bad essay writing examples

What Bad Writing Looks Like … and How to Fix It [With Detailed Examples]

29 Mar 2021 | Craft

A  lot of writers worry that they may not be good enough to be successful .

The truth is that however “good” or “bad” your writing is, you can improve with practice and with careful self-editing .

But how do you know if a particular piece of writing is any good? What exactly does “bad” writing look like … and how do you fix it?

That’s what we’re going to tackle today.

Is There Even Such a Thing As “Good” Writing?

Over many years of reading and writing, I’ve heard two different schools of thought about “good” writing.

“Lots of Popular Books Are Really Badly Written”

Some people, particularly journalists and literary critics, can be incredibly judgemental about popular books. The Twilight series, Dan Brown’s books, or Fifty Shades of Grey are ones that have come in for particular criticism.

These books might not be “good” in a literary sense – they’re unlikely to go down in history as great works of art – but they certainly do well commercially. Plenty of people enjoy them as entertainment or escapism.

There is nothing wrong with this.

Personally, I enjoy a lot of books that are considered literary fiction or classics – I studied English Literature as an undergraduate. But I also enjoy plenty of genre and commercial fiction, and I’ve read my share of fanfiction too. I’ve enjoyed all of it, in different ways.

Please don’t think that your writing is bad because it’s not literary, even if the people around you (in your family, your friendship group, or at school or university) only prize literary fiction.

“There’s No Such Thing as Good or Bad Writing”

At the opposite end of the spectrum, some people think there’s really no such thing as good or bad writing, only writing that’s inappropriate for its context.

For instance, a very clear, straightforward style might be right for a software tutorial but not for a literary novel. Rhyming verse might be perfect for a children’s book but not a romance novella.

However, some writing simply is bad, because it wouldn’t work well in any context.

Of course, this doesn’t mean it’s irredeemably bad. A poorly written first draft could, after some editing, become a really strong finished piece.

This type of “bad writing” is what we’re going to be looking at today: first or early draft writing that still needs quite a bit of work before a reader can enjoy it.

Here’s What Bad Writing Looks Like

Here’s a passage of bad writing that I’ve created, based on a lot of common drafting mistakes. I’ll split it into three parts, and go through the mistakes (and how to fix them) after each.

Bad Writing Example #1

“Hi James,” announced Jason, spotting him in the street.  “It’s a while since I’ve seen you.” “Hi Jason,” exclaimed James with surprise. “You’re right. I haven’t seen you since Dave’s party. How are you?” “I’m fine, thank you,” smiled Jason. “How about you?” “I’m great, thanks,” James laughed. “In fact, I was just about to go and get a coffee. Do you want to come with me?” “That sounds good, thanks James. I’d love to catch up.” Jason looked around the street where lots of people were walking back and forth. He wasn’t sure where the nearest coffee shop was but perhaps his friend knew. His old confidence had lived here for years. Jason was just visiting the town because he had been picking up his new glasses from the opticians. “Where should we go for coffee?” Jason queried, waving his hand around to indicate that he was uncertain of the direction in which to go. “I know a great place,” James explained. “Just follow me.”

Let’s look at some of the positives of this short piece first. There’s always something good in any piece of writing.

For instance, the dialogue is correctly punctuated. Getting dialogue punctuation right can trip up newer writers, so if you need to brush up your skills in this area, check out this guide .

Theres’s also a fairly good mix of dialogue and action. There are rather a lot of dialogue tags though there is an action beat used in one instance (“Jason looked around the street”) as a good alternative to a dialogue tag.

Unfortunately, there are quite a few things that aren’t working well here. Let’s go through them one by one.

Overly Similar Names

Are you getting confused between Jason, the newcomer to town, and James, the friend who lives in the town? It’s a good idea to avoid having two characters with names starting with the same letter, especially if those names are (a) roughly the same length and/or (b) the same gender. A Jason and a Jennifer wouldn’t be nearly so confusing. I’m going to rename James as Dave in the next extract, because I’m getting so muddled myself!

Poor Dialogue Tags

Words like announced, exclaimed, smiled, laughed, queried, and explained draw attention to themselves – rather than to the actual dialogue. They sound like the author is trying too hard. The words “said” and “asked” would work fine instead. In particular, I’d avoid tags that are particularly unusual (like “queried”) and ones that are an action rather than a way of saying something (like “smiled” and “laughed”).

Using the Wrong Word

The word “confidence” (in “his old confidence”) should be confidant (someone trusted and confided in) . This sort of mistake is really easy to make, especially as sometimes auto-correct may change a correct but unusual word into an incorrect but more familiar one. It’s an easy thing to fix, but definitely something to watch out for when editing.

Potentially Confusing Phrasing

We’re told that “lots of people were walking back and forth” in the street. This seems to imply that the same people are walking one way then back the other, which is unlikely to be the case.

Irrelevant Details

The information about people walking in the street is hardly worth mentioning: we’d expect it (unless the scene is set very early or late in the day, when a crowded street would be more unusual and worth mentioning).

Over-Explaining by the Author

Jason asks where the coffee shop is, waves his hand around, then the author explains why he waves his hand around (“to indicate that he was uncertain of the direction in which to go”). The reader likely doesn’t need the gesture explained. Even if they didn’t understand it, they’d get it from the dialogue.

Bad Writing Example #2

(I’ve now renamed James, who lives in the town, as Dave. That way, the character names aren’t so easy to muddle up.)

Dave and Jason quickly walked down the street. Dave was wearing a black coat and a blue hat that he thought looked warm. It was a windy day and Jason was feeling a little bit cold. The tall man led him down the road and past some shops and then they crossed over the street at some traffic lights where the cars stopped obediently for them to cross at their leisure though Dave quickly strode across with long steps. Jason remembered how his former comrade had always won the 100 meter sprint at school, over 30 years ago. He wondered whether he too had happy memories of their days at school. For Jason, they had truly been some of the best days of his life. He could have gone to the reunion a few months ago but he had decided not to in the end because he was going on holiday with his sister and her kids, his niece and nephew, who were aged three and five years.

Again, there are some positive things here. There’s a growing sense of the relationship between the characters, with a sense that Jason admires Dave (with his recollection about the school days). We also get a bit more of Jason’s backstory, with a mention of holidaying with his sister and her kids – though this does seem like it’s been forced in a bit.

Here’s what’s not working:

Confusing Use of Pronouns

If you have two (or more) characters of the same gender in the same scene, you need to pay careful attention to pronouns. Here, the sentence “Dave was wearing a black coat and a blue hat that he thought looked warm” is confusing because the “he” seems like it would refer to Dave – but it’s actually referring to Jason, who’s looking at Dave.

Using Phrases Instead of Character Names

Like coming up with lots of alternatives for the perfectly good word “said”, using phrases instead of character names is a common mistake. Again, it’s a problem because it draws attention to the wrong thing: the strange phrase, rather than the action or dialogue taking place. Here, Dave is referred to as the tall man and [Jason’s] former comrade . It would be better to simply use his name.

Overly Long Paragraph

The second paragraph in this section is quite long. Its length might be normal and unexceptional in some types of fiction (e.g. literary or historical fiction). But compared with the other paragraphs in this passage, it seems a bit on the long side.

Too Much Irrelevant Information

As well as being rather long, that paragraph seems to contain a lot of information that isn’t particularly relevant. Some of this is stating the obvious (the cars “stopped obediently” at the traffic lights – which is exactly what you’d expect them to do) and some seems like a tangent from the scene (Jason’s memories about school and the fact that he didn’t go to the reunion). It’s possible that this information is important to the plot, but if so, it could be woven into the story more naturally.

Redundant Phrasing

We’re told that “Jason quickly strode across with long steps.” Just “Jason strode across” would convey the same meaning, without bogging down the action with unnecessary words.

Bad Writing Example #3

At long last Dave shouted “Here we are!” and they went into the coffee shop. There was a display of cakes and biscuits behind a glass panel at the counter. Jason thought about getting one of these rich tempting delights. But he was trying to cut back on sugar so he decided to give it a miss. “Shall I buy the coffees, Jason?” enquired his friend. “Thank you, Dave. That’s very kind of you. But I insist that I buy them,” Jason insisted. “Definitely not,” exclaimed Dave, wanting to pay as Jason was visiting his town. “It’s my treat.” After a short period of deliberation, they decided to each have a latte. They stood and waited patiently for the barista making the coffees and to bring them over. Dave paid with a ten pound note, as he wanted some change, and put his change in his right trouser pocket. Once the coffees were ready, Jason and his former schoolmate went to find an unoccupied table at the back of the cafe.

Again, the dialogue is well punctuated and laid out, albeit with some rather attention-seeking dialogue tags.

But once again, there’s quite a bit of editing needed.

Here are some of the most obvious problems:

Blow by Blow Description of Mundane Event

Dave and Jason go into what we can only assume is a fairly conventional coffee shop, order lattes, and sit down. None of this is especially interesting. It certainly doesn’t need to be described in minute detail (with a fairly pointless back-and-forth conversation, the details about Dave paying and where he puts the change, and so on).

Detailed Description of What a Character DOESN’T Do

Jason looks at the cakes and biscuits but decides not to get one. Unless him cutting back on sugar is particularly important to the plot or his character arc, we could skip this entirely. Otherwise, something like “Jason resisted the temptation of the cake display” would tell us all we need to know. One of the great things about the novel form is the ability to dig into a character’s thoughts … but only when those thoughts are actually interesting.

Chit-Chat Dialogue

This has been a problem throughout the whole passage. Dave and Jason chat but without saying anything of meaning. This happens a lot in life – but it shouldn’t happen in your story! Unless the characters are about to have a row over who pays for the coffees, we don’t need the back-and-forth that happens here.

Stilted Dialogue

As well as being a bit chit-chatty, the dialogue is oddly stilted. The characters use one another’s names (which people don’t tend to do when there’s only two of them, as it’s obvious who they’re addressing) and the language like “that’s very kind of you” seems strangely formal.

Wavering Point of View

We’re told that Dave wanted to pay because Jason is visiting his town, and that he paid with a £10 note because he “wanted some change”. The rest of the passage has been from Jason’s point of view. Dipping into what Dave wants comes across as head-hopping.

In the whole passage, almost nothing has happened. Two old friends meet unexpectedly and decide to go for a coffee.

Turning Bad Writing Into Good Writing

As I said earlier, no writing is irredeemably bad … and everything you write can be (and probably should be!) redrafted.

As part of the rewrite, I’m going to assume that there are some key details we need to keep because they’ll become relevant to the plot later:

• Dave is wearing a hat
• Dave regularly won the 100 meter sprint at school
• Jason is in an area where he doesn’t live
• Jason didn’t attend the school reunion

I’m also going to keep the key plot events: the characters meet and they go to a coffee shop to talk further.

“Hi Jason!” It was Dave – Jason hadn’t seen him in years, and had forgotten he even lived around here. “Dave! It’s been a while.” Dave smiled. “Got time for a coffee? I know a place just up the road.” They strode down the street, Jason regretting that he hadn’t dressed more warmly, and feeling a little envious of Dave’s woolly hat. He had to half-run to keep up with Dave – but then, Dave had always been fast, winning the 100 meter sprint every year at school. “Did you go to the reunion?” Jason asked. “Nah, mate, did you?” “Nope,” Jason said. “I was on holiday with my sister and her kids.” They walked into the shop, Linda’s Coffee . Dave said, “What do you want? My treat.” “Oh, thanks. A latte, please.” It was a small cafe, without the glossy sheen of the chain coffee shops. It was deserted, too. The only other person there – presumably, Linda – handed them two generous lattes. Dave and Jason settled in battered leather armchairs. “So what brings you to this part of town?” Dave asked.

I wouldn’t claim this is the best piece of fiction I’ve ever written … but hopefully you can see it’s a huge improvement on the original.

If you’ve written a whole draft, whether that’s of a short story or a novel, then that’s a great achievement! Please don’t worry about your writing being “good enough” at that stage. You’ve got plenty of time to rewrite, to keep what’s working, and to cut out writing that was essentially you warming up to get into a scene.

In your own work, look out for any issues like the ones we’ve gone through here. You might also want to check out these lists of common mistakes (plus examples) for some more help:

• Ten Book-Level Mistakes to Watch Out for When Redrafting Your Fiction
• Ten Sentence-Level Mistakes to Watch Out for When Editing Your Fiction

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I’m Ali Luke, and I live in Leeds in the UK with my husband and two children.

Aliventures is where I help you master the art, craft and business of writing.

If you're new, welcome! These posts are good ones to start with:

Can You Call Yourself a “Writer” if You’re Not Currently Writing?  

The Three Stages of Editing (and Nine Handy Do-it-Yourself Tips)

What to Do When Your Writing Goals Seem a Long Way Off

My contemporary fantasy trilogy is available from Amazon. The books follow on from one another, so read  Lycopolis  first.

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I guess this article is meant for me…

im absolutely RATTLED over reading this and realizing why i dont like so much of my writing is because i do the whole ‘blow-by-blow of a mundane event’ section. this…this is gonna change me

It’s a really easy trap to fall into as a writer! I’m really glad this was helpful. Keep writing (and don’t forget to pay attention to the bits you DO like in your own writing … see what they have in common and how you can do more of that stuff). 🙂

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Welcome to the intriguing world of writing – a tantalizing tapestry of creativity, emotion, and intellectual exploration. Here, words aren’t merely vessels of communication; they’re mirrors, reflecting the vibrant mindscapes of their creators. While we often celebrate the artistry of good writing, we rarely venture into the intriguing shadows of its less glamorous counterpart – bad writing. It’s akin to exploring a secret attic, dusty and daunting, but filled with untold lessons. Let’s bravely pull back the curtain on bad writing, discover its quirks, understand its pitfalls, and learn how it can guide us on our journey to becoming stronger, more skilful writers. Buckle up, for we’re about to embark on a writing adventure like no other!

Examples of Bad Writing

Below are sample excerpts from what I think is a really bad writing. These excerpts are collected from different stories, either written by me (sometimes, when you edit, you find monsters), or by other authors. I won’t disclose their names though. Read the following samples, guess what’s wrong with them, and never write like this.

1. Sunday was a marvelous, uplifting day, perfect for our usual slow and cozy strolls around the picturesque autumn park. It was late glorious October outside, and the whole town was covered with yellow, red, brown, and crimson crispy leaves. The blue sky with fluffy, curly white clouds in it looked light-minded as if all the gruesome and sad miseries of unhappy people living under it were none of its business but its own. I put on my beige warm sweater of large viscous, pushed an old ragged door of my tiny apartment, and went outside and went outside, oh, went outside.

I hope you noticed the enormous quantity of adjectives and epithets and the grammatical errors. Don’t repeat these mistakes.

2. Whenever I was feeling depressed, sad, or just out of place, I would pack my things into a small backpack, write a couple of short letters to my friends—just to prevent them from worrying about my whereabouts—and set off travelling around the state; it really did not matter for me where to go—in youth, I was fascinated with the aesthetics and nomadic romance of the beat generation, so usually I would buy a ticket on a bus (Greyhound Express, just like Jack Kerouac would like it, baby) driving to nowhere, sit, drink from my canteen, and watch the endless miles of the road pass by me outside of the window.

I almost fell asleep while I tried to read to the end of this super-long sentence. And this is not even the longest sentence I’ve encountered.

3. She looked as if she was struck by lightning: her eyes going to fall out of orbits, her mouth wide open, as if she was trying to swallow a train, her skin deadly pale. To me, seeing her in such a condition was heartbreaking, like eggs being cracked upon a stone.

Metaphors and comparisons can be okay if you use them once every few pages. But back to back, they can be annoying—especially poorly-used metaphors.

4. Emotional detachment between us during manifested harmony in relationships was causing a cognitive dissonance within me; my mind was wandering in Kafkian labyrinths of doubt, guilt, and sorrow, while my mouth almost subconsciously produced sparkling words that people usually associate with love.

Don’t try to sound smart. It destroys the magic of your text. If your reader has no idea about Kafkian labyrinths or cognitive dissonance, your effort will be in vain.

5. Electric compulsion of misery flowed through the night megalopolis, filling the veins of pragmatic reality with juices. Magnetic Adam of the new epoch, the innocent function of digital satori, who were you in this entropy?

WHAT?! This is too avant-garde, and in this case, it’s not a compliment.

You seriously don’t want to stumble upon such authors. So, if you were planning on working with some writers, you better check their works beforehand. Consider checking out the best custom writing service reviews – maybe you can find true masters of the words there.

Top Writing Mistakes and How to Avoid Them: A Comprehensive Guide

The art of writing holds immense transformative power. But, as with any craft, it can also be filled with potential pitfalls. This article unveils some common writing mistakes and provides insightful strategies to improve your craft. Let’s dive in.

One common writing faux pas is ‘info-dumping’. Authors can fall into the trap of overloading the reader with a sudden onslaught of information to create context or background. Rather than risking the reader’s interest with a wall of text, try subtly sprinkling details throughout the story . As the old saying goes, a little can go a long way.

Next on our list is the pitfall of excessive descriptive language. While well-chosen adjectives can help transport readers to another world, their overuse can slow down the narrative and disengage readers. Remember, a well-crafted narrative strikes a balance between descriptive language and concise storytelling. To achieve this balance, consider using a free sentence rewriter to refine your prose and eliminate unnecessary verbosity.

Clichés are yet another common writing mistake. Overuse of these familiar phrases can make a story feel stale and predictable, suggesting a lack of original thought. Instead of resorting to clichés, try using fresh, original metaphors and descriptions to make your work truly stand out.

Our exploration into common writing errors would be incomplete without addressing ‘telling’ instead of ‘showing’. Instead of explicitly telling your readers that a character is scared, for example, show them descriptions of the character’s trembling hands, quickened breath, or the chill crawling up their spine. The art of storytelling lies in not just what information you convey, but how you convey it.

Another critical issue arises when dialogue feels unnatural or stilted. If characters speak like robots or philosophers in everyday conversation, it can create a disconnect for the reader. To prevent this, try incorporating authentic, real-world dialogue . Remember, your characters should feel like real people.

Lastly, we address the common writing mistake of overusing passive voice. Passive sentences tend to be wordy and less direct, which can make them feel awkward or weak. To enhance the energy of your writing, be bold, be direct, and let your active voice shine!

Let’s shift gears and explore some insights derived from personal experiences shared by writers.

Many writers initially struggle with ‘purple prose,’ a term for writing that’s overly ornate or flowery. Over time, they realize that simplicity often makes for more compelling reading. In the world of writing, less is indeed often more.

Overuse of adverbs is another pitfall writers often face in their early attempts at crafting a story. Learning to trust nouns and verbs to carry the scene can help writers overcome this habit and produce more impactful prose.

Creating two-dimensional characters is another common issue. Characters should feel like living, breathing beings with depth and motivation, rather than mere cardboard cutouts.

Inconsistent point-of-view is another challenge that writers often need to overcome. Maintaining a consistent narrative perspective can help to create a stronger narrative focus and engage readers more effectively.

Finally, writers new to poetry often struggle with forced rhymes and rhythms. With practice, they learn to let the words flow naturally, focusing on the message rather than the rhymes.

Exploring Examples of Bad Writing and How to Improve Them

Bad writing is something every writer wants to avoid. However, understanding what constitutes poor writing can be a useful tool in improving writing quality. To shed light on this, we’ll explore some examples of bad writing, commonly seen in popular books, both in literary fiction and commercial fiction.

Inappropriate Dialogue and Dialogue Tags

One common example of bad writing can be found in the execution of dialogue. Good writing involves creating conversations that sound natural and real. However, in some bestselling books, character conversations can feel forced or unnatural, leading to poor writing. For instance, using dialogue tags inappropriately can disrupt the flow of speaking parts. Tags like “he exclaimed” or “she bellowed” used excessively can distract the reader and detract from the narrative. Skilled writing involves using dialogue tags sparingly and effectively.

Another example of bad writing in dialogue is the use of unnatural language. Characters should speak like real people, their language reflecting their background, age, and personality. When character names start to spout jargon or use overly complex language without any contextual reasoning, it can feel jarring to the reader.

Ineffective Description

Description is a critical component of both literary novels and genre fiction. However, bad writing often includes detailed descriptions that don’t serve the story. For example, imagine a scene in a coffee shop where the author spends three paragraphs describing the intricate design of the espresso machine. Unless the coffeehouse or the machine plays a significant role in the narrative, such a vivid depiction is unnecessary and can slow down the pace of the story.

Good writing, on the other hand, incorporates descriptive writing that enhances the narrative and deepens the reader’s understanding of the characters or the setting. A quality description in a literary work or a popular novel should be concise, relevant, and evocative, creating a vivid picture in the reader’s mind without overburdening them with unnecessary details.

Confusing Point of View

A clear and consistent point of view is a hallmark of effective writing. However, in some highly read books, the author’s perspective or the narrative perspective can become muddled, leading to bad writing. For instance, if a story is told from a single character’s point of view, but suddenly includes information that this character couldn’t possibly know, it breaks the consistency of the storytelling angle and can confuse the reader.

The Power of Redrafting

Improving writing, particularly in commercial fiction and literary fiction, often involves significant rewriting, editing, or revising. Redrafting is a critical part of the writing process that allows authors to identify and correct instances of bad writing.

For instance, dialogue can be improved by removing unnecessary dialogue markers, making conversations more natural, and ensuring that character names and their speech reflect their personalities and backgrounds. Descriptions can be refined to ensure they serve the story and aren’t overly detailed. The point of view can be clarified and made consistent throughout the story.

Inconsistent Characterization

Characterization is a vital aspect of both literary works and mainstream novels. However, bad writing often manifests as inconsistent characterization, where the traits, actions, or reactions of the protagonist or other characters don’t align with what has been established earlier in the story. For instance, a character portrayed as shy and introverted suddenly becoming outgoing and gregarious without any plausible explanation or character development can confuse readers and weaken the narrative.

In good writing, characters evolve over time, but such changes are gradual and justified by the plot or their experiences. The names of the characters and their actions should align with their personalities, backgrounds, and the story’s overall context.

Misuse of Common Settings

Another area where bad writing can be evident is in the depiction of common settings, such as a coffee shop or a café. For example, if every significant conversation or revelation in the story occurs in an espresso bar without any compelling reason, it can strain the story’s credibility and become repetitive. Effective writing employs a variety of settings and ensures that the location matches the scene’s tone and significance.

Ineffective Use of Language

Poor writing often includes redundant phrases, incorrect word usage, and convoluted sentence structures, which can distract the reader and interrupt the narrative flow. An essential part of improving writing is honing language skills, choosing the right words for clarity and impact, and maintaining grammatical accuracy.

Overcoming Bad Writing through Redrafting

One of the most reliable ways to address bad writing is through redrafting, rewriting, or revising the text. This process involves examining every aspect of the story, from dialogue and description to character consistency and point of view, and making necessary changes to enhance the writing quality.

Redrafting can also involve replacing overused words with synonyms, improving sentence structure, and eliminating unnecessary details or repetitions. For instance, a dialogue tag like “he said” can often be removed entirely if it’s clear who’s speaking, leading to cleaner, more effective writing.

The Transformational Journey from Draft to Masterpiece

Few writers strike gold with their first drafts; the true magic happens during the revision phase. Revision, or redrafting, is a powerful tool that can elevate a good piece to greatness. It’s the process where we refine our thoughts, improve our arguments, and perfect our language to better connect with readers. An essential aspect of writing, revision can transform a raw manuscript into a polished masterpiece.

A Step-by-Step Guide to Organizing Effective Redrafting:

• Embrace the Pause: Once you’ve completed your initial draft, give yourself permission to take a break. This intentional distancing allows your mind to reset, and when you return, you’ll be equipped with fresh eyes, ready to identify any gaps in information, inconsistencies in the plot or argument, or any parts that may be unclear to your reader.
• Read Aloud:: When you read your work aloud, you engage another sense that helps you perceive your writing from a different perspective. You become the audience, able to pick up on awkward phrasing, clunky sentences, or tonal inconsistencies that might be overlooked when reading silently.
• Involve Others: Enlist the help of a trusted friend, mentor, or editor to review your work. They bring an outsider’s perspective, essential for pinpointing areas that might be confusing or lacking in explanation. This feedback provides a road map for your revisions.
• Revise in Stages: : Attempting to revise everything simultaneously can be daunting. Therefore, break your revision down into manageable stages. Start with the macro level by focusing on the overall content and structure. Once you’re satisfied, dive into the micro level, examining sentence structure, language use, and word choice. Lastly, focus on fine-tuning the grammar and punctuation.
• Sacrifice for the Greater Good: Writers often coin the term “kill your darlings” when talking about beloved but unnecessary portions of their work. It’s vital to stay objective and be willing to cut your favourite sentence or paragraph if it doesn’t contribute to the overall piece.
• Final Sweep – Proofreading: After all the conceptual and structural changes, meticulously scour your work for any overlooked typos, grammatical errors, or punctuation mishaps. These seemingly small mistakes can greatly affect the credibility and impact of your work.
• Iterate and Refine: Remember, good writing is the result of continuous refining. Don’t hesitate to undergo multiple rounds of revisions. With each round, your writing will become more refined, clear, and powerful. This process doesn’t necessarily get easier, but the rewards of a well-crafted piece are worth every revision.

The path to becoming a skilled writer is paved with lessons. Embrace the process of continual learning and improvement. Every story you write is a part of your unique narrative as a writer.

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Sat / act prep online guides and tips, bad college essays: 10 mistakes you must avoid.

College Essays

Just as there are noteworthy examples of excellent college essays that admissions offices like to publish, so are there cringe-worthy examples of terrible college essays that end up being described by anonymous admissions officers on Reddit discussion boards.

While I won't guarantee that your essay will end up in the first category, I will say that you follow my advice in this article, your essay most assuredly won't end up in the second. How do you avoid writing a bad admissions essay? Read on to find out what makes an essay bad and to learn which college essay topics to avoid. I'll also explain how to recognize bad college essays—and what to do to if you end up creating one by accident.

What Makes Bad College Essays Bad

What exactly happens to turn a college essay terrible? Just as great personal statements combine an unexpected topic with superb execution, flawed personal statements compound problematic subject matter with poor execution.

Problems With the Topic

The primary way to screw up a college essay is to flub what the essay is about or how you've decided to discuss a particular experience. Badly chosen essay content can easily create an essay that is off-putting in one of a number of ways I'll discuss in the next section.

The essay is the place to let the admissions office of your target college get to know your personality, character, and the talents and skills that aren't on your transcript. So if you start with a terrible topic, not only will you end up with a bad essay, but you risk ruining the good impression that the rest of your application makes.

Some bad topics show admissions officers that you don't have a good sense of judgment or maturity , which is a problem since they are building a class of college students who have to be able to handle independent life on campus.

Other bad topics suggest that you are a boring person , or someone who doesn't process your experience in a colorful or lively way, which is a problem since colleges want to create a dynamic and engaged cohort of students.

Still other bad topics indicate that you're unaware of or disconnected from the outside world and focused only on yourself , which is a problem since part of the point of college is to engage with new people and new ideas, and admissions officers are looking for people who can do that.

Problems With the Execution

Sometimes, even if the experiences you discuss could be the foundation of a great personal statement, the way you've structured and put together your essay sends up warning flags. This is because the admissions essay is also a place to show the admissions team the maturity and clarity of your writing style.

One way to get this part wrong is to exhibit very faulty writing mechanics , like unclear syntax or incorrectly used punctuation. This is a problem since college-ready writing is one of the things that's expected from a high school graduate.

Another way to mess this up is to ignore prompt instructions either for creative or careless reasons. This can show admissions officers that you're either someone who simply blows off directions and instructions or someone who can't understand how to follow them . Neither is a good thing, since they are looking for people who are open to receiving new information from professors and not just deciding they know everything already.

College Essay Topics To Avoid

Want to know why you're often advised to write about something mundane and everyday for your college essay? That's because the more out-there your topic, the more likely it is to stumble into one of these trouble categories.

Too Personal

The problem with the overly personal essay topic is that revealing something very private can show that you don't really understand boundaries . And knowing where appropriate boundaries are will be key for living on your own with a bunch of people not related to you.

Unfortunately, stumbling into the TMI zone of essay topics is more common than you think. One quick test for checking your privacy-breaking level: if it's not something you'd tell a friendly stranger sitting next to you on the plane, maybe don't tell it to the admissions office.

• Describing losing your virginity, or anything about your sex life really. This doesn't mean you can't write about your sexual orientation—just leave out the actual physical act.
• Writing in too much detail about your illness, disability, any other bodily functions. Detailed meaningful discussion of what this physical condition has meant to you and your life is a great thing to write about. But stay away from body horror and graphic descriptions that are simply there for gratuitous shock value.
• Waxing poetic about your love for your significant other. Your relationship is adorable to the people currently involved in it, but those who don't know you aren't invested in this aspect of your life.
• Confessing to odd and unusual desires of the sexual or illegal variety. Your obsession with cultivating cacti is wonderful topic, while your obsession with researching explosives is a terrible one.

Too Revealing of Bad Judgment

Generally speaking, leave past illegal or immoral actions out of your essay . It's simply a bad idea to give admissions officers ammunition to dislike you.

Some exceptions might be if you did something in a very, very different mindset from the one you're in now (in the midst of escaping from danger, under severe coercion, or when you were very young, for example). Or if your essay is about explaining how you've turned over a new leaf and you have the transcript to back you up.

• Writing about committing crime as something fun or exciting. Unless it's on your permanent record, and you'd like a chance to explain how you've learned your lesson and changed, don't put this in your essay.
• Describing drug use or the experience of being drunk or high. Even if you're in a state where some recreational drugs are legal, you're a high school student. Your only exposure to mind-altering substances should be caffeine.
• Making up fictional stories about yourself as though they are true. You're unlikely to be a good enough fantasist to pull this off, and there's no reason to roll the dice on being discovered to be a liar.
• Detailing your personality flaws. Unless you have a great story of coping with one of these, leave deal-breakers like pathological narcissism out of your personal statement.

Too Overconfident

While it's great to have faith in your abilities, no one likes a relentless show-off. No matter how magnificent your accomplishments, if you decide to focus your essay on them, it's better to describe a setback or a moment of doubt rather that simply praising yourself to the skies.

• Bragging and making yourself the flawless hero of your essay. This goes double if you're writing about not particularly exciting achievements like scoring the winning goal or getting the lead in the play.
• Having no awareness of the actual scope of your accomplishments. It's lovely that you take time to help others, but volunteer-tutoring a couple of hours a week doesn't make you a saintly figure.

Too Clichéd or Boring

Remember your reader. In this case, you're trying to make yourself memorable to an admissions officer who has been reading thousands of other essays . If your essay makes the mistake of being boring or trite, it just won't register in that person's mind as anything worth paying attention to.

• Transcribing your resume into sentence form or writing about the main activity on your transcript. The application already includes your resume, or a detailed list of your various activities. Unless the prompt specifically asks you to write about your main activity, the essay needs to be about a facet of your interests and personality that doesn't come through the other parts of the application.
• Writing about sports. Every athlete tries to write this essay. Unless you have a completely off-the-wall story or unusual achievement, leave this overdone topic be.
• Being moved by your community service trip to a third-world country. Were you were impressed at how happy the people seemed despite being poor? Did you learn a valuable lesson about how privileged you are? Unfortunately, so has every other teenager who traveled on one of these trips. Writing about this tends to simultaneously make you sound unempathetic, clueless about the world, way over-privileged, and condescending. Unless you have a highly specific, totally unusual story to tell, don't do it.
• Reacting with sadness to a sad, but very common experience. Unfortunately, many of the hard, formative events in your life are fairly universal. So, if you're going to write about death or divorce, make sure to focus on how you dealt with this event, so the essay is something only you could possibly have written. Only detailed, idiosyncratic description can save this topic.
• Going meta. Don't write about the fact that you're writing the essay as we speak, and now the reader is reading it, and look, the essay is right here in the reader's hand. It's a technique that seems clever, but has already been done many times in many different ways.
• Offering your ideas on how to fix the world. This is especially true if your solution is an easy fix, if only everyone would just listen to you. Trust me, there's just no way you are being realistically appreciative of the level of complexity inherent in the problem you're describing.
• Starting with a famous quotation. There usually is no need to shore up your own words by bringing in someone else's. Of course, if you are writing about a particular phrase that you've adopted as a life motto, feel free to include it. But even then, having it be the first line in your essay feels like you're handing the keys over to that author and asking them to drive.
• Using an everyday object as a metaphor for your life/personality. "Shoes. They are like this, and like that, and people love them for all of these reasons. And guess what? They are just like me."

Too Off-Topic

Unlike the essays you've been writing in school where the idea is to analyze something outside of yourself, the main subject of your college essay should be you, your background, your makeup, and your future . Writing about someone or something else might well make a great essay, but not for this context.

• Paying tribute to someone very important to you. Everyone would love to meet your grandma, but this isn't the time to focus on her amazing coming of age story. If you do want to talk about a person who is important to your life, dwell on the ways you've been impacted by them, and how you will incorporate this impact into your future.
• Documenting how well other people do things, say things, are active, while you remain passive and inactive in the essay. Being in the orbit of someone else's important lab work, or complex stage production, or meaningful political activism is a fantastic learning moment. But if you decide to write about, your essay should be about your learning and how you've been influenced, not about the other person's achievements.
• Concentrating on a work of art that deeply moved you. Watch out for the pitfall of writing an analytical essay about that work, and not at all about your reaction to it or how you've been affected since. Check out our explanation of how to answer Topic D of the ApplyTexas application to get some advice on writing about someone else's work while making sure your essay still points back at you.

(Image: Pieter Christoffel Wonder [Public domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Too Offensive

With this potential mistake, you run the risk of showing a lack of self-awareness or the ability to be open to new ideas . Remember, no reader wants to be lectured at. If that's what your essay does, you are demonstrating an inability to communicate successfully with others.

Also, remember that no college is eager to admit someone who is too close-minded to benefit from being taught by others. A long, one-sided essay about a hot-button issue will suggest that you are exactly that.

• Ranting at length about political, religious, or other contentious topics. You simply don't know where the admissions officer who reads your essay stands on any of these issues. It's better to avoid upsetting or angering that person.
• Writing a one-sided diatribe about guns, abortion, the death penalty, immigration, or anything else in the news. Even if you can marshal facts in your argument, this essay is simply the wrong place to take a narrow, unempathetic side in an ongoing debate.
• Mentioning anything negative about the school you're applying to. Again, your reader is someone who works there and presumably is proud of the place. This is not the time to question the admissions officer's opinions or life choices.

College Essay Execution Problems To Avoid

Bad college essays aren't only caused by bad topics. Sometimes, even if you're writing about an interesting, relevant topic, you can still seem immature or unready for college life because of the way you present that topic—the way you actually write your personal statement. Check to make sure you haven't made any of the common mistakes on this list.

Tone-Deafness

Admissions officers are looking for resourcefulness, the ability to be resilient, and an active and optimistic approach to life —these are all qualities that create a thriving college student. Essays that don't show these qualities are usually suffering from tone-deafness.

• Being whiny or complaining about problems in your life. Is the essay about everyone doing things to/against you? About things happening to you, rather than you doing anything about them? That perspective is a definite turn-off.
• Trying and failing to use humor. You may be very funny in real life, but it's hard to be successfully funny in this context, especially when writing for a reader who doesn't know you. If you do want to use humor, I'd recommend the simplest and most straightforward version: being self-deprecating and low-key.
• Talking down to the reader, or alternately being self-aggrandizing. No one enjoys being condescended to. In this case, much of the function of your essay is to charm and make yourself likable, which is unlikely to happen if you adopt this tone.
• Being pessimistic, cynical, and generally depressive. You are applying to college because you are looking forward to a future of learning, achievement, and self-actualization. This is not the time to bust out your existential ennui and your jaded, been-there-done-that attitude toward life.

(Image: Eduard Munch [Public Domain] , via Wikimedia Commons)

Lack of Personality

One good question to ask yourself is: could anyone else have written this essay ? If the answer is yes, then you aren't doing a good job of representing your unique perspective on the world. It's very important to demonstrate your ability to be a detailed observer of the world, since that will be one of your main jobs as a college student.

• Avoiding any emotions, and appearing robot-like and cold in the essay. Unlike essays that you've been writing for class, this essay is meant to be a showcase of your authorial voice and personality. It may seem strange to shift gears after learning how to take yourself out of your writing, but this is the place where you have to put as much as yourself in as possible.
• Skipping over description and specific details in favor of writing only in vague generalities. Does your narrative feel like a newspaper horoscope, which could apply to every other person who was there that day? Then you're doing it wrong and need to refocus on your reaction, feelings, understanding, and transformation.

Off-Kilter Style

There's some room for creativity here, yes, but a college essay isn't a free-for-all postmodern art class . True, there are prompts that specifically call for your most out-of-left-field submission, or allow you to submit a portfolio or some other work sample instead of a traditional essay. But on a standard application, it's better to stick to traditional prose, split into paragraphs, further split into sentences.

• Submitting anything other than just the materials asked for on your application. Don't send food to the admissions office, don't write your essay on clothing or shoes, don't create a YouTube channel about your undying commitment to the school. I know there are a lot of urban legends about "that one time this crazy thing worked," but they are either not true or about something that will not work a second time.
• Writing your essay in verse, in the form of a play, in bullet points, as an acrostic, or any other non-prose form. Unless you really have a way with poetry or playwriting, and you are very confident that you can meet the demands of the prompt and explain yourself well in this form, don't discard prose simply for the sake of being different.
• Using as many "fancy" words as possible and getting very far away from sounding like yourself. Admissions officers are unanimous in wanting to hear your not fully formed teenage voice in your essay. This means that you should write at the top of your vocabulary range and syntax complexity, but don't trade every word up for a thesaurus synonym. Your essay will suffer for it.

Failure to Proofread

Most people have a hard time checking over their own work. This is why you have to make sure that someone else proofreads your writing . This is the one place where you can, should—and really must—get someone who knows all about grammar, punctuation and has a good eye for detail to take a red pencil to your final draft.

Otherwise, you look like you either don't know the basic rules or writing (in which case, are you really ready for college work?) or don't care enough to present yourself well (in which case, why would the admissions people care about admitting you?).

• Typos, grammatical mistakes, punctuation flubs, weird font/paragraph spacing issues. It's true that these are often unintentional mistakes. But caring about getting it right is a way to demonstrate your work ethic and dedication to the task at hand.
• Going over the word limit. Part of showing your brilliance is being able to work within arbitrary rules and limitations. Going over the word count points to a lack of self-control, which is not a very attractive feature in a college applicant.
• Repeating the same word(s) or sentence structure over and over again. This makes your prose monotonous and hard to read.

Bad College Essay Examples—And How to Fix Them

The beauty of writing is that you get to rewrite. So if you think of your essay as a draft waiting to be revised into a better version rather than as a precious jewel that can't bear being touched, you'll be in far better shape to correct the issues that always crop up!

Now let's take a look at some actual college essay drafts to see where the writer is going wrong and how the issue could be fixed.

Essay #1: The "I Am Writing This Essay as We Speak" Meta-Narrative

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine. I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

In my junior year, I always had in mind an image of myself finishing the college essay months before the deadline. But as the weeks dragged on and the deadline drew near, it soon became clear that at the rate things are going I would probably have to make new plans for my October, November and December.

Falling into my personal wormhole, I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!" I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

I fell into a state of panic. My college essay. My image of myself in senior year. Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there. My heart lifted, I took his advice and listed three of my greatest achievements - mastering my backgammon strategy, being a part of TREE in my sophomore year, and performing "I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from The Pirates of Penzance in public. And sure enough, I felt inspiration hit me and began to type away furiously into the keyboard about my experience in TREE, or Trees Require Engaged Environmentalists. I reflected on the current state of deforestation, and described the dichotomy of it being both understandable why farmers cut down forests for farmland, and how dangerous this is to our planet. Finally, I added my personal epiphany to the end of my college essay as the cherry on the vanilla sundae, as the overused saying goes.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal. Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In the middle of a hike through Philadelphia's Fairmount Park, I realized that the college essay was nothing more than an embodiment of my character. The two essays I have written were not right because they have failed to become more than just words on recycled paper. The subject failed to come alive. Certainly my keen interest in Star Trek and my enthusiasm for TREE are a great part of who I am, but there were other qualities essential in my character that did not come across in the essays.

With this realization, I turned around as quickly as I could without crashing into a tree.

What Essay #1 Does Well

Here are all things that are working on all cylinders for this personal statement as is.

Killer First Sentence

Was your childhood home destroyed by a landspout tornado? Yeah, neither was mine.

• A strange fact. There are different kinds of tornadoes? What is a "landspout tornado" anyway?
• A late-night-deep-thoughts hypothetical. What would it be like to be a kid whose house was destroyed in this unusual way?
• Direct engagement with the reader. Instead of asking "what would it be like to have a tornado destroy a house" it asks "was your house ever destroyed."

Gentle, Self-Deprecating Humor That Lands Well

I played with the thought in my mind, tapping my imaginary communicator pin and whispering "Computer. Tea. Earl Grey. Hot. And then an Essay." Nothing happened. Instead, I sat quietly in my room wrote the old-fashioned way. Days later I emerged from my room disheveled, but to my dismay, this college essay made me sound like just a guy who can't get over the fact that he'll never take the Starfleet Academy entrance exam. So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

The author has his cake and eats it too here: both making fun of himself for being super into the Star Trek mythos, but also showing himself being committed enough to try whispering a command to the Enterprise computer alone in his room. You know, just in case.

A Solid Point That Is Made Paragraph by Paragraph

The meat of the essay is that the two versions of himself that the author thought about portraying each fails in some way to describe the real him. Neither an essay focusing on his off-beat interests, nor an essay devoted to his serious activism could capture everything about a well-rounded person in 600 words.

(Image: fir0002 via Wikimedia Commons .)

Where Essay #1 Needs Revision

Rewriting these flawed parts will make the essay shine.

Spending Way Too Long on the Metanarrative

I know that intro might have given the impression that this college essay will be about withstanding disasters, but the truth is that it isn't about that at all.

After 3 weeks of figuring myself out, I have converted myself into a piece of writing. As far as achievements go, this was definitely an amazing one. The ability to transform a human being into 603 words surely deserves a gold medal.

Look at how long and draggy these paragraphs are, especially after that zippy opening. Is it at all interesting to read about how someone else found the process of writing hard? Not really, because this is a very common experience.

In the rewrite, I'd advise condensing all of this to maybe a sentence to get to the meat of the actual essay .

Letting Other People Do All the Doing

I sat down with my mom to talk about colleges. "Maybe you should write about Star Trek ," she suggested, "you know how you've always been obsessed with Captain Picard, calling him your dream mentor. Unique hobbies make good topics, right? You'll sound creative!"

Almost out of nowhere, Robert Jameson Smith offered his words of advice. Perfect! He suggested students begin their college essay by listing their achievements and letting their essay materialize from there.

Twice in the essay, the author lets someone else tell him what to do. Not only that, but it sounds like both of the "incomplete" essays were dictated by the thoughts of other people and had little to do with his own ideas, experiences, or initiative.

In the rewrite, it would be better to recast both the Star Trek and the TREE versions of the essay as the author's own thoughts rather than someone else's suggestions . This way, the point of the essay—taking apart the idea that a college essay could summarize life experience—is earned by the author's two failed attempts to write that other kind of essay.

Leaving the Insight and Meaning Out of His Experiences

Both the Star Trek fandom and the TREE activism were obviously important life experiences for this author—important enough to be potential college essay topic candidates. But there is no description of what the author did with either one, nor any explanation of why these were so meaningful to his life.

It's fine to say that none of your achievements individually define you, but in order for that to work, you have to really sell the achievements themselves.

In the rewrite, it would be good to explore what he learned about himself and the world by pursuing these interests . How did they change him or seen him into the person he is today?

Not Adding New Shades and Facets of Himself Into the Mix

So, I tossed my essay away without even getting to disintegrate it with a phaser set on stun.

Yet in this essay, I was still being nagged by a voice that couldn't be ignored. Eventually, I submitted to that yelling inner voice and decided that this was not the right essay either.

In both of these passages, there is the perfect opportunity to point out what exactly these failed versions of the essay didn't capture about the author . In the next essay draft, I would suggest subtly making a point about his other qualities.

For example, after the Star Trek paragraph, he could talk about other culture he likes to consume, especially if he can discuss art forms he is interested in that would not be expected from someone who loves Star Trek .

Or, after the TREE paragraph, the author could explain why this second essay was no better at capturing him than the first. What was missing? Why is the self in the essay shouting—is it because this version paints him as an overly aggressive activist?

Essay #2: The "I Once Saw Poor People" Service Trip Essay

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive. My whole outlook on life changed after I realized that my life was just being handed to me on a silver spoon, and yet there were those in the world who didn't have enough food to eat or place to live. I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness. But my most vivid memory was the moment I first got to the farming town. The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water? As these questions rolled around my already dazed mind, I heard a soft voice asking me in Spanish, "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?" I looked down to see a small boy, around nine years of age, who looked starved, and cold, wearing tattered clothing, comforting me. These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate ahead of themselves. It was at that moment that I saw how selfish I had been. How many people suffered like this in the world, while I went about life concerned about nothing at all?

Thinking back on the trip, maybe I made a difference, maybe not. But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

What Essay #2 Does Well

Let's first point out what this draft has going for it.

Clear Chronology

This is an essay that tries to explain a shift in perspective. There are different ways to structure this overarching idea, but a chronological approach that starts with an earlier opinion, describes a mind changing event, and ends with the transformed point of view is an easy and clear way to lay this potentially complex subject out.

(Image: User:Lite via Wikimedia Commons)

Where Essay #2 Needs Revision

Now let's see what needs to be changed in order for this essay to pass muster.

Condescending, Obnoxious Tone

Unlike other teenagers, I'm not concerned about money, or partying, or what others think of me. Unlike other eighteen year-olds, I think about my future, and haven't become totally materialistic and acquisitive.

This is a very broad generalization, which doesn't tend to be the best way to formulate an argument—or to start an essay. It just makes this author sound dismissive of a huge swath of the population.

In the rewrite, this author would be way better off just concentrate on what she want to say about herself, not pass judgment on "other teenagers," most of whom she doesn't know and will never meet.

I realized that the one thing that this world needed more than anything was compassion; compassion for those less fortunate than us.

Coming from someone who hasn't earned her place in the world through anything but the luck of being born, the word "compassion" sounds really condescending. Calling others "less fortunate" when you're a senior in high school has a dehumanizing quality to it.

These people who have so little were able to forget their own needs, and put those much more fortunate in front of themselves.

Again, this comes across as very patronizing. Not only that, but to this little boy the author was clearly not looking all that "fortunate"—instead, she looked pathetic enough to need comforting.

In the next draft, a better hook could be making the essay about the many different kinds of shifting perspectives the author encountered on that trip . A more meaningful essay would compare and contrast the points of view of the TV commercials, to what the group leader said, to the author's own expectations, and finally to this child's point of view.

Vague, Unobservant Description

During the summer of 2006, I went on a community service trip to rural Peru to help build an elementary school for kids there. I expected harsh conditions, but what I encountered was far worse. It was one thing to watch commercials asking for donations to help the unfortunate people in less developed countries, yet it was a whole different story to actually live it. Even after all this time, I can still hear babies crying from hunger; I can still see the filthy rags that they wore; I can still smell the stench of misery and hopelessness.

Phrases like "cries of the small children from not having enough to eat" and "dirt stained rags" seem like descriptions, but they're really closer to incurious and completely hackneyed generalizations. Why were the kids were crying? How many kids? All the kids? One specific really loud kid?

The same goes for "filthy rags," which is both an incredibly insensitive way to talk about the clothing of these villagers, and again shows a total lack of interest in their life. Why were their clothes dirty? Were they workers or farmers so their clothes showing marks of labor? Did they have Sunday clothes? Traditional clothes they would put on for special occasions? Did they make their own clothes? That would be a good reason to keep wearing clothing even if it had "stains" on it.

The rewrite should either make this section more specific and less reliant on cliches, or should discard it altogether .

The conditions of it hit me by surprise; it looked much worse in real life than compared to the what our group leader had told us. Poverty to me and everyone else I knew was a foreign concept that people hear about on the news or see in documentaries. But this abject poverty was their life, their reality.

If this is the "most vivid memory," then I would expect to read all the details that have been seared into the author's brain. What did their leader tell them? What was different in real life? What was the light like? What did the houses/roads/grass/fields/trees/animals/cars look like? What time of day was it? Did they get there by bus, train, or plane? Was there an airport/train station/bus terminal? A city center? Shops? A marketplace?

There are any number of details to include here when doing another drafting pass.

Lack of Insight or Maturity

But this abject poverty was their life, their reality. And for the brief ten days I was there, it would be mine too. As all of this realization came at once, I felt overwhelmed by the weight of what was to come. Would I be able to live in the same conditions as these people? Would I catch a disease that no longer existed in the first world, or maybe die from drinking contaminated water?

Without a framing device explaining that this initial panic was an overreaction, this section just makes the author sound whiny, entitled, melodramatic, and immature . After all, this isn't a a solo wilderness trek—the author is there with a paid guided program. Just how much mortality is typically associated with these very standard college-application-boosting service trips?

In a rewrite, I would suggest including more perspective on the author's outsized and overprivileged response here. This would fit well with a new focus on the different points of view on this village the author encountered.

Unearned, Clichéd "Deep Thoughts"

But I gained something much more important. I gained the desire to make the world a better place for others. It was in a small, poverty-stricken village in Peru that I finally realized that there was more to life than just being alive.

Is it really believable that this is what the author learned? There is maybe some evidence to suggest that the author was shaken somewhat out of a comfortable, materialistic existence. But what does "there is more to life than just being alive" even really mean? This conclusion is rather vague, and seems mostly a non sequitur.

In a rewrite, the essay should be completely reoriented to discuss how differently others see us than we see ourselves, pivoting on the experience of being pitied by someone who you thought was pitiable. Then, the new version can end by on a note of being better able to understand different points of view and other people's perspectives .

The Bottom Line

• Bad college essays have problems either with their topics or their execution.
• The essay is how admissions officers learn about your personality, point of view, and maturity level, so getting the topic right is a key factor in letting them see you as an aware, self-directed, open-minded applicant who is going to thrive in an environment of independence.
• The essay is also how admissions officers learn that you are writing at a ready-for-college level, so screwing up the execution shows that you either don't know how to write, or don't care enough to do it well.
• The main ways college essay topics go wrong is bad taste, bad judgment, and lack of self-awareness.
• The main ways college essays fail in their execution have to do with ignoring format, syntax, and genre expectations.

What's Next?

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Anna scored in the 99th percentile on her SATs in high school, and went on to major in English at Princeton and to get her doctorate in English Literature at Columbia. She is passionate about improving student access to higher education.

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Top 20 Errors in Undergraduate Writing

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The Top Twenty: A Quick Guide to Troubleshooting Your Writing

Readers judge your writing by your control of certain conventions, which may change depending on your audience, purpose, and writing situation.  For example, your instructor may or may not mark errors in your paper if he’s more concerned with its argument or structure than he is with sentence-level correctness; he could also decide an error is not serious.  Some instructors may even see the errors listed below as stylistic options. However, a large-scale study by Andrea Lunsford and Karen Lunsford (2008) found that these errors are the most likely to attract readers’ negative attention.  Before handing in your papers, proofread them carefully for these errors, which are illustrated below in the sentences in italics.  

THE TOP TWENTY

1. wrong word.

Wrong word errors take a number of forms. They may convey a slightly different meaning than you intend ( compose instead of comprise ) or a completely wrong meaning ( prevaricate  instead of procrastinate ). They may also be as simple as a wrong preposition or other type of wrong word in an idiom.

Use your thesaurus and spell checker with care. If you select a word from a thesaurus without knowing its precise meaning or allow a spell checker to correct spelling automatically, you may make wrong-word errors. If prepositions and idioms are tricky for you, look up the standard usage.

Here are a couple of wrong word examples:

Did you catch my illusion to the Bible?

Illusion means “an erroneous perception of reality.” In the context of this sentence,  allusion was needed because it means "reference.”

Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene is a magnificent sixteenth-century allergy.

A spell checker replaced allegory with allergy.

2. Missing Comma after an Introductory Element

Use a comma after every introductory element—whether word, phrase or clause—to clarify where it ends and the rest of the sentence begins. When the introductory element is very short, you can skip the comma, but including it is never wrong.

Without a comma after the introductory element, it’s hard to see the location of the subject (“they”) in this sentence:

Determined to make their flight on time they rose at dawn.

3. Incomplete or Missing Documentation

Documentation practices vary from discipline to discipline.  But in academic and research writing, it’s a good idea to always cite your sources: omitting documentation can result in charges of plagiarism.

The examples below follow MLA style.  In this example, the page number of the print source for this quotation must be included.

The Social Media Bible defines social media as the “activities, practices, and behaviors among communities of people who gather online to share information, knowledge, and opinions using conversational media.”

And here, the source mentioned should be identified because it makes a specific, arguable claim:

According to one source, it costs almost twice an employee’s salary to recruit and train a replacement. 

Cite each source you refer to in the text, following the guidelines of the documentation style you are using. 

4. Vague Pronoun Reference

A pronoun (e.g., he, this, it) should refer clearly to the noun it replaces (called the antecedent).  If more than one word could be the antecedent, or if no specific antecedent is present, edit to make the meaning clear.

In this sentence, it possibly refers to more than one word:

If you put this handout in your binder, it may remind you of important tutoring strategies .

In some pronoun usage, the reference is implied but not stated.  Here, for example, you might wonder what which refers to:

The authoritarian school changed its cell phone policy, which many students resisted.

To improve this sentence, the writer needs to make explicit what students resisted.

5. Spelling

Even though technology now reviews much of our spelling for us, one of the top 20 most common errors is a spelling error.  That’s because spell checkers cannot identify many misspellings, and are most likely to miss homonyms (e.g., presence/presents), compound words incorrectly spelled as separate words, and proper nouns, particularly names. After you run the spell checker, proofread carefully for errors such as these:

Vladmir Putin is the controversial leader of Russia.

Every where she walked, she was reminded of him.

6. Mechanical Error with a Quotation

When we quote other writers, we bring their voices into our arguments.  Quotation marks crucially show where their words end and our own begin. 

Quotation marks come in pairs; don’t forget to open and close your quotations.  In most documentation styles (e.g., MLA Style), block quotations do not need quotations marks.  Consult your professor’s preferred style manual to learn how to present block quotations. 

Follow conventions when using quotation marks with other punctuation. Here, the comma should be placed inside the quotation marks:

"A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction", Virginia Woolf argues.

7. Unnecessary Comma

We often have a choice about whether or not to use a comma.  But if we add them to our sentences when and where they are not needed, then we may obscure rather than clarify our meaning.

Do not use commas to set off restrictive elements that are necessary to the meaning of the words they modify.  Here, for example, no comma is needed to set off the restrictive phrase  of working parents , which is necessary to indicate which parents the sentence is talking about.

Many children, of working parents, walk home from school by themselves.

Do not use a comma before a coordinating conjunction (and, but, for, nor, or, so, yet) when the conjunction does not join parts of a compound sentence.  In this example, no comma is needed before the word  and  because it joins two phrases that modify the same verb, applies.

  This social scourge can be seen in urban centers, and in rural outposts.

Do not use a comma before the first or after the last item in a series.

The students asked their TAs to review, the assignment rubric, a sample paper and their comments, before the end of the quarter.

Do not use a comma between a subject and verb.

Happily, the waiters, sat down during a break.

Do not use a comma between a verb and its object or complement.

On her way home from work, she bought, a book at the bookstore.

Do not use a comma between a preposition and its object.

On her way home from work, she bought a book at, the bookstore.

8. Unnecessary or Missing Capitalization

Capitalize proper nouns and proper adjectives, the first words of sentences, and important words in titles, along with certain words indicating directions and family relationships. Do not capitalize most other words. When in doubt, check a dictionary.

Financial Aid is a pressing concern for many University Students.

9. Missing Word

If you read your work outloud before submittingit, you are more likely to notice omitted words.  Be particularly careful not to omit words from quotations.

Soccer fans the globe rejoiced when the striker scored the second goal.

10. Faulty Sentence Structure

If a sentence starts out with one kind of structure and then changes to another kind, it will confuse readers.

The information that families have access to is what financial aid is available and thinking about the classes available, and how to register.

Maintain the grammatical pattern within a sentence.  Each sentence must have a subject and a verb, and the subjects and predicates must make sense together.  In the example above, thinking about the classes available does not help the reader understand the information families have access to.  Parallel structures can help your reader see the relationships among your ideas.  Here’s the sentence revised:

Families have access to information about financial aid, class availability, and registration.

11. Missing Comma with a Nonrestrictive Element

A nonrestrictive phrase or clause provides additional information that is not essential to the basic meaning of the sentence.  Use commas to set off a nonrestrictive element.

David who loved to read history was the first to head to the British Library.

The clause  who loved to read history does not affect the basic meaning of the sentence.  The clause could be taken out and the reader would still understand that David was the first to head to the British Library.  

12. Unnecessary Shift in Verb Tense

Verbs that shift from one tense to another with no clear reason can confuse readers.

Martin searched for a great horned owl.  He takes photographs of all the birds he sights.

13. Missing Comma in a Compound Sentence

A compound sentence consists of two or more independent clauses.  When the clauses are joined by a coordinating conjunction (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so), use a comma before the conjunction to indicate a pause between the two thoughts.

Miranda drove her brother and her mother waited at home.

Without the comma, a reader may think at first that Miranda drove both her brother and her mother.

14. Unnecessary or Missing Apostrophe (including its/it's)

To make a noun possessive, add either an apostrophe and an s (Ed's phone) or an apostrophe alone (the girls’ bathroom). Do not use an apostrophe in the possessive pronouns ours, yours, and hers. Use its to mean belong to it; use it's only when you mean it is or it has.

Repeated viral infections compromise doctors immune systems.

The chef lifted the skillet off it’s hook.  Its a fourteen-inch, copper skillet.

15. Fused (run-on) Sentence

A fused sentence (also called a run-on) joins clauses that could each stand alone as a sentence with no punctuation or words to link them. Fused sentences must be either divided into separate sentences or joined by adding words or punctuation.

The house was flooded with light, the moon rose above the horizon.

He wondered what the decision meant he thought about it all night.

16. Comma Splice

A comma splice occurs when only a comma separates clauses that could each stand alone as a sentence. To correct a comma splice, you can insert a semicolon or period, connect the clauses with a word such as and/or/because, or restructure the sentence.

The students rushed the field, they tore down the goalposts. 

17. Lack of pronoun/antecedent agreement

Pronouns typically must agree with their antecedents in gender (male or female, if appropriate) and in number (singular or plural). Many indefinite pronouns, such as everyone and each, are always singular.  However,  they can be used to agree with a singular antecedent in order to use inclusive or gender-neutral language.  When antecedents are joined by or or nor, the pronoun must agree with the closer antecedent. A collection noun such as team can be either singular or plural, depending on whether the members are seen as a group or individuals.

Every guest left their shoes at the door.

18. Poorly Integrated Quotation

Quotations should be logically and smoothly integrated with the writing around them, the grammar of the quotation complementing the grammar of the neighboring prose.  They usually need to be introduced (with a signal phrase) rather than dropped abruptly into the writing.

An award-winning 2009 study of friendship "understanding social networks allows us to understand how indeed, in the case of humans, the whole comes to be greater than the sum of its parts" (Christakis and Fowler 26).

"Social networks are intricate things of beauty" (Christakis and Fowler xiii). Maintaining close friendships is good for your health.

19. Missing or Unnecessary Hyphen

A compound adjective requires a hyphen when it modifies a noun that follows it.

This article describes eighteenth century theater.

A two-word verb should not be hyphenated. 

The dealers want to buy-back the computers and refurbish them.

20. Sentence Fragment

A sentence fragment is part of a sentence that is presented as if it were a complete sentence.  The following illustrate the ways sentence fragments can be created:

Without a subject

The American colonists resisted British taxation.  And started the American Revolution.

No complete verb

The pink geranium blooming in its pot.

Beginning with a subordinating word

We visited the park. Where we threw the Frisbee.

These 20 most common errors can be avoided in your writing if you reserve time to proofread your final draft before submission.

Works Cited

Lunsford, Andrea A. and Karen J. Lunsford.  “Mistakes are a Fact of Life: A National Comparative Study.”   CCC 59 (2008) 781-806.

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• 9 Essay Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

Writing essays is a mainstay of education from secondary school through to university, and no matter how well you know the subject in question, if you can’t write a good essay, your marks will suffer. Different academic traditions approach essays in different ways, so in this article we’re going to focus on the kind of essay expected in British schools and universities; the kind you’d be taught how to write, for instance, at our Oxford summer school . That kind of essay should put forward an argument, develop it through several different points, and conclude in a way that marries the points together and reinforces your original argument. It sounds straightforward, but as anyone who’s ever had to write an essay knows, it isn’t always so simple. Here are the types of error people make when writing essays, and how you can avoid them.

1. The list

Perhaps the most common type of bad essay is the list. This can be a result of bad essay writing, but bad question-setting also plays a role. Take the classic essay topic of the causes of the First World War . One way of phrasing a question on this could be simply, “What were the causes of the First World War?” It naturally lends itself to a list; you could almost answer in bullet point. To avoid the list, you’d have to distort the question. Another question could explore the same area of knowledge, but encourage a better-structured essay, such as “Was the First World War inevitable?” or “Was imperialism responsible for the First World War?” You’ll know if you’ve fallen into the trap of writing a list if words like “moreover”, “furthermore” and “additionally” are creeping into your essay more than “therefore” and “however”. To avoid just writing a list, first see if the question invites a list, and if so, reframe it in your head in order to construct an argument. In the First World War example, you could say, “It is popularly believed that the chief cause of the First World War was… but the causes of war in fact went much deeper…” – and then you’re arguing, rather than listing, right away. Consider also which items on your list are more important or less important, and how they interact with each other, and make sure that you come to a firm conclusion that picks a stance and doesn’t settle for “there were many causes, all important” or related waffle.

2. The weighing scales

The “weighing scales” approach to writing an essay is when you have a choice of two options, and you come down firmly on the fence. This is particularly common in essays on a difficult or controversial topic, such as, “Would justice be better served if criminals were given longer prison sentences?” The weighing scales approach would say, “on the one hand, some criminals are treated too leniently… on the other hand, longer prison sentences can increase recidivism… then again, longer sentences may act as more of a deterrent… but they also cost the state a lot of money.” The essay then concludes that there are strong arguments in favour of both sides, and perhaps that more research is needed (even when there has been plenty of research on the topic). In some academic disciplines and some cultures, the “weighing scales” approach to an essay is considered actively desirable. But that’s not the case for British universities. While it’s important to mention both sides (more on that in a moment), an essay should advance an argument. If you conclude that both sides have merit, your argument should at least propose a way of navigating between them. Make sure that by the end of your essay, your reader knows what your opinion is.

3. The polemic

The direct opposite of the “weighing scales” approach is the polemic. In this kind of essay, your reader is in no doubt at all about what your point of view is; unfortunately, they’ve heard rather too much of it and rather too little of anything else. Continuing on the same example as above, in the polemic, you might argue that prison is wholly negative, based on punishment not rehabilitation, leading to worse outcomes for prisoners than alternatives like community service, and introducing ‘new’ criminals to experienced ones so that they end up learning not how to avoid crime, but how to become better at it. While all those points are reasonable, the issue is that the other side is altogether missing. In a “polemic”-style essay, the writer rejects the other side so much that they won’t even discuss their ideas. That’s not persuasive; you also need to spend time acknowledging and refuting the alternative point of view. You don’t need to accept it, only explain where it comes from, and why it’s mistaken.

4. The literature review

A literature review is a perfectly valid piece of writing: it’s where you look at everything that’s been written on a particular topic, and compare, contrast and analyse the writers’ stances without interjecting too much of your own views. It’s a standard part of theses and dissertations, allowing you to establish the thoughts of the major authorities in the field so that you can refer to them later in the piece without the need for a lengthy introduction. But if you’re not supposed to be writing a literature review, then your essay shouldn’t resemble one. After all, it’s about assessing your knowledge, ideas and opinions, not everyone else’s. When a subject has been written about extensively, it can feel impossible to produce an original thought on it. You can end up attributing every point you want to make to another writer, because otherwise it can feel like plagiarism. But while every point might have been said before, your route through them and your reasoning will still be original. Make sure your own point of view is established, without relying too heavily on the literature.

5. The plagiarist

The opposite of the literature review, the “plagiarist” is the essay that passes off a little too much as your own work when it really ought to be credited to someone else. To be clear, we’re not talking about genuine copy-and-paste plagiarism (or the same thing with a couple of words tweaked and examples changed, which is no better) – that’s not a pitfall, that’s grounds for expulsion. This is instead where you’ve maybe read an idea, forgotten which article or book you read it in – or even that it wasn’t your idea in the first place – and put it in an essay without a citation. But even if you didn’t do it deliberately, it’s likely to be frowned on by your teachers. The only way to avoid the “plagiarist” essay is to take more thorough notes when you’re working on an essay. If you read something interesting, even if you don’t think it’s relevant, make a note of where you found it in case you do want to refer back to it. If you’re feeling really lazy, just take a photo of the details on your phone. Then you can make sure you’re not taking credit for ideas that aren’t your own.

6. The long introduction

This one is reasonably self-explanatory – it’s when it feel like the majority of the essay is introduction or scene-setting, and you never really get to the point. To go back to the earlier example of an essay on the causes of the First World War, a “long introduction” essay would spend paragraphs describing the context, the different countries and personalities involved, not to mention their histories – and then, running out of word count, would cram in a paragraph or two at the end about how all of this resulted in war. A “long introduction” essay can be the result of misjudging the word count (and more on that later) but it can also be the result of knowing a great deal about a topic and not wanting to commit to an argument. Avoid the long introduction by making sure your argument is clear from your introduction onwards. Sometimes students also structure an essay by starting with their weaker points and leading to their best point, as a kind of rhetorical crescendo. This can be effective if done well, but it can also lead to a “long introduction” essay as your reader has to sit through paragraphs of muddle waiting for you to get to your real knock-out idea.

7. The textbook

Another perfectly valid piece of writing that nonetheless makes for a poor essay is the “textbook” approach. Instead of writing an essay – with points, examples, explanations and an argument running through it all like a stick of rock – you write an explainer on the topic. This is akin to the list, but typically better written and structured. A “textbook” essay is not necessarily a bad piece of work; it’s just not what’s being asked of you when you write an essay. Sometimes, when students are shy about expressing their opinion, a “textbook”-style essay is the end result. They outline all the examples and explanations that they might have included without committing to the points. The end result is an essay where the student’s point of view could perhaps be inferred from the approach taken, but where it isn’t made explicit. If this is you, try to express your opinion more assertively; you might be avoiding saying things like “I believe” (as usually essays shouldn’t contain the first person) but try phrases like “it is clear that” or that such and such an alternative argument “is flawed”.

8. The revision notes

The “revision notes” essay is not an essay that resembles revision notes; instead, it’s an essay that’s so painfully light on detail that it reads like you used revision notes rather than doing the reading or research that you were supposed to. It skims over dates; it focuses only on the main characters of a novel; where a reader might expect it to cite another theorist, it avoids it with vague statements such as “many people have argued that…”. Assertions go unexplained and unproven. Typically the reason a student writes an essay like this is because they’re out of their depth; they haven’t done the work or understood the topic well enough to go into any more detail. If you’re finding that you’re writing this sort of essay even when you do know your topic, go through and see where more detail could be added. Even something like adding dates for events in brackets can give the sense that you know what you’re talking about. Similarly, try to use examples that aren’t the most obvious or default choice for the point that you’re making. It might feel unnecessary when you know the person marking your essay knows these details already, but you have to prove that you know the details as well.

9. The word count challenge

This goes in both directions – the essays where you’re restricted to 2,000 words and you feel like you could write a novel on the subject, and the ones where you have to write 2,000 words and you feel like you could barely manage a paragraph. Every student will have developed some tricks for getting round this, such as changing the margins or font size, or adding or removing contractions and adjectives. Of course, your teachers are wise to this. It’s much better to write an essay that’s appropriate for the length set in the first place, which means planning it out carefully. If you have what feels like too few points for the word count, can you go into more detail on those points? And if you have too much to say, can your points be grouped together for more of an overview that skips out the finer detail? Or perhaps your approach is too broad, and you can stick more closely to the question asked to condense what you want to say. This is particularly relevant for exams, where realising that you have more to say than time to say it in can be disastrous; the way to avoid it is practising until you have a better sense for how much content you need for a certain exam duration or word count.

Image credits: writing an essay ; list ; scales ; speaker ; books ; citation ; long book ; textbooks ; post-it note ; miniature book .

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6 Tips To Fix Bad Writing

by Kellie McGann | 41 comments

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Some of the most common feedback I get, besides my ridiculous comma usage, is that much of the writing sounds awkward. It can be a few words, a sentence, or even a whole paragraph. This bad writing is confusing to read and the sentences “just don't sound quite right.” How can I fix it to make my writing better? Let's take a look.

Writing skill sometimes comes naturally, but far more often, it is the product of hard work, feedback, and revision. Beginner writers who avoid revision or feedback are destined to be stuck in poor sentence structure, unclear paragraphs, or grammar errors until they commit to change. 

The first thing to realize is that you aren't alone. bad writing does not mean you are a bad writer—it means you are still in revision. Awkward writing is common, and I believe that it's actually a good sign. Awkward writing means that you are writing and have begun to silence your inner critic.

6 Tips to Fix Bad Writing

As I've worked to develop a working writing style , it's taken me a lot of awkward sentences, phrases, and words, but after editing (and many writing lectures from Joe), I've developed a few tips to avoid the bad writing. Here are six tips that helped make my writing better (hopefully they help you, too!). 

1. Read Out Loud

This is the first step to checking your piece for awkward writing: read it out loud . I wrote a post about this a while back, and it's still your best bet to check for awkward writing.

When you read something out loud, you catch common errors. When you read silently, your brain skips over errors, repeated words, and odd phrasing. Reading aloud reveals confusing word order that might cause your reader trouble.

How do you know if something is awkward? When you have to stop to reread. Don't make the mistake of thinking, “Oh, I just misread that…” no. If you have to stop and restart a sentence, it means something disrupted the flow of the grammar that your brain expected. 

If you have to re-read your writing, your reader will have to, too. It interrupts the flow and distracts your reader.

Bonus tip: if you need help developing an ear for language that will translate into stronger writing skills, practice reading all kinds of writing aloud. Your favorite authors in your genre, short stories , and the most overlooked ear training: poetry. 

2. Shorten Your Sentences

The next way to avoid awkward writing is to take out every unnecessary word , phrase, and sentence. As writers, we like to use words. But when we're trying to explain something, less really is more.

Which sentence is clearer?

When we make up reasons and explanations to avoid doing hard things, we are creating obstacles in the way of our success.

Excuses are enemies to our success.

The first sentence is awkward and confusing, while the second sentence is clear, straight to the point, and less than half the length.

You can also use a writing app like Hemingway to increase readability and identify places where your sentences might be too long and rambling.

And while Jane Austen may have written grammatically correct, beautiful sentences that stretched for entire pages, you'll likely find that readers today don't have much patience for it. Know what your genre's audience expects and deliver. 

3. Be Specific

Often when our writing is awkward, it's because we are being vague.

Here's a recent example from a book I'm working on:

We can never know the things that hold us back if we do not receive input from other people.

The sentence doesn't tell us what is holding us back or whom we need input from. It is awkward and leaves the reader confused. My editor commented on the sentence, “ What does that even mean?”

So let's be specific. How's this:

We are unable to see what past circumstances hold us back unless we allow input from trusted mentors or friends.

The second example is more specific and easier for readers to understand.

Fixing awkward sentences involves a lot of re-wording. Almost every sentence can be worded a hundred different ways, but as writers, our job is to find the best, yet simplest, wording.

When re-wording, avoid the passive voice and any repetitive words or themes. For example:

He was passed by the green car with a driver who held a cell phone in one hand, a sandwich in the other, and screamed as he flew by.

That sentence has a lot of information, is repetitive, and is written in the passive voice .

Let's re-word it:

The driver of the green car had his cell phone in one hand and a sandwich in the other as he flew by screaming.

This second sentence is now in active voice and less awkward after some re-wording. 

The way you build your sentences will depend largely on your writing style and genre, but make sure they remain clear and effective for the pace and tone of the piece of writing . 

5. Tighten Bad Writing

Awkward writing meanders without purpose. Sometimes it's plagued with strings of verbs stacked on top of each other, other times it's repetitious. This isn't something you can do well in a first draft: you tighten and polish in the second or third pass. 

It is the difference between having a bunch of mediocre sentences and sentences that build upon each other to illustrate exactly what the author intends.

A great example of a tight writer is Stephen King. He does this by creating a build-up and flow in each sentence he writes. As he says in On Writing:

I got a scribbled comment that changed the way I rewrote my fiction once and forever. Jotted below the machine-generated signature of the editor was this mot: ‘Not bad, but PUFFY. You need to revise for length. Formula: 2nd Draft = 1st Draft – 10%. Good luck.’

For example, here's a sentence that's stacking verb phrases unnecessarily:

In order to find out the suspects who might have committed the crime, Detective Harriday was planning on going to try to find and to search the town hall records for buyers interested in the property.

To tighten, ask yourself WHO is DOING what? And get that subject verb combo together.

Revised: Detective Harriday searched the town hall records for interested buyers.

 Notice how the long verb strong, “ was planning on going to try to find and to search” could really be one word: searched. That's tightening your writing, and verbs are a great place to begin.

Check out our new post on strong verbs here to help! 

Although I'm an optimist, sometimes, there's just no hope for an awkward phrase. When you've stared at it for hours and tried re-writing it twelve times, it's time to ask yourself, “ Is this necessary? ” If it's not necessary, you don't need it. 

There is freedom in the delete button. Hemingway famously took out sentences in his drafts. He wanted his readers to feel the space, and he trusted them to fill in the blanks. It kept him from overwriting. 

Make your writing better with these tips

Over the last few weeks, these tips have helped me fix my own bad writing, and I'm able to share it with clients now too.

Do you have any tips to fix bad writing?  Let us know your most helpful tip in the comments below.

Take fifteen minutes and look at an old piece and search for any awkward writing. Try fixing it with one of the tips above and share it in the Pro Practice Workshop here!

Kellie McGann

Kellie McGann is the founder of Write a Better Book . She partners with leaders to help tell their stories in book form.

On the weekends, she writes poetry and prose.

She contributes to The Write Practice every other Wednesday.

41 Comments

Ha! I agree with every word, yet every time I rewrite, I seem to add about 20%! It’s not that your tips are not valid: every one is important and useful, however, not every rewritten story will end up 10% less…

Not that my writing doesn’t need pruning, it’s just that when I get the story down, I tend to write a lot of the action and dialog and omit a lot of details (setting, description, etc). When I rewrite, I go over awkward wording, tighten sentences, add sentences to improve the flow AND fill in the missing settings and description. It always ends up clearer, richer, and longer.

Bottom line: we each write differently and should make the effort to learn our own writing style and how to work with it in rewrites.

Oh, and one more point that I look for in rewrites: filtering phrases. e.g. “I saw him walk the dog every evening” would be stronger as “He walked the dog every evening.” If you want to make a point of the character seeing him do it can add, something like “drawing me to the window to watch him as he passed.” Loads of words/phrases like that that I’m constantly pruning.

I like that advice! It makes our writing a lot stronger! Thanks for sharing!

Reading out loud has really improved my writing. nice post.

Reading out loud is the greatest! Glad you liked the post!

Good tips, Kellie!

Thanks Seth! You’ve definitely helped me figure out some of these tips! 🙂

An excellent article, Kellie. I believe that reading out loud will catch mistakes and awkard writing. I have learned to cut out useless words, and shorten sentences, which definitely improve my manuscript. At times I feel as if my writing is too simple. Any tips on how to make it more sophisticated or classy without using ‘flowery’ adjectives? Thanks so much.

Reading out loud can definitely help you identify if something doesn’t sound quite right.

Sometimes writing simple is a good thing, because it isn’t bogged down by flowery adjectives, like you mentioned. I really admire writers who are direct and clear with their words. But if you do want to make it more sophisticated or classy, maybe try reading some of your favorite authors and see how they do it, and if you like it, you could take bits and pieces of their styles to create your own. I’d love to read some of your work some time. : )

I totally agree that reading out loud helps. I am also an avid users of flowery adjectives and it is a hamper to the telling of a story. I get too caught up in description, making sure the readers sees, that I am causing the reader to oversee one scene, but not really see the big picture. How can I stop this?

I often find myself changing/tweaking words when I read my work aloud; that is my first clue. Most of the bestsellers I’ve read don’t use challenging language (words you have to go look up in the dictionary). Sophisticated prose is overrated, just keep the story moving. One of my instructors told us you can’t overuse the word “said” in dialogue, apparently other more colorful verbs distract the reader.

I have heard the word ‘said’ being described as an ‘invisible word’ in that it is completely unobtrusive yet helps a story along.

Great tips! And I’m glad I’m not the only writer out there with “ridiculous comma usage” 🙂

I might want to check with a doctor for breathing problems, cuz I have commas in everything. hehe

Debra, yeah, might want to get that checked. What would we do without our beloved commas though?

huff and puff and have a lot of run on sentences and and and and *bends over gasping for breath*

Haha, you are not alone. It can get out of control. I just love commas! 🙂

All of these are excellent advice! Thank you! 😉 <3

It's very important to delete any writing that is not necessary to the story! If you hate "killing your babies," as I believe Hemingway called it, save them in a file for a future piece. Peace, Sherrie Sherrie Miranda's historically based, coming of age, Adventure novel “Secrets & Lies in El Salvador” is about an American girl in war-torn El Salvador: http://tinyurl.com/klxbt4y Her husband made a video for her novel. He wrote the song too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P11Ch5chkAc

My kids get confused because of all the grammar rules. Me, too! I try to teach us that simple sentences are best. I like commas. I hope I am using them correctly.

I love commas. Commas, commas, and more commas. My editor loves it too 😉 Keeps them in business.

Great post! These tips are really helpful as I continue to refine my writing for my new blog and my ongoing novel writing. Thanks for sharing!

Glad the post helped! I still have to remind myself of these every day! 🙂

‘The Elements of Style’ by Will Strunk appeared in 1935. Regrettably, every computer owner appears determined to re-invent the wheel.

Omit needless words. Make every word tell. Obey the rules. Simple!

That’s great. I’ll have to check that out! It seems so simple, but I find I need to be reminded constantly in order to remember!

Looking at your title, I first wondered which “six tips to avoid”?

Good point! I can see how you could read it that way. Ahh, always so much to learn 🙂

Thanks, Kellie! I needed this today, as I am the Queen of the run-on, never ending sentence! LOL!

Felicia, I hear you. I am learning this lesson the hard way! I like my words and often want to keep them all! My editor keeps yelling at me though. 😉

I do a lot of rewording and especially eliminating passive voice. But I must be wordy because in Point #2 I find the first sentence says something the shorter second one doesn’t. I find it an interesting thought that excuses actually put obstacles in the way of success. Or how about a colloquial version: When we wriggle out of doing hard things, we’re actually piling rocks on our path to success.

When it comes to being specific, and for the sake of clarity, avoid It-itis. For example: If it’s not necessary and plain confusing, it’s okay to delete it. In your little quote we’re all on the same page as to what you’re referring to, but in some books I’ve seen a lot of its wreaking havoc with clarity.

Shorten sentences, tighten, re-word…all great advice. I try to replace adjectives with a more descriptive verbs on the first round of edits as well.

Jason, that’s good advice! I’ll try that next time! Glad the advice resonated with you!

I try and avoid awkward writing, by continuously correcting (read fixing) as I go along. The real danger there is the breaks in the flow of thoughts. Your 6 tips are a far better alternative. Thanks

I too am constantly rewriting and rewriting. I am never satisfied with a sentence. I am constantly asking myself, “Did I tell too much and not leave enough to the reader’s imagination?” So in comes the overwhelming flowery adjectives and with the constant rewriting, I lose my flow and it gets harder to connect scene to scene until finally, I have to start all over and then basically almost end up with what I started it. Sometimes I feel like a hamster traveling on his wheel. Do you think another pair of eyes would help me get off this viscous cycle and help advance my writing?

Parker, that’s the bane of a perfectionist…a tendency to overthink things. If you keep questioning your thoughts as you write, they will hold you to an answer, thus creating breaks in your writing. The fact that you commenced writing shows that you are convinced about what you want to write. So, believe in your self and let the thoughts flow.

Thanks, words of encouragement are always needed and much appreciated.

All my writings, old or new, are made to go through an axe. They are filtered & re-filtered often with the way you write it too. The struggle with words, phrases, commas, length is a never ending end. This is something, even if ever, claim yourself to be the best, will end up perfecting through. Reading your article, was a check up list, If following the same pattern though. Each one of us, bestowed with weak spots. I find myself often stuck in the rut of long sentences & similar words. That does not mean, I’m a scorer on other fronts.

A regular submitter on your site, offers everyday the privilege of De-Awkwardifying. The momentum has to go on, even if you know, you are far from being right….

All very true….especially about 2nd draft = 1st draft – 10%

Dan, yes! I’m working on a second draft now and it’s partially painful cutting it down, but so necessary.

This is brilliant, especially: there is freedom in the delete button! I hunt out redundant modifiers such as ‘final outcome’ or ‘important essentials’. This always improves my writing.

Thanks for the article, Kellie – sharing.

I’m focusing on finishing a short story that surrounds around a young teenage girl who trying to cope with being diagnosed as depressed. After some more rewriting here it is.

I had just turned sixteen, the year of driver license, college campus tours, and the peak of teenage angst, but the typical path to that was halted when my school’s guidance counselor requested for my mom and dad to to be brought in for what she described as a “heart to heart” confrontation. She wanted to discuss about my lack of socializing in school and the dark “troubling” poetry I had turned in for English class, previous weeks before. So as we all sat in the cramped off white office, crowded with cheap knick knacks and positivity posters you only ever see hanging up on a cubicle wall, she discussed that my best option for mental improvement would be enlisting the knowledge of a professional therapist since she feared I was at risk for being diagnosed as depressed, which would explain my anti-social behavior and troubling writing, because Lord knows you have to have an explanation to everything in life.

That’s how I found myself sitting, in the crappy conference room of the local library, on a cheap metal folding chair, listening half heartedly, to the supposedly uplifting speech spewing out of the leader of this so called group. Tom. We had all heard the speech at least a dozen times from Tom. After discovering in a pamphlet, while waiting in his local Wallgreens physician’s office for his annual flu shot, that 30.7 percent of Americans lived with a mental illness. I’m sure he also learned from the pamphlet almost half of Americans don’t get the needed amount of Vitamin D.

Sprinkle in some courageous words and throw in a couple overused quotes from a Hallmark card and you basically got the whole speech. Tom stated many, many, many times before, that he wanted to be a “guidance angel” for those diagnosed and thus Youth Mental Awareness or Y.M.A was formed. Y.M.A is for people thirteen to nineteen to talk about their illness.

I mainly showed up for the food.

This is how it went every Thursday night for the past six months, I would make up some weak excuses like a stomach ache, which would never work and then I would reluctantly drive to the Library and for the next hour and a half, listen to depressing stories from people I don’t know. Thus letting me let go of any frustration about my illness and letting the positivity engulf me.

It’s a real lifesaver.

The meeting goes like this, We introduce ourselves by stating our names, age, and illness. I usually go first since we start youngest to oldest, so I stand up, fiddling with my sleeves and start talking “Spencer, sixteen, depression.” Tom would try to coax me into talking a little bit more which I will answer with “I’ll pass” and then sit down again which by now, I’m greeted by a feeble round of applause and we continue going around till everyone has introduced themselves.

So in our group we have twelve people, that means if you do the math correctly, four depressions (one of those being me) four anxiety, three bipolar, and finally, four OCD. That probably sounds harsh, but it’s true, and the truth hurts, like a mother. Then after listening to someone’s story about their trials they passed or struggles they overcame, we all grip each others hand to recite the Y.M.A motto which is “United through others, we are stronger than those who are not.” Long, stupid, and cliche. Very fitting. It’s also very hard to focus on reciting it when a stranger’s sweaty hands are clutching yours. After that, I’m finally granted my rightly given freedom and the meeting disperses.

I walk through the double sided exit doors and strolled out to my car. I fumbled for my car keys while I called mom, finally starting the engine when she picks up on the third ring. “Hey mom” “Hey Honey, how was your meeting?” I buckled my seat belt and switch on the radio. “Same old same old, I just wanted to let you know I’m leaving now so I’ll be home in ten.” “Alright drive safe.”

She clicked off and I turned onto the road to home. After a few minutes I turned onto my street and drove pass a manicured lawn after manicured lawn until I pulled into the driveway, greeted by red shutters and lawn gnomes, everything about the house screamed “upper class suburban white family” but it was home. I locked my car and walked onto the porch. Opening the front door, the tangy smell of Chinese take out wafted through the air, I closed the door and tossed my purse in the hall closet before walking into the kitchen where I found mom setting takeout cartons on the kitchen table. ‘Hey mom.” “Hey Spence.” She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.” “Wash your hands and then sit down to eat.” I turned on the kitchen faucet and scrubbed my hands. “Where’s dad?” “Speak of the devil.” He walked in and popped a sweet and sour chicken in his mouth. “Sit and eat.” Mom firmly instructed. I took a seat as mom passed plates, loading up our plates as we discussed our day, just like we always have done, ever since I can remember.

“You have your appointment with Mrs. Lark tomorrow at 10:00.” She gingerly included in the conversation, like she was defusing a bomb. I still don’t think she’s entirely comfortable with knowing I have Depression, but who can blame her, what’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you hear the word Depression? “I know” I swallowed a bite of food. “I can go with you if you want.” “I’ll be fine.” I grabbed the empty plates and took them over to the sink to wash them. “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m sixteen, I got to spread my wings a little, learn to fly.” She still seemed slightly unsure so I tried to put her at ease. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” She hesitated for a moment before finally agreeing. “Okay.”

After dinner we sat in the living room to watch a stupid 80‘s movie, filled with cheesy one liners and cheap special effects. “Alright troops.” Mom got up to stretch. “I’m headed to bed.” Dad got up as well before saying “I think I’ll join you. “ I kissed them both Goodnight before they trudging upstairs, and I dug out a pint of Ben and Jerry, switching the TV channel onto a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills marathon. Nothing boosts my self esteem like watching plastic surgery induced women fight over overpriced shoes, which I watched till their diamond started to blur together.

I turned off the TV and walked upstairs to my bedroom. I pulled my pajamas and slid into bed, snuggling into my blanket. I tried to fall asleep, but it seemed it was going to be one of those nights where all you can do is think. About your future, your past, and your present. The gears just start turning and you can’t stop them no matter what, which usually leads to some sort of life crisis at One o’clock in the morning, but for now all you can do is think. Everything you put off thinking about comes back to haunt you at night, when the air is still and the only thing keeping your company is the rhythm of your breathing.

I guess I finally fell asleep because the next thing I knew I was goggling reaching to turn off the annoying beeping of my alarm clock. I stumbled downstairs after trudging out of bed and jumping in the shower. I found mom eating breakfast and reading the newspaper. I grabbed the orange juice out of the fridge and poured myself a glass.

“Morning honey.” “Hey mom.” I took a swig of OJ. “I’ve got to swing by the office today for a few hours so I won’t be back before you.” “Okay.” She picked up her paperwork and stuck it in her briefcase, quickly kissing the top of my forehead before grabbing her car keys. “I love you kiddo.” “I love you too.” She swept out the front door, but not before saying “If there’s any issues just call me.” then she left. After breakfast, I worked on catching up on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills till I had to leave . I grabbed my car keys, left for my appointment and drove to the building lot where Mrs.Larks therapist office was located.

I walked in and signed in, I took a seat in the waiting room before Mrs. Lark walked out of her office, comforting a hysterical woman and a grim faced face man who I assumed was her husband. “Hey Spencer.”

She motioned for me to walk into her office. I sat down on the familiar lumpy beige couch and examined the plain colored walls framed with cheap knockoff artwork of the Italian riverside, facing wall to wall bookshelves that housed degrees and diplomas.

Mrs.Lark tucked a piece of blonde hair behind her ear before grabbing her notebook and pen off of the side table. “How have you been?” She asked. “Alright.” “Any issues with your medicine?” “None so far.” She scribbled on her clipboard. “Okay well, I thought we could try something new this session.” “And that would be?” “Let’s discuss your fears, what’s the first thing that pops into your mind when you then ask yourself what you fear?” I thought or a moment. “I really don’t know.” “Just anything heights, snakes, storms?” “I don’t really fear those things, I mean that’s just common sense.” “What do you mean?” “I don’t fear skyscrapers but I’m not going to jump off of one.” “So you are saying you don’t fear anything?” “I wouldn’t say that, I just don’t know what I fear.” “Interesting.” She scribbled on her clipboard.

We talked some more about the typical shrink stuff like my feelings and crap like that, then the session was over. I thanked her and walked out to my car and drove to the nearest Starbucks. After ordering my latte I walked over to Williams Deans Park, which was basically just a plot of land with a ratty playground and ran rusty bench. If I had a park named after me when I bit the dust I would like something a little nicer than a run down playground. I took a sip of coffee and started to think about the fear exercise. I wanted to know what I feared, not just some stupid life metaphor that sound like it should be plastered on a daytime drama.

I don’t even fear death, I’ve pretty much just accepted death as just something we all have to face in order to make room for others in life. I thought harder. What about how I felt last night, the terrifying feeling of knowing that there are going to be times where I will not know what to do in my life, or feel that sadness in the very bottom of my bones that creeps like a forgotten nightmare. The undeniable fact that I will, I’ll let myself down, or the unforgivable pressure to carry on even if it’s the last thing I want to do. Then it it me. I fear life.

Outstanding advice! Thanks for sharing, Kellie!

The power of re-wording is incredible! Sometimes it helps to change the whole reader’s perception and attitude to your writing. Besides, it’s reasonable to use a plagiarism checker to make sure that your writing has no similarities with already published works.

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Bad College Essay Examples: 5 Essay Mistakes To Avoid

Grades, GPA, and transcripts are important components when applying to college. But numbers only tell part of the story. The  college admissions essay  plays a much more powerful role in telling your personal story to college admissions officers. So while university admissions departments may set initial cut-offs based on numbers, they make their final decision based on your college personal statement essay.

At Wordvice, we know college admissions essays. Every year, we receive tens of millions of words to edit from students applying to college. Therefore, we know what good college essays, bad college essays, and great college essays look like–and what students should do in their essays to get the attention of admissions officers.

Here we will cover  how to write a good college personal statement  by looking at some  common college admission essay mistakes to avoid  and discuss ways to improve your college application essays.

What does a good college application essay look like?

Before looking at some essay mistakes to avoid (or “bad college essays” to be a bit more blunt), let’s discuss what a good admissions essay does. Effective college personal statements give broad, comprehensive insights into your personal and academic background, provide college admissions counselors with an overview of your goals, and answer the college prompt directly and clearly. 

One of the best ways to learn how to write a good college application essay is to look at what successful students wrote.  

Check out a few powerful  examples of successful personal statements  so you can recognize what a great college application essay looks like. Reading examples of college essays can help you to understand exactly what college admissions officers are looking for.

Useful Tips on How to Write a College Admissions Essay

Once you take a look at what some successful college essay examples look like, the second step should be looking at some useful tips and checklists. This will help organize your college essay writing process, so look at these tips  before  you start writing and check them off as you go. 

• Quick Tips to Conquer the College Application Essay
• Six Tips for Proofreading your College Admissions Essay

Why it’s Important to Avoid Mistakes in Your College Essay

Even if you include all of the above positive tips in your college application essay, you still need to be aware of and avoid common college application essay mistakes. The importance of this cannot be understated. 

Negativity bias  is the concept in psychology that people will remember, dwell on, and act upon unpleasant thoughts and emotions as compared to positive or correct ones. Therefore, applicants should focus on the positive and productive elements of their personal narrative in the essay, even if this story includes some negative events or circumstances.

What does this mean for your college application essay?

Your personal statement is not only scanned by AI-powered grammar and spell checker apps to weed out simple mistakes outright, they are also read, interpreted, and graded by real human college admissions officers. These are seasoned professionals who will reject your college essay for any reason they deem fit. 

Randi Heathman, an independent education consultant, gives a clear summary of  why application essays are rejected :

Weak essays get skimmed. If a student’s essay isn’t great OR good, the admission officer will probably just skim past the essay and move right on to your transcript and your test scores to evaluate your candidacy for admission. Bad essays don’t get read. Period. A bad essay will prompt an admission officer to assume one of two things: 1) either you don’t care enough about your future at their school to take the time to write a good essay or 2) you aren’t academically up to attending their college or university. Neither of those assumptions will help you get admitted.

Do you see a theme here? Your college admissions essay needs to not only engage in and answer the prompt but also not give admissions officers any reasons to discard it. 

For this reason, students must actively  avoid the following college admissions essay mistakes.

Common College Essay Mistakes To Avoid

Below is a list and analysis of the types of mistakes to avoid on your college personal statement and avoid writing a bad college essay that will likely NOT get you into your program of choice.

Your Application Essay Repeats the Essay Prompt

Many universities have strict word counts that are designed to make the admissions process more efficient but also force you to write concisely. 

For example,  Villanova University has two application essays . The free choice essay is limited to 250 words while its “Why Nova?” essay is limited to just 100 words! 

So if you really want to ruin your chances of admission, repeat the essay prompt. Veteran college admissions officers will instantly trash your essay. It shows laziness and is interpreted as you not respecting their time. You need every opportunity to show who you are, your goals, and how you align with your target university. The best students have plenty to write about, and so should you.

Your Application Essay Uses Cliches

One of the biggest mistakes to avoid in your college admissions essay would be including tired clichés that don’t add interesting points or content. Don’t try to sound profound, exclusive, or postmodern in your writing. This will be obvious to the reader, and you probably will also not be the best writer or candidate on paper they have seen. What’s actually important is to demonstrate your self-awareness, your self-confidence, and your priorities and goals. 

Trying desperately to sound special will make you end up sounding like every other applicant, and admissions officers are experts at spotting fakes. You have plenty of resources to work with. Make sure your ideas are your own.

Example of clichés in an essay

When explaining a personal setback or a difficult decision, instead of writing, “This event was a disparate result antithetical to my character,” show some personal ownership and be straightforward. Here is a better way to phrase this sentiment:  “This is a decision I am not proud of, but it helped me learn a valuable lesson and put me in a better place today. Without this formative experience, I wouldn’t be the kind of person who applies myself in every challenging circumstance.”  

Need extra help improving your essay writing? Check out these  14 tricks to make your writing clearer and more engaging :

Your Admissions Essay Shares Too Much Personal Information

You have probably read everywhere that your personal statement should be, well, personal. Colleges want to get to know not just your academic background but also your personal worldview and interactions with successful people. 

This doesn’t mean you should discuss deeply personal issues at length or in too great of detail. Even controversial topics such as religion and politics are often welcomed if your perspective is well reasoned and fair. However, you must be able to demonstrate you can respect, recognize, and maintain personal boundaries. That is a key life skill that college admissions committees are looking for. 

Examples of sharing too much personal information

• Don’t discuss your sexual experiences.  Your sexual orientation may be a key part of your overall identity. However, limit this by keeping out details of personal activities. Use common sense and understand that most admissions officers are members of the general public who might not respond favorably to explicit details of your personal life. 
• Don’t confess to strange, illegal, or immoral behaviors or beliefs.  If you have a strange obsession, keep it to yourself. Only include unique aspects about your character or preferences if are key parts of how you view the world or your success as a student.
• Don’t insult subgroups of people . You never know who your college admissions officer will be. You want to show you know how to interface with the world, and your college application is a big first step to showing your maturity and inclusive views.

Your Admissions Essay is a Sympathy Essay

This essay mistake is very similar to oversharing personal information. These types of essays are usually a long list of all the terrible things that have happened to you with the hope that the admissions committee will take pity because they feel bad for you. 

Newsflash: the “sympathy approach” likely is not going to work. A lot of prospective students have gone through the divorce of their parents, the death of a friend or family member, medical issues, disabilities, mental health issues, accidents, etc. 

If you do want to include these life-changing or identity-forming events, they must be used to explain how they shaped you as a person, what you learned, and how you handled adversity. Show how you grew as a person or how your worldview and character were altered to make you into the excellent college candidate you are today.

Examples of “sympathy essays”

• “Everyone around me kept me from succeeding.”  Like the lyrics of an early-2000’s rock song, some application essays foreground their experiences on a canvas of pain and oppression by all the people around them. This is just self-defeating. Even if something happened that changed your plans, upset you, or harmed you in some way, reframe your story to show how you were able to shift your priorities and succeed after you learned what you were unable to do.
• “Becoming injured my senior year ruined my plans.”  If you are an athlete and suffered a career or scholarship-ending injury, that is a big deal. But your potential doesn’t just disappear because of a setback. Whatever events and influences made you who you were before are still more important than a single unfortunate occurrence in your past. 

Your Application Essay Gives You All the Credit

While you may have top SAT scores, a high GPA, and lots of awards, don’t forget this one simple truth: there are always bigger fish in the sea. No matter how good of an applicant you are, there will be someone better based on whatever metric you are proud of. 

So what should you write about in your college application essay to stand out from the many overachievers?

Try humility and perspective. Don’t forget to give credit where credit is due. No person is an island, so in your essay you can give recognition to those who helped you along the way. Try not to belittle or minimize the contribution of your high school teachers or mentors. Admissions counselors, as educational professionals, will be looking to see if you are ready to interact with the next level of academic educators. So including friends, family members, and mentors who helped you grow and develop could be a good topic for your college personal statement.

Examples of “giving yourself all the credit” in an essay

• “I was valedictorian and did it all by myself.”  You should be proud of your academic achievements, as they are important for your college application among other goals. However, give credit to someone who helped you learn. You didn’t teach yourself!
• “In the end, I found the only person I could rely on was myself.”  Some students come from very tough backgrounds, and so it can be tempting for these students to stress this in their essay. But remember that college admissions offices want you to add value to the university community as a college student at their school. Even the smartest students cannot do this if they fail to acknowledge the contributions of others. 

Your Personal Statement Has Not Received Proofreading or Editing

A sure way to get your college essay thrown aside is to have it full of grammar and spelling mistakes. The college admissions process is very competitive, and you need every edge you can get. You should spend a substantial portion of your essay preparation editing and proofreading after writing your personal statement.

Start by reviewing and revising the essay yourself. Read it aloud. Run it through a couple of online spelling and grammar checkers. And start early on each college application–at least two weeks before the application deadline. You should also consider giving your admissions essay to a friend, parent, or teacher to review. This can help you improve your essay in many ways because other people can give quite different perspectives. 

Check out the  Benefits of Peer Review vs Self-Editing .

Finally, you should look into using an application essay proofreading and editing service to revise and improve your application essay. Just as peer review is superior to self-editing alone, professional proofreading services and application essay editing services are superior to peer review. The hard truth is that too many other students (your competition) are going above and beyond in preparing these important essays. Being short on time and expertise makes using an editing and proofreading service a good solution.

How Does Wordvice Improve Your College Application Essay?

Wordvice editors  are required to have graduate or postgraduate degrees. This means you are getting guaranteed expertise compared to other services, which typically only require editors to hold a bachelor’s degree. Wordvice is also among the top-rated  essay editing services  and personal statement editing services by Wired.com. We achieved this recognition by following the  Wordvice Customer Promise . That means providing value to every student and every personal statement we edit. 

Additional Admissions Essay Steps to Take

We hope you learned a lot from these examples of successful college personal statements. So what’s next?

I want to learn more about the college admissions process

Interested in learning more tips from experts about the college admissions process, personal statements, or letters of recommendation? Check out the  Wordvice Admissions Resource blog .

I am interested in professional editing for my personal statement

We also got you covered! Check out our  English editing services to get started on improving your college essays. Or jump straight in and use our  editing price calculator to get an editing price quote and start the ordering process.

Writing Help (formatting, templates, and writing samples): Sample BAD and GOOD paragraphs

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Roys Writing Tools

There is a complete set of 50 lectures from Roy in iTunesU. Check them out!

Good Writing: Critical Thinking!

The weather in 1816 Europe was abnormally wet, keeping many inhabitants indoors that summer. From April until September of that year, "it rained in Switzerland on 130 out of the 183 days from April to September" (Phillips, 2006). Unlike today, one could not simply turn on a television or click through the Internet in order to entertain oneself. Instead, it was much more common for the educated people of the day to spend time reading, discussing well-known authors and artists of the day, playing at cards and walking in their gardens and walking paths.

If you were Mary Shelley in the company of Byron and others, you amused each other by reading out loud, sharing a common interest in a particular book, and sharing with the others your own writing. In her introduction to Frankenstein, her explanation of how this extraordinary novel came to be was due, at least in part, to the weather and the company (Shelley, 1816).  "I passed the summer of 1816 in the environs of Geneva. The season was cold and rainy, and ...we occasionally amused ourselves with some German stories of ghosts... These tales excited in us a playful desire of imitation" (Shelley, as quoted in Phillips, 2006).

Sample Bad paragraph

I hate wet and reiny days.

It rained a lot in 1816.... a lot - like everyday; the weather in Europe was abnormally wet because it rained in Switzerland on 130 out of the 183 days from April to September. If I was Mary Shelley I might decide to write a book too. Afterall, it was the onnly thing you could do without TV or anything. She said that she "passed the summer of 1816 in the environs of Geneva...we occasionally amused ourselves with some German stories of ghosts... These tales excited in us a playful desire of imitation"  So, people were stuck inside and bored. Mary Shelley decided to write a book becuase it was so awful outside. I can totally see her point, you know? I guess I would write a novel if there was nothing else to do.

Why is this good writing?

• The introductory sentence immediately tells the audience your topic.
• The opening paragraph supports the opening sentence.
• The second paragraph supports the first paragraph.
• There are no spelling errors, and the writing is clear and concise.

What's not so good here

• The opening sentence is not on target, and it has a spelling error.
• The second sentence states a fact, but no cited source is provided - plagiarism!
• The rest of the paragraph begins to discuss the topic, but not clearly enough to allow the audience to see where you are heading.
• The quote used does little to support the opening sentences.
• Grammar errors  and run on sentences are present as well.
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Four Examples of Bad Writing and How to Fix Them

Posted on July 30, 2020 August 2, 2020

There are many ways in which your writing could be thought of as bad, but in this week’s blog, I want to unpack just a few:

Sentimental

Melodramatic.

• Overwriting.

As with all writing rules, there is a place for sentimental writing. When used sparingly it can be emotionally evocative, when used in great swathes it becomes heavy handed.

One of the biggest problems that can occur with sentimental writing is when cruel, oppressive, pitiful, or difficult issues/situations are romanticised.

Think of the portrayal of black domestic workers in The Help, the violence these women would have suffered is swept aside in place of a pie joke.

There is nothing sentimental about inspiring compassion in our readers, and writing manipulates its audience one way or another, but when facts, history, or suffering are stuffed into the back of the closet or concealed by an ornate mask … that is a problem.

In terms of writing exercises, melodrama can be fun; however, no one wants to read a 600+ fantasy novel dripping with over the top emotions or purple prose.

Melodrama is exaggeration, extreme emotions, and unbelievable dialogue (“nobody talks like that!”).

Basically, it’s another form of telling instead of showing. Rather than establishing the mood through language, the writer is relying on the melodrama to communicate the seriousness of the situation.

Yes, life can be dramatic, but melodramatic writing can break believability and your reader may struggle to take the story seriously.

This bad habit can be avoided by focussing instead on a few craft basics such as, character development, obstacles, and feelings.

Readers need to care about the characters enough (or at least the MC) to be invested in what happens to them, they need to encounter obstacles, and the reader needs some access to their interior landscape.

Lazy Writing

There’s a huge difference between simple writing and lazy writing. Simple writing is clear, lazy writing is boring and unspecific.

Simple writing: The room was empty when he entered.

Lazy writing: He walked through the garden.

We’re all guilty of slipping into this lazy form of prose, hell, first drafts are usually full of these types of sentences as we’re trying to figure out the story!

Lazy writing relies on overused and unspecific verbs.

Not every sentence will be a work of art, but a bad sentence can be fixed simply by exchanging the dull verbs for lively and surprising ones. (NB: you cannot solve this problem with adverbs!).

Take the above example, what would happen if we exchanged ‘walked’ for another verb?

Edited version: He skipped through the garden.

What if we added some adjective, nouns, or even proper nouns to spice it up further!

Edited version: Larry skipped through the luscious garden.

The sentence is still simple, but now it is clear and specific. We can see Larry, his actions, and the setting, whereas before we could not.

Lazy writing can also be an over reliance on cliché’ or your specific writing ticks – words or phrases that you unconsciously use … a lot!

Weeding these bad boys out and finding new ways to say the same thing will ensure that your sentences remain surprising and delightful.

Overwriting

I’ve previously blogged about how to reduce your word count , but there are several different ways in which we can overwrite.

First there is the inclusion of too many adjectives or adverbs.

For example: The chipped and worn door flew open with a bang to reveal a stately man with quite the pronounced belly and exceptionally large nose.

While this sentence is a bit fun in its’ over the top nature, reading an entire novel in this manner would be … unpleasant.

Edited version: The door opened with a bang to reveal a well-dressed man with a pronounced belly and large nose.

The edited version is tighter (18 words instead of 24) and more specific (well-dressed instead of stately).

The second way you can overwrite is by either saying the same thing two different ways (tautology) or by over explaining things.

The door, which is a large piece of wood that separates two rooms and is secured to a frame by hinges, flew open with a bang.

Emily is Erin’s sister. Emily is Erin’s female sibling.

I don’t think I really need to unpack these …

Look, there are times when bad writing is okay.

Your first draft for instance will be bad, but when we becoming aware of what bad writing looks like, why it is bad, and most importantly how to fix it, we can effectively revise our prose and publish stories that we are truly proud of.

Now, over to you. What are some examples of bad writing that you can think of? What areas in your own writing do you need to work on? Leave a comment below, I’d love to know.

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The Ivy Coach Daily

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November 4, 2013

Bad College Essays

Curious to know what bad college essays look like? Pick any college essay at random submitted to a college — even the highly selective ones — and there’s a great chance that you’ll pull out a bad essay. And why’s that? Because high school students just plain can’t write. It’s a conclusion we came to years ago, one reinforced over the last several years. In fact, in all of our years helping students with their college admissions essays, we can remember one (one!) essay that was actually great before we started helping with revisions. The writing of American high school students (and the international applicants are way worse!) is, quite frankly, horrible.

Let’s give our readers an example of some bad college essay writing. Here is a sample paragraph from an essay. Tell us what you think is wrong with it in the Comments section below: Winning the race was a really big accomplishment for me. It made me really proud to stand on the podium and wave to the crowd, surrounded by so many people I love. I’ll never forget that moment. I’ll never forget that win. It taught me so many valuable life lessons about never giving up and about what it takes to succeed. In this way, sports symbolize life.

And let’s hear your comments on this sample paragraph from a terrible college essay that we’re making up on the spot: Being first chair violin can, at times, be very stressful. If I mess up a note, the whole orchestra can follow my lead. I sit right by the conductor. I am who the audience is looking at. There is so much pressure. And yet I love it. Playing the violin makes me feel alive.

So what’s wrong with these sample paragraph? Is anything right? Definitely not! If you thought anything was right, you might want us to have a look at your college essays. We promise that they’re a whole lot closer to these sample paragraphs than you might think!

Need help with your college essays ? We’re offering a college essay package. Email [email protected] for information.

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10 Bad Grammar Examples to Avoid

Krystal N. Craiker

What are the worst grammatical errors you can make? Keep reading to check out our top ten bad grammar mistakes.

Why Good Grammar Matters

1. subject–verb agreement, 2. pronoun–antecedent agreement, 3. verb tenses, 4. double negative phrases, 5. dangling and misplaced modifiers, 6. confused homophones, 7. bad sentence structure, 8. punctuation errors, 9. verbose sentences and tautologies, 10. mixed-up pronouns, how to avoid bad grammar mistakes.

Why should you care about using correct grammar? The written language is one of the major ways we communicate our ideas.

Grammar is a set of rules and guidelines that make our writing clear and standardized. Good English grammar helps us portray our thoughts, opinions, and ideas in a logical way that everyone can understand.

Improper grammar leads to miscommunication. Good grammar is important for communicating ideas in academic writing, in the workplace, and in creative writing.

What are some of the most common grammar mistakes? Let’s dive into the top ten examples of bad grammar.

One of the worst grammatical errors is incorrect subject–verb agreement . It’s important to make sure that the subject and the verb go together.

You can think of it like a matching game. Always use plural verb forms when your subjects are plural nouns. When the subject and the verb match, they agree . When they don’t agree, it doesn’t look or sound right to the reader.

When we conjugate verbs in English, we almost always write the third-person singular present tense form differently from other forms. With certain irregular verbs , such as be , we write all the present tense forms differently from each other.

Let’s take a look at a few examples.

• Incorrect: We runs a half-marathon every November.
• Correct: We run a half-marathon every November.
• Incorrect: She show us pictures from her vacation.
• Correct: She shows us pictures from her vacation.

Things get trickier with the verb be . First person , second person , and third person singular are all written differently.

Here are some examples.

• Incorrect: I is going to the store.
• Correct: I am going to the store.
• Incorrect: You is my best friend.
• Correct: You are my best friend.
• Incorrect: She are a customer service representative.
• Correct: She is a customer service representative.

It’s easy to fix your subject–verb agreement issues. Read your sentences aloud to listen for mistakes. Agreement issues usually sound “wrong” when read out loud. ProWritingAid is also a quick, easy way to check for subject–verb agreement.

Subjects and verbs aren’t the only things that need to agree in English! Another bad grammar mistake is mixing up pronouns and antecedents .

An antecedent is the noun that a pronoun refers to. Pronoun–antecedent agreement includes matching gender and number or amount of items.

Here’s a simple example:

• Incorrect: President Biden delivered her speech from the Rotunda.
• Correct: President Biden delivered his speech from the Rotunda.

In this situation, President Biden is one male, so we use the pronoun "his."

Things get trickier with indefinite pronouns, compound subjects, and collective nouns.

Here is an example of each:

• Incorrect (indefinite pronoun): Each teacher went to their room.
• Correct (indefinite pronouns): Each teacher went to his or her room.
• Incorrect (compound subject): Kim and Khloe visited her family.
• Correct (compound subject): Kim and Khloe visited their family.
• Incorrect (collective noun): The team lost to their opponent.
• Correct (collective noun): The team lost to its opponent.

The rules vary from type of pronoun and individual situation. If you aren’t sure, use a grammar checker or look up the rule to avoid making this bad grammar mistake.

Mixing up verb tenses and moods is another common grammatical error people make. Verbs come in several tenses and moods. Make sure you’re using the correct one for what you’re talking about.

First, you must decide if you’re talking about the past, present, or future. Then you’ll need to determine if you’re talking about an ongoing action or a one-time event. This will help you determine which verb form to use.

Let’s say you’re emailing your boss about an incident that happened at work. You need to write in one of the past tense forms.

• Incorrect: Yesterday, I am going to the supply room. A customer will go up to me and said they needed help.

That incorrect example used the present continuous tense, the future tense, and the simple past tense to describe something that happened in the past. Here’s what it should look like.

• Correct: Yesterday, I was going to the supply room. A customer came up to me and said they needed help.

Now we have the past continuous and simple past tenses. These are correct for describing an event that occurred the day before.

In the English language, using two negative words is a grammar error. We call these double negatives . You should only use one negative word in a phrase to show negation.

The most common negative words are no and not . There are also words that use no as a root word, like nothing , none , nor, and nowhere . But there are other negative words in English, too, such as neither , hardly , barely , never , or scarcely . Be aware of any negatives that are hiding in contractions, like don’t or can’t .

The only exception is that neither and nor are used together when talking about two things (e.g. neither here nor there).

Here are a few examples of how to use negative words correctly.

• Incorrect: I can’t get no satisfaction
• Correct: I can get no satisfaction. OR I can’t get any satisfaction.
• Incorrect: He’s not going nowhere .
• Correct: He’s going nowhere . OR He’s not going anywhere.
• Incorrect: We can’t hardly wait.
• Correct: We can hardly wait.

In some informal situations or among certain cultures, double negatives are acceptable. However, in standard formal English, using double negatives is considered bad grammar.

Another example of bad grammar is misusing modifiers. There are two ways that modifiers can be used wrongly: when they are dangling or misplaced.

What’s a modifier? It’s an optional word or phrase that modifies another element in a sentence. You should always place a modifier as close to the element it’s modifying as possible. Otherwise, you might leave your reader scratching their heads.

A dangling modifier is a modifier that references nothing in the sentence. It’s as if the element it’s supposed to modify was forgotten, so the sentence is unclear.

• Incorrect: While jogging at the park, two squirrels fought over an acorn.

The squirrels weren’t jogging at the park, but the sentence doesn’t mention who was jogging!

Here’s how to fix it.

• Correct: While jogging at the park, I saw two squirrels fight over an acorn.

A misplaced modifier is a little different. The element that needs to be modified is present, but the modifier appears to modify something else.

• Incorrect: I saw a cute dog walking to the store.

Is the cute dog walking to the store? Probably not. There are a few ways you can fix this sentence to make the modifier clearer.

• Correct: While walking to the store, I saw a cute dog.
• Correct: I saw a cute dog while walking to the store.
• Correct: I saw a cute dog when I was walking to the store.

A squinting modifier is a type of misplaced modifier that might refer to the word or words before or after the modifier. It makes you squint at the sentence to figure out what is being modified.

Here’s an example.

• Incorrect: Drinking soda slowly erodes tooth enamel.

It’s not clear whether the adverb “slowly” refers to drinking soda or erodes. If you drink your soda quickly, will your tooth enamel still erode? Here’s how we can fix this squinting modifier.

• Correct: Drinking soda erodes tooth enamel slowly.

Even though we moved the modifier “slowly” further from “erodes,” it’s much clearer than before.

Spelling errors can fall under the bad grammar umbrella, especially when you confuse homophones. Homophones are words that sound the same but are spelled differently.

It’s important to use the correct word in your writing, but homophones make this tricky. There are a few common homophones that people mix up often.

Here are a few of them.

• your/you’re
• there/their/they’re
• which/witch
• affect/effect

When you’re using any of these words, always double check your meaning. If you don’t have the time to do this, ProWritingAid’s Homonym Report can help catch these sneaky words and keep your writing clear of errors.

Keep your writing error-free with a free ProWritingAid account.

Often, bad grammar is synonymous with bad sentence structure. There are two main ways that you can write a sentence that has bad grammar. We’ll talk about each of these ways in more detail.

First, there are sentence fragments . A sentence must make complete sense by itself. This means that a sentence needs, at the very least, a subject, a verb, and a complete thought. Without these, the phrase is a sentence fragment.

• Incorrect: Went to the store.
• Correct: He went to the store.
• Incorrect: A pretty girl named Susan.
• Correct: A pretty girl named Susan sits behind me in class.

There are situations where we use sentence fragments, especially in speech, but they are not appropriate for formal writing.

The second way to have poor sentence structure is with run-on sentences . Run-on sentences are sentences with multiple clauses that are not punctuated correctly with commas or other punctuation marks.

• Incorrect: He went to the store he needed to buy groceries because he was out of food but then he decided to also buy some cleaning supplies which he needed to clean the kitchen.

There are several ways you could rewrite this run-on sentence correctly .

Here’s one way:

• Correct: He went to the store; he needed to buy groceries because he was out food. Then he decided to also buy some cleaning supplies, which he needed to clean the kitchen.

Those punctuation marks are important to make the sentences easy to comprehend.

Our next type of grammar mistake has to do with punctuation errors. We already talked about how run-on sentences don't use punctuation correctly. But what about regular sentences?

First, it’s important to always use the correct end mark. A period is used for declarative sentences , question marks are used for questions, and exclamation points are used for exclamatory statements.

Here’s an example:

• Incorrect: Do you know Bob.
• Correct: Do you know Bob?

Other punctuation errors might include forgetting to use quotation marks for quotes, using extra dots in an ellipsis, or mixing up hyphens and dashes .

Wordiness is another bad grammar mistake. Even if a sentence follows all the mechanics of grammar, it can be too verbose and use complicated words. An unnecessarily wordy sentence is often called an inflated sentence . Most of the time, simpler is better.

• Incorrect: When you arrive at your domicile from your place of work, please prepare fresh cuisine for the late evening meal, which is necessary for sustenance.
• Correct: When you get home from work, please make dinner.

A tautology is a specific type of wordiness. It means to express the same idea twice. Tautologies make sentences redundant. While they can be useful in creative writing for emphasis when used sparingly, they add unneeded words in most types of writing.

• Incorrect: My heart beat erratically in my chest .
• Correct: My heart beat erratically.

Your heart always beats in your chest, so that phrase is unnecessary.

Our final grammar error is mixing up pronouns. In English, we have subject pronouns, object pronouns, possessive adjectives, possessive pronouns, and reflexive pronouns. Mixing up these pronouns is a bad grammar mistake you want to avoid.

• Incorrect: My mother and me went to the zoo.
• Correct: My mother and I went to the zoo.
• Incorrect: This is a photo of she and I .
• Correct: This is a photo of her and me .

The pronouns they/them/their/theirs sometimes act as singular pronouns, and they have been since at least the fourteenth century. However, you should still use the third-person plural verb forms when you use the singular “they.”

Pay attention to whether you are discussing the subject or the object of a sentence to determine which pronoun to use.

Even the best writers make mistakes! And there are so many grammatical rules to keep track of. With a quick proofread, you can avoid making these grammatical errors and others in your own writing.

Take your writing to the next level:

20 Editing Tips from Professional Writers

Whether you are writing a novel, essay, article, or email, good writing is an essential part of communicating your ideas., this guide contains the 20 most important writing tips and techniques from a wide range of professional writers..

Be confident about grammar

Check every email, essay, or story for grammar mistakes. Fix them before you press send.

Krystal N. Craiker is the Writing Pirate, an indie romance author and blog manager at ProWritingAid. She sails the seven internet seas, breaking tropes and bending genres. She has a background in anthropology and education, which brings fresh perspectives to her romance novels. When she’s not daydreaming about her next book or article, you can find her cooking gourmet gluten-free cuisine, laughing at memes, and playing board games. Krystal lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, child, and basset hound.

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Bad writing

This is a short rogues’ gallery of bad practice. It is short because we don’t want to dwell on negative examples, but it exists to offer a few warnings and to explain how problems are often caused. Most of the items have been mentioned elsewhere in advice on what to avoid, or cautions of one kind or another. I think they are worth second mention in a different context.

Using speech patterns

Poor punctuation

• Weak grammar and syntax
• Sentences too long
• Unrelated clauses

Jumbled vocabulary

• Straining to impress
• Mired in cliché

When we speak to each other, we don’t use grammatically complete sentences, careful constructions, and beautifully modulated syntax. Our utterances are often quite ungrammatical, abbreviated, and incomplete. We might say ‘She wasn’t there at home, it’ll be later when I’m going to call’. This would be acceptable in speech. But we would write ‘She was not at home, so I will call again later’.

If these habits of speech are carried over into the written language the results are usually not very good. Remember that on the page we do not have any of the other parts of spoken communication to guide us. Tone of voice, accent, stress, and facial expression are absent. The two forms of communication may both use words as their basic element, but they are two different ‘codes’.

If you wish to be understood, and if you wish to make a good impression in the written language, then you should stay fairly close to what is called ‘Standard English’. For most forms of writing, if you want to move away from this norm, you should know what it is you are doing, and you should have a good reason for doing so.

It might be acceptable to use dialects and the irregularities of the spoken language if you were writing fiction or trying to illustrate someone’s character. In almost all types of formal writing however, your best plan is to stay close to the norm – if only because you will thereby communicate with the largest number of people. This is not to be proscriptive or fuddy-duddy. If you have the confidence and the skill, you can use whatever linguistic devices you wish – but then you would probably not be reading this book.

Some people scatter marks of punctuation like confetti throughout their writing, making little distinction between the range of devices available. Yet if it is not used accurately and consistently, this creates an unsettling effect. The sense of a statement can be rendered ambiguous or obscure. Reading can become like hacking your way through a linguistic jungle. Remember that commas, semicolons, and colons are used to create pauses of different length in the grammar and the sense of a statement (see Punctuation ).

Another common form of poor punctuation occurs when one punctuation mark is substituted for another. The most frequent abuse of this kind is the use of the comma to string together statements which are in fact grammatically separate. They might be independent sentences, or (more usually) notes or brief ‘thoughts’.

‘The senator’s reaction was only outrage that a man’s career should be threatened, it was her word against his, they chose to believe his.’

These are separate statements, and should be treated as such. The first comma here should be a full stop (followed by a capital letter) and the second a colon.

The other extreme of the same problem is too little punctuation. This usually has the effect of leaving readers disoriented. We are not sure where one clause ends and the next begins. Unless there is great pressure to continue, we rapidly tire of trying to make sense of writing which has no stress or grammatical indicators. Let’s look at an example used elsewhere. It isn’t a particularly long sentence, but the absence of any punctuation makes it very difficult to understand at first reading.

‘Each night you stay at a Roberts-Plaza Moat Houses UK hotel at the fully published or corporate rate you are entitled to a special discount voucher.’

This usually occurs either because the writer doesn’t have a firm grasp of the meaning and best use of words – or because there is a ‘straining for effect’ which goes wrong. Sometimes the two features may be combined. A local council circular [in what we might call ‘Town Hall prose’] offers the following example of the first weakness:

Manchester has a strong objective to be widely recognized as a fully accessible city, and energetically supports the overall approach of the Action Programme.

The council might have a ‘strong ambition’; it might have these goals as its objective; but it cannot have a ‘strong objective’, because the term ‘objective’ is an abstract noun which cannot be qualified by ‘strong’.

The over-long sentence

Long sentences should generally be avoided – unless you have very good control of grammar and syntax. This is a very common problem for beginners. Some people start out on their subject, add qualifying clauses, explanations, or digressions of some kind, then seem to forget where they have come from. Their sentences drift grammatically and usually become difficult to understand.

If we contrast the past situation where although a doctor may not have been able to cure a patient, he would have visited the patient regularly giving emotional support; with a situation that might occur today, such as the impersonal treatment of a patient using highly sophisticated technology, it could be argued that this transition has produced a less humane or compassionate system.

The following is a more subtle example of the same phenomenon. The sentence isn’t quite so disastrous, but it should be much easier to understand. The weaknesses are caused by its length, but also by its poor grammar and confusing repetitions. [We are back in Manchester Town Hall.]

The Programme is of vital importance, and would assist in creating a significant improvement in the quality of life of disabled people of all ages, not least as access to transport is a key requirement in education and employment, as well as for social, leisure, health, shopping and other activities.

It starts with the active verb is then switches to the conditional ‘would’; the three ‘of’s in quick succession are clumsy; and ‘not least as’ [which should be ‘because’] is not properly paralleled in ‘as well as’. Like most of the examples we have looked at, it would be improved if it were split into two separate sentences.

Pretentiousness

Some people use writing as a vehicle to ‘impress’ others. Rather than make direct statements they use elaborate constructions and wordy phrases in an attempt to appear very literary or clever. These attempts rarely succeed because writing does reveal its author’s ‘style’. An insincere purpose will show through – as the following example should illustrate.

One would hesitate, however, to sip from the same poisoned chalice as those who would speciously crusade the assertion that literature is quintessentially socially functional. Pose the following interrogative: Would Dante, Shakespeare, or Milton, from their peerless pinnacles, have sullied their art, prostituted the muse which their endeavours had enthroned, by indicating something as trivial, as unworthy, as a social purpose? The art of such as these argues another view; that at the heart of all great creative achievement lies a self-justifying, eternally fathomless and sacred mystery.

Let’s finish with a stunning example from the world of provincial journalism. In his book on Newspaper Style , Keith Waterhouse points out that many tabloid journalists inhabit a linguistic world so steeped in cliché that their writing has the appearance of being constructed from ready-made parts. The following is an extract from a genuine theatre review (with the clichés highlighted) but the names have been changed to protect the innocent. [That’s a deliberate example!]

By their very nature cabarets tend to be a bit of a hit and miss affair . And Manchester’s own Downtown Cabaret is ample proof of that. When it was good it was good and when it was bad it was awful. Holding this curate’s egg together was John Keswick acting as compere and keeping the hotch-potch of sketches and songs running along smoothly . And his professionalism shone through as he kept his hand on the tiller and steered the show through a difficult audience with his own brand of witticism. Local playwright Alan Chivers had previously worked like a Trojan and managed to marshall the talents of a bevy of Manchester’s rising stars .

What then are the cures for bad writing? There are essentially two solutions. One is simply to take more care, and subject what you write to detailed scrutiny. If you are in any doubt at all about something you have written, be prepared to change it. If the meaning is ambiguous or cloudy to you, it will almost certainly be so to somebody else. You might ask a tolerant friend to read over what you have written. Check that it makes sense. The other solution is to make yourself more aware of the language and rhythms of good writing. Read the work of those who are known to write well. Absorb the syntax, the cadences, and the texture of good prose.

Chapter continues …

© Mantex/Clifton Press 1995-2011

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, what makes a college essay bad.

Hey everyone, I'm starting to work on my college essays, and I want to make sure I avoid any common pitfalls. In your opinion, what are some characteristics of a bad college essay? Are there any clichés or mistakes I should definitely avoid?

Hello! It's great that you're looking to avoid common essay pitfalls. A bad college essay can suffer from several issues:

1. Poor grammar and punctuation: Proofread, proofread, proofread! No matter how great your story is, if it's plagued with grammar and punctuation errors, it gives the impression that you didn't put in the effort. Ask others to review your essay and use tools like Grammarly to catch any errors you might have missed.

2. Generic or cliché topics: Some cliché essay topics include sports injuries or victories, immigrant stories, moving schools, and overcoming a challenging class. Writing about these topics can make your essay feel less unique and memorable. Keep in mind, though, that you can still write about these topics as long as you bring a fresh perspective or unique personal experience.

3. Lack of focus or depth: A good college essay showcases your personal growth, qualities, and thinking ability. Avoid trying to cover too many ideas or events, as this could result in a superficial essay. Instead, focus on one or two experiences and show how they have shaped you.

4. Negativity or complaining: While it's okay to acknowledge challenges you've faced, it's important to show resilience, persistence, or growth instead of simply complaining about your problems.

5. Failing to answer the prompt: Make sure you thoroughly address the essay prompt provided. If you don't answer the question being asked, your essay won't be helpful in showcasing your fit for the college or program.

6. Overusing quotes or big words: While it might be tempting to show off your vocabulary or include a favorite quote, it can detract from your voice and message. Focus on your own words and experiences, using advanced vocabulary and quotes sparingly.

7. Too much telling, not enough showing: "Show, don't tell" is a critical concept in good essay writing. Provide specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate your points, instead of simply claiming or listing attributes. This helps readers connect with you and makes your essay more engaging.

8. Not being authentic: Let your true self shine through your essay. Admissions officers can usually tell when you're writing what you think they want to hear, rather than writing honestly about your experiences and thoughts.

By being aware of these common issues, you'll be well on your way to writing a strong college essay that showcases your story and personality. Good luck!

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• Fri. Apr 26th, 2024

English Syllabus Guru

Your Ultimate English Syllabus Learning Resource

Guide to Good and Bad Writing with Examples

By Waqas Sharif

Writing is a beautiful art, but like any other art, it takes practice to master. There are many different styles of writing, each with its own set of rules and guidelines. However, there is one thing that is universal when it comes to writing, and that is the difference between good and bad writing. Good writing is clear, concise, and engaging, while bad writing is confusing, rambling, and boring. In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the good, the bad, and the ugly of writing. We will provide you with examples of both good and bad writing, and show you how to identify the difference between them. Whether you are a professional writer or just starting out, this guide will help you improve your writing skills and produce high-quality content.

1. Introduction

Welcome to “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly: A Comprehensive Guide to Good and Bad Writing with Examples”. Writing is a complex art, and everyone has their own style and preferences. While there is no single correct way to write, there are certain standards that can help you produce better writing.

In this guide, we will explore some of the best examples of good writing and highlight some of the common pitfalls of bad writing. Whether you are an aspiring writer or just looking to improve your everyday writing, this guide is for you.

We will start with the basics of good writing, such as clarity, conciseness, and coherence , and then move on to more advanced topics like tone, voice, and style. We will also examine some of the most common mistakes that writers make, such as spelling and grammar errors, cliches, and poor sentence structure.

Throughout the guide, we will provide examples of both good and bad writing, so you can see the principles in action. We hope that by the end of this guide, you will have a better understanding of what makes good writing and how to avoid common mistakes. So, let’s get started!

2. The qualities of good writing

Good writing is clear, concise, and to the point. It should be easy to read and understand, without the reader having to struggle to decipher the meaning. Sentences should flow naturally from one to the next, and the writing should be free from grammatical errors and typos.

Additionally, good writing should be engaging and interesting to read. It should capture the reader’s attention and keep them interested throughout. This can be achieved through the use of descriptive language, powerful imagery, and storytelling techniques.

Good writing should also be well-researched and accurate. Any claims made should be supported by evidence, and sources should be cited where necessary.

Finally, good writing should be tailored to the audience. It should take into account the reader’s level of understanding and use language that is appropriate for them. It should also be written in a style that is appropriate for the subject matter, whether that be formal or informal.

Overall, good writing is about communicating effectively with the reader in a way that is engaging, accurate, and tailored to their needs.

3. Examples of good writing

Good writing is always a pleasure to read, it flows easily and is easy to understand. It conveys the message in a clear and concise manner. Here are a few examples of good writing that you can learn from:

It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live. J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter, and the Philosopher’s Stone

This sentence is an excellent example of good writing, as it is short and precise, yet conveys a powerful message. It tells the reader that it is important to live in the present and not get lost in thoughts and dreams.

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on. Robert Frost

This quote is an excellent example of good writing, as it is simple and powerful. It tells the reader that no matter what happens in life, it always continues and we must move on.

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. Steve Jobs

This sentence is an excellent example of good writing, as it is short and to the point. It conveys a powerful message about the importance of passion in work and life. These examples show how good writing can be simple, precise, and powerful. By focusing on clarity and brevity, you can convey your message effectively and leave a lasting impact on your readers.

4. The pitfalls of bad writing

Bad writing can be detrimental to your message and your brand. It can cause confusion, and frustration, and even turn off potential customers. One of the biggest pitfalls of bad writing is poor grammar and incorrect spelling. This can make your writing difficult to read and understand, and it can also make your business look unprofessional.

Another common pitfall of bad writing is using overly complicated language and technical jargon. While it may make you sound smart, using terminology that your audience doesn’t understand can lead to confusion and disinterest.

Lack of clarity is also a common trap of bad writing. If your message is confusing or unclear, your readers will quickly lose interest and move on. Your writing should be clear, concise, and easy to follow.

Finally, a lack of originality can also be a pitfall of bad writing. Copying content from other sources without proper attribution or creating content that is too similar to what’s already out there can make your brand seem unoriginal and uncreative.

Avoiding these pitfalls is crucial to effective writing. Your writing should be clear, concise, and engaging, and it should reflect your brand’s unique voice and personality. By avoiding the pitfalls of bad writing, you can create content that stands out and resonates with your audience.

5. Examples of bad writing

As much as we strive for excellence in our writing, sometimes we fall short and produce bad writing. Here are some examples of common mistakes that contribute to bad writing: 1. Run-on sentences: “I woke up this morning, got dressed in a hurry because I was running late for work, grabbed a cup of coffee, spilled it on my shirt, changed my shirt, and then rushed out the door.” 2. Overuse of adjectives: “The beautiful, stunning, picturesque sunset was a breathtaking sight to see.” 3. Use of cliches: “He was as cool as a cucumber.” 4. Poor grammar: “Me and my friends went to the store.” 5. Lack of clarity: “The thing that happened was really bad.” 6. Use of jargon: “The synergistic approach to our marketing strategy was not conducive to our ROI.” These are just a few examples of bad writing that should be avoided at all costs. Remember, good writing is clear, concise, and engaging.

6. How to improve your writing

Time needed:  10 minutes

Improving your writing is an essential part of being a good writer. Whether you’re crafting a novel, writing a blog post or even just sending an email, good writing skills are important in making sure your message is communicated effectively. Here are some tips to help you improve your writing:

The more you read, the more you’ll learn about writing styles, structure, and grammar. Read books, articles, and blogs in your niche and outside it to help broaden your understanding.

Practice makes perfect, so write as often as you can. Even if you’re just jotting down a few sentences every day, you’ll be developing your skills over time.

Sharing your work with others can be scary, but it’s a great way to get constructive criticism. Join a writing group or find a trusted friend or family member who can give you honest feedback.

First drafts are rarely perfect, so be prepared to edit and revise your work. Cut out unnecessary words, rephrase sentences to make them clearer, and make sure your grammar and punctuation are correct.

There are many online tools available that can help you improve your writing, from grammar checkers to writing prompts. Use them to your advantage to help you spot errors and improve your skills.

Improving your writing takes time and effort, but by following these tips and continuing to practice, you’ll soon see a noticeable improvement in your writing style and ability.

7. The importance of editing

Good writing is not just about writing itself, but also about the editing process. Editing is the most crucial part of writing, and it is the process where you can turn a good piece of writing into a great one. Editing helps to refine your writing, making it clearer, more concise, and more readable.

When you are editing your work, you need to look at several things, such as the structure of your writing, the flow of ideas, the tone of your writing, grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors. These are all essential elements of good writing, and if you do not pay attention to them, your writing may not be as effective as you wanted it to be.

The editing process is not just about correcting mistakes; it is also about making sure that your writing is compelling and engaging to your readers. You need to make sure that your ideas flow logically and that your readers can follow your arguments easily. It is also important to make sure that your writing style is consistent throughout your work.

So, editing is an essential part of good writing, and it is a skill that can be learned and improved. So, take the time to edit your work carefully and make sure that your writing is the best it can be.

8. The role of feedback in improving your writing

Feedback is an essential part of improving your writing. Whether you are just starting out or have years of experience, you can always benefit from constructive criticism. Getting feedback from others allows you to see your work from a different perspective, identify areas for improvement, and gain valuable insights into how readers perceive your writing. One of the best ways to get feedback is to join a writing group or workshop. These groups provide a supportive environment where you can share your work with others and receive feedback on your writing. They can also help you develop your skills, learn new techniques, and gain inspiration from other writers. Another great way to get feedback is to ask friends, family, or colleagues to read your work and provide feedback. This can be particularly helpful if you are writing for a specific audience or purpose, as they can offer insights into what works and what doesn’t. When receiving feedback, it’s important to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Don’t be defensive or dismissive of criticism, but instead, use it as an opportunity to grow and improve your writing. Take note of the feedback you receive and use it to make changes to your work. Finally, it’s important to remember that feedback is subjective. Not everyone will agree on what makes good or bad writing, and you may receive conflicting advice. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what changes to make and how to improve your writing. Use feedback as a tool to help you achieve your writing goals, but don’t let it dictate the direction of your work.

9. The importance of reading widely and critically

One of the most important things that any aspiring writer can do is to read widely and critically. By doing so, you’ll be able to see firsthand what works and what doesn’t work in writing. This includes everything from sentence structure and word choice to the pacing of a story and character development.

Reading widely also exposes you to different genres and styles of writing, which can help you develop your own unique voice. For example, if you’re interested in writing mystery novels, it’s important to read widely within that genre to see what techniques successful mystery writers use to keep their readers engaged.

However, it’s not enough to simply read widely – you also need to read critically. This means examining the choices that the writer made and thinking about why they made those choices. For example, if you’re reading a novel and you notice that the author uses short, choppy sentences during an action scene, ask yourself why they made that choice. Was it to create a sense of urgency? To make the scene feel more chaotic?

By reading widely and critically, you’ll develop a deeper understanding of the craft of writing, which will in turn make you a better writer. So the next time you pick up a book, take the time to analyze what the author is doing and think about how you can apply those techniques to your own writing.

10. Conclusion

In conclusion, good writing is a skill that can be learned and perfected with practice and dedication. The key to good writing is clarity, coherence, and conciseness. Your message should be clear, your thoughts should flow smoothly, and unnecessary words or phrases should be avoided. Good writing engages readers, creates a connection with them, and leaves a lasting impression. On the other hand, bad writing is often characterized by poor grammar, spelling mistakes, and a lack of structure. It can be confusing, difficult to follow, and ultimately fail to convey the intended message. Bad writing can be a turn-off for readers and may even harm your credibility and reputation. Remember, the way you write reflects who you are as a person or a brand. Whether you’re writing an email, a blog post, or a social media update, always strive for good writing. Take the time to proofread and edit your work, and seek feedback from others to improve. With these tips and examples in mind, you can become a better writer and communicate more effectively with your audience.

We hope that our comprehensive guide to good and bad writing has been helpful. Writing is a craft that takes time and practice to master, but by following the tips in this article, you can improve your writing skills and avoid common mistakes. Remember, good writing is clear, concise, and engaging, while bad writing is confusing, poorly structured, and uninteresting. We included examples of both good and bad writing to help you better understand what to do and what not to do. Keep practicing and refining your writing skills, and you’ll be able to communicate your ideas and thoughts more effectively.

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Mr. Waqas Sharif is an English Language Teaching (ELT) Professional, Trainer, and Course Instructor at a Public Sector Institute. He has more than ten years of Eng Language Teaching experience at the Graduate and Postgraduate level. His main interest is found in facilitating his students globally He wishes them to develop academic skills like Reading, Writing, and Communication mastery along with Basics of Functional Grammar, English Language, and Linguistics.

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Essay – examples & model answers | B2 First (FCE)

FCE Essay Examples:  Topic (Environment) 

Example exam task:, example answer (grade: 3), example answer:.

I think that my country has problems with pollution to the environment like all other countries. This problem is normal for Russia. We have big problems with transport because there are too much cars in our country. And because of that we have problems with atmospeer, air in my city and in all Russia is really dirty and sometimes I can’t make a sigh because it smells around me and of course around that cars on the road. I’ve heard about tradition of one country. They don’t go anywhere by car one day a month or a year, they just use bycicle or their feet. I think it could be very good if we had a tradition like that.

So, what about the rivers and the seas? Yeah, there are some really good and clean rivers and seas where you can go, but there are not many of them. Once I saw the river OB in my city, it was about two years ago but I stil remember that in some places it was not blue, it was green or purple I didn’t really understand because it had different colours.

I don’t know what should we do. Maybe we should just open our eyes and look what we did. But Russian people don’t care about the world around them many people care only about themselves an that’s all.

So, the best idea is look around and try to do something good for our planet and for us and our children.

FCE, CAE, CPE

Practice, write & improve, examiners comments & grade:, example answer (grade: 3-4).

To begin with pollution and damage to the environment is the most serious and difficult problem for countries of all over the world. Scientists of different countries predict a global ecocatastrophe if people won’t change their attitude to our planet.

First of all a huge damage to the environment brings a transport. People can’t imagine their living without cars, buses, trains, ships and planes. But it’s an open secret that one of disadvantage of these accustomed things is harmful exhaust. Needless to say that use of environment friendly engines helps us to save atmosphere from pollution.

In addition to this our rivers and seas are in not less danger situation. It’s a fact of common knowledge that numerous factories and plants pour off their waste to ponds. Obviously that cleaning manufacturing water helps to avoid extinction of ocean residents.

Apart from this I’m inclined to believe that every person can and must contribute to solving this important problem. Doing a little steps for protection our environment every day we will be able to save our Earth. And it’s a task of each of us.

Model Answer (Grade: 5)

DEVELOPMENT VS ENVIRONMENT

If we surf the web looking for pollution and environmental catastrophes, we will find out that every country in the world suffers them. This is a natural consequence of the struggle between development and environment.

If a country decided to live isolated from the rest of the world, living on what it can naturally grow and produce, it surely wouldn’t be highly polluted. But we all want exotic food and technological items from all over the world, so we have to pay the price.

Investing on electrical transport would benefit the environment a lot. Even more if this electricity came from a natural source of energy like wind, rivers and solar boards. It’s difficult to achieve this because petrol companies will fight against these actions.

We also have to take care of our rivers and seas. We all have heard about factories throwing highly toxic substances to rivers, without minimizing their poisoning effects. A really strict law should be applied to fine these factories and make them change their policy.

But what about ourselves? We also can do a lot! If, when possible, we bought larger packs of food, we would be producing less rubbish. And this is only an example!

FCE Essay Examples: Topic (Fashion) 

In today’s world, the fashion industry has a strong importance in people’s lives. The fashion industry say to the society what to wear and creates new types of clothes all the time.

Some people claim that the fashion industry has a bad effect on people’s lives, they say that the fashion industry creates clothes that the society has to wear. Furthermore, the clothes’ price is extremely high and people, who can’t afford it, should not be in the society.

In the other hand, the fashion industry guide the people to be in a good appearance, because, nowadays, the appearance of the person is more important than the person itself.

In my opinion, the fashion industry doesn’t has a bad influence on people’s lives. It’s something which was created to help people what to wear.

Example Answer (Grade: 4)

Fashion industry is very a discussed subject nowadays: they create and design new clothes everyday in order to satisfy some people needs.

There are many people who claim that the fashion industry is important and good for society. According to them, this industry design beautiful clothes and thanks to that every person can wear shirts, trousers or any acessory which is on today’s fashion.

On the other hand, the fashion industry in some people opinion, controls the market of clothes and because of that they can’t wear what they want to. In addition, the industry can increase the price of clothes, forcing people who don’t want to be “oldfashioned” to buy and pay a large amount of money to keep “beautiful”.

In my opinion, we can’t let the fashion industry decide what we must or musn’t wear. We shouldn’t judge people for its appearance,because that is not important. We must wear whatever we like, want and feel confortable with.

The society we live today is characterised by technology in constant development, fast speed processes, information travelling and getting to people at a blink of an eye and a complex web of social networking. In this context, the fashion industry is becoming increasingly important and having a more and more paramount role in our lives.

On one hand, the fashion industry is undeniably a source of profit and income. It hires millions of people all over the world and generates millions of dollars every year. Furthermore, such profitable business is also believed to be able to spread and make known the culture of a people, encouraging and enhancing a better understanding of each other.

Nevertheless, for those who are neither impressed nor motivated by numbers and figures, the fashion industry is seen as one which segregates people, isolating those who not fit their laws and commands. It is stated that people place too much importance on appearance and the material, world, sadly true, and the fashion industry just spurs on such situation. Moreover, not only are the costs of fashion item unrealistically high, it is thought to be a money better spent on more pressing issues, such as poverty and hunger.

I do believe that the fashion industry, as it is today, has a harmful effect, because it values a minority of people in detriment to the majority. However, it has such a wide reach that, it put into a good use, it can save lives.

FCE Essay Examples: Topic (Languages) 

“There are more reasons to learn a foreign language than to pass a test”

Everything around us revolves around language(s), it is the most important thing in our lives. Society would just not function without it. They are It is our future and I would personaly love to learn as many as I possibly can.

Not everything in life is done because it is necessary. Learning a new language can be a lot of fun. Many people only do it as a hoby, or their knowledge is something that brings them pride and pleasure.

Secondly, we have people who do it simply to challenge themselves. Truly I believe that having a great outcome that stems from your hard work and dedication to learn something new is a wonderful way to challenge prove your ability to yourself and others. Then there is travelling. It is very important to be able to understand and have a conversation with someone abroad, unless you would like to get lost or worse.

To conclude, I think that learning a new language is an amazing thing no matter why you do it. It is always better to do things out of enjoyment, but even if you do it for a test, that knowledge will always be useful.

Learning a a foreign languages is very important nowadays. English, in particular, is essential because it allows is spoken all over the world. That’s the reason why we start studying it from the age of six years old. Going abroad and being able to speak to native people is very satisfying and that’s why I want to improve my knowledge about foreign languages.

I decided to take this exam to know how high my level of English is, but also because I need this certification to go abroad next summer. I really want to come back to Cornwall, an amazing region in the South-West of England. I’ve been there twice with my family, but now I want to go alone. Only being there to England I can really improve my English comprehension and speaking skills.

Fortunately I can will have some English lessons which taught in English at university and I can’t wait for it because it will be an interesting challenge for me. Studying foreign languages is essential to live and to travel. It isn’t simple and I surely have to challenge myself everyday, but the result is so satisfying that we I can’t do without it.

FCE Essay Example: Topic (History) 

A very common topic that is being discussed nowadays is wether schools should teach subjects that some may consider useless later in life. A clear example is history, since it is quite difficult to learn and does not help us in day-to-day activities.

However, many people do not realize the importance of it or that it affects our lives today. For example, our political system would not be this way if it weren’t for the Ancient Greeks, numerous politicians and wars who helped shape democracy and our constitution. Yet it is still thought that it’s useless.

In addition, it is very important that we never forget about our past since we must know where we were standing years ago. Moreover, there are some things, such as World War II, that we have to remember to prevent them from happening again. We should also know where we we were standing a century ago: our origins, our identity. The more you learn about your ethnicity, the better.

All in all, I think that it is extremely important to learn about one’s own country’s history. Anyone who gets the chance to do this should not waste it, since they are very fortunate to have this opportunity

Would you pass B2 First (FCE)?

Death Penalty Cruel or Unusual Punishment?

This essay about the ethical and legal dimensions of the death penalty explores the intense debates surrounding its use. It examines the historical context, arguments from both supporters and opponents, and the constitutional implications, particularly in light of U.S. Supreme Court decisions. Advocates argue for its deterrent effect and justice for victims, while critics condemn its inhumanity and potential for wrongful convictions. The essay concludes that as societal values evolve, so will the discourse on the morality and legality of capital punishment.

How it works

In the labyrinthine corridors of legal discourse, few issues evoke as much impassioned debate as the question of the death penalty’s ethical standing. At its heart lies a profound inquiry: Does the death penalty constitute a form of cruel or unusual punishment? This essay embarks on a journey through the labyrinth of arguments surrounding this contentious issue, shedding light on the myriad ethical and legal considerations that underpin the debate.

Historical Context: Throughout the annals of human history, civilizations have grappled with the challenge of devising just and equitable responses to the most egregious transgressions.

The death penalty, woven into the tapestry of legal traditions, has long been regarded as a deterrent against heinous crimes and a means of societal retribution. Yet, as societal values evolve and consciousness of human rights deepens, the moral legitimacy of capital punishment has increasingly come into question.

Advocates’ Assertions: Proponents of the death penalty ardently defend its utility as a deterrent against the gravest offenses, contending that the specter of ultimate punishment serves as a potent deterrent to potential wrongdoers. They argue that the imposition of capital punishment is not only morally justifiable but essential in upholding the social contract and preserving public safety. Moreover, proponents assert that executing perpetrators offers a modicum of closure and vindication to the grieving families of victims, providing a semblance of justice in the wake of tragedy.

Additionally, proponents underscore the rigorous procedural safeguards and exhaustive legal scrutiny inherent in death penalty cases, mitigating the risk of miscarriages of justice and ensuring due process. From their perspective, the imposition of the death penalty is not cruel or unusual but rather a measured response to the most egregious acts, reaffirming societal norms and upholding the sanctity of the law.

Opponents’ Assertions: Conversely, opponents of the death penalty decry it as a barbaric relic of antiquity, arguing that state-sanctioned killing violates the fundamental tenets of human dignity and individual rights. They contend that no civilized society can countenance the deliberate extinguishment of life, regardless of the severity of the offense committed. Moreover, opponents highlight the systemic flaws and biases ingrained within the legal system, which exacerbate the risk of wrongful convictions and perpetuate injustices.

Critics further emphasize the evolving standards of decency and global consensus against the death penalty, with the majority of nations either abolishing or imposing moratoriums on its use. They posit that the practice not only contravenes the Eighth Amendment’s prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment but also tarnishes the moral integrity of the state and undermines its commitment to human rights.

Legal and Ethical Reflections: From a legal standpoint, the constitutionality of the death penalty hinges on nuanced interpretations of constitutional provisions and landmark judicial precedents. The Supreme Court’s jurisprudence, exemplified by seminal cases such as Furman v. Georgia and Gregg v. Georgia, underscores the delicate balance between the state’s authority to administer justice and its obligation to protect individual liberties.

Ethically, the death penalty raises profound philosophical questions about the nature of justice, the sanctity of life, and the moral responsibilities of society. Philosophical perspectives diverge, with some advocating for retributive justice and others championing restorative approaches grounded in rehabilitation and redemption.

Conclusion: In conclusion, the debate surrounding the death penalty encapsulates the moral and legal complexities that define the quest for justice in contemporary society. While proponents extol its virtues as a deterrent and symbol of retribution, opponents denounce it as a violation of human rights and an affront to civilized values. As societal attitudes continue to evolve and consciousness of human rights deepens, the discourse surrounding the death penalty will undoubtedly persist, prompting ongoing introspection and reevaluation of our collective moral compass. Ultimately, the pursuit of justice demands a nuanced understanding of the ethical and legal considerations inherent in capital punishment, ensuring that the scales of justice are balanced with compassion, equity, and humanity.

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"Death Penalty Cruel Or Unusual Punishment?." PapersOwl.com, Apr 29, 2024. Accessed April 29, 2024. https://papersowl.com/examples/death-penalty-cruel-or-unusual-punishment/

"Death Penalty Cruel Or Unusual Punishment?," PapersOwl.com , 29-Apr-2024. [Online]. Available: https://papersowl.com/examples/death-penalty-cruel-or-unusual-punishment/. [Accessed: 29-Apr-2024]

PapersOwl.com. (2024). Death Penalty Cruel Or Unusual Punishment? . [Online]. Available at: https://papersowl.com/examples/death-penalty-cruel-or-unusual-punishment/ [Accessed: 29-Apr-2024]

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