extensively: Explore Books, Journals, and articles related to their field of Study.
  • Attending Seminars and Workshops: Participate in events offering additional insights and networking opportunities.
  • Engaging in Research Projects: Collaborate with professors or peers on research projects to deepen understanding of specific topics.

Developing Critical Thinking Skills

Critical thinking is vital for problem-solving and making informed decisions. Students can cultivate these skills by:

  • Questioning Assumptions: Always ask why and consider alternative viewpoints.
  • Analyzing Arguments: Evaluate the evidence and logic in different arguments.
  • Reflecting on Learning: Regularly review what has been learned and how it applies to real-world situations.

Building Effective Communication Skills

Strong communication skills are essential for academic and professional success. Students can enhance these skills by:

  • Participating in Class Discussions: Engage actively in discussions to practice articulating thoughts clearly.
  • Writing Regularly: Practice writing essays, reports, and articles to improve writing abilities.
  • Presenting Projects: Take opportunities to present work in front of an audience to build confidence and clarity.

Fostering Collaboration and Teamwork

Collaboration with peers can lead to better understanding and innovative solutions. Students should focus on:

  • Joining Study Groups: Collaborate with classmates to discuss topics and solve problems together.
  • Participating in Group Projects: Develop teamwork and leadership skills by working on group assignments.
  • Engaging in Extracurricular Activities: Join clubs and organizations that encourage teamwork and collective problem-solving.

Seeking Feedback and Continuous Improvement

Constructive feedback helps identify areas for improvement and guide academic growth. Students should:

  • Ask for Feedback: Request feedback from professors and peers on assignments and presentations.
  • Reflect on Criticism: Use feedback to identify strengths and weaknesses, developing action plans for improvement.
  • Commit to Lifelong Learning: Embrace continuous learning and improvement in all aspects of life.

Utilizing Academic Resources

Taking full advantage of available academic resources can enhance learning and performance. Students should:

  • Visit the Library Regularly: Utilize resources for research and study.
  • Use Online Databases: Access academic journals and articles online to support studies.
  • Seek Academic Support Services: Utilize tutoring, writing centers, and academic advising offered by the institution.

Preparing for Future Careers with Academic Goals

Setting academic goals with future careers in mind provides direction and motivation. Students should:

  • Identify Career Goals: Determine career aspirations and align academic goals accordingly.
  • Gain Relevant Experience: Pursue internships, part-time jobs, and volunteer opportunities related to the field of study.
  • Develop Professional Skills: Focus on skills like resume writing, interviewing, and networking to prepare for the job market.

Setting and meeting academic goals necessitates dedication, strategic planning, and consistent effort. By focusing on these ten academic goal examples, students can improve their learning experience, and performance, and set themselves up for future success. Remember that the key to academic success is to set specific, attainable goals and work hard to meet them.

Education Copyright © by john44. All Rights Reserved.

Share This Book

What are your chances of acceptance?

Calculate for all schools, your chance of acceptance.

Duke University

Your chancing factors

Extracurriculars.

college essay examples about moving

8 Overcoming Challenges College Essay Examples

The purpose of the Overcoming Challenges essay is for schools to see how you might handle the difficulties of college. They want to know how you grow, evolve, and learn when you face adversity. For this topic, there are many clichés , such as getting a bad grade or losing a sports game, so be sure to steer clear of those and focus on a topic that’s unique to you. (See our full guide on the Overcoming Challenges Essay for more tips).

These overcoming challenges essay examples were all written by real students. Read through them to get a sense of what makes a strong essay. At the end, we’ll present the revision process for the first essay and share some resources for improving your essay.

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Essay 1: Becoming a Coach

“Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly their dejectedness, at not being able to compete.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. The writer shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.

One area of improvement of this essay would be the “attack” wording. The author likely uses this word as a metaphor for martial arts, but it feels too strong to describe the adults’ doubt of the student’s abilities as a coach, and can even be confusing at first.

Still, we see the student’s resilience as they are able to move past the disbelieving looks to help their team. The essay is kept real and vulnerable, however, as the writer admits having doubts: Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

Essay 2: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This essay is an excellent example because the writer turns an everyday challenge—starting a fire—into an exploration of her identity. The writer was once “a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes,” but has since traded her love of the outdoors for a love of music, writing, and reading. 

The story begins in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. One of the essay’s biggest strengths is its use of imagery. We can easily visualize the writer’s childhood and the present day. For instance, she states that she “rubbed and rubbed [the twigs] until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers.”

The writing has an extremely literary quality, particularly with its wordplay. The writer reappropriates words and meanings, and even appeals to the senses: “My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame.” She later uses a parallelism to cleverly juxtapose her changed interests: “instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano.”

One of the essay’s main areas of improvement is its overemphasis on the “story” and lack of emphasis on the reflection. The second to last paragraph about changing perspective is crucial to the essay, as it ties the anecdote to larger lessons in the writer’s life. She states that she hasn’t changed, but has only shifted perspective. Yet, we don’t get a good sense of where this realization comes from and how it impacts her life going forward. 

The end of the essay offers a satisfying return to the fire imagery, and highlights the writer’s passion—the one thing that has remained constant in her life.

Essay 3: Last-Minute Switch

The morning of the Model United Nation conference, I walked into Committee feeling confident about my research. We were simulating the Nuremberg Trials – a series of post-World War II proceedings for war crimes – and my portfolio was of the Soviet Judge Major General Iona Nikitchenko. Until that day, the infamous Nazi regime had only been a chapter in my history textbook; however, the conference’s unveiling of each defendant’s crimes brought those horrors to life. The previous night, I had organized my research, proofread my position paper and gone over Judge Nikitchenko’s pertinent statements. I aimed to find the perfect balance between his stance and my own.

As I walked into committee anticipating a battle of wits, my director abruptly called out to me. “I’m afraid we’ve received a late confirmation from another delegate who will be representing Judge Nikitchenko. You, on the other hand, are now the defense attorney, Otto Stahmer.” Everyone around me buzzed around the room in excitement, coordinating with their allies and developing strategies against their enemies, oblivious to the bomb that had just dropped on me. I felt frozen in my tracks, and it seemed that only rage against the careless delegate who had confirmed her presence so late could pull me out of my trance. After having spent a month painstakingly crafting my verdicts and gathering evidence against the Nazis, I now needed to reverse my stance only three hours before the first session.

Gradually, anger gave way to utter panic. My research was fundamental to my performance, and without it, I knew I could add little to the Trials. But confident in my ability, my director optimistically recommended constructing an impromptu defense. Nervously, I began my research anew. Despite feeling hopeless, as I read through the prosecution’s arguments, I uncovered substantial loopholes. I noticed a lack of conclusive evidence against the defendants and certain inconsistencies in testimonies. My discovery energized me, inspiring me to revisit the historical overview in my conference “Background Guide” and to search the web for other relevant articles. Some Nazi prisoners had been treated as “guilty” before their court dates. While I had brushed this information under the carpet while developing my position as a judge, i t now became the focus of my defense. I began scratching out a new argument, centered on the premise that the allied countries had violated the fundamental rule that, a defendant was “not guilty” until proven otherwise.

At the end of the three hours, I felt better prepared. The first session began, and with bravado, I raised my placard to speak. Microphone in hand, I turned to face my audience. “Greetings delegates. I, Otto Stahmer would like to…….” I suddenly blanked. Utter dread permeated my body as I tried to recall my thoughts in vain. “Defence Attorney, Stahmer we’ll come back to you,” my Committee Director broke the silence as I tottered back to my seat, flushed with embarrassment. Despite my shame, I was undeterred. I needed to vindicate my director’s faith in me. I pulled out my notes, refocused, and began outlining my arguments in a more clear and direct manner. Thereafter, I spoke articulately, confidently putting forth my points. I was overjoyed when Secretariat members congratulated me on my fine performance.

Going into the conference, I believed that preparation was the key to success. I wouldn’t say I disagree with that statement now, but I believe adaptability is equally important. My ability to problem-solve in the face of an unforeseen challenge proved advantageous in the art of diplomacy. Not only did this experience transform me into a confident and eloquent delegate at that conference, but it also helped me become a more flexible and creative thinker in a variety of other capacities. Now that I know I can adapt under pressure, I look forward to engaging in activities that will push me to be even quicker on my feet.

This essay is an excellent example because it focuses on a unique challenge and is highly engaging. The writer details their experience reversing their stance in a Model UN trial with only a few hours notice, after having researched and prepared to argue the opposite perspective for a month. 

Their essay is written in media res , or in the middle of the action, allowing readers to feel as if we’re there with the writer. The student openly shares their internal thoughts with us — we feel their anger and panic upon the reversal of roles. We empathize with their emotions of “utter dread” and embarrassment when they’re unable to speak. 

From the essay, we learn that the student believes in thorough preparation, but can also adapt to unforeseen obstacles. They’re able to rise to the challenge and put together an impromptu argument, think critically under pressure, and recover after their initial inability to speak. 

Essay 4: Music as a Coping Mechanism

CW: This essay mentions self-harm.

Sobbing uncontrollably, I parked around the corner from my best friend’s house. As I sat in the driver’s seat, I whispered the most earnest prayer I had ever offered.

Minutes before, I had driven to Colin’s house to pick up a prop for our upcoming spring musical. When I got there, his older brother, Tom, came to the door and informed me that no one else was home. “No,” I corrected, “Colin is here. He’s got a migraine.” Tom shook his head and gently told me where Colin actually was: the psychiatric unit of the local hospital. I felt a weight on my chest as I connected the dots; the terrifying picture rocked my safe little world. Tom’s words blurred as he explained Colin’s self-harm, but all I could think of was whether I could have stopped him. Those cuts on his arms had never been accidents. Colin had lied, very convincingly, many times. How could I have ignored the signs in front of me? Somehow, I managed to ask Tom whether I could see him, but he told me that visiting hours for non-family members were over for the day. I would have to move on with my afternoon.

Once my tears had subsided a little, I drove to the theater, trying to pull myself together and warm up to sing. How would I rehearse? I couldn’t sing three notes without bursting into tears. “I can’t do this,” I thought. But then I realized that the question wasn’t whether I could do it. I knew Colin would want me to push through, and something deep inside told me that music was the best way for me to process my grief. I needed to sing.

I practiced the lyrics throughout my whole drive. The first few times, I broke down in sobs. By the time I reached the theater, however, the music had calmed me. While Colin would never be far from my mind, I had to focus on the task ahead: recording vocals and then producing the video trailer that would be shown to my high school classmates. I fought to channel my worry into my recording. If my voice shook during the particularly heartfelt moments, it only added emotion and depth to my performance. I felt Colin’s absence next to me, but even before I listened to that first take, I knew it was a keeper.

With one of my hurdles behind me, I steeled myself again and prepared for the musical’s trailer. In a floor-length black cape and purple dress, I swept regally down the steps to my director, who waited outside. Under a gloomy sky that threatened to turn stormy, I boldly strode across the street, tossed a dainty yellow bouquet, and flashed confident grins at all those staring. My grief lurched inside, but I felt powerful. Despite my sadness, I could still make art.

To my own surprise, I successfully took back the day. I had felt pain, but I had not let it drown me – making music was a productive way to express my feelings than worrying. Since then, I have been learning to take better care of myself in difficult situations. That day before rehearsal, I found myself in the most troubling circumstances of my life thus far, but they did not sink me because I refused to sink. When my aunt developed cancer several months later, I knew that resolution would not come quickly, but that I could rely on music to cope with the agony, even when it would be easier to fall apart. Thankfully, Colin recovered from his injuries and was home within days. The next week, we stood together on stage at our show’s opening night. As our eyes met and our voices joined in song, I knew that music would always be our greatest mechanism for transforming pain into strength.

This essay is well-written, as we can feel the writer’s emotions through the thoughts they share, and visualize the night of the performance through their rich descriptions. Their varied sentence length also makes the essay more engaging.

That said, this essay is not a great example because of the framing of the topic. The writer can come off as insensitive since they make their friend’s struggle about themself and their emotions (and this is only worsened by the mention of their aunt’s cancer and how it was tough on them ). The essay would’ve been stronger if it focused on their guilt of not recognizing their friend’s struggles and spanned a longer period of time to demonstrate gradual relationship building and reflection. Still, this would’ve been difficult to do well.

In general, you should try to choose a challenge that is undeniably your own, and you should get at least one or two people to read your essay to give you candid feedback.

Essay 5: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

While the writer didn’t succeed in getting the track dedicated to Coach Stark, their essay is certainly successful in showing their willingness to push themselves and take initiative.

The essay opens with a quote from Coach Stark that later comes full circle at the end of the essay. We learn about Stark’s impact and the motivation for trying to get the track dedicated to him.

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The essay goes on to explain how the writer overcame their apprehension of public speaking, and likens the process of submitting an appeal to the school board to running a race. This metaphor makes the writing more engaging and allows us to feel the student’s emotions.

While the student didn’t ultimately succeed in getting the track dedicated, we learn about their resilience and initiative: I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Overall, this essay is well-done. It demonstrates growth despite failing to meet a goal, which is a unique essay structure. The running metaphor and full-circle intro/ending also elevate the writing in this essay.

Essay 6: Body Image

CW: This essay mentions eating disorders.

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

We can see that the writer of this essay has been through a lot, and a strength of their essay is their vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members.

Still, this essay shows us that this student is honest, self-aware, and caring, which are all qualities admissions officer are looking for.

Essay 7: Health Crisis

Tears streamed down my face and my mind was paralyzed with fear. Sirens blared, but the silent panic in my own head was deafening. I was muted by shock. A few hours earlier, I had anticipated a vacation in Washington, D.C., but unexpectedly, I was rushing to the hospital behind an ambulance carrying my mother. As a fourteen-year-old from a single mother household, without a driver’s license, and seven hours from home, I was distraught over the prospect of losing the only parent I had. My fear turned into action as I made some of the bravest decisions of my life. 

Three blood transfusions later, my mother’s condition was stable, but we were still states away from home, so I coordinated with my mother’s doctors in North Carolina to schedule the emergency operation that would save her life. Throughout her surgery, I anxiously awaited any word from her surgeon, but each time I asked, I was told that there had been another complication or delay. Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities.

My mother had been a source of strength for me, and now I would be strong for her through her long recovery ahead. As I started high school, everyone thought the crisis was over, but it had really just started to impact my life. My mother was often fatigued, so I assumed more responsibility, juggling family duties, school, athletics, and work. I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover. I didn’t know I was capable of such maturity and resourcefulness until it was called upon. Each day was a stage in my gradual transformation from dependence to relative independence.

Throughout my mother’s health crisis, I matured by learning to put others’ needs before my own. As I worried about my mother’s health, I took nothing for granted, cherished what I had, and used my daily activities as motivation to move forward. I now take ownership over small decisions such as scheduling daily appointments and managing my time but also over major decisions involving my future, including the college admissions process. Although I have become more independent, my mother and I are inseparably close, and the realization that I almost lost her affects me daily. Each morning, I wake up ten minutes early simply to eat breakfast with my mother and spend time with her before our busy days begin. I am aware of how quickly life can change. My mother remains a guiding force in my life, but the feeling of empowerment I discovered within myself is the ultimate form of my independence. Though I thought the summer before my freshman year would be a transition from middle school to high school, it was a transformation from childhood to adulthood.

This essay feels real and tells readers a lot about the writer. To start at the beginning, the intro is 10/10. It has drama, it has emotions, and it has the reader wanting more.

And, when you keep going, you get to learn a lot about a very resilient and mature student. Through sentences like “I made countless trips to the neighborhood pharmacy, cooked dinner, biked to the grocery store, supported my concerned sister, and provided the loving care my mother needed to recover” and “Relying on my faith and positive attitude, I remained optimistic that my mother would survive and that I could embrace new responsibilities,” the reader shows us that they are aware of their resilience and maturity, but are not arrogant about it. It is simply a fact that they have proven through their actions!

This essay makes us want to cheer for the writer, and they certainly seem like someone who would thrive in a more independent college environment.

Essay 8: Turned Tables

“You ruined my life!” After months of quiet anger, my brother finally confronted me. To my shame, I had been appallingly ignorant of his pain.

Despite being twins, Max and I are profoundly different. Having intellectual interests from a young age that, well, interested very few of my peers, I often felt out of step in comparison with my highly-social brother. Everything appeared to come effortlessly for Max and, while we share an extremely tight bond, his frequent time away with friends left me feeling more and more alone as we grew older.

When my parents learned about The Green Academy, we hoped it would be an opportunity for me to find not only an academically challenging environment, but also – perhaps more importantly – a community. This meant transferring the family from Drumfield to Kingston. And while there was concern about Max, we all believed that given his sociable nature, moving would be far less impactful on him than staying put might be on me.

As it turned out, Green Academy was everything I’d hoped for. I was ecstatic to discover a group of students with whom I shared interests and could truly engage. Preoccupied with new friends and a rigorous course load, I failed to notice that the tables had turned. Max, lost in the fray and grappling with how to make connections in his enormous new high school, had become withdrawn and lonely. It took me until Christmas time – and a massive argument – to recognize how difficult the transition had been for my brother, let alone that he blamed me for it.

Through my own journey of searching for academic peers, in addition to coming out as gay when I was 12, I had developed deep empathy for those who had trouble fitting in. It was a pain I knew well and could easily relate to. Yet after Max’s outburst, my first response was to protest that our parents – not I – had chosen to move us here. In my heart, though, I knew that regardless of who had made the decision, we ended up in Kingston for my benefit. I was ashamed that, while I saw myself as genuinely compassionate, I had been oblivious to the heartache of the person closest to me. I could no longer ignore it – and I didn’t want to.

We stayed up half the night talking, and the conversation took an unexpected turn. Max opened up and shared that it wasn’t just about the move. He told me how challenging school had always been for him, due to his dyslexia, and that the ever-present comparison to me had only deepened his pain.

We had been in parallel battles the whole time and, yet, I only saw that Max was in distress once he experienced problems with which I directly identified. I’d long thought Max had it so easy – all because he had friends. The truth was, he didn’t need to experience my personal brand of sorrow in order for me to relate – he had felt plenty of his own.

My failure to recognize Max’s suffering brought home for me the profound universality and diversity of personal struggle; everyone has insecurities, everyone has woes, and everyone – most certainly – has pain. I am acutely grateful for the conversations he and I shared around all of this, because I believe our relationship has been fundamentally strengthened by a deeper understanding of one another. Further, this experience has reinforced the value of constantly striving for deeper sensitivity to the hidden struggles of those around me. I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story.

Here you can find a prime example that you don’t have to have fabulous imagery or flowery prose to write a successful essay. You just have to be clear and say something that matters. This essay is simple and beautiful. It almost feels like having a conversation with a friend and learning that they are an even better person than you already thought they were.

Through this narrative, readers learn a lot about the writer—where they’re from, what their family life is like, what their challenges were as a kid, and even their sexuality. We also learn a lot about their values—notably, the value they place on awareness, improvement, and consideration of others. Though they never explicitly state it (which is great because it is still crystal clear!), this student’s ending of “I won’t make the mistake again of assuming that the surface of someone’s life reflects their underlying story” shows that they are constantly striving for improvement and finding lessons anywhere they can get them in life.

Where to Get Your Overcoming Challenges Essays Edited

Do you want feedback on your Overcoming Challenges essays? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

college essay examples about moving

Calculate for all schools

Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, working on my personal statement for college applications.

Hey guys, I'm starting to work on my personal statement for my college applications and I'm feeling a little lost. What are some tips for writing a strong and compelling personal statement? Are there any topics that I should avoid discussing? Thanks in advance!

Hello! It's great that you're starting to work on your personal statement. Here are a few tips to help you write a strong and compelling essay:

1. Be authentic: Write about something that genuinely interests you or holds significance in your life. Admissions officers can tell when an essay is genuine or just trying to impress. Let your true self shine through.

2. Show, don't tell: Use vivid imagery, anecdotes, or examples to illustrate your points instead of just stating them. Show the reader how your experiences have shaped you or reveal your personality through the events and interactions in your story.

3. Focus on one central theme or idea: A personal statement should revolve around a defining moment, unique characteristic, or pivotal event in your life. Avoid trying to cover too many topics, as a scattered essay will be less engaging.

4. Think about structure: Organize your essay in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your story will be more digestible to your reader if they are clearly guided through it.

5. Edit and revise: Writing a strong personal statement takes time. Don't expect perfection in your first draft. Be prepared to revise your essay multiple times and seek feedback from teachers, friends, or family members to ensure the final version is polished and error-free. Or, if you want to get a more objective set of eyes on your writing, from someone who doesn't already know you, remember that CollegeVine offers both a free peer essay review service and paid reviews by expert college admissions advisors.

As for topics to avoid, it's important to steer clear of cliches and overused subjects, such as:

- Sports injuries or victories

- Moving schools

- Immigrant’s story (unless you can present a unique and personal angle)

- Working hard in a challenging class

These topics can still be written about if you find a way to make them unique or incredibly personal. Remember, through, your goal is for your personal statement to stand out among thousands of other essays, so your angle needs to be truly specific to you and your experiences. For tips on how to find that angle, as well as other topics you want to be careful with, check out this blog post from CollegeVine: https://blog.collegevine.com/cliche-college-essay-topics

Finally, CollegeVine's blog also contains a thorough breakdown of how to tackle personal statements in general, and examples of some especially strong ones, to give you a more concrete sense of what your final draft should look like: https://blog.collegevine.com/how-to-write-the-common-application-essays/

Best of luck with your personal statement! Remember to be genuine, focus on one theme, and take your time to revise and refine your essay. You've got this!

About CollegeVine’s Expert FAQ

CollegeVine’s Q&A seeks to offer informed perspectives on commonly asked admissions questions. Every answer is refined and validated by our team of admissions experts to ensure it resonates with trusted knowledge in the field.

IMAGES

  1. ≫ Moving To America Narrative Essay Free Essay Sample on Samploon.com

    college essay examples about moving

  2. 24 Greatest College Essay Examples

    college essay examples about moving

  3. College Essay Examples -3 Features And Functions

    college essay examples about moving

  4. 32 College Essay Format Templates & Examples

    college essay examples about moving

  5. Moving and Handling Hsc Essay Example

    college essay examples about moving

  6. College Essay

    college essay examples about moving

VIDEO

  1. college move in day 2022!

  2. How to start a college essay. Improve your essays with AI essay generator

  3. 4: Student Example of Matching Experiences to Essay Prompts

  4. How to Structure Your College Essay

  5. How to use AI for Essay Writing #college #texteroai

  6. The College Essay and Personal Statement Writing Process and Resources

COMMENTS

  1. The Best Way to Write College Essays About Moving

    Personal Insight. The first way you can think about your personal statement is by considering how your story about moving can reveal a personal insight about yourself to admissions officers. Let me give you an example. Emma moved from rural Montana to Los Angeles for her mom's job. Sure, she could write about how she was shocked by the ...

  2. 27 Outstanding College Essay Examples From Top Universities 2024

    This college essay tip is by Abigail McFee, Admissions Counselor for Tufts University and Tufts '17 graduate. 2. Write like a journalist. "Don't bury the lede!" The first few sentences must capture the reader's attention, provide a gist of the story, and give a sense of where the essay is heading.

  3. 14 College Essay Examples From Top-25 Universities (2024-2025)

    College essay example #1. This is a college essay that worked for Harvard University. (Suggested reading: How to Get Into Harvard Undergrad) This past summer, I had the privilege of participating in the University of Notre Dame's Research Experience for Undergraduates (REU) program .

  4. How to Write a College Essay about Moving

    The most important step in writing your essay about moving is to identify that story within the story. Start by brainstorming a long list of 5-10 experiences you had related to your move or many moves. You only have 650 words for this essay, so the smaller the story you can tell the better, as that will leave your room for detail and development.

  5. How to Write a Successful College Transfer Essay 2024

    Let's address these one by one: 1. Let the reader know if your expectations were or were not met. Some students want to transfer because they had a plan and it worked out, and some students transfer because they had a plan that did not work out. The "My expectations were met and the plan worked out!". Example:

  6. College Admission Essays about Moving

    December 8, 2018. College Admission Essays about Moving. Caroline Koppelman. December 8, 2018. The goal of the essay is to tell a story that illuminates something new about you to the admissions committee. Many students take this as an opportunity to try and get deep. Students frequently write about tragedy or major, life-altering obstacles ...

  7. 21 Stellar Common App Essay Examples to Inspire Your College Essay

    Common App Essay Examples. Here are the current Common App prompts. Click the links to jump to the examples for a specific prompt, or keep reading to review the examples for all the prompts. Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without ...

  8. 177 College Essay Examples for 11 Schools + Expert Analysis

    Technique #1: humor. Notice Renner's gentle and relaxed humor that lightly mocks their younger self's grand ambitions (this is different from the more sarcastic kind of humor used by Stephen in the first essay—you could never mistake one writer for the other). My first dream job was to be a pickle truck driver.

  9. Common App Essays

    Prompt 2: Overcoming challenges. Prompt 3: Questioning a belief or idea. Prompt 4: Appreciating an influential person. Prompt 5: Transformative event. Prompt 6: Interest or hobby that inspires learning. Prompt 7: Free topic. Other interesting articles. Frequently asked questions about college application essays.

  10. Moving: College Admission Essay Sample

    The tempo was slow. It was a cinch to fix a mistake without being noticed or running into another marcher. Eight steps forward, eight steps back. Stay in line with the people in front of me. Simple. But then the tempo sped up, everyone started moving in different directions from different places on the field, a crowd was cheering from the ...

  11. College Essay Examples

    Essay 1: Sharing an identity or background through a montage. Essay 2: Overcoming a challenge, a sports injury narrative. Essay 3: Showing the influence of an important person or thing. Other interesting articles. Frequently asked questions about college application essays.

  12. Moving College Essay Examples That Really Inspire

    Sample Essay On The Melting. The heat was intense. The orange light shone on the desert, drying up the remaining puddles of water into vapour, rising into the atmosphere. A lizard crawled slowly, almost dying, parched and with a hide so leather like, one would think it was crisp fried.

  13. Writing tips and techniques for your college essay

    Don't summarize. Avoid explicitly stating the point of your essay. It's far less effective when you spell it out for someone. Delete every single "That's when I realized," "I learned," and "The most important lesson was...". It's unnecessary, unconvincing, and takes the reader out of the moment.

  14. 20 Successful College Essay Examples + Why They Worked (2023)

    College Essay Example #1: The Itch. This Common App personal statement was accepted into Stanford University. Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words) Personal Statement.

  15. 16 Strong College Essay Examples from Top Schools

    First things first, this Common App essay is well-written. This student is definitely showing the admissions officers her ability to articulate her points beautifully and creatively. It starts with vivid images like that of the "rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge ...

  16. 8 Strong Ivy League Essay Examples

    Prompt: Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay. (250-650 words) "One of the great challenges of our time is that the disparities we ...

  17. Essays That Worked

    The essays are a place to show us who you are and who you'll be in our community. It's a chance to add depth to something that is important to you and tell the admissions committee more about your background or goals. Below you'll find selected examples of essays that "worked," as nominated by our admissions committee.

  18. US College Essay Tips for International Students

    US College Essay Tips for International Students. Published on September 21, 2021 by Kirsten Courault.Revised on December 8, 2023. Beyond your test scores and grades, the college essay is your opportunity to express your academic and personal character, writing skills, and ability to self-reflect.. You should use your unique culture and individual perspective to write a compelling essay with ...

  19. 53 Stellar College Essay Topics to Inspire You

    53 College Essay Topics to Get Your Brain Moving. In this section, we give you a list of 53 examples of college essay topics. Use these as jumping-off points to help you get started on your college essay and to ensure that you're on track to coming up with a relevant and effective topic.

  20. 10+ Outstanding Common App Essay Examples 2024

    Brainstorm (I think it's the most important step). Structure your essay according to your topic. Draft. Revise. Repeat. Common App essay word limit. The word limit for the Common App essay is 650. That doesn't mean you need to use all 650 words—many of the great example essays below don't.

  21. 10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

    Personal Statement Examples. Essay 1: Summer Program. Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American. Essay 3: Why Medicine. Essay 4: Love of Writing. Essay 5: Starting a Fire. Essay 6: Dedicating a Track. Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders. Essay 8: Becoming a Coach.

  22. What I've Learned From My Students' College Essays

    May 14, 2024. Most high school seniors approach the college essay with dread. Either their upbringing hasn't supplied them with several hundred words of adversity, or worse, they're afraid ...

  23. Essays About Moving to a New Country: Top 5 Examples

    5 Top Essay Examples 1. Moving to a New Country Essay by Rosh "It goes without saying that moving to a new place is a thrilling adventure. The endless list of foods that you have never tasted before, visiting places that you have always seen on the television screen, smells and sounds that have captured your imagination and experiencing the cultures and traditions that are outright different ...

  24. 9 10 Academic Goals Examples to Supercharge Your Student Success

    Examples of specific academic goals include: Achieve Specific GPA: Aim to reach or maintain a specific grade point average each semester. Improving Grades in Challenging Subjects: Identify subjects where improvement is needed and set goals accordingly. Completing Assignments Ahead of Deadlines: Plan to finish assignments before the due date to ...

  25. 8 Overcoming Challenges College Essay Examples

    Essay 1: Becoming a Coach. "Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.". Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

  26. Working on my personal statement for college applications

    4. Think about structure: Organize your essay in a logical manner, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your story will be more digestible to your reader if they are clearly guided through it. 5. Edit and revise: Writing a strong personal statement takes time. Don't expect perfection in your first draft.