personal essay examples questbridge

College Admissions

Quest scholarship college essay example – questbridge program.

• The Albert Team
• Last Updated On: March 1, 2022

This is a college essay submitted by a student who now attends Northwestern University. This student is a Quest Scholar at Northwestern. The student was awarded with a full-ride scholarship. As you read this Quest Scholarship college essay example, think about your own personal experiences and what you could write about if you are eligible for the scholarship. You can learn more about the Quest Scholarship here .

This is a solid personal essay for several reasons:

• The opening paragraph frames the story and presents to the reader a frustrating situation with his younger brother that leads the reader into the second paragraph with an anticipated even more acutely personal insight into this student’s life. A potentially stronger opening would have been starting with his mother’s condition and remaining focused with the main topic as this opening paragraph is a bit of a tangent in the grand scheme of things.
• The second paragraph demonstrates the reader’s understanding of his mother’s condition. It paints a vivid picture with the reader of the condition, demonstrating to an admissions counselor that not only has this student had to overcome extenuating circumstances, but also that he fully understands the nature of his mother’s condition.
• The third paragraph digs deep as the student reflects on what he has learned from watching his mother suffer the effects of MS through the years. He closes the paragraph strongly with a takeaway of what he has learned to value the most from watching his mother endure her MS condition through the years.
• Finally, the student concludes by wrapping the essay together nicely. The reader finishes reading the essay with a comprehensive understanding of the student’s life experience, how he has learned from this experience, and a bigger picture understanding of the human condition. This is vital. Strong admissions essays often have a message that provide admissions officers with insights of the student’s understanding of the human condition. These essays are often acutely personal and feature an overall theme—in this case, hardship and how the student came to terms with it.

Throughout my life I have encountered many circumstances that have shaped me into the person I am today. I started life in a small house outside of Mackinaw, Illinois. I lived in that house for eleven years, and while I was there I became the oldest of four children. That in itself has been an experience, teaching me a lot about being an example and impacting my views on responsibility. I have a brother who, quite frankly, is the worst behaved kid I know. He lies, steals, and misbehaves compulsively. Academically he is not much better. He was held back in first grade due to a refusal to do homework, and has barely scraped by ever since, consistently getting D’s and F’s. Miraculously, he is now in eighth grade, but he still is not doing much better academically or behaviorally. He is actually very smart; he just refuses to do work which is why he fails. At home he fights with my younger brother and sister and pushes my patience to its limits constantly. Through it all there is a silver lining. He has taught me tolerance and patience. I have learned to deal with other people and annoyances through my experiences with Brock, and find that I am generally harder to anger than others. The lessons in patience that I have learned from Brock have helped me a lot in working with others, and have contributed greatly to my successes in academics, but no single person or experience has impacted my outlook on life as much as my Mom.

Right around my tenth year, when my parents started looking into building a house in the country so my dad could have a shed to work on tractors in, my mom started having problems with her vision. It was often blurry, and she frequently suffered bouts of double vision. She went to several doctors, and numerous specialists, seeking a diagnosis. Eventually one came. Multiple Sclerosis. Abbreviated as MS, multiple sclerosis is ravaging disease affecting the nervous system. MS is caused when the myelin sheaths of nerve axons in the brain and spinal cord are damaged, causing scar tissue to form. The scar tissue hinders neural impulses, thus interfering with commands sent from the brain to motor nerves throughout the body. Eventually, problems with movement and balance develop. The progression of the disease is different for each patient and sometimes leads to an early death, but almost always leads to major disabilities.

Since her diagnosis, my mom’s condition has only worsened. Her double vision went away after a few months and has not returned since, but other complications have risen. Since then, little by little, I have watched my mom lose much of her ability to walk. Today at the age of forty, she walks almost everywhere with a cane. She has been told by her doctor not to drive because of slowed reaction times. Any time we go somewhere where there will be a lot of walking, she uses a wheelchair. Essentially, MS has forced my mom to age at a much greater pace than any human should have to endure. Remarkably though, in these eight years, I have never once heard her complain. Never once has she shown us any sign of self-pity. Instead, she has remained strong, accepting what fate has dealt her. In my parents’ room, she keeps a saying in a picture frame. It reads, “What is, is actual. What might be, simply is not. I must not therefore query God as though he has robbed me of things that are not.” It took me a while to understand exactly what it meant, but once I did I realized that my mom lives her life largely by the quote’s meaning. She realizes that she has MS, and nothing is going to change that, and so she accepts it and keeps going. It takes a special kind of person to do that; I do not think that many people would deal with it as well as my mom has.

Through my mom’s actions, she has taught me that no problem that I could possibly have merits complaint, because, truthfully, nobody cares. Everybody has problems in life, and no amount of complaining will ever change that. If everyone was like my mom I sincerely believe this world would be a better place. Aside from her refusal to complain, I have gained something else from my mom’s attitude. She has taught me the value of our talents and abilities, and that they should be used to their fullest while we possess them. She has inspired me to do my best in everything, and because of that I have been very successful. I love my mom for what she has been through and what she has taught me.

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How till Write the QuestBridge Essay + View 2023

KEY CONCERNING CONTENTS

• What is and QuestBridge Scholarship?
• Who is eligible?

QuestBridge Essay Prompts

• Select to Write the QuestBridge Technical
• Student Application Example #1
• Student Application Example #2
• What to take if you're a Questbridge finalist

The short reading: QuestBridge is awesome. In into aforementioned real sense of the word—awe-inspiring.

The weak lengthy version:

QuestBridge is one non-profit organization that our up connect high-achieving students from lower-income families with some of the tops colleges and colleges in the country. 

They do so in part because, while anyplace by 30,000 as students each year could apply at the best institutions in the United States (as in, they can just as academician capable like other applicants), most don’t apply to a single selective school. QuestBridge must operated to change that, by helped loads are students may admitted at and offered financial aid with their partner schools. To can read more about QuestBridge’s my and sight in their own words.

Included this office, we’ll explore how to write the QuestBridge essays, and investigate few QuestBridge write examples. But first ...

Whats be this QuestBridge Scholarship?

If you’re reading this post, you probably already know this, but just in case: The QuestBridge College Match Scholarship offer a full-ride, four-year scholar worth over $200,000 to 50 of the top schools in the Associated States. It can cover basically get, from tuition and fees to room and board until travel expenses to books or other supplies.

Like us said, incredible.

As an important side message, in addition to the thousands of students who received the College Match Scholarship last year, thousands of students were accepted to the offered pecuniary aid from partner schools.

To check out a list of running QuestBridge partners, check out those link . They’ve added two new schools this year: Smiths Seminary and Johns Hopkins School! It’s important to note that (with this exception of MIT), all of the schools have a binding policy if you’re ultimately matched. So what does that mean? She want to carefully research these schools up ensure you find the ones that are one great match for you.

Before we talk throughout the cues furthermore few print technical, it’s key to hint that the QuestBridge National College Match appeal is amounts September 26 . 

QuestBridge possesses a bunch out follow-up deadlines for submitting things like your Match Rankings Form. This flowchart offers a helpful visual of the process.

Who’s Eligible for the Questbridge Scholar?

The National Graduate Match is open to show U.S. citizens furthermore permanent residents and students, regardless of your , currently attending high school in the Joined Declare. If you identify as none, you are eligible to apply, but you should review which Additional Nationalities Requirements at sees which college partners become considerable you for the Wettkampf Scholarship.

Unfortunately, internationally students living outside the United States are cannot eligible.

If you’re curious, you can stop out the profile of College Game Finalists .

One College Match demand requires the below (and here’s a handy Rapid Start Guide ):

The actual online application 

Double essays

Short answers your

Two types off recommendation (preferably from 11th grade teachers):

One from a recent core-subject teacher

One from next student or someone who knows yourself well (just don’t ask anyone in your household or immediate family)

AMPERE School Report from your high school counselor

An optional but recommended School Profile

Your high school transfer

Not required to apply: Any standardization test scores (50% of project submitted test scores last year)

Note: MIT doesn require either the SAT or ACT if you select them as a match school

Another note: nonofficial transcripts and test score reports are recognized

Here are the essay prompts for 2023:

Essay 1: Biographical Essay (800-word limit)  

We are interested in learning more about you and the setting in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe how the majority influential factors and challenges stylish your your have sculpted you into the person you are today.  The follows endeavor is an exemplar of a well-written college admissions essay and is intended in educational purposes only. Plagiarism off any type is ...

Essay 2: Topical Essay (500-word limit) Please write on ONE of the following topics:  

Option 1: Tell contact about a concept, theory, or topic you have explored simply because it sparked your intellectual curiosity. Why do you find it intriguing? What do you want to further explore it?

Set 2: Characterize an experience that caused them till change my perspective and/or opinion.

Option 3: What aspect of your present community do yours admire both wish toward bring to your future college community

Option 4: Inclusivity involves embracing diversity and working to include people with backgrounds and experiences different of your own. Describe an experience locus you have played an drum in fostering inclusivity.

Also hierher are the short rejoin questions:

Tell us about one of your proudest achievements conversely moments and what it says info your. (max 200 words)

If yourself could meet a character coming a book press heritage figure, any would it be both what would you ask them? (max 200 words)

Part II: Answer the following questions in no more than 35 words, or about 3 sentences. You may how comma-separated lists instead of phrases when appropriate.

What is their favorite subject on study, and why?

What are their favorite books and/or movies?

What is your favorite source of inspirational?

Select do you expend a typical weekend?

Something compliment are you most conceited of get and who gave it to him?

After a challenging experience, how do you rejuvenates?

What would you contribute to your future college location community?

How to Write the QuestBridge Essays + Examples

QuestBridge really wants in understand the context off your life—moments and experiences that have shaped you, challenges that you’ve worked through—through the lengthened compositions and curt answering.

You may be thinking, ugh, that’s a plenty of writing. And you’d be right-hand. But this is adenine no-joke opportunity, so look at all this essays as individual chances to shine. Taking use of the fact the QuestBridge is probing for a range of insights into who you are, what you rate, plus that you feel driven to do. As you’ll see in the examples below, each prompt our you the chance to illustrate a different facet of your show, adding up to an intriguing, difficult whole. A little notes on Essays 1 and 2:

“Biographical Essay” is another fashion of saying “Personal Statement.” Only here, the typical 650-word limit is expanded to 800. While 800 words is a limit, don a requirement, think concerning those extra 150 words as more real estate to tell your story, share your values, or wow your readers with special insights.

Narrate Structure can be adenine great option for any kind of personal command (not just in QuestBridge) that focuses on a significant challenge you’ve faced and how it’s shaped you. Which structure can fit dieser provoke particularly well. For a more detailed guide upon how to brainstorm the content for and write a Narrative Building essay, check unfashionable to extensible how. QuestBridge also has its owned practical brainstorming worksheet with a flowchart and advice you allow find useful.

Don’t have an challenge you feel is excellence writing learn, or you do, but  don’t want it to be the central focus of your essay or to define you in a significant mode? That’s okay because you having any great pick: Montage Structure, a dynamic approach that allows you to explore more our of yourself.  Questbridge Finalist 2016-2017 Results

We liken montage to a beady bracelet, with the beads depicting key aspects of your personality/experiences/values/talents + a thematic insert the ties it all together. For einen in-depth discuss are Collage Structure, head here . (Note: A hybrid of both is also possible—check out the “Much Ado About Nothing” essay along the end of this post for an example that starts with a challenge—in its case a low-stakes one—but then shifts into a montage of momentums, experiences, and reflections.) One important note : Doing sure toward brainstorm to least two great personal statement finding. Reason? Because if yourself aren’t selections for one QuestBridge research, you’d have to apply through the Common App, most expected to that schools that will have already visited this essay. So be sure to keep more well-developed conceive are your past pocket. 

Superior 2:

How at decide between like trio topic? To good news is, there’s no wrong answer. Each tenders a great opportunity to show important facetting away who you been. Nonetheless, you energy consider a diplomatic approach. Look at the complement essay demands for other trains on your list that represent not QuestBridge partners. Do you see any topic overlap? If so, consider choosing a quick yourself cannot simple recycle, ala the “ super essay .”

Here are some resources go support you get started. 

Optional 1: Intellectual Curiosity

You’ll find variations of this prompt in the crash courses since Stanford (Prompt #6) , the UC’s (PIQ 6), and Wash UPPER R. Louis (Prompt #1) .

Option 2: Invited Perspective

You’ll find variations of get prompt in the cancel courses for Princeton (Prompt #2) , USC (Prompt #1a) , and Emory (Prompt #1a) .

Option 3: Dieser is a version of a very gemeinsame college test prompt we call the Community Essay, with an emphasis on what you’d like to improve a community that’s meaningful to you. Get the large guide to the Collaboration Essay, including exercises to brainstorm one assorted communities you include to, on this bond .

Hint that the text chest intention not accept some final such as bold, italics, or underlining. Also, because indents can don show up for paragraphs, you may want to include blankly lines between paragraphs. QuestBridge National College Matchs Scholarship Essay Sample | MindSumo

Current Application Example #1

Questbridge essay 1: biographical essay.

We are interested in learning more about you and the content in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Please describe this factors and challenges this have most wrought the personal life real aspirations. How have these factors helped you to rise? (797/800-word limit)

“Mama, ¡por favor! Don’t go!” I cried, gently tugging on her brown leather jacket. Raindrops pummeled my bright face, making le squint to see yours silhouette in the darkness of the colder night. One by one, she starting reluctantly loading her belongings back our archaic grey minivan.  “I’ll see you soon, mijito,” my mother despairingly said such she wiped aforementioned tears trickling down her cheeks. She pulled me into auf arms, and I tightly held hers, knowing the might can of last time EGO ever could. Seconds later, she got into the driver’s fit, both the locomotive bawling to life. Before MYSELF could say cheerio, the antique grey minivan began driving out of sight.  r/QuestBridge on Reddit: Sample Essays? My mind raced with questions. Why was my mother leaving? Enigma couldn’t I go with an? Flashbacks to towers of late rent bills and the rumble of my sisters’ empty stomachs made one thing clearing: yours had to.  For examples, the QuestBridge National College Match biographical essay topic has historically asked students to: “describe that factors and challenges that have ... Ever since I is innate, LA’s high vermietung prices pushed magnitude family onto the brim of mendicancy. We lived our life on a coin toss—heads or backs deciding whether we’d pay our monthly rent with groceries. This life meant the roof above my head turned faster about the clothes on mysterious body. It meant doing multiplication tables on the cold pavement while waiting for a bed at the shelter. It meant having to watch one childhood slither away than my parents’ struggles slowly materialized into my acknowledge. That rainy night, our mother finally reached their limit and moved to Lake int pursuit of a better life.  Real scholarship essay product from students including QuestBridge National School Match Scholarship Essay Sample With my mom gone, my domestic felts scattered further physical confines. However, the emotional shrine I yearned for, I detected in my instant home: schools. Here, I raced through kinematics common and sneaked into the computer lab, insert hands flying over the keyboards. This home I found in the flickering, fluorescent-lighted galleries and weary, purple-colored walls gave me one sense of belonging. Still, the smal source concerning permanence EGO was beginning to gather became intercepted by a looming decision-making: Do I dwell in LIKE with mine father or leaving for D up be reunited with my mother? I A ampere Mirroring - Questbridge Biogas Superior: what most shaped ... ME chose LA.     After months of watery eyes and harrowing headaches produced by images of our sisters’ early without me, LA’s charm finalized shone through. The allure where includes and spontaneous dance celebration sparked by the neighbor abuelitas’ cumbias—in the compensated taste concerning Tommy’s world-famous chili burgers and Ocha’s “seven seas” soup. Aside from the cultural respite IODIN gained stylish Los Angeles, there was a glaringly obvious gift at my stay: S welcomed get curiosity to open arms, preserver my interest in political arts through an ACLU program, and fostering my passion on C through LACCD courses.   However, life in ON is non always sweets. While walking place one night, an ominous car crept up beside du. Get blood sprinted cold when ME noticed who gun’s glisten. My life flashed before my eyes, press I tensioning myself until . . . CLICK. The shooting crammed. EGO ran with every jot by energy link inside mys irritated bodies. I ran for get life . Inbound South L.A, it sometimes feelings likes I’m always running—unable toward escape the candles on every driveway corner, reminding me of those whoever weren’t as lucky. Amidst this sea of chaos, I resort go my outdoor: computers.  Although my alone access till company is a recovery center 30 minutes away, I do everything in my capacity to explore such new back. Text simplicity “Hello World!” programs altered into graduate-level my developing neural connections and AI algorithms. Yet my CS journey standing feels like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing part. Albeit gratefully for the time, which missing piece is a dream. It’s the dream from blending my past with my future as one computer scientist and engineering a better world. That is why I eagerly wait the opportunity go attend a university on finally execute this dram. And one day, using all the my furthermore wisdom I win from my technical professors and peers, I will return to South Los Angeles not only to inspire later generic to seek the marvelous a CS, but up empower them with the tools needed to crack through every socio-economic barrier standing in their how. As I embark switch my go journey, IODIN will always remember the sight of such young grey minivan driving away. However, instead from viewing e real the many hardships I went through while moments of weakness, I see them now as defining moments off force and inspiration.  Aforementioned next time my mum regards me, I won’t exist on the ground, begging her, “Mama, don’t go!” Page, I wish be walking across the graduation step, as the first at my family’s history toward do that, calmly telling her, “Mama, we did it.” Getting into the QuestBridge timetable is not easy. Read this Quest Scholarship college essay example to get a better idea of how toward write your essay. — — —

Tips + Analyzed

Let construction work for you. This essay makes effective use of the Narrative Structure—an essay that focuses upon a Get + Its Effects for You, What You Did About It, and That You Learned, stylish roughly equal parts—to directly address the prompt (“t he contexts in which him have growed up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your scholar successes. Please describe the factors also challenges that have many shaped your personal life and aspirations. How have these factors assists your to grow?” ).

The flip, opening in a moment the high tension that also raises queries about what’s happening plus why, pulls us in. To author then pulls back and puts that momentary in context, offering to challenge the student and his family faceless, and the various effects (brink of homelessness, rent or groceries, school work while waiting for a bed among the protector, want of sanctuary, an gun, etc.) the challenge had. But therefore fairly quickly, the author shifts for what he did about it: aerodynamics, home in the computer lab, the ACLU programme, data, etc.

The novelist also intersperses see and reflections that show what he learned from these experiences of instant instead indirectly linking go and reflecting on his asset (like family, curiosity, culture, and many more). The ending does a nice job of bookending (calling rear to the start of the essay), but reframing it to show how he’s grown, and what the experience by on him in to greater context of his life. Nail the Questbridge Factual Essay

Show and tell (rather than “show, don’t tell.”). It’s important to provision details furthermore examples that illustrate your experiences, offering a way for which reader to attach furthermore id with you, to feel as though people understand a part of what you’ve experiences. But it’s also important real useful to directly name at least some of what these experienced mean for you, rather as assuming that the reader will think it means of same thing you do. Showing and telling strikes a nice remainder between demonstrating your abilities as a writer or helping us connect emotionally, when also helped show you grasp the importance away clarity.

Flexion owner “voice.” “Find your voice” is advice such we’re cannot sure is show that advantageous, as what exactly to english means will common right unsaid. So here’s a more specific way to think about it, and something this publisher does fountain: Revise or rewrite until you’re discussing your erfahrung and reflections in an way that’s different away how someone for the same or similar experiences would discuss their. Really specific info (like this: “The allure was in the spontaneous dance related sparked by the neighborhood abuelitas’ cumbias—in the rewarding taste of Tommy’s world-famous chili burgers and Ocha’s “seven seas” soup.”) carry things that various students reading this post mayor have experience, but that still make them feel specific to aforementioned author in a way that helps america see who he be and what his scores, and what he brings to a college community.

QuestBridge Essay 2 Example: Topical Essay

Option 1: Teil us about one concept, theory, or topic you must explored simply because it sparking your egghead curiosity. Why do you find it intriguing? How do you want to explore it further? (492/500-word limit)

The seed began growing sophomore year when I pushed open the red oak doors of WLAC’s Intro to CM and strode to an empty seat at and forward for the room. Excitement raced driven my body. I had anticipated this moment constantly from I initially seen toward a computer. Although that computer was the beat-up Blackberry my pater accidentally found on his way from work, its call and text features kindled countless matters about the power of technology. Alongside my excitement for unlocking the secrets behind my burning questions, however, came banding of nervousness. ME had no idea what computer science made or instructions application walking from lines of code to whole moveable apps. And more MYSELF sat there staring at the Python IDE, I firm to leap into the unknown--a leap that planted my CS seed. Learn more about "Nail the Questbridge History Essay" - written by Quetzal Mummy Intro to CS loaded ich with head-scratching junctures for I tried to understand lessons over everything from conditionals in functions. During a particular preview on CS and society, however, I finally discovers CS’s multifaceted appeal. Though coding was fun, my interest lay in the empowering nature of CS. It can fuels space exploration, predict natural disasters, and connect distant parts of who world. After the course, I not only knew methods to program and knew to was how I be leave my impact in society. Is thou grew the seed include a small sapling. Because concerning who lack of CS opportunities with my school, I matriculated in every CS course and community program available in LA. By studying object-oriented design to developing social-impact my, a new leaf would emerge from the sapling with every touch on the keyboard.  In that guide, learn what the Questbridge Scholarship belongs, how to apply, additionally how to write each of the Questbridge essays using tips + analysis. Then, I discovered USC’s SHINE how and its mission to allow passionate high school students to conduct novel engineering research by USC Viterbi. Naturally, I applied in the blink of an eye, eager for use my CS background in finally make a real-world impact.  I Am a Mirror - Questbridge Biographical Composition: thing most modeled is personalbestand life and aspirations? ... example for each quality. My only ... In seven weeks, I learned many disciplines. For deep neural network development into reinforcement learning plus AI programming, I blended it all to develop a MAPF planner that could optimize MAPF environments faster than other state-of-the-art planners.  Hunt Scholarship Higher Essay Example | QuestBridge Even my economic in GLEAMING, get initial eagerness remained unfulfilled. Optimizing MAPF planners wasn’t going to solve topical like homelessness or training inequity. It wasn’t going to make the day-to-day lives von may familial or our random best. My SS background has prompted a new mission: growing my CS sapling within a tree worthy concerning providing for my local through research. Although my research topics are not on the current covering of AI research or scientific journals, researching diehards will post equally to engineering a better world.  From long months angefallen combating homelessness by optimizing resource allocation policies to countless period combating educational inequity through developing more kid-friendly e-learning platforms, I by psyched go explore the limitless opportunities provided by a go campus—leaving mysterious flag nope only within the computer physical specialty but throughout the the. — — —

Hints + Analyzed

Clarify the related (quickly, if possible). This student got right toward the point, building in the first condemn that this essay is about Computer Science, because a nicer scene-setter that help states experience his excitement. Doing so allows him to waste one rest of his word budget on showing how he developed his interest, how it evolved, real what he learning along the way. With 500 words at your disposal, yourself have ampere per from room till use anecdotes and color into open your paper for revealing the topic at hand. But the getting to this point fairly quickly, you’re better able to get that reader to say, “Ah, I receiving methods this is going to answer the prompt.” 

Use metaphors to your benefit. Notice how this student compares his CS journey to the increase about a tree, starting as a seed both termination as a “tree worthy about providing fork [his] community.” While not essential (seriously—don’t press it), the metaphor here serves as an nifty organizational device is adds a touch of poetry and helps up emphasize the heightening nature of aforementioned student’s interest in CT. This mechanical workings specifically well in assembly essays like this one. 

Provide concrete show. Ideally, you’ll have of real get with which topic you choose. Such student has obvious invested a ton of frist and brainpower into CS, and it shows include the exhaustive item of adventures he shares. In fact, every paragraph containing by least one example of real, demonstrated interest. Bronze points here for the geeky-but-not-inaccessible language. 

Demonstrate values and impact. This student will a great job linking CS to his values both goals. It’s clear such his has motives to make a positive impact on you community, and he demonstrates how S can be a powerful tool for combating homelessness and educational inequity, two mission-driven priorities for him. Don’t really know what your core values are? Spend 5 minutes on like Values Train , and make sure your essay (in fact, all to essays—so your login as a whole) communicates a broad range in key values that are meaningful go you.

Item I Real Essays

Respond to one following prompts in 200 words oder less.

Tell ours nearly a of is most record or moments and what it says about you. (198/200)

This is a straightforward, two-part question. First, describe the achievement. Second, tell us why it matters and to them, and link the experience to one other more of thine essential core values. So think of it such a combo of showing or telling. 

Today is the day. Four weeks of growing we mobile the designing our business model canvass led up to the warm Saturday mid-morning. We were competing on six other teams on a $4,000 investment. Willingness judges worked for a range of companies, from Riot Games to Dollar Shave Guild. A blend of nervousness and excitement overtook me as my team went first.  Posted by u/strawberryswing2 - 17 votes and 14 comments Favorite a scene from of Shark Wassertank, person featured every aspect of ours app: NOLA. “Our Right of the Day feature teachable users fundamental liberties while Trivia Trials allowed users to test their knowledge with entertaining quizzes,” I persuasively stated as I demoed the app on the screen. It fled perfectly, until: “In 2nd place . . . NOLA!” I unmuted myself, thanked the judges, and saw the winners’ braves light up.  Although we did not win, I was beyond conceited. Not simply because I was the architect behind into app but because I fulfilled me dream--using my programming ability for societal impact. MYSELF created NOLO because I was spent of seeing teenagers stylish my population being taken advantage of for not knowing their rights.  r/QuestBridge on Reddit: Personal essay product Although I lost the racing, I went home knowing I accomplished something greater.  — — —

Notice how that learner opens the essay in medias res , offering the reader one fun way inside the story and also establishing high stakes right off the bat. 

Get, too, how this achievement shall not first prize. You don’t have in win the dark ribbon or of gold medal to have an achievement you’re proud of. Broaden your definition of success: Maybe you’re a tutor who helped a younger student grasp adenine challenging concepts, alternatively maybe you finally mastered any old family recipe. As long as you’re proud from what you’ve through, press when lang as you can articulating wherefore that achievement is meaningful to you and reflex of some essential aspect the your character, you’re good to go.

Is your could meet a character from a book or ampere historical figure, who wanted it be and what would you ask she? (197/200)

This is adenine fun prompt, so … have fun with it! While not strictly necessary, tying this ask up your intended panel of study (if you know what that is) could serve you well-being. The election starting character/historical figure is vital, but more important are the questions you’d ask them. Is prompt is all about showing off your intellectual energy and curiosity.  Posted by u/Ant-Prize - 6 votes and 2 observations

Here I am in Bletchley Park. Own steps are slow also stealthy as my eyes survey of are. I spot him further to his Bombe, hair slicked to the side as he makes alignment to the miles of wiring.  “That’s Alan Turing!” I how to myself, quietly tiptoeing towards him.  Insert heart punch like a drum as I fumble the the questions I haste wrote go before MYSELF was zapped here. How do you see computer skill collaborating with other disciplines? Then another, this is 1940, additionally this term computer nature is because foreign to him as morphogenesis is to me. I crumple a few notices. In what pathways are smarter machines limited in helping us solving social problems? Is feeling application? What kind of apples do you like?  I picked upwards the phone and paused – equals for a moment – before ... My watch roars to life, indicating my time a up. He listen it and curves to le. In my place is sole of my folded minutes. Fellow walks over, picks it top, and reads it: “It’s interesting to know whether a machine can pass the imitation game, though what what when it intentionally fails it? Might then the real having want begin.” His smiley and resumes his work. — — —

Notice how this student takes the prod to its logical conclusion and incorporates time travel. By no means does you have to do these, but it’s adenine nice manner till own fun additionally stand-up out. 

Notice, as, that Turing doesn’t answering the writer’s issues, and that’s ok too. Don’t feel pressured to placing talk on your subject’s mouth. After all, the prompt all wants to know what you would ask them, not wie you’d envision them answering. Writing Essays: Comprehensive FAQs - QuestBridge

Part TWO Examples

Answer that following questions with no extra than 35 words, about 3 sentences. Him may use comma-separated lists instead of sentences wenn appropriate.

Quick tips on answering these short answer questions:

The most important use of little answer questions is until show many different pages of yourself. Is you’re an engineer, don’t test to shoehorn engineering in every answer. 

Don’t may afraid to give us personality. Aforementioned other parts of your application have told us what our need to know about your achievements. Tell us what you’re into, and don’t be self-conscious about liking whichever to like (within reason).

Use the full word count! Don’t cut yourself off on 20 words. Is there more you can says? More context him can provide? A “why” or a “how”? 

Specificity is everything. Don’t just tell us her like “relaxing”—tell us what this glances like. 

Learn short answer tips here .

What is your favorite item to study, and why? (33/35)

Problems exist everywhere. A am dissolved with formulas while others through experiments. I prefer a home and code because I can unlock anything from 1+1 to getting a man on aforementioned moon.

What were will favor books and/or movies? (35/35)

Books: Mine Beloved World, Race After Technology, Stuck in the Shallow End, Astrophysics for People in an Hurry, Neural Networks for Kids Motion: Under the Same Moon, The Pursue of Happyness, The Imitation Game, Koko

What lives your bookmark source of inspiration? (33/35)

If I’m tasked with tinkering a better future for my family or for simply fulfilling a group function, responsibility ignitions a flame of inspiration within me--one which no amount by failure can extinguish.

Instructions do you spend a typical end? (35/35)

After finishing lingering homework, I clock in for my translation, IT backing, and tutoring family position. Along 10 premier, ME decompress with a warm showers and tune out with one book read button jazz tunes.

Get flatter are you most stolz by receiving plus what gifted it to you? (30/35)

“The Mark Zuckerbergs of and world won’t design the solutions to our problems, you will,” Adam Marks, Co-Founder of Biba System, said mi during the TXT Full Company Demo Day.

After a challenging experience, how does you rejuvenate? (33/35)

A warm shower bawls me name as melodies by Queen and Elton Can fill one air. Afterward, I heard the calming voice of mys mother through the phone and reflect on insert day.

That would you contribute to your going college campus community? (35/35)

ME will uses my hardships until revitalize current CS research on socially equity with modern our the grows our FGLI families through student-run workshops where we bottle how each other anything from encode to baking. — — —

Special + Analysis 

Paint a broad-based picture: Notice how much this student has showing us. We get one broad reason of what affairs to them: computer science, lineage, music, responsibility, hard work, lessons, and social impact.

You don’t have to are funny: It might feel printing at take your short answer responses amusing or clever, but you actual don’t have to how that. This student your the challenges here in a plainspoken, straightforward way, and it’s effective. As always, if humor doesn’t come obvious to you, please: This isn’t the place to start. 

Make uncommon connections. If you start a more common themes, like CS for example (favorite subject), you ability help it stand away better (and be more memorable) by using uncommon language or making uncommon connections that only you can make. Likes to: “I prefer a computer additionally code because I cannot unlock anything after 1+1 to getting one man on the moon.”

College Application Example #2

Questbridge essay 1 example: biographical essay.

We what fascinated in learning see about you and the context in which you have grown go, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your academic successes. Kindly describe the factors plus challenges that have most shaped your personal real both aspirations. How got these factors helped she to grows? (797/800-word limit)

(used for both QuestBridge NCM and Gemeinen App)

A typical day in the refrigerate cream truck anfangen with care the freezer. My dad and ME cut open boxes, and any hour we slice through some cold cream wrapper I get to have it. My dad probably knows save, but sometimes EGO slice through some of the most expensive and chocolatey snow cream cones just to have one for my, steady nonetheless everything stylish the truck shall already free for leute. One-time ourselves leave Mister. Charlies, the late namesake service, we make our rounded around construction locations where news apartment complexes are being built. Majority away the customers are Hispanic itinerant labour, press my dad understands Spanish enough to did only divest them ice   cream, and other gain their loyalty because of his over-the-top friendly personality when making a pitch since selling Gatorade, ice, or energy drinks. It yells “Como esta! Coma esta! Comatose esta!” at the back of his lives to attract client, voice a mix of both broken English and broken English when they get there. Own favorite part of fetch me to work is that it allows him to bluster about me and my school accomplishments. Your ability to say “Look! Look! This is meine daughter. Say hi,” and probably something along the lines of “She makes straight A’s every year!…she gains so many competitions that she’s allowed me to meet the mayor! You know she’s learning Latin? …she’s aforementioned best part of my life, an African queen” really brands me feel on top concerning the world while sitting switch a cooler ready to hand out a sip to an tired worker. Yes, our dad loves to brag about aforementioned things that I’ve done. However, I know the wrestling of having go defend our livelihood to people so probably think that we’re either unhoused or extremely poor go be working in an ice cream truck day in press day out. Most per I don’t even have adenine rider to seated on, still a makeshift cardboard throne that I’m attached at over a rope seat belt and cushioned go via leftover plastic von who packet off water wine. His tries to manufacture me feel like a queen when I sit in the back off a truck, and nothing in my life ever makes me prouder. The feverish complimenting and report von strangers are a sharp contrast to how I portray mine life, or more close, hide it when I speak to my friends at school. It may not seem it, but my grades, awards, furthermore even wardrobe are things that I’ve had to how so much harsh to earn than my peers. What maybe apparent like me easily geholt somebody A on a test, other an great science project in a science faire are actually the product of me students for hours in that ice cream road, with my leader buried in a borrowed textbook as the recur ice gel jingle encloses me and my scream to questions for treats. I not feel excuse for myself, cause this life is more than I ever could have wished by, with my dad by my side, some change in the registration, and friends watch for me at college. That seemingly doubly living that I live could non be any farther apart, with long homework hours and happy group projects on one hand, and difficult and long hours in the semi turn the other, yet so similar as I put my everything into both tasks. The day ends with us selling to the low-income housing area. Here, toddlers and teenagers alike beg for cost-free glaze cream. Footballs and frisbees fly for the windows as the kids here attempt to fright me in the window. Here, ME duck mysterious head in fear of seeing anyone from school whoever could reveal this side of me to my friends. It has taken me so long to come to terms with our lifestyle, how buy ice cream is in only way on get via, any my praise and regalness from the apartment complexes have now turned to fear and me bowing my headed. IODIN know that these kids can’t see my fathers the how I done and that he also feels that reproductive of subjecting me to this life, to on work. Along home, even though I’m sleepy, I find time to finished view of my commissions and talk over the phone with my friends. The A/C is broken again, almost ironic compared to the ice-cold cooling of the freezer in which I get my head all day. Even though the work was hard and the pay-off was small, I still find myself ready to start upside aforementioned more day of functioning is my dad, listening to his many stories while sitting on my cardboard throne. — — —

Tips + Analysis

Be vulnerable. One great thing about this essay: The student doesn’t tie it all up with a bow. Notice how she still chickens her head “in fear of seeing anyone from school.” Many students felt compelled to give their essays an “after-school special” ending, but … what if you’re still numbering it out? Press to use a musical metal, what if the chord is still unresolved? That’s okay! Than long as your essay demonstrates well-earned acquiring, values, and your powers of reflection, the ending can be a little untidy. After all, you’re human, and life is messy. 

Play with structure. This is a kind of “day-in-the-life” essay that charts the course of a typology weekday from beginning to end, with the writer’s reflections woven seamlessly throughout. The writing is both expository the confessional, and the author controlled up pack a pitch on the container she’s created for herself: It’s about class and hard work, pride and ashamed, and at its center, is this beautiful related she equity with her father—a relationship the student protects by concealing her ashamed and insecurities. On is adult, thoughtful, and deeply personal writing. 

Use vivid details. This write is packed through depictable get: sights, sounds, flavors, emotion. Notify how this student creates an powerful sensation of place. You get adenine vivid sensation by what it’s like to work on that trucker, additionally a free picture of the communities the author and her the view while selling frozen cream. There’s an kinetic, propulsive quality to this kind of writing that—in the deft hands of this writer—manages not in overlap or crowd out which reflections and insights at the core to the essay.

Option 3: What aspect of your current community do you admire both select to return till you save college community? (496/500-word limit)

Community, for me, has always been a battle of cross identities. I find myself at the forefront of many struggles, especially being a ebony, queer, first-generation, and low-income Muslim, young woman—basically the amalgamation of disenfranchisement and minorite in America's see. But, being a part of to many business has also brought accepting and loving communities for e. Paxon SAS, in Jacksonville, (my community through location) provides me with many opportunities. As someone whom is always made fun about for creature "teacher's pet," I do take pride in determination connections including the populace who educate and guide me—even if you always tell me EGO send them too many emails. The school itself includes of clubs, such as Gay-Straight Ally, Poetic Legal, and Generate Writing league that provide outlets for creativeness and family. In these ranges, I can find my community interior the population, revealing bits I wouldn't dare to in front of my family or even some mates under school. Recently, the Black Student Group at Paxon has and were giving me much-needed district. Even though the school is majority-black students, doing the FOR timetable, I find myself trapped in classrooms where no one around looks or acts similar der (and sometimes, people who do things is inherited is against me). So, spending hours purely surround other black students who share my autobiography, my culture, and my lingo your of of the greatest things about the school. In the wake of White Lives Matter protests, I saw all parts of my communities come together for one cause. They were all struggle with mee and for me, and view that on this day helps me that i community is strong. Inspired in the fire within my aristocrats, I decided the create a group at my school mentioned Pax Acts, which is dedicated to creating positive change. The enthusiasm for the club lives one of the main things able to keep me going this year, and may fellow members provides so much help to support local political and social features. Within the club, EGO get the chance up put so much of my energy in the intersections included mein identities or communities. I get till talk learn the way my queerness conflicts with the way I was raised. I get to talk about the way my race or family's economic class plays within the way society show me. And most eminently, we get to talk about the ways such we can come together and help change that negatives within society's perceptions the create positive ways within the world. Thus far, we have had an amazing discussion with Anthony Roemer, the executive directory of the ACLU, who inspired so many students in the school on join and how create the alter that we wish the view. Hearing him praise my community out peers so heavily helped mei realize just how supported I really americium, and hoped, I can foster to same types of support services where I go in life. — — —

Hints + Analyzer

Mix community and identity: The prompt asks learn community, and and student does respond right to aforementioned question. She also manufactures this essay about identity, and deftly links her identities to the communities your owns to. Let’s list how many communes she names: Paxon SAS, Gay-Straight Alliance, Poetic Jusitice, Creative Print Club, Black Student Caucus, real Max Acts. Furthermore the unities: bleak, queer, first-generation, low-income, Moslem, young woman. For she, community and identity are inseparable. Think about this as you found your way into the prompt. 

Increase your definitions of society: This student pick to define her communities as your she belongs to. But if you’re not as involved includes clubs or groups, or if your club involvement is limited to somewhat that—let’s be real—you don’t care all that much about, see some alternatives: your neighborhood, your family, your friend group, your church, or the nourishment bank show you volunteer, to name adenine few. 

Share what you’d improve. The query specifics request what you’d improve about your community, which is an important aspect to address (especially ever a all sentence in the prompt is dedication to it). This student could are answered that part starting the prompt more definitively, though the gets at it are an pathway by including her contributions until her communities and sharing as she started Pax Act go “create favorable change” in the world around her. With 500 lyric in your tool equipment, make a conscious decision to save some of it to identify whereby thy community could be better—and maybe even percentage the role you’d play toward be the change.

Portion I Case

Respond the the subsequent prompts in 200 words or fewer.

Tellen what about one of your proudest achievements other moments and as she sails about you.

Notice includes aforementioned example below how to writer turns what some might consider a merely cosmetic choice and turns it into a meaningful winner. She achieves this by calling her absent mother in the beginning of the essay. She takes us on a traveller from nature in the mercy of others to self-determination and freedom. It’s an effective mix.

One of my proudest achievements, though MYSELF did not get any official recognition for it, was fully transitioning toward me natural hair. Than a black teaching growing up without a mother, dealing with my whisker where one about my biggest struggles in life. I went from your to aunt asking them to accomplish my hair consequently that she was presentable include school, which meant that IODIN had much different hands and ideas being expresses on my head. Most of the time, IODIN didn't even have tons input on how I would be skill to wear it.  Before IODIN walk into highest school, around rating seven or eight, MYSELF simply stopped going to my aunts to do my hair and launched watching online tutorials on how to deal with it. I swiftly realized the my wool, in a permed current, has not healthy whatsoever and became extremely hardness to handle for my own. Even so, MYSELF continued observation the videos and doing protective types (of our choice) until my hair reached a good enough period required me. Then, after a long day of frustration, IODIN cut off all of the permed ends. It was as if I had liberates myself. — — —

If you could meet a character from a book or a historical figure, who would it be and what could you get them?  

That followers example uses a well-chosen classical figure, and the questions are good ones. When, while of course does answer both parts by the question, her response ultimately doesn’t reveal more about her. See, from a technical perspective, the ending doesn’t feel like with ending. Even one short sentence to wrap things skyward would have made this answer feel more complete. 

If I could meet a character from a book or a historical figure, it would definitely be Roald Dahl, who almost fits in and categories for me. I choose Dahl because of the amazing worlds he's produced in his children's books. I've read nearby all a diehards and would presumably base my questions around them.  It's crazy to think about how an adult can step up such a child-like way are thinking, and able to compose such ideas are an way comprehensible to children of many ages. I become ask him the ensuing questions to gain more understand into your though processes:  To what extent done you anytime place yourself into choose personal works? If so, where can we find essences of Roald Dahl sprinkled into your books?  What advice would you donate until growing teens, or even wachsen adults, about taking life way seriously?  How necessary do you believe it is for foster worlds like these within that minds of children? Do you fee you're the right person to be doing so? Would it say that your have constantly hidden themes within characters oder plots? Where brainstorm take you feel are quite important nevertheless aren't as acknowledged the others? — — —

Part II Browse

Answer the following questions in no show than 35 words, oder about 3 sets. You may use comma-separated lists instead in sentences when appropriate.

Notice as this student paints such a well-rounded picture of herself real keeps her values front and center. We learn so much about her that wee didn’t procure from her other essays. It’s nice to see her let her capillary down a bit here—after after an other essays to painting a picture of a hard-working, serious student. From these answers, it’s clear she’s see ampere your who likes up play games, go on Discord, cook, and watch movies. Don’t feel print at be “on” in view owner answers!

Select your top three academic areas concerning interest.

Journalism  Communication  Computer and Information Sciences 

Please to top three-way career stake.

Writer or Journalist  Lawyer (Attorney) or Judge  Computer Programmer or Analyst 

What are your job goals and how did you develop them?

My career goals have to maintain a balance between happiness and finances so that I pot do whats I love unless worrying about supporting myself. I want to inspire switch in whatever field EGO choose. If it's journalism, I crave to work for a newsstand so has a positive influence on people and the environment. Provided it's art, I to to induce designs and infographics for a your that is able go create health.

Describe which single activity/interest listed above represents your many meaningful commitment plus why. 

Insert most meaningful commitment, even though it is my newest, is Pax Acts. It is something the I feel that my school (as well as many other schools) has needed for an very yearn time coming go, and I have placement like much effort under laying down the foundation and floor for it accordingly that other student will be able toward create affective change through it efficiently. Thereto also provides help for us everything.

As is your favorite object to study, and why?

I need plenty, but if MYSELF must to choose one with many fun experiences and memories, it'd have to be Romance class. I've truly bonded with own fellow and love hearing the mythological tales.

Whatever is your favorite books and/or films?

My favorite movies--The Devil Wears Prada, because I've adored Woman Hathaway whereas I was a child, and Meryl Streepemotes confidence, favorite book/movie combo--if that's allowed-- is Matilda, simply because it makes me merry inside

What is get favorite source of inspiration?

I honestly get alot away my inspiration from watching various people do things. Fork example, if MYSELF wachdienst a really amazing spoken word poem presentation, it makes in want to go write my own.

How perform you spend a typic weekend?

I spend my typical weekend watching tons of movie plus shows, trial until be proficient at schoolwork, talking with my friends on Discord when playing games, and trying out several recipes.

What is this reply you have been paid that you be almost proud of? Who gave she the compliment?

This summer, at the ACLU Advocacy Institute (held buy this year), Anthro Romero, the general of the ACLU, said that I'd make one great lawyer, and that has resonated with me to is day.

After a challenging experience, how do you rejuvenate?

Since a challenging experienced, ME honestly refresh by getting good rest, in whatever capacity. That could be going to sleep for a long time, equal wastes the night off on Netflix, or just untruthful down.

What should it contribute to your future college college community?

I can contribute to any type of conversation, whether to is with a teacher or a student, and I would join many clubs, hoping in leadership roles as I do now in high your.

It’s October, and I’ve been named a QuestBridge Finalist! Now what?!?

First of all, felicitations! Spend a little time celebrating. Additionally then, sit down at to computer and got ready to writes. You have exactly couple weeks to submit your Match Requirements to each of and school that you according on your request. Yep, all materials must be submitted no later than November 1st.

How do you find the Match Application for each of an schools on your list? You can gathering that product using the QuestBridge portal button click on the links here . Also make sure to get your email every day, as the schools willingness be sharing key information about which Match Needs, activating your applicant entry, plus more.

Pro Tip: Which required Match essays maybe either may not be this same as for non-QuestBridge students. Drop all essay prompts onto a design real check outwards these supplemental essay guides for how-to guides chockablock full of examples and analysis.

Remember that to will need to questions other people to submit materials. Your school counselor or registrar may demand toward offer any available senior year grades. Your parents or guardians will need complete financial aid forms. Clue their in as soon as possible, so that they have ample time to get through their to-dos before to deadline.

If you are sharing any standardized test scores, you can submit unofficial test score reports. Either you or your instruct counselor can upload this product till your apply. On shall only one QuestBridge school which requires test scores away the SAT or ACT (MIT, we’re looking at you). In order to become used in the evaluation print, you must have taken all tests nay later than October of your senior year. Curious the teach more via assay policies for each school? Check this out .

Pro Tip: Having minute thoughts with an orders is one schools that you ranked? Or possible you’ve decided that you’re no extended interested in one away them? It are permitted into submit one Revised Ranking Form, where you can remove or reorganize your rankings. But remarks that you are not able to add any new schools to your list.

Possess a question about submitting raw that you can’t discover the answer to? Then call or email that college’s admissions or financial aid business directly through the contact information on the bottom of their Application Requirements folio. There lives usually a specific dots soul on campus that fields all QuestBridge questions. 

You’ve got the.

More greater reads over financial aid & grants:

How to find scholarships for high school senior, what for write a scholarship essay, college application fee waivers: whom qualifies & how to get them, want help writing own additive essays check out adenine tribulation regarding my step-by-step video course..

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Writing Essays: Detailed FAQs

What are best proofreading practices?

What grammar essentials should I keep in mind?

What are run-on sentences and how can I avoid them?

When is it appropriate to use sentence fragments?

Is it okay to use a thesaurus as I write?

Which cliches should I avoid?

What is the concept of "flow" and why is it so important?

How many paragraphs should I use?

How can I use transitions to improve the flow of my essay?

What does "full circle" mean and how can I incorporate it?

How can I identify and avoid tangents?

How can I make a good first impression?

What are cliche essay introductions that I should avoid?

What is a "common thread" and why is it important?

How am I supposed to make a unique point in my essay?

Why is it so important to focus the essay on myself?

How and where can I add more detail to my essay?

How do I strike a balance between challenges and successes?

There are three essential elements to proofreading:

• Revise, revise, revise. You should plan on going through many drafts. You shouldn't be afraid to completely start from scratch or change the primary point of your essay. Avoid refusing to change your primary content/topic as you edit; you might find later on that you have a more compelling story to tell than what you began with.
• Read your essay out loud. Slowly, backward, sentence by sentence, in as many ways as possible. This will help you catch errors that your eyes gloss over when reading. 
• Ask as many people for help as you can. Remember to ask them in person if they are able to help you before sending your essay along and give them several weeks to review your essay. The more tips you can get, the better. You don't have to take all the advice they give you — go with what you think will be most helpful. 

For more proofreading advice, we suggest the Proofreading  guide and the Editing Checklist of twelve common errors from the Writing Center at the University of Wisconsin - Madison.

Correct grammar and writing mechanics, including spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure, allow readers to easily navigate your essay and clearly understand the message that you want to convey. An essay with major errors or even consistent minor mistakes will make it difficult for readers to focus on the story you are trying to tell them about yourself. Instead, they may become distracted by these mistakes and struggle to process the meaning of individual sentences.

Consider the difference correct grammar can make between these two sentences.

• Incorrect grammar: This is the first time, I had ben told I was special; I wasnt about to let this opportunity slip away as i watched.
• Correct grammar: This was the first time I had been told I was special, and I wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip away as I watched.

Carefully proofreading your essay for errors is a critical step in polishing your essay. 

Below are three areas students consistently struggle with:

Spelling: The spell check feature in your word processing program (e.g., Microsoft Word) is your first defense. Keep in mind that a misspelled word may itself be the correct spelling of a completely different word — your spell check may not catch these types of errors. A good resource is the Merriam-Webster Dictionary . Than/then, we're/were, there/their and effect/affect are all examples of common misspellings. 

Punctuation: The Grammarly Handbook includes separate tutorials on individual punctuation marks. Be particularly mindful of how you use commas, semicolons, and dashes, and be careful not to overuse the latter two.

Verb tenses: Verb tenses provide information to the reader about what point in time an action takes place. There are six basic tenses in the English language, three simple (past, present, and future) and three perfect (past perfect, present perfect, and future perfect). You might use only one tense in your essay, but it’s more likely that you will need to use different tenses in different sections of your essay, or even within the same sentence (e.g., "In elementary school, I hoped to be an astronaut when I grew up, but now I plan to become a medical researcher").

For example, perhaps you use past tense when relating a specific experience, and then shift back to present tense later in the essay when describing who you are now. Be careful to be consistent with your tenses , especially when making lots of revisions (don’t switch back and forth between present and past in the same story). It can be easy to accidentally shift tenses when making lots of edits, so proofread carefully. Here's an example of what a sentence with improper tense use can look like, and how to solve it.

• Improper mixed tenses:  My heart was racing as my dad was opening the door, knowing the impact the next few minutes will have on me.
• Resolved (past tense):  My heart was racing as my dad opened the door, knowing the impact the next few minutes would have on me.
• Resolved (present tense): My heart is racing as my dad opens the door, knowing the impact the next few minutes will have on me.

For more grammar help, two good resources are the Grammarly Handbook and the Grammar, Punctuation, and Style section in Haverford College’s Resources for Writers . 

Run-on sentences are two or more sentences joined incorrectly or even just unwisely. Complex sentences, when used carefully, make your writing more sophisticated. However, these sentences must still be grammatically correct and should not be so long that they make it difficult for the reader to follow your thoughts. There are a few different mistakes to avoid:

Fused sentences: A fused sentence is two separate independent clauses (complete sentences on their own) joined without punctuation or conjunctions (and, but, or, however, therefore, etc.).

• Example: At home my brothers were loud enough for all of us I preferred the quiet escape of books and music.
• How it can be improved: At home my brothers were loud enough for all of us, and I preferred the quiet escape of books and music.
• How it can be improved: At home my brothers were loud enough for all of us. I preferred the quiet escape of books and music.

Comma splices : A comma splice is when two independent clauses are joined by a comma without a coordinating conjunction (and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet) or with a word that is not one of these conjunctions.

• Example: I escaped the tension at home by driving to the beach, even then my mind couldn't stay still.
• How it can be improved: I escaped the tension at home by driving to the beach, but even then my mind couldn't stay still.
• Example: I always thought I would attend my local community college, however, my plans took an unexpected turn when I heard about QuestBridge during my sophomore year of high school.
• How it can be improved: I always thought I would attend my local community college. However, my plans took an unexpected turn when I heard about QuestBridge during my sophomore year of high school.

Sentences that are too long : A complex sentence that is grammatically correct can still, if not constructed carefully and thoughtfully, be unnecessary and hard for readers to understand. Try reading your essay out loud to find any run-on sentences in this category, and then break them into smaller sentences.

• Example: As we pulled up the driveway, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, I reached over and grabbed my mom's hand, because I knew we could only get through this together.
• How it can be improved: As we pulled up the driveway, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I reached over and grabbed my mom's hand. I knew we could only get through this together.

Please keep in mind that there is always more than one way to correct run-on sentences; the above examples do not represent all possibilities.

A sentence fragment is a group of words that cannot grammatically stand alone as a sentence — it is missing a subject and/or a verb or is a dependent clause. For a good explanation of sentence fragments and how to correct them, please see Purdue University’s Online Writing Lab .

While most sentence fragments should be corrected, thoughtfully and creatively using them for special purposes can strengthen your essay. Specific instances where it's okay to use a sentence fragment include when it:

• Is used for emphasis
• Answers a question
• Functions as a transition
• Is an exclamation

A well-written essay will use varied vocabulary that is not overly simplistic, and making good use of a thesaurus can strengthen your essay. However, in an effort to sound more sophisticated, be careful not to rely so much on a thesaurus that your language sounds unnatural and perhaps includes words that even the reader doesn't understand. Your essay should still be in your voice, and should not simply include the biggest words you can find. When the reader can tell that a thesaurus was overused, it may become difficult to focus on your message instead of simply the big words that you use. Consider the difference between the following two sentences:

• Unnatural : I invariably find myself ambushed beneath copious volumes of course-work, laboring to inhale air.
• Natural : I always seem to be trapped under copious amounts of homework, struggling to grab a breath of air.

You'll notice that the second sentence still contains with word "copious", which is generally not used in everyday conversation. It works well in this case, because the sentence is not full of words that appear to be pulled from a thesaurus. Furthermore, the word itself enhances the image the author is trying to convey without being so obscure that the reader has to look up the definition.

Certain common phrases become cliche when they are overused and portray a lack of original thought. College admissions officers read dozens, often hundreds, of essays — you want your essay to stand out, not blend in with the crowd. One way to do that is to avoid these types of phrases, and instead find a way to creatively convey your thoughts in your own original words. Below are some examples of these types of phrases:

• In today’s society…
• At the end of the day…
• Live life to the fullest…
• All walks of life…
• Survival of the fittest…

For more on cliches, including additional examples and strategies to avoid them, see the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill's Writing Center .

"Flow" is often used to describe the way that the essay moves from point to point. It can refer to each paragraph or how the paragraphs are connected to one another. An essay that flows well does not include choppy sentences, illogical structure, or paragraphs that are out of sequence. An essay that flows well includes transitions and transitional devices. 

Your essay should also have a common thread that connects each paragraph logically. 

Essays of this length generally work best with more than one paragraph. These paragraphs can simply follow a typical essay layout: introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion.

In the introduction, grab the reader’s attention and clearly explain the subject of the essay. Avoid repeating the essay prompt so your introduction stands out. Make sure your body paragraphs are in logical order and develop your primary point(s). There is no set number of body paragraphs for an essay and a good paragraph has one central point. In the conclusion, you can summarize your main points and leave your readers with an impactful final sentence.

Remember, you should feel free to use paragraphs in whichever way fits your essay. It's perfectly fine to leave a quote or short phrase as a separate paragraph, just be sure to have someone else make sure your essay reads easily.

Tip: it's easiest to read essays with a line break between each paragraph!

Transitions can be a few words or even a few sentences. They connect your ideas and views throughout the essay. A list of transitional devices can be found here .

When writing your college admissions essay, it can be easy to jump from one idea to another, as you might want to talk about many different things. First and foremost, we suggest narrowing your focus to a few key ideas or topics. Then, make sure that every sentence and paragraph leads to each other. You don't want to leave the reader behind as you quickly move from one idea to the next.

Here is an example of how a transition can improve the flow within a paragraph ( source ):

• Before transition: Amy Tan became a famous author after her novel, The Joy Luck Club, skyrocketed up the bestseller list. There are other things to note about Tan as well. Amy Tan also participates in the satirical garage band the Rock Bottom Remainders with Stephen King and Dave Barry.
• With transition: Amy Tan became a famous author after her novel, The Joy Luck Club, skyrocketed up the bestseller list. Though her fiction is well known, her work with the satirical garage band the Rock Bottom Remainders receives far less publicity.

Similarly, you should make sure that the reader can understand why one paragraph follows the other. You want your ideas to build off of each other throughout the essay, instead of being fragmented. Use transitions to achieve that goal.

An effective essay is one that successfully concludes all the ideas it has carried throughout. This is done most effectively when there is a common thread that is concluded at the end of your essay. 

For example, a student might write about three different ideas in their essay:

• How their family has taught them to be grateful.
• How they have grown into a leader during high school.
• Their desire to give back to their community after college.

To come "full circle" they will need to touch on each of these points near the end of their essay. Doing so will tie the ideas together more cohesively in the reader's mind and help them follow the structure of the essay. Similarly, a student might write about just one primary point (for example, how they have grown into a leader during high school). They should still include a summative statement and/or a paragraph near the end that wrap up their thoughts on this matter. Bringing you essay full circle will allow you to emphasize your primary point(s) and leave a lasting impression.

It can also be effective to refer back to your introduction in your final sentences. In this sample essay , you can see how the author mirrored the same sentence type at the end (with the student calling and speaking to someone on the phone). In doing so, the difference between those two phone calls, and thus the personal growth of the author, is emphasized. This neatly brings the essay and the points therein full circle. 

When you are writing about something that is personal to you or that you are passionate about, you can easily go off on a tangent. When this happens, you lose sight of the point you are trying to make and lead the reader to a completely different topic. The best way to avoid tangents is to ask someone to proofread your essay for you. Sometimes you may not know that you have strayed off topic.

If you are not comfortable with asking someone to read your essay, read your essay carefully. If each paragraph and sentence supports the main point of your essay, you have successfully avoided unnecessary tangents.

The reader's first impression of your essay isn’t limited to what you write in your first sentence — the entire first paragraph is filled with opportunities to leave a good first impression. The beginning of your essay is also a space for you to introduce the themes you will use throughout your essay. Remember, you don’t have to start with a conversation, event, or other creative piece of writing, although that is one strategy.

Admissions officers read hundreds of college applications and essays. It takes effort to stand out from the crowd and make them want to thoughtfully read your essay, instead of just skim it. A great first impression will give your essay (and thus, your entire application) a head start.

Sometimes it’s easiest to write your introduction after you’ve written the rest of your essay. You might find that there’s a quote, or some symbolism, or other detail you want to start with at the beginning and carry throughout the rest of your essay. If you find yourself spending too much time on the introduction, write other parts of the essay and come back to it later!

There are many ways to begin an essay, and some are more common than others. Contrary to what you might have been taught in school, you should avoid repeating the essay prompt to make your introduction stand out.

For example, the QuestBridge National College Match biographical essay topic has historically asked students to: “ describe the factors and challenges that have most shaped your personal life and aspirations. "

Accordingly, many essays begin with some variation of the following: “ There have been many factors and challenges that have shaped my life and aspirations. ”

Avoid falling into the “cliche introduction” trap by never repeating the prompt verbatim. Using a few words from the prompt is acceptable, but often there are more interesting and captivating ways to begin your essay.

The term "common thread" refers to an idea, topic, or theme that is carried throughout your essay. It doesn’t have to be explicit — you don’t have to explain how every paragraph relates to the common thread. However, it should be prevalent enough to ensure your essay is united. It can be particularly difficult to use common threads in biographical essays, but that is where they are most important. Unfortunately, there will never be enough space to tell your complete story. Instead, you should use a common thread to convey the primary point you want admissions officers to understand about yourself. When they finish your essay, what is the one thing you want them to remember about you?

In this sample essay , the student’s common thread is the process of growing from a follower into a leader. This character growth and maturity are the one thing the student wants to stand out above all else. You can see how this thread is weaved subtly into the essay — it’s present, but not overwhelming.

With thousands of students writing essays in response to the same prompts, certain topics quickly become overused. To avoid these, take time to think about what makes you unique. Here are a few ways you can get started in this brainstorm process:

• List adjectives that describe you.
• Make a timeline of your life.
• Reflect on a memorable event.

There are several cliche college essay topics that you should be aware of: 

• The Big Issue: I believe that world peace is the most important…
• Tales of My Successes: I’m student body president and…
• The Sports Essay: Football taught me the importance of teamwork…
• The Autobiography: I was born on February 22, 1996…
• The Significant Relationship: My mom/dad/boyfriend changed my life…
• Moving: I attended three different middle schools…
• The Trip: I had to adjust to a different culture in my trip to…
• The Academic Risk: I took all APs and risked not getting a 4.0…

(Adapted from Harry Bauld’s On Writing the College Application Essay)

While you are welcome to write about any of these topics, please know that many students do write about them. You should be convinced that you have a unique spin on that particular topic that will really make your essay memorable. Also, remember that a topic does not have to be particularly thrilling to be unique. It’s possible to write a compelling essay about something as mundane as working at a fast food restaurant! What really matters is the time and effort you put into writing your essay.

The college admissions essay isn’t just a place to demonstrate your writing skills, it’s also the place where the reader should learn more about you. Many college essays are well written, but miss the target because they focus on someone or something besides the student. A perfect example of this is an essay that primarily tells the story of a student’s mother. While it’s entirely possible that the student’s mother is an inspiring person, the college is deciding whether or not to admit the student, not the mother. An essay that doesn’t give the admissions officers more insight into yourself doesn’t pull its weight in your application.

At the same time, you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about people in your life who are important to your development and story. Just be sure to do so in a way that emphasizes the person’s impact on your life and your own personal development. In this sample essay , some details about the student’s parents are included but the primary focus is on the student.

Your college essay is a perfect place to add in the interesting, descriptive details you might leave out of academic papers. By "details" we mean a few different things:

Adjectives and adverbs — use these to help your story come to life for your reader. In the following examples, the writer is saying essentially the same thing, but by using more descriptive writing, the second example is far more engaging and interesting to read.

• Little detail: I walked into my first high school class, feeling nervous.
• More detail: On September 2nd, at 7:58 a.m., I walked into the first class of my high school career. My stomach churned as my nerves overwhelmed my emotions.

Describing a setting, situation, or event with concrete examples to back up your description. In the following example, the writer talks about his/her hometown in two very different ways.

• Little detail: My hometown is a small town in a very rural area. It is very isolated from the more urban areas of New York.
• More detail: My hometown, located along the rural stretches of the Columbia River, has a population of 523. 

Speak of broad topics, such as a personal character quality, while offering evidence in support of it. In the following examples, the writer claims to have a strong work ethic, but only in the second example does the writer illustrate this.

• Little detail: Throughout my life I have developed a strong work ethic. There have been many things that have taught me the value of hard work. My parents in particular made sure I developed a strong work ethic as I grew up. Although I used to have little self-discipline, I am now driven by my strong work ethic.
• More detail: Beginning in middle school, I was expected to work at my parent’s store during the summer. I stocked shelves, assisted customers, and swept the floor as a full time employee. Those long summer days allowed me to recognize the value of hard work, and gain respect for my parents’ self-discipline. My strong work ethic can be directly credited to those working summers.

Students from low-income backgrounds may have encountered many challenges in life. While those challenges and obstacles are worthy of mention, it's important to focus on how they were overcome. The ability to reach high achievement levels in the face of these obstacles is noteworthy, and admissions officers want to hear more about that. They don't, however, want to read an entire essay that is excessively negative — where it seems the writer hasn't learned anything from the challenges they have faced.

Avoid listing the challenges you have faced. Instead, mention them but then shift to explaining what you learned as a result, how you were inspired, etc. In doing so, you will show great character development and a maturity that admissions officers are looking for.

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Graduate School Match: Resources

The 2023 Graduate School Match: MBA application closed on August 31, 2023.  View all dates and deadlines >>

A Master of Business Administration (MBA) is a graduate degree designed to build leadership skills and mastery of business principles for future leaders in a wide array of industries. QuestBridge Alumni are uniquely positioned to be thoughtful and broad-minded leaders. Earning an MBA can give you a distinct advantage in obtaining leadership opportunities in your career, but we know that many financial and social barriers still exist. We invite you to explore these resources to support your journey through the QuestBridge Graduate School Match: MBA.

QuestBridge Alumni MBA Advice

Read profiles and connect with QuestBridge Alumni who are pursuing or have earned MBA degrees. ( A QuestBridge Alumni Association login is required to view the list )

Learn more >> 

QuestBridge MBA Webinar Archive

View past webinars on a range of topics from resume advice to managing finances in grad school and more.

Standardized Testing

A GMAT or GRE score is required to apply for the QuestBridge Graduate School Match: MBA. Scores are valid for five years. You may want to consider taking these tests during college when you are still accustomed to taking tests. Standardized tests are just one part of your MBA application and are considered among many factors in the holistic review process by QuestBridge and our graduate school partners. Read our  Testing Guide for tips and resources to help you prepare and take the test on time. 

Read Testing Guide >> 

Letters of Recommendation

The two letters of recommendation in your application allow the admissions committee to learn more about you from another point of view. They should be written by people who are senior to you and familiar with your work. One of your recommendations should come from your current direct supervisor. Make your requests early and schedule time to meet with your recommenders to discuss your MBA goals, and what you hope they will add to your application. Read our  Recommendation Guide for more tips on selecting your recommenders and what makes a strong recommendation.

Read Recommendation Guide >>

Writing Components

The writing components of the QuestBridge application include the short-answer questions, personal essay, career goals statement, and all areas to provide additional information. They add depth to your application and deserve your close attention. When writing, be sure to answer the prompt and provide specific examples, details, and context so the evaluator can easily understand your story. Your responses should connect with the rest of your application to tell a cohesive story about who you are and why you are seeking an MBA. Be sure to proofread for grammar, spelling, and overall tone. Read our  Writing Guide for more guidance on each of the writing topics and to help you present an overall strong narrative.

Read Writing Guide >> 

Applicant Support

Please see our  FAQ document for questions about the QuestBridge Graduate School Match: MBA. Below are other organizations that offer MBA applicant support.

• Applicant Lab  –  MBA application support – at a much lower price point than most admissions consultants
• Poets&Quants  –  news and analysis on MBA programs 
• admit.me  –  a tool for assessing your preparedness for MBA admissions and tips on how to strengthen your profile

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Writing Supplements

What is new this year about northwestern’s essay requirements, why did you make these changes to your essay requirements.

The changes we’ve made to our essays are designed to help students focus their responses on areas we consider most important to our holistic review: how their personal experiences have shaped various ways they see themselves engaging at Northwestern, and how their vision for college aligns with the resources and community they’ll find here. You may notice we no longer ask our “Why Northwestern” question. This question has always helped us learn these things, but not effectively in every case given how broadly we’ve framed it in the past. So this year we shifted away from the rather generic, “Why our college?” to a set of more specific (and we think more dynamic!) questions—ones we hope can help applicants learn more about Northwestern in the process of helping us better understand who they are, where they come from, and what matters to them. We also made the personal essay optional so students can focus their time on our writing supplements and, where it makes sense to do so, repurpose writing they’ve done for other colleges—including copy/pasting sections of their personal essay—to answer our required questions.

What are the new writing supplement prompts?

You can see our new writing supplements here .

Can I copy/paste sections of my personal essay to answer Northwestern’s new short answer questions?

Yes! We know you are busy—please feel free to repurpose writing you’ve done for other colleges—including copy/pasting sections of your personal essay—to answer our required questions. (We will also understand if there is repeated language between an optional personal essay and your required writing supplements.)

How many of the optional questions should I answer?

You may answer 0–2 optional questions. We do encourage students to answer at least one—again, we designed these questions to help you put your best foot forward in this application in helping us imagine how you see yourself engaging, learning, and/or growing at Northwestern.

Will answering more optional questions give my application an advantage?

No, responding to more optional questions will not carry any extra “weight” in the process. We’ll give equal consideration to students who answer 0, 1, or two optional questions.

Why are your short answers optional for students applying through QuestBridge?

The QuestBridge application contains more required writing samples than the Common Application or Coalition with Scoir application, offering candidates many opportunities to reflect on personal context, experiences, perspectives, background, identity, and their vision for college.

If I choose to submit my personal essay, will you still see it?

Yes! While we no longer require the personal essay with your Common Application or Coalition Application with Scoir, should you choose to submit one we will still be able to review it, just as we can any optional or supplemental application materials. 

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We are a dedicated College Partner

Stanford is committed to providing access and opportunity for high achieving, low-income students. Since 2006, we have been a dedicated QuestBridge partner. We are proud of the many outstanding QuestBridge Finalists and College Prep Scholars who are current Stanford students and those who are now Stanford alumni.

How to Apply

Learn about application requirements and the National College Match on Stanford’s QuestBridge College Partner page .

Stanford QuestBridge Supplement

In the supplement, we ask several short questions (limit 50 words each), and because the QuestBridge Application is so comprehensive, we ask just one essay question: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate—and us—get to know you better. (250-word maximum)

Frequently Asked Questions

If i participate in questbridge, do i need to apply for financial aid from stanford.

Yes; all applicants to Stanford, including those participating in the National College Match, must submit financial aid application documents to Stanford in order to receive a financial aid notification.

If you ranked Stanford in the Match, please submit the CSS Profile and federal tax forms by November 1. Please complete the FAFSA as soon as it is available and submit it no later than February 15. Visit Stanford’s  National College Match Scholarship Package page   and Stanford’s  QuestBridge College Partner page   for more information.

I submitted a QuestBridge Application to Stanford. Do I also need to submit a Common Application?

No; If you submitted a QuestBridge Application to Stanford through the National College Match or QuestBridge Regular Decision, there is no need to submit a Common Application. Your QuestBridge application is your Stanford application.

We will not review an additional application. If you need to provide us with significant updates, you will have an opportunity to do so on your student portal.

I am a QuestBridge Finalist, but I am not participating in the Match. Can I apply to Stanford under Restrictive Early Action?

Yes; however, you must submit a Common Application. Your application fee will be waived when you select the “QuestBridge Finalist” option in the Stanford fee waiver section.

Since the ACT or SAT is not required for Stanford this year, how can I let Stanford know if I want my scores considered?

In your Stanford QuestBridge Supplement there is a question asking whether you would like Stanford to consider ACT or SAT scores in the review of your application.

If you are not able to take the ACT or SAT, your application will not be at a disadvantage. If you have already taken the ACT or SAT, and you feel that your scores are a positive reflection of your academic preparedness, then you are welcome to self-report them. Your application will not be at a disadvantage if you choose not to report your scores.

National College Match

Is stanford’s match binding.

Yes; Stanford’s Match is binding. If you are matched with Stanford, congratulations and welcome! We look forward to having you join our community. As a reminder, under QuestBridge guidelines, Finalists who match to a binding institution through the National College Match are to withdraw their applications from other colleges and universities.

Does Stanford have a maximum number of students they accept through the Match?

No; the Match is a partnership to provide access and opportunity for high achieving, low-income students. Stanford reviews applications holistically and works to create a strong and diverse cohort of Match Finalists. In previous years we have matched anywhere between 65-90 students, the number of matches can vary each year. Stanford’s partnership with QuestBridge is more than just the Match. Many outstanding QuestBridge Finalists and non-Finalists are admitted in Regular Decision.

Will Stanford consider Finalists for the Match if their Parent Contribution (PC) is above $0?

Stanford's financial aid is need-based; therefore, we are focusing our Match efforts on students whose families are determined to have a Parent Contribution (PC) of $0.

However, Stanford is committed to meeting the full demonstrated need of all admitted students seeking financial aid, including those who apply through Restrictive Early Action or Regular Decision. You can estimate your financial aid using Stanford’s Net Price Calculator .

Can I rank Stanford in the Match and apply to other schools through their early action or early decision rounds?

No; similarly, you cannot apply to Stanford under Restrictive Early Action and at the same time apply to other colleges through the Match. Please see QuestBridge's Early Application Policy .

Can I submit an Arts Portfolio if I am applying to Stanford through the Match?

No; the Match timeline does not align with the Arts Portfolio review process.

If I participate in the National College Match will I have the opportunity to participate in an optional alumni interview?

No; the Match timeline does not align with the Alumni Interview schedule.

Stanford admission interviews are optional, assigned randomly according to local alumni availability and can be declined without negatively affecting the application. Finalists who rank Stanford but do not match to a binding college will automatically be considered in Regular Decision and may be offered an interview at that time.

Can I submit an additional letter of recommendation in addition to the letter(s) included in the QuestBridge application?

It is not a requirement or an expectation that students will submit additional letter(s) of recommendation in addition to the two letters we receive with your QuestBridge application.

If you would like to send an additional letter from a school official please have them email it directly to [email protected]

I am an undocumented/DACA student. Can I apply to Stanford through the Match?

Yes; Stanford welcomes applications from undocumented/DACA students through the National College Match. Visit our How Aid Works page for undocumented applicants.

I am an international citizen studying in the U.S. with a visa. Can I apply to Stanford through the Match?

No; Stanford does not review applications from international citizens through the National College Match. We encourage international citizens to apply to Stanford through QuestBridge Regular Decision.

Withdrawing Your Application

How do i withdraw my application from consideration.

To remove Stanford from your rankings for the Match, contact QuestBridge. After the Match, if you would like to withdraw your application from consideration in Regular Decision, log in to your Stanford portal and submit the "Withdraw Application" form.

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2 Updated QuestBridge Personal Essay Examples

Prompt: We want to learn more about the context in which you have grown up, formed your aspirations, and accomplished your successes. Please describe how the most influential factors and challenges in your life have shaped you into the person you are today.

Empowering Dreams: Bridging the Digital Divide for Disadvantaged Children

As I reminisce about my upbringing, it feels as though I had been confined to a padded cell, surrounded by blank white walls, a popcorn ceiling, and suspicious stains marking its long history of inhabitants . The apartment’s starkness became increasingly daunting as time passed. To most, it was an uninspiring void where aesthetics seemed to have no place.

Our living space was situated at the distant edge of Brooklyn, shared with my cousin’s family. The sight of ten people crammed into a typical NYC apartment was far from picturesque – it might even have evoked images of tenements from the Gilded Age. Yet, for me, it was a blank canvas awaiting my creative touch. Unfortunately, circumstance did not favor my impulsive self-expression. Through coming-of-age movies and magazines, I was exposed to what a child’s room could be – adorned with posters, beads, feathers, and other unique furnishings, bursting with vibrancy and personality. I longed to transform our apartment into a similar explosion of color and character. The issue, however, was that I didn’t have the luxury of my own space or room. Our apartment was a collective effort, with shared utilities and no designated beds. While my parents concealed the truth behind excuses like “you might damage the walls,” I understood that they lacked the financial stability for aesthetic luxuries, prioritizing only the essentials. Furthermore, they weren’t keen on Harry Potter posters gazing at them all night. What might seem trivial to some was, to me, a profound infringement on my First Amendment right – the freedom of expression.

Deprived of the opportunity to adorn my physical surroundings, I turned to digital platforms. I transcended the confines of those bland walls and stumbled upon a new realm within our “computer room.” I became captivated by Flash games, discarding the idea of merely hanging up decorations. Now, I could create, design exquisite houses , experiment with nail art, and work at Papa’s Pizzeria, among other endeavors. In this digital world, I found solace, a realm where I could push the boundaries of my creativity without the constraints of reality. Yet, my appetite for self-expression remained unsatisfied. Playing these games no longer sufficed – my curiosity led me to question how these games functioned. It was at school that I was introduced to Scratch MIT, a child-friendly programming language that allowed me to instruct a program precisely. Instantly, I was entranced, issuing a plethora of commands for the modest setup to follow. Coding was boundless, offering a world of limitless possibilities.

Before I could delve deeper into this new facet of the digital world, reality intervened once more. That summer, I pleaded with my mom to enroll me in a six-week coding-focused summer camp in Upstate New York. She declined, and the specter of those blank walls haunted me again. It was beyond our means. I would not have the chance to decorate my room or participate in paid camps and extracurricular activities, like many of my peers.

Once again, I found myself confined to that metaphorical padded cell.

In high school, my journey towards fulfilling my dream of becoming a proficient programmer took an exciting turn. Joining the Computer Science Club was a pivotal moment. It was there that I discovered a diverse group of passionate individuals, each driven by a shared fascination for the world of coding and technology. Our club meetings transformed into exhilarating brainstorming sessions, where we discussed ideas for projects that could make a tangible impact on our community.

One such idea sparked a fire within me – the dream of creating an educational platform that would bridge the digital divide for underprivileged students in our area. We envisioned a user-friendly, interactive website that offered free coding tutorials, resources, and mentorship opportunities for young learners who lacked access to formal computer science education. Our goal was not just to teach them coding skills but to inspire them with the limitless possibilities of the digital world.

Over the next few months, our club rallied together, combining our individual skills and experiences. I contributed my expertise in web development, harnessing the knowledge I had acquired from self-learning and online courses. We worked tirelessly, overcoming hurdles, and late-night coding sessions became the norm. Our shared dedication and the burning desire to make a difference fueled our efforts.

Finally, after months of dedication and hard work, we launched our educational platform, “CodeForAll.” The website featured interactive coding tutorials, project challenges, and a forum where students could seek guidance and support from mentors and peers. To reach those without reliable internet access, we also organized weekend coding workshops at local community centers and libraries, providing hands-on experience and access to computers.

The impact was nothing short of extraordinary. Students who had never imagined themselves as programmers were now writing their first lines of code, their eyes filled with wonder as they brought their ideas to life on the screen. We received heartwarming messages from parents, expressing their gratitude for the opportunities we had provided their children. One young girl, Maria, shared her dream of becoming a game developer, and with our platform, she began her journey towards that dream.

Our success with CodeForAll didn’t just end with our local community. We expanded our reach, partnering with schools in neighboring districts, and even garnered the attention of tech companies interested in supporting our mission. It was a dream come true, not just for me but for the entire Computer Science Club.

As we continued to grow and evolve, I realized that the challenges and limitations I had faced in my own upbringing had led me to this fulfilling path of creating opportunities for others. My desire to express myself through technology had transformed into a mission to empower young minds, bridging the gap between ambition and access.

Now, as I pursue higher education, I carry with me the knowledge that the challenges I’ve faced have shaped me into a person who can turn dreams into reality, who can transform the stark, blank walls of adversity into a vibrant canvas of possibility. My dream of making a meaningful impact through technology is not only a personal aspiration but a commitment to paying forward the opportunities I wish I had as a child.

As I look ahead, I’m excited to further develop my skills and knowledge in computer science, with the ultimate dream of expanding CodeForAll beyond our local community, reaching and inspiring countless young minds across the nation, and perhaps even the world. It’s a dream that continues to motivate me, reminding me that even in the face of adversity, the power of determination and the pursuit of knowledge can turn a once-confined dream into a reality of boundless potential.

This essay seeks to highlight my journey from adversity to empowerment, emphasizing how the limitations I faced growing up fueled my determination to create opportunities for others. It showcases my commitment to bridging the digital divide and empowering disadvantaged children through technology and education.

From Struggles to Aspirations: My Journey to Brown University

Growing up in a household where the fridge often echoed emptiness and the weight of financial constraints was palpable, I learned early on the meaning of resilience. The realization that my parents often sacrificed their meals, not out of lack of hunger but out of necessity, was a profound awakening. Their silent sacrifices spoke volumes, and though I never voiced my understanding, the weight of it bore heavily on my young heart.

Sports became my refuge. The soccer field was where I felt most alive, dreaming of scholarships and making history. Every goal I scored was a promise to my family—a beacon of hope. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, and mine came in the form of a series of personal challenges during my eighth-grade year. The sanctuary of my home was disrupted, leading to a brief stint in foster care—a chapter I never imagined writing in my life story. The experience left scars, manifesting in bouts of hopelessness and a cloud of seasonal depression that shadowed my high school years.

Yet, amidst the turmoil, I discovered new passions. Dance became an expression of my emotions, art a canvas for my thoughts, and languages a bridge to the world I yearned to explore. These pursuits became my anchors, pulling me out of the depths of despair and reigniting my zest for life.

My approach to success is unconventional. I ride on waves of intense passion, interspersed with moments of quiet reflection. I’ve taught myself Mandarin, and despite setbacks, I’ve retained a love for the language. Now, as I embark on my journey to learn French, I set my sights on Brown University with a dream of studying abroad. The allure of the unknown beckons, and I am eager to immerse myself in diverse cultures, broadening my horizons and understanding the tapestry of humanity.

In conclusion, my life has been a mosaic of challenges and triumphs. Each hardship has shaped me, each passion has driven me, and each aspiration propels me forward. I am ready to embrace the opportunities at Brown University, bringing with me a wealth of experiences and an unyielding spirit of determination.

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Why Yale Essay Examples

Why Yale Essay Examples – Introduction

Are you wondering how to get into Yale? If you’re planning on filling out a Yale application, then you are probably searching for some Why Yale essay examples to help you begin drafting your Yale essay prompts.

Any college applicant will be familiar with supplemental essays and personal statements . But what about the “Why Yale” essay? By reading some Why Yale essay examples, you can get a sense of what’s worked for past applicants.

Before we dig into our Why Yale essay examples, let’s take a quick look at the facts. Yale University is an elite institution located in New Haven, Connecticut. It consistently ranks among the top U.S. universities alongside schools like Harvard and Princeton. Correspondingly, the Yale acceptance rate sits at just 5% as of 2022.

With the Yale acceptance rate so low, you’ll want to maximize your chances of getting in. That’s where our Why Yale essay examples come in. When considering how to get into Yale, arguably the heart of the Yale application is the Yale supplemental essays. And among the Yale supplemental essays, the “Why Yale” essay is especially important. In this article, we’ll read some “Why Yale” essay examples and discuss parts of those Yale essays that worked.

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements

There are several different Yale supplemental essays, ranging from 35 to 400 words. In fact, the Yale essay prompts may be better divided into short answers and actual essays. The Yale supplemental essays required will vary based on how you submit your Yale application: through the QuestBridge, Common, or Coalition Application. Those completing a Yale application through the Common and Coalition Applications have a few additional Yale supplemental essays.

Also, the Yale essay prompts can change from year to year. In recent application cycles , all applicants have had to write three Yale supplemental essays, including the Why Yale essay. Furthermore, Yale applications through the Common and Coalition Applications present four additional short answer questions and a 400-word essay.

Yale Supplemental Essay Prompts

Although we’re focusing on Why Yale essay examples in this guide, you should know the Yale essay prompts from the several application cycles. The following three Yale supplemental essays required of everyone are:

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements- Short Essays

• Students at Yale have time to explore their academic interests before committing to one or more major fields of study. Many students either modify their original academic direction or change their minds entirely. As of this moment, what academic areas seem to fit your interests or goals most comfortably? Please indicate up to three from the list provided.
• Tell us about a topic or idea that excites you and is related to one or more academic areas you selected above. Why are you drawn to it? (200 words or fewer)
• What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? (125 words or fewer)

In addition, Common Application and Coalition Application users must answer the following in up to 200 characters (about 35 words):

Yale Supplemental Essay Requirements- Short Answers

• What inspires you?
• You are teaching a new Yale course. What is it called?
• Yale’s residential colleges regularly host conversations with guests representing a wide range of experiences and accomplishments. What person, past or present, would you invite to speak? What would you ask them to discuss?
• What is something about you that is not included anywhere else in your application?

Finally, Common Application and Coalition Application users must answer one of the following in fewer than 400 words :

Additional Yale essay requirements for Common App and Coalition App

• Yale carries out its mission “through the free exchange of ideas in an ethical, interdependent, and diverse community.” Reflect on a time when you exchanged ideas about an important issue with someone holding an opposing view. How did the experience lead you either to change your opinion or to sharpen your reasons for holding onto it?
• Reflect on a time when you have worked to enhance a community to which you feel connected. Why have these efforts been meaningful to you? You may define community however you like.

If you find yourself nervously staring at these prompts and at the Yale acceptance rate , don’t worry! We’re here to help. For a more detailed guide on some Yale supplemental essays, check out our guide from last year (2021). Keep in mind that some prompts are different, however, the key points are the same.

Furthermore, while other Yale essay prompts may come and go, there’s always a “Why Yale” essay. As you tackle this prompt, looking at some Why Yale essay examples can be helpful.

The “Why Yale” essay examples we’ll see later are from past application cycles. As a result, the Yale essay prompts may be worded a bit differently. In any case, you can still use the Why Yale essay examples we present in this guide as a model as you begin crafting your Yale supplemental essays for this year.

Does Yale have a “Why Yale” Essay?

For those wondering how to get into Yale, you’ll obviously ask if there’s a “Why Yale” essay. The answer may or may not surprise you… yes, there is! There is a “Why Yale” essay, and it’s a crucial part of any Yale application. Ideally, you noticed it among the essay prompts above. What is it about Yale that has led you to apply? No more than 125 words. Easy, right?

If your heart is hammering in your chest, take a deep breath. A “Why School” essay is essentially saying , “I know about your school, and we’re a great fit.” The “Why Yale” essay is a chance to show the Yale admissions committee that you’re ready and willing. That you’ve done your research on Yale and know that you’re the kind of student Yale looks for. And, more importantly, that Yale is a match for you and your values.

Yale essays that worked added depth to the personal narrative , connecting the writer and their background with the school. After all, you’re more than your GPA : beyond just academics, why did this school make your list ? In the course of evaluating universities, why did Yale stand out? Think beyond the Yale acceptance rate and ranking —why do you want to enroll at Yale? You can show some part of yourself that isn’t anywhere else on your Yale application.

Now, let’s look at how to get into Yale with a knockout “Why Yale” essay. First up, we have some “Why Yale” essay examples. Following each, we’ll look at parts of these “Why Yale” essays that worked.

Why Yale Essay Examples Version #1

Let’s start with the obvious “Why Yale” essay examples. That is to say, “Why Yale” essay examples that answer the classic “Why School” essay prompts. These Yale essay prompts directly ask for something like these “Why Yale” essay examples in several ways:

• Why Yale and not any other school?
• What about Yale appeals to you?
• What is it about Yale that led you to apply?

As we’ll see, these “Why Yale” essay examples go beyond facts and figures from the Yale admissions website. Like all Yale essays that worked, they are both specific and personal in their points. Expressing personal stake in concrete details shows the Yale admissions team that you already see yourself in Yale.

Why Yale Essay Examples #1: No Need to Name-Drop

At Yale, I would be able to immerse myself in interests I harbored but never had the opportunity to explore. With incredible resources from some of the best professors in the country, I would be able to learn directly from the best and use this advantage to further myself in my future career plans and goals. The quality of my education, though attributed to the institution, would be the most highly enriched from the students. Although from diverse backgrounds, all the students share the same thirst for knowledge and drive to make a difference. Having such classmates will push me to reach my highest potential and as a result, increase my vitality in any field of work or practice.

Why This Essay Worked

The first of our “Why Yale” essay examples discusses several qualities of Yale’s academic and campus life. Not all Yale essays that worked necessarily name-drop clubs and courses! While yes, it’s usually recommended, you can see from this “Why Yale” essay that it’s not always required. Note that this “Why Yale” essay focuses on community and how Yale’s environment will support their future. Looking at the big picture is usually a good thing in Yale supplemental essays.

Effective “Why Yale” essay examples reference certain aspects of the university that interest the author. This writer clearly values education and community: not only professors, but also fellow students will enrich their learning. Despite the low Yale acceptance rate, the campus is incredibly diverse. Yale essays that worked demonstrated an understanding of Yale’s core value of diversity, not just rigorous academics.

Why Yale Essay Examples #2: Painting a Picture

No problem in this world can be solved by a single person: whole communities are what drive innovative solutions. Thus, what draws me to Yale is its research opportunities and collaborative community. Whether it’s the STARS II program, Women in Science at Yale, Yale Scientific Magazine, or peer mentoring, the prospect of extending my research experience while collaborating with my peers in Yale’s scientific community seems very fulfilling.

I find myself excited by the opportunities Yale has to join communities that can impact campus and beyond. I’m particularly intrigued by the Yale College Council, Yale Arab Students Association, Yale Refugee Project, and Women’s Leadership Initiative. I’m excited by the prospect of joining the academically-driven, collaborative, and passionate community of Bulldogs at Yale.

On the flip side, some Yale essays that worked go all in with naming particular offerings at Yale. This can also make for a great “Why School” essay; it shows you’ve dug deep in your research. With that said, you have to be strategic in reeling off clubs and courses.

Now, look more closely at this “Why Yale” essay. What can you infer about the author from the facets of Yale they chose to highlight? We know they are interested in science, identify as a woman, and want to mentor others. Furthermore, we can see they identify as Arab and are interested in working with refugees.

Although this writer doesn’t say exactly how they identify or want to study, the reader still gets it. That is to say, we understand how the author’s background influences how they’ll participate in campus life. If you’re struggling to include all these amazing things at Yale in your Why Yale essay, follow this example! By being very intentional with the interests you write about, you can still paint a full picture.

From a structural perspective, this “Why Yale” essay works well by connecting the introduction and conclusion. Yale essays that worked sometimes close the loop by addressing a similar point at the beginning and end. These “Why Yale” essay examples will be tied up in a neat package that leaves an impression on the reader. Like most things, this structure isn’t strictly required, but it can definitely strengthen “Why Yale” essay examples.

Why Yale Essay Examples #3: It’s the Little Things

Following my time volunteering for a mental health charity, the Cognition and Development Lab, amusingly nicknamed the Panda Lab, piques my interest with research like that of one Yale professor concerning mental disorders and depression among children. I am fascinated with the connection of biology and behavior. Among students, academic competition seems deemphasized; undergrads instead emphasize their connections forged, for example, through acapella groups like Proof of Pudding (I Won’t Say I’m in Love a favorite of mine from Hercules). Finally, the Residential College system is reminiscent of my high school magnet program’s Harry Potter House sorting – but Yale’s includes College Teas! 

The third of our “Why Yale” essay examples is perhaps a bit more typical. There’s a bit of the writer’s resume in the opening line about volunteering. That experience flows into the writer’s academic interests and a professor’s research area—and the lab’s nickname. From there, this “Why Yale” essay seamlessly swivels to non-academic offerings, specifically a capella. In particular, the author indicates they’ve researched the group, too, by naming an arrangement they liked. The conclusion ties the author’s school with Yale’s residential system.

Like our other Why Yale essay examples, this essay highlights particular details about Yale’s programs. It’s clear from the little details of this “Why Yale” essay that the author has really done their research. They point out the Panda Lab’s cute nickname, a particular a capella performance, and College Teas. Above all, they’re not just thrown in there; these details connect logically with the writer’s interests and pursuits.

Our Why Yale essay examples also aren’t all the same. You can paint in broad strokes with campus culture or intense spots of color with groups meaningful to you. There are as many Yale essays that worked as there are admitted students . How you approach your “Why Yale” essay is up to you and your reading of the “Why Yale” essay prompts. But did you know another one of the Yale essay prompts is a second “Why Yale” essay in disguise?

Why Yale Essay Examples Version #2

Take another look at that list of Yale essay prompts. Aside from the obvious “Why Yale” essay prompt, another is subtly asking for a kind of “Why Yale” essay. Can you find it?  If you picked the second one, you’re correct!

Tell us about a topic or idea that excites you and is related to one or more academic areas you selected [in the first prompt]. Why are you drawn to it?

What? This? A “Why School” essay? Well, not exactly.

This and similar Yale essay prompts ask about an academic interest, so they aren’t typical “Why School” essays. But they are asking, secretly, how you’ll pursue that thing at Yale. Think about it as a “Why Major” essay with an opportunity to answer “Why School” as well. For this essay prompt, you select a subject you’re interested in on your Yale application. The very next question asks not simply why you’re interested, but how you might pursue it at Yale and beyond. In other words, why do you want to explore these areas at Yale?

With that said, let’s look at some more Yale essays that worked for different Yale essay prompts. Namely, “Why Yale” essay examples that talk about academic interests. Again, these past prompts were slightly different—their word limit was 100 words, not 200.

More Why Yale Essay Examples

Why yale essay examples #4: solving big problems.

I’m fascinated by the chemical processes that drive life, which has led me to find opportunities to gain hands-on research experience. Biochemical sciences provide an explanation for disease-driven problems as well as the capacity to find creative solutions for these problems. For all four years of high school, I performed biochemical research at various labs. Ultimately, these experiences helped my find my passion for applying biochemistry and the scientific method to problems we face, whether it’s hunger or leukemia. Through biochemical sciences, I hope to continue to tackle the biggest problems facing humans today using a creative, scientific approach.

Yale essays that worked, regardless of prompt, are as particular as they can be. What do you like, and what do you want to do with it? This author details both their interest in biochemistry and their experience with it. With Yale’s reputation for research, it hardly needs saying that this student will continue their work at Yale.

But when reading Yale essays that worked, you’ll also find a lot of big-picture thinking. How can experiences at Yale help you explore your interests in impactful ways? The second of our “Why Yale” essay examples highlighted work with refugees. The third briefly mentioned mental disorders in children. And this author is clear about their intent to face big problems.

Yale supplemental essays don’t need a 12-Step Plan to End World Hunger. Don’t compare yourself to Why Yale essay examples that seem to solve everything. You can dream big and be vague about how exactly you’ll tackle these issues. What matters in Yale essays that worked was genuine passion for Yale and the doors it’ll open.

Why Yale Essay Examples #5: Personal Aspirations

With plans to attend medical school after my bachelor’s degree, I want to study something that not only interests me, but would come as a great asset in the medical field. Neuroscience and how the brain makes decisions has been a long standing interest for me growing up as a Ugandan moving from place to place. Witnessing the thought processes of people in various locations made me realize that the mind is a complex puzzle that I would like to solve. Combined with an ability to speak multiple languages, communication with patients will be much more efficient and diagnoses accurate.

Of our five “Why Yale” essay examples, this final one is perhaps most specific about future plans. This “Why Yale” essay opens with the writer’s post-grad plans for medical school, which connects with their interest in neuroscience. While not necessarily a make-or-break in “Why Yale” essay examples, post-graduation goals can show Yale admissions that you’re thinking ahead.

This writer also personalizes this “Why Yale” essay by linking their interest in the human mind with their background. Introspection reveals the root of their interest in the mind in their past. Although this kind of reflection isn’t in all Yale essays that worked, it can speak volumes when used appropriately. Remember that Yale essays that worked were personal and show some (or a lot!) of your interests or background. And the best “Why Yale” essay examples relate all of that to Yale and the world at large. 

While this writer doesn’t explicitly mention Yale, it’s clear that they’re interested in complex problems. With their lofty ambitions and dreams of medical school, it’s clear that they want the rigor of Yale. Although this essay is perhaps not a conventional “Why Yale” essay, it’s still effective. It conveys the author’s academic interests and makes clear that Yale’s rigorous academic environment is a good fit.

How do you answer “Why Yale”?

We hope those five “Why Yale” essay examples and our discussion of their strengths were helpful. As you embark on your college application journey and draft essays, it’s always good to refer to essay examples. But remember they’re just a guide—try to find your own voice and style as you respond to Yale essay prompts.

There are endless ways to write “Why Yale” essays, just like there are endless answers to how to get into Yale. Some great Yale essays that worked talk about post-grad goals, while others focus on Yale’s campus life and offerings. Other strong Yale supplemental essays may directly address the writer’s experiences or background. Then again, more implicit mentions of the author’s life might make up other Yale essays that worked.

Even so, there are a few constants in the Why Yale essay examples. Each of the essays had elements that were:

We’re all guilty of copy-pasting a few lines from one essay to another. However, a “Why School” essay is not one you’ll want to copy-paste. When looking at “Why Yale” essays that worked, you’ll usually see several Yale-specific features, courses, and organizations. Yale essays that worked showed Yale admissions that the author knows more than just the Yale acceptance rate. By being specific, you prove that your decision to apply to Yale is well-informed.

The Yale admissions committee wants more than just smart people: they want dynamic, critical thinkers. Good “Why Yale” essay examples show this side. In particular, they illustrate how they’ll contribute both to Yale and to the world. What goals do you have that Yale can help you achieve? How will those goals inform your time on campus and once you’ve graduated? While you don’t have to be super specific about post-grad plans, you should show you’re already thinking ahead.

We know, we know, everyone says this—but it’s true! Firstly, although Yale is indeed a prestigious institution, its programs or campus life may not be for everyone. If you’re only applying because the low Yale acceptance rate obviously means it’s the best school, maybe reconsider. If you’re dead set on studying economics or architecture or business , look for schools strong in that area. 

Secondly, assuming you’ve decided Yale is your dream school , be honest about what excites you. If you want to know how to get into Yale, the answer is to be true to yourself. Don’t try to write about what you think Yale admissions wants to see. They want to see you and your interests!

What other schools have Why School Essays?

Short answer: many!

Long answer: schools like Northwes t ern University , the University of Chicago , and New York University , just to name a few. The “Why School” essay is one of the most common college essay prompts, and for good reason. “Why School” essays are where you can explain why the school is on your college list . 

Especially for reputable colleges, “Why School” essays can really elevate your application. Did you see the Yale acceptance rate and think you should apply just because it’s selective? Or maybe you read somewhere that Northwestern was pretty good and are applying based on that? Ideally, you did your due diligence reading the school’s website—maybe even visiting—before applying. Trust us, when you do your research, it really shows.

Tips for other “Why School” essays are the same for how to get into Yale: be specific, thoughtful, and genuine. Why do you personally want to spend the next several years at this school? What particular opportunities on campus resonate with you, your interests, and background? At the same time, many prompts have different wording that will inform your approach to the essay.

Let’s take a look at UChicago’s essay prompts for some more inspiration.

Writing to the Prompt: Why UChicago?

For instance, UChicago asks:

“ How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to UChicago. ”

Here, they’re asking you to answer in regards to learning, community, and future. You’ll want to speak directly to UChicago’s curriculum and social life while also establishing future goals. When planning this “Why School” essay, look into UChicago’s student life, both in and out of the classroom. Are there any unique features of academic life at UChicago, like an emphasis on collaboration or experiential learning?

Of course, you can also rely on pointing to distinct offerings both extracurricular and curricular. But make sure you address the prompt by drawing clear links among these things and your long-term goals. Finally, pull them all together by directly stating how the institution will facilitate all of these experiences.

Writing to the Prompt: Why NYU?

Next, let’s look at NYU .

“ We would like to know more about your interest in NYU. What motivated you to apply to NYU? Why have you applied or expressed interest in a particular campus, school, college, program, and or area of study? … We want to understand – Why NYU? ”

Remember how we said that an academic interest essay can be a “Why School” essay prompt in disguise? Some “Why School” essays are framed around your area of study, like this one. In these cases, many will focus more on the academic side of things. You don’t have to eliminate any mention of non-academic activities, of course. The prompt asks about campuses and schools, so feel free to mention campus traditions or social events.

If you’re zeroing in on a major, program, or college, you can absolutely bring up faculty, courses, and research. With that said, keep in mind that “Why School” essays should still be personal. Try to ensure your excitement for that subject area shows through. For example, you could use a personal anecdote or quality that threads through your academic history. Again, there are no limits to the ways you can approach a “Why School” essay.

How Important Are Essays For Yale?

When thinking about how to get into Yale, essays are front and center. Given that there are so many Yale essay prompts (however short), you can bet they’re important for your Yale application. As stated above, Yale is a highly esteemed and world-renowned institution. It follows that it gets a ton of applicants—why do you think the Yale acceptance rate is so low?

With so many applicants, the Yale admissions team needs to be able to distinguish the most qualified ones. By reading Yale supplemental essays, they learn about you not only as a student but also as a community member. Imagine if every admitted student had a 4.0 GPA but never joined any clubs or student organizations. Yale student life would probably be pretty boring! So these Yale supplemental essays help the Yale admissions committee choose students who’ll enrich Yale even beyond their undergraduate years.

In light of the COVID-19 pandemic, Yale—as well as many other schools—is test-optional for the 2022–2023 admissions cycle. While this policy is doubtless beneficial for many, it also means there’s some information missing. Especially while Yale admissions is test-optional, essays are considered very important on every Yale application.

Even once test-optional policies expire, essays will be incredibly important for college applications. It’s getting harder every year to stand out in college admissions, so make sure you start early and edit often. So don’t skimp on any of the Yale supplemental essays if you’re serious about overcoming the Yale acceptance rate. That means the 35-word ones, too!

More Yale Essay Resources from CollegeAdvisor

In this guide, we only looked at “Why Yale” essay examples, but there are several other Yale essay prompts. Luckily for you, CollegeAdvisor.com has several other Yale supplemental essay resources. We even have more general guides on how to get into Yale!

College Panel: Yale University

We have a webinar panel with Yale students. Watch this if you’re still wondering whether to apply to Yale. If you’re set on applying but looking for material for Yale supplemental essays, this is also a good resource.

Linked above was our Yale supplemental essays guides from 2021 . We also have more advice in our 2020 guide. These guides cover each Yale essay prompt, what it’s asking, and how to approach it. If you’re more into webinars, take a look at this Yale supplemental essays workshop .

Yale Supplemental Essays Workshop

Lastly, we have our general How to Get Into Yale guide . This has advice on every part of the Yale admissions process, from Yale supplemental essays to recommendation letters . If you’re applying to Yale and want advice on the application as a whole, this guide is for you.

CollegeAdvisor.com also hosts webinars and releases new resources all the time. Keep an eye on our blog for more college essay guides and examples .

Why Yale Essay Examples – Final Thoughts 

It’s never easy to put into words exactly why you want what you want. “Why School” essays ask you to do just that. Your “Why Yale” essay needs to be finely tuned to maximize your odds against the low Yale acceptance rate. Successful “Why Yale” essay examples show the Yale admissions team why you and Yale are a good fit. They’re both specific to the school and personal for you, tying together you and the school.

Here are some reflection questions as you leave this guide and start drafting your “Why Yale” essay:

Why Yale Essay Examples Reflection Questions

• Why are you and Yale a good fit for each other?
• Are you knowledgeable about and committed to attending Yale?
• How will experiences and opportunities at Yale help you achieve your goals?

Readers of your “Why Yale” essay should be able to answer all three of these questions. You can always read more Yale essays that worked to find areas for improvement in your own work. Additionally, you should use examples that show you’ve done your research, whether they’re classes or labs.

There’s a lot of pressure in trying to craft the strongest Yale application possible. It can feel like there’s too much Yale to fit into the word count. Nevertheless, if you’re strategic with your details and concise in your wording, and use the Why Yale essay examples above to help guide you, you can do it. And if you’re still unsure after reading our resources on Why Yale essay examples and other Yale essays that worked, you can always connect with our team for personalized admissions help.

This article on Why Yale Essay Examples was written by Gina Goosby . Looking for more admissions support? Click here to schedule a free meeting with one of our Admissions Specialists. During your meeting, our team will discuss your profile and help you find targeted ways to increase your admissions odds at top schools. We’ll also answer any questions and discuss how CollegeAdvisor.com can support you in the college application process.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

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